Karamo, Sarah, and Willie have a conversation about sex. Karamo thinks that Sarah and Willie are the most sexually frustrated people in the house, but the sentence is cut up so much that Karamo ends up sounding like the computer from WarGames going, "Shall we play a game?" Sarah interviews that she thinks sex is healthy and great, but that she's not having it and she's "past the point of frustration." Willie and Karamo try to type something on the computer while Sarah plays with some wind-up birds that hop around on the table. They ask for Sarah's help, but she tells them that she's unable to think due to sexual frustration. They all laugh at her. Willie interviews that Sarah is just horny. Sarah TMIs, "You don't understand. I'm aching!"
Sarah goes to a gay bar with Willie and dances by herself on the dance floor. In a confessional, Sarah says that she's not looking for a soulmate, and that she just wants to have fun. Sarah starts dancing with some guy, and soon they are grinding all over each other. Sarah voice-overs that she doesn't go out of her way to flirt, but that it's part of her personality.
Suddenly, Sarah and her guy are walking down the sidewalk and Sarah is explaining that she's picky, and that a guy has to be fun. Sarah finds Willie and strikes a pose.
Back home, MJ and Landon are playing pool. MJ wants to go out and Landon wants to stay home. MJ convinces Landon to go out with the promise that it will be something different, and they head to the showers. Presumably not together, but you never know!
Sarah's new guy friend, Jason, tells her that his partner needs to be shorter than he is, and he's over six feet. Wow, he must hang out with really tall chicks. He adds that it bothers him when someone is more masculine than he is. Saran finally figures out that the dude is gay. He adds that he's slept with "ten garbage girls before." Obviously, he didn't say "garbage girls," but my husband and I listened to the line about five times, and it wasn't captioned, so that was the best we got. Sarah interviews that she's not willing to accept that the dude is gay. Does she get a vote in the matter? Sarah asks if Jason's ever met a girl who wanted to fuck him, and the guy says he couldn't do it. He adds that he's not eliminating it as a possibility, but that neither the opportunity and the interest on his part ever happened. Sarah apologizes for failing to respect Jason's homosexuality, but that it's hard because he's so cute. I can't get too mad at Sarah, because I bet most ladies have met the perfect guy, and thought, "If only he wasn't gay!"
MJ interviews that after being stuck in the house with the girls all day, sometimes he and Landon have to get away. MJ and Landon go to a club called Glam, which seems pretty gay, but based on what happens shortly, I guess not. Once inside, MJ spots a couple of tarty blondes and picks one as his conquest for the evening. His opening line is, "You're hot as hell." Okay, in my younger days, that probably would have worked, especially with the addition of alcohol. Speaking of, MJ interviews that alcohol makes people do mysterious things. Later, Tarty Blonde gets up on the bar and dances, allowing everyone to see her underwear. I guess I should be thankful she's wearing any. Then, MJ licks whipped cream from her cleavage. MJ interviews that alcohol changes the way he views women. In case you didn't get that MJ is quite drunk, the editors use Blur Vision for a minute before cutting to MJ slobbering in TB's ear, "I'm way attracted to your ass...to be here...right now...this wanted...this...and...this...and...this...sunhh...that's bad." That is a direct quote. As a result, TB invites herself back to the house. MJ doesn't protest.
Back at the house, Sarah tells Willie and Shavonda that if her new friend were straight, he would totally be her type. Sarah says that usually she can recognize when her gay male friends are good-looking without feeling sexual attraction, but she feels something with Jason. Shavonda points out that the guy could be bisexual, and Sarah apparently hadn't considered that before. Willie says that he knows many bisexual people, and that he doesn't understand it, but he knows it exists.
MJ and TB get home, and he gives her a piggyback ride upstairs, where he intends to give her a whole different type of ride. TB squeals and attracts the other roommates' attention. Shavonda interviews that if you bring someone home, you should try to sneak her in. Sarah interviews that she doesn't know what's going on, but that it's entertaining. MJ takes TB into the boys' closet, which has an actual door instead of the typical curtain. Shavonda sneaks over to figure out what's going on, and she interviews that they were "cahoodling," which first of all, it's "canoodling," and second of all, no one says that outside of the gossip columns. Landon gets home and slowly opens the closet door until MJ yells at him to get out. Landon quickly slams the door. Landon interviews that "a girl like [TB] happens to the best of us...and [MJ] probably could have done worse."
