Seriously, I have forgotten pretty much everything that happens for the rest of the season. Doesn't it always seem like Irene leaves the show in about the last episode of the season? What's left? Ah, Suicide Bill. If you are offended by that name, read the FAQ.
The episode opens at an airport, where there is a sign reading, "Leap For Learning Jumper Training." Lindsay and Janet listen as some instructors explain how to use a parachute. In an interview, Janet explains that they are going skydiving, and that she gets her "thrills facing death." Yes, Janet, because you've taken so many risks already this season. Well, maybe she's counting smoking on top of Mount Everest. The instructors continue to...well, instruct. In an interview, Janet tells us that the instructors concentrated on all the things that could go wrong. That's because they, unlike B-M, know how to make sure they are covered legally. In an interview, Lindsay says, "I'm such an idiot!" She can just stop right there, can't she? No, she goes on and explains that she's not paying attention even though she's about to jump out of a plane.
Back at the house, Janet tells Lindsay that some guy was singing into their answering machine. Lindsay thinks that it might have been Suicide Bill, and plays the message. The editors resurrect footage from earlier in the season, when Bill actually visited but wasn't deemed important enough to show. In an interview, Lindsay explains that they call him "Wild Bill" because he's "a little bit crazy," and that he's her "second brother." We see footage of Bill and Poull (Lindsay's brother) going hiking. You know the footage is old, because Irene is there. Lindsay voice-overs that the most fun she's had in her life have all involved Poull and Bill. They all go canoeing, and Bill uses a fishing pole to toss a bagel into Lindsay's canoe. In the interview, Lindsay explains that they've kind of adopted Suicide Bill into her family, and that his father died of cancer, too. This interview clearly took place before Lindsay got her breast implants. Lindsay concludes that Bill is "going through his own set of problems." We see Bill leaving, and Lindsay jumps up and puts her legs around his waist and kisses him. Inappropriate! Lindsay finishes listening to the phone message and laughs.
David is talking on the phone to Kira. What? I thought she was gone for good! David tells her that he misses her, and that he'll be where she is soon. Kira asks what day he's going to be there. David says that he'll be there from the 27th through the 7th. Kira can't believe that he's not coming on the 23rd, as originally promised. For some reason, they keep cutting to Nathan, who is playing pool nearby. Kira says that she didn't know their plans had changed that much, and David points out that he was supposed to leave for Morocco on the 5th. Of course, since this is the first time we've heard any of this, it doesn't seem like that much of a sacrifice. In an interview, David explains that he's going to Morocco to go to an intensive language school to learn French. David tells Kira that it's something he has to do, and Kira gets upset. ["He 'has' to learn French? What? Why?" -- Wing Chun] In an interview, Nathan, the relationship expert, says that if David loves Kira, he needs to come to some decisions about their future together. On the phone, David apologizes and does what he does best: gets all dramatic. Kira sobs that she hopes this works. In an interview, David says that when Kira hurts, he hurts too.
David talks to Stephen about all the decisions he has to make, and how scared he is. David says, "I am legitly [sic] petrified." Hee! In an interview, David has a huge scrape on his neck as he says that he wants to "do it for this girl but right now it ain't going to be enough." David says that he doesn't want to give up his education for anyone. David tells Stephen that he thinks he's getting an ulcer, and that his heart has been pounding for the past three weeks. Where's Janet to tell him to go to the doctor? Stephen is inexplicably trying to set fire to a Chapstick. David feels like he's going to blow up, and it makes him glad he's going to Morocco, where he can "really chill." Because intensive language courses are akin to relaxation therapy. Stephen, who is silent, finally succeeds in lighting the Chapstick, only to blow it out.
