We begin with the usual establishing shots of San Francisco and then quickly segue into Puck talking to Cory about Valentine's Day. Puck apparently has two dates and I really don't want to know how he managed that feat. Puck tells Cory that in San Francisco Valentine's is actually known as "St. Puck's Day." Cory says, "Oh," like she believes him. Twit.
It's time for that all-important facet of everyday living: the trip to the store. How freakin' boring. Sometimes reality-based TV is mired a bit too much in actual reality. Judd, Pedro and Puck all go shopping at the Safeway in the marina. Puck spies some blue punch and gets all excited. He says that he likes blue drinks because they look like Windex. I wish he would drink some real Windex. Pedro's voice-over says that Puck is always "on" and has "no manners," because MTV must think that the viewing audience is terribly slow. Pedro is basing this conclusion on the fact that Puck blew a snot rocket on the way home. Of course, then we have to sit through footage of numerous snot rockets. Did I mention that I'm working on this during my lunch hour? Feel my pain, people. Puck tells us that he is a bike messenger, so Pedro should get used to his gross behavior. How in the world is that an excuse? I mean I don't go around burping in people's faces and justifying it by saying that I work in the staffing industry. In an interview, Pedro says that Puck is exactly the type of person he didn't want to live with. First: Word. Second: You think the producers didn't know that, Pedro?
Back at the house, Rachel is sitting in a chair eating an apple while Puck eats cereal with his hands. Puck says that he never ever uses utensils. Pedro looks on, disgusted, while Rachel giggles, because she has an idiotic crush on Puck and probably finds his behavior adorable. Thus encouraged, Puck says that he's "pushing the envelope." As if desperate measures to fulfill a pathological need for attention are in any way the same thing. So Rachel invites Puck to mass and Puck accepts, shocking everyone, although he claims it's because he loves Jesus. Which is good, because Jesus is probably the only person who could ever love him, although I imagine that Jesus would spend a fair amount of time turning the other cheek in order to get a whiff of fresh air.
While walking to church, Puck keeps tugging at his crotch and Rachel begs him not to do it at church. Personally I'd like him to stop right now -- preferably before we learn that he isn't wearing any underwear. Random shots of Rachel and Puck at church follow. In an interview, Rachel says, "The traditions that the Church upholds is really, like, the glue to keeping families like mine together." I really have to try and keep my mouth shut here. It's generally not my policy to insult other people's religions. While talking to Pam, Pedro says that the only two people in the house with whom he has "friction" are Rachel and Puck -- Rachel because her "religion tells her that [Pedro is] evil," and Puck for the obvious reasons. To prove it, we get a flashback to the first night when Pedro was showing everyone his AIDS scrapbook, and Rachel got up and left. In anconfessional Rachel actually says, "Instead of trying to get information, all it was total PC-La-di-da-di- kumbaya-how-wonderful- you-are-that-you-speak and nothing relevant was discussed." Again, how is it the house's fault that Rachel didn't bring up her concerns? So now we have established that Pedro and Rachel Have Issues. Ready to move on?
Walking home a Rachel voice-over says that "the way [Puck] looks, people assume that he's just a little punk. Then you talk to him some more and you realize that he's a genius." Oooh! Rachel liiiiikes Puuuck. Rachel and Puck sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S. Oh gross. I can't finish that thought. Rachel claims that she and Puck have so much fun together as we get a montage of the two of them trying on crazy wigs and walking around town. In the middle of that we get armchair psychologist Dudd claiming that Rachel likes, "bad boys."
At the house the phone rings, and Puck goes into the kitchen to answer it but Pedro gets to it first. Puck is then distracted by Pedro's peanut butter on the counter and grabs a taste with his finger. Pedro catches him out of the corner of his eye and asks Puck if he just stuck his finger in the peanut butter and Puck denies it. Pedro is, quite justifiably, disgusted because he saw Puck picking his nose with the same finger earlier. Then, for no reason whatsoever, we get a dramatic reenactment of the bagel-cutting process complete with slo-mo and close-ups of the peanut butter. The hell? It's like it's pastry pornography or something. They're really reaching for something interesting this week.
Night-time. Judd, Rachel, Puck and, one of his V-Day dates (Delilah) all go to a bar called the Armadillo. Rachel is sitting at the bar laughing at Judd because he's such a nice guy. Judd asks Rachel if she likes bad boys. By his tone it's obvious that he's using Rachel's misguided attraction to Puck as an excuse to think that what women really want are jerks just so he can blame women for the fact that he can't get a date, instead of looking at himself objectively and realizing that he's a whiny boor. I hate guys like that. Okay, so, some time during a conversation that the producers have declined to show us Delilah allegedly made reference to a boyfriend. Rachel brings it up and Puck immediately gets on the bandwagon and gets all pissed off at Delilah. Whatever. Obviously if Puck has two dates for Valentine's Day it's not like he was expecting any sort of commitment from Delilah. Plus, if she has a boyfriend why is she going out with Puck anyway? Whatever! I don't care. It just proves that Puck is a huge egotist. During the cab ride home, hyPuckcrite tells Judd and Rachel that he broke off his date with Delilah because she had a boyfriend. Then, at home in the kitchen, Puck says that he is "too intense" for one girl. More like "too psychotic" if you ask me. Rachel, seeing her chance, offers to take Delilah's place but Puck stops her cold and tells her that he wouldn't date a roommate. Instead of counting her blessings, Rachel tries to backpedal saying that she doesn't want to date Puck, that she's just doing it so people will think that Puck has two dates. Um, whatever, Rachel, it's obvious to everyone that you dig the attention. You might as well just admit it.