It's early in the morning, and MJ's conquest had ended. Landon points out that TB is making herself comfortable in MJ's bed, so MJ (with a lip full of what looks like chewing tobacco) asks how she's planning to get home. TB burrows further under the covers and guesses that she's taking a cab. TB screams and giggles at her predicament. Sarah walks in and asks TB to be quiet. TB asks loudly if she's waking everyone, and laughs that everyone hates her. Wow, MJ could not have made a worse choice here. Sarah interviews that "it's so funny to see these girls when they come into the house and the way that they act," and Sarah doesn't think she'd put herself in that position. Well, she's kind of already been in TB's position, except her Walk of Shame was back to her room instead of out the door. You'd think someone as allegedly open about sex as Sarah would be a little less judgmental.
TB whines that she doesn't have any money to get home. MJ goes through his pants pockets and can't find any money, so he asks Landon for a loan. Landon asks how much she needs. TB says that she needs to get to New Jersey. Damn! I know it's not that far from Philly, but it's still a completely different state. Landon pulls out a one-dollar bill and says that should do it. Landon reveals that the dollar is all the money he has. MJ shushes everyone. TB whines and asks what she should do. Honey, if you're grown-up enough to have sex on national television, you're grown-up enough to find your own way home.
TB follows MJ around the house while he looks for his wallet. She asks him for a pen so that she can leave her phone number. I hope she's just saying that because it seems like the thing to say, and not because she actually thinks he'll call. She writes down her number with a Sharpie and promises MJ that she'll be okay. MJ interviews that he doesn't treat girls badly and that he's a Southern gentleman. Cut to MJ showing TB to the door and almost refusing to step outside and help her hail a cab. Can't they just call for one? MJ finally flags one down, and he and TB kiss goodbye before TB gets in the cab and leaves. MJ heads straight to bed.
The day, Willie asks Sarah whether she met "the skanky blonde" last night. Sarah didn't. Willie is sad that he missed meeting her. Sarah says she felt bad for TB, and that TB was "very challenged, mentally." Sarah interviews that TB was "a bad bottle blonde," and that it's sad to see someone embarrass herself like that. I feel the same way each Tuesday night at 10 PM. Willie whines that he missed the whole thing, and asks if TB already left. Sarah says that those kinds of girls don't get to spend the night. Willie interviews that he's "so upset," and "time [he'll] be in the front with a big bag of popcorn." I'm with Willie. No judgment. Just pure voyeuristic and almost anthropological interest.
Sarah finds TB's phone number, and Willie asks if he's "the only one who didn't meet the skank." I'm not a fan of the "skank" label, because it's usually shorthand for "woman who doesn't meet my Puritanical sexual standards," so it's kind of bugging me that Willie keeps using it. It's a loaded word, is all I'm saying. MJ overhears the whole thing (which he couldn't help doing since Willie was yelling it) and says that half the house thought TB was pretty, and half didn't. Sarah says she wouldn't say "good-looking," but TB was "the cute girl that guys look at after they've had a couple." Sounds like Sarah has experience in that area. MJ says it was 4 AM, and Sarah says it's fine because "that's what they're for." And Sarah is a virgin.
Willie, Sarah, and Mel drive somewhere. Sarah asks if she should call that gay guy. Willie and Mel are noncommittal. Mel thinks Sarah just wants to make out. Sarah agrees, but she wants to talk to Willie's friends first and find out Jason's deal.
Sarah is at the hair salon, getting highlights, which is kind of ironic since she just told us how much she hates people with fake hair color. The guy doing her hair is Willie's friend Diana, who also knows Jason. Diana thinks Jason is a nice schoolteacher, but that he's definitely gay. I hope his school district knows that he's gay. They do now. Not that it should matter, but in some districts, it kind of does. Sarah respects homosexuality, but she's attracted to Jason. Sarah interviews that she doesn't want to push Jason into being with her if he doesn't want it, but she wouldn't pursue it if he wasn't giving her signals. Sarah checks out her hair, which she loves. The highlights are nice, but her bangs seriously have to go.
MJ talks to Landon about how Ashley will handle seeing him hook up with other girls. MJ told his dad that he knows now that his relationship with Ashley is best for him. MJ adds that he's not doing anything wrong, but he feels guilty. Landon says it's only a few more months, and that MJ should just enjoy his freedom while he can. MJ thinks he can go out and flirt and even kiss people, but that it should end there. He thinks that bringing women home is not fun. Landon suggests that MJ be more selective, and they both crack up.
Jason and Sarah meet at Starbucks. Jason asks why Sarah called him. Sarah says that she's always had gay friends and never tried to hit on any of them. Jason says he's always felt like he didn't fit in. Sarah says that she was instantly attracted to Jason, and that she'd like to be his friend, but that she'd also like to be more. Jason says that he doesn't want to seem inhibited. Sarah interviews that she knew it was a bad idea, but that she'd like to say she conquered a gay man. The whole idea that gay men would like women if only they were able to have the best pussy is so insulting. First, it implies that people are gay completely by choice, and second, it implies that Sarah has the best pussy. I don't think either is true.
