Instead of "Previously On The Real World," this week's episode starts with "Tonight on The Real World." Except that most of the scenes that they showed were never actually shown in tonight's episode. First, Tetanus Girl shares a locket that has a picture of her dad in it, and says she is attracted to people he would have found attractive. I'm not sure if this means that he liked girls and she does too (see last episode), or that he liked boys and she does too. What she means is never made clear. Then Annoying repeats her line from last episode about what attracts her to Colin. Colin also repeats his line from last episode about how they cuddle, and that's it. So tonight's episode is obviously about Tet Girl's issues with her father, and about the relationship developing between Colin and Annoying. On with the show.
Colin, Teck, Annoying and Tet Girl are sitting around. Colin asks Teck if he thinks it's a big deal to have sex with a lot of people. Teck's reply is, "I got to shake hands, I got to have sex," which I don't understand. Does he mean that, just as he has a compulsion to shake people's hands, he also has a compulsion to have sex? Or does he mean that if he shakes someone's hand, he has to have sex with that person? Neither seems quite right, but I guess I'm trying too hard. In a confessional, Colin says that he doesn't like Teck's promiscuity is, and frankly, neither do I. I don't have any moral qualms about it -- I just think Teck is nasty. Back in the group shot, Annoying asks Colin when he lost his virginity. Colin says, "A year and..." then realizes that it sounds nerdy to know the exact date, so he rounds up to "two years." Amaya says, "See, I've got 6 years on you." So does that mean that she lost her virginity 8 years ago? She's 21, according to the first episode, so that would put her at 13. Yikes! That just seems really young to me, especially since she's supposed to be the naive one. Maybe she means that it was 6 years ago, which would put her at 15 -- still young, but a bit more likely. Regardless, she obviously just asked that question so that she could reveal that bit of information. She didn't care what Colin's answer was. In a voice-over, Annoying says that Colin's cute, but he's only 19 and she's used to a more mature relationship -- in other words, she's used to a sexual relationship. Then, apropos of nothing, Annoying says, "Because I've had sex, but making love is beautiful. It's just...beautiful." Colin looks none too impressed with this statement and he kind of rolls his eyes like, "Whatever." For once, Tet Girl doesn't speak.
, we see Annoying's bed all perfectly made up and Teck says that Annoying has a beautiful room and a beautiful bed (and I'm really sick of how much the word beautiful has been used in the past minute) but she never sleeps in it. Cut to Annoying and Colin in bed together, sleeping. Colin says in a voice-over that Annoying needs to be close to somebody, especially a guy, and "I think that's why she wants to sleep in my bed." Well, I think she wants to have sex with him, because she's needy and insecure, and it would be a boost to her ego. But that's just me. In a confessional, Teck says, "Colin is the man, the man, the man [he really said it three times] and he don't even know it. He gots [he really said gots] Amaya chasing him like a little kid chasing an ice cream truck."
Back to the bedroom, Annoying gets up and says (once again, for no apparent reason), "Oh God. Life sucks right now." In a voice-over, Teck says that he would tell her either they are having sex, or she is getting out of his bed. This explains why Teck has so many female friends who like him for who he is, and not just because he is on The Real World. Oh, that's right -- he doesn't.
In the kitchen, Colin reveals why Annoying won't kiss him -- he eats a lot of fresh garlic. He even says, "I'm a big fan of fresh garlic" and then Annoying whips out a big neon sign that says, "I need for men to find me attractive for validation," but what she actually says is, "I'm a big fan of you and garlic is a big fan of you as well." I think my sign would make a lot more sense. As far as seduction ploys go, that was weak. C'mon, "garlic is a big fan of you"? What's up with that? In a voice-over, Tet Girl says, "I think he (Colin) likes being with her and doesn't know yet if he wants to portray that." Then Tet Girl says, "What do I want that I'm not getting?" presumably referring to nutrients, but Annoying says, "Sex," and Tet Girl says, "Nope. Could've had that."
