After a bizarre, not-even-trying-to-make-it-seem-integrated T-Mobile product placement, the doc bosses come to talk about the kids' documentary footage. Wes decides to let Neh do all the editing work. That's cool with Neh. Danny and Wes go to a bar, where girls drip beer on themselves standing on the bar over the guys, while Rachel and Lacey bitch about Neh's work on the documentary. Their bitching proves accurate when the doc teachers view the footage and indeed think that the footage sucks balls. But with twenty-four hours to fix it, Neh bails to go "MC" an embarrassingly tiny jam session at a club, so Rachel and Mel try to take over editing duties. Yeah, right. Neh comes home late to edit...and promptly falls asleep. He wakes up early and edits all day, but then computer problems crop up hours before a first large-ish screening. Austin Film Society. Screening. Screening. Notes. Notes. The doc people deem that the kids have "earned" their trip. Travel agents come to the warehouse to announce the trip. They're going to Costa Rica! The kids are forced to act excited. Luckily, we watching? We are not.
Austin. UT. Clock tower -- but without, you know, any crazy people shooting from the top of it. Warehouse. Paul and David, the doc dorks, come over to check out progress on the kids' footage. But first they have to give the kids a T-Mobile text message-y phone-y thing, ostensibly to contact the dorks of docs if they have any pressing issues during editing. Sure, the phone is pure product placement, but probably necessary in the housemates' case, since Lacey is always on the phone to that gimpy boyfriend of hers. Paul looks away, embarrassed at having to do a commercial. "I am a real documentarian! I am very prominent in the film community in...well...the Central Texas metroplex." Wes tries to type into the device. Please. He wouldn't know QWERTY if it jumped over his lazy white dog. (Hysterically, it just took me a half a second to figure out how to spell QWERTY.) Danny broken-face-overs that they're nervous because soon the Austin Film Society is going to be checking out their footage, so this visit is to get ready for that.
They all sit down, and Paul asks what they think is the best stuff they filmed. Mel thinks it's the campsite banjo nonsense with Hellogoodbye, and we get a flashback of it. Mel says that the band opened up to them, and then camera-whores that she thinks it's a good, touching moment and that the banjo song is a good song. Not really, but you know...nice boobs. Neh puts forth the proposition that the Enon interview in the parking garage wasn't somehow the most boring interview of all time. We see a flashback clip of the most boring interview of all time. Wes says that his favorite bit is when Halifax was singing and the lead dude sweated down on him and you could see a line of sweat on the lens and Wes is so gay. "It's sick," he says. Yes, it is. Paul says that they should pick someone to spearhead cutting down their twenty-five hours of material into fifteen minutes. Rachel then camera-flabs what we know times a billion: their trip depends on this documentary being done and goodish. She thinks that'll mean they'll "deserve" a little vacation. All they deserve is a swift kick in the balls. And yes, I'm including Rachel in that as well. Especially. Paul tells them to have their shit done in a week.
Neh camera-hallucinates that he thinks some of these people are going to be in a position to help him in his career. Ha. Well, sure. If he wants to make country music documentaries or, maybe, I don't know, join the Austin Film Society. Wes camera-ghosts the same thing about Neh, concluding that he's going to let that pressure on Neh's career help him sleep at night. Ha. We see Wes asleep on the Giant Round Bed of Gay while Neh edits.
Editing room. Neh shows Wes and Lacey the stuff he's cut. Lacey can't stop herself from injecting some drama, so she suggests to Neh that Danny may be mad because he wanted to cut the Hellogoodbye stuff since he shot it. Wes stands up for his man, saying that Danny can "want" to do it all he wants, but that Danny's a shitty editor and that it'll look like crap. Wes goes on to tell us that his only duty during the editing process is going to be to come in and fill people's drinks or say "hi," and that the only time he's going to even go into the room is if he's bringing a girl in there. So, in other words, he'll never go in there.
Kitchen. Mel is cooking some whore casserole or something as Wes babbles to her that Neh's cut is "genius." We see he's playing pool with Neh, and Mel finally says that she's not going to do any editing then, but rather to go out every night, and Wes says that it's what he's going to do as well, and everyone laughs but I'm not sure why. Maybe they're watching Extras or My Name Is Earl on TV or something.
