Previously on Real World: Kelley and Peter were having a "day-to-day thing." Julie's family comes to visit and her dad was all up in her grill. Julie stayed out late and missed church with her family. D'oh! You know, if they're going to pretend that these "Previously On" scenes were actually shown on some episode, previously, they might not want to show the last episode right before the new one. Because I watched it, and many of these scenes were not in there. Which makes the whole "Previously On" premise a big farce. I'm sure you're all shocked and surprised that the editors are fucking with us.
I should add that I had the pleasure of watching this episode in the company of the esteemed Sars, djb, and Gustave, so some of their commentary may work its way into the episode. Because when we MBTV writers get together, we -- wait for it -- watch television. Yes, we know how sad that is.
The church bells are ringing, and Julie's all, "Get me to the church on time!" Oops, not so fast, young Mormon-san. Turns out her parents are already leaving the church. Dude, did they just show Julie in her bra? They totally did! Woo! I mean, if I were into girls. Which I'm not. Not that there would be anything wrong with it if I were. Anyway, in an interview, Julie says that her dad "had a hard time with [her] not fitting the vision that he had picked out for [her]." For any of you who didn't see last week's episode. Because I'm not sure if you got by now that Julie and her dad don't get along, because he's a tiny bit controlling. Just trying to catch you up and all. Anyway, Julie's family sits on a wall outside the church. Julie's all yawn-y, and says that her dad has made the biggest deal out of her going to church. In an interview, Julie says that her dad feels like he has some responsibility over her spirituality, and he doesn't. Mrs. Mormon says that no matter what, Julie is still his daughter and he's concerned about her. Julie rolls her eyes halfway to Outer Mongolia and says that that's beyond concern: "It's called living my life for me."
Montage of religious symbols. I wonder how they ever found so many religious symbols in...New Orleans. Forget it. Kelley and Peter are sitting at an outdoor café called "Just Perkin'." See, they need the apostrophe because the missing "g" makes it quaint. Or something. Anyway, Kelley is saying that she's not sure yet -- about what, we don't know. For some reason, the cameraman is like a hundred yards away, and normally I would think that they just weren't allowed to film inside the café property, but (a) they're outside, on the sidewalk, and I don't know why they couldn't just stand nearby and (b) the camera showing Peter's reaction shot is, like, on top of Kelley, so clearly the property thing is not an issue. Yet another B/M mystery. Kelley is having a "down day" about "whether [she] should stay [in New Orleans] or not." Close-up of Dr. Peter. Sars chimes in, "Ew! Peter is so International Male catalog. You know he wears, like, tiger-striped underwear." We all agree with her assessment while Kelley voice-overs that she doesn't feel sure that everything will work out with Peter if she stays in New Orleans.
Kelley starts to say, "I was starting to think about...what if...I don't know. I'm so indecisive." In mid-sentence she totally looked at the cameras and I'm sure she decided that whatever she wanted to say would be better said when the cameras weren't around. In an interview, Kelley says that she has "spent so much of her life trying to be independent, and strong, and not letting anybody in completely and..." Then they just stop the interview, as if she wasn't in mid-sentence. Ugh, the editors. Back at the quaint café, Dr. Peter tells Kelley she can ponder all she wants, as long as she goes for the right choice. Which sounds creepy, but they were both laughing, so maybe it wasn't. Besides, we have a lot of controlling behavior in this episode, and it's not Kelley and Peter. And also, does anyone really care about this subplot? We all know that Kelley is living in New Orleans with Peter right now -- ooh, the suspense. Will they stay together? I don't know! Except that I do.
Kelley and David are driving in the Yukon. Who knew these two were friends at all, ever? This totally came out of nowhere. David asks if she's thinking about staying and Kelley asks what he thinks. David says that they have definitely found something in each other. Would you really go to David for relationship advice? That's like asking Gilbert Grape's mom for diet advice. In an interview, David is wearing a tire chain as a necklace. He says that Kelley is currently plotting her future. In the car, Kelley asks David whether he would stay if he met someone. David (and I) laugh and he says, "It'd have to be a fine-ass broad." Nice. In an interview, David says that he and Kelley talk about relationship stuff because that's something he's missing because he's "playing the field." Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days? Anyway, he threw a lot of extra words in there, so I'm not sure if that's exactly what he said or not. It's hard to tell with David. He tells Kelley that maybe if he met someone who was "fun" (or maybe he said "fine"), intelligent, and had a nice place, then okay. Had a nice place? How is that a criterion for staying in a relationship, ever? Clearly, my priorities are out of whack. I have never considered having a nice place a reason to stay in or out of a relationship. David doesn't think he'll meet anyone like that in the month and a half. Jesus, is this the longest Real World season ever? I feel like I've been recapping it for years!
