Before we start, I just wanted to dedicate this recap to the memory of Mary-Ellis Bunim. I know I give Production a lot of guff for a lot of things, but without her, this show (and many other shows I enjoy) wouldn't exist, and she was truly a pioneer in reality television. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends.
Jacquese drives his roommates somewhere in the van. Jacquese interviews that he doesn't think he should go to the bar, PB Grill, because it is known for confiscating fake IDs, and he's only nineteen. Jamie and her "pals" (they are never identified by name, but there are three guys with her) walk down the sidewalk. Brad and Randy get their IDs checked at the door and walk in. The bouncer looks at Jacquese's ID and then sticks it in his pocket and tells Jacquese he can't go inside. Jacquese protests weakly and then walks away. Jacquese interviews that he can get the ID back (he can?), but that he's using it as an excuse to avoid going out with his roommates, because "they don't know how to act." Jamie whines that Jacquese couldn't get in. Jacquese says he tried everything. Jamie asks if he tried bribing the bouncer, and Jacquese lies that he did. Jamie and her pals go inside.
In the bar, Randy and Brad discuss the fact that the two of them are there to meet ladies. They're psyched to have a guys' night out. That introduces the montage of Brad talking to women and drinking beer.
Jamie calls Frankie and Robin, who are busy drinking at home. Jamie tells them to warn Cameran that the bouncers are being really strict. Robin quizzes Cameran on the stats on her fake ID. Cameran says that she was born in May, and that her sign is Capricorn, which is totally wrong. Look that shit up! Robin interviews that Cameran is young and naïve, and Robin feels like she need to look out for her. Cameran reviews the information on her ID again, and Robin laughs that Cameran is supposed to be older than Robin is. Cameran chews her gum like a cow, and they decide to head out.
Brad and Randy are still drinking at the bar, and Brad is still talking to the ladies. Outside, Cameran gets turned down at the door because she has an ID card and they'll only accept a driver's license. Robin says that she's not going home to get the driver's license. The bouncer isn't sympathetic. Robin interviews that she doesn't resent that Cameran is younger, but you can tell she totally does. Frankie offers to call Cameran a cab from inside. Man, when I used to go out with my friends, if one person didn't get in, we all went home. Then again, they were my friends, and not complete strangers that I met a week ago. Frankie goes into the bar.
Brad and Randy are doing shots inside. Outside, the bouncer tells Cameran that the ID is fake, but he does give it back to her. Robin interviews that a group of guys behind them were making rude comments, and making fun of Cameran's failure to get into the club. Some guy yells out, "Go to the Fake World." Ooh, good one. Except totally not. Robin turns around and makes a comment, and the guy says something back, so Robin punches the guy in the arm. Now, she shouldn't have touched the guy, period. But the punch she gave was like a "two for flinching" kind of punch, in the shoulder, and then she walked away. The guys all laugh at her, and one of them says that Robin "hits like a bitch." Cameran interviews that she was thinking, "You can't hit people." Robin calls Cameran over and shows her a waiting cab. Cameran protests that she doesn't even know where they live. She doesn't? Not even the general area? Maybe she was just trying to make up an excuse so that Robin would have to come with her, to remove Robin from the situation. I'm going with that. Robin writes their address down and says that she can't believe Cameran is making her fight people. Robin interviews that she knew she shouldn't have hit the guy, but that he was laughing at the whole situation, so she figured it was over. Cut to a shot of the hecklers going into the club. Robin really condescendingly tells the cab driver where to go, and promises to be home in a minute. Cameran takes off in the cab.
