Previously on The Real World: The roommates will be working on a sailboat, giving charter tours. Frankie told her roommates that she has Cystic Fibrosis, a lung disease, but that they shouldn't worry about it. I'm sure she meant to say, "Don't worry about it, as in 'don't give me crap about my smoking, but do worry about it if it provides us with a perfect excuse for quitting our job.'" But I'm getting ahead of myself.
An alarm clock rings at 11:39 AM, and the roommates struggle to wake up. Brad can't figure out how to turn off the alarm clock. Cameran whines that she doesn't want to get up. The roommates shuffle out of bed and grab some breakfast. Cameran sarcastically says that she can't wait to go to work, and that it's the highlight of her day. Cameran interviews that she doesn't like their job, and in fact, she both hates and dreads it.
Jamie tells Robin that they're supposed to be at work at noon. Jamie interviews that every day they have to work, she is stressed out because her roommates make her late. Is there a law that says they all have to go to work together? I don't know how far it is, but couldn't Jamie ride a bike, or walk, or something? By all rights, she should be allowed to take the van so that she gets there on time, but it looks like she's in the minority, so I don't think that would go over too well. Anyway, Jamie prefers to whine about it. Brad drives the van, as Jamie sits in the back and looks miserable. Brad can't find a parking space, and decides that he should just park in one-hour parking and pay the ticket. One of the girls tells Brad that the car will be towed. Frankie sits in the back and looks miserable as well. And it's 12:35 PM, and they were supposed to be at work at noon. Robin says that the whole thing sucks, and Brad laughs that they should just put in their two weeks' notice today. Everyone laughs weakly, and Frankie starts coughing.
The roommates finally arrive at work, forty-five minutes late. Jamie interviews that she's expecting a scolding from Brian, the boss, and that they deserve it, and that she hopes it will motivate her roommates to get there on time. Brian tells the roommates that they need to be on time, and that it's not like they start at 8:00 AM. They start at noon. As someone who, left to my own devices, tends to stay up really late and wake up really late, I kind of resent the implication that people who wake up at noon are inherently lazy. I do my best work after midnight, which means that I frequently sleep until noon, and I'm lucky enough to have a job situation that allows me to do so some days. That said, the problem here is not what time they have to get up. The problem is that they are late. It doesn't matter if you are supposed to be at work at noon or 8:00 AM -- you should be on time, and you should also either go to bed at an appropriate time to make that happen, or suck it up and deal. My brother worked a summer job at a golf course for many years, and he would go out with his friends until 3:00 AM, and still make it to work by 6:00 AM every day. I don't know how he did it, and I think sometimes he was still drunk when he got there, but he never called in sick. I kind of admire that. I am the opposite: I would have come home earlier so that I could get more sleep. Anyway, you get my point.
On the boat, Cameran winds a rope. Cameran interviews that her job is to follow instructions to tighten or loosen the rope as needed. Jacquese asks Frankie to tighten up his rope, and she leans over and cranks a giant handle. It's like the handle to the world's biggest pencil sharpener, but double-sided. The roommates refer to this cranking process as "grinding." Frankie interviews that she thinks that because she has CF, she is winded more easily than the other roommates are. Well, that and the smoking. Frankie adds that she tries to stay away from grinding when she can. Robin and Jamie grind, and Frankie coughs into her hand.
After the tour, Brian sits the roommates down and tells them that they need to work as a team. He asks them to let him know if they're not feeling well so that he understands why they might need to slack off a little. In a confessional, Frankie says that she really hates their job, and that she really hates Brian. Yeah, how dare he insist that they do work, unless they are sick? What an asshole! Brian says he's just telling them how things need to be done. Brad interviews that he feels like Brian is the main reason why they hate the job, because he looks at them like "a bunch of little kids who have no clue what [they] are doing." Imagine that. They show up late for work. Some of them failed the test the first time out. I've heard some of the conversations they have at work, and "insipid" and "vapid" both come to mind. So I wonder where Brian got the idea that they are idiots? And even if it wasn't justified, everyone has shitty jobs with shitty bosses. It builds character. It's only for three months. Suck it up.
