Willie and Karamo walk down the street, and Willie comments that it's "so wack" that there's not "a diverse gay scene" in Philadelphia. Do people really still say "wack"? In a non-ironic way? Usually the gays are the first to know these things. Maybe it's so out that it's back in a retro way, sort of like how I always say that things are "awesome" or "grody." Karamo agrees that the situation is "horrible," like Karamo would participate in any gay scene, unless it involved many manly activities like football and beer drinking. Which the gay scene does, if Karamo would open his mind a little bit. Willie interviews that he hasn't dated in two years, and that he's kind of picky, so he hasn't "been feeling anybody." Hee! Hee hee. Because the feeling -- it has two meanings there. Oh, you got it.
Willie asks Karamo what kind of guy he's looking for. Karamo wants "a masculine man with some flava to him, who exudes hip-hop style." He wants to date Vanilla Ice? Because I think that's the last person I heard described as having "flava." Willie says that he doesn't have a type. Karamo says he would give any type a try, but that he hates feminine men. Willie points out that hip-hop doesn't mean "not feminine," and that he doesn't date guy who "twirl" around the bar either. Are they using "hip-hop" here as a synonym for "black"? Or "brown"? I need a dictionary. Willie interviews that he's either single for a while, or he's in a committed relationship for a while. Thanks, Sister Obvious. I guess he means that he doesn't date casually for long. I don't know. This whole conversation needed subtext subtitles, like when Denis Leary talks to his dad on Rescue Me.
Willie and Karamo enter a gay club. Karamo interviews that he's glad Willie is there, because he wouldn't have "seeked [sic] out the gay scene" alone. Some people dance on a stage (I'm not going to guess at a glance whether they're men, women, transgendered, whatever) and Willie tells Karamo, "You've gotta give it up for trannies. Because they got more balls than any of us." Karamo agrees, and smiles for about the first time this season.
Karamo, Shavonda, Melanie, Willie, and Sarah go out to breakfast. Willie says he's getting a mimosa, and Mel wonders if they can get a pitcher. Sarah, of course, starts discussing the different types of men that she loves. Karamo points out that everyone at the table loves boys. Well, that's assuming that Melanie's straight, I guess. Willie interviews that Sarah is "very free-spirited and open-minded and definitely likes to have fun." Translation: she'll do anal, and if you have drugs, she will try some, no matter what kind they are. I'm sorry, but that's what it means. I don't make these things up. Sarah tells the table that she's always dropping food down her boobs, which is something every woman does. I hope. Because I do it all the time. I just don't feel the need to tell people about it. Sarah interviews that her breasts are "an expensive accessory" and that she's "obsessed with them." Willie jokingly puts food in Sarah's cleavage, and she tucks a napkin in there and tells him that he has to name her breasts before he can treat them like that. Everyone gets a big kick out of that.
The roommates walk home. Sarah tells everyone that her boobs were a graduation present, and that she had A-cups before. Man, what I wouldn't give for an A-cup. And don't tell me that people always want what they can't have. I was an A-cup once. Like when I was thirteen. It was awesome. ["I hear that, girl." -- Wing Chun] Melanie says it's just like her parents buying her a car or something, and Shavonda points out that breasts can't be repossessed. Melanie looks at Shavonda and says that she would "never, ever, ever, ever, ever in a million years" get implants. Um, Sarah's standing right there, Judgy. I'm not a big fan of implants, but I wouldn't be rude about it to someone's face. And it's not like Sarah asked if Melanie would ever get implants. Also, Melanie appears to be pretty well-endowed, so maybe she shouldn't judge what someone with small breasts should and shouldn't do. Melanie adds that she wouldn't get any plastic surgery, ever. Ah, the woman in her early twenties. I felt the same way, but there are days when I think, "Would a little nip and tuck really go against my feminist ideals?" And then I look at the prices and decide against it. ["For me, it's the pain of recovery. Thanks, I Want a Famous Face, for scaring me straight!" -- Wing Chun] Sarah interviews that Mel has a tendency to tell people what they should do, and to think that her way is the only way. Oh, so she hasn't grown out of that freshman year of college phase, where you think that everything you do is so ethical and right, and the rest of the world is corrupt and deserving of your condemnation.
Sarah explains that her parents wanted her to have more confidence. Okay, I do think it's kind of jacked up that Sarah's parents bought her breast implants, but I wouldn't say that to her face! Just on the internet where millions of people can read it. Sarah can't leave it at that, and has to confess that she was both anorexic and bulimic. So she had horrible body issues, and her parents bought her implants? Nice. Melanie interviews that she thought Sarah was wild and outgoing, but now realizes that Sarah has "serious self-esteem issues." You mean people were buying that wild and outgoing act? Sarah really dramatically intones that she's had eating disorders since she was seventeen, which seems really late to develop an eating disorder, but I'm no expert. Sarah adds that she was still bulimic six months ago. So look for a future "Sarah is secretly puking" storyline this season! Because unless she got treatment, or something else drastic changed, she's still bulimic.
