Puck's party rages on at some bar as his fiancée opens gifts and Puck bitches to us that none of the housemates showed up.
Rachel says that she's happier and that she looks better now that Puck's gone. She says that Cory's talking to him today opened up her wounds. She says that Puck was such a big part of her life, so she had a hard time "stepping outside of the situation." I wish she'd keep stepping until she got over herself. Montage of Puck and Rachel in strange positions, posed for the camera, trying to look like they've been hanging out for years. Rachel whines that Puck was practically the only person she ever hung out with. She pouts by the fish tank, saying that she's starting to get comfortable around everyone else, and that she doesn't want another roommate. She says "we," but we know what she really means.
Rachel and Judd get smashed at a bar. Rachel decides that they should go see Puck and buy him a drink. So they do. Judd goes to the bathroom. Puck and Rachel follow. All three drunks are in the bathroom. Rachel slurs to Puck that she misses him: "I don't love you, but I miss you." Yeah, we're missing all sorts of things that happened in that relationship. They aren't showing us shit. Judd tries to talk, but Puck calls him a "liquor head" and shuts him up. Rachel is practically sobbing on Puck's shoulder. Judd tries to talk, but they keep ignoring him. Rachel whines and moans, and the three of them talk at once. So drunk. So drunk. Me, not them. Rachel keeps whining, Puck keeps ignoring, and Judd fades away into total oblivion. Judd tells us that Rachel was pissed because Puck wouldn't listen to her. Rachel gets mad and Puck walks out. Judd is so drunk he starts calling Puck by his real name and asks him to stay in the bathroom to talk. Don't other people need to use the men's room? These people are such assholes. Cursing, cursing, storming off, whining. "I wanna go home!" Veruca salts.
Judd berates Rachel the entire way home, asking her what she thought would happen when she called Puck. He asks whether she thought Puck would "take [her] back." See? We don't know shit about their relationship. Rachel says Judd's name like it means "dickface." She says she can't help that she misses him. Judd says that he misses Puck, too, but that they made a decision they have to stick with. Judd tries to flirt, asking her whether she's okay. "No," Rachel moans. Commercial.
Rachel debriefs the others in the morning, including some girl named "Stephanie." Cory is hysterical, loving anything about Puck like it's an *NSYNC fanzine. Rachel is crazy pissed when she confesses that Puck calls her "Chubbs." Rachel snots to us that "nobody in [her] life" has ever called her that before, because it's insane to think that she could be thought of as a "Chubbs." Cory says that they all have abusive relationships with Puck. Stephanie twirls her hair and says it's their fault they're in that situation with Puck. She tells the weak bitches to look at themselves in the mirror. Cory and Rachel giggle, knowing that they could never like themselves. Cory puts on a stupid Blossom hat and tries to tell us that she's changed, but we know she hasn't. Stephanie says that they'll just have to see how they act the time the phone rings.
Segue straight to the phone ringing. Rachel answers. It's "The Puck," he says. He asks whether she misses him. Rachel says that she misses him sometimes. Puck says that means "yes." Rachel says it means "sometimes." He asks whether she wants to hang out with him. She says she will if he wants to meet. She asks him to guarantee that he won't yell at her. He, of course, will make no such promise. So she hauls ass over to see him.
Puck and Rachel lean on some rocks and discuss what they're going to do. He asks whether they can go see a movie. She says that a movie would be a "date thing," and that they should start doing "friend things." I hate everyone. Puck says something, and Rachel whines. She flirts, he flirts, they act like they hate each other so much they have no choice but to fuck on this fake backdrop. She's even wearing his jacket as they discuss how much they don't want to kiss each other. He calls her "Chubbers," and pinches her stomach. He's trying to make her feel unattractive so she clings to him. God, I refuse to psychoanalyze The Puck. Rachel and Puck argue about whether Rachel's fat. They don't discuss whether Puck's hideous, since that's just a fact. Rachel tells us that she was disappointed because Puck just called them lame, "jerks," and that he's doing much better without them. Then we have to watch him do all three of these things and listen to them argue and bitch at each other. I hate all the yelling. Hate. They are fighting while riding bikes, people. They're pedaling, all down this trail, hair blowing back, whining like they're seven. It's hysterical. Puck's all riding fast and Rachel's just bitching in the background, pulling out the "You're Not The Boss Of Me" card. Pitiful.
Rachel tells the housemates that she gets an "E" for effort on Puck. She's shutting him out now, she promises. She says that she regrets fucking and kissing Puck more than anything else in her twenty-two years.
