“ Cory wears a horrible sweater to tell us that Pedro and Puck have tension. When your ugly sweater upstages you, you know you've got nothing to say. ”
First of all, I'd like to mention that I saw Puck the other week riding his bike in front of my comedy class. It's official: absolutely every single person in America has had a Puck sighting. Puck got off his bike, shook my hand, and took my picture. He looked over my head as he said, "Now there's no reason left for me to live." We both knew it wasn't a sad statement -- it was akin to if he had said, "You wear shoes on your feet."
Previously on The Real World: Rachel was pretty proud of herself for being the only person to go to Puck's little soapbox derby. Pedro had AIDS. Puck decided that he knows enough about AIDS not to go to Pedro's functions since Pedro didn't ride a soapbox. Pedro was pissed about peanut butter as Cory giggled.
Puck asks Cory for a kiss. She giggles and offers him a hug. Pedro irons his clothes and smiles at Cory's platonic love for Puck. Puck keeps flirting and Cory keeps holding her mouth as far away from Puck as possible. Pedro tells us that Cory has been spending a lot of time with Puck. Cory calls Puck her "little Wonder Bread kid." She then quickly adds, "My little Wonder Bread brother." Pedro explains that Cory has told him recently that whenever she wants to do something, Puck is the only person who's around. Puck nuzzles Cory's neck, but she seems to be tolerating his advances, not welcoming them. Puck tells Pedro that he's Oscar and Pedro is Felix. Although Pedro is ironing a shirt, he tells Puck, "No, don't even try!" Cory giggles on like the vacuous girlie she is. Puck tries to sing the theme song to The Odd Couple, but it sounds like Pedro hit a whammy. Puck points out that Pedro is ironing while Puck's clothes are in a pile. "We are The Odd Couple," he repeats. They get an earlier clip of Cory looking slightly to the right saying, "Yep," and just throw it in here so it looks like she's a part of this conversation. Cory wears a horrible sweater to tell us that Pedro and Puck have tension. When your ugly sweater upstages you, you know you've got nothing to say.
Puck and Pedro play pool. Puck tells us he sees Pedro and not "Mr. AIDS Man Gay Activist." That is the name of my ninth album, by the way. The one after "Mrs. Epstein-Barr Asian Schoolgirl." Pedro says that Puck just keeps judging Pedro for being gay. Puck says he hates the way that Pedro judges him for being heterosexual. Puck wears a flower behind his ear for this segment, by the way. Pedro tells us he hates Puck calling them the Odd Couple. Hates it. Since it's been mentioned three times in two minutes, I hate it, too. Puck's the one who wants them to be a couple so badly. Puck tells us, "I've had experience with gay people before and it doesn't bother me if you're gay." Thanks, Puck. "It bothers me if it's all AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, gay, young, AIDS." Those are the opening lyrics to the song "Mr. AIDS Man Gay Activist," from the album of the same title. Puck says that he thinks Pedro's boyfriend is much cooler than Pedro is.
“ Rachel says, 'If [Pedro's] got AIDS, he's got to think fast.' Always go to Rachel for advice. ”
Birds in a park, showing us the struggle of Ms. Pigeon Walking Diseased-Poop Birds.
Montage of Pedro and Sean flirting. Pedro tells us in his confessional that Sean has asked him to marry him. The birds all take off suddenly, showing us the...well...what it sounds like when birds fly.
Cory, Rachel, and Puck all flop around on some beds gossiping about Pedro. Cory tells them that Sean asked Pedro to marry him. Quick rapid shots of churches. So dumb. Cory says that they're working it out right now. Cory says that she thinks they're moving very quickly. Pedro loves Sean and feels comfortable with him. They keep gossiping about Pedro. Rachel says, "If he's got AIDS, he's got to think fast." Always go to Rachel for advice.
Montage of Sean and Pedro at a table. Wait, can it be a montage if they're just sitting in one place talking? It's not a very exciting montage, anyway. Pedro tells us again that he's very comfortable with Sean. They talk about their relationship as Cory tells us that Pedro needs to think about his family. Pedro tells us that he's thinking about his home.
Montage of Pedro's family life. They play dominos. He tries to tell us in the nicest way possible that his family wouldn't approve of his black gay boyfriend. Pedro tells Sean that he comes from a racist, homophobic family, so he doesn't feel comfortable holding Sean's hand on the streets of San Francisco. Cory repeats it again for us, because we're dumb. Pedro repeats it again to Sean. WE. GET. IT. Pedro then explains it again to us. Okay, Pedro. It's hard to hold hands with your boyfriend. Get it. Sean keeps flirting with Pedro, asking him to have wild sex. Puck wonders whether they're having wild sex.