Robin goes back to the club, and Frankie is suddenly outside again. The hecklers are nowhere to be seen. Inside the club, Brad is drunkenly hooting and hollering. Frankie is drinking and kind of weaving around. The club manager walks up to Robin, who is seated at a table, and tells her that someone is waiting for her outside. Robin follows the manager outside, and is obviously drunk and confused, because she thinks Cameran is going to be out there waiting. Or Frankie. She keeps asking where her girlfriend is. Instead, there are two cops out there. One cop asks her what happened. Robin slurs that there was a guy acting very rude and she pushed him and told him to stop and get away. Which isn't what happened at all, and there were a lot of witnesses, so she might want to try telling the truth. The cop asks if Robin touched the guy besides what she has already described, because the guy has some scratches. Robin insists that she didn't give them to him. She shows how short her nails are, to indicate that she couldn't scratch anyone if she tried. Robin says that it's all on camera, and that they can rewind the tape. The cop says that Robin is under arrest for now. He cuffs her. Robin starts crying as she is led to the cop car. The cop puts her inside and doesn't even do that cool "protect the perp's head as she gets into the car" thing. The cops stay outside to take the victim's statement. Robin gets more and more upset in the back seat, and starts yelling that she didn't do anything. Then she does the fakest cry I've ever heard and says that she wants to go home. If all that happened was what we were shown, she might still be guilty of battery. But if the guy made up the second part of the story, he's kind of a loser. Although I wasn't that impressed with him to start out with, due to his "fake world" comment. If you're going to heckle, at least be witty about it.
As Robin sits in the back of the cop car, Brad and Randy walk out of the bar. They walk right by Robin, and have no idea. They're pissed about something. Brad interviews that they got thrown out by the bouncer. Brad says that he wants to go home. Robin's cop car pulls away, and none of her roommates have any idea that she just got arrested. Brad interviews that he was just trying to go home, and some of the crowd on the sidewalk started heckling him. I've never understood the desire to heckle Real World cast members in person. I prefer to do it on the internet. Brad starts yelling back to the crowd, and Randy tries to get him to shut up. Brad tells one guy that he has a receding hairline. Ooh! Below the belt! Maybe Brad should just whip out his penis now. Brad yells, "Sorry about your hairline!" Hee! That's so ridiculous that it's funny. A cop comes up and asks Brad and Randy if they have a ride to get anywhere. Randy says that they are getting a taxi right now. The cop tells them to get a cab right now, or they can go down to the police station. Brad and Randy both respectfully say that they understand.
While the cop is standing there, people keep heckling, and Brad makes a comment back. The cops immediately cuff Brad. And while it wasn't entirely Brad's fault, the cops could hardly arrest the entire crowd, so removing Brad from the situation does seem the wisest move right now. Brad asks why he's getting arrested, and the cops tell him that he's drunk in public. Randy stands on the curb and helplessly watches as Brad gets led away by the cops.
Frankie walks up behind Randy. Yeah, where was Frankie this whole time? Randy slurs that Brad got arrested, and Frankie starts laughing. Brad asks the cops if they can talk, and the cops say no. Brad shakes his head and laughs at his situation. The cops push Brad into the car as Brad protests that he wasn't trying to cause a fuss, and explains that the guy's hairline was "fading." Brad admits that his own hairline is fucked up. How can the cops not be laughing at this? The hecklers continue yelling at Brad, and Brad asks the cops to arrest everyone for laughing at him. Brad overhears the cop say something about "the penal code" over his radio, and starts cracking up. As they drive away, Brad says, "The penal code? I didn't pull out my penis." Man. Drunk people are annoying, but sometimes they are funny.
Back at the house, Jamie and her friends are outside. Jacquese and Cameran are sleeping inside. Randy and Frankie stumble back to the house. Randy won't shut up about the fact that Brad is "straight-up arrested." Randy bursts into the bedroom and yells to Jacquese that Brad got "straight-up arrested" for being drunk in public. Jacquese looks like, "I'm never getting to sleep tonight, am I?" and he puts on his glasses. Randy says that they need to find out where Brad is and pick him up, and that Randy can't do it because he's been drinking. Jacques interviews that he knew Randy couldn't call the jail because he was too drunk.
Randy, Frankie, and Jacquese head to the phone room. Randy is still babbling that Brad "got snatched up on a side street for no reason." Jacquese calls the jail and says he's trying to find out where Brad is and how to get him out. Frankie is sitting on the floor, with her head on Randy's thigh and one hand on his crotch. I'm not kidding. Randy isn't really reacting. Jacquese finds out that Brad isn't entered into the system yet, so they just have to wait until he gets processed. Frankie stands up and sits down in the chair with Randy, cuddling up to him. Frankie starts scratching Randy's back. Jacquese hangs up and explains that they can't do anything right now. Randy asks what their step is. Jacquese says that they have to wait.
