Everyone is still reeling from the difficult ordeal of working in teams last week. Just when they think they will be able to work independently on a vision of their own making, they receive the rude awakening that the MODELS are going to be their "clients" for the challenge. The designers are to design looks for the models to wear to an industry event, and they're to do it in one day, for $100.
Of course, many of the models are loons, so their design desires are appropriately crazy and all over the place. Shirin's model, for example, initially wants a royal blue and gold jumpsuit. Early standouts include Christopher, Althea and Epperson, who are showing real innovation in the time allowed. Tim's is concerned, however, about Logan and Carol Hannah. When the models arrive, their reactions are generally positive, though don’t think I didn't notice that Johnny is trying to jump back into his spiral of doom. Mostly, everyone is really stressed about the time element.
Runway day dawns and the nerves increase. The sewing machines are almost in flames. Pre-runway interviews include quite a bit of backbiting about how terrible everyone else's designs are. When the show starts, we see that at least a few of them were right. In a big surprise, Carol Hannah knocked her dress out of the park. Epperson's dress is a huge hit, as is Althea's suit. Logan's fears of making a tacky prom dress unfortunately became a reality, and Johnny's dress comes off as, the kiss of death, "bridesmaid." Though, truly, Althea's suit is not coming off well on my TV, it must be awesome, because she is named the winner. Finally, as we all knew would have to happen eventually, Qristyl is sent home. Brutal guest judge Jennifer Rade makes her send-off particularly straightforward. Her black dress was boring and, the judges said, looked cheap.
Well, last week, poor Mitchell was sent packing, mostly because he couldn't sew, and... couldn't really function in this competition as it requires designing within a time frame and having some basic knowledge of a sewing machine. Nicolas tells his remaining roommates that he feels like this week, the competition will get serious, as the talentless people will surely all be weeded out. We can only hope the Feather Prince is correct.Christopher hopes they won't be forced to work in teams again, thus being able to show off their individual talents. Epperson agrees, as well he might, since his own team experience with Qristyl was such an unparalleled disaster. He seems to have taken the gentlemanly road about it, however, saying in an interview that he realizes that working in a team was difficult for both himself and Qristyl.
Qristyl, indeed, seems to still be struggling. "Now that I'll be known as the b-i-t-c-h..." she is saying, in her room as she prepares for the new day. I am gratified that she chooses to spell that word correctly and not like, "b-y-ff-qh," in keeping with her alternate spelling theme. Her roommates murmur supportive words, and Gordana remarks that the real problem with the Qristyl v. Epperson showdown was that Q-Y did not stand up for herself early enough, which is a kind way of saying that Qristyl did not take control of the project, ever, as she was directed to do. Qristyl says she is just glad it's a new day and just wants to "forget about yesterday." Yesterday? Do these challenges really happen back to back? Bless these people's hearts -- no wonder they cry all the time. When do they get to sleep?
Heidi dons another leopard print ensemble at the runway. Is this some kind of weird cross-promotion for the hideously-named Cougar Town? If so, I'll gladly watch it, because Heidi looks fantastic, as usual. To the "lucky 13" remaining designers, she announces the challenge. "Tim is waiting for you in the workroom with 13 women who know exactly what they want," she says. "Your challenge is simple: make all of these women very, very happy." Looking at their scared faces, she adds: "Ees enough. No?" Heee. Nicolas interviews that all they know about the challenge so far is that there are these 13 women. "It could be homeless people... to... Eskimos..." LORD, I love Nicolas. Why is he so funny to me?
In the workroom, the designers are thrilled to see that the 13 women are not homeless Eskimos, but are, in fact, their models. Carol Hannah says in an interview that they all breath a huge sigh of relief, as several of them thought "it was gonna be bridezillas." How I wish. Their assignment, then, will be to design looks for their models to wear to a special industry event. "They need to stand out and be noticed," Tim says, "so that agents, designers and the press see not only their impeccable sense of style, but their ability to wear and sell a look." Logan looks nervous and says in an interview that he is afraid his model, Kojii, might have a completely different style than he does. Everyone is given 30 minutes to consult with their "clients." Johnny opens with a smart question: "Tell me what you don't want." He seems slightly overconfident about the whole thing, though. "I know what Emarie likes," he says. "It's like designing something for myself if I was a black girl." Oh, Johnny. You wish. Too bad Epperson's did not think to ask Johnny's straightforward question of his model, Matar. She wants something simple. But interesting. Sexy. But not too much. Nothing too big. But nothing too small. But tight. Romantic. Punk. Chic. Um, tiger? And... orange. Poor Epperson!
