Help Me Help You

S11E11

The show begins right after the last runway show. They are reorganizing the teams. This time though they will be working as individuals, which makes everyone happy. Maybe this will be the challenge where no one helps Layana. Except, Heidi explains that they will be getting outside helpers. They won't hear about who their helpers are until the day.

The day, they go to the Hearst Building. Nina and Tim meet the designers there. Nina tells them that they will be creating an editorial look for a celebrity to wear in Marie Claire. Jordana Brewster will wear the winning look. I honestly was asking someone the other day if she was still alive. So this is a great challenge. Super relevant. It's not red carpet that Nina wants to see. It has to be bold and editorial and NO pants and t-shirts.

Everyone seems really inspired. Michelle talks a lot of shit about the guys, because she's so super cool and she just is and that's all there is too it. Woe, to be as full of clueless confidence. Portland, you are lucky to have such a brave little troll.

At the workroom, Tim introduces the assistants. They are the eliminated designers. No one seems to want to want to work with Richard. Stanley picks Tu, which surprises Tu. Michelle chooses Amanda. Daniel chooses Samantha. Layana chooses Kate, which leaves Richard with Patricia. She is not happy. Poor Richard. How about adding insult to injury?

Everyone gets to work and it seems like Patricia is the only one who is unhappy with their team, which is sad. Patricia feels like she needs to change her look to fit with Richard's lack of expertise. Kate points out that Stanley is being really rude to Tu, a man who has already been eliminated yet is still working hard to make him win. Layana is wearing another hat. She looks like Henry Fonda in On Golden Pond.

Richard can't really help Patricia at all. He doesn't really know how to sew. The models come in for their fittings and things go fairly well. Stanley slams Michelle for always making looks that are green, which I had never really considered. Meanwhile, everyone slams Stanley for being such an ungracious slave driver to Tu. At the last minute, Daniel sends Samantha to help Patricia.

Jordana Brewster is the guest judge. She is very pretty. On the runway, Michelle's look is just OK. Daniel's is very structured and him and Layana totally makes a face at it when it comes on the runway. Whatever. I'm done. Patricia's is nice but she feels like she made a huge compromise with the construction. Layana is very happy with hers but I think it looks pretty bad.

Patricia gets a lot of grief from the judges. They are mixed on Daniel's look. Stanley gets praise. They also like Layana's look a lot. They don't think that Michelle's look is special enough for an editorial, especially since it is pants and a t-shirt… which Nina was specifically against. Stanley wins. Layana is in. Daniel is in. That means that Michelle and Patricia are in the bottom. Patricia is...in! Michelle gets a "do or die" moment. They send her home but she gets another shot. We don't hear about what her shot entails, but YAY!

Previously: This season continued to rot in hell. Patricia and Richard had a really hard time working together. Neither their aesthetics nor their communication styles matched. The challenge was to create a textile and ready-to-wear and high art looks. Stanley won the challenge and Richard was sent home.

Tim meets the designers in the green room after the challenge. He tells them that he and Heidi want to see the designers back at the runway in 15 minutes. Layana, who seems to have dried her tears after her absolutely ridiculous display in the last episode, congratulates Michelle and Stanley in her baby voice as they make their way back to the runway. Are we going to ignore what happened? I've also been thinking about the look that Patricia was giving to Daniel as Layana was crying and being cradled by Michelle. It was kind of hard to read but it meant something. Was she agreeing with Layana or looking at Daniel like "I can't believe we have to put up with this bullshit." I really hope it was the latter. I'm just saying, it haunts me. Layana interviews that it feels amazing to be in the top 5.

Heidi and Tim make their way onto the stage. Tim confirms what we already gathered, they are rejiggering the groups again. Heidi says that they feel like it's time to let the peeps design on their own. Michelle says that she has always designed whatever she wanted anyway. She knows it may sound stubborn but it works for her. Ugh. There's just something so pedestrian about her that is magnified exponentially every time she talks like she's some sort of genius. Stanley is excited that there is a challenge where he gets to be totally himself. Heidi reminds them that this season is about working in teams. She says that they will have helpers who will work under them. That means, says Tim, that they will need to utilize all of the communication skills they have "learned" this season. Oh Tim, you glass half-fuller. These people have learned nothing.

