Sarah and MJ work out together (on treadmills -- get your minds out of the gutter!) and then walk home. Sarah says that she's tired and just wants to stay in tonight, as she grabs MJ's hand in case he didn't get the connotations of "staying in." In a confessional, Sarah says that she feels a sense of comfort when she's with MJ. Sarah says that when she drinks too much, she gets depressed the day, and to most people, that would be a sign not to drink so much, but apparently, Sarah hasn't made that connection yet. MJ interviews that he thinks Sarah's hot, but that he can't figure out "what Sarah wants or what Sarah needs." Well, she wants to have sex with MJ and she needs a swift kick in the ass. Or that might just be what I want for her.
Sarah tells Shavonda that she has a crush on MJ, but that she thinks his relationship with Ashley is more serious than he's revealing. Sarah interviews, "Knowing MJ, and knowing the brief history of their relationship, Ashley has a very unrealistic view of what MJ is ready for in terms of relationships right now." Yeah, she's only known him for two months, and Sarah has known him for...less than a week. So Sarah is definitely the MJ expert. Sarah says that she thinks Ashley needs to be "more understanding as a female," and that Sarah can have sex with her friends and not "be weird about it in the morning." She wants MJ to let her know his relationship status, because otherwise she will be aggressive. Didn't MJ already tell her that he has a girlfriend? Does he also need to give her a five-year projection on what he sees happening in the relationship? If he used the word "girlfriend," to me, he's in a committed relationship. If he wanted to seem available, he wouldn't have mentioned the girlfriend at all.
Shavonda changes the subject by mentioning how cute she thinks Landon is, and that she even told her boyfriend that she thought Landon was hot. Wow, that's...kind of shitty. Shavonda interviews that she's scared to have a crush on Landon, because it feels like she's being unfaithful to her boyfriend. Landon comes into Shavonda's room and hops into bed with her. He checks out a photo of her boyfriend and says that he doesn't see her dating a guy like that. Like what? White? Ugly? Shavonda interviews that she has the perfect boyfriend, and that she's grown dependent on him. Healthy! Landon thinks that Shaun must wonder how he ever got a chick like Shavonda, and instead of being offended, Shavonda laughs. That relationship is past its expiration date. Landon interviews that the show will put a stress on their relationship. Landon's hair was extremely curly last week, and then I think he got a perm, because his hair is super-curly now. Shavonda agrees that Shaun is a punk rocker, but also hip-hop. Landon interviews that he doesn't think it's a good idea to start something with a roommate, but he does sense a crush on his part, and on Shavonda's part.
Shavonda calls Shaun and says that it's not as easy as she thought it would be. Shaun says that it'll be fine, and that he never said that she couldn't talk to people and have fun. Shavonda feels like she's walking on eggshells, and interviews that she needs to free herself from that pressure. Shaun tells Shavonda that the only thing she can't do is "get with" someone, and perhaps they should put a definition on "get with," because that seems like a pretty broad phrase that is open to interpretation. Shavonda asks what happens if she wants a break, and Shaun wonders what she needs a break from. Shavonda says that she doesn't want to worry all the time. Shavonda interviews that she's young and that she thinks it's time to date around, so that she can be with Shaun later and be satisfied. In other words, Shaun should wait around for her to sow her wild oats or whatever? Shavonda acts like it doesn't matter that she's about a million times better-looking than Shaun, but that statement shows me that she totally knows it and probably enjoys it. Shavonda tries to explain the pressure she feels, and Shaun says that she shouldn't see him as an obligation. Shavonda tells him to forget it. Good luck with that.
Shavonda and MJ play pool, and Shavonda confesses that she just had a fight with Shaun. MJ asks if Shaun is worried about their relationship. MJ interviews that Shavonda is in the same boat he is right now, and that it's hard to have a relationship where you only talk to the person a few times a day. A few times a day? I'm married, and I live with my husband, and I don't know that we talk more than a few times a day. And most of those conversations are like, "What are we going to do about dinner?" and "Do you want to watch Jeopardy!?" MJ says that he would tell his partner if he were about to cheat, and Shavonda agrees that she would do the same. MJ interviews that he's honest in his relationship with Ashley, and that he promised to tell her if something is going to happen to their relationship.
MJ gets ready to go to bed, and Sarah announces that she's joining him. Shavonda interviews that the air conditioner broke, and that they are hot and miserable. Landon interviews that he and MJ have the coolest room in the house, temperature-wise. So why hasn't everyone piled into their room? And how is it cooler to sleep in the same bed as another warm, sticky human? Shavonda arrives and climbs into bed with Landon. Oh, yeah. No ulterior motives there. Landon and Shavonda argue over who's going to sleep in the bed and who's going to sleep on the floor. They play Rock Paper Scissors, and Shavonda wins the bed. Karamo walks in with a towel around his waist, and I'm completely distracted from what he's saying because the towel is about to fall off, and he has, it has to be said, a great ass. Anyway, I think Karamo interviewed something about Shavonda disrespecting her boyfriend by sleeping in Landon's bed.