Randy protests that they weren't doing anything wrong. Jacquese asks Frankie where Robin is. Frankie doesn't know. Jacquese asks where Jamie is, and Frankie looks confused, and then just says, "Robin." Jacquese starts laughing and says that Jamie is already home. They go sit outside, and Frankie keeps rubbing on Randy. Jacquese asks where Robin is, and now Frankie decides that Robin must be with another boy. Jacquese asks if Robin knows that Brad got arrested. Frankie nods yes, and Randy says there's no way she knows. Heh. Jacquese interviews that he's the only sober one in the house, and that he's trying to figure out what's going on.
Jamie and her pals walk up to the house. Apparently, they were fishing. At like 2:00 AM. I don't know. Jamie asks if they got kicked out of the bar. Randy takes the opportunity to repeat that Brad got arrested for no reason. Jamie's jaw drops, and she asks what's going on. She asks where Frankie and Robin are. Jacquese says that Frankie's home, and that Robin is still at the bar. Jamie asks why this night is so crazy. Randy answers that by babbling, "We weren't causing no sorts of trouble. We didn't step on nobody's toes. My man didn't do a thing." Jamie and her friends climb over some railing and head for the hills. This is the most bizarre episode, ever. Also, when Randy is drunk, he talks like Jason Mewes.
Cameran comes into the house, and Randy yells that Brad got arrested. Cameran starts laughing, and Randy says he was close to getting arrested too. Somebody (Frankie or Jamie?) says that this will definitely be an episode. Cameran asks where Brad is, and Randy decides that Brad is in the county jail. Cameran says that they need to bail him out. Good thing Cameran's around, because no one else would have thought of that. Jacquese tells Cameran that it's not that simple. Cameran asks where Robin is. Randy says that she's still at the club, and someone else yells that nobody knows where Robin is. Randy yells, "Brad is not a malivolint [sic] person." I think he meant "malevolent," but that's sure not what he said.
Jacquese tells Randy to go lie down, and that it'll be okay. Randy says that until Brad is free, he's not sleeping. Jacquese picks up on this and says that they should go on a hunger strike until Brad is freed. Jamie's pals start cracking up. Jacquese yells out, "Free Brad!" and pumps his fist in the air. Later, Jacquese comes into the living room, and we see he's taped a piece of paper to his shirt that says, "Free Brad." Jamie and her pals laugh and laugh. Jacquese and Cameran walk out to the deck. Jacquese has a forty, and he pours some over the railing and says it's for Brad. Cameran yells, "Free Brad!" and then tells Jacquese to pour out the whole thing. Jacquese says that Brad would kick her ass for pouring his beer out, and that they're going to give it to Brad when he comes home.
Jamie kicks it promo-style and says, "Robin is missing. Brad's in jail. What else could go wrong?" Randy is standing there eating; he tried to make his own "Free Brad" sign like Jacquese, but apparently he was too drunk to form actual letters, so he just has a big scribble on his paper. Dude, that's hilarious.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week may have been Randy's scribble taped to his chest, but that doesn't really count. I also rewatched one of the classic Lifetime movies, called Death Of A Cheerleader. (It's also been aired under the title A Friend To Die For.) Anyway, Becca Thatcher plays a goody two-shoes who transfers from Catholic school to public school and has trouble fitting in. She idolizes the popular girls, and the most popular of them all is Tori Spelling, of course. So Becca decides to become popular by doing activities. She joins the Larks, which is a service organization for the popular girls. She hopes to become yearbook editor, but she doesn't get it, even though she's the best writer in the sophomore class. She hopes to become a cheerleader, even though she's not very athletic. Through it all, she wants to become best friends with Tori Spelling, even though Tori is a huge bitch. When Becca gets cut from the cheerleaders, she has a nervous breakdown, which she portrays by widening her eyes and playing with her hair more than usual. Becca's sister tries to console her while they are driving in the car, and her sister is totally eating a cucumber with a knife while driving, and she offers some to Becca by poking the knife into Becca's face, like, first of all, who eats a cucumber plain, and second of all, who slices a cucumber while driving, and third of all, her sister then totally leaves the knife in the car, like what if someone sits on it or something? So then Becca gets the idea to take Tori to a party that she heard about. So Becca tells her parents that she's babysitting and somehow convinces her mom (Valerie Harper) to drive her over and then leave the car, even though Becca doesn't have a license, so that it will look like someone's home while she's babysitting. So Valerie Harper has to walk home in these unsafe conditions. So then Becca drives over to Tori's house, but Tori thinks the whole thing is horseshit and wants to stop and smoke a joint, except she calls it "grass" which was unintentionally hilarious. So then Tori decides to bail on the whole thing, and goes to a nearby house and asks for a ride home, and the dad gives her one, and Becca follows, and before Tori gets into her house, Becca runs up and stabs her, like, twenty times, and then runs away. And the guy giving the ride sort of saw what happened and didn't even stop and help Tori, or chase after Becca, which was weird. So then the cops are trying to figure out who did it, and they don't know, and Becca's alibi is that she was babysitting, which the cops never even bother to check out, even though Becca fits the killer's description and drives the car that was seen leaving the murder scene. So then it's, like, ten months later and Becca feels guilty and ends up confessing and going to trial, and the trial part is really long, for no reason, because whether she's guilty of first or second degree, the punishment is the same since she's a minor. And there's this whole ridiculous trial with no jury or anything and then the judge lectures the community on being more tolerant of poor people and then Becca goes to juvenile detention. And it was awesome.