Pedro and Sean find Rachel in bed wearing a facial mask. They tease her. Rachel asks whether they're engaged. Sean leaves the room, and Pedro calls him back in. They all giggle and blush. Judd asks Sean whether he's going to make an "honest woman" out of Pedro. They all laugh, because it was still acceptable back then to make the homophobic one feel better when he uses "humor" to deal with his insecurities. Pedro says that they're engaged. Rachel says that when she thinks of marriage, she thinks of her parents, so Sean and Pedro don't "fit the mold." She says that seeing them together and getting used to them has made it "not that shocking." Rachel says something inappropriate that we can't hear, and Pedro starts to pull Sean out of the house. Judd asks which one is going to wear the dress. Again, they humor the inappropriate one as the newly engaged couple goes somewhere else to celebrate. Why would you ever go back to that house in the first place? Judd tells us that he's really happy for them, but that he's still got this "deep-down heterosexual thing" that finds their engagement "really weird." I keep having to remind myself that this was 1994. Judd says that he'll get over it, but that he's not going to be a bridesmaid. Jesus.
Puck says that Pedro and Sean are only getting married for shock value. Puck only continues to breathe for shock value.
Morning. Each of the housemates gets ready for his or her day. Puck has brought his grandfather over to make breakfast for everyone. Everyone except Pedro participates, pissing Puck off. Pam is wearing some sort of nightgown you put on your dolly before bedtime. Puck's sister is there, and Cory's friend takes Pedro's seat. Pedro sweeps the floor instead of participating in breakfast. Puck thinks that Pedro's being an asshole. And, uh, yeah, Pedro's being an asshole here. Pedro tells us that he likes everyone in the house, and that when he isolates himself from Puck, he has to isolate himself from everyone in the house, and he doesn't like that.
Pedro and Sean drive their car until a drunk driver hits them. Absolutely everyone in the shot has been blurred out, so it's hard to tell what's going on. It seems that Sean and Pedro think the other driver was drunk, but nobody else has confirmed it. Cops say they'll have to test her to see. She's getting booked.
Back at the house, Puck says that they should sue the driver. He says he'd fake whiplash if he were the one who'd been hit. This breaks out into an incredibly boring argument about lying for money. Rachel says that Puck got mad at Cory for lying to get a fake ID, but that he has no problem lying about whiplash. Puck says that it's not the same thing. Pedro says the word "ethics." The word "lie" is said so many times that I start to drool and my eyes roll back. Pedro has no respect for Puck, he tells us. Puck curses and leaves the room. Dull.
Cory and Puck play cards in a bar with two people I don't know. It's hard to get excited about someone else's card game. Puck tells us that he likes Cory more now that he's seen her personality. Cory tells us that most people don't get to see the "sensitive human side" of Puck. She says that Puck won't apologize, but that he does things in a "Puckly way" by buying you a beer or something when he's fucked up. Puck and Cory flirt as Cory tells us that she gets along better with Puck because she's a girl. She says that she'd get along much better with Puck than "a gay guy" would. Then Cory tells us she misses Pedro so much, and that when they first rode over together, they bonded instantly. Cory doesn't realize that she's not really a person, but just a mirror. People use her to talk to so that they can hear themselves talk. They don't care what she has to say. They only care how they look in her eyes. Cory tells us there's so much about Pedro that she loves. He treats people well.
Pedro asks Rachel whether she wants kids. Rachel says she does, but that she doesn't want to be pregnant. Pedro pulls the sympathy card and pouts into his coffee that he'd have kids if he were able to. He offers Rachel a bite of the food that was just in his mouth. Rachel tells us that she feels guilty because although she has the "most fun" with Puck, the person in the house she has the most in common with ("besides the fact that he is gay") is Pedro. She says that she can't "live like that." She doesn't want to feel guilty for talking to one or the other.
Rachel and Puck fight about Pedro. Rachel tells us that Puck doesn't respect Pedro, which is why he and Pedro fight so much. Puck says that he doesn't care if Pedro's on Oprah Winfrey. He doesn't like who Pedro is, and he doesn't want to play nice for him. Rachel says that Puck wants people to earn his respect. "I'm high-profile too, man," Puck says, showing us that this entire thing is about jealousy.