Crap Bar They Always Go To That I'm Not Going To Give An Extra Plug To. Wes and Danny stand under the bar as two ugly girls with nice bodies dance on top of the bar and pour beer down themselves onto the boys. WTF? Danny better be careful he doesn't get accidentally kicked in the head by one of the drunk-ass girls. His whole skull would cave in like a week-old jack o' lantern.
Night. Austin. Taxi. Lacey and Rachel take a cab home. Lacey bitches to Rachel about their doc. Uh, isn't Rachel supposed to hate Lacey and her giant face from her shit-talking last week? Or just from, you know, Lacey sucking in a general way? Lacey says that the doc has no talking in it now, and that it's just three songs with images; there's no story. They babble back and forth about how Paul is going to hate it and how they might not get to go on their trip because while the "videos" are good, the doc is now just music videos. I said that already, right? Well, it's because Rachel and Lacey have now said it nineteen times in this scene. Rachel fat-overs that she wants to go on the trip, and then she tells Lacey that she's totally stressed out about this now, and Lacey apologizes. Ha. Apologizing for doing her favorite thing in the world: making other people anxious with her words. Rachel rubs her hand all over her big ol' Jim Carrey rubber face, and we limp to commercials.
Water-skier. Swan. Editing room. Doc dorks Paul, David, the mannish Jen, and Paul's "writing colleague" Sherry, come to watch the footage the day before they have to screen it for the Austin Whatever Whatever. Paul asks how long it is. Neh tells him. Paul is surprised that they already have it cut down to "time." Neh hits play. They watch. Music. Music. Wow, MTV really must have a lot invested in these three bands, because we hear the shit out of them. While the doc dorks watch, grimacing, Lacey camera-chins that she thinks the doc dorks were frustrated watching because Neh's cut has "absolutely no substance." No, that's a good, constructive criticism. Very helpful. Lacey says it's fifteen minutes of "nothing" -- going on to say that it could have been "fifteen minutes of anything, and it would have been better." Okay. Okay. You're funny and snarky. We get it. The doc ends.
Paul and crew start critiquing, saying that the "characters" are gone, and that what they have now is just music videos. OMG, Rachel and Lacey were right! They go on piling comment after comment about structure and too much music and no storylines, and then Paul tells them they need to work on this pretty much nonstop for the twenty-four hours, until the 5 PM screening the day. Mel camera-boobs that she thinks Paul and the dorks of docs have very low expectations for the project now. Now and always. They leave, quickly trying to get away from the oppressive odor of suckage.
Austin. Bridge. Bats. Bats. Bats. Warehouse. Neh asks Johanna if she wants to come out with him, but she turns him down. Neh reveals to us that he's going to the unfortunately named club Velvet Spade because his friend is having a little jam session with his band there and he's been asked to be a "guest MC." As Rachel (Leigh) cooks, she camera-whines that they have twenty-four hours and yet Neh is going out for the night and that maybe at this point he's not the best person to rely on to fix their shitty, shitty project. We see Neh walking to the "jam session."
So Rachel and Mel decide to try to ruin...I mean, "edit" the film while Neh is gone. We get some intercutting between Neh on stage doing some terrible freestyle while Mel and Rachel do some terrible editing. Neh then smiles proudly and gives to us a very thorough musicology-based lesson in what freestyle is: "All the stuff that I'm saying, is, like, improvised. It's like, none of it is written. I just go up there and say what's on the top of my mind in the heat of the moment. I don't know, it's crazy. When I'm up there, I just transform." It's so true. He does. I barely recognized him up there -- his gap teeth, his big, stupid necklace. The genius thing is no one is there, so clearly at some point MTV runs out and wrangles about ten people to run in all at once and start dancing around the stage as Neh yells, his rhyme scheme looser and more chaotic than Courtney's Love's vagina.
