A shot of Attention Deficit Manor from the outside and the sound of a phone ringing. It's Paul, Jacinda's boyfriend, the most pussy-whipped male ever. Jacinda takes the call wearing a tan ankle-length skirt, a t-shirt, and a scarlet waistcoat. Even I have to admit she looks adorable in a casual, comfortable kind of way. She explains in a voice-over that she's been with Paul five months, while she tells Paul over the phone to stop being so glum. "I love you many, many big times," says Paul -- whose first language is, in fact, English, contrary to what you might think based on the construction of that last remark. He's just being cute and submissive. Jacinda goes on to explain in a voice-over that she's been busy adapting to her situation in London, but Paul -- who has never visited -- isn't part of that. In the living room, Mike (who is unfortunately "part of that") asks Jacinda when Paul's going to visit her. Jacinda says she doesn't know -- but in a really bored tone, as though Mike just asked her what kind of twine she used to bundle up the newspaper for recycling. Jacinda may possess many irritating qualities, but codependence is not one of them. She is hardly a woman who "loves too much."
Oh, and Jacinda's taking flying lessons. We see her flying in a two-person plane with an instructor. Whatever. She explains that she's always loved airplanes, and that she loves being "up there." "It's one of the one hundred things I've meant to do, and now I get to do it," she says. Now that your modeling career has hit the skids, right?
Back at the house, the phone rings. It's Paul, and he's planning a visit. Jacinda might as well be talking to a telemarketer, she is so unenthusiastic about seeing her boyfriend. She even explains in an interview that she told Paul she's not sure how she'll feel when he gets there. "I love you," Paul tells Jacinda on the phone. Jacinda is all, "No! you tell me that every time!" And I know how she feels. Photogenic twenty-year-old men with perfect teeth tell me that constantly, and it's really starting to grate on my nerves.
Mike, always the sensitive one, asks Jacinda whether Paul is "the man, or just the dude [she's] nailing now." Well obviously, Mike, Jacinda isn't "nailing" Paul now because he's in France and I doubt his penis is long enough to cross the English Channel and penetrate her. I mean, if it were, I think she'd be a little more excited to hear from him. Jacinda says she doesn't know, and asks Mike about his love life. I guess she's got a few spare seconds before her flight lesson. Mike admits that he was in love once, but "she was a bitch like they all are." Mike, I know that the breakup was painful, but I'm sure your right hand meant well and tried very hard to make things work, okay? Oh, wait -- he's talking about a biological woman, and apparently he walked in on her with one of his good friends. Michael had friends back in the States? Jacinda keeps asking about this girl, and learns that Mike was with her nine months. I guess that's how long it took for her to figure out that there was some bad-haired freak to whom she said "hi" once breaking into her dorm room and stealing her underwear. "Now I like to go out and have a good time and whatever happens happens," says Mike. I guess by "happens," Mike is referring to the she-males he hits on or the girls that kick him in the balls when he says "hello" to them.
“ Chrys holds up the dog in front of Neil, who isn't having any of it. 'Cause, you know, resisting the charms of a puppy is so punk rock! ”
"It seemed like she wanted a dog like a little girl wants a Barbie," says Lars in a continuation of the interview. This is the most intelligent thing I've heard Lars say all season. We see Jacinda at the pet store, honing in on a puppy. I don't, to be perfectly honest, know what the breed is, but it's white with black and tan patches, and hairy as opposed to furry. The pet-store lady -- who seems to see what Jacinda is all about -- insists that Jacinda think very hard about making such a huge commitment. Jacinda is all, "Yeah, whatever," and leaves the store with Paul in tow, presumably to think it over. Paul totally encourages Jacinda to get the dog, although he does outline the realities of doing so. A few minutes later, they're back at the store; Jacinda buys the dog and a bunch of other dog accessories. Paul really enjoys picking out stuff to buy for the dog. Jacinda whines about how expensive the dog is. Like, why couldn't she have gone to the pound? I mean, you'd think Bunim-Murray would have creamed in their collective pants if Jacinda had visited a pet shelter and learned something relevant about stray animals or something.
Jacinda names her puppy "Legend," and I have no idea why. It's the kind of name some aging drag queen would give her Pekinese. "Legend, come to Mummy!" Jacinda calls. As soon as she takes him home, Legend poops on the floor...on camera. Jacinda sees the poop in progress, and instead of going over and hitting Legend, or at least making a loud noise to begin the housebreaking process, she leaves Legend to do his thing and wanders around the house shouting for Paul to come and "help" her. So much for "Jacinda the independent lady." (Oh God, I don't think I can handle watching the rest of this episode. My Pomeranian, Benjamin, was obviously owned by someone like Jacinda before I adopted him from a pet shelter -- someone who had no idea what they were getting into before they bought a dog. I learned later that he'd been in seven homes before I ended up with him and no one had been able to housetrain him. I did a pretty good job, but he still has accidents from time to time.) "I think it's going to be a very spoiled dog," Lars voice-overs as Legend runs up the stairs and visits Sharon in her room. Sharon is all, "Oh my God!" But soon even Legend gets over Sharon and he's out of there.
The dog is adorable. It really does take to everyone in the house and has these sweet little gestures. Then there's this really funny moment when Mike comes home and Lars tells him they have a dog. "Fabulous," says Mike in this uncharacteristically dry yet bitter tone, like he's a forty-year-old gay man. ["Maybe Legend just freed Mike's inner forty-year-old gay man." -- Wing Chun] Mike stomps off to his room. We see Chrys holding up the dog in front of Neil, who isn't having any of it. 'Cause, you know, resisting the charms of a puppy is so punk rock! Neil's all, "Get it away." In an interview, Neil opines that Jacinda isn't training the dog at all: "She doesn't do anything to train the dog except saying, 'Hallo Doggie!' and congratulating it when it [bleep] somewhere near a newspaper." Wait! Since when can Neil speak again? I mean, Paul just got here and Jacinda introduced Neil to him as the one who can't speak, and now he's speaking a few days later? ["B/M continuity: catch the fever!" -- Wing Chun] We then see Jacinda picking a lot of poop off the floor while, in an interview, Jay expresses his doubts about the dog.