Let's get it out of the way: you miss Jeff. I know you do -- who wouldn't? I happen to know him and he is nothing short of fabulous in every way. In fact, he is so fantastic, he's off doing something even more fantastic than this. Together we must soldier on.
This season, PR bids adieu to Bravo, home of such gems as Real Housewives of Some Place You'd Rather Die than Go if that's what People are Like There, and bonjour to Lifetime, home of television actually watched by actual housewives while they iron the actual clothes of their actual children.
There are too many designers, and taking a page from Jeff's first recaplet of last season, all I can do is break them down into the following categories:
Possibly talented: Shirin (yeah, it's Farsi?). Ra'mon. Althea. Irina. Nicolas. Louise. Logan. Malvin.
Maaaaaybe talented but probably not up to it: Mitchell. Johnny (ridiculous). Carol Hannah. Epperson. Gordana. Christopher (never heard of smocking).
Sadly deluded: Ari (she doesn't sketch). Qristyl (with a "Q").
Obvious drama queens: Too many to list.
The first challenge is very exciting. Because they are in Los Angeles, Tim Gunn delightedly tells them that they will be designing a look for the red carpet. They are each given measurements for their assigned models, commanded to sketch, and shuttled off to shop with their budget of $200.
This one dude, Johnny, a former meth addict who has tried out for this show three times, actually cries from the pressure. On Tim Gunn. It hurt me to watch it. Their results are mixed to say the least. Ultimately, Ari goes home first.
BUT FORGET ALL THAT, BECAUSE LINDSAY LOHAN IS A GUEST JUDGE.
Right off the bat, let me tell you what I love about this season of Project Runway. There's no "here's what the show is." No "we picked blah-blah strangers to live in a house." None of that boring exposition that explains the point and the contest and who anyone is or what they're doing. No. It's full-on Lagerfeld-style "if you don't know you don't deserve to know, dahling... you obviously were never in Paris," and the show just begins as if your whole life hangs in the balance of Tim Gunn's raised or lowered eyebrow. And, doesn't it, people? Doesn't it?Hello, and welcome to your Season 6 recaps. I am sorry for the rude awakening you are receiving in your beloved Jeff's absence, but listen, he is off being very important and, anyway, I am also from Alabama. We can work this out. I will try my best to live up to his legend.
Boom, the show has begun out of nowhere and we are greeted by the sinuous Ra'Mon, who is 30 and from New York. Why the apostrophe, Ra'Mon? He says that to following his dream to become a designer, he went to med school... specializing in neurosurgery? "Towards the end I realized: it would be one thing to have a career that I could be great at, but it was another thing to have a career that I could be passionate about." Forgive me, but did brother just say he left med school towards the END? To make clothes? If he wins this thing, I guess he'll be using the money to pay off the loans he took out to learn how to save people's lives from debilitating brain disorders.
Ra'Mon is greeted in the house or condo or whatever this place is, by Logan, from Seattle, and Johnny, from L.A. Logan is fine, knows it, and considers himself different from your average fashion designer because he is "a guy's guy." Hey, hot stuff? We all get the code, okay? Avoid alienating the gay boys. I know you're not on Bravo anymore but... they have this channel, too. In his annoying bio video, he attempts a macho pose by saying that if his limo breaks down on the way to Fashion Week, he'd probably "pop the hood" and figure out what's wrong with it. Oh, tell me about it, stud! If you're so tough, why are riding in a limo, Marlboro Man? Anyway. He says he has strong sewing and pattern-making skills and can figure out how to make anything with his hands. He irritates me, but I believe him.
Johnny, a mildly menschy guy with a shaved head and a goatee, tells his new roomies that this isn't his first time around the block. He auditioned for three seasons of the show. "I know why I didn't make the third and fourth seasons," he says, pausing pregnantly and forcing Ra'Mon and Logan to finally ask why. "Because I had an addiction problem." There follows an awesome shot of Ra'Mon attempting to not react and Johnny says in an interview that if he "wouldn't have overcame" that addiction, he'd probably be dead. I used to work for a guy just like Johnny -- a supermegaultra sensitive man who was not addicted to meth, but addicted to... emotions. He was a nice person, and cared about people, but what he cared most about was the drama of caring. Everything he did or said was couched in the most dramatic terms. I've been watching Johnny for literally one minute and I can already tell: this is the same dude. However, they show some quick shots of samples of his work and from what I can see, it's quite impressive. Two gorgeous dresses and a coat I would kill for.
In another condo, one of the women designers arrives. "If you give me a sheep," she says, in a wonderful, heavy accent, "I can make you a sweater." This is my girl, right here. Gordana, 44, was born in the former Soviet Yugoslavia, where the sweater makes you. Where people grow potatoes for a living and when they can't make enough of a living growing them, they distill them into vodka in order to drink themselves to death in the frozen tundra of their impoverished homeland. She now lives in Charleston, but we can only hope she stays on the show long enough to explain to some whiney beyatch (why do I feel it will be Johnny?) that crying will get you nowhere, only sewing 'til fingers bleed will make winner!