While we are all thinking, "Huh?", the scene changes to a club, where Tet Girl and Ruthie are dancing. Just when you think maybe they are going to start making out again, Tet Girl is talking to a guy named Jafari, and reports that he has asked her to the Janet Jackson concert. How very 1997. thing you know, he's going to put on some Boyz II Men.
The morning, Tet Girl tells Teck about the Janet Jackson concert. She, Colin and Teck discuss how she doesn't think she likes this guy but he seems nice enough and wouldn't try anything. In other words, she can get to go to this concert without putting out. Then she said that, for now, they are just friends, but "friends can grow on you," as if Jafari is some sort of fungus. Which, with a name like Jafari, could be the case.
, Tet Girl tells us that she was eighteen years old when her dad died. He was a bird watcher, so she watches birds too and she's starting to unconsciously -- I think she means subconsciously -- do the things he did as a way of being closer to him. The good side of my brain tells me to leave this alone, because it's got to be really hard to watch a parent die and all. The bad side of my brain wants to say mean things. So far, the good side is winning out. But for how long?
Wonder Bread shows up, wishing something exciting would happen to him so that he could be on the show for more than two minutes. He asks Tet Girl how her dad died, and she says, "He had AIDS and brain cancer" and goes on to talk about how his disease affected his brain at the end, so that he was a different person. She knows he was proud of her. Just before he died, she told him she loved him and that she would be okay. He said he hoped she would be, but he didn't know for sure. She tells Wonder Bread that it feels good to tell him about her dad, and that's weird. The bad side of my brain pops up and wonders why her father's death is all about her. Also, perhaps he had more important things to worry about on his death bed than how Tet Girl felt about things. I mean, he was dying. Maybe he was scared. Maybe he was angry. Maybe he was in pain. But then the good side of my brain tells me that people grieve in different ways, and that I should let it go.
Colin is on the phone with his ex-girlfriend, Summer. She asks if he is confused (presumably about Annoying), and he says that it's hard to be nice and not get serious. In a confessional, he says that he wants a serious girlfriend but he knows he's only going to be in Hawaii for 4 months and doesn't want to set himself up for a letdown. Back on the phone, Summer asks if Annoying knows how Colin feels and Colin says yes. Summer asks what Annoying's reaction was to Colin's feelings and Colin says he thinks Annoying wants a relationship, but she didn't say that directly so he doesn't know. I have to give Colin some credit here -- not many guys are that close to their ex-girlfriends, and it sounds like Summer is being really supportive. To me, that shows that he is a good guy.
Colin and Annoying sit on the wall to the beach. Annoying asks if they're having a frank discussion. Meanwhile, she looks like she is posing for a picture (which, ironically enough, she is since there are cameras recording the whole conversation). Colin says he likes spending time with her but he also knows that they are only there for 3 months. Annoying brings up her "camp theory" which seems to amount to "have fun while you're at camp and don't worry about what happens after". Meanwhile, she chews on a leaf in some misguided attempt to look sexy. Colin says he hates the camp theory because someone ends up getting hurt. Annoying says, "I'm a person who lets things happen" which is so untrue. She is a person who painstakingly plans how she will look in front of the camera, as evidenced by the huge amount of makeup she is wearing, including about 25 pounds of white eye shadow, as well as sitting in the most uncomfortable position possible because it might make her look cuter. Then she says she is enjoying herself immensely right now and she hopes she doesn't fall for him.
Some of the roommates are at a club, and Annoying is angry because Colin got a girl's phone number. There is a big graphic that says "Tiffany" and points to the girl. I'm confused as to why it matters what the girl's name is, but we will find out later. They leave the club and Annoying acts all bitchy to Colin, who says in a voice-over that he doesn't care if she's mad. They get home and Annoying runs into the house. Let us not forget that this is the woman who said she wanted a "mature relationship". I just hate it when girls act all mad and wait for guys to come up to them and say, "What's wrong?" and then they get to say, "Nothing" and act all bitchy some more. Be an adult and tell him if you're mad, or don't pout.