Warehouse. Phone room. Lacey is on the phone to Ryan. As Ryan inserts the gun into his mouth, Lacey bitches about the doc and how Neh just "threw" it together and it was "horrible." She goes on that Paul gave them a list of stuff to do to the doc ("#1: Hit Erase"), but Neh is gone, so Mel and Rachel are in there trying to fix it but they don't know how. She camera-chins that Neh needs to put more care into this because it's what he loves. She goes on to make a brilliantly retarded analogy, saying that if their task was a haircut, that's what she loves, so she wouldn't wait and just "chop up something" at the last minute. Lacey bitches on to the Unluckiest Boyfriend Ever, snorting that if Neh is "Mr. Film Student," he should be able to fix this, but he's not doing it, so they might not be able to go on their trip.
Isn't it heartwarming how the roommates all came to support Neh and see him perform, no matter how crappy? Oh, that's right, they didn't.
It's 1:15 AM when Neh comes home, hyped up from ruining rap. The Graphics of Stupid tell us they only have "15 hours 45 minutes until the screening." The graphics will continue the countdown in a totally failed attempt to create drama, but I'm not going to mention it again because it makes me sad. Fish. Fish. Big Tex. Neh kisses Lacey. Ooh, if he knew the shit she talked. Then he kisses Johanna, who is reading in bed (I see she was busy with much more important stuff than coming to see him perform). He tells her he had a great time but came home to do some editing. He freestyles to us, telling us that the project will be done because that's just who he is. "I will stay up as long as it takes to get this project done," he says.
CUT TO: Giant Round Bed of Gay. Neh snores, asleep, lying to Danny and a shirtless, snoring Wes. Lacey camera-talks, really fucking pissing me off, bitching about Neh's work on the doc under the guise of saying that she thinks he's "selling himself short" and not taking advantage of this opportunity in the field he wants to go into. More snoring boys.
Morning. Cactus. Cows. Rooster. Warehouse. It's just past 6 AM, and Neh explains to us that he's getting up early to "restart" the whole project. Danny comes into the bathroom as Neh is showering, marveling that Neh didn't get much sleep. Neh says it's not about sleep, but about "a finished project." Neh camera-talks that he wants to make the doc "viewable for a large audience." Well, technically it will be. It just won't be enjoyable for that audience. Then Neh cracks funny: "I don't fail anything. Except for math twice." Ha. Take that, Wes. Ya hack.
Editing. Editing. Neh works. He tells us he's used to pressure and isn't worried that the trip will be sacrificed. Now Wes watches. Time passes. Neh tells us he's been partying a lot, but that when it's time to work, he works. Please tell Wes to put a shirt on. Someone. Anyone.
Shots of a crane.
3 PM. Two hours before the screening, Rachel is trying to output the now-finished doc and the computer is fucking up. She wakes Neh up. He can't fix it. They talk about technical jargon and Lacey comes in and Rachel says the computer is "being silly." Lacey camera-talks that she has to dub this twenty-minute movie twice, so basically, she's screwed, displaying a remarkable ability to make even computer problems somehow about her. Neh ominously flips through the computer manual as Rachel tries to tell us that this is a huge deal and that their trip is at risk...and we slink of to commercials, ashamed for watching and/or being this program.
It's 3:30 PM, we are told. Wow, this is like 24, only boring and with fewer alcoholic Canadians. Lacey is at the computer. She tells us she's frustrated that she "can't get it to output." That's what she said in bed with Ryan. Zing! Lacey then disses Neh, calling him by the unwieldy nickname "Mr. I Went To Film School And I'm Going To Brag About It" -- she's mad at him because he leaves her to let her deal with the technical issue. C'mon, that's what "talent" is supposed to do. They do their thing and then leave it to the techies to figure out the boring nitty gritty stuff. And c'mon, Lacey is totally a techy. Always wearing weird clothes. Bad skin. Virgin. Actually, I'm pretty sure she worked backstage when I did Carousel in high school. Rachel goes on -- and we see clips of this -- that Danny and Mel are making out in bed, and Wes is asleep. Lacey uses the conveniently-on-hand T-Mobile Whatever to call "David" to come help with the computer; he agrees to come over. Lacey and Johanna continue to fuck with the computer, getting no results.