In the morning, MJ and Sarah are sleeping in one bed, and Landon and Shavonda are in the other. MJ and Sarah appear to be doing some fondling and cuddling, and possibly kissing. If it's so hot, I don't get why everyone is swathed in blankets and comforters. Sarah thinks she took advantage of MJ in the night, and MJ claims he doesn't remember. Sarah interviews that MJ knows he kissed her. Landon interviews that there was probably "undercover play" between MJ and Sarah. Ew!
Landon and MJ walk down the street together. MJ thinks there's been some flirting in the house. Landon admits that he has a crush on Shavonda. MJ interviews that he can see Landon and Shavonda in a relationship. Landon giggles and blushes. MJ says that he doesn't see Shavonda and Shaun making it, but then admits that she's in the same situation he's in with Ashley. MJ interviews that the timing isn't right for him and Ashley. Landon advises MJ to tell Ashley how he's feeling, and MJ realizes that since he's admitted on national television that he wants to break up, he kind of has to tell Ashley now.
MJ calls Ashley and tells her that he fears having to walk on eggshells and worry every time he talks to a girl while he's in Philadelphia. MJ interviews that he doesn't cheat, but that he realizes that the possibility is out there. MJ says that he feels like he's been given an ultimatum. In a confessional, MJ says that breaking up is hard, because he still cares for Ashley and nothing has happened, but that the timing just isn't right. Then there's the weirdest conversation ever, where MJ and Ashley laugh, and he tells her to "keep on trucking" and she says that she'll talk to him when she sees him in hell, but they're both giggling, and either that was the most civilized breakup ever, or something weird is going on.
MJ plays the tabletop version of Commando they have in the house. I had to call J-Dawg in for a consultation on that one, and he says that it's "a classic." Whatever. Landon and Melanie (who?) walk in, and MJ informs them that he broke up with Ashley. Melanie thinks it's for the best, and that they might get back together when MJ goes back home. Landon interviews that he thinks MJ might "dabble a little bit with a roommate." Ew. Anything involving Sarah and sex is just gross.
Sarah totally interrupts MJ's nap to make sex talk about how he was "touching [her] all over this morning...and [she] liked it." God, shut UP, Sarah. And shut up, Sarah's ugly pink pants. Sarah interviews that MJ is "still on the fence with Ashley," which is why he's being "shy" about his attraction to her. Man, it would never occur to her that he's not that into her, huh? MJ continues to deny hooking up with Sarah, but laughs about it, so he's probably lying.
The roommates go out to a club. MJ dances with some blonde chicks. MJ interviews that he can do what he wants, and that blondes catch his eye. Sarah interviews that she gets bitter with MJ when he's surrounded by girls, not because he's jealous, but because it's not fun for her. Why is MJ responsible for Sarah's fun? If she's so hot and sexy and horny, why not just go find ten other guys to validate her existence?
Sarah and Shavonda have a ladies' room conference. Sarah is upset that MJ is denying their kiss. Shavonda says that MJ told her that he remembers, but that they kissed outside the house somewhere. Sarah says that they also kissed in the house. Shavonda interviews that she feels sexual tension in the house, and that Sarah has already marked MJ as her territory. MJ drunkenly tells Landon to go get the blonde's name. MJ! Do your own dirty work! Sarah whines to Shavonda and Karamo that MJ asked for the house phone number to give to some girl. They haven't even been in the house long enough for MJ to learn the phone number and Sarah is this possessive already? Cra-zee! Realizing that she's getting no support in her drama from Karamo, Sarah grabs Shavonda and says that she needs to leave. Shavonda interviews that Sarah yelled, just loud enough for MJ to hear it, that she was sexually frustrated. Shavonda really does have Sarah's number.
Sarah and Shavonda walk down the street while MJ macks on his blonde babe back at the club. Sarah says that the blonde is fat, which she absolutely is not. Sarah adds that the girl has badly-dyed blonde hair. Yeah, I hate it when women use unnatural means to change their appearance, like breast implants. MJ makes out with his blonde, and he is a really bad kisser. Sarah arrives home while MJ continues to make out poorly with his blonde babe at the club.