, Annoying climbs into Colin's bed (the top bunk) because apparently she's not mad enough to sleep in her own bed. Poor Justin can't help waking up as she throw pillows around, and asks her if she had a good time. She tells him that she got groped on the dance floor and Justin says, "Nobody protected you?" Let's just take a moment here to discuss that Annoying is supposed to be an adult, and shouldn't need any protection. If some guy grabbed my breasts on a dance floor, I would either knee him in the balls or at the very least, call him some very choice names and shove him away. I mean, it's not like she was in a dark alley with the guy. He's not going to be able to get away with much with that many people around, and he would probably be so embarrassed that he would back off. If she made enough of a scene, the bouncers might even kick the guy out. So, whatever. Justin says that Colin should have kicked the guy's ass and Annoying says, "Colin can't do..." something that's bleeped out, but probably "shit."
Then, despite the fact that other people in the house are trying to sleep, she yells "COLIN, don't sleep in my bed." OK, she's sleeping in his bed. Where exactly does she want him to go? Colin gives her a "What the...?" look (and rightly so), and she says, "Don't sleep in my bed if you're going to sleep in a different bed." So Colin falls asleep in this bed which is apparently in the middle of the living room, and she goes in and wakes him up and says, "Go to your bed." Instead of saying, "Make up your mind, you crazy loon!" he says, "I want to sleep out here; I like this bed" and she says, "You're such a..." and then comes back in and throws a blanket on top of him, and this whole scene was so ridiculous I wanted to throw them both in the ocean. I wish one of the other roommates would come out and say, "Hi. It's the middle of the night and I'm trying to sleep. If you two don't SHUT UP, I will kill you no matter what bed you are sleeping in. Thank you and have a nice night." But this doesn't happen.
The morning, Justin and Tet Girl are sitting in the breakfast nook and Justin once again earns my respect by saying, "Can I tell you about the absurdity that woke me up?" and proceeds to tell how Annoying was yelling and just as he was falling back to sleep, she threw a pillow on his bed and said, "Move over. I'm having issues and Colin can't deal with them." Tet Girl actually shows a bit of sense when she says that Justin should have asked Annoying, "Why don't you sleep in your own damn bed, then?" Justin goes on to say, "Now I feel like she owns our room. She just does whatever she wants. It's like Godzilla of the bunk beds." He is laughing while saying this, but it's true. God, I wish Justin was on this show more.
Later, Colin and Annoying are sitting on the wall again. Apparently, this is "their spot." Colin says, "You have my undevoted attention." Umm, I think he means "undivided," but I'll let it slide. This time. Annoying says she has to explain her behavior, and I'm dying to hear this one. She goes on to say that she doesn't deal well with sexual assault because she was almost raped in college, so when things like that happen she just shuts down and she's sorry if she made Colin uncomfortable. The good side of my brain says, "What a valid excuse. Sexual assault can be devastating." The bad side of my brain says, "Get over it. Almost all women have experienced something similar, and it doesn't make them simpering little victims. Grow a spine and admit that you were pissed that he was flirting with Tiffany." Oops, did that slip out? Colin says that he wasn't uncomfortable, but sometimes he needs space and that he didn't know what was going on with her. Annoying says she was freaking out last night and Colin reaches over and touches her face. I have to admire that, because I would've pushed her into the ocean.
Jafari picks up Tet Girl for the concert. She says he's a paramedic and that means that he cares about people. Or he just couldn't find another job. One or the other. They have front row seats to the concert, and I can't help thinking MTV had something to do with that. Afterwards, Jafari says that the concert was great. Tet Girl obviously raided Annoying's makeup kit because she is wearing a lot of white eye shadow. She talks about her dad again, and how he didn't get to help her realize who she is. Because, once again, her dad's death is all about her. Tet Girl kisses Jafari good night.
Inside, Tet Girl tells Wonder Bread how nice Jafari was, because he spent at least $100 on her. Wonder Bread is actually making a peanut butter and jelly pita sandwich, because he is so bland that he couldn't think of anything more adventurous to eat. I mean, for God's sack, you're in Hawaii. Eat a pineapple or something. Wonder Bread asks Tet Girl if she thinks Jafari is just in it to have fun, or if he is falling in love with her. Of course, Tet Girl picks the latter and then rubs herself in a really weird way that kind of creeps me out.
