Previously on The Real World: Tonya wore the tightest jeans ever to Walla Walla, where her boyfriend, Justin, greeted her. Tonya had kidney stones, which are "not really common in someone [her] age." The doctor gave her some medicine. Kyle had a girlfriend named Nicole, but he was nervous about completely committing to her. If he were single, he would love to date Keri.
The beach. They show the same clip of a kid doing a back handspring in the water that they used before. Kyle and Keri work as lifeguards. They eat lunch together. Where is Chris? Kyle says that Tonya is going to bring Justin to his family's lake house, and Chris is talking about bringing Kurt. Kyle thinks that "Chris and Kurt, at [his] lake house, would be a trip." You know those gays and their hijinks. In an interview, Keri explains that Kyle has invited all of the roommates to his lake house. Kyle explains what a lake house is, for those of you who wouldn't figure it out. Get this -- it's a house. Near a lake. And it's "a very summery place." Kyle says that CJP's parents are coming to town, but that she still wants to go, as do Theo and Aneesa. Kyle concludes, "That's everybody!" Keri points out that he forgot her, and Kyle says that he already knows that she wants to go. Keri's eating a sub, and it looks really good.
Tonya talks on the phone with Justin. She tells him that she misses him. In an interview, Tonya says that Justin is coming to visit, and that she's very excited. This is still that interview where Tonya is wearing that stupid pink headband, and it's driving me nuts. They do an interview every week -- why do they have to keep using footage from this one? Tonya says that she is excited to be in Chicago, but she also longs to be with Justin. I long for her to be with Justin as well, especially if it means she'll be off-camera and not talking. On the phone, Tonya tells Justin that they didn't need this growing experience because they have each other. Oh, puke. In an interview, Tonya says that she knows she's going to marry Justin and that he will marry her, as opposed to her marrying him and then him marrying someone else, I guess. Also, Tonya thinks that people spend their whole lives searching for what she and Justin have. Does anyone get the feeling that, in ten years, Tonya is going to be divorced, with two kids, and working as a waitress in a diner somewhere? Telling all of the patrons how she used to be on television, while they share wry smiles over the fact that she was probably real pretty once? It's like her life is a country song. I know that it's possible to marry young and stay married, but usually the people who manage that are a little more realistic about their relationships and don't pronounce them perfect at every opportunity. Tonya starts crying over how much she misses Justin.
The camera follows Theo around a corner, but then oddly cuts to Kyle and Keri lying in bed in this weird room where the doorway is basically an oval cut into the wall. Kyle says that he thinks Justin is going to propose while he's visiting. Keri agrees that Justin probably will, because it's "so cheesy." Kyle agrees that it's "tacky." I think that reveals a lot about how Kyle and Keri feel about Tonya, doesn't it? In a confessional, Kyle says that he thinks Justin will propose in a "dramatic" fashion. Kyle tells Keri that if it doesn't happen, it's no big deal, but if it does, he'll look like Nostradamus. Did Nostradamus really predict marriage proposals? Keri disagrees, saying that Kyle would be more like "the Jamaican lady on TV." Kyle says that he would be fine being Miss Cleo. I wonder how he feels now that it has come out that Miss Cleo is actually from L.A. Because that was such a shocker.
Kyle and Keri hop on a bus, Gus. No need to discuss much. Actually, they have much to discuss. Kyle wants to go up to his lake house on Friday night, instead of Saturday morning. Keri agrees. In a confessional, Kyle explains that he wanted to go on Friday, and Keri did, too. Well, thank you for telling us what we just saw. Kyle is going to see who else wants to go on Friday. Kyle says he's going to tell Aneesa, "Look. Come on." Wow, I bet she will be convinced with that speech. It's a regular Gettysburg Address of motivation. In a confessional, Kyle explains that he doesn't want to go up to the lake house with Keri alone, because it's "not appropriate regardless of the situation with another woman." Well, actually, it's totally about his situation with Nicole; if he weren't still with Nicole (sort of), it wouldn't matter if he went alone with Keri or not.