Then it's sun setting, full moon (and do they ever show a non-full moon?), sun rising, daylight. What? Was that supposed to mean that a day and a half has passed? Whatever. Julie is telling her parents that they "never talk about these things" and maybe now is not a good time, but she's "sick of skirting the issue." And since we have no context, we can't really be sure what " issue" is being skirted here. Her dad says he's "open to the idea of [Julie] going to a different college" and he wants her to be happy. Aah! I just paused the screen and the freeze-frame is of Mr. Mormon looking right at me! Yikes! Y'all, he is Cree. Pee. Creepy. Julie voice-overs that she and her dad have never "created that foundation." Mrs. Mormon says that Julie and her dad "talk about these things all the time and it just turns into a big argument." Julie says they don't, and her dad agrees. Meanwhile, all the womenfolk are cutting up strawberries and doing other kitchen work, and Mr. Mormon is just sitting there watching them, like, dude -- grab a knife! On second thought, maybe that's not such a good idea. But he could wash some berries or help out in some other way. Mr. Mormon says that they've "grown past that." Julie's all, "Oh, have we?" In an interview, Julie says she loves her dad for the person that he is, but "as soon as he opens his mouth, [she] just get[s] all this anger built up in [her]."
Matt comes up and puts his arm around Julie in the kitchen. Mr. Mormon looks on with a smile, because it's nice to see two young blond Christians together. Julie tells him to stop touching her, and Julie says he's only being nice to her because it's Monday. Call me Nancy Drew, because I cracked this mystery. Okay, so Melissa told me. Anyway, it turns out that Monday and Tuesday were the days when the cast had to do their three-hour interviews, and they were frequently emotionally draining and grueling. So, when Matt and Julie refer to it "being Monday" and that Mondays are hard in some way, that's what they are talking about. Julie says that Matt is nice to her on Mondays, "and then he's an asshole." Her little brothers and sisters giggle because Julie said a bad word. Mr. Mormon interrupts her and asks if she said "a profanity." Yeah, and then she shotgunned a can of Mountain Dew! She's crazy! And you can't stop her! Julie realizes she's busted and says, "Did I just swear?" as the camera zooms in for a super-duper close-up. In an interview, Julie says that "the idea of using a profanity is so wrong to [her] father." Julie back-pedals and says that she was mad. Matt tries to help shift the blame (which was actually kind of a cool thing to do, for him) and jokes that it's "all because [he's] an asshole, man." Mr. Mormon says that Julie does it and she doesn't even know it. Alan (Julie's brother) says that he thinks Matt did it. Oh, good one, dude. What are you going to do , blame the dog? Mr. Mormon tells Julie that swearing sets an example for her little sisters (who are nowhere to be seen.) Julie says that she's the black sheep of the family, so she's a bad example. Her dad says it doesn't have to be that way. Some random dude (one of Alan's bandmates? Another brother?) yells out, "Well, it can be." Like, who are you, random dude? Julie says her father has told her that she's a bad example many times. In an interview, Julie says they are "always pushing each other's buttons" and they fight over "the stupidest, insignificant things."
Now, Julie and her dad are in the hallway, like could he drop it already? He even says, "It's no big deal. It's just a word." Julie screeches that she's saying the same thing. Her father asks her why she can't just decide to "phase that out of [her] life." What is he, the profanity police? Let. It. Go. I'm not a parent, but I would imagine that sometimes you have to pick your battles, and I don't think that swearing is the most important one you will face. ["Particularly when your child is twenty. It's not like Julie's eight and she just called her dad an asshole. Jesus. Whoops!" -- Wing Chun] Julie says that "it's bigger than this word" and maybe there are things that she does that she doesn't want to phase out of her life, because she likes it that way. And maybe her father doesn't like it that way. Mr. Mormon tells her to "search [her] heart." Oh, Moses smell the roses. Yeah, that's good advice. Julie's voice goes up about eight octaves as she says, "What the hell are you talking about? It's me! This is my life!" Then there's a bad edit, and suddenly Mr. Mormon is sitting down, like don't worry, editors. We didn't want to see his reaction to Julie's screeching or anything. God. Julie tells him he can't think she's a bad person just because she said the word "asshole." Mr. Mormon looks at her in a very condescending manner, like, "Oh, look at the little girl with her big ideas." Or maybe I'm projecting. He says he never said she was a bad person. Julie says she "can't live up to that kind of responsibility all the time." Mrs. Mormon comes in and thinks the family should leave for the night. Yeah, just turn the other way, Mrs. Mormon. I appreciate her wanting to keep the peace, but this seems like a conversation that these two need to have, and maybe she would be better off trying to help them work through their problems instead of just leaving the scene. Mr. Mormon says it's important because they're "finally having it out." I can't believe we actually agree on something. Maybe I should convert! Nah, I like Pepsi One too much. Julie asks what would happen if she hadn't gotten into BYU. Her father tries to say he'd be proud of her, whatever she did. Julie starts with the jabby finger and says, "What if I hadn't worked my ass [she swore again!] off in high school to get into BYU for you, and what if I hadn't gone to seminary every morning just so I could get into BYU for you? What if that hadn't happened?" And she's all poking him in the chest with her finger. Mr. Mormon looks a little surprised. Before we can hear his response, Julie says they should go outside. We see Mrs. Mormon standing by the door with her purse, like, "Can we go now?"