Qristyl's gorgeous, gorgeous model Valerie wants something flattering to show off her curves. "She's going to be in a room full of beautiful girls," Qristyl says, "so she wants to stand out." Actually, she already stands out, because she is stunning. I mean, they are all beautiful, but I like Valerie a lot.
Irina's model Kalyn is so lovely but so hilariously young and flighty. Irina tries to guide her towards what she wants, since she doesn't seem to know and suggests something with an open back. "Yyeesss," Kalyn says. "I love my back!" Like, totally you guys. OMG.
Elsewhere, Ra'Mon tells his model, the waifish and evil Vanessa, that his design will be very "you," but with quirky elements of his own style added in. She barely has the energy to nod her head in understanding. Louise, working with Vanessa's mortal enemy, Fatma, says she is worried about Fatma's color idea of red. This disappoints me, as Fatma has perhaps the most gorgeous dark skin of all the models and would probably look totally beautiful in red. Louise is not having that, though, and wants to go with black and gold.
Meanwhile, Althea is loving working with Tanisha, who she feels like has a great sense of style. Having the opposite experience is Shirin, who questions whether her model's desire for a royal blue satin jumpsuit with gold rope accents is in the best taste. "That's not me at all," Shirin says in an interview with a huge cringe, "and I have to stand by this garment." Also coming in with a challenging request is Kojii, who is working with Logan. "I'm happy with lace or leather," she tells him, detailing her ideas for a 1950s-style dress that should also be edgy and "out of everyone's comfort zone." Too bad she is not matched up with Louise. That would have been a far more suitable designer, at least, though maybe it would have been too obvious. I guarantee Louise knows how to design something that is 50s-inspired, though, which Logan readily admits he does not.
Finally, Tim arrives to whisk the designers away to Mood. Valerie hugs Qristyl, telling her she is sure to "rock it." Qristyl says she's really, really excited, and they head off for their weekly Keystone Cops race through the fabric store. This time, they have a $100 budget. No amount of money in the world, however, would get Epperson the orange fabric he is looking for -- apparently all they have is some tragic neon color that would not work at all for what he wanted. So, he decides to go another way. "You're gonna make it work," Tim says. "And, remember, you're the designer; she's the client. You can only address her needs as well as you can." Hmm. That seems like the opposite of what I expected he would say -- don't they normally harp on designing for what the client wants? Like with the Rebecca Romijn challenge? In any case, Epperson is moving forward. Althea has better luck. She gets a suiting fabric which she feels is a perfect find.
Qristyl says her model wanted "warm colors" like chocolate brown and black. "Me, personally, as a designer," Qristyl says, "I never really design anything in black." Oh, Qristyl! Having seen some of your extremely misguided color choices, I wonder if maybe you should start. Not sure you should go with brown and black at once, though... in jersey fabric... sigh.
Back at the workroom, the action is immediate. They only have one day to work on these designs. I am not sure where everyone else has gone, but at one point Johnny and Louise seem to be working alone in the sewing area. "I'm just thinking about someone else having to go home," Louise says, gloomily. Johnny asks who she thinks it will be. "It's just so depressing," she says. "I don't know." Johnny jokes that it will be him. Christopher is also thinking about the dwindling field of contestants. "You think 13 is a lot," he says, "and then you look around and you're like... 'oh.' We're just getting knocked off." No time to dwell on this sad fact, however, as their time is limited. Carol Hannah jokingly announces that she has a fully-finished cocktail dress and the camera whips over to her for about a millisecond to show the blur of fabric that could be a dress, or could be a raincoat. Who knows? Why do they never show the dang clothes on this show? Give me a little bit of the creative process, please. There are enough programs out there about how dumb human beings are -- I don't need to be told about their every emotion and fear. Christopher the pressure is on, but that he works well under pressure. "Some of the designers," he adds, as the camera lurches over to the handsomely confused Logan, "are still struggling." Nicolas, for his part, says he'll still be sewing when Tim shows up and rips the needle out of his hand.