Austin. Austin. Building. Clock tower. Clock tower. Warehouse. Doc dork David arrives to triumphant music. All the kids are around now, including Danny, hopefully having washed his hands. And face. And toes. David hits a button and fixes everything. Rachel calls him a "big jerky-pants." Hey now! Language! Did you get that mouth in the Army? Lacey camera-brooches that David did the same thing she'd been trying, and of course, for him, it worked.
Mel and her boobs get into a cab along with most of the other kids, heading over to the screening place. Mel camera-nips that she's nervous because they're going to be getting critiqued by film "professionals." They arrive at what looks like a temporary portable trailer and are greeted by some of the Austin Film Society folk. One of them says that their having stayed up all night working on the project is the first mark of a serious filmmaker. The second is a coke habit. The third is having sex with your assistant. The fourth is crashing and burning on your second film and ending up working for the Austin Film Society in a tiny trailer outside of Waco.
Warehouse. Rachel and Lacey finish outputting the tapes. They get into a cab. Rachel voice-overs that they're leaving late and that it's unprofessional to make people wait and "tense" music plays...and they make it to the screening on time.
Screening trailer. Neh talks to Paul. He camera-talks that he's not nervous, and that this is the first time he gets to see his "work" on a big screen. The lights go out, and someone "jokes" that the first screening is always the worst.
Screening. "A Work in Progress," the doc is subtitled. No kidding. As the screening happens, Neh voice-overs that he's not watching the doc, but the reactions of everyone else. Yeah, that's not annoying at all. Boring doc. Boring doc. Boring doc. Boring doc. Same bands. Same songs. Hellogoodbye guy makes a "joke." The doc ends. People clap listlessly. The kids awkwardly stand in front as the feedback starts. Someone makes a comment about the "main character" of the piece being SXSW, and how that shouldn't be the case. Someone else says that the piece lacks structure. Lacey somehow interprets this to be "nice feedback," telling us, as others continue to give comments, that people are being complimentary and giving really helpful feedback and that no one is looking at them like, "you stupid idiots." Well, except for me. And everyone else watching the show who isn't asleep. Neh asks how they should work on fixing character development. Paul gives a terrible and incomplete answer. The session ends awkwardly and everyone claps awkwardly and things are awkward. Somehow the kids feel that everything went quite well.
Night. Freeway. Day. Warehouse. Doc dork David is at the house talking with the kids about how to incorporate the notes, and what their plan of action is. Mel thinks they need to find a storyline. Neh says there's a lot they need to add, but that it doesn't need anything drastic. Lacey is forced to tell us that she's feeling positive about the growth of the piece and that they think they've earned their trip. David gets on the T-Mobile Whatever and calls Paul, who announces they've earned their trip, but won't tell them where they're going. "What?! What?!" shouts Lacey into the phonething. That girl is going to be one crazy-looking old lady. At least she won't have to change her wardrobe at all -- she already dresses like my Great Aunt Louise. David announces that, at 7 PM, "they'll be visited by..." The Ghost of Christmas Past? Oh, no -- some travel agents, arriving with another MTV commercial. Someone laughs that they're going to go to sleep until then. Me too.
Zzzzzz.
Night. Two people from "STA Travel" arrive with backpacks for all the kids. The kids open the backpacks. They're going to Costa Rica. Ooh. Wow? They all act excited. Neh says that Costa Rica has great beaches and women. Lacey can't not talk, so she reads a travel brochure aloud from the backpack. Some interviews of forced excitement occur. They announce that the kids can only take what they can fit in those backpacks. People pack. More fake excitement. It's so hard to find good footage of the kids looking happy about this shitty trip that they're forced to use the same clip of Wes reacting to the news twice.
On the ... Costa Rica. Water. Rip line. Surfing. Lacey complains about wiping out. Mel and Danny fight at a bar. Ah. Good to see that Mel and Danny are really taking advantage of this vacation and doing totally different stuff than they would be doing back home. Hey, maybe someone will cave in Danny's face in a bar fight here, too!