Theo plays pool while Kyle talks about the lake house. It's in Wisconsin, and it's apparently a quarter of a mile from the lake. So it's not exactly a lake house, then, is it? Kyle explains that they want to go on Friday, and Aneesa and Theo agree to go with them. In a confessional, Kyle explains again that he wasn't comfortable having it be just Keri and him and his family, as if she were his girlfriend, so he enlisted Theo and Aneesa to come along on Friday, and then the rest of the gang could arrive on Saturday. CJP walks in to clarify that she will be able to drive up on Saturday morning and be back by Sunday afternoon.
Mural Painting. The kids joke around with the roommates. Tonya lies on the marble floor. In an interview, Tonya explains that she was at work when she started to notice that no one was paying attention to her...I mean, "she started to feel kind of nauseated and started getting sharp pains in her back." Tonya sits on the floor, hunched over, while Aneesa, CJP, and some of the kids give her lots of attention...I mean, "try to comfort her." In an interview, CJP says that she thought Tonya was in pain, but that they could deal with it after work. CJP asks Tonya whether she wants to go to the hospital. Tonya, who suddenly seems fine, sits in a chair and says she's kind of scared that she's still in pain.
Lara, the Park Departments Boss, suggests that they go to the emergency room so that Tonya can get some pain medication. CJP apologizes to the kids for leaving early, but explains that she needs to take Tonya to the hospital. Tonya doesn't say a word, except to ask CJP to carry her bag, and then she stiffly walks out of the room while holding her back. Tonya waits on the steps and cries while CJP goes to get the car. CJP speeds off while Tonya lies across the back seat and moans and groans every time they hit a bump. CJP asks if Tonya can lie in another position to make it feel better. Tonya moans that she can't, and that she went home the last time it happened so that no one would see her like this. Except that we all did see her like that, when she was crying because she couldn't get her bags out of the house. Tonya keeps complaining about the bumps in the road, and CJP apologizes, because she was apparently on the crew that laid the pavement. CJP looks at some directions that Lara gave them, and comments that they are wrong. Tonya suggests that they ask a bystander where Northwestern is. No! They should go to County General! Luka could help them. Or kill Tonya. Either one would be fine with me. CJP gets directions. Tonya is now kneeling on the floor of the van. CJP pulls into the hospital and assures Tonya that she will be okay, then hops out and asks for a wheelchair. Two people help Tonya into the wheelchair, but she claims that she can't sit the normal way, so she kneels on the seat and leans over the back. CJP asks where she should park the car, and promises to return in two seconds. Tonya is wheeled off, sobbing.
I guess the camera crews weren't allowed in the hospital, since suddenly Tonya is being wheeled out. In an interview, Tonya says that it was "another nightmare experience, being in the hospital again." Tonya is now wearing a completely different outfit. Did CJP go home and get her some more comfortable clothes? Who knows? In an interview, Tonya says that it's very discouraging for her, since she's an athlete. Jigga-wha? She's an athlete? Tonya also says that it's "hard for [her] to get sick in front of other people." But not the cameras. Tonya climbs stiffly into the van and shuts the door.
Back at the loft, Chris, Kyle, Aneesa, and Keri step out of the elevator, carrying food. Kyle hugs a teary Tonya and asks how she's feeling. Tonya softly says that she's supposed to stay off her feet. As many people pointed out in the forums, she's also not supposed to drink soda, even though she just poured herself a huge glass of it. Kyle tells her to get off her feet, then, and pats her on the back. Tonya quickly tells him not to hit her back. Kyle apologizes. In an interview, Kyle says that his theory about Tonya's ailments is that missing Justin is a "catalyst for her condition." Seriously? Kyle did not blink once in that interview segment. It was scary. Tonya tells her roommates that she passed a few more stones while she was in the hospital, and that she has a bladder infection and a kidney infection. She also has the brain fever, and possibly the Ebola virus. And maybe AIDS. Chris asks why this keeps recurring. Tonya ignores him because it would mean admitting that she doesn't always follow doctors' orders, and thus she would have to take responsibility for this problem. Tonya says that they did a CAT scan and found five more kidney stones. Oh, bullshit. If she really had five more kidney stones, plus multiple infections, they would not have released her from the hospital. Tonya tells Chris that it feels like razors. I don't doubt that she has medical problems as well as mental problems. I just think she's exaggerating what is really wrong, and overdramatizing her condition for attention.