Speaking of Tim, he has just arrived to take stock of their progress. He is most intrigued by Althea's concept. Her model, she says, wanted a black look with a short skirt to show off her legs. She has added a jacket that she refers to as "a cigarette jacket," which causes Tim to immediately crease his brow. "What's a cigarette jacket?" he asks. "You mean like, a smoking jacket?" Ha! Yes, that is actually what she means, and thank goodness Althea has a sense of humor and can admit it. I was going with her, there, for a second. I mean, there's a cigarette pant after all. I was hoping she had come up with something really insane like a jacket with super-skinny arms. You watch -- season we will all be wearing cigarette jackets with arms so tight we have to walk with our wingspans fully extended. She is also working on a belt with the fabric layered and stitched together. "You know, it doesn't have to look like a cummerbund," Tim says. "I think it can just look like a sash." Althea laughs hysterically like it never occurred to her that these black, layered and stitched pieces of fabric might look like a cummerbund. Crazy girl, wake up. Can you not see that you are basically making a tuxedo suit? Tim says it definitely has a wow-factor potential.
Meanwhile, Christopher is constructing something that might make you say "wow," in an entirely different tone. His dress, which he says he is making to accentuate his model's small waist, is bright green. The color might be really interesting, actually, and the design on the dress form looks cool, but I see ruffles on the table -- don't think I don't see the ruffles! -- and they scare me. I really like Christopher, I have to say. He is Minnesota Nice and it is endearing -- especially when he reveals that he is afraid Tim is going to say his green color makes his model look like a salad. Tim laughs and so do I -- because it's true.
Epperson is doing his best with the nutball direction he received from his model. Tim is impressed. His dress, which appears to be made of some kind of stretch velvet (not as tacky as it sounds) is accented with ribbons of another fabric that wrap around the torso, all in a rich, gold-ish brown. Um, yes, that would be bronze, right? Good one, Al Lowe. Tim tells him to continue in the direction he's going and to "be Epperson." And as mad as she was at him last week, I'm betting Qristyl wishes she could "be Epperson" right about now. Because her dress looks like two pieces of fabric bunched together and stapled around the dress form. It's black on top and brown on the bottom, and I can kind of see where she's going but... you know those sheets made of t-shirt fabric? From what the camera is showing us, it looks like she took two of those, king size, and tried to make one dress out of all that fabric. Tim has concerns. "Forgive me for using this blunt word," he says, "but it looks messy... like she's been rolling around in bed." For the briefest moment we see a long-shot of the dress and it looks much better. This consultation with Tim, however, has delivered quite a blow on poor Qristyl. "Okay," she says. Q looks tired, y'all. "Well, we don't want that," she says of his bed-rolling comment, and adds that she has a lot of work to do.
Speaking of a lot of work, Logan is in a hot mess, people. He tells Tim he is afraid his garment will end up looking "like a Smurf prom dress." Tim is taken aback. "Well, now that you've said 'Smurf,'" he says, fingering the blue fabric. "Don't use that word again! Don't plant it in anybody's head!" I am dying that Tim Gunn knows what a Smurf is. When I saw him make these commands in the previews, I was sure he was declaring a ban on the word "prom." No. Tim Gunn fears the Smurf. Logan says he has never worked with lace much, which does not surprise Tim at all. Since it appears that Logan is making some sort of thick lace overlay for this dress that will add about 15 pounds to his model, I am not surprised, either. "You have a conundrum," Tim tells him, quietly. "You really do." Across the room, Carol Hannah shows off her dress, which seems to be coming along, nicely. The top is a one-shoulder design of deep purple with a waist-accentuating structured middle, and the skirt seems to be made of a fabric I don't recognize. Is it velvet? Leather? Seriously, I can't tell you, because they show it for a quark's worth of time. In any case, it looks pretty cool, though Tim wonders if the design of the top is perhaps "robbing the model of her youth." All in all, Tim says he is please with the potential of the designs he sees in the room, and he leaves to fetch the models for their fittings.
This gives the producers enough time to creep up on Epperson and fit in an emotional call to his family. He seems like a truly nice man. He misses his wife and children, terribly, and has a very small, private cry about them after a phone call home.
Back in the workroom, Qristyl has scrapped her original design after Tim's critique. She is going, instead, with an all-black design. "Black will be safe," she says in an interview, "and it better be good." The models arrive and much kissing and squealing goes on. Epperson breaks it to Matar that the orange wasn't happening. She seems fine with it, if not a little stoned. He is proud that he went with his instinct on the replacement color. "I've worked with so many different celebrities and clients," he interviews. "And they trust my judgments, so why am I so concerned with this situation when I know that I am gonna make her look the best she can?" Celebrities?! This is interesting news! And yet we find out no more.