The roommates walk down the street and someone points out to Willie a bunch of rainbow flags that say "Equality Forum." Look, Willie! The colors of your people! You're gay, and those flags are gay! Willie explains to Karamo that the flags indicate "a gay convention of some sort." The group heads to the forum, which appears to be like a street fair with various information booths, vendors, and entertainment. Karamo says it looks like a block party or something. They go into a bar, and Karamo has to tell everyone that he's not this kind of gay. Like, he doesn't go to bars with topless bartenders. No, at his bars, they play bands like Jet and Hoobastank! And they drink pitchers of beer and wear baseball caps and shorts in the middle of winter! And then they make out! Melanie seems to tire of Karamo's endless protests and points out that this bar is fun.
Willie finds some guy named Dan. Willie interviews that Dan stopped him, and that it feels good to see him again. Willie and Dan take off down the street for a conversation. Willie interviews that he met Dan in New York two years ago, and that they didn't date, but that they had a five- or six-day relationship. Willie and Dan find a nearby stoop that's a little quieter so that they can talk. Willie gets right to the point and asks Dan about his love life. Dan says that it's nonexistent, and that he doesn't know why. Willie says, "I liked you. I liked you a lot. I just want to let you know that." And Dan feels the same way! It's like a movie! Dan says he doesn't know what his problem was, because Willie was great. Willie asks Dan back to the house, and Dan accepts.
The roommates walk back to the house with Dan and a group of his friends. Shavonda gets into the house first and tells MJ and Landon that the gays are coming. She's like the Paul Revere of heterosexuality. Shavonda interviews that these people will "knock [Landon's and MJ's] socks off." Shavonda explains the situation with Willie to Landon, and then tells him about another guy who's "like country" but also "like flamboyant gay." You mean he doesn't fit the stereotype? Thank God she warned them! Why, chaos would have reigned! Willie and Dan walk in and the roommates all wave from the second floor. Dan's two friends walk around and preen for the cameras. Landon interviews that he woke up from a nap and he had "Gay Pride America" walking around his house. If only Karamo would point out that he's a different kind of gay, because I'm starting to wonder about him, if you know what I mean.
Melanie and Sarah give the friends a tour, and Melanie dances around like an imbecile for no apparent reason. The friends are introduced as Jason and Diana. Diana is dressed in guy's clothes, but he's wearing full makeup, just so you understand the reactions later. Willie introduces Dan to Landon and they shake hands. Willie gives Dan the tour while the other friends talk to MJ. Sarah and Diana goof around while Jason refers to Diana as "her." MJ doesn't understand the use of the feminine pronoun, and appears confused. Diana explains that it's a nickname.
Willie asks Landon if he's going to join them for sushi. Heh. That seems like a double entendre somehow. Landon says that he just put a burger on the grill, so he's going to eat at home. In a confessional, Landon says that it's fine having that many gay people in the house, but that he feels weird being in the straight minority. Then he cracks up and they cut him off really quick. Just in case you've heard any rumors about Landon. MJ tries to ask if the establishment they are going to is "straight and gay" or "bi," and Willie replies, "It's a restaurant, bitch!" Heh. Landon throws up his hands in confusion, and Willie laughs. Willie interviews that MJ and Landon are sheltered, and not used to diversity. Willie and his friends all leave. MJ sits on the kitchen counter with his sneakers on, and puts them right up on the counter, which is kind of gross. He comments that it was a "quick invasion," and Landon says that he needs a "big straight festival." Like, I don't know, every other festival, ever? MJ interviews that this isn't an easy transition, and that he's realizing that he doesn't know much. Landon chuckles over the gays calling each other girls. Okay, they might come from small towns, but you're telling me they've never watched Will & Grace? Shavonda and Landon agree, "Life is amazing." MJ still looks shell-shocked. And he still has his feet on the counter.
Willie and Dan walk out of the restaurant. Willie asks Dan about his parents, and Dan says that his parents are really cool, and pretty open-minded for Catholics. He adds that they were confused at first, and Willie says that at least they didn't try to beat him up, which was Willie's coming-out experience. Willie interviews that he comes from "a very strict Puerto Rican Catholic background," and never thought he'd come out to his parents. Willie says he doesn't hate his parents. Dan asks if they're okay with him now, and Willie says that they don't love it, but that they're better. Willie interviews that his relationship with his father is okay, but that his mom can't look at him without judging him.
