It must be that time in the season where the house is really messy, and everyone complains about it, but no one actually does any cleaning. Also, each roommate is contractually obligated to give an interview explaining how he or she is not messy, and constantly cleans up, and how it's all the other roommates who are big fat slobs. All this to say that the show opens with shots of various slobbery around the house.
MJ and Landon sit in separate hot tubs. MJ asks Landon if his family is well off. Landon says that they're not, and that his dad is a teacher who works summers as a roofer. Landon interviews that his work ethic comes from his father. MJ says it sounds like Landon had to work for his money, and Landon agrees.
Willie stumbles drunkenly into his house with a big group of friends. One of them comments that the house is "a dump." Willie chows down on some Doritos and says that he lives with pigs, and that if it wasn't for him, the house would be a lot worse. I wasn't kidding with the first paragraph of this recap. Landon and MJ overhear the whole diatribe. Willie gives Shavonda a little credit for cleaning. Landon interviews that Willie should come to him with his problems instead of yelling about it when he's drunk. Willie parodies the classic show opening: "Six pigs, picked to live in a house." I think that would have been funnier if hed said "Six pigs, picked to live in a sty." Nope, it's still not funny.
The morning, Sarah is going crazy with the cleaning. Hey, they have a Dyson! I covet a Dyson. There is a ton of crap in the reservoir, which I don't get, because they don't have pets or anything. Where did all that hair come from? Forget it. I really, really don't want to know. Yikes. Sarah interviews that she can't take the filth anymore. Sarah scours every room in the house. She finishes and tells Karamo she's going to sleep.
Sarah gets into bed at 10 PM. Meanwhile, MJ and Landon are out at a bar somewhere, ordering shots. In a confessional, Landon wears a shirt that says "Wingman" as he explains that he and MJ serve as each other's wingmen. I'm not sure what that whole segment was about, except to show off that Landon has a shirt that says "Wingman," which might have been clever in about 1987.
Landon and MJ arrive home. Landon finds a container of soup and heats it up. He pulls it out of the microwave and burns himself as we see a shot of Sarah sleeping and learn that it's 3:28 AM. Landon makes really loud noises of complaint about the burn on his hand and it wakes Sarah up, although it does seem a little suspicious that the cameras happened to be right there at the moment Sarah woke up. Sarah walks out to the balcony and tells Landon that he's being too loud. Landon explains that the soup burnt him. Damn soup. It's always out to get you. Landon slurs that Willie was being loud last night, as if that has anything to do with anything. Sarah agrees with me about the irrelevance of Willie's behavior to the point at hand. Willie hears his name and yells to ask what's up. Landon says that Willie kept him up until 5:30 AM with his loud talking. Sarah asks why Landon didn't say something at the time. Landon says, "That's not me." Sarah starts bitching about how much time she spent cleaning up today, which is also not relevant. Landon says that cleaning was Sarah's choice, and that no one asked her to do it. Sarah interviews that she just wants Landon to be quiet, and that Landon is making personal attacks. MJ interviews that Landon internalizes his problems and lets them build up, which isn't the best way to handle things. Landon admits that he's trying to be an asshole, and concludes by telling Sarah to fuck off. Sarah starts crying and tells Landon never to talk to her again. Oh, the drama.
Sarah announces to Willie that she's never talking to Landon again. Willie interviews that it's wrong for a man to tell a woman to fuck off. What does sex have to do with it? I don't think it's wrong for anyone to tell anyone to fuck off, if the recipient is deserving. Willie adds that it's especially wrong since Sarah spent four hours scrubbing Landon's soap scum out of the shower stall. Landon tells MJ that Willie kept them up late talking loudly to his friends, and that it pisses Landon off. MJ says that Landon hasn't ever stood up for himself, and that he needs to do it. MJ interviews that Landon needs to let people know how he feels.
Sarah pathetically calls down to MJ and asks him to come to her room. When MJ arrives, Sarah asks why Landon is being so rude. MJ interviews that when people are upset with Landon, they come to him, and that he feels awkward because he can see both sides. So tell people you're not Landon's press agent and butt out. MJ tells Sarah that Landon feels attacked by the other roommates, not just Sarah, but that he never confronts anyone and it builds up. Sarah says that it still hurts when someone is mean to you. Willie says that if someone had told him at the time that he was being too loud, he would have quieted down. Everyone goes to bed.
