Space Needle Shot #43. The End van is driving somewhere at night. I think we've seen that shot, like, ten times this season already. Then, for a change of pace, we see The End van driving toward the Space Needle, just in case you thought the kids were on a road trip to Oregon or something. Oh, they were just going to The End offices. I don't understand how that works. Do they get to keep the van at their house and drive it anywhere? Or does the van come and pick them up for business-related outings? I'm guessing the latter. They all (except David) have a meeting with Phil, the head honcho. He tells them that he got a call from REI, and some of them need to go and meet with them because they are interested in doing advertising with the station. So now they are ad reps in addition to modulators? Whatever, like we don't know it's all a big ruse to introduce the big vacation of the season. Phil gives the info to Irene and asks them to "report back to [him] on what it was about. Curious to know." Ooh, he's such a good actor. Like he didn't know the whole time.
Nathan, Irene and Rebecca head to REI for their meeting. The Squiggly Hip Font of Character Introduction (tm djb) informs us that they are meeting with "Kelsey, REI Promotion Administrator." Kelsey is like the anti-Aubbie. She has a similar 1998 post-Rachel hairdo, but unlike Aubbie, she makes it look good, and she's not fucking dour all the time. Kelsey gives them a little tour of the REI store, which was cutting-edge retail at the time -- it was all about the "full experience," so you not only can buy rock-climbing shoes, but you can test them out on the rock-climbing wall in the store. I was working for a major retailer during this time period, and everyone was trying to be like REI. Anyway, if you don't know, they sell outdoorsy gear. The kids meet with Kelsey and Jerry, the REI Retail Director. Man, could these REI people look any more wholesome? They practically have milk moustaches. Jerry explains that REI wants to start an "adventure travel company." Kelsey tries to build suspense, by saying that they want the kids to have some travel experience, and be able to promote the company the right way. Then the crew does her no favors by switching to a super-tight close-up of her face, as she says they're sending them on an REI Adventures trip to Nepal. Rebecca gasps, and Nathan has no reaction, but you can see the gears turning as he thinks, "Nepal? Where the fuck is Nepal?" Kelsey helps him out by saying, "Himalayas, you got it!" Irene and Rebecca are all, "No way!" In an interview, Nathan says that he never in his wildest dreams thought he would go to Nepal. Mostly because he couldn't find it on a map. Nathan fishes for more information, asking Kelsey, "Not Nepal, Arizona or anything?" Finally Kelsey hooks them up with a map and shows them exactly where they are going.
Cut to David saying, "We're going to Nepal!" as the roommates gather in the kitchen. Cue the general celebration set to ska music. David tries to climb on top of Lindsay. Then, he gets Rebecca on his shoulders and says, "Dude, I can't believe we're going to Nepal. Like, legit Nepal." I guess he got over the whole Kira thing pretty quickly, huh? Rebecca reveals that they are leaving in two weeks, and have to get their inoculations on Monday. Lindsay says that means they have to get a lot of shots, and Nathan says they'll need at least eight, although how he settled on that number is anyone's guess. Janet still doesn't understand the concept, and Stephen explains that they'll be doing things like rock-climbing and rafting, and Nathan adds that they'll be climbing Mt. Everest. Hold on there, Jon Krakauer. You'll hardly be climbing it. But I'm getting ahead of myself. In an interview, Janet says that she's starting to get nervous about what a "shmuck" she will look like doing these activities. Stephen foreshadows his feelings about Janet and make-up when he says, "Don't do your nails in the morning because they're going to look like crap by the end." He's smiling now, but for how long?
More outdoor nighttime shots, featuring Space Needle shots #45 and #46. Janet, Lindsay and Irene are going to meet Lindsay's brother, and Lindsay is very excited. She says it's "like a rock star thing" because "that's how much [she] loves [her] brother." Already, it's creepy. The Squiggly Font informs us that they have arrived at the Edgewater Hotel, and then in an interview, Lindsay tells us that she cried yesterday because she misses her brother, and she is not one to cry. Never mind that the interview could have been filmed weeks before, or after, her brother came to visit. We are meant to think it was filmed just before they left the house to meet him, so don't question it! The cameras aren't allowed in the hotel, so we see and hear Lindsay greeting her brother with cries of "Poull! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" Then we see a shot of Lindsay humping her brother's leg (I'm not kidding) while she kisses him, and as if that weren't creepy enough, Suicide Bill (who kills himself later in the season) is standing to them. Lindsay takes time away from making out with her brother to introduce him to Irene and Janet. In a confessional, Lindsay says, "This kid is all I have in life." Then, Irene and Janet make small talk with Poull and Suicide Bill (who was never introduced, by the way, like B/M doesn't care about him until he kills himself; I feel totally justified in calling him Suicide Bill, since that's how they see him). Lindsay plays with her hair and wipes her nose about ten times. Make of that what you will. I'm sure she was just overcome with emotion.
