Sarah and MJ horse around in the kitchen. MJ interviews that he and Sarah flirt constantly. If that's what you want to call flirting. It's pathetic. Sarah says that she showed MJ her boobs, and MJ agrees that she did. I don't know. Sarah interviews that she doesn't know what she wants with MJ, because she knows she doesn't want a boyfriend, but she wants him to be there. She wants attention. It's that simple. And to her, sexual attention equals approval and validation. It doesn't take a psychology degree to figure that one out. MJ interviews that he and Sarah have hooked up a few times, and that they don't have feelings for each other, because they're just having fun.
Sarah, Landon, and MJ get into the hot tub. I still haven't quite figured out why they have two small hot tubs instead of one big one. Sarah is wearing a bikini and a giant Russian-style white fur hat. MJ calls her Ivana. Sarah interviews that Ivana is her Swedish alter ego who loves white bikinis, vodka, and furry white hats. That's the first semblance of personality shown by Sarah that I actually find interesting, or funny.
Willie yells that there's a phone call for MJ; MJ wants Willie to take a message. Sarah leaps out of the hot tub to take the call, which is apparently on a videophone. Sarah talks to Jordan, MJ's friend, in her Ivana persona. She really shouldn't wear a bikini top, because you can totally see the edges of her implants and it's gross. Sarah tells MJ that Jordan is on the phone, and MJ's like, "Oh, shit." Landon interviews that MJ didn't want Jordan to meet Sarah, and Landon thinks that's emblematic of how MJ views his relationship with Sarah. Sarah tells Jordan how she showed MJ her boobs. MJ leans into the videophone and convinces Sarah (not that it takes much) to show Jordan her boobs. MJ interviews that he and Sarah have only hooked up when they are both drunk, and that he doesn't want a relationship. They head back to the hot tub while Melanie stands and stares. Melanie interviews that Sarah is wild when she's sober, and that when she's drunk, "she does things to attract attention, like, more intensely than she normally would." Heh. It's nice to know that the roommates realize Sarah's M.O. as well.
Melanie and Sarah talk in a bedroom. Melanie interviews that it's fun to be flirty, but that Sarah is over the top. Sarah interviews that she knows that she has issues surrounding sex. Sarah tells Melanie that she has things in her past that made her the way that she is. In what looks like her audition tape, Sarah explains that her first boyfriend raped her, but that she didn't tell anyone. Until now. So it kind of sucks that anyone who knows her now thinks that guy's a rapist, unless of course he is a rapist. I have mixed feelings on that one. Anyway, Sarah wonders if Melanie can now understand it better. Melanie interviews that Sarah needs attention because of her past, and always wants to be in control of her sexual situations.
Landon licks a window as Shavonda sits on the other side. Then he wipes his stomach on the window, and then turns and wipes his bare ass on it. Shavonda interviews that she enjoys Landon, and thinks he's funny. She thinks they are both quick with snappy comments. I don't think I've seen Shavonda say one funny thing this season. Landon and Shavonda get into a giant squirt-gun fight all over the house. That is a great house for a squirt-gun fight because there are hidey-holes and nooks all over the place. The fight ends with Landon tackling Shavonda and rolling her onto the floor. Landon interviews that he's trying to figure out their relationship, especially since Shavonda has a boyfriend.
Shavonda talks on the phone with Shaun, the aforementioned boyfriend. Shavonda says that many people told her that she needed to be single while she was on the show, and that she didn't listen, but now she's starting to feel like it might be true. She wonders -- purely theoretically, of course -- what would happen if she had a crush on someone. Shaun wants to know if the theoretical is actual. Shavonda claims that she doesn't know. Shaun asks if it's Landon, and Shavonda is totally busted. She asks if it's possible to take a break. Shaun wants to know what the rules are about that. Shavonda says that she doesn't want to feel like Shaun's going to judge every move she makes, and break up with her if she does the wrong thing. Shaun asks if she wants to end it now because she might screw it up later. That's what Shavonda wants. Shaun says it would suck, but he would get over it. He adds that he doesn't want to get over her, then get back together, and take the chance of her wanting another break down the road. Shavonda doesn't think that will happen, and Shaun points out that she doesn't know. Oh, Shaun. If she wants to take a break, whatever that means, just break up with her. Don't try to convince her that she really wants to be with you, because she doesn't. She wants to fuck Landon and then have you on the back burner in case things don't work out, which is a shitty thing to do. Shavonda turns it around on Shaun and says that he shouldn't be with someone he can't trust, so they should break up. Shaun asks if they are done. Shavonda gets mad and says that she guesses they are done. Shaun hangs up on her, as he should. Just break up with him, Shavonda. Shit or get off the pot.
