The hell? Fucking MTV. I set my tape to start five minutes before the hour, and I still missed the first few minutes of the episode. From memory, the show opened with the roommates confronting David, as it ended last week. Basically, they wanted to learn why he was shutting them out and being such a jerk to them. Melissa says that if David wasn't going to listen (and David was not looking at any of them and doodling on his notepad), she didn't want anything to do with the discussion. When Melissa stopped caring about David, she started having a good time, and if she never sees him again, she'll be "perfectly motherfucking happy, because [he's] a jackass." Whoo! That was harsh! That's why I tuned in -- shit like that. Well, and the fact that I have to do the recap. Melissa walks out. Everyone just watches her go, and then Danny defuses the situation by saying that was just how Melissa feels, not how the rest of them feel. In other words, Melissa likes the drama. Danny knows it's only two weeks until they leave (and yet, by saving it until the episode, the editors are making it out like this happened the day before they left). They want David to know that they don't hate him and they're not mad at him, but there's "something wrong." Throughout this speech, David has tears in his eyes. David mumbles something unintelligible, and then says that they should ask him questions. Julie asks what it would take for David to make eye contact and speak to her. David repeats his statement from two weeks ago about how he is "always on the go." That doesn't even make sense. Of course, it's David. Why do I expect him to make sense? Danny says it sounds like "survival mode," and Danny has been in survival mode a lot of his life, and it's not a happy way to be. It's interesting how, although Jamie started this meeting off, Danny has emerged as the leader. Danny comes off really well in this scene. David says it's a necessity for him because his mother is "not in the best of health." This causes him to start crying, and the Jangly Guitar of David's Single Tear starts up. David says that he's all his mother has, so he can't fail. Jamie tells David that he's not alone, and that they want to be there for David. Danny adds that they see a wall, and they know there's something on the other side, and they know that the wall is not all David is, but that's all they get. And that's it for the big confrontation. That's it? That's all we get to see? All that build-up for that? Whatever.
NOA-TV. Elton is talking about their final show. They agree that all of their shows thus far have sucked. Melissa tells Kelley an idea for their final show -- something about an art gallery. Kelley is grateful. They go to the art gallery and Kelley explains about the show, giving Melissa all the credit for the idea. In an interview from like the second week of the show, Melissa says you can "combat the embarrassment of having a crappy show by doing more work." Kelley hugs Melissa in the middle of the road to give her a hug. Kelley is happy that it's not going to suck.
Julie and David go to his recording studio. Julie voice-overs that she's going to watch David "flow." David voice-overs that this is how he and Julie can connect. In an interview, Julie says that she's finally getting to know David and she's grateful that it's happening at all. We get it. Everything is peachy. David is shown rapping very fast in the studio. I don't know whether to be impressed or...impressed. Who knew he could talk that quickly? Of course, I have no idea if he was saying actual words or not. David voice-overs that it's "absolutely amazing" to have Julie there. And yet, last week he didn't want Matt there because it might mess up his vibe. Did the confrontation cause this change? Or does he just like Julie better than Matt? We'll never know. Julie comes into the studio and puts on some headphones, and then she starts rapping. It's so terrible. When I was initially watching the show, I had to flip to the election coverage because I couldn't watch it. It was too embarrassing. Why did they show the whole thing? The producers hate me. Julie and David hug. In a confessional, David is happy that Julie shared his world.
Countdown to the NOA-TV show. We actually get to see the full credits. Matt starts out explaining the focus of the show -- the art gallery. In an interview, Matt compares the final show to a final exam. As we see shot of the show, Matt reminisces about how bad their first shows were, and says they got to be "pretty damn good." In an interview, Kelley is impressed with their progress. Once again, we get it. They had to cut out parts of the David confrontation for this? Elton tells them all that he's proud of them. In an interview, Julie says that "Elton is a good boss." Elton makes them give themselves a round of applause. Ew. How cheesy. And that wraps up the NOA-TV storyline.
Julie plays the guitar on her bed. Danny asks if she is playing the song she wrote about him and Paul. Julie says she is, but that it's not finished yet. Danny applies deodorant while he says he doesn't want to hear it until it's finished. In an interview, Danny says that he asked Julie to write a song, and he gave her his scrapbook of all Paul's letters. Um, aren't those personal? I don't think I would be happy if my boyfriend showed my love letters to someone else. Julie is psyched to write a song that's not about her. Danny suggests that she sing it in front of her school. In an interview, Julie says that she wants to go back to BYU and make a change. Danny plays with the deodorant while Julie explains that she wants to go back to school and have it be different. This is all so fascinating! I wonder if Julie will be allowed to go back to BYU! Except that we all know that she can't. Danny says that if people don't like her at BYU, she shouldn't care, because she will inspire others to change. In an interview, Julie says that Danny has helped her to see that love doesn't have boundaries. Well, welcome to the world, baby girl! Julie wonders how people can question Danny's love. Danny says he can't "give a damn" or he would "fall apart."