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One of the themes of this episode is that Puck stinks. A lot. So it's time for the "Puck stinks" montage. During an interview, Puck asks whether the interview can see the waves of stench emanating from him which makes me think that Puck is like a grown-up Pigpen, if Pigpen had grown up to be a psychotic anti-social bike messenger. I'll spare you a description of most of the other scenes, but I have to mention the one in which Puck is washing his hands and the water in the basin is dark brown. Dark. Brown. I don't think I've ever been that dirty in my life and I used to work as a stable hand -- a job that entails a great deal of contact with horse shit. Rachel returns to her room after using the bathroom and suggests to Cory the idea of segregated bathrooms. Cory calls out to the rest of the house to set up a house meeting.
At the meeting, Rachel brings up the idea of separate bathrooms and Puck immediately shoots it down. Rachel tries to get Pam and Cory to back her up but Pam says that it doesn't really matter to her. Rachel feels betrayed because she had previously approached Pam and Cory and thought she could count on them for support. What kind of an idiot is Rachel to think that she could count on Cory for support? I'm constantly surprised that Cory can support the weight of her own head and I've only seen forty-five minutes' worth of footage. Now it's Pedro's turn to talk, so we have to hear about the peanut butter incident again in excruciating detail. Ye gods! I'm sure it was fairly traumatic and I would be just as upset if it happened to me (especially if I had a disease that would make me more vigilant about germs) but damn, does it make for boring TV. In an interview Puck claims that Pedro "made it seem like [he is] dirty but [he's] not." Um. Puck realizes that The Real World is not a radio show and they're actually going to show him on television, right? Pedro suggests that if four or more of the housemates go out with Puck they should vote on whether or not Puck has to shower first. Huh? Does Puck stink less if he only goes out in groups of three? I don't like Puck all that much but even I have to admit that's a stupid idea.
It's Valentine's Day and Rachel and Judd are unhappy about not having dates. At a bakery, Pedro buys cookies for all of the housemates. Aw. "Oh Looocy, I'm home!" he calls out. Pedro puts the cookies in the kitchen where, wonder of wonders, Puck is actually washing his hands! Pedro wisely waits until he's finished to point out the cookies. Puck tells Pedro about Delilah, and Pedro can't believe that there's someone in the world that is too odd for Puck. I'll admit, it's a scary thought for any sane person. Everyone decides to go to a garlic restaurant called The Stinking Rose as part of a "lonely hearts club" where the super-garlicky food might just be enough to cover the stench that is Puck. Pedro was going to go on a date but instead decided to go out with his roomates. Puck seems generally intersted in Pedro's life and in an interview Pedro tell us that Puck is very open-minded because people have to be open-minded to put up with Puck. I'd be worried about being so "open-minded" that my brain might fall out if I had to deal with Puck on a regular basis.
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Now it's time for Pedro and Rachel to talk about the AIDS thing. Pedro was afraid of Rachel's reaction because she's a Catholic Republican, but Princess Rachel feels that since he's the one with the disease he should go out of his way to make her feel comfortable. Pedro felt that he was reaching out to her vis-à-vis the scrapbook, but to Rachel that seemed to be more for the benefit of everyone who was already comfortable with the situation. Rachel also feels like Pedro was avoiding her. I still think that if something is bothering her, it's her responsibility to SPEAK UP about it instead of thinking that everyone should somehow psychically divine what would be best for Rachel and then act accordingly. Everything somehow ends up resolved even though we aren't shown any of Rachel's "questions" being asked or answered. That's odd. Especially since Rachel had made such a big deal in her interviews about how she felt unsafe living with someone who had AIDS. Pedro tells Rachel that if she has any questions he will be more than happy to sit down and discuss them with her which is, I'm sure, the exact opposite of what the producers are hoping for.
Shots of everyone getting ready to go out to The Stinking Rose. I did not need to see shirtless Dudd. Thank heaven I'm practically blind in one eye. Rachel decides to give Puck a manicure ostensibly because she wants him to realize what having clean nails is like but really just so she can hang out with him and touch him, God only knows why. My God, this footage of Rachel filing Puck's nails and pushing back Puck's cuticles is just riveting. Not. In a voice-over Puck says that he's made his first step towards winning Rachel over. Everyone -- except for Mohammed who is out with his girl -- goes to eat at The Stinking Rose, which incidentally is where Wing, Glark and I all went when they were in town. I'm pretty sure they suggested it because they liked garlic and not because they were worried that I wouldn't wear deodorant. ["Yes, and as you may have read elsewhere, I'm apparently the one with the notorious body odour problem, anyway. But damn, that was some tasty food we ate." -- Wing Chun]
week Cory puts her foot in her mouth -- again.
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