Sarah, in a bikini, lies on her bed and talks to Karamo. Landon walks in and puts a potato chip or something on her bare stomach, which Landon picks up and eats. Landon leaves the room, and Karamo says that he thinks Landon has a crush on her. Sarah says that he actually has a crush on Shavonda. Karamo thinks that she has a crush on him too. Sarah thinks the whole thing is dangerous, but she knows it's not her business. Karamo has no such qualms, and says that Shavonda should back out because she has a boyfriend. Karamo interviews that he's very traditional about relationships, and he thinks commitment means not disrespecting the relationship. Sarah points out how compatible Landon and Shavonda are.
The roommates go out to a club. Landon and Shavonda bump and grind on the dance floor. Landon interviews that Shavonda and Shaun have broken up and Shavonda is free to do what she wants. Sarah interviews that she thinks Shaun gave Shavonda a lot of comfort, but that's not the best thing to base a relationship on. Landon orders some shots for himself and Shavonda. Sarah interviews that Shavonda is realizing that there's more out there, and she wants to experience it. The bartender tells Shavonda that he'll let her group drink free for the whole night if she will "do the banana." I don't know what that means, and I don't want to know. But it looks like I'm about to find out. Shavonda agrees and climbs up on the bar. The bartender peels a giant banana and tops it with whipped cream. He tells her that she can't use her hands and she can't bite. He holds the banana at crotch level and Shavonda deep throats it while her roommates cheer her on. Man. I mean free drinks are great and all, but that's a little...much.
Landon gives Shavonda a ride on his shoulders as they walk home. Shavonda asks if she went really far down on the banana. Landon responds, "You went to the whipped cream and I was proud of you for that." Hee! He sounds so serious. Landon admits that it turned him on a little bit. Shavonda interviews that Landon told her that he has a crush on her, and that she thinks she might reciprocate it. We don't actually hear Landon say those words, but I think it's true.
MJ drunk-dials Ashley, his ex-girlfriend and tells her how beautiful she is. He slurs that someone in the house keeps throwing herself at him, and that it's Sarah. Ashley asks what MJ does about that. Sarah tries to listen in from her bedroom. MJ whispers to Ashley that he loves her. Then he yells, "No, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! I'm drunk." She doesn't seem too upset about it as she tells him that he's mean. MJ says he doesn't, but he does, but he doesn't. That is the definition of mixed messages. MJ interviews that his feelings for Ashley go deeper than he would like to admit, and that she's always in the back of his mind. Sarah interviews that she and MJ are friends, so Ashley might view their hookups as something more than physical. Sarah adds that when MJ is drunk, he has told her to watch out for him "in a sexual way." Sarah giggles that she loves to be naughty, because it gets her riled up. MJ crawls into bed with Sarah and pulls the covers over them. I think we can all imagine what happens , much as we may not want to.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was an episode of Clean House, which is the Style Network equivalent of TLC's "clear out the clutter show" Clean Sweep. First of all, Clean House is awesome because it's hosted by Niecy Nash, who rules. And they go in and help some homeowners clear out their house and set up a garage sale. The reason this show is better than Clean Sweep (besides Niecy) is because the homeowners can only use the proceeds of their garage sale to pay for improvements to their home by an organizer and designer, so there's a built-in incentive. This week, the team went to help a mother and a daughter. Excuse me, a horrible awful shrew of a woman, and her emotionally abused daughter. This woman, from the moment the show began, blamed her college-aged daughter for their clutter, and refused to accept even one iota of blame, not even for teaching or allowing her daughter to let things get so bad. ["She also had nasty turkey wattles on her neck and a terrible haircut that looked like she had never rinsed any conditioner out of her hair, like, ever, it was so flat. Not to focus on her appearance, but she was hateful, and she deserves it." -- Wing Chun] So while they were cleaning out, the daughter was somewhat reluctant to let things go, but the mother would just out-and-out refuse. Finally, after much cajoling, she gave some items up for the garage sale, but then she kept sneaking out and taking things back into the house when she thought no one was looking. It was at this point that I began actively rooting for this woman to get a room that she hated, because she did not deserve a good room. She was horrible to her daughter, repeatedly telling the daughter that she was entirely to blame, and yelling at her, pouting, stomping off, and just being a completely negative person. So they didn't make a whole lot of money at the garage sale, partly because the mother refused to give up anything that they might actually be able to sell for a decent profit. So then, the designer and organizer got to work on the living room and daughter's bedroom, which I thought both turned out very nice. And of course, the mom hated the daughter's bedroom, even though the daughter liked it. The mom kept pointing out more things for the daughter to hate, and the only thing she would admit that she liked was the closet, which had been organized, but even then, she was like, "Well, it won't stay that way." So then they went to the living room, and the mom just FLIPPED OUT and hated everything about it. Niecy tried to get the mom to admit that the only way that she would have been happy was if they had left the room exactly as it was before, and she wouldn't even admit that. So then, the show people left and clearly looked like they needed a stiff drink after dealing with that harridan for two days. What I wouldn't give to see the outtakes from that episode, where they were all like, "Seriously. I'm quitting. I can't take this bitch." That would be awesome.