Sarah, MJ, and Willie head out to the gym. Sarah bitches about Melanie telling everyone about her spending habits. Willie wonders why Melanie would even bring it up, and they agree that it's rude. Sarah thinks that Melanie is trying to imply that Sarah is a brat. Willie advises Sarah to take out her frustrations at the gym. MJ thinks that Sarah should tell Melanie it bothers her. The drumbeat of possible roommate confrontation plays us into commercial.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a Lifetime Move Network film called The Babysitter. It starred Patty Duke Astin as the mom and William Shatner as the dad and some ugly girl as their kid and then Ms. Stephanie Zimbalist as...The Babysitter. So The Babysitter totally stalks the homely little girl, who is twelve, and still carries around a doll, so there might be something wrong with her, which would also explain why she needs a full-time baby sitter at age twelve. So anyway Shatner convinces Patty that, although she doesn't work outside the home, she needs to hire someone to clean, cook, and raise their daughter. Thus, the Babysitter joins their family, despite her mysterious past, and they don't even check her references or anything, but I guess this was before the era of the Amber Alert and people didn't think of such things. But they SHOULD HAVE! Because soon the Babysitter is convincing Patty, a recovering alcoholic, that she should start drinking again. And then she puts the moves on Shatner, which, ew. And then she throws a makeout party and totally does it with the neighbor kid and lets the homely girl drink a beer. Then she convinces Shatner to send Patty to rehab or something. And I have no idea why, but she takes the homely girl and the neighbor kid sailing and totally kills the neighbor kid by knocking him into the water with the boom. The cops apparently don't care about this at all, but the neighbor boy's grandpa won't let it go. I guess the kid didn't have any parents. So Gramps starts looking into the Babysitter's past and discovers the family she used to work for, dead in their bed, preserved under a plastic cover. Gross! And then Patty comes back, and the Babysitter drugs her or something, and then she tries to do it with Shatner, and he turns her down, so she clubs him with a vase or something and then goes after the homely girl, who hides in the basement. So the Babysitter gets a knife and is chasing the homely girl around and I was actually a little bit scared! And then Shatner comes to and subdues the Babysitter and Gramps shows up with the cops and she goes to jail. And it was awesome.
MJ and Sarah take a spinning class at the gym, and Sarah struggles. No idea what happened to Willie. MJ and Sarah start walking home. Sarah explains that she has a lot of rage, and that spinning helps her get it out. MJ says that Mel speaks without thinking, and Sarah says that she puts "her nose in people's asses." Sarah interviews that she can't deal with someone telling her how to live her life. Sarah says that everyone secretly judges everyone else. MJ asks if she'd rather keep things secret than get it out in the open. Sarah says that you can make judgments, but you don't know people's situations and vices. In other words, it's human to make judgments, but you shouldn't act on them, or let them solidify your opinion on others without finding out more. Unless you're a recapper. At least that's what I think Sarah was trying to say.
MJ and Sarah walk into the house. MJ advises everyone to avoid the spinning class. Sarah interviews that she likes to address things while avoiding arguments if possible. Sarah pulls Melanie aside, and keeps downplaying her feelings by saying it's "stupid" and "really dumb." Once they sit down, Sarah says that money is personal and that she didn't know why Mel told everyone about her spending. Mel immediately apologizes. Melanie interviews that she's "very opinionated" and that she hates to come off as a bitch. So don't be so judgy! Sarah says that she was kind of upset about it. Melanie apologizes again, but in a condescending way, like, "Oh, I'm sorry that your wittle feelings got hurt," instead of "I'm sorry for telling everyone your business." Sarah is put in the position of apologizing herself, and making excuses, which kind of sucks. Mel interviews that she was impressed that Sarah didn't make a huge deal about it in front of everyone. Melanie and Sarah agree to talk it out when they have problems with each other in the future. Why do I see these two having a lot of problems with each other? And this conversation being seen in flashback about a million times this season?
That night, Willie and Dan stand on the street and discuss their relationship. On the second date. ["What are they, lesbians? (I kid.)" -- Wing Chun] Willie interviews that it's weird to meet Dan again, but that things happen for a reason. Dan wants to wait and see what happens between them before making any sort of commitment. Because it's the second date. I mean, I know they knew each other before, but seriously. Willie interviews that they've both been single for a while, and don't want to rush things, but that it's looking good. Willie and Dan hug, and Willie invites him to go to bed.
Inside the house, the roommates get ready for sleep. Willie and Dan take a shower together. If I had one of those multiple shower head deals, I would be all about showering with another person. In a regular shower, someone's always cold and wet, which isn't very fun. Dan shampoos Willie's hair, which is really cute, and they start making out. They share a towel as they stumble out of the shower.
Sarah is sleeping with Landon tonight, which isn't exactly the guest room, but it's also not exactly surprising. Shavonda rushes into the room and thinks there's something going on, and Sarah explains that she's giving Willie some alone time with Dan. Shavonda hops in bed with MJ, who says something about them both being in the same boat, which makes me thinks this happened before MJ broke up with Ashley. Landon asks what Willie and Dan are doing and Shavonda glances into the room and then hides under the covers and says she saw a naked butt. Shavonda interviews that they were naked men in bed, and it was like free porn on HBO, where you're not supposed to watch, but you do anyway. Okay, if she's going to make that stale joke, she should get it right. It would be scrambled porn, and it wouldn't be on HBO, and Melissa did it better in her audition tape anyway. Landon and MJ practically fall out of bed trying to see what's happening. Landon interviews that he and MJ just want to confirm what's happening. Do they have to see it? Shavonda tells them to stop spying, and MJ says that he can't help it. All we see of the happy couple is Dan stroking Willie's face, although if they were a straight couple, we'd be seeing thrusting and condom-opening and night vision cams all the way, which is kind of lame. I mean, I don't want to see it no matter what, but the double standard sucks.