Heidi says that they will meet their helpers in the morning, after they go on a little field trip with Tim to find out more about the challenge. Cut to the morning, the designers are at the Hearst Building. If I'm correct, I think an urban planner friend of mine told me that the Hearst Building is the first certified green skyscraper in New York. Anyway, Michelle thinks it's very beautiful. Patricia says that she is just breathing it in and trying to soak up the creative thought that went into making such a place.

By Jeff Long

Tim leads them to a place where Nina Garcia is standing. I wonder if that's how she does all of her work. She just stands in one place while a procession of sweaty, nervous assistants runs work past her. Nina greets them and reminds them that, not only does Marie Claire present the best in fashion, they also show a lot of celebrities wearing pretty clothes. So, with that in mind, she wants the designers to create a fashion-forward editorial look for a celebrity piece that is going to be in the magazine. The winning look will be worn by the "beautiful and talented" Jordana Brewster. One of those things does not belong. She is pretty. Talented? In what field? Have you seen Dallas? She makes Priscilla Presley look like Kate Nelligan in Prince of Tides. I guess, in order for that to work, you need to know that I'm a huge fan of Kate Nelligan in Prince of Tides. Let it be known. I really love that movie. I don't even mind the fact that Barbra Streisand's nails have like third billing in a film with a cast featuring at least four Oscar nominees. Daniel says that he is excited because Jordana Brewster is a really "cool" actress. Now, I hate to call bullshit on the man, and he is from Texas so maybe he has seen her on TV, but I just don't believe that he knew who she was when Nina first started talking. Stanley drops two of Jordana's credits Fast and the Furious and Dallas and I just really don't believe that he has seen either one. Why am I qualifying Jordana Brewster's fame so rigorously? I'm sure she's lovely. Didn't she go to Princeton or something? It doesn't matter. Live your life, Jordana.

Nina gives a few guidelines for the challenge. It's supposed to be an editorial so that means no red carpet looks, no gowns and no t-shirts and pants. But, seriously, who would make a t-shirt and pants? Nina says that the look needs to have a boldness in its color, print, silhouette, etc. Bold everywhere, because that is what an editor will want to photograph. Tim sums it up by saying they should be designing what is and not what is right now. Patricia says that she wants to win this very badly. Tim says that they will have one day for the challenge, a $250 budget and thirty minutes to sketch. Nina stresses that they should do their best work. She doesn't want them to disappoint her or embarrass her.

The designers sketch inside of the building. Layana is inspired by the geometric shapes of the building. They head over to Mood and everyone scampers around unfettered by team crap. Daniel decides to create a jacket and shorts in a sunflower-colored fabric. Michelle, naturally, decides to make fun of him in an interview about how she's sure he'll make some sort of jacket. She also chooses to crack on Stanley and says that he'll make something that some other designer made in the '50s. Is that the way we feel about Stanley? I feel like there are a lot of classic elements to his designs, but I would never peg him as committed to the '50s aesthetic. Of course, Michelle seems more interested in hearing her own fucking mouth run than making a salient point, so it's no surprise that she doesn't make any sense. She tells us that her plan is to make some pleated linen pants and a bitchin' t-shirt. Now, didn't Nina just say that she shouldn't make pants and a t-shirt? I'm sure she did. She actually did. Michelle says that she would want to wear this if she were dressing for the summer. That's perfect. She just explained it. She doesn't listen to anyone and does exactly what she wants. Sure, like she said, it has worked for her so far. But, settle in dear readers, we're about to see it bite her in the ass. Patricia is feeling pressure to prove herself. Michelle says- Wait. Why do we have to hear her opinion on everything? Is she just the one most eager to talk? Is she really the most eloquent? I'm not interested in her point-of-view about the world anymore. Anyway, she says that Patricia's look will look like crap until the last minute, at which point she will pull it together. At least she is being a little more generous to her.

Back at the workroom, Tim says it's time to meet the sewing helpers. And, just as you guessed, the last five eliminated designers walk into the workroom. Michelle says that Amanda is the only person she would want to work with and she really doesn't want to work with that Richard. Layana, Daniel and Patricia also say that they don't want to work with Richard. Stanley gets to choose first because he was the winner of the last challenge and he chooses Tu. Michelle is surprised because she thought everything Tu made was crappy. Stanley interviews that Tu was the best sewer of the bunch and that's just not true. He said himself that he wasn't a great sewer. But, Stanley has a jacket in the works and thinks that Tu will be great for that. Then, Tim pulls out the button bag and Michelle kvetches. She thinks that she is going to be chosen last. Alas, he chooses her first and she chooses Amanda. She is very happy. Daniel is chosen and picks Samantha. Patricia is sweating because she's too tired to work with Richard again, but it looks like she's going to have to suck it up. Layana picks Kate and Patricia and Richard are working again. Michelle says that she feels sorry for both of them because neither of them had a good time working together.

