No Bris, No Shirts, No Service

Okay, what is Beau Bridges dong on this show? Is he trying to tell us something? What the hell is going on here? At any rate, Mr. Bridges informs us that previously on QaF, "Brian, who's had everyone he's ever wanted, got more than he bargained for when he ran into Justin outside Babylon, the hot gay club on Pittsburgh's strip." Picture Garrison Keillor reporting this, and you've got it about right. Okay: "They are just about to hook up when their session is interrupted by the birth of Brian's sperm-donated son by his ex-girlfriend Lindsay, and her acid-tongued female partner, Melanie." I was in too much shock the first time I watched it, and the second time, I couldn't stop laughing! "Session"? "Hot gay club on Pittsburgh's strip"? "ACID-TONGUED"? BWAHAHAHA!!! "Brian now finds himself saddled with two problems -- his genetic one, and Justin, who will do anything to get back with Brian." Is he talking about the baby or the fact that Brian's a complete ass? Beau also informs us that Michael got set up with a girl at work, while Justin finds "what Lindsay and Melanie already know -- that Brian's heart is the one thing that he's missing." Did anyone watch the show before they wrote this? ISSUES! No time. Sigh. Let's move on.

Hot Dancing Gay Boys! They're Hot! They're Dancing! They're Gay Boys! Man, I just love that opening.

Lindsay and Melanie's house. Guests -- mostly gay and lesbian couples -- arrive for brunch, Michael voice-overs that it "was really nice -- the smell of bread and flowers everywhere -- not like going to my friend's house, with the smell of dirty laundry and porno tapes everywhere you look." Melanie seems really happy to see Mike. And later on, she seems really happy to see Emmett and Ted, too. Don't know what that is, but it's scaring me. Mike kisses Gus on the way in the door and looks wistfully at the two women. "For a moment I wished that I, too, could be a lesbian. Then I remembered I'd have to eat pussy, so I said forget it." So much for the warm, fuzzy moment. Michael greets various lesbians -- most of which, I'm really sorry, look like men and confuse me -- as he walks through the living room, and continues to voice-over, "Men and women are different from each other, and it doesn't have anything to do with gay or straight. The way I see it -- women know how to commit to each other. Men don't. At least, not the men I know." The Gay Men/Straight Girl World Coalition nods sadly. Tell us something we don't already know.

Michael finds Emmett and Ted. Emmett is wearing...something that's hurting my eyes. I found my glasses last week after being blinded by Debbie's outfit, and I put them on. Oh, yes, it's a rainbow plaid blazer over a white shirt with a butterfly collar. Emmett's obviously taken classes at the Carrie Bradshaw School of Inappropriate Fashion recently. Emmett is accompanied by a young, thin Japanese man, wearing all black. Ted is dressed like a normal human being. Michael voice-overs that he's jumping ahead: "Let's go back an hour."