Outdoor shots of Seattle. At Pier 70, Poull asks Lindsay if people call her "Puff Mama." Lindsay says they call her "Big Hair." Who calls her that? No one has ever called her that. Ever. And if they did, what a lame-ass nickname. Poull sits down and tells Janet that all he's heard about for months is her, and what a great friend she is. Janet peels the label from her beer bottle as she says, "God, she's the only one [in whom] I invest a half-assed effort. Without Linds, I'd be dead by now." Wow, I'm sure that made your other roommates feel just great. And I'm sure Lindsay, for that matter, was glad to hear that you only invest a "half-assed effort" in her. I hate Janet. Lindsay tries to save it by saying she "likes everyone in this house" but she doesn't "like everything about everyone in this house," just like they don't like everything about her. But she can invest a lot of time into Janet, and she thinks that means a lot. Janet just lights up another Marlboro Light.
Daytime at The End offices. Lindsay informs Janet that even though they "are all used to Aspen, which is fairly high, the altitude [in Nepal] is killer." Okay, Lindsay is from Colorado, so I guess she would be "used to Aspen," but why would anyone else be? I love these out-of-context conversations: they just make the roommates look like bigger idiots than they actually are. Janet says it's going to kill her. In an interview, Janet says she's heard that "people suffer from the altitude, like, all the time" and she's never been higher than, "like, seven thousand feet." She tells Lindsay that she's starting to get really worried about being sick the whole time. I've got one word for you, Janet: Nicorette. Get some. Trust me on this. Lindsay says that she's worried about "poo" and getting "the worst padoodles" because everyone gets them. Could she speak English, like, ever? Janet says, "So basically, we're gonna stink, our bums are gonna be on fire, our stomachs are gonna explode, I'll be vomiting from the altitude, but it'll be peaceful." In an interview, Lindsay says that all she is thinking about is how much time she's going to have to spend in the hospital after this vacation. Now that's the positive attitude I've come to know and love from this show! Hello? It's a free trip! FREE! Ingrates. Lindsay and Janet giggle about poo, and then Lindsay makes a weird little rabbit face for no apparent reason.
Daytime at Pier 70. Lindsay and Poull are sitting outside, as Poull plays an acoustic guitar. It sounds an awful lot like "Spoon Man" that he's playing. In a confessional, Lindsay says that being with her brother makes her feel the most comfortable with herself. Yeah, she loves her brother. A lot. We get it. Nathan is perched on a stump like a monkey. Poull finishes his song and Lindsay asks if it's "the new one [he] wrote," and he says it is. Nathan comments that it's "bad-ass." Yeah, because it was actually written by Soundgarden! It's totally "Spoon Man" with, like, one chord changed. Nathan asks to hear the song Poull wrote about his father because Nathan's father "passed away about the same time y'all's did." I don't even know how to spell "y'all's." Nathan goes on to say that his father was the coolest dad, and everyone wanted to spend the night at his house. Well, his dad must have been cool, because we know that Nathan couldn't have been the big draw. Poull says their dad was similar, and nobody ever knew he was sick. In an interview, Lindsay says her dad was "dying of cancer" and he was "still the president of his company" and no one knew that he was sick because he never showed it. Doesn't that seem kind of -- and pardon the term -- unhealthy? Then, Poull reveals that "it came as a surprise" (although it's unclear whether he's referring to his father's actual death, or just that he was sick in the first place) and that he came home and Lindsay told him the ambulance was just there. Their mother started crying and Poull "couldn't handle it" and "Lindsay took off." Lindsay voice-overs that she "put up this huge barrier -- HUGE!" and that no one could break it down. She wishes her father was still with her because "he meant everything to [her]." Have you ever seen a better candidate for massive therapy? I mean, I feel bad that her dad died and all, but come on. Poull sings the song about his dead father in a very nasal voice, and suddenly Janet is there, and the last line is "I've got to accept the memory of your smile." That will be important later on. Poull continues to strum the guitar as we look out over the water, which ripples like his memory, I guess.