Oh, I hate this scene. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I'm going to keep it short. The phone rings, and Lindsay answers it. It's her brother, Poull. He says, "Bill killed himself." Well, way to soften the blow, dude. And then the cameras start circling Lindsay like vultures, zooming in on her face. Lindsay's mom comes on the phone as Lindsay starts sobbing. I feel so dirty watching this. Rebecca sees that Lindsay is crying and tries to come over to comfort her, but Lindsay pushes her away. Lindsay is crying so hard that she can't even talk, but she finally gets out, "Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?" Rebecca looks on in shock. Lindsay slams down the phone and starts yelling and cursing as Rebecca, Janet, and Stephen look on helplessly. Lindsay picks up the phone on the other side of the room, probably trying to get away from the cameras, but it doesn't work. Lindsay's mom explains that Bill used carbon monoxide to kill himself. Lindsay screams, "You're kidding me? Why did he do it?" Her mother says, "Bill is gone now." Rebecca looks like she is crying. Dude, I'm almost crying, and I've seen this episode before, more than a few times.
Outside, Janet approaches Lindsay, who is walking down the street. In an interview, Janet says that she doesn't know what to do, and has no idea what Lindsay is going through. I would insert a snarky remark here to the effect that Janet needed Lindsay to tell her how to be supportive, but that would probably be in poor taste. Lindsay sees Janet, says hello, and keeps walking. Janet says that she brought Lindsay her wallet, in case she wanted it. Without breaking stride, Lindsay says that she'll be home in a little while. Janet voice-overs, "I'm just waiting for her to tell me what to do." No, she really said that. Janet voice-overs that she'll be there when Lindsay needs her, and that Lindsay knows that. The camera finds Lindsay, leaning against a wall and sobbing, and totally films her. Jesus. I know it's supposed to be a documentary (and don't get me started) but you know what? We got it. Lindsay is devastated. Let her grieve.
In an interview, Lindsay says that the difference between Bill's death and her father's is that Bill gave up, and she's angry and frustrated. Lindsay returns to the house, and Nathan walks out to greet her. As he approaches her, she zigs and zags to avoid him, and asks him not to hug her. Nathan tries to be supportive, offering to get her coffee or talk, but Lindsay turns him down. In an interview, Nathan says that Lindsay doesn't want to be touched, and he theorizes, "The feeling of comfort might make her feel even more uncomfortable at that time."
At the radio station, Lindsay, Janet, Rebecca, and Phil listen to a tape of their show. Phil thinks that it sounds good, and that Lindsay sounds "comfortable" and "relaxed." On a smoke break outdoors, Janet tells Rebecca that none of them know what to say or do. Rebecca asks whether Lindsay has talked to Janet about it. Janet says no. Rebecca says that she knows Lindsay isn't fine, despite what she says, but Rebecca doesn't want to pry. Janet figures that when Lindsay is ready to talk, she'll approach someone, which is actually a pretty astute observation for Janet to make. Rebecca agrees. Janet says that it's frustrating, but then they clam up as Lindsay walks up. There's an awkward silence. Rebecca finally says that she knows Lindsay has "something bad," and when she's ready to talk, Rebecca will be there. Lindsay replies, "Yeah, it's just one of those things." It would be really hard to see your friend hurting, but there's really nothing they can do beyond what they are doing. In an interview, Janet worries that Lindsay will give herself ulcers if she "keeps penting [sic] up all this emotion."
David tells Lindsay that she'll like his friend Anthony, who is coming to visit. David says that Anthony has "a really strong outlook on life" because "he knows he's going to die in the four years." Wow, that's really sensitive to Lindsay's situation. It's possible that this happened before Lindsay got the Suicide Bill phone call, though, and they just stuck it in here because this is the death episode. In an interview, Lindsay explains that Anthony has been battling cancer for a few years, but that it's in remission right now.
Space Needle Shot #72. David and Anthony walk toward Pier 70. Anthony matter-of-factly discusses his back pain. In an interview, David reveals that Anthony told him that he gets pain "so indescribable" that he "can't even articulate it with words." In the house, David and Anthony chuckle over the Weekly World News.
Rebecca and Anthony shop for clothes. In an interview, Rebecca says that Anthony is "really kind," and that he's the kind of person you feel lucky to know, because he's so sweet. People probably say that about me, too. In Bizarro Land, maybe. ["Hey, I say that! I might not say it on camera, though, in case people thought I was queer or something." -- Wing Chun] Rebecca advises Anthony not to buy an outfit that makes it look like he's trying too hard. Anthony says that he wants it to look like he's trying a little. Aw. Anthony is cute. Outside, David tells Janet that Anthony is doing well, and that sometimes he can go out and play basketball all day, and sometimes he's in so much pain that he can't stand.
