Previously on Real World: Brad spent the night in the drunk tank. Twice. Everyone got annoyed with Robin for all her excuses, especially Frankie.
Cameran and Robin sit outside Santana's (home of the famous sick-making burrito) in their work uniforms and wait for the other roommates to come and pick them up for work. Inside the SUV, Jamie tells Brad that they have to pick up Robin and Cameran, and Brad is annoyed that they went out to eat in the first place, since they have to be at work shortly. Back at Santana's, Robin fears they might not be picked up. Cameran says it's not their fault if they are late for work in that case, and Robin jokes that she's sure that it'll be her fault somehow. The SUV pulls up, and Brad lays on the horn and yells at the girls to get in the car. Totally not sensing the group's vibe, Robin and Cameran are all giggly about it, when everyone else is stone-faced. Robin complains that no one would drive her to get a burrito this morning, and she can't drive herself for some reason. Frankie says that Robin should have just eaten at the house, and Robin protests that they had an hour. Frankie points out that it's not enough time to go out and come back, so it inconvenienced everyone. Jamie is sitting in the back looking like she's about to have a meltdown because they're late for work again.
Boss Brian explains the bonus situation. The roommates have to prove that they can take the boat out and run a charter while working as a team. Brad interviews that they're looking at an extra $150. Each? Because I'm about to get my sail on for that money. Cameran clarifies that if one person screws up, they don't get the bonus. Brad says that they're a team, and Frankie bitches, "Except for Robin." Robin looks pissed but remains silent. Robin interviews that she didn't do anything to Frankie but try to be her friend. Jacquese whispers to Frankie and asks why she said that. Frankie responds that she knows she's being a bitch, but she's tired of Robin. Frankie interviews that she's fed up with Robin out of all her roommates because of her "princess attitude." I interpret that as "Robin sometimes takes attention away from me, so I hate her." Frankie repeats that she's done with Robin.
At the house, Jacquese asks Brad, Randy, and Robin if they're still on for Jell-O wrestling. Robin says she shouldn't be involved because she might get too aggressive. Jacquese asks if Robin wants to fight Frankie, and Robin insists that she's fine with Frankie. Brad thinks that Robin and Frankie should be the main event. Robin is perplexed about why everyone says that she and Frankie are on the outs, which leads me to believe that all of Frankie's tough talk has been behind Robin's back. Jacquese pervs, "I would love to see Robin and Frankie Jell-O wrestle. Not for me and my personal enjoyment, but just basically for them to get out their frustrations." Brad jokes that Frankie would probably pull a shank. Is she a prisoner in Oz? Robin asks if Frankie doesn't like her. Jacquese lies that he's just calling it like he sees it, and Brad yells out, "Of course she don't like you!" Robin laughs. Brad interviews that the conflict between Robin and Frankie is because Robin is "a cheerleader chick on speed" and Frankie's a "chilled-out punk rocker chick." Robin says that Frankie is always giving people the evil eye. Randy says that Frankie gives Robin the evil eye because she doesn't like her. Robin protests that she didn't do anything to Frankie.
“ There are so many domesticated animals out there that need homes, and here this guy is spending God knows how much money per month to feed and house a wild animal that would probably rather eat him than hang out with him. ”
Cameran, Jamie, and Frankie eat lunch. Jamie says that she thinks they should get a pet, and Cameran wonders what the most annoying pet would be. Why would you purposely pick out an annoying pet? These people are just complete enigmas to me. Jamie suggests a bird, and Cameran agrees. Frankie sits there and contemplates how she could turn this around to be all about her. At the pet store, Cameran thinks the birds are annoying. They spot a giant turtle, and the pet store employee lets them feed the turtle a melon. They check out a baby turtle, which pees all over Jamie's hand. Jamie keeps squeaking, "Pee pee! Pee pee!" I used to think Jamie didn't appear on the show that much because she's drama-free, but now I'm thinking that she's just really dull and not too bright.