It's raining. Julie tells Jamie she's calling BYU to find out if she can come back. The non-suspense is killing me. Julie didn't tell anyone at BYU that she was on the show because she didn't think she was going to go back. Julie leaves a message for the honor-code office. ["There's a whole office just devoted to the honor code? Damn." -- Wing Chun] Julie hops into the kitchen and tells Jamie her situation. Jamie wants to know why she might be kicked out of school. Julie reiterates all of the honor-code violations she has committed, and we get to see a black-and-white flashback for each one. She lives with boys -- she and David are talking on the bed. She doesn't keep curfew -- Julie at the rave, making her dance face. There's alcohol -- a shot of alcohol. There's immoral things going on -- Danny kisses Paul the Blur. Jamie tells her that she's "broken every rule in the book."
Matt expositions that Melissa has been "painting up a storm getting ready for her début." In an interview, Melissa explains that her art is going to be displayed in Lionel's new gallery. Melissa tells Matt about her newest painting, called "I Will Survive." It's fish. One big one, seven little ones. One of the fish, wearing a pink scarf, represents Melissa. Matt dorks that one of them should be wearing a Hawaiian shirt. In an interview, Jamie says that painting has calmed Melissa down. We get to see the painting while the song in the background says, "Look at all of the fishies." Subtle.
Julie is on the phone with her dad, telling him she's going to L.A. this summer. In an interview, Julie says that realizing she's in control of her own life makes her not "rage and rebel." Julie apologizes to her dad, and he admits some wrongdoing as well. Mr. Mormon wants to know if her roommates have talked her into "a different kind of life" as the camera swings inexplicably to a shot of the messy hallway. Is her dad worried that her roommates have made her messy? Is the mess supposed to symbolize her messy soul? Julie says she is choosing her own life. Aw, they made up. Closure. Julie skateboards and then climbs a tree. As Melissa's dad would say, that's what white folks do when they're happy. I can see where he would get that impression from watching this show.
Time for Danny and Paul closure. Danny talks to Paul on the phone. In a confessional, Danny talks about how much he loves Paul. Julie plays the Danny and Paul song. It's basically like every other song she's ever sung. She really needs to buy a guitar tuner. Danny listens and smiles, and when the song is over, claps. He tells her it was "the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for [him]." He's even crying a little bit.
The roommates want to have a last-night slumber party. Julie cuddles Matt. Danny and Kelley jump on the beds. Julie continues to maul poor Matt, who is saying the Lord's Prayer. He could just tell her to stop. Not that it has stopped her before. Kelley tells Julie to cut it out. In an interview, Julie says that Matt is "gorgeous" and she "can't not be attracted to him." Okay, as many times as I've said "we get it" in this recap, I still don't get what Julie sees in Matt. The end of the scene shows Jamie and Melissa cuddling, Danny and Kelley cuddling, and Julie and Matt not really cuddling. What's ironic is, if you read the New Orleans book, Julie reveals that she made out with Jamie while everyone else was asleep that night. But that doesn't fit the storyline, so it's not shown. Interesting.
Everyone packs. Jamie is on the phone with his mom, telling us what all the roommates are up to. Melissa is working on her art and moving to L.A. Julie has another year at BYU. David is going to summer school. Matt has another year at Georgia Tech. Danny is going to move in with Paul. Kelley is moving back to New Orleans to be with Peter. In an interview, Jamie says nothing will be like the Belfort house.
Time for more closure. David and Melissa sit outside alone. David says despite their differences, he has a lot of respect for Melissa. Melissa says it means a lot coming from him, because she didn't think he knew anything about her. David says he has a lot of faith in her, and he knows she's going to make it, and he's proud of her. He's still not making eye contact with her, but I'll take it. They hug. Closure.
Finally! It's over! Oh wait. Over the credits, we see a clip of Julie on Larry King Live, explaining the whole honor code thing. Julie says she hasn't been kicked out of school yet, even though we all knew she got suspended. The last shot is Julie saying, "While I was in New Orleans, I was true to myself, and that's what's important." Did you get that Julie was the touchstone character? I never thought I would see Larry King on The Real World. Just goes to show that this season brought a little bit of everything.
Thanks to everyone who stuck with me through this long, boring episode, and who joined us on the forums!