Julie and Mr. Mormon are talking outside. Julie says she never had expectations for him as a father. I think she's trying to say that she doesn't place conditions on loving him, like, "I'll only love you if you do what I want." But I don't mean to put words in her mouth. She says that she "can't be good enough for [him]" or live up to his expectations. Her father says that is "self-imposed." Julie says it's not self-imposed, because he imposed it on her. She continues, "Every morning when you came in my room and yanked the covers off my bed, and made me go to seminary when I didn't want to go." Her father says he does it for Alan too. Oh, so that makes it okay. As long as he controls all of his children equally. Julie's all, "Why?" Her father says it's so Alan can get into BYU. Julie's all, "Why? Why?" Her father says, "For a degree." Julie doesn't understand why the decisions are made for them, without letting the children have any input as to what they want. Her father comes back with a classic: "If you were raised in India, your parents would be picking your spouse." Huh? What does that have to do with anything? Like, "Look, at least I'm not as controlling as those Indian people." Julie says that doesn't make it right. I think her father is trying to say that it's a cultural thing, but again, I might be putting words in his mouth. Mr. Mormon adds that he has goals and aspirations for his children. Julie says they are his goals, not theirs. Just when the conversation was getting good, they interrupt with an interview where Julie tearily says that she "can't do everything for everybody all the time." Her father says that he doesn't want to see her make mistakes. Julie says she has made tons of mistakes. Her father wants to know if she has paid for them. Julie says that she wants to "own the consequences" because it helps her grow and learn, and not "live vicariously through other people." Throughout this exchange, Mr. Mormon seriously does not blink and his eyes are glued to Julie's face. Sars, djb, and I make evil jokes about how creepy Mr. Mormon is, and how he's trying to hypnotize Julie with his creepy eyes. ["Gustave, as usual, is too classy to give voice to such thoughts. Ha, just kidding." -- Wing Chun] Julie voice-overs that she loves her dad and doesn't want to have a bad relationship with him, and she doesn't think he wants it either.
Julie and her dad walk away from the house and Julie whispers that she ran away from home, and her father broke down the bathroom door. What? She's totally trying to cover her microphone, so it's hard to hear. They continue to walk away and the camera crew hightails it after them. We see a shot of them from behind, and djb yells out, "Mr. Wranglers, buy a belt!" Mr. Mormon's pants are seriously saggy. Julie says, "You know that that happened a lot." He starts to speak and she says, "Shh. Shh. Don't get angry. I'm covering my mike up." Yeah, that's working. Didn't these people learn anything from David and Kira in Seattle? Covering mikes up does not work. Mr. Mormon says that Julie is "making some of that up." Julie yells, "Dad, what the hell [she swore again!] is your problem?" So much for covering the mike up. Meanwhile, they are walking by some sort of rabbit hutch with like a miniature church inside that is all lit up. I know this is New Orleans, but what the hell is that? I expected one of them, in the middle of their fight, to turn and go, "The hell? Are we in Germany?" In an interview, Julie cries and says that this is "twenty pent-up years of frustration." Julie turns away from her dad and says she can't talk to him.
During the commercial, we discuss how weird it was with the "yanking the covers off" and "breaking the bathroom door down." Hello, There's Something About Amelia, much? Plus, the rabbit hutch. What was the deal there? I hope some New Orleans local will let us know in the forums. Then we see a commercial for Lost Souls and djb asks if this is Gus Van Sant's shot-by-shot remake of Bless The Child, because it's the exact same movie. I point out that it has a little of The Exorcist in there too. We spend the rest of the commercial break trying to come up with a blend of the two movies, but the best we could do was The Bless-orcist. Yeah, I know. It needs some work.