Johnny is up to his old tricks of emotional manipulation. When his model suggests an edit to the cleavage on his dress, he "jokingly" snaps at her to "honey, please don't tell me what to do." He adds that he doesn't tell her how to model, but then remembers that oh, yes he does. "Thank you," she shoots back, mildly sarcastic, and I am glad. I think for a second that she has his number, but when he starts in with "you hate the dress," basically begging her to reinforce him, she plays right into his passive-aggressive hands. Johnny wears me out, y'all.
Things continue to go well for Althea. Her model loves the look, saying that it is even more awesome than she envisioned it would be. "I'm really trying to focus on what's important," Althea says in an interview. She's mostly worried about all the hand-tailoring she wants to get done before it's time for the runway show. Since the skirt appears to be a wadded-up ball of fabric right now, I can see where her concerns are coming from.
Kojii tells Logan that all the models are nervous about messing them up in the contest. "As long as I send something down the runway that I'm proud of," he says, "then it doesn't really matter. But, it's definitely nerve-wracking." Way to self-serve, handsome. He says he has designed the dress to make Kojii kind of a goth Cinderella. "She loves the look," he says. "But at the same time, she would go to the party and people might be looking at her for the wrong reasons." Haw? Were words edited out of that? It seemed a little reality-show-English.
Over at his table, the Feather Prince is working furiously on his white dress. His model, Celine, is one of my faves. He says he still has to put in the zipper and inset the collar. "Blah blah blah," he closes, sighing. "I am a complete wreck, as usual." Even inside-out and unfinished, his dress looks better than Logan's.
Qristyl has somehow whipped together a second dress, and she is pleased with the way it fits Valerie. She's worried, however, that it might be a little too simple. Also worried, apparently, is Shirin's model, who seems to not love the royal blue dress she's making. Shirin says in an interview that people who don't understand construction have a hard time "envisioning" what a dress will look like when it is still in pieces. This is all very boring and finally the models leave. Logan is now noticing that his garment is different from everyone else's. He should perhaps be glad it is different than Christopher's which, I'm sorry, looks exactly like a salad wrapped in salad. I can't stop typing the word salad. Althea says as they leave that they are all in for two hours of hell tomorrow morning.
Au contraire -- Johnny, at least, is in for at least a few minutes of Heaven for, once again, Logan is cruising through their room, shirtless. "I can't compete with your sexiness right now, Logan," Johnny says from the bed where he reclines, carbo-loading. Logan, worried about his terrible dress, jokes about his strategy to stay safe today: he's wearing silver jeans and silver sneakers, hoping to distract the judges.
Qristyl is nervous about the last-minute aspect of her design but feels like she has been able to pull it off in the past and thus will rise again to the challenge. Too bad she is not ripping a page out of Logan's playbook today, however, because her own outfit is such a mess, there is no way she will win extra points for personal style. Some kind of krazy kimono top with a too-short black skirt on her "plus-sexy" frame with mule sandals or something? Tradge.
Day two dawns in the workroom, and Johnny is trying to offset his nerves by strolling through the workroom in a hat made of boning material. I don't know how else to explain it -- it looks like a slinky. Logan is still worried as he finishes his dress. He says again that Kojii is a little edgier than the other models, which is why he likes her, but that the dress he's made is not really his aesthetic. Qristyl, also, is worried. Or, rather, she should be.
We get another quick glimpse of Christopher's dress. Y'all, it looks like an acid green Chinese finger trap. I can kind of see where he was going, but... no, I can't actually. Far worse, however, is Logan's totally 80s Smurfwear.
Tanisha, Althea's model, is superpleased with her suit. She says she realizes that having a three-piece suit made was a lot to ask, when most of the other models asked for dresses. Irina, obvs jealous, says in an interview that there are a still a lot of designers whose designs are incomplete. "No one's really looks like crap," she says. "But I did think Althea's looked like crap. I mean, I think it would have looked nicer if she stapled it together, to be quite frank." Oh, yes, that was quite frank. Nicolas disappoints me by trashing Epperson's dress in an interview. "I think the people who are gonna be in the bottom are definitely Epperson, because that dress looks like a rag," he says, blandly. "And then Johnny's garment looks like he just threw it in the dryer or just like, stomped on it, and it's awful." Christopher also interviews about Epperson's dress, but with slightly more tact. "It's one of those dresses," he says, "that you could see the judges hating or loving." He says he gets it, because he knows Epperson is all about shredding pieces of fabric to reattach them. "So it's definitely his aesthetic," he says. "Only time will tell if the judges get it." Who knows at what point in the construction process these interviews were done -- maybe it did look terrible when they said these things. From what we see now, though, it looks pretty good.