Kyle and Keri snuggle in the bed behind the oval window. In a confessional, Kyle admits that he is attracted to Keri, but he's in love with Nicole, so it can be a struggle. Keri tucks Kyle into bed. In an interview, Keri says that she and Kyle are attracted to each other, but that it's not worth screwing up his relationship over. She adds that in seventh grade, they would have just made out without any concern for his girlfriend, but they are "a little more mature now." Plus, they're on television, so they wouldn't have plausible deniability. Keri could do so much better.
Tonya wears only a towel as she calls Kim, one of her bosses at the Parks Department. She uses the "call in fake-sick" voice to say that she can't come to work because she's in too much pain. But apparently not enough pain to get up and take a shower. In an interview, Tonya says that Justin is coming to town, but that she's worried because she hasn't been feeling well. Tonya tells Theo that she's not going to work. She's abandoned the stiff walk while holding her back. In an interview, Theo says that he thinks that Tonya's illness is real, and that she's not faking it, but he thinks that not going to work has more to do with staying home to have sex with her boyfriend. Is Justin even there yet? Tonya walks out of her bedroom, still wearing a towel, and guzzling soda straight from the bottle. I still don't know whether Justin is there already. It seems like they would have showed him arriving. Unless this whole segment is chronologically out of place. Wouldn't that be a surprise on this show?
Kyle talks to Nicole on a pay phone, so we don't get to hear her end of the conversation. He says that he's known Keri a few weeks, and that he likes her, but that she's not his soulmate. He is so Dawson. In an interview, Kyle says that Nicole is upset because they are so far apart. On the phone, Kyle tells Nicole that he explained their situation to Keri when they first met. In an interview, Kyle says that he wants to be honest with Nicole, because he's twenty-two, and he wants to learn about himself through his relationships with women like Keri. Blink, dude! He never blinks in interviews. On the phone, Kyle tells Nicole that he doesn't know what's going to happen when the show is over.
Beyoncé and them sing "Bootylicious" on the soundtrack. In the kitchen, Kyle sings along. Keri tells him not to stop singing. Kyle says that he can't help singing when he's around her. Who's cheesy now? In an interview, Kyle says that he's never met someone who looks and acts like Keri, and has class like Keri. Also, her lips drive him nuts. The whole scene goes slow-motion as the editors try to make it out like Kyle is checking out Keri's ass when she bends over to get something out of the oven, when in reality, I think he was just looking at the food in the oven. In an interview, Keri says that she has no clue what's going on with Kyle and Nicole. Keri claims that women "have extremely, extremely jealous personalities." We do? News to me.
Kyle says that he's going to go confront Theo, who now apparently doesn't want to go to the lake house on Friday. Kyle is pissed. Theo says that he has a right to change his mind. Kyle thinks that Theo is being a jerk. In an interview, Theo says that nobody wants to hang out with Kyle and Keri because they are hugging and kissing all the time. Kyle thinks that Theo is screwing him over. Theo disagrees, and Kyle walks out. I don't blame Theo.
Kyle talks to Nicole on the phone. Nicole thinks that they shouldn't talk until filming is over. Nicole always sounds drunk. Nicole thinks that they should each be allowed to do their own things. She can't be supportive of him, because it's not fair to her, and she feels horrible for abandoning him, but she feels that he has done the same to her in some ways. Kyle rubs his forehead for about twenty minutes. The upshot of the whole thing is that she thinks they should break up, for real this time.
Tonya meets Justin at the airport. So how was she calling in sick to stay home and have sex with him earlier? Bad continuity editors. Tonya gives Justin a big hug and doesn't tell him not to pat her back, so she must be feeling better. In an interview, Tonya talks about how much she loves Justin. Tonya says that she wants to get Justin to bed. He chuckles and she clarifies that she meant that he must be tired.