In the van, everyone complain about Brian's attitude and their job in general. Randy asks if he can be promoted to not being on the boat. Frankie interviews that she thinks her roommates hate the job as much as she does. Back home, Brad says he's into the idea of giving notice and finding a new job. Cameran says that they can't. Brad asks what would happen if they all did it as a group. Cameran says that might be different. Jacquese listens and rubs his face. Cameran says that she'd be up for it, but that not everyone would. Brad asks who wouldn't be into it, and Robin says that she would go along. Jacquese is silent.
In bed that night, Randy hugs his pillow and complains about how lonely and horny he is. Brad asks Randy, "How many nuts did you bust since we got here?" I don't even know what that means. How many times he's had sex? I don't want to go any further than that, so I'll assume that's what they're talking about. Randy says that he's done it three or four times, and Brad and Jacquese say that they haven't had any. Jacquese says he doesn't even know if his equipment works anymore. Randy yells, "That's just tomfoolery!" Hee! "Tomfoolery." Point for Randy.
Randy calls some chick he met a week ago at a party, whose name is Erin. Randy invites Erin and her friends over to hang out that night, and she agrees to show up. That night, Erin and her two girlfriends show up with a twelve-pack of beer. Randy introduces the ladies to Jacquese and Cameran. Erin drinks some wine and smiles, and there's something really jacked up about one of her front teeth. It looks like it's bloody above it. Ew! Cameran interviews that Randy is trying to "mack on" Erin, and that she thinks Randy needs some female company other than the roommates. Everyone eats sunflower seeds, which is, like, a major plot point this week for no apparent reason. Randy takes Erin outside and shows her their super-cool fire pit, which is filled with what look like colored rocks from the bottom of a fish tank, but they are somehow flammable. Like, you just hold a lighter up to it, and a fire starts. I don't know what those things are, but I kind of want them. I wonder if they release smoke and/or toxins. Randy interviews that when he's around someone he finds attractive, he is very affectionate.
Jacquese, Brad, and Erin's friends end up outside as well. Everyone eats more sunflower seeds and talks about how great they are. Is this episode sponsored by the Sunflower Seed Council of America? Jacquese interviews that they started talking about teeth, and that Erin admitted that she has a fake front tooth. Hey, me too! Jacquese adds that Erin followed up by popping out her tooth and showing it off. Okay, mine doesn't come out, and that's just gross. Why would you do that in front of a guy you were trying to impress? That's not sexy. Jacquese interviews that it wasn't ladylike, and that you shouldn't do that on the first date. It has nothing to do with being a lady. It has everything to do with not being disgusting. The scene ends with a shot of sunflower seed hulls. Are they equating those to fake teeth or something? I don't get it.
Erin's friends are ready to leave. Randy heads upstairs and says that he's going to call them a cab. He asks if one of the ladies wants to be "a representative" and talk to the cab company. Oh, that's sly. Randy clearly wants Erin to join him, and she does. Erin's friend joins Jacquese on the giant beanbag. I refuse to call it a Love Sac. Jacquese predicts that Randy's going to "put it down." Erin's friend asks what that means, and Jacquese says that Randy and Erin are making out. Randy interviews that if he wants to kiss someone, that's his business, and that he doesn't want to do it in front of his roommates. Jacquese, Cameran, and Erin's friend sneak upstairs and try to listen in. You can totally see Cameran's underwear, for those who are interested in that sort of thing. Erin's friend reports that she hears giggling, and Jacquese says that he's a bootyologist. Yeah, he loves to talk about it because he never gets any. It's kind of pathetic. Jacquese peeks through the walls, which are just sheets of bamboo fencing. The camera does the same, and we see Randy and Erin kissing. Downstairs, Jacquese whispers to Cameran and Brad, "All I kept thinking was, when Big Rand kissin' her, I hope her fake tooth don't come out!" Everyone laughs and laughs. Jacquese interviews that Randy might start chewing on her tooth, thinking that it's a sunflower seed. Ah, so that's why they kept bringing up the sunflower seeds. Too much buildup for not enough payoff.