The kids all sit around playing a game. They put questions about themselves into a hat and each person has to pick a question out of the hat and...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Kill me. Puck answers his question, telling the group that if he had to change one physical thing about himself, he'd get more tattoos, and that if he had to change one thing emotionally, he'd make himself more sensitive to other people's needs. Someone harshes on Puck for not elaborating, and Puck correctly points out that he answered the question. Pedro's question is what he would change about his living arrangement. Pedro acts like the question was, "Describe in detail gay sex," and Rachel's all encouraging him to speak up; Pedro says he'd like to improve his communication with some of the people in the house. Puck asks how, and Pedro says that if he knew how, he'd just do it. Rachel has to cut in here to tell us that it was "a lot more intense than it may have appeared to be." Good. Because it looked about as intense as that moment I pour sugar into my coffee and I briefly wonder whether I'm going to put too much sugar in my coffee and then I realize that it's really hard to put too much sugar in my coffee and I start thinking about naked Johnny Depp. Puck says that he got Pedro's question. Pedro says that he's wrong. He then says that Puck is "very wrong." Puck realizes that there's no real intensity to being wrong about who wrote his question so he tells Pedro that he's not "very wrong." Cory tells us that she doesn't know how Puck and Pedro will find a common ground. Pedro's question is how he'd like to be remembered after this is all over. Why do we only get Puck's and Pedro's questions? Pedro says that he'd like people to remember his struggle, how he struggles, the struggles that he faces, and the struggles that come from his struggles with struggling. Puck doesn't want to play anymore. Thank you, Puck.
“ There's some black man sitting on a green chair in the middle of a forest telling us that many people in the house are afraid of Puck. Who is this man? What? Mohammed? Is he in this show? ”
There's some black man sitting on a green chair in the middle of a forest telling us that many people in the house are afraid of Puck. Who is this man? What? Mohammed? Is he in this show? Well, if you say so.
Puck's question is, "What is the meaning of life?" Cory celebrates, because it was her question. Puck says that his meaning of life is to "stir up some stuff." Puck shaves his legs, I think.
Puck goes out on a date, so everyone else gathers to talk about him because they have nothing better to do with their lives. It starts with Pedro and Judd talking, but eventually everyone goes into their room. Pedro is pissed off, yo. He says he's not going to get along with Puck. He's tired of it. Pedro announces that he doesn't give "three shits about Puck." He says that Puck is only interested in himself. Pedro will only respect people who respect him. Rachel tells us that it's good to hear what Pedro's saying, because she normally only hears Puck's opinion on things. Rachel gives us this pearl of wisdom: "People tend to think that just because he's such an asshole. And he is. That doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings." Pedro says that he doesn't want to eat in front of a man who farts and burps. ["We all want that, but good luck finding such a man." -- Wing Chun] Rachel says that she's not afraid to confront Puck, but that she chooses to do it when other people aren't around. Mohammed says that Pedro has confronted Puck more than once, and that nothing has happened.
Meanwhile, Puck's on a date, saying that he got beat up all the time as a kid.
Pedro says that Puck doesn't care about his feelings. Cory says that Puck's about "making you stir up your emotions." Pedro loses it: "I don't need him to stir up my emotions. I have AIDS. I have sexuality. I have my family. I have so many other things to stir up my emotions without an asshole stirring things that were stirred up for me when I was six years old."
On his date, Puck tells this girl that people keep kicking him out of houses. Well, I think that's what he meant. What he actually said was: "I got kicked out of so many houses. For me. Nine and a half Puck." Who the fuck knows with this guy.
Pedro says that he's isolated himself from the rest of the house. Mohammed says that other people aren't getting to connect because of Puck. He says that his confessional is all about Puck these days. Judd says that they should gang up on Puck. Mohammed thinks that they should all write down their concerns and then all bring them to the table and read over them all and blah blah blah. Pam says that she's fine with Puck and doesn't really have a problem with him. She says that this is a Pedro and Puck issue, and that they shouldn't get involved. Pedro says again that he's going to isolate himself from the rest of the house because of Puck. Pam says that while Mohammed is in the confessional talking about Puck, she's in her confessional talking about Pedro. Then she's bawling and Pedro's bawling and she says she doesn't want to lose that. What the fuck is happening? For real.
time Rachel and Puck mug. Man, this show was much more interesting when I was in high school.