Hair and makeup goes into effect and Tim comes in to give them the 10-minute warning. Madness ensues. Louise breaks a needle. Johnny stabs his model with a needle. And Althea comes close to a breakdown from stress because she wishes she had more time to finish her design. Why she won't take Irina's suggestion to staple the thing together, I don't know. Tim comes in to hustle them all to the runway and give them one last rally to be fabulous. I can see Carol Hannah's model in the background, and she looks amazing, so I am excited to see her dress. The look Tim shoots Logan's model as she runs out the door is hilariously telling -- man, that dress is awful.
Heidi arrives on the runway and reviews the challenge: in, aut, tables were turned, designing for your models, etc. Do y'all ever wonder how many times Heidi has to give these speeches for the camera? She works so hard to be so precise in what she is saying. I would love to see the outtakes where she gets tongue-tied and starts cussing in German. I love Heidi -- every time she says "NEE-NA GAH-CEE-A" I fall out. Our beloved regular judges are out this week, and filling in are designer Marc Bouwer and another Marie Claire editor, Zoe Glassner. Filling out the panel this week is Jennifer Rade, costume designer and stylist to the stars. I miss Michael Kors, terribly, and nothing will replace the inherent evil of Nina Garcia, but I like the guest judge element. I wish they would let Tim weigh in every once in a while after everything is said and done. I suppose that would not be fair, though.
Qristyl's dress is out first and it is not quite the disaster I had anticipated. It seems to hang well, in any case, and Valerie would look good in a flour sack, so though it is not exactly exciting, it is okay .
Nicolas is thrilled with his white sheath dress with a high, futuristic collar. His model, Celine, looks fantastic and he feels like he has a chance of winning the challenging. He also feels like his dress is very well-tailored, although there is some gapping on the sides of the dress when she arches her back too much. Still, it looks great, if not a tad Trekkie. I mean, just a little -- her severe hairstyle is making that more noticeable.
Irina's dress is out , and... I have concerns. She is one of the only designers to have used a pattered fabric for the dress, and it is quite pretty. Or, at least I think it is, but it's hard to tell because of this belted shrug jacket she has over it that makes the whole thing come off really boring to me. With her little clutch purse, flower belt and conservative shoes, she looks like she's going to Sunday School.
I love Gordana's dress, a gold sheath with a woven front. Unfortch, the fabric plus the model's pale skin and blonde hair makes the whole thing wash out a bit. I feel like Gordana's model could sell it a little better -- she's the only blonde on the runway and even though they've paid about two total minutes of attention to Gordana's designs so far this whole season, I feel like this girl should be more memorable.
Shirin's dress is okay, as well. The royal blue is beautiful and the design is nice enough and fits very well. I'd say more but I'd have to use slo-mo to see it, since they literally show it for two seconds.
I'm not sure why Logan's model, Kojii, is so fond of the extra-long side ponytail/heavy bangs/I'm going to eat your soul look she is always rocking. It's certainly not doing her any favors today ash she rolls out this dress looking like she put one of those fake pregnancy bellies on under the top. The waistline of the dress must have two bolts of lace wrapped around it.
Though I think Christopher is a sweetheart and quite talented, his lettuce wrap is killing me a little. He's quite pleased with it, though.
Matar comes stomping down the runway, showing Epperson's dress off quite well. It turned out to be a sexy little number, indeed. I don't really get the back -- there seem to be about nine extra straps and cross-ties and crazy strings, but the fabrics he used look great on screen. He feels like his aesthetic and the model's matched up very well, after all.
Johnny's dress... I can't believe how terrible it is. It looks like a girl who flew across the country to be a bridesmaid for a bride she hated, having resentfully stuffed the overpriced bridesmaid dress into her carry-on. It doesn't fit well, makes the model look about nine sizes larger than I know she is, and is just overall a wreck, other than the pretty purple color, which is just about the only part he got right. I am surprised -- he is good, but this is not a good dress.