Randy sees Erin to her cab and promises to call her on Monday. Inside the house, Jacquese, Cameran, and Brad are still giggling about Erin's tooth. Cameran interviews that Erin not only had a fake tooth, but also had hair extensions. Randy walks inside, and Jacquese starts screaming with laughter about the fake hair and fake teeth. I will admit that I have participated in my share of making fun of friends for the grody people they hooked up with, but Jacquese is just a little too into it. All Randy has to say is, "At least I'm getting some." But Randy is too ashamed. Jacquese interviews that Randy likes his girls "young and gummy." Randy tells everyone to shut up. Jacquese follows Randy into the bedroom and asks if he's going to call Erin again. Randy says sadly (and drunkenly), "Probably not. She had a fake tooth and extensions." I don't know why Randy cracks me up so much, but he does. I think I like him and Brad better because they don't try so hard. Jacquese. Cameran walks into the room with one of her teeth blacked up and tries to get Randy to look at her. Brad mimes taking out a tooth and hands it to Jacquese, who mimes putting it in his pocket. Poor Randy. I mean, poor Erin too, but she asked for it when she popped her tooth out on national television. Poor judgment.
The morning, Jamie goes around and wakes everyone up. Brad gets up and announces that he doesn't want to be on the boat today. Frankie opens the refrigerator and then coughs and coughs without covering her mouth. Nice. Jamie says that they should leave. Brad interviews that they have two charters, and they think it sucks. The roommates pile into the van and have five minutes to get there. Jamie interviews that they need to be there in time for the charter to leave, and she's stressed out and fed up. Frankie coughs some more.
The roommates get on the boat. Brad comments that it's chilly. Frankie coughs some more. Robin interviews that Frankie is afraid of ships, and that she doesn't want to get wet or cold so that she doesn't get sick. Frankie coughs some more. Hasn't the scientific community established that getting wet and cold doesn't make you sick? It's either germs or a virus. Plus, Frankie already seems to be sick, with the coughing and all. Frankie pulls Brian aside to talk to him. She tells him she's worried that being in a wet and cold environment will make her sick, and that she wanted to discuss it before it became an issue. Frankie interviews that she can't get wet or cold. So put on an extra sweatshirt and a slicker, or quit the job. For someone who hates herself and doesn't take her medicine, and smokes, Frankie is suddenly very concerned about her health when it might get her out of a job. Brian says that it's not like Frankie is running a marathon. Frankie says that grinding gets her out of breath. Brian says it's not like she's going to keel over. Frankie interviews that Brian has no idea what she goes through on a daily basis, and that she won't tell him because she doesn't want to seem weak. Unless it might get her out of a job. Does Brian know about Frankie's disease? That was never made clear.
That night, the roommates call a house meeting to discuss the job. Brad interviews that they, as a group, "aren't feeling the job that much." Oh, they're not FEELING it. And here I thought they were just being babies. Cameran suggests that they go around and say what they think. Randy says that he would quit if that's what everyone needs to be happy. Robin says she'll do the job if she has to, but that she'd like to quit. Cameran says that the job sucks, and that she wants to quit. Brad says he was on the fence, but now he wants to quit. Jamie says that she doesn't like the job, and that she's not happy. Jamie interviews that some days she doesn't have the energy to push everyone to be on time. Why is it her responsibility? Let them be late and let them suffer the consequences. Jacquese says that he's never quit anything, and that he doesn't want to quit now. Frankie appears to be reading a speech from a piece of paper. She claims that she's a soldier, and that if she's put in a situation, she'll do it to the best of her ability. Frankie emotionally adds that when it comes to physical labor, she runs out of breath before everyone else, and she hates to say that and look weak, but that she can't do it. Frankie says that she'll stick it out if everyone wants to, but that she won't be able to go out on the boat in November, because it will be wet and cold and she'll have to go to the hospital. That is the biggest load of horseshit I've ever heard. Frankie doesn't give two shits about taking care of herself until it might get her out of a job she hates. If it is legitimately affecting her health, she should talk to the producers about making other arrangements. She just wants to be a martyr for doing the same work everyone else does. Bleh.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was an episode of The Brady Bunch where the kids at Marcia's school nominate a dumpy plain girl named Molly to be some hostess of some banquet, like, were schools in the 1970s really that boring or did the show just make things like that up? Who has elections for a hostess for some banquet? It was probably just an opportunity for everyone to talk about how great Marcia is anyway. So Marcia decides to help Molly out with a makeover, and instead of telling Marcia to fuck off, Molly goes for it. So Marcia does Molly's hair and makeup and makes her walk around with a book on her head, like, did that ever help anyone ever? So Molly is now apparently a knockout, although given the fashions on that show, it's hard to tell. But Greg and Peter practically pop boners when Molly walks in wearing a knitted sweater vest with an American flag on it, a micromini straight out of Marcia's closet, and knee socks. And of course, she got rid of her glasses. In the early 1970s, this meant that she was a hottie. So then, of course, through some convoluted circumstances, Marcia has to run against Molly for the hostess gig, and feels a little bad, but not bad enough to decline the nomination. But then Molly turns into a total bitch, which is kind of awesome, and I missed the ending, but I can guess that Molly didn't win and had some sort of comeuppance and had to admit that the Brady way is the best way. Which always happens, so it's awesome.