Oh, is this show still on? Julie is facing a wall, crying, and her dad comes up creepily and creepily whispers that he's sorry, and something about being upset, and that they needed to talk like that. Creepily. Did I mention that her dad is creepy? I looked in the Word thesaurus for "creepy" and the best they could do was "eerie" or "sinister," which I guess work also, but I'm sticking with "creepy." Then, suddenly, they are walking back down the street and he says that he's "sorry about his attempts at correction" but that it's "just part of being a dad." Correction? What is she, a dog? That's the only context I've ever heard that word used in until now. Plus, throughout these scenes, we only see the backs of their heads, so we have no way of knowing if that's what they really said. They reach Mrs. Mormon and Alan. Mrs. Mormon asks if Julie wants them to leave. Julie (somewhat inexplicably) screams and says she just wants everyone to leave her alone, and then crumples into a squatting position. Alan is trying to get his dad out of there, while Mrs. Mormon tries to comfort Julie. Mr. Mormon asks for "another hug," like ew! He gets creepier by the moment. Alan is literally pushing his parents down the sidewalk as Julie cries by the fence. Alan goes back to take care of her, and says his dad has "done enough damage." Mrs. Mormon is all, "Yeah. Can I have the keys?" Like, clearly, Julie's family agrees that this is all Mr. Mormon's fault. In case any of you were thinking that Julie is just being melodramatic or whatever. The whole family pretty much sides with Julie and not her dad. Mr. Mormon gets in the car and says Julie is "just being emotional." Oh, whatever, Spock. Damn those womenfolk and their emotions. But they do make a mean berry pie while I just sit there and watch. Yeah, I'm still not over that.
Julie and Alan walk down the sidewalk as Julie cries and says that she knew this would happen, and she didn't want to do it there. Julie sits down behind a plant of some sort and poor Alan looks like he doesn't quite know what to do. Julie sobs some more. Alan says that his dad is doing it on purpose, because he thinks that if he can make Julie feel this bad, then she'll want to change. Alan continues that he thinks his dad is trying to "screw with [Julie] emotionally" so that she'll think there's something wrong with her, "but there's not. There's something wrong with him, and it's wrong of him to play these mind games with [her]." Dude. Those are strong words from young Alan. In an interview, Julie says that "Alan is awesome because he lets me know that it's not always my fault." Julie says Mr. Mormon is "just trying to be a dad" and Alan says that he "picked the wrong time to start parenting." Hmm. I think Julie is not the only one who has some issues with daddy. This conversation was like the most revealing one of the episode, I think. Julie and Alan leave. Back at Belfort, Julie runs in the door and into the confessional where she proceeds to do a confessional while lying down, saying that she loves her family, and she doesn't know why she persists in doing this. So she's blaming herself, I see. Then she says that she "can't go home" and she "can't go anywhere else." I think I would have liked to have seen more of that confessional. Oh yeah, there's a subplot this week. I forgot. Must make time for that exciting subplot.
Jamie tells Julie (on a totally different day, by the way, judging from her outfit) that it's better to address these issues today than twenty years from now. Jamie is shirtless, facing away from the camera, and I say, "Ew. Back acne." Djb says, "Back-ne" and we both dissolve into giggles because we are four. And physically perfect. In an interview, Jamie says that it's good to have "a catalyst" to have that conversation with your parents at a young age. Some people never do, and some wait until their parents are on their deathbeds. And it's a good point, but I missed it on first viewing because we were giggling. Jamie tells Julie that looking at it opens her up to many emotions, but recognizing it is the first step. Well, he said a lot more than that, but it's late and I'd like to finish this recap before dawn. Julie says that being on the show makes her self-analytical and see herself for who she really is, and it's ugly and she doesn't like it. Jamie says it's good and she needs it. Julie says that all she needs is "a Jack Daniels and a male prostitute." Hee! Julie protests that she's just kidding, but maybe that is what she needs. It was funny, anyway.
In the "Oh yeah, there are other people on this show" Department: Kelley gets Peter's voicemail and hangs up. She voice-overs that they had a stupid fight. Peter pulls up in his black pick-up truck and Kelley joins him in the truck, so we can only hear them but not really see them. Shades of David and Kira from Seattle, again! Peter tells Kelley that he's mad because he gave her a flower and she made a smart remark and handed it back, and "it was pretty cruel." In an interview, Kelley says that she pushes people away from her by "making snide remarks or just being difficult." Yeah, I wouldn't know anything about making snide remarks. Kelley voice-overs that she gets people to leave her first so that she doesn't have to deal with getting hurt. Peter says that he has to say something now so the issue doesn't get huge. But you can see him in silhouette in the truck, and his lip movements totally do not match the words, so whatever. The truck pulls away. Blah bling blah. Kelley can be mean. In an interview, Kelley says she can be "a completely neurotic bitch, sometimes." Meanwhile, I'm sick from all the bumps they were going over in this little car chase. Like does New Orleans have the highest number of potholes per capita or what?