Tim tells the designers that it is up to them to distribute the work inside of their team. He adds that it is a chance for Richard and Patricia to heal. That's hopeful. I like that idea. They get to work and the designers describe their ideas to their helpers. Patricia is really devastated to be working with Richard again. I feel bad for him, but I get her pain. She thought she was going to have some support and it's not really like that. From the get-go, you can tell that Richard is going to need a lot of hand holding to really be able to help. Nobody has time for that. Richard says that being Patricia's assistant is like salt on the wound of his elimination. Layana is thrilled to have Kate around, because it's someone else to do all of the work for her. Tu is freaking out about working with Stanley because he is so rigid and precise. Daniel is also happy to be working with Samantha.

Layana's design is very complicated and requires pulling metal rings apart. She says that it hurts her hands, but she's going to push through the pain. Patricia isn't sure how much she should trust Richard with and it's sad to watch. Stanley is embarrassing Tu with his bossiness. Kate, who despite her young age seems to have a solid idea of what she expects from the people around her, says that Stanley should be thankful that Tu is there to help him. I agree. Kate may actually just be defensive because of her young age, but I actually agree with her, especially the part that time when she said that Layana and Michelle were bitches. Michelle says to Amanda and Kate that she feels like the relationships aren't very warm here. Kate agrees and says that it seems like everybody is at the cracking point. In the break room, we see Richard sitting and telling Samantha that he is waiting for Patricia to direct him, because he doesn't want to get blamed for something going wrong. Kate tells Patricia that she hopes that she makes it to Fashion Week.

By Jeff Long

Tim checks in and starts with Michelle. Tim is concerned about Michelle making a bra to go under her transparent shirt, but Michelle doesn't seem that bothered. Stanley brings up the fact that Nina told them not to make a t-shirt and pants and that is what Michelle made. He is concerned about the fact that Daniel's look is all in linen. His model can't sit once she has put it on. Tim commends Stanley for being ambitious. Daniel says that Stanley's culottes are amazing. Well then. I used to have a visceral reaction when I saw culottes as a child. I just really hated them. I think I've moved on. I guess it could all come back. We'll see. Tim thinks that Layana's look is going in an interesting direction, but Patricia interviews that she feels like the leather is too hard.

The models come in for their fittings. The abs on Layana's model! Wow, she looks amazing. Patricia doesn't have a lot ready for her model and what she has is ill-fitting. She says that she feels like she has been swallowed by bad luck. Two of the models quietly discuss that they are not into Daniel's look. Ha! We haven't seen much life from the hangers this season. Stanley thinks that it looks like a costume for a children's show. Layana is concerned about he fit of her top, because it cannot be tailored. Kate says that it is her favorite look in the workroom. We have a moment where Tu catwalks the room and it's pretty amazing.

After the models leave, Stanley interviews that Michelle uses green too often. I hadn't even noticed that. He says she probably would have used green for the prom challenge but there wasn't green duct tape. Everybody rushes towards the end of the day because they have so much to do. Michelle believes that she is fucking Paula Poundstone and says that Daniel has taken his look all the way to Sesame Street. He can show you how to get there. In his jacket. Please tip your waitresses.

Patricia is still having to adapt her design. Her excuse would be that she cannot do as much because she doesn't have support, but Richard points out that she did the same thing in the last challenge. She is really in despair though.

The morning, Stanley says that he thinks Patricia may be going home for this challenge. They think that one of them will be in Marie Claire. Meanwhile, the girls think that Daniel is going home and Michelle clucks like a chicken and has plenty of shit to say about him. Seriously, reunion show? Please happen. You KNOW that Daniel would call her out for being impolite. Patricia tells the girls that she still has a lot to do. That said, she has changed her design so much that even she doesn't get it now.