Suddenly, we're at REI. There are a bunch of filler shots of the aisles of the store, because in return for the free trip, B/M agreed to show the merchandise. The roommates meet up with Rusty, their travel guide, who tells them to go around the store and pick things off their list, to the strains of some big-band song. So not only did they get all that free K2 stuff, but now they get all this free REI stuff and this free trip? Man, they have got to be the luckiest cast. Janet says that none of them are prepared, so REI is giving them all this crap. Then she jokes that she wears "six-inch boots [sic] to climb the hills of Seattle. [She's] obviously not a big shopper of REI." The roommates walk out, each carrying two or three shopping bags full of free stuff. Bastards.
The roommates now must go to the hospital to get their shots. They couldn't just go to a doctor? Oh, but then Lindsay wouldn't get to say the following in an interview: "I don't like hospitals. I don't like shots. I don't like cancer wards. I don't like pain." Yeah, because the rest of us love the fucking cancer ward. I go to parties there all the time. Lindsay finds out they have to get seven shots and starts crying, like get thee to a therapist already! And then she walks out of the elevator and there's a sign that says "Cancer Care" which causes her to become more upset, and Janet has to console her, and I am having no sympathy whatsoever. I am sorry that the whole thing upset her, but enough! We get it! Your dad died of cancer, and thus hospitals make you nervous. I think hospitals make most people nervous. But you know what we do? We fucking deal with it!
A doctor examines Janet, and he asks her if anyone has gotten on her case about stopping smoking. She says that she has "a awful [sic] oral fixation" and she's "afraid of gaining weight." Oh my God. Can we kill the myth right now that smoking keeps you from gaining weight? It totally does not. I think I am living proof of that. I smoke, and it never stopped me from gaining weight. Just admit that you are weak and addicted to nicotine, but don't give me that "oral fixation" crap. Buy some lollipops. The doctor tells her that if she stops now, she probably won't have any permanent damage. I know he means well, but when authority figures tell me to stop smoking, it makes me want to smoke more. It makes me want to smoke three cigarettes at a time and blow the smoke right in their faces. And then I'll die of lung cancer, and have to be in the (shut your ears, Lindsay) cancer ward, where I hear they throw excellent parties. But at least I don't use the lame-ass weight-gain excuse. In an interview, Janet says that she thinks smoking is "unattractive" because "it stinks, and halitosis, and yellow teeth, and wrinkles." Well, she's right with that one. If you don't smoke, and you're reading this, take it from me. Don't start. It's not cool. It's really hard to stop. I've tried. Someday I will stop. But it would all be a lot easier if I had never started. Okay, PSA over. ["But Kim, you look so cool when you smoke! You blow the smoke over your shoulder like Carrie Bradshaw!" -- Wing Chun]
Lindsay says, "Just write me my death wish right now." That makes no sense. Montage of people getting shots and Lindsay looking uncomfortable. When it's her turn, she makes a big dramatic deal out of it, like shots hurt. They don't. Irene comforts her, and they all leave.
Now it's night again, and we see Space Needle shot #47. Do you think we'll hit fifty before they go to Nepal? Stay tuned. Inside the house, Nathan, Rebecca, Irene and Lindsay are lying on a bed. Someone asks how long Lindsay's dad was sick and she says he had "colon cancer" and it spread through his body. Lindsay says that they're planning to "dig up his remains and have him cremated," because they didn't know what to do when he died, so they just buried him. Dude, that's kind of gross. I appreciate the symbolism and stuff, but do you have to dig his shit up? Couldn't you just have a memorial ceremony or something? ["You know, it's so expensive to bury someone, I doubt they'd just dig him up for the hell of it. I suspect that's a bullshit story meant to garner even more sympathy for Lindsay, but I'm a cynic like that." -- Wing Chun] Nathan asks why, and Lindsay says they want to "stick him in the mountains" because it's where he was born, and where he was most comfortable. Rebecca points out that it's "just a body," but Irene and Lindsay disagree. Nathan says that "religion-wise, it is just a shell." ["Um. Depends on which religion, Nathan, Doctor of Divinity." -- Wing Chun] Irene says something about "symbolically, for her family" and "it's like a tribute within your own selves." Lindsay agrees with whatever the hell Irene just said, saying that "it's good closure." Well, if it gives Lindsay closure, go ahead and dig up the corpse. The scene closes with Space Needle shot #48.