Althea's tux-inspired suit is up and her model is working the hell out of it. She looks like she is on her way to a business meeting where she will perform a hostile takeover. One issue, however: girl needs to wear a bra or something. The high waist of the skirt comes right up under her breasts which are, forgive me, about to bounce right out of the tank she's wearing under the jacket -- the jacket which should be getting all of the attention the boobs are stealing, because it is really good.
The stunning Fatma looks great in Louise's black dress which features a high-neck ruff. It's really dramatic and would have looked awesome in red. Why, Louise? Why? Ra'Mon also bores with a metallic blue sheath featuring a so-eight-years-ago huge Sex and the City style flower on the front. The flower is bigger than Vanessa's head, and it's still boring. Also, she walks like she is trying to step over a series of dead bodies, and has an expression on her face that looks like she smells something bad. Possibly the flower? Furthermore, her shoes are all wrong. Ra'Mon, you disappoint me. He wonders in an interview if he could have perhaps been a little less safe. The answer is yes.
Killing them all, I believe, is Carol Hannah's dress. The only part of it that I do not love is a fishtail kickpleat in the back that seems a little unnecessary. However, the patterned bottom of the dress which looks like leather somehow but surely is not, is just beautiful. Is it brocade? Brocade with a metallic thread? Rubber? Hell, I can't even tell.
Finally it is time for judging. Safe are Louise, Irina, Christopher, Nicolas, Gordana, Shirin and Ra'Mon. If I was Nicolas and Gordana, I would be so sick of being in the middle. In fact, Nicolas is smirking as if he is thinking just that. Now, wait a minute, Feather Prince -- don't get cocky. Every time you are in the middle it means you are safe to delight me for another week. Be consoled with some of Gordana's potato leek soup and come back to fight again.
First comes the love for Carol Hannah. They universally love it, especially how it juxtaposes softness with a harder edge. "It's really good to hear that y'all see the juxtaposition of the soft with the hard," CH says, "because that's really the core of my aesthetic." Heidi: "Did she just say 'y'all?'" Oh, Heidi. Come on down, girl. We will teach you are language. Carol Hannah laughs and reminds her that "I'm from Charleston!"
Moving on, the disemboweling of Logan begins. Kojii gamely tries to take the brunt for him, saying she asked for lace and feathers. Zoe Glassner makes the first cut: "I wrote down: No. Cheap. Tacky. Prom." I love, love, love that she just wrote "No" as one of her words. Heidi also wrote "prom." Marc says the top with all the lace just looks too thick and Logan explains he had to double-up the lace because when he got it back to the workroom he saw that it was kind of a floral lace. He admits that the 50s silhouette is not something he normally would present, and that he almost scrapped the poofy bottom to make a pencil skirt. "You totally should have," Jen Rade says. "That's a classic example of you have to listen to your first instinct." Then, not satisfied with crushing his soul, she sexually harasses him: "You're really cute," she says, looking him up and down hungrily. "and I like your pants and your sneakers." Whoa! His pants/sneakers strategy actually worked. Brilliant.
They move on to Epperson. Heidi asks Matar to explain her vision for the dress. Matar says she was looking for something that was both romantic and punk, and she also wanted something that was animal-inspired. "Why is that?" Heidi asks. "Do you feel like you have the kitty cat inside of you?" Oh, Lord, the pausing and rewinding I just had to do so I could hear that 100 times. I adore her. Matar sort of mumbles something about how she is a tiger who likes to flip her hair, and rather than pointing out that she has confused a tiger for a lion, Marc Bouwer moves on to discuss Epperson's craftsmanship. He knows how difficult it is to appliqué stretch fabrics on top of each other, and he says Epperson has done a great job. "You've taken a simple silhouette that we've seen a million times," Marc says, "and you've given it, literally, a new twist." Perhaps he was specifically referencing all the straps there, but I seriously have to wonder how hard it would be to get this dress on. Have you ever tried on something with a bunch of straps in a dressing room and found yourself trapped with your neck sticking through an armhole? No? Just me, then. Anyway, Heidi says she loves the dress but that Matar um, needs help "up top." Marc says that to him, it's okay. "Maybe it's because I've been working for Victoria's Secret for too long," Heidi laughs. "For me, they have to be perky and they have to be in the right spot."
