We start off in the kitchen, where Puck is inviting Judd to go to his soapbox derby premiere party. This charming fête, that will feature a video performance of said derby, is to be held at a local bar on Sunday. In an interview, Puck says that the soapbox derby is "what [he's] about." He saves Bunim-Murray's crack editing team the trouble of having to use multiple interviews to reiterate the same point by repeating it no less than twice in the span of a minute.
Credits. At this point, I just want to slap Rachel every time I see her brush her hair behind her shoulder. And don't even ask what I plan to do to the perpetrator of that idiotic laugh -- just as soon as I figure out who it is.
Puck is riding through the city, dragging his racer behind him, singing the slinky theme song. It's an exhausting journey from 24th and Mission all the way to the Marina, and by the time the car is deposited in the garage, he's lying in the driveway. Puck talks his car up to Judd for a while, and then lets us in on a bit of information that most of the population has been in possession of since grade school -- information can be found in, get this, libraries. In the immortal words of Puck, "If you're smart, you know, you just go look it up." Indeed.
The Dudd voice-over narrates a scene of Dudd primping, sans shirt (my eyes!), telling us that he's in the middle of a romantic "dry spell." Which he talks about. A lot. Some of the other housemates are even annoyed by it, but Dudd says, "So what? I'm looking to meet somebody." Unluckily for me, Mohammed has a friend staying with him, who brings another friend, who has the poor taste to spend more than a minute in Dudd's company. Her actual name is Jeanine, but Bing-O is her name-O, if you get my meaning. She and Dudd are sitting on the couch, co-dependently bonding through their recent been-dumped status. This is not going to be pretty, people. Although, the way this conversation is edited, it's hard to get a handle on what they're talking about. Judd will say something and Bing-O will answer to an obviously different question, interspersed with shots of Pam, sitting at the bar, grinning like an idiot. I don't have that good a grasp on the layout of the house, but I have the sneaking suspicion that they're editing two different scenes together to make it look like Pam really cares about who Dudd is interested in. To drive that point home, we are treated to an interview with Pam, who loses major points when she says, "I think that the girls in the house kinda look out for Juddand I think it's partially because we do like him a lot." Bing-O, all non-sequitur-like, says that she's "happier now," and that there are a "few good men out there." Judd, in a moment of self-delusion and self-importance of Dawsonian proportions, says, "Thank you. We try." Now we get footage of Dudd walking Bing-O out to the car, with the Dudd confessional narrating the action all the while. The upshot of it is Bing-O spreads her arms wide, and Dudd's head is wedged between her shoulder and her head. No kiss. All I can say is, thank you sweet Jesus, I will see you at church on Sunday. Meanwhile, the Dudd confessional tells us that he's "embarrassed" by the hug goodbye. "She wanted to kiss me! And I choked!" Presumptuous much?
“ Get this, guys: Puck had fucked-up parents. Who'd've thunk it? ”
Rachel, Cory and Judd are standing in the kitchen, discussing the fact that Rachel is Puck's date for the soirée. Dudd is giving her a hard time about it, and Rachel says that she's only going to meet guys. Dudd points out that they're bike messengers. Rachel tells Dudd that Puck coerced her to go with the phrase, "Goatees galore." Dudd counters with, "Goatees. Long hair. Sideburns. And bad hygiene." Word.
Another house dinner. Is it just me, or does this cast eat together way more than the later ones? Cory starts to tell a Snorey Cory Story, but Puck cuts her off and she gives up. In a confessional, she says that she can't communicate to Puck "with words," because he doesn't listen to what other people have to say, Maybe she should try interpretive dance? To illustrate this point, we go back to the dinner table, where the house is having a spirited debate with Puck over , which I won't detail because it's so 1994. The gist of this is that Puck is unable to acknowledge anyone else's point, and lives in a world where he is right all the time. Later, after dinner, Puck is sitting in a chair while Cory clears the table, and ominously informs the house that he's going to "recede even further" and that they're only getting "Puck on six," and he's going to go up to "nine or ten." Puck on six what, is my question. Different mind-altering drugs? Fewer desperately needed doses of lithium?
Okay, when I said that I wanted to see some fine Canadian commercials, I was not anticipating that anyone would produce (much less advertise) a product called "Ring-Os." Which are, get this, fish rings.Yes, that's exactly what I want after a hard day at the office: a nice soothing plateful of fish rings.
Puck is on BART, headed for the Alameda courthouse. He tells us that he's already been to jail for drunk driving, but he couldn't sign up for drunk-driving school because he had to work. Save it for the judge, Puck! At the courthouse, we get various shots to reinforce in our brains that Puck is a lawbreaker, including one sign that says, "CRIMINAL COURT," so that even the extremely mentally challenged will be able to play along. In a revealing interview, Puck says that he's been to this particular court about nine times. And he doesn't mean the Alameda County Courthouse; he means the particular courtroom that he is seen entering. Someone tell me that Puck is just a little slow, and so he actually believed that old adage about getting one's picture in the dictionary, and is actively spearheading the movement to get his mug shot placed to "recidivist." Anyway, we learn that Puck is just there today to get a transfer to the drunk-driver program in San Francisco.
Puck goes to visit his grandma, who seems like a nice enough woman. I'm not going to say too much about her, because she's obviously atoning for her sins.
We're back in the living room, and it seems like we came into the middle of some sort of house meeting. I can't imagine another reason why everyone would be sitting around together. Puck decrees that the bottom shelf of the fridge is now to be used for his beer, and whoever has their food there now should remove it. Only the way he says it is ten thousand times more annoying. Puck warns the group that if he doesn't have space for his beer, he's going to buy three cases and just stuff them in there. Cory (Cory!) speaks up with the sensible suggestion of just cooling a few at a time, but Puck just talks right over her, miming the stuffing of beer on top of everyone's food and saying, "There's nothing I can do." And if that isn't the trait of a sociopath, I don't know what is. Cory suggests that they compromise, and Puck gets all defensive and says, "I'm asking for some space for me. For beer. I like beer." Pedro says, "You were not 'asking,' you were saying. You did not say, 'Can I have the bottom shelf?' You said, 'The bottom shelf is mine.'" But Puck ain't buyin' what Pedro's selling, and he says, "issue," in an obvious ploy to end the discussion. Maybe they should have enrolled Puck in a preschool class before the show started filming. Sure, he might struggle and feel left behind by the other three-year-olds, who have already grasped the concept that the entire world doesn't revolve around them, but I'm sure, with diligence and hard work, he could be on their level in a matter of months.
Mohammed is playing pool, and tells Puck that he won't be able to go to the soapbox gala because his father requires his presence at the club. Puck is displeased.