Brad suggests that they take a vote. Everyone votes to quit except Jacquese. Robin wants to know Jacquese's reasons. Jacquese says that he means no disrespect to Frankie, and that this is about six other people as she said, but that quitting also reflects badly on the individual. Jacquese interviews that he doesn't want to quit the job because he's not a quitter.
The morning, Jacquese calls his mother and tells her about the vote they took. Mama Jacquese is happy to hear that Jacquese voted not to quit. She explains that you don't quit a job just because you don't like it, because many times in life, you have to do things you don't like. Also, would someone point out that it's just a shitty summer job, which everyone has at that age. It's not a career! Jacquese interviews that he doesn't like the job, but that he'll do what he has to do. Jacquese tells his mom about Frankie's disease. Jacquese interviews that Frankie should worry more about the effects of smoking than being on the boat. Mama Jacquese advises her son to talk to the boat's owner, and that everyone can't use Frankie's health as an excuse to quit. She sounds like a great mom.
Robin asks some of the roommates if they can come up with an alternative or compromise to quitting the job. Robin interviews that she thinks they might be able to take up the slack so that Frankie doesn't have to do anything that might jeopardize her health. Brad interviews that he wants to try to change his attitude towards the job, because complaining about it every day makes it worse.
The roommates go to work. Jamie and Brian are in a separate boat, towing the sailboat out. Jamie tells Brian about Frankie's disease, and how Frankie is eager to get married and have kids because she doesn't know how long she'll live. This is going to sound cold, but is that fair to the kids? I mean, her husband will go into it knowing the consequences, but it seems a little harsh to give birth knowing that you're probably going to die when they are very young. Anyway. Jamie says that Frankie just wanted to talk to Brian in case something happened.
Brian pulls Frankie aside later and wants to talk to her about getting cold, and asks if everything is going okay and how she is feeling. Frankie says she'll have to wear a lot more clothes. See, this is Frankie's opportunity to explain her concerns, and she totally acts like she didn't want to talk to Brian at all. Brian says that's fine, and that she needs to keep him in the loop. I feel like, given the roommates' reactions, there was some sort of incident with Brian. I also feel like, when they started talking about quitting, the producers intervened somehow. I'm just sorry that we didn't get to see that happen, if it did. Frankie interviews that she hasn't given anyone enough credit for caring about her well-being, because she thinks she's not worth caring about. Bleh. The roommates wash off the boat. Jamie dances around. Brad interviews that they need to make the job fun themselves. Everyone laughs and cuts up. Problem solved! In only twenty-two minutes!
Erin calls the house, and Frankie answers by speaking Spanish. Erin responds in Spanish, which totally throws Frankie off. Hee! Erin asks for Randy, and Frankie puts down the phone and makes a face. Frankie interviews that Erin is a "homely homegirl" who's trying to get a second date with Randy. Fuck off, Frankie. Man, I can't stand her. Frankie imitates Erin's ditzy behavior as she tells Randy that he has a phone call. Randy asks Frankie to say that he went on a beer run. Frankie gives Erin the message, and then tells Jamie she feels bad. Frankie yells to Randy that he's an asshole, and that he shouldn't have made out with the toothless girl in the first place. Randy asks for the solution, because he made a mistake while he was drunk. Randy asks what the proper etiquette is for that. How about "It's not you, it's me"? Frankie asks what Randy told Robin after their drunken mistakes. Jamie giggles. Randy says he prefers "avoidance until it's a problem." Randy interviews that he's hoping if Erin doesn't call back, the problem will disappear. He's such a boy. Boys, if you are reading this, don't do that. Have the decency to get on the phone and say something about how you're so busy and you don't really have time to date and whatever. The girl will get the hint. When you don't call, we think that you might still like us, and it just leads to heartbreak and wasted time. Girls, the same goes for you, by the way. Public service announcement over.