Landon wakes up the day and voice-overs that he doesn't enjoy waking up and feeling like he needs to apologize. He might want to cut back on the demon alcohol, then. There's an entirely too long shot of Landon getting up and picking at his black boxer briefs. The fact that I know Landon wears black boxer briefs is too much information. Sarah tells Mel in the bathroom that Landon was being an asshole last night. Sarah interviews that Landon has to take responsibility for his feelings of rage.
The roommates head to the Northern Home for Children, where they will be building the playground. They meet up Anthony, who will be supervising the project. He gives the roommates an assignment that consists of seven questions. He wants them to have the answers in writing at their meeting. Each roommate gets a copy of the assignment.
Sarah interviews that Northern Home lets the boys earn the right to go on field trips, and apparently, they will be going roller-skating today. I hope MJ doesn't have painful flashbacks to his birthday party. Then there's like a ten-minute montage of everyone roller-skating, and for some reason, the editors do part of it in blur vision. Whatever.
It's fourteen hours until their assignment deadline. Mel realizes that she hasn't done her homework yet. Shavonda asks if they have to write it up, and suggests that they wake everyone up to get to work. Mel interviews that they are answering questions about safety and equipment. MJ and Landon wake up from their nap and decide to go into the office to work on the project.
Willie asks what's going on with the assignment, and Mel explains what she worked on. He asks if there's anything left for him to do, and Landon tells him not to worry about it. Here's what I don't get. There are seven questions. There are seven roommates. That can't be a coincidence. Why not just give each roommate a question to do, and agree that it needs to be done by, say, twelve hours before deadline? Then if someone flakes, or if his or her answer sucks, there is still time to redo it before the deadline. I guess I'm being too sensible here.
Shavonda keeps asking if she can come to the office with MJ and Landon, and man, is she annoying. Landon doesn't want her to go, because there are only two computers, and she'll distract them from getting their work done. Shavonda promises to be quiet.
Landon, MJ, Mel, and Shavonda head out to the office together. Melanie points out that Sarah, Willie, and Karamo aren't going to write anything. Mel says that she wants to be productive and help. At the office, MJ pulls out the list of questions. MJ interviews that they aren't trying to make themselves look better, or make anyone else look bad. They just want to get the work done. MJ picks out some questions, and it's twelve hours until deadline.
Back home, Sarah tells Karamo that Shavonda, MJ, and Landon went to the office to do the assignment. Karamo thinks it's bullshit that they don't get any input. Is there no phone at the office? Couldn't he call? Willie says that before they left, he asked what he could do, and Landon told him it's covered. Sarah thinks the whole thing was Landon's idea, and that MJ and Shavonda just went along. Sarah interviews that Landon doesn't trust anyone else's ability, and thinks they are all slackers. Wow, I can't imagine why he would think that when no one started worrying about this assignment until twelve hours before it was due. Karamo says that, in the meeting, they won't be able to have input.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was an episode of Oprah that aired on Thursday. Ostensibly, it was promoting the show How Clean Is Your House?, which I've watched before, so I was familiar with the two British ladies who go into disgusting houses and show a nationwide audience how filthy people can be. So Oprah had it set up for the ladies to go into this woman's apartment and clean it up. But, oh my Lord. Okay, to set it up, this lady looked like a totally average member of Oprah's audience -- well-dressed, nice jewelry, expensive haircut. But her house was...well, let me describe it. First, there was dog poop all over the place, and I do mean all over the place, including in her bed. Like tons of it. Like, weeks' worth. Plus, she had two birds who had escaped their cage and she couldn't get them back in, so they were also just freely pooping wherever the mood struck. And then there was a flat of strawberries sitting on the dining-room table. Where it had been for two years. The cleaning ladies thought it was a box of dead mice. Plus, there was the usual crap strewn all over the place, and boxes, and whatnot. In her kitchen, she had a loaf of bread that was so old it had liquefied, and a dirty pot that contained maggots. It was about at this point that I realized the woman was not just your garden-variety slob. She was clearly mentally ill in some way, and it started to be kind of sad. She had putrefying meat in her refrigerator, and the toilet was so dirty that it was black. I'm just describing the tip of the iceberg, but I have seriously never seen a filthier place, and I once visited an old bachelor farmer who owned like thirty-seven cats. So then Oprah pretty much derailed the show to tell the woman that she clearly had mental problems and needed to get serious help, and the woman was all in denial about it, and Oprah was like, "No, for real. Get help." ["Kim, you forgot the part where she had been married and divorced six times, so clearly, her problems extended to many areas of her life. And how she kept standing up and asking the audience for 'peace and blessings' and they were like hissing at her because they hated her so much." -- Wing Chun] All I can say is that if you didn't see it, you should watch for a repeat because it was awesome.