Back with the boys, the elf-like Malvin arrives, all punk-rock energy and hair. He already thinks he has it in the bag, you can feel it.
Two more women have arrived to meet Gordana. Carol Hannah, young and blonde, is also from Charleston, and though Gordana shakes her hand like she's never seen her, apparently Carol Hannah used to have a line of dresses in her store. This is weird, but what's weirder is that the other lady? Is named Qristyl. And as if I didn't already love her for that, she describes her work -- a selection of what looks like blinding satin drawstring bags -- not as "plus-size," but as "plus-sexy." Oh, girl. In a way, you are the most fabulous of all.
Also arriving is Shirin, and yes, I am spelling that correctly. Her name means "sweet" in Farsi, and she is sweet, indeed. She specializes in things that can serve multiple functions, and in her bio video shows a coat, the bottom of which can be zipped off to make a cape. Somehow, it works and is adorable, as is she.
up: the Feather Prince. Oh, what's that? You haven't heard of him? Because he's allegedly known in New York City as that, and if it's true, frankly, I am jealous. I would kill for such a nickname. Here, I'm going to try to make this happen: "I'm Al Lowe, and I'm known in Atlanta as the Sequin Baroness." Spread it around. His actual name is Nicolas, and his friends apparently joke that all he uses is chiffon, lace, feathers and champagne. Ridiculous as he is, those are some of my favorite ingredients for life, and he actually seems capable of using them professionally as he says he has worked for various fashion houses, including Marchesa, for whom he did a dress that was on the cover of Vogue. If that is the case, it is a mystery to me why he feels he needs to do this show.
Arriving now is Mitchell, who is cute and from Savannah, but already looks like he has been crying, along with the beautifully dreadlocked Epperson, and awkwardly funky Christopher, from Minnesota. When Christopher shares his provenance, by the way, Mitchell reacts like he just said he was from a cave in the woods. Um, Prince is from Minnesota, okay? Not the Prince of Feathers -- don't get confused -- but the Purple One, himself. And a man who routinely wears assless chaps and renames himself a shape is not going to live in some kind of fashion wasteland.
Here is where things get sad and confusing. Ari, who is a way cuter, far more likable clone of Samantha Ronson, arrives and is instantly weird. She likes to channel "creative options" and ask fabric what it would like to be made into. And she wants to make clothes that could also be tents that have water purification systems. Hold up -- is she saying that she wants to make a piece of clothing in which you can live and... pee, and then recycle your pee into drinking water? I feel that's what she just said. Because that already exists, and it is called the suit an astronaut wears. Which she might have learned about it when one landed on her home planet. Poor Ari -- she is CUTE, man, but she is waving her freak flag WAY too soon. She shakes the hand of Althea, who breezes in never to be seen again, and they are soon joined by New York native, Irina (who is inspired by her poodle to make handtooled leather), and Louise, the retro/vintage champion from Dallas.
Back in the boys' area, Ra'Mon helpfully comments that he is surprised that the show is being produced this season in Los Angeles, instead of New York. Yes, I understand that has been a major point of contention among the fans but, fear not. Johnny reports that the L.A. garment district is like, seven times bigger than NYC's. So, sure, that settles it. I know L.A. gets an enormously bad rap in this argument, and I am not qualified to add to the discussion, so I hereby bow out and invite you to scratch each others' eyes out in the forum.
In an interview, Carol Hannah says her designs are like, woodland fairy-meets-cocktail party. I like the sound of that, but do not like the sound of her statement in which she declares that she realizes that being blonde and from the South are things not often associated with intelligence. You pain me, Carol Hannah, especially when you lose your train of thought in mid-sentence. Also, brush your hair, sit up straight and get ready to kick ass because Gordana, who understands how lucky she is to live in Charleston vs. sleeping on a raft of frozen potatoes each night, is prepared to represent for S.C.
Meanwhile, Epperson is blowing the minds of the boys in his room merely by demonstrating his levelheaded maturity and normalcy. While the other guys are all in their 20s, he is 46 and a family man. He's so refreshingly serene and pleasant, in fact, we pretty much never see him again.
Everyone is excited to receive an invitation to join Heidi and Tim on the roof of the building for a welcome toast. Heidi, of course, is completely and utterly gorgeous and Tim Gunn is, well, what remains to be said? He is pure greatness. The designers are told they will be working out of the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, "the leading fashion institute... of this city." Ouch. No need to dwell on what is obviously a veiled bodyslam to L.A.'s fashion claims, because Heidi is clapping her hands and insisting on learning more about her hopeful charges. Louise amusingly says that she is from "Tixis" and Heidi must be from Charleston or something, because she cracks wise that Loui
se's hair isn't very big, at all. Such hilarity. I lived in Dallas for several years, and Louise is in fact rocking the East Dallas look to perfection. Shine on, girl. She seems to have bonded here at this roof party with Malvin, who is also severely working his own personal aesthetic: Vietnamese androgyny. Heidi admires his hair, a half-faux-semi-hawk that features what appears to be a string of beads. We're left to wonder if she also admires the hair of Althea, which is fried within a living inch of white, giving her quite the Debbie Harry charm. She, like Nicolas, seems to have some professional industry experience.We learn a bit more about Christopher, our Minnesotan who, because of a death in his family, was never able to go to college or design school. However, he has worked on it on his own, teaching himself how to sew and make things. "I'm pretty good at using the resources I have available to me," he says. We see a shot of a dress he made for three dollars which, while definitely... a dress, does look a little like it was maybe made for three dollars. I'm sorry! He seems ready and willing to learn, though, which is nice.