The morning, Sarah and MJ wake up in bed together. Sarah puts her shirt back on slowly, calling attention to the fact that she was sleeping topless. Sarah interviews that she's been sleeping in MJ's bed because his room is the coolest in the house. Yeah, tell me another one. She admits that it's also because she is attracted to MJ, and then adds that they didn't have sex.
MJ talks to Ashley on the phone, and she makes fun of him for calling her all drunk and shit. MJ interviews that they are all victims of making drunken phone calls. Ashley tells him what he said on the phone the night before. MJ interviews that at least they can talk about what happened and laugh about it the day.
Shavonda interviews that they work as interns for the Philadelphia Soul, and we see the roommates at work, making phone calls. Sarah and Melanie have a private conversation in the hallway. Melanie interviews that MJ told her that he doesn't like having Sarah in his bed because it's too hot. So, Melanie runs and tells Sarah, of course. Gah. Sarah thinks that MJ wants to have his cake and eat it too, which is unfortunate metaphor for sexual relations, if you ask me. Sarah thinks that MJ has the upper hand. Melanie points out that Sarah is letting it happen. Sarah interviews that sometimes it takes a while for her to realize that she's not doing the right thing for herself, and sometimes one statement can set her off.
Back at the house, Shaun talks to Shavonda. Shaun says that he knows Shavonda wants to see what's out there while she's in Philly, and that he's cool with that. He says that he hopes it doesn't go past kissing, and that as long as it doesn't, he will be with her when she gets back. This is the worst idea ever. Shaun says that he just doesn't want Shavonda to hook up with Landon. Shavonda starts crying and says that Landon is the only person she's opened up to, and right now, he would probably be her choice. Shaun says that she's just going from one relationship to the . Shavonda doesn't think Shaun can put caveats on his offer. Shaun asks her to look at it from his perspective. Shavonda knows that she's in the wrong, so she gets mad and tells him that he can't make requests of her since they are broken up. Shavonda interviews that she just wants freedom. Shaun says that he has been caught off-guard, because he never thought of Shavonda as the type of person who needs attention, and now she's going to hook up with Landon, the first guy who gave her attention. If he hates Shavonda this much, why are they together, again? Shavonda repeats that if she's single, he can't put limits on what she can do. She doesn't understand that he's telling her what he will put up with and still take her back. She can do what she wants. She just can't do what she wants and also expect him to take her back. I don't agree with what Shaun's doing, but I understand what he's saying. Shaun says that he could cuddle with his ex-girlfriend when she comes into town. Shavonda gets all pissed off about it, and then realizes that she's not one to talk.
Sarah goes out to dinner with Willie and his friends. She says that MJ claims he doesn't want her in his bed, but that he doesn't seem to have a problem playing with her boobs in the morning. Sarah says that she's getting to MJ because he's convenient and accessible, not because MJ is such a great guy, but that he's getting a big head. Sarah decides that she needs to stop sleeping in MJ's bed, because now he has the upper hand. Sarah interviews that she's not offended by MJ's comments, but that they have served as a wake-up call.
MJ interviews that he never talked to Sarah directly about his feelings, since Melanie took care of that for him. That night, Sarah sets an alarm clock and heads for her own bed. She walks down the hall and tells someone that she's "so over him." MJ finds Sarah and asks if she's mad at him. Sarah says that she knows herself and she likes him a lot, but that she finds herself getting jealous when he talks to other girls, so she needs to do her own thing. Sarah interviews that she was using MJ for emotional support, and that she realizes now that MJ won't fill that for her right now. Sarah goes to her own bed, and MJ goes to his, and the lights go out. If Sarah can keep up this level-headed approach and level of self-awareness, I might not hate her anymore.