As they walk down the street, Anthony tells Lindsay that he likes being there and hanging out with David, because they have so much fun. In an interview, Lindsay says that she likes Anthony's "positive outlook," but that it's unfortunate he came by that outlook battling cancer. Hey, she doesn't know. Maybe he was Mr. Sunshine before he got cancer and he just stayed the same! Anthony tells Lindsay that he doesn't worry about it, saying, "If I die, I die. If I don't, I don't."
David is talking to Kira on the phone again. He has the largest amount of dirt that I've ever seen smeared on his hand. Was he out changing his oil or something? Dude, it's called soap. Look into it. Anyway, Kira is pissed that David is arriving on the 27th instead of the 26th. In an interview, David says, "Girls aren't going to be rational about those things. They want it right now and right then." I missed the part where David got a degree in gender-based psychology. ["They didn't have time to show it because Stephen was all slapping Irene and shit." -- Wing Chun] Kira says something to the effect that, when David gets there, "the drama can come to an end." Not fucking likely! In an interview, David says, "Not everything has to be so high-stakes." After he gets off the phone, David realizes that he actually can't leave until the 28th and he just told her the 27th. In an interview, David says he's actually scared of his girlfriend and his "haaaaht's panting right now." His heart is panting? He does need to see a doctor!
Space Needle Shot #73 with the monorail thrown in for good measure. David rolls around on his bed and says, "It fucking kills, though." Anthony tells him to relax, and I'm sure he's thinking, "Whatever, dude. Don't tell me about pain." Anthony tells Janet that David is sick; Anthony thinks David popped something in his shoulder. Janet and Lindsay come in to find out what's going on. David tells Lindsay that he has pain in his heart, and it's shooting down his left arm to his hand. Oh my God! Who doesn't know that he's totally having a heart attack right now? Lindsay dials 911 and gets an ambulance as Janet rubs down David's chest with a towel. Why do all of Janet's cures involve towels and pressure? Lindsay waits for the ambulance and, in a voice-over, wonders whether she's being tested. The paramedics show up and take David's blood pressure. In an interview, Janet says that Anthony is really worried, which worries her even more. David gets strapped to a gurney with an oxygen tube in his nose, and he's loaded into the ambulance. He looks pretty bad. Anthony goes with him in the ambulance. Janet and Lindsay stand there and watch the ambulance take off. Where's David's good buddy Nate-dawg during all this? Anthony tells David that he's right there, and says, "You know I love you, partner!" Apparently, David doesn't respond, because Anthony starts going, "Dave? Dave!" and we go to commercial.
Space Needle Shot #74. Janet is on the phone with Anthony, but we can't hear what he's telling her. She hangs up and tells Lindsay and Rebecca that the doctors think it was a muscle spasm, but they're running tests on him. David is in a cab, headed home, so I guess the tests didn't take long. In an interview, David explains that he had an inflammation of the tissues in his chest, which constricted his breathing and affected his heart rate. Anthony tells David that he was scared, because when he saw David cringing in pain, he knew something was wrong. Anthony says he thought about calling David's mother, and that if he had, David's mother would already be there.
Suddenly, they must have realized that they need to wrap things up, because Anthony's leaving. He just got here! They've got an extra bed now. Maybe he could move in. Rebecca hugs him goodbye. As they wait for Anthony's cab, David asks how he's going to "pull this one off," because his "girl's probably going to boot [him] to the curb." Anthony says that if she does, then she's not worth it. David says he loves the way they put things at home, because here people would tell him to give Kira a chance. Anthony says, "I know you love her, but if she's not going to wait for you because you got a scheduling conflict, then go fuck yourself." Well said, Anthony. Divest yourself from the drama, David. Anthony gets into the cab.