At the workroom, Tim gives them his good vibes. Stanley yells at Tu about a mistake he made and Michelle makes the very bold statement that Stanley isn't very nice. Heh. Do you think she thinks that people wouldn't be offended by all of the things that she has said about them? Hair and make-up happens. April showers bring hot make-up daddy Scott Patric's giggle box out. He interprets Daniel's instructions as "Bronzilla" and there are laughs all around. Tu is getting a little pissed because Stanley is acting like he's not working or something. Layana thinks that Michelle is her greatest competition. Daniel sends Samantha to help Patricia, which seems really sweet to me.

By Jeff Long

Tim calls the designers down. Michelle says that Stanley's outfit is old-fashioned (it isn't) and ugly (she should talk). Whatever. Heidi greets the designers on the runway. She introduces Zac, Nina and Jordana Brewster. Do you realize that they have made SIX of those race car movies? Is Paul Walker still alive? I figured he would be a paid escort in Lake Tahoe by now.

The show begins with Michelle's look. She made, essentially, some green harem pants and a white top. She did create a black bandeau top to go under her t-shirt. She thinks it's the raddest and she is determined to bring back peg-legged pants now. Daniel's look is . It's a yellow short and jacket. Michelle and Layana actually fucking groan when it's on the runway, which is just rude. The truth is, it's a BOLD color. As I recall, you dimwits, that was a major part of the guidelines. And yellow looks good on olive complexions, which Jordana possesses. There is no way they are going to bash him for a bold color when Nina went on like she did. Also, the sleeves are certainly editorial. They're weird. Daniel is excited though. Stanley's look is . It's these beautiful white culottes and a fitted brown leather jacket. The model looks fantastic in it. Patricia's look is . It is a blue one-shouldered dress with some leather Native American medallion things all over it. It's pretty lame. Layana's look is . The top is blue leather shapes connected by metal rings over a white skirt. It fits beautifully considering how precise it needed to be.

Afterwards, the models return to the stage. Nina tells Patricia that there is always something surprising about her work, but her dress is like a tent. Jordana has a rocking bod, so the dress wouldn't work for her. Zac thinks there was not enough movement. Heidi thinks that it looks unfinished. Patricia reveals that she had to work with Richard and teach him things, which I think garners her a little sympathy. They love Stanley's look. Nina thinks it's smart to make separates. She loves the culottes. Heidi commends Stanley on his management skills. Jordana loves it and is grateful that he didn't make palazzo pants. Daniel says that, per instruction, he went bold. Heidi has Victoria's Secret flashbacks. Jordana loves the color and the back of the jacket. Nina believes that it is definitely editorial, however, she feels that it's a little Easter. Zac agrees with Jordana about the back of the jacket. Layana explains that she was trying to mix hard and soft in her look. Zac tells her that he is really proud of her. Jordana likes the color. Nina thinks that it's amazing. Heidi feels that it would photograph well.

By Jeff Long

Michelle explains that she adapted the muscle t-shirt and baggy pants. Nina doesn't think that it's strong enough for an editorial shoot. She reminds Michelle that she said verbatim that she didn't want a t-shirt and pants. Michelle cops to having made exactly the opposite of what Nina asked. Nina says that Michelle needs to employ a little bit of fantasy. I'm fantasizing about her getting kicked off of the show right now.

Backstage, we hear a Michelle interview where she says that she is feeling really emotional right now. Patricia is confident that she is going to be eliminated. The judges confer and Nina points out that Michelle completely ignored her instructions. They love that Layana was inspired by the Hearst Building. They like that Stanley's design has multiple pieces. They are kind of mixed on Daniel's look but ultimately approving. They are still interested in Patricia's work, even though she faltered on this challenge.

The designers return to the stage. Stanley wins the challenge! Jordana says that she is excited to wear his design. Layana is in. Daniel is in. That leaves Patricia and Michelle. Backstage, Layana says that she thinks it's going to be Patricia that goes. I guess we're not going to mention her absurd behavior from last week at all? Fine. Patricia is...in. She is crying when she gets backstage and says that she is in. Layana is such a dick and acts like she's almost upset because of the thought of Michelle being out. Michelle is not out though. Heidi tells her that she is getting a "do or die" moment. She is being sent home, but she will get one more shot to be a part of the competition. She, and we, will find out about that later. What a little bitch, she goes backstage and when people try to hug her, she says that she doesn't want to be touched and they should all just give her some space. I'm ready to give her all the space that she needs. Forever.

Jeff Long is a writer/performer in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com and followed on Twitter at @jblong.