Jen Rade also likes the dress, but her compliments are so over zealous they almost sound like insults. Despite her strenuous, wide-eyed delivery, she says Epperson clearly has a concept of how clothing is made and is bringing something unique and different to the table.
They ask Emarie what she wanted in a dress, and she smilingly tells them: "I wanted something purple." Heee. She also wanted something youthful, she says, and fun. Jennifer Rade: "Here's what I wrote on my card: 'The purse is the most interesting thing about this outfit.'" SNAP. Bring this lady back, please -- she is vicious, but honest, and I love it. She says the dress is cute enough, but it shows her nothing about Johnny's design aesthetic. "The world really doesn't need more of that dress," she says, and it's so succinct and true. Heidi brings down the boom: "To me, it looks very bridesmaid." Johnny gasps like it's the ultimate insult, which it is. It's also just ill-fitting and wrinkled and has a goofy bow at the waist. Zoe adds the word that's a blessing and a curse in the fashion world: Wearable. Johnny rambles about how he can use their criticism as he goes forward.
Heidi goes for Qristyl's throat right off the bat, saying that her dress has aged Valerie 10 or 15 years. "Which, for the modeling world," she says, "is like dog years." Jen smells blood in the water and wonders why Qristyl, out of all the world's fabrics, would choose plain black jersey. Qristyl says she just wasn't sure what to get. "You picked the safest thing," Jen says, "and honestly, that never pays off." Heidi asks if Valerie likes the dress and the poor woman says that yes, she does. "That's why Valerie's not a designer," Jen jumps in, "right?" Valerie smiles: "Yeah." Jen: "Thank God." Oh, NO. She just did NOT. Damn. Valerie shoots a side look to the dying Qristyl like, "together, we will cut this bitch."
To my sweet relief they move on to Althea and her model, both of whom all the judges love. Heidi loves the way Tanisha strutted, and thinks the suit is very chic. Jennifer Rade goes nuts for the suit and says she'd like to walk out of there today with the jacket over her arm to use for a client. "I would literally buy this right now," she says. "Love it." Zoe fully agrees. "This is a suit," she says. Other than the stretched out boob-slinging tank, I have to agree, at least about the jacket. The fabric is super cool and the jacket looks great.
Everyone is dismissed, and the real judging begins. "Let's talk about who we don't like," Heidi says. "Qristyl." Aw. But, yeah, they really do not like her. Heidi thinks the dress looks like something a waitress would wear at an industry party, not a model, and Marc thinks she managed to make a simple black dress look cheap. Zoe can do nothing but shudder. Many headshakes are reserved for Logan, as well. Zoe says Kojii gave him 50s, lace and feathers, and he could have done so much more. They all agree that Johnny's dress was totally boring. "Anybody could wear that," Marc says, "and who cares?" Heidi says the designers need to be pushing the envelope. "That's why we're not responding to a black dress," she says, "or to a prom dress." They, of course, loved Althea's suit. Heidi thinks Carol Hannah's model looked both classy and sexy, and Marc points out that CH's dress not only looked good "static," but that it moved beautifully. They also liked Epperson's design and feel like it showed that he is skilled at clothes making. Heidi admits she is obsessed with boobs -- which makes me wonder why nothing was said about Althea's model, who actually has boobs. "It was definitely a new-bra situation," Zoe says, and Jen agrees. "Or," Marc suggests, "a no-boob model." They all laugh and he adds that "there are many of them out there that are very famous! Not you, Heidi."
At long last, the final decisions are made. Week after week this portion of the show is just interminable. They repeat everything we just heard twice, and it kills me. Epperson is declared in, and leaves the runway with a classy little handshake to Qristyl, which I find heartening after their drama of last week. Althea is named the winner, which she is thrilled about and she goes back stage to receive cheers and hugs. Also named "in" is Carol Hannah and, barely avoiding the bottom-two, Johnny. That leaves Qristyl and Logan. In a surprise to no one, Logan is saved. Heidi says that Qristyl's black cocktail dress was boring and, unfortunately, looked cheap. "You didn't take any chances," she says, "and that's something a successful designer needs to do." She is declared "aut" and politely thanks everyone for the opportunity. Tim seems a little sad to send her to the workroom to clear out her stuff, but off she goes, finally separating the wheat from the chaff. I feel like the "auts" are about to get a lot more painful.
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