Judd is two steps away from a coma as he mutters, "The day we were getting our new roommate, there was a certain energy in the air." Everyone eats breakfast and hopes that the new roommate is "nice and fun." Pedro says that Puck was fun for Rachel for a while. Point for Pedro.
An Australian girl announces over the intercom outside that she's there about the room. Judd makes skid marks running to answer the door. Her name is Jo. She's got an accent. She's from London. She looks like Ross's Emily. She's a vegetarian. Rachel says she liked Jo from "the minute she opened her mouth." Jo says she used to manage a bar and that she likes to ski. She rock-climbs. She says that girls are better at rock climbing because they have a higher tolerance for pain. Cory can't believe it, because she remembers certain hangnails that have sent her spiraling into a Sleep-In-The-Bathtub depression. Rachel likes Jo, so we have to like her. It's the law.
A man named Mark arrives to be interviewed by everyone. Pam says that Mark's a Florida frat boy. Small talk. Judd's not interested. Photogenic, clean-cut. Rachel says he's Barbie's Ken. Pam likes him. Flirting, flirting, flirting. The girls approve.
, a girl named Kris arrives. Judd wants to hump her. Rachel calls her "Barbie." Kris is about to go to Real Estate school and is currently hostessing at a restaurant. Everyone is quiet, thinking, "They have real estate schools?" There's an awkward silence and then Judd tells us that Kris has nothing to say, but that she's got nice teeth. Well, that's just fucking great. !
Pam says that Kris was holding back too much. She thinks Kris is empty-headed.
Montage of possible roommates getting their pictures taken pushes us right to sleep as the commercials take over.
The housemates flip through the Polaroids and debate the possibilities. They're all talking at the same time, so I can only understand that they think Kris and Mark should live together in Barbie's dream house. Pedro wants either Jo or Mark, but thinks that Mark would be better because he's cute. Rachel says that she's not attracted to Mark, so it doesn't matter. Judd's still holding onto Nice Teeth. Pam votes for Jo. So does Mo. So does Cory. Rachel does, too, but doesn't want to tell Mark that he's not in. They make Judd call Mark up and tell him he's not a winner. He tells Mark not to take it personally. Rachel immediately mocks Judd, saying that Judd sounded like a moron. Rachel lets some girl down gently. Judd calls up Jo. Cory hides in another room and listens. Judd slowly tells Jo that she's going to be the new roommate. They're all very happy about having Jo move in. She says she's ready to move in, and they decide she'll move in immediately. Rachel tries to talk to her, but everyone interrupts her.
Jo is still delusional and tells us that she thinks she's going to have a good time and learn things. Jo says this will be "unique."
Jo unpacks and confesses that she's not shy. She's used to being naked in front of people. She says that everyone was just getting over Puck and that she feels welcome. Pam says that she's happy there are four girls in the house, and that they outnumber them now.
Boring, boring, boring all the way to the day. Jo introduces Steve, an important person in her life. She doesn't have family, so Steve is like her family. She used to live with him in Tahoe. They're just friends. Steve shows up to take everyone rock-climbing. They all go to this beach to climb some rocks. Rachel says that she's never done this before. We watch them try to walk up some rocks. I fall asleep deeper than I ever have in my entire life.
Cory explains how hard rock-climbing is. Thanks, Cor. She whines that she hated it. Rachel pouts at the bottom of the rock. There's a dog pouting. Cory wimps out of the climb. Rachel whines that she doesn't think she can do it. She tries. Steve talks her through the climb. She tells us that she felt safe, but that she was really high up. These people are able to make rock-climbing boring. Do you know how dull you have to be to make rock-climbing dull? Rachel compares climbing to her relationship with Puck, and I have to turn off the television for a full month.
Rachel climbs another section of the rock and everyone celebrates like she just learned how to read. Rachel tells us that she impressed herself. You're so beautiful, Rachel. Rachel says that things are going to go better for her now that Jo's here and Puck's gone. Puck, Puck, Puck, Puck, Puck.
time Judd flirts in rollerblades. I know. You just have to approach it carefully. Judd's got a girlfriend. Jo's upset over some guy.
Rachel plays with Steve's dog. Everyone talks about the dog. Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog. Fascinating. Steve looks like Judd wearing an Acme Disguise Kit. Kind of like David Cross doing Ronnie Dobbs. Yeah, we're officially out of things to discuss here.