Breaking up the party, Heidi announces that they must leave to rest up for tomorrow's challenge. "Project Runwaaaay" she screams, holding her champagne aloft, and the contestants follow suit in a kind of faboo sieg heil.
Apparently, the night passes without incident, and the designers head out the morning to meet Tim, not just anywhere, but on the red carpet of the 60th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at the Nokia Theater L.A. LIVE. Poor Tim having to say such an annoying sentence -- I have to wonder if he gets tired of all this branding he is responsible for getting across. This is an appropriate venue in which to be inspired for today's challenge, which will be to design an ensemble suitable for a star to wear on the red carpet. Tim reminds them that that can encompass a variety of looks -- from the Oscars to the VMAs -- and they head off to FIDM to see their workspaces. Everyone is thrilled with the challenge, and I don't blame them. I was so afraid it would be something like, "welcome to the Venice Beach farmer's market; your challenge is to construct a garment out of these discarded banana peels!" Creating a red carpet design is something a designer would actually DO, which makes this a refreshing task. They've each been assigned a model for the first challenge and receive cards listing their measurements. "Oh, she has big feet like me!" Ari says, and though it must cause Tim's teeth to grate, he merely responds with a cheerful "yeah!" as you would to a mental patient who was talking about... garments that feature water purification systems. He gives them 30 minutes to sketch their design, after which he says he'll be back to take them shopping.
Everyone leaps upon their sketch pads. Christopher immediately has a vision of a textured dress with a full skirt, featuring a belt to pull the volume in. His sketch looks like an anime cartoon, which I find really endearing. The guy is self-taught, but he is really going for it, and I immediately get hopeful that he can pull it off. The opposite of endearing is Malvin who says he watches no red carpets and, actually, doesn't differentiate between the colors of carpets. He's maybe kidding, but... the sneer? It's real. I know fashion design, at its height, is an art form and I can appreciate that, but ultimately you need to sell whatever it is you are creating in order to create more of it, so someone, at some point, is going to need to wear, in public, something you made. Right? So, get to sketchin'.
Speaking of sketching, Tim has mercifully left the workroom when Ari pulls the needle off the record: "What if we don't sketch?" she shouts to her compatriots, and I think Epperson's horrified look speaks for us all. No, she doesn't sketch, she tells the camera with a shrug. She simply meditates on the garment and what it needs and who will be wearing it, and then she makes it. By the way, she's wearing a full body suit of many colors, under a pair of green shorts. While her fellow designers sketch, she does a handstand against the wall. Please don't get me wrong -- she's cute and everything, but I think she might not understand the difference between creativity and creative ability. She can't be blamed -- many, many people have become confused about this distinction because of reality television. See also the separation between vocal talent and volume; interpersonal romance and personal lust for attention; and, just generally, fame and infamy.
At Mood, the contestants engage in the familiar mad dash through the store, sighing and slinging around bolts of fabric. Qristyl panics because there is only one person cutting fabric and takes matters into her own hands, purchasing scissors so that she can cut hers, herself. "I gotta do what I gotta do," she says. Impressive. Shirin says in an interview that she loves to watch old movies and will design something with old Hollywood glamour.
Back in the workroom, everyone gets to work. Tim reminds them that innovation is key to the challenge. Ra'Mon becomes so inspired thinking of someone walking down the red carpet in something he designed, he actually tears up in an interview. Yeah, I am thinking getting out of brain surgery was a good idea after all. Aw, just kidding -- his sketch looks cool, and he is obviously excited to be doing this.
Less inspired, however, is Johnny, who has like one ribbon of fabric on his dressmaker's form, and seems to be juuuuuust stepping to the edge of a spiral about it. "I think I'm gonna change my whole design," he says, seemingly to himself, but just loud enough for others to hear so that they will be forced to respond. Qristyl, busy with her own (hideous) fabric, actually takes time to encourage him to stop second-guessing himself and tells him he's good. While he's fleebusing around, looking for sympathy, Mitchell is preparing to smock. "What's smocking?" Christopher asks, in all innocence, and not since "I don't sketch," which, okay, was just a few minutes ago, have I smacked my forehead with such violence. Christopher. How many self-help books on fashion can you have read if you have never heard of smocking? You alarm me. Mitchell, though he is fluttering under the pressