Cuckoo Couture

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The show begins immediately after Christopher has left. Heidi tells them that she's sending them out on the town. They go to a suite at a swank hotel and have a champagne toast. They all hang out and discuss what the competition has been like. April gets really emotional about how empowering the experience has been for her. Mondo, naturally, feels that the show freed him.

The day, Tim Gunn introduces the designers to Mayor Bloomberg. What? Their challenge is to design a look based on the city. They have a budget of $500! Other Michael chooses the Statue of Liberty. God, he's not helping me defend him. Mondo and April choose the Brooklyn Bridge. Andy chooses Central Park. Gretchen feels "underinspired." By New York. She's losing her mind, y'all. She chooses the Lower East Side, mostly, I imagine, because she wants the design to be "her" and that's probably where she sees herself the most.

Other Michael has a hard time executing his vision. He seems to have finally run into the end of his capabilities as a technician. Mondo takes a small nap that actually turns into a pretty long nap. Gretchen and Mondo coin the phrase "Cuckoo Couture" in regards to his design aesthetic. Pretty brilliant. April expresses her admiration for Tim Gunn and his mentorship, which I find refreshing with all of the bitchiness we've seen from these guys this season. Gretchen does the same thing! She tells Tim that it has been an honor getting to know him.

Christian Siriano is the guest judge! Other Michael's dress seems kind of... I don't know. I never know what they're going to say about him. Gretchen's look has a weird motorcycle jacket with it. Andy's look has a little bit of an Asian madam quality, as others mentioned, but it looks good. Mondo's is Mondo. April's look is very cool. Very edgy stuff. They love Andy and Mondo (except for Heidi on the latter). They hate Gretchen's, and she starts crying immediately. Heidi says that she was surprised to see Gretchen's look and thinks she's a better designer. Michael is brutal to April about how she makes the same thing over and over again. Nina says that she doesn't show any range. Christian's a lovely judge and says thoughtful, kind things to everyone. They LOVE Other Michael's dress.

Other Michael says he'd take Mondo and Andy to Fashion Week. Gretchen chooses Mondo and April. Andy says Mondo and April. Mondo picks Other Michael! And, he chooses April, too. April chooses Mondo and Gretchen. And the judges? They pick everybody but April. She's devastated and it's completely sad.

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Previously: The designers were enlisted to create activewear looks for Heidi's line for New Balance. Labor officials are still investigating to see if there was any sort of sweatshop related wrongdoing. The old designers came back and Ivy was a crazy bitch to Other Michael and called him a cheater. Tim put the kibosh on that thought. Christopher ended up getting the boot. We're down to the final five!

We're at Parson's, where we left everyone last week. Tim tells the final five designers that he has a surprise for them. Gretchen is already worried. He tells them that they are to meet Heidi on the runway now. Heidi greets them with her devilish smile. She says that she knows how much they "love" surprises. BUT, for this surprise, they want the designers to relax. So, they're sending them to one of "the most spectacular places in New York City." Other Michael interviews that he doesn't believe her -- there's gotta be a twist. Yeah, I could imagine going to some swank restaurant and being told I have to design the new china or something equally cruel. Heidi gets all serious and tells them to recharge, because this will be the last challenge with which to "wow" them.

And, you know what? Heidi keeps to her word. They walk into a swank suite at the Mandarin Oriental, an actually spectacular place. Everyone's super excited, of course. April interviews that it makes her realize they're all getting closer to Fashion Week. They pop some champs. Twist the bottle, not the cork, Gretchen. Someone apparently has not had to wait tables on her poverty-stricken road to success. Temp? I could see her doing some admin, for sure. This is my wheelhouse, people. Other Michael wonders in an interview how the hell he got there. Listen, I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm looking around that room and wondering how he got there as well.

Gretchen toasts to being proud of all of them, herself included. She interviews that this is nice, but she really wants to get to Fashion Week, which she considers the essence of who she is as a designer. I'm guessing she means presenting an entire collection, not the calendar aspects of the occasion. I'm not sure. They look around the suite in awe. Gretchen's psyched that she's going to have a good cappuccino in the morning. Later, as Other Michael is eating some sort of pudding-y goodness, Gretchen says another winding sentence about how she wouldn't be here if she hadn't set the intention of doing what she was passionate about for the rest of her life. Jesus. Breathe. I think she's talking about The Secret, no? More power to her.

Andy says that, though everyone has had different struggles getting to where they are now, the show has been a crash course in getting to know yourself. Other Michael adds that he's learned a lot about who his customer is and it has been surprising. That's pretty interesting. I can imagine that knowledge might do a lot for helping him focus on what he needs to learn. April says that the show has made her do things she has never done before, which has made her a stronger person. She's proud of herself. She gets a little choked up after she says that. April's a good egg. She interviews that it would be cool if she won, being so young. Mondo says that this show has been a journey that has freed him.

The morning, the designers meet Tim on the roof of the hotel. Mayor Mike Bloomberg is there! Other Michael interviews that he wants to show Hizzonner his "I Heart New York" tattoo on his chest. We get to see it though. Hopefully, this show will also teach him about laser tattoo removal. Gretchen is excited that the Mayor is the ambassador for this challenge because it shows how the city feels about Project Runway. That's true and pretty cool. Mayor Bloomberg presents the challenge. The have to design a look inspired by New York. He tells them that he's offering them the entire city. He also tells them to "Make It Work" and Tim laughs. I would really love to get quoted by the mayor of New York one day. Tim reminds them that this challenge decides who goes to Fashion Week. Also, they're getting their largest budget of the season. $500! He says that the budget is a sign that the judges really want to be wowed by the design work. The Mayor wishes them good luck, then Tim sends them off to get inspired.

Here's Other Michael on a ferry. He says that, as soon as he heard about the challenge, he was thinking of the Statue of Liberty. Now, I don't know what he has in mind, but considering all of the criticism that he has gotten this season, could he have chosen a worse muse? He chooses the New York landmark that is already wearing a dress. Sigh. Hand on head. And this isn't to cast aspersions on what he might do -- I'm just saying. He says that he wants to do something structured yet drape-y.

April's in Brooklyn! She chose the Brooklyn Bridge. She's inspired by how the bridge is constructed. It really is a marvel. First, the stone portion is majestic and, then, all of the wires and whatnot. It's pretty amazing. Mondo chooses the Brooklyn Bridge too and seems most inspired by the cables and beams. The shapes of negative space are pretty remarkable.

Andy chooses Central Park. He says that he was inspired by the organic lines created by the winding walkways and the sunlight. Then, he adds that this is the final challenge and he just wants to make a dress. Hmm. There's something about the grin on his face. I'm wondering if he already has a dress in mind and is just trying to shoehorn that idea into an appropriate muse.

Gretchen chose the Lower East Side. I am immediately feeling like she has made a mistake. The LES is the site of inspired people, but I'm not sure one finds inspiration from the LES. Like, Gretchen would maybe design for people who lived there, but, other than old synagogues and tenements, the actual substance of the place is not really high fashion. But, I could be wrong. She tells us that she feels under-inspired for this challenge. She says that she doesn't want to do something literal. She wants to make something that reminds her of the type of woman she designs for. Exactly. But, I think she's making a mistake.

At Mood, they get a whopping 45 minutes to shop. Andy tries to give himself options in texture. Gretchen goes for stuff that reminds her of the bricks she saw in the LES. No. Other Michael doesn't know what he's looking for yet. He talks to Tim, who tells him that his design doesn't need to be literal. He tells April that she should consider a "surprise" in her color palette. Surprise means "any color at all besides black." She says that she has something in mind. Mondo's going to use color, per uzh. They thank Swatch the pup as they leave. He/She appears to be wearing a nun's habit.

They have two days to finish the challenge. At the workroom, Tim reminds all of them that one of them will be eliminated. He encourages them to give their best work for this challenge. Other Michael interviews that it's essential that he do great work for this challenge, seeing as he has been in the bottom for more challenges than anyone else in the room. Then, Tim's gone for the day. Andy announces, "Ladies, this is not a hobby." There's something profound and terrifying about that statement. So many creative professions are ephemeral and dreamlike until the moment it's reality and it often takes some weird brain shift that's really sort of clinical to make it all happen. If that sounds confusing, that's because it fragging IS. Andy interviews that everyone is being very careful with their designs. April says that she wants to show the designers some of the crazy shit that she can bring to the runway. She wants to go out with a bang. I'm not sure that's the phrase she was looking for.

Other Michael says that he is trying really damn hard to execute his vision. All of their words are starting to melt into a pot of "I wanna win," but I think he's saying something specific. He's been working a lot with what he's good at and editing and correcting. I think he's saying that he wants to be able to correctly put what is in his head onto the mannequin. So, Gretchen tells him that what he's working on looks like her curtains. Then, she interviews that Other Michael reminds her of herself five years ago, when she could only make dresses. Well, I recall her saying that the first slacks she made for this show were the first slacks she'd ever made, so...anyway, not sure that's really a point, but it's worth remembering. She says she could only make dresses and she replicated a lot of other work because that's the only way she could learn. Frankly, that's a pretty generous summation of Other Michael's issues. He's not a thief. He's still learning. I also happen to think he's a pretty ace problem solver, which I hope gets some play at some point in the evaluation of his talents.

With six hours remaining in the day, they're all working frantically. Mondo, overcome with exhaustion, decides to take a catnap. It turns into a much longer. No one wakes him up, because, duh. Other Michael wonders if it was on purpose. Anyway, he wakes up with only two and a half hours left in the day. He gets to work and Gretchen mentions that if there were any challenge to show cuckoo, this would be it. "Cuckoo couture," Mondo says. Yes.

Other Michael starts making a second dress, as a backup. He's trying to do this weird stuff with bunched and connected fabric. Ay. Gretchen jokes that she's excited about the challenge, but really just wants to leave. Everyone is going a little crazy, wrapping shit around their heads and running around. At the sewing machine in some weird mobster burqa, Other Michael does a Michael Kors impression that is pretty spot on. He says that same stuff that a dozen other designers have done over the years, imagining some snippy insult that they would think of.

Gretchen tells Andy that, though she likes his dress, it looks like a madam, a woman you "would pay high price to spank you." She interviews that his work is often just this side of slut and HE NAILED IT. That was awfully good. You know, Gretchen is a touch nut to crack. She's got the appearance of an angel, though I'm not sure she would ever expect you to think she is. That said, because of the contrast in her demeanor and her actual personality, there's something inauthentic-seeming about her. I'm not sure if that's fair, but I've certainly had a hard time liking her because of it. Andy jokes that he translated Central Park into a head waitress at a teahouse who gives happy endings. Well, that's awfully incorrect. He's worried about the dress. Gretchen tells him that she doesn't think he needs to start over. He interviews that, though he wasn't intending for that read of his design, he has to stick by it or it will be the end of him.

Back at the apartments, Gretchen feels like she did both a disservice and a service by telling him the madam stuff. At the boys', Andy says her words are all he can think about. Other Michael says that he wanted to wake Mondo up and asked everyone if he'd said anything. Mondo "jokes" that the others wanted him to sleep until 11.

The day, Andy has decided to stick by his designs. Other Michael tells us that the bunched part of his fabric is supposed to represent the pedestal of the statue, which is kind of clever. Mondo says that Other Michael doesn't have a dress yet. Mondo tries to use some yellow sequins, but decides that, since he's never done it before, he can't work with sequins.

Here's Tim for consultations. He starts with Mondo, who explains his inspiration. It's a photo of the cars on the Brooklyn Bridge, including a shiny black car and a yellow cab. He says the yellow sequins were to be representative of the cab, but he feels like it's too much. Tim agrees. The rest of his design is representative of the bridge and it's architecture without being too literal. Tim seems to like it. Other Michael says that he'd expected Cloroxed denim and whips and chains on Mondo's design, but he'd misjudged him. He thinks he's the most creative person he's ever seen and surprisingly (I'm assuming he's surprised because of the confused way his face scrunches when he says it) classy.

April presents her dress to Tim. Mondo interviews that her work can come off a little costume-y. Tim tells her that her strength is in editing. She interviews that Tim is the person that she respects most here. That's good to hear. I kind of felt like Tim was off his game a little last season, but, even though these designers have been fairly difficult, he's really given some expert mentorship this season. I love that he's equally passionate and scholastic.

Tim shows Michael his sketches. Tim asks Other Michael if he's being as ambitious as the other designers. The scrunched up fabric? Tim doesn't like it. Apparently, Other Michael wasn't being true to himself when contemplating using it.

Mondo thinks that Andy is playing it safe. Tim is hot on the slutty trail and tells Andy not to let his work seem like Real Housewives of New Jersey. Gretchen is thankful that she's having a "real" critique with Tim today, because she needs it. She tells him about her LES inspiration. Mondo interviews that Gretchen is one of the more exhausted designers on the show, which corresponds with her sounding really tired. He thinks her piece looks really tired too. Tim, really having nowhere to go, tells her to reference her customer and not herself. Gretchen interviews that, though she and Tim have different aesthetics, she believes Tim can see the potential in all of the designers. She has a lovely moment where she tells Tim that it has been an honor working with him. He does that super sexy midwestern thing where he can't really hear it and just gives her a hug. Oh Tim. My heart goes boom.

Tim wishes them all luck and leaves, whereupon, Gretchen says that she's emotional in a jerky vomit/cry sort of way. Other Michael, and I'm not trying to be mean, seems to have confused his lack of ability with vision. He has decided that he was not being true to himself before. Maybe he's right. Maybe the foray into the scrunched fabrics was not only a mistake aesthetically, but a case of him not being true to himself.

Andy seems confused about how to finish his look when the models come in for their fittings. With the dress on his girl, he seems much more confident. Other Michael says that he would date his girl, she looks so hot. They would have a cheap date and she would "get some." This guy is a class act. Tim comes back into the workroom, this time with Peter Butler, that hot piece who is a consultant for Garnier. Yum. He walks them through their hair looks. Mondo doesn't have anything to put on his girl. Gretchen feels like her piece is different from who she is, but she doesn't think that's a bad thing. In that case, she should have chosen a muse other than something that was supposed to be just like her. Other Michael starts to make this basket-weave shrug thing. It's unclear how it's going to turn out. Andy tells Gretchen that it could either be genius or a failure. Gretchen accurately points out that Other Michael is either an idiot savant or just an idiot. They don't know until he's on the runway. Interesting that they can't appreciate his work until the judges do. They finish for the day.

The morning, they boys are excited that it's the last day. April tells Gretchen that she "needs" to make it to Fashion Week. Gretchen feels the same way. They're all business in the workroom. Tim comes in and stresses that they use the Piperlime wall more strategically than ever. Gretchen thinks that April's dress is a little "witchy." Other Michael tosses the shrug he made. Mondo is freaking that he needs to do a lot of work on his look. No one has seen Other Michael's dress yet. Andy wonders to Gretchen if it will be just like the actual dress on the statue but in black. Gretchen interviews that she came to this show on the last bit of gas that she had -- overdrawn bank accounts and so forth. She needs to make it to Fashion Week. Bless her heart, that's gotta be a bitch.

On the runway, Heidi greets the weary designers. She introduces Michael, Nina and guest judge, Christian Siriano. CHRISTIAN! Andy giggles. Other Michael's dress is first. It's a simple draped halter dress with a naked back and a super high slit on one leg. I don't know. It's hard to judge his work because he thinks so hard and ends up with simple stuff, making me feel like he really couldn't make something with a higher level of difficulty. However, if he talked with more game, I might think that his stuff was genius. Just being honest. He's happy with the expert draping and he's right there. It pretty perfect in that regard.

Gretchen's look? I don't know. It's a skirt and top and weird motorcycle jacket. Even she doesn't think it's really runway, but she justifies that it's supposed to look like a normal girl walking down the street. Not in the LES, unless she was teaching Home Ec in a high school there. FYI- I've been thinking lately that it would have been really punk rock for me to take Home Ec in high school and I wish I'd done it.

Here's Andy's dress. His styling makes it look a little less slutty but still slutty. He feels really good about it. Mondo's dress is pretty good. It's like late 30's Upper East Side event planner. Maybe Bethanny on the Real Housewives of New York. Everyone tells him that he's done a great job.

April's look is very April. No color at all. There's a neat cut-out on one shoulder, but that's the only thing that's different about it from her other work. She's happy with it.

Afterwards, Mondo explains the optical illusion of his inspiration. Michael feels that he showed that color isn't his crutch, though he uses a lot of patent leather. Nina feels that he has a lot of ideas, though Heidi feels like she has seen this before. Christian thinks that it's a chic dress.

Andy talks circles around the fact that his dress has nothing to do with Central Park, except the patent leather parts mimic water. Michael doesn't see the inspiration and feels that he uses the "warrior woman" too much. Nina likes the wet effect. Heidi thinks that the lines are flattering. Christian really likes it too. He seems like he's really being thoughtful

Michael is confused with Gretchen's look. He thinks she looks like a secretary. Nina asks her what happened and she starts to cry and says that she's tired and she's sick of the challenges. She wants to get back to designing like she does normally. Heidi points out that she had carte blanche to design whatever she wanted for this challenge, which isn't exactly true. I get Gretchen's point. Christian saves the day and appreciates that Gretchen designed separates. He thinks the skirt and top are "a little off the rack," which Gretchen says is a great point. Heidi says she thinks that Gretchen is better than this design.

Michael feels that the sameness in April's designs is numbing. He thinks her work is joyless and she has designed a dress for "a pregnant witch." Wow. She says that she likes the drama of black, but Heidi thinks that she should have tried to surprise them with color. April starts to cry and apologizes for her tears. Nina thinks that she missed an opportunity to show the judges that she could do something else. Christian appreciates that the dress looks like April and is interested to see what else she could do.

Michael thinks that Other Michael's dress is a show stopper. Other Michael doesn't know what fabric he worked with, which is weird. Christian likes it, but thinks that the slit in the front is a little high. Heidi doesn't. She loves the slit and thinks that a lot of other women would love it too. He thinks that Mondo and Andy should go to Fashion Week with him. Gretchen thinks that Mondo and April should go. Andy says Mondo and April. Mondo chooses April and-surprise-Other Michael! He says that Other Michael listens and isn't afraid to grow. April chooses Mondo and Gretchen.

The designers leave the stage. In the waiting room, they collapse on the couch. Gretchen says that she will get to Fashion Week without the show. April starts crying. Other Michael tells her that she shouldn't let the judges get to her. Mondo says that choosing two people who should go to Fashion Week was hard because he knows all of them have dreams.

Freida Pinto is so beautiful in the L'Oreal commercials. She's an angel. Anyway, the judges love Mondo. Nina likes that he is detailed and unafraid of color and patterns. Christian isn't totally sold. He thinks it was a bit staid? He makes a movement to describe what he meant and that's the best I can get from it. Michael is afraid that Andy is obsessed with the warrior woman. Christian loved it, but Heidi thinks that he played it safe. Michael thinks that Other Michael designed THE dress of the day. Nina loved it too. Christian had issues with him not knowing what fabric he was using and wonders if he designed it by accident. Michael says that, though he may not know what he was using, he knows what the fabric did. Michael hated April's dress. Nina doesn't think that she has taken any chances. Christian feels that there is something interesting in the design possibilities of an April collection. Heidi says that Gretchen has lost her steam. Christian thinks that she designed something for a street market. Michael thinks that Gretchen usually knows her customer. Nina thinks that she lost her confidence, but Heidi wonders if she ran out of ideas.

The designers return to the stage and all hug each other before taking their positions in front of the firing squad. Four of them will be creating collections, but only three of them will be competing at Fashion Week. Other Michael is through to Fashion Week. No smile from Gretchen. At least, that's what they chose to show us. We see her smiling as he leaves the stage. Mondo is through too. He interviews that he couldn't be happier. He tearfully hugs Other Michael backstage and tells him that he's proud of him. Andy is through, though Heidi tells him to lay off the warrior woman. It's down to April and Gretchen. Gretchen is in. She goes backstage and hugs Other Michael. She tells the guys that she's glad that she got the second chance that they all got. Huh? Love it.

April weeps in her interview that she's surprised that they wouldn't give her a chance. This is sad. I love April. Tim comes in and she says that she is so happy to see him. Tim tells her that she should be very proud of herself and this is just the threshold of her career. She says that she won't look back and will be OK.

Tim tells the living designers that they are all competing for three spaces.

Jeff Long is a writer/performer living in Brooklyn.

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