Sarah and Willie hang out at a club. Willie advises Sarah to back off Jason unless she has serious feelings. Sarah says that Jason knows she's leaving in a few months, so he's not looking for anything serious. Willie thinks Jason doesn't seem like the type to have casual relationships. Willie interviews that Jason's interest in a woman is "a huge deal, identity-wise," and the fact that Sarah seems sort of frivolous about the whole thing has damage potential. Sarah says that she likes Jason, and Willie agrees that Jason likes her too. Sarah decides that she's going to sleep with him, and Willie just laughs, because what can you do?
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a made-for-television movie called Moment of Truth: A Mother's Deception starring Joan Van Ark. She played a wife and mother who tried to get a promotion at the bank where she worked, but got turned down because she didn't ask for it quickly enough and they didn't know she was interested. So for some reason, this sends her into a downward spiral. Plus, her husband is kind of a dick and her daughter is leaving for college. So she starts having back pain and her doctor refers her to a pain specialist, which is a nice way of saying that he thinks she's loony. So the pain specialist is clearly a cult leader, and here's how you know. First, he works at a place called The Institute. How would she not know that was a cult? And also, he has wind chimes. Come on. Cult. And also he's constantly giving her back rubs and whispering to her and shit. So he convinces Joan Van Ark to go to The Institute, and he implants the suggestion that her husband used to beat her, even though he didn't, so she leaves home for good. So then her daughter and her husband contact a cult expert and they kidnap Joan and take her to a remote cabin in the woods (as you do) and try to deprogram her. And the cult leader finds the cabin and there's a big confrontation and of course, her family wins out and they live happily ever after. Can you imagine their dinner conversation in the following year? "Hey, Mom. Remember when you were in that creepy cult and accused Dad of beating you? Good times. That was hilarious." So that was awesome.
MJ is supposedly talking to Landon, but his lip and arm movements don't match the words allegedly coming out of his mouth. At this point in the evolution of reality shows, I don't complain much about editing, but this episode is a real hatchet job. Anyway, MJ says that he had a lot of conversations with Ashley about how they would handle his time in the house, and he thought he would be wild, but now he realizes that he can't handle it. Landon interviews that MJ's intentions were to meet a lot of girls and have fun, but now he's realizing that "distance makes the heart grow fonder." Which is totally not a saying. MJ says that out of sight doesn't mean out of mind for him.
MJ calls Ashley and tells her that the past week has been a revelation, and that he realizes that Ashley means more to him than anything else. Ashley figures out what he means. MJ interviews that he's realized that Ashley is the one for him. Yeah, we get it. For, like, the third time now. Ashley says that she really misses MJ, and MJ asks her to stay strong for him and he promises to do the same.
Sarah and Jason go to a club. Sarah looks a lot better with her bangs pulled back. She says that she's cool with whatever decision he makes about their relationship. Jason doesn't want to lead her on. Sarah promises to be his friend no matter what, and Jason says that he'd like to be more than friends. Sarah interviews that she felt like she had a shot. Sarah and Jason grind and make out on the dance floor, and then leave together.
Sarah interviews that she "love love love love loves the unattainable." Didn't we already see that quote in reference to MJ? Sarah and Jason arrive at the house and make a little nest of pillows. They start cuddling and Jason checks out a nearby book, which is The Diary of Anne Frank. Sexy! Nothing like the Holocaust to put you in the mood. Sarah and Jason start making out under the blankets, and someone is going down on someone else, but it's not clear who was giving and who was receiving. Sarah interviews that Jason is a guy, but that it wasn't right, and it felt odd. She adds that she's never had a problem with a man not wanting her. Jason cuddles up to Sarah and she gives a frustrated sigh and turns away. Later, she shows him to the door.
Willie and Sarah go to a coffee shop and discuss Jason. Willie asks how they left things, and Sarah says, "I don't know. Naked?" Sarah interviews that she gets "into a lot of weirdo crazy drama situations on purpose," but that this tops them all. At least she's self-aware. Sarah says that she can't date Jason, and that she thinks he was relieved to find that out. Sarah says that she and Jason have an attraction, but that she thinks he would prefer to be with a man, sexually. Willie asks if she felt like a lesbian, and giggles. Sarah says that she did, slightly. Sarah says that it didn't feel right, because Jason was confused. Willie asks if it was awkward or hot. Sarah says it was both, and that "his penis was confused." In other words, he couldn't maintain a boner. Willie adds that it was "an up and down situation," and Sarah says she's never been in contact with a confused penis before, and couldn't deal. They both crack up.