Kelley and Danny talk about her fight with Peter. Kelley has on a completely different outfit, by the way. Danny thinks she was mean. Kelley wasn't being mean to be mean. Danny thinks girls are mean. In an interview, Danny says "there's a lot there, but there's a lot of things that might not work out in the future." He could have been talking about anything! What a lame quote. What a lame subplot. In the middle of one of Kelley's interviews, Gustave, who had fallen asleep, let out a big snore. And we all looked at him and said, "Word!" Snore, indeed.
Matt and Julie are hanging out on the porch as Matt paints a chair in some wacky colors. Matt apologize for "that asshole thing." That's a pretty funny quote if taken out of context. Julie says it's not his fault, and while she's glad the fight happened, she's sorry that her roommates had to be around. Matt says he doesn't really know what happened, because he heard "hollering" and left. Julie says that she and her father "push each others' buttons" but that it "ended on a constructive note." It did? In what alternate universe? Julie plays with a Slinky while Matt says that it's good that she talked to him.
Uh-oh. The Mormons are back! Mr. and Mrs. enter the house and ask for Julie. While Julie is sitting at the counter eating, her dad walks up and she looks pissed. As soon as he starts talking, she apologizes, and he does too. He says he doesn't give her enough credit for being a good daughter and that she "makes the rest of the world pale." Julie thanks him and says really flatly that it's nice of him to say that.
Kelley calls Peter and says that she doesn't want to fight, and apologizes. The world shrugs, because no one cares about this subplot. Peter enters the house while Kelley is sleeping and puts something on her bedside table. Sars and I get into a discussion about whether that would wake you up. I say yea and she says nay. I guess it depends on how heavily you sleep. Kelley wakes up and finds whatever Peter left. There's a letter and Julie and Melissa ask what it says, but Kelley doesn't answer, except to say that it's not bad. In an interview, Kelley says that Peter can "penetrate [her]." Do I even have to make a joke there? Danny walks into the bathroom and Kelley runs in and tells him he's the one person she can share with. Danny reads the letter and I freeze-frame but it's really hard to read. I think it said something like, "I wrote another letter that was much longer and before our conversation [something] little details don't matter. All I want to say is I am sorry [something else] I am sorry whenever..." and that's all I got. Come post in the forums if you saw more than that. Danny sighs and gives the letter back and Kelley asks, "Isn't that sweet?" In an interview, Danny says that he thinks Kelley will stay behind to be with Peter, which shows that their relationship is pretty serious.
At a café, Peter asks if Kelley told someone (her mom?) about her decision. Kelley says that she told everyone because she can't make up her own mind. In an interview, Kelley says that she's indecisive. Yeah, we heard you the first time. Kelley asks Peter why he has "to be so perfect," because if there were something wrong with him, it would make her decision easier. She says she wouldn't be able to stand being away from him. In an interview, Kelley says she "thinks about him in [her] life, forever...maybe." Back at the café, Kelley asks Peter (somewhat jokingly) if he's sure he wants to be with her and put up with this stuff. He looks at her. She says, "No, I'll stay." They kiss. Whew! I was sweating that one out. Except for the sweating part.
Julie's mom invites her out for dinner so they can have "mommy-daughter time." As they walk down the sidewalk, Mrs. Mormon says that her husband first realized that his relationship with Julie needed work when she went away to college. Julie voice-overs that she doesn't know what she can do, and she'll have to be tolerant. Once inside "Smoothie King," Mrs. Mormon says that her husband sees it as "guaranteed happiness and a guaranteed good life if you just follow this one way." Julie protests that happiness is relative and that, with that life, she would be miserable. In an interview, Julie says that she's "an independent woman." They return to Belfort where Mr. Mormon is sweeping the steps. At least he's finally doing something! In an interview, Julie says that at first you think your family is perfect, and then you hate everything about them, and she's trying to find a "medium ground" where she can love them for their strengths and their weaknesses. Her parents get in their van and drive away. As Julie walks back in the house, the song playing says, "Julie ain't coming home" like WE GET IT! Julie says that she would love to have an equal relationship with her father but it requires him letting go. Word.
week: Are Julie and Jamie getting closer? Did something happen between them? Is Melissa jealous? Did Julie and Jamie (gasp!) kiss? Well, a bunch of shoddily edited scenes would certainly make you think the answer to all of these questions is yes. I guess we'll have to wait until week to find out what's going on.