Out on the steps, Tet Girl is talking to Annoying and she says, "So, you're not kicking it with Colin to the point where it makes a difference?" Tet Girl has this habit of combining street talk with big words, and she ends up making no sense at all. Anyway, Annoying answers no and then actually says, "Everything is chilly willy will. I'm having fun here in Ha Vye Ee." I had to rewind the tape to make sure she really said chilly willy will.
, Colin and Annoying are lying in a hammock, and in a voice-over, Colin says he can't get close to people and let them in. Frankly, I don't think that is the problem -- I think it would be hard to trust Annoying since she obviously loves to play little mind games. Back to the hammock. I'll paraphrase their conversation:
C: I don't want to have to get jealous.
A: You already do.
C: No, I don't. Maybe a little.
A: So, you don't care that Trey's coming over here.
C: No. I just won't let you sleep in my bed anymore.
A: EEWWWW! He's just coming over to hang out.
C: No, he's not. You have a big crush on that guy.
A [in confessional]: Colin can flirt with anyone, but when I talk to a guy, it's a big controversy.
A [in hammock]: I wanted to have this talk with you to find out if I should just see other people and forget you.
C: Do what you want. I don't own you. I don't tell you what to do.
A: You're the one I want, you silly boy.
After that, I expected something else, but instead, they cut to Tet Girl getting flowers from Jafari. She can't believe that she impressed him enough to send flowers. This is a huge contrast from the first episode, where she talked about how every guy loves her because she has so much charisma. Then she says, "Losing my father definitely attributes to..I don't want to become close to people," and I think she meant to say "contributes," but that's the bad side of my brain talking again.
Tet Girl's mom calls and they have the most ridiculous conversation that doesn't make any sense, but basically her mom starts to say something and Tet Girl totally interrupts (because it's all about her) to say that she was thinking the same thing. I'm not sure how Tet Girl knows this since her poor mother barely said three words, but whatever.
At the University of Hawaii, Annoying has lunch with Trey, who is some sort of athlete. After she leaves him, she walks right by Colin, who turns to talk to her and then realizes she is dissing him. After she walks by, she kind of looks back but then keeps going. This scene was priceless. They couldn't have done it better if it was scripted. Hmmm...
It's Valentine's Day and Colin walks into the house with a flower, balloon, stuffed animal and card and arranges them on his bed for Annoying. The card says, "I know this is late, but it's never too late for gifts! Amaya! Happy Valentine's Day!" Annoying comes home and Teck tells her that she has a gift on the bed. She totally hams it up for the cameras, slowly approaching the bed as if it were full of rattlesnakes (and wouldn't that have been funny?). She reads the card and says that there's a sweet side to Colin that the roommates haven't seen. I have to say, it was a pretty sweet thing for Colin to do. Annoying doesn't deserve him.
In a voice-over, Colin says that Annoying's growing on him or maybe he's just letting her in. They walk on the beach and Annoying says she was surprised by the gift, and that he could've just gotten her a card. They banter a bit, and then he kisses her. Fade out. Aww, that was actually pretty cute. I can't believe how easily I'm manipulated by this crap.
week: Ruthie is stripping for her boss' girlfriend, and they all talk about how she's a mean drunk. I'm really looking forward to the scene where Ruthie says to Annoying, "Shut up, bitch!"
Over the end credits, they show a scene of Annoying and Colin in the confessional together, and they both have facial masks on. Annoying is talking about how she needs to get laid and Colin's all, "It's not going to be me!" Colin says he's only had sex with one person and Annoying isn't going to be number two. Annoying says she's only had sex with eleven people and Colin won't be number twelve. Then she says she regrets most of those, and if she could take some back, the number would be five. Colin says if he could take some back, he would have one. Oh, he does. I had to include that last line, because it cracked me up.