Nobody Loves Brian...

S01E06

Across from them, Michael accuses Brian of hitting on David. Brian tries to blame the drugs, then says that he was just testing Dave, to see if he would drop Mike if given the opportunity. Thoughtful. Mike says that Brian's jealous because someone finally thinks that Mike's hot and Brian isn't; Brian replies that Mike is hot, and he's been trying to tell him that since they were kids. And then he kisses Mike, full on the lips, ten feet away from Dave. Dave pouts to Melanie, "So I guess I just keep [Michael] company while [he] waits." Melanie chokes on her water. She thought David was with Brian! It was okay to be rude to a complete stranger if it meant screwing over Brian! Dave tells her not to worry about it. Melanie backpedals that Brian and Michael are just friends. Yeah, right. Dave's still looking sour: "Really. It's not like I didn't know." As compensation, Melanie offers him a shrimp ball. Snerk. Melanie slinks away, stopping once to turn around and mouth the word "Fuck," behind Dave's back. Nice job. Across the room, Brian smirks at Dr. SoNotGay, while Michael stands by, dumb and happy.

Emmett finds Debbie looking at a painting at the top of the stairwell, of men in leather jockstraps, standing in a circle-jerk. Debbie says that she's always admired creative people, and Emmett replies, gesturing to her outfit, that she's pretty creative herself. I guess that's one word for it. Debbie says she's not creative, but Michael has a gift: "When it comes to taking care of people -- knowing what you need even before you do -- he's a fucking Picasso." Awww. Emmett kisses her on the cheek, she's so sweet. They go back into the gallery.

And Mrs. Jennifer Taylor enters the building. The Circle-Jerk is the first painting she sees, and it nearly sends her tumbling back down the stairs. But she rallies, and enters the gallery.

Ted and Roger take a look at the Faux-Mapplethorpe picture of mostly naked men, artistic and artfully posed. They say things like, "The photographer has a great eye," "Strong composition," and the like, because they can't handle how horny they're getting.

Meanwhile, Justin is trying to throw his mother bodily out of the gallery. Grow up. Jenny's not going anywhere. She says that she's kept her side of the bargain, and she just wants to see his work. She promises to not embarrass him, and her first opportunity is striding up, as Brian's Lesbians approach, Lindsay holding the baby. They introduce themselves, and Lindsay tells Jennifer that Justin is very talented (we know), and she should be proud of him. Jennifer says that she is proud of him, and Justin grins, pleased despite himself. Jennifer says that Gus is a beautiful baby, and Melanie tells her that Justin is the one who named him. "Really?" Jennifer says, "That was his teddy bear's name." Teenage Mortification, eleven o'clock. Brian's Lesbians think it's sweet, but Justin's about to melt to the floor and die. Oops. Jenny tries to recover by asking Lindsay if she's Gus's mother. Melanie frowns into her wine glass. Ouch. Lindsay replies that she is Gus's mother, but she and Melanie are raising him together. Melanie smiles and wraps her arms around Lindsay and the baby. Jennifer stammers, "Well, that's wonderful. I've never met lesbian mothers before! I mean, I read about you...uh, them, in the papers all the time." Hey, it's a start. Melanie laughs, nicely, and replies, "Seems like there's always some judge in Alabama trying to take our kids away." Lindsay smiles, "That's why I married a lawyer." I guess there's a deficit of lesbian lawyers in Pittsburgh. Lindsay encourages Jennifer to go and see Justin's work, and Justin, resigned, points her in the right direction. Melanie nicely pats Justin on the shoulder: "She came. That's huge."