Daytime. Nathan puts on his backpack and shouts, "Viva Nepal! Viva Nepal!" Shut up, Nathan. Janet can't believe they're really going as the roommates exit the house and get on a bus to the airport. I guess we won't hit fifty Space Needles this episode. It's still gotten more screen time than Rebecca and Irene combined. Then, they are all on an Alaska Airlines plane, goofing off. In an interview, Janet says that the flight to Nepal sucks. They flew three or four hours to L.A., then another thirteen hours to Osaka, Japan, then another five hours to Bangkok, then another three hours to Kathmandu. Okay, that would suck. Especially when (as we see during Janet's explanation) David's scratching his armpit all the time. The flight attendant announces that they have landed at Kathmandu airport, and the roommate giddily exit the plane. Rebecca starts jumping up and down on the tarmac. Nathan keeps shouting, "Viva Nepal!" Shut up, Nathan! God, he is such an ugly American. He hops into the terminal, and then Lindsay and Janet giggle, probably about poo.
Coming back from commercial, we see various shots of Nepal, suitable for a travelogue. Mountains. Village life. Some kid getting attacked by about a thousand pigeons. Lots of people riding bikes and/or carrying shit on their heads. Cows. Monkeys. The roommates walk up some steps as the Squiggly Hip Font of Character Introduction (tm djb) lets us know Mingma is guiding them. In case you weren't sure, Nathan voice-overs that Mingma is their "main Sherpa" who is "taking [them] around and showing [them] everything." Mingma points out some gentlemen with musical instruments, and Nathan says, "This is snake stuff?" and gets his camera ready. He is such a hick. The men play instruments and charm the snakes, I guess. I don't know much about how that all works. David voice-overs, "You know Lindsay, she's up for anything. One of the guys puts a python around her neck, and she's sitting there, and she's like 'Whoa.'" We see Lindsay with said python. We see a very frightened-looking Nathan with the python, then a very relaxed-looking Rebecca and Irene.
, Lindsay tells us that Rusty told them they were going to "a special place." This episode makes me want to go to my "special place." Stephen voice-overs that they are at a monkey temple, "and the monkeys are all around." They are, indeed. Rebecca feeds them. Lindsay sits by one. Nathan gets someone to take a picture of him sitting in front of one, and I hate to tell him, but in the picture, it's going to look like the monkey is growing out of his head. That's his retribution for saying that the monkey is going to "jump on [his] neck and bite the shit out of [him]." I wish it would. Janet asks if they bite, and Rusty tells her to look out for big males. Then we get the gratuitous monkey sex shot. That happened during the New Orleans season too! I must be cursed. I am the monkey sex recapper. No one else had monkey sex! I want a monkey sex bonus! Lindsay giggles at the monkey sex. A monkey mugs for the camera. Maybe season of the Real World should just be a bunch of monkeys. They'd probably be more entertaining, and they'd certainly be more intelligent.
Then, there's a funeral procession through the center of town. The first few people are carrying a sort-of stretcher with what is presumably the dead body. Lindsay takes note of it, and says in an interview that she's been in a few funeral processions, most notably her dad's (in case we all forgot that her dad is dead), and they are usually "personal and emotional." She notes that it is different in this culture, and that there are tons of people in a line, crying and moaning. She feels like she shouldn't be watching it, but she can't take her eyes off it. While she's saying this, we see numerous shots of her staring uncomfortably at the crying, moaning people. She finishes by saying they are going to cremate someone. Then we actually see the body being burned in the fire, like thanks for ruining my dinner. And I wonder if B/M got the family's permission to show that footage. Oh, I guess it doesn't matter because they are just foreigners, after all. Lindsay stares at the fire and Nathan reminds her that it is "just a shell." David adds "dust to dust."
The roommates are all in a temple for some sort of ceremony. Lindsay tells us that she is "so lost in [her] own world" that she's "not even paying attention to what other people are thinking." And this is different from every other episode this season how exactly? We see shots of Rebecca, Nathan and Stephen looking on.