The morning, everyone gets ready to go to work. Landon tells everyone that he's leaving in five minutes, because he wants to be on time. Landon, MJ, and Mel leave on time. Shavonda and Sarah scramble out the door a few minutes later. Willie and Karamo are still getting ready.
The first group greets Laura, the Director of Community Relations. Sarah and Shavonda arrive moments later. Sarah thanks Landon for doing the work last night and says that she isn't pissed about it. Yet. Sarah interviews that Landon is out for himself in their job.
It's 9:00 AM, and Laura asks if Willie and Karamo are on their way. Willie and Karamo walk down the street. The others hold up the meeting, waiting for them. Willie and Karamo walk in at 9:05 AM without a word of apology. Laura starts the meeting and asks them to be on time in the future. She says that she's looked at the document they worked on, and that it's really great. Anthony says that he wants to go around the table and have each person explain the information that he or she researched. Willie, Karamo, and Sarah look panicked. I'm not feeling sorry for them. Yes, when Willie asked, Landon should have given him something to do. But nothing stopped them from calling the office the night before and saying, "We're really uncomfortable going into tomorrow's meeting not knowing what you wrote. Let us do something." Or even just reading over a copy of the document before the meeting started. I fail to see how this is Landon's fault, but maybe that's because, in group projects, I'm usually in Landon's position.
Anyway, they go around the table, and Sarah says that she didn't focus on any of the questions. Willie says that he also didn't spend much time on it. Sarah explains that they were told they couldn't do any questions, and that they were all covered. She fails to mention that none of them asked until twelve hours before the project was due. Willie admits that he hasn't even read it. Karamo admits the same. Sarah says that they weren't given the chance to read it. MJ explains that they left the document at the office last night, so no one saw it. Anthony implores them to work together better, without placing the blame on anyone.
Laura tells everyone to take a break. Once the bosses leave, Karamo says that he was pissed about being unprepared in the meeting. Mel throws Landon under the bus when she says that it totally wasn't her idea to exclude people. Landon finally speaks up and says that he's sick of being late for work. He also doesn't want to hold people's hands to make sure the assignment is done. Everyone starts talking at once. Landon interviews that he feels like they were attacking him for doing their work. Landon says the bottom line is that the assignment got done. Karamo argues that they were all willing and ready to work last night, and that they need to work together. Willie, who's standing up and ready to go, says that what they need to do in the future is, as soon as they get the assignment, sit and meet and divide up the responsibilities. I love how Willie just gets straight to the point, not because he cares, but because he really wants to go outside and smoke a cigarette. Maybe I'm projecting.
Landon and Shavonda take a walk. Shavonda interviews that everything people say and do affects Landon negatively. Landon says that he feels torn apart because his roommates don't like him. In a confessional, Landon says he feels alone and like he doesn't matter. Shavonda says that Sarah does love him, but that she feels that Landon doesn't respect her.
Landon goes home and talks to Sarah. He apologizes for his behavior. Sarah interviews that she accepts Landon's apology because she thinks everyone deserves a second chance. Landon says that everyone was pissed at him, so he got pissed back. In a confessional, Landon says he was trying to make everyone look good by doing the assignment. Sarah says that every job requires teamwork, and that you can't be out for yourself. Landon interviews that he needs to be more upfront about his feelings and stick up for himself. Landon and Sarah hug, and Sarah tells him to be himself. I think this show should be more like Seinfeld: no hugging and no learning.