Lindsay answers the phone, and it's Poull, calling to see how she's doing. Lindsay says that she's better. Poull asks whether she's still going skydiving, and Lindsay says that she's not. Poull thinks that's a good decision. In an interview, Lindsay says that she had "a twinge of anxiety" and it sparked "so many emotions that [she was] trying to keep inside of [her]." Lindsay cries on the phone with her brother. In a confessional, Lindsay says that she can't hide the fact that it hurts. Lindsay tells Poull that she's "sick of being upset" and "sick of life taking this turn." Lindsay continues, saying that she's angry and frustrated; she's not showing it to anyone, "but [she] can't smile anymore." I remember the first time I saw this, that line really affected me. Maybe I'm cheesy, but that seemed really heartfelt. In a confessional, Lindsay says, "He was a great guy." She half-smiles, then looks like she's going to sob, and then half-smiles again. Lindsay tells her brother that she has headaches and a stiff neck, and any little thing that happens can set her off because she's been so uptight. In a confessional, Lindsay says that it's good that she's getting upset, which is what she tells herself so that she doesn't get mad at herself for crying. She gets mad at herself for crying because her father and her second brother died? Wow, she does need counseling. I would be worried if I didn't cry in that situation.
Lindsay climbs the Steps of Healing and enters the Church of Grieving. David voice-overs that Lindsay went to mass while Bill's funeral was happening. Lindsay kneels in a pew. Is it legal to film that? In a confessional, Lindsay says that she didn't go to Bill's funeral because that's not the way she wants to remember him. Then she bursts out crying.
Lindsay tells Janet that she's not going skydiving, because she doesn't think she should be "playing with [her] life" after going through a loss. Janet agrees that it makes sense. Lindsay starts saying that she tries to hold her feelings inside, but that they have to come out, and that when her dad died, it took her a few years to get through it. Just when you think Lindsay is going to break it down for Janet, the scene changes.
Stephen and David are in bed (not together, although wouldn't that be interesting?). Stephen tells David that Kira loves him. David says that she "flips off the handle for no reason" and that he wants to tell her, "Dude. Just chill out. Love me." Hee! David cracks me up. Stephen says that women make you "earn things" and "prove things" sometimes. We do? ["Dude, as if Stephen would know, anyway." -- Wing Chun] Stephen feels that love and its rewards are worth it. David says he wants to "go the distance" with Kira. Stephen tells him to "just trust love." Could these two be any cheesier? Could there be any more discarded fast-food containers on the floor of their bedroom? No, and no.
David talks to Kira on the phone and tells her that he's joining her on the morning of the 25th, which is three days earlier than he'd said before. Kira says that she doesn't want drama, and David promises her no drama. Yeah, right. Like that's even possible with those two. Kira tells him that she doesn't want him to do it unless it's cool, and David says that it's what he wanted her to do all along. Can you believe what a big deal they're making about this? And they claim they don't want drama? In an interview, David says that he has the right to fall in love, and that he deserves it.
Early in the morning, Janet gets up and bids goodbye to Lindsay as she walks out of their bedroom. It turns out Janet is going to skydive by herself. Good for her! She finally busts out from under Lindsay's shadow, and it's only one episode too late. Cut to Janet telling Lindsay about her experience, with flashback footage to illustrate her points. Janet says that she didn't know what she was doing, but that the instructor told her to hang from the wing and just let go. We see Janet doing just that, and then she floats to the ground once her parachute opens. Janet explains that she couldn't hear the guy on the ground directing her where to land, and she realized that her radio wasn't on. We see Janet, floating downward and screaming, "My radio!" Janet tells Lindsay that she was scared because she fell asleep during training and didn't know what to do. The guy on the ground keeps yelling, "Right turn!" and Janet somehow lands safely. Lindsay claps and says that she's proud of Janet. In an interview, Lindsay says that she knows she's recovering when she starts touching and hugging people again, and letting them hug her back. We see Lindsay give Janet a big hug.
I can't even talk about how dumb the PSA at the end of the episode is. Lindsay tells us to listen to our friends if they talk about suicide, and to get help. But you knew that, right? Right. Plus, it was obviously filmed long after the season ended, and Lindsay's hair was really, really bad. Is that mean of me to point out? Like it would stop me.