A rooster crows, like, could there be a more overused cliché for sunrise? Do they even have roosters in Nepal? Rusty knocks on the door and wakes up the roommates. He is so Ned Flanders. He's all, "Rise and shine, happy campers!" and "The chopper will be a-warming up in the near future." Irene looks like she wants to smack him, and I don't blame her. I don't know what the time difference is between Seattle and Nepal, but I bet they are having some serious jet lag. The kids all grab their backpacks and head for the helicopter. In an interview, Lindsay says that she "never, ever, ever expected ever in [her] life that [she]'d take a helicopter to Mt. Everest, ever." I don't get what she's saying. Did she expect this or not? The helicopter takes off. In an interview, Lindsay says that all she can think is "Don't crash!" because if they crash in the mountains, they're all going to die. Hmm, I wonder if they crashed, especially since Lindsay interview that we just saw clearly did not take place on the helicopter, which would indicate that she survived. Wow, how suspenseful. Various scenic shots of the mountains, with the kids looking at them out the window.
The helicopter lands, and everyone deplanes (de-helicopters?). Janet is looking a little woozy. In an interview, Rebecca says that she stepped "into thin air" and that the altitude hits you, but the "endorphin high" carries you through. Nathan yells out, "Top of the world!" Shut up, Nathan. Rusty tells Rebecca that every time he has been there, he's seen a body taken out. Then we get a close-up of the cigarette in Janet's hand. Oh Lord. She could survive all of the hours-long plane flights without smoking, but she has to smoke on Mt. Everest? She should have listened to my Nicorette advice earlier. Or maybe she's afraid she'll gain weight because of the altitude or something. In an interview, Lindsay says that as soon as Janet started to light up, Lindsay said she should "cut back on those things" while they're up there. Who knew Lindsay would be the voice of reason? David walks slowly up the mountain, as we hear him say in voice-over, "The elevation hit me right away, and I was humbled once again." I like to see David humble. Doesn't happen very often. To add insult to injury, we see a Sherpa carrying, like, an entire house on his back while climbing. Janet struggles up the hill as Rusty says that the "altitude will slow you down." Then the lamest thing ever -- the camera pretends to be like Janet's POV, and wobbles and then falls to the ground. Like we were fooled for a minute, and thought we could actually see through Janet's eyes. We hear Rusty say, "Janet?" and then Rusty and a Sherpa catch her and place her on some packs. Everyone looks concerned as Rusty and the Sherpas (great band name, by the way) attend to Janet, saying that she's cold. Hey, maybe if she had worn a hat, she wouldn't get cold. Oh, but that might mess up her hair, so no dice. They show Lindsay walk away, so that you think she is freaking out like when her dad died, but in the shot, she's standing right by Janet again. One of the Sherpas hugs Janet and the rest of them wrap coats around her and put a hat on her head. Finally, Janet wakes up, saying, "I'm fine, I'm fine" and laughing. In an interview, Janet says, "Losing that control, and not knowing what happened for the past five minutes, it scared me." Yeah, so she started buying Marlboro Ultra Lights instead of Marlboro Lights! Irene consoles Janet. In an interview, Lindsay says Janet "passed out on [her]" and that they kept hearing stories about people dying, and she just wanted Janet to "get better and then join us." Because it's all about what Lindsay wants.
The gang sits on top of a ridge and a Sherpa risks life and limb to take their picture. David voice-overs that "people talk about the connection between God and nature, and you can actually see that. How something so big, so powerful, and so awesome can be there, and how small you are." The scenery is pretty awe-inspiring, so I'll forgive David's flair for the dramatic. Better to be dramatic about this than Kira/Cara/Carol. An acoustic guitar strums as Janet voice-overs that she would "pass out every hour on the hour to see this." Lindsay walks alone as the guitar is revealed to be the sounds of Poull's dead dad song. Lindsay voice-overs that she's "not getting all spiritual" but she thinks if her father could see her, he'd be very proud. She thinks this is one of those times, he'd "let out that chuckle and just smile." Coincidentally, Poull sings "memory of your smile" right at that moment. Oh, those editors. They are so subtle. Meanwhile, Poull probably visited them like two weeks after they got back from Nepal, but that wouldn't fit in with Lindsay thinking about her dad on the mountaintop, so they had to juxtapose it all into one episode. Nice.