Frankie has found her way to grab attention. She tells the pet store employee that she wants a pet that will get really big, but she can't afford anything too expensive. He suggests a Burmese python, because he owns one. Frankie is familiar with the animal. Frankie interviews that she loves snakes and has always wanted one. Jamie tells Frankie that the snakes get "humongous," and Frankie says that she knows. The employee pulls a baby snake out of a cage so that Frankie can hold it. He offers to show her his big python. Come on. I had to go there. Anyway, it's even more awesome when he adds, "It's in my car." Why does he keep his giant python in his car? And please don't email and explain it to me. I don't care. I will never in my life own a snake of any sort. I see them all the time when I'm walking my dog and I'm not a fan. And I think people who own them are irresponsible and self-absorbed, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Cameran interviews forcefully that snakes are stupid, and if you're going to get a pet, why would you get a reptile? I kind of agree, but my husband had a series of lizards and shit as a teenager, all of which he apparently killed accidentally. The employee lugs his giant python back into the store. It takes three people to carry it in. Jamie and Cameran are freaked out, so Frankie has to act all excited about it to be different. The snake weighs 220 pounds. Here's why I think that's irresponsible. You can't tell me that an animal like that, which is not domesticated, is happy living in a house or a car somewhere. Just let it live in the wild, you know? There are so many domesticated animals out there that need homes, and here this guy is spending God knows how much money per month to feed and house a wild animal that would probably rather eat him than hang out with him. Ugh. The girls all crowd around the snake and take turns helping to hold it up. The employee spends about ten seconds making sure that Frankie knows what she's getting into, and Frankie won't be dissuaded. Frankie goes to pay, and it's going to be $100. She only has $70, so she puts some down and promises to return with the rest tomorrow, after they get paid. What a waste. You can email me if you want, but I promise I won't change my mind. The only time I might consider it reasonable to own one of those is if some other asshole bought it at the pet store and then abandoned it, and you took it in a rescue-type situation.
“ Brad interviews that his father provided financially, but not emotionally. Brad says that he wants his son to feel like they are best friends. Yeah, that'll work out. Wait until he turns thirteen. ”
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. There was actually a tie for first place. The first one was during Average Joe: Adam Returns, and I realize that I am the only person watching that show. Anyway, Adam was on a golf date with some girl, and one of the former contestants from his season secretly pushed their golf cart into a pond. Not that awesome, but Adam's reaction was hilarious. He hopped about on one foot, and then dropped to the ground like there was incoming artillery fire. I rewound that about five times. The second most awesome thing was the painting of young Donald Trump hanging on the wall of Mar-a-Lago that appeared in this week's episode of The Apprentice. In case you didn't see it, it was an oil painting of the Trumpster, standing at attention like a young prince, looking better than Donald Trump has ever looked in his life. He looked like a Ken doll. Behind him was a beautiful sunset, and sunbeams were breaking through the clouds as if God himself approved of the grandeur of Trump. I paused the tape, and we laughed and laughed and laughed. And then we cried. And then we laughed some more. And it was awesome.
Brad tells Randy and Cameran about his parents while they ride in a cab. Brad says that his parents came from nothing, and his father really values money and grades above all. Brad interviews that his father provided financially, but not emotionally. Brad says that he wants his son to feel like they are best friends. Yeah, that'll work out. Wait until he turns thirteen. Randy and Cameran look like they're so sick of Brad's incessant babbling. Brad says that he loves his parents, but he vows to do things very differently with his own life. And if Brad's parents are anything like mine, they sacrificed a whole lot so that Brad would have that choice. Big ups to my parents, y'all! They're the bomb. And Brad should appreciate his a little more instead of being such a pinko about how they are keeping him down. Live in the real world and pay rent for a while, and then talk to me about why your father wanted you to have a valuable degree. I'm not saying that people shouldn't pursue their dreams, or that money is more important than fulfillment. I'm just saying that Brad has no right to judge his parents so harshly when he hasn't looked at things from their perspective and had to support a deadbeat son.
Brad talks to his mom on the phone and says that he has plans to move in with a friend and get a job as a private trader, because that's what his friend is doing. Brad's mom asks if he's been riding his bike, and Brad says that he hasn't. His mom suggests that he sell it, and Brad laughs. Cut to a long montage of Brad riding his motorcycle. Brad voice-overs that he has "a one-on-one relationship" with his bike. Ew!