It's 1:45 AM. Jacquese, Frankie, and Randy are lying in a bed somewhere. Frankie is all snuggled up to Randy, who is babbling that civilization needs to start over. Jacquese interviews that he doesn't know what's going on, but that Frankie is a very affectionate person when she gets drunk. Randy mumbles and asks how much longer it will be until they can prove that Brad is innocent. Jacquese can't even understand what Randy just said, and starts laughing at him. Randy and Frankie are laughing too, although they don't know why. Randy tries to repeat his question, but it keeps coming out more and more garbled. Cameran interviews that Randy and Frankie are both drunk, and Frankie is stroking Randy's neck and whispering in his ear. Randy says that there's no reason for Brad to be arrested. Jacquese says that, seeing Randy's condition, there's no reason for Brad to be arrested and Randy to be free. Randy vows that they will all do whatever it takes to get Brad out, but he can't say it very forcefully, because Frankie picks that moment to start kissing his neck. Randy claims that they live in a police state as Frankie lifts up his shirt and starts rubbing his stomach and inching her hand toward his waistband. Jacquese interviews that Frankie has a boyfriend back home, and that he feels bad for the boyfriend. Randy claims that Brad is innocent, and "committed no crime...but living." Hee! The camera pans down to show that Randy totally has his hand on Frankie's ass.
Now it's 2:10 AM. Cameran is asleep. Frankie is passed out. Jacquese interviews that he's waiting for Brad to call so that they can find out where he is. Jacquese checks the voice mail, and there's a message from Brad. Brad's message says, "I'm in jail! Pick me up, bitch! [unintelligible]. I'm locked up, bitch! Let me out!" Jacquese starts laughing and listens to the message again. He falls down laughing and then lets Randy listen. Jacquese says that they have to go get him. Jacquese interviews that these are the six craziest people he's ever been around.
Randy walks downstairs and mumbles something about how Brad knows where he is. The phone rings. Jacquese picks it up, and it's Robin, and she's crying. Maybe that's legitimate, but her cry sounds really fake. Robin starts sobbing, and says that she's in jail and that she didn't do anything. Robin tries to explain what happened, but she's clearly still drunk, because she's not very coherent. Jacquese asks where she is, and Robin sobs that she doesn't know. Jacquese tries to get her to ask someone where she is, but Robin is distraught. She finally gets a name, but isn't sure of the pronunciation. She asks Jacquese to hurry and hangs up.
Jacquese calls back the main jail information line. Jamie walks in, and Jacquese tells her that Robin's in jail too. Jamie's jaw drops again. Randy has passed out. Jacquese talks to the jail information guy, who is really pleasant and has a nice phone manner, considering that he has a shitty job. Jacquese explains that he now has two people he's trying to find. The guy finds Robin's name in their database and explains that she's charged with battery, and that she'll be in custody until her court appearance. Jacquese asks if they can get her out. The guy says that Robin's bail is $8,000. Jacquese repeats that information for Jamie, who puts her head in her hands and asks what they're going to do. Well, whatever it is, we won't find out until the episode!