MJ walks in the house and Sarah immediately announces that she hates him. Landon says that MJ is a pimp. Sarah pointedly asks qhether MJ figured out the house phone number, since she wouldn't give it to him to give to other girls. MJ interviews that he couldn't figure out what Sarah's problem is. Do you really want to get me started, because we'll be here all night. Sarah yells at MJ that he can't ask for her to help him pick up other girls. But she doesn't let her emotions get involved in sex. And she doesn't get weird in the morning. Nope.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was the premiere of the second season of Starting Over, or as New Orleans Melissa calls it, "Old Lady Real World." This season, they are in Los Angeles, and they have brought in Oprah's buddy Iyanla Vanzant as a life coach. And that's awesome because she totally has taken over and last season's crazy-ass life coach, Rhonda, is relegated to the sidelines. And I predict it's a matter of weeks before Rhonda totally loses it. Also, there's one roommate, Deborah (pronounced De-BORE-ah) who is batshit crazy. She started out seeming like she was just outspoken and maybe a little rude. But now it turns out that she is pregnant (despite being premenopausal) and scheming to have a secret abortion, and also is trying to bully her fifteen-year-old daughter into doing something (arranging the abortion? Getting medical records?) through threats and intimidation. And week, it looks like the shit will hit the fan when the rest of the house finds out what's going on. Did I mention that Deborah has threatened to leave the house twice already? In the first week? And that Iyanla had to clap her hands and yell, "Deborah!" to get her to shut up in their group meeting? And that she works out on the treadmill while wearing a fanny pack and dancing and singing to herself? And that she uses a fork to eat cotton candy from a bag? There's so much more that I could tell you, and I haven't even gotten into the other roommates. Check your local listings and find out when it's on in your area, and then watch it. Because it is awesome.
After the break, Sarah is still telling MJ off. Landon and Karamo listen in and seem to be sort of amused. Sarah says that it would be like if she asked for MJ's help in picking up a hot guy. MJ's like, "Yeah? And? Because I would help you." Sarah abandons that tack, and says that the girl was "chubby" and "had bad roots." Which she wasn't, and she didn't, so that's nice. MJ interviews that "this girl had a very nice figure and very nice roots." Hee! MJ interviews that Sarah is "being a drama queen" and "ridiculous." True that.
Sarah explains that she has a certain level of respect for herself, and that she can't hook up one night and then help her trick to get another chick the . Isn't that exactly what she said she wanted to do in the episode? MJ protests that they just kissed. MJ interviews that Sarah wants more from him than he's willing to give. Sarah says that it's fine if he doesn't want to hook up again. Translation: I will boil your rabbit. Sarah says that she wants MJ, and that it hurts her to see him hooking up with other girls. MJ says that he didn't know she felt that way. Sarah protests that she doesn't want him to be her boyfriend. What the hell does she want? MJ says that he just broke up with his girlfriend yesterday. MJ interviews that he doesn't want a girlfriend while he's in the house. MJ apologizes, and Sarah sulks some more.
Landon drunkenly runs around the house and cackles. He leaps onto MJ's back in the hot tub. Interesting. Shavonda interviews that Landon is wild when he's drunk, and that it's getting old. Shavonda tells Landon she doesn't want to talk to him when he's drunk. Shavonda sits and reads a magazine. Landon tells Willie (who?) that he wants a nice girl, and that he's going to get her. He walks over and tries to talk to Shavonda, but she blows him off. Landon reports back to Willie that it didn't work, and then says that he's never hit on a girl. Also, interesting. Willie suggests that Landon try talking to her when he's sober.
In a confessional, MJ and Landon talk about Landon and Shavonda having crushes on each other. Both men are drunk. Landon sounds like a cross between Chris Farley and Campbell Scott in the drunk phone call scene in Singles. Landon says that he loves Shavonda, and MJ looks shocked, and asks if that's true. Landon starts explaining how he feels, and MJ interrupts to ask if he farted. Landon admits that he did, but that's "beside the purpose." MJ cracks up and tries to talk about how much it smells. Landon concludes that he really likes Shavonda.
MJ mistakenly goes to talk to Sarah again. Sarah complains that the whole situation is going to end looking like MJ hurt her, and that she has her pride. Sarah lies back on the bed, arches her back, and promises MJ that she could "rock [his] world." EW! Who says that? MJ says he just wants everything to be good, and kisses her on the cheek. Sarah tries to seductively trail her fingers down MJ's arm, and then comes right out and desperately say that she wants to make out. I thought she had so much pride. MJ interviews that Sarah puts him in situations that are sexual, and that it's human nature to respond. Sarah grabs MJ's hand and keeps telling him to come here. MJ leans over and kisses Sarah, and you know that inside, Sarah is thinking, "I won! He wants me!" So sad.