They arrive at the loft, and Aneesa and Keri give Justin big hugs and seem really excited to see him. Aneesa keeps saying, "Thank you, God." Do you think they're glad that they won't have to deal with Tonya talking about him all the time now, since he's there? CJP also gives Justin a hug. In an interview, Tonya says that Justin had a better welcome than she ever did. She pretends she's joking, but you know that it really bugged her. Aneesa pulls Justin aside and tries to find out if he's going to propose while he's there. Justin laughs and dodges the question. In an interview, Aneesa says that Justin won't tell any of them when he's going to propose. Justin and Tonya dive into the bed behind the oval door, which sure has seen a lot of action this week. I notice that Tonya's five kidney stones didn't seem to give her any trouble when Justin practically tackled her. Also, I know that people with bladder infections aren't supposed to have sex, so I guess they aren't going to, right?
Theo hails a cab for Aneesa, CJP, and himself. Aneesa tells CJP that she doesn't really feel comfortable hanging out with Kyle and Keri alone at the lake house. Aneesa feels like Kyle is using Theo and her so that he doesn't look bad, which is exactly what Kyle is doing.
Kyle stares at a picture of Nicole and him, and sighs heavily. In an interview, Keri says that she knows Nicole broke up with Kyle, but that it's very confusing. Kyle puts the picture down and walks out of the room. He confronts Aneesa, who has apparently announced that she's not going to the lake house with them on Friday. Aneesa says that she feels used. In a confessional, Kyle says that he understands where Aneesa is coming from, but that it didn't come out until two minutes before they were supposed to leave, so he feels "sandbagged." In an interview, Aneesa says that Kyle is the one who should feel bad, because he was using her. Kyle angrily tells Aneesa that he's not going to twist her arm, and that he was nothing but upfront with her from the beginning. Aneesa says that she's had time to think about it, and decided that the whole situation sucks. Kyle runs off and tells Keri what's going on. Keri suggests that maybe he should just go by himself. She is the most understanding person ever. She tells Kyle to calm down, but he's so angry that he needs to walk off for a minute. If he wants to go with Keri so badly, he should just go with her, and who cares what it looks like? In an interview, Kyle says that he's trying to plan a fun weekend for his roommates, but that he has "some heavy emotional baggage with Nicole." In an interview, Keri says that Kyle needs the night to talk with his dad about Nicole. Kyle says goodbye to Keri and walks out the door.
David Gray sings "Babylon" as Kyle drives up to the lake house. Man, I really like that song and now it's ruined. Kyle arrives and hugs his dad, explaining that his friends will arrive the day. Kyle sits with his dad and stepmom, babbling on and on about Nicole. His stepmom is blonde and appears much younger than Kyle's dad, kind of like Ted's stepmom in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. She also appears really bored by Kyle's babbling, not that I can blame her. Kyle keeps talking and talking about how he doesn't want to hurt Nicole or Keri. His stepmom falls asleep. Okay, not really. In an interview, Kyle says that he would love to date Keri. Kyle concludes that it's "a daily conflict."
Kyle calls Keri at the loft as he walks around by the pool. Keri says that she's bored at home. Kyle apologizes. In an interview, Kyle says that he feels like an ass because he should have brought her along. Yes! Then he ruins it by saying that he should have brought her because she's bored at home. No, he should have brought her because he likes her and she likes him, and she clearly makes him happier than Nicole does right now. Anyway. I still think she deserves better. Kyle says that he did a lot of thinking on the drive up there, and that he has some things to say to Keri. He has realized that he has thrown a "really difficult and probably annoying situation" at Keri, by telling her that he likes her but that he's in love with another person. Keri flatly says, "That's okay." In an interview, Kyle says that he's trying to make a lot of people happy and that he's doing the best he can. Kyle tells Keri that he'll see her the morning, and they hang up. Keri snuggles up with a blanket to the phone, for some reason.
week: Keri doesn't feel like it's just her and Kyle at the lake house. Because all of the other roommates are there. Kyle still has feelings for Nicole, but the night-vision camera shows him kissing someone else. Do they have night-vision cameras at the lake house, or was that footage from a completely different time? Chris likes Kurt, but Kurt wants more than Chris can give. Keri tells Kyle that "it's very lame that she's put [herself] in this position, and [she's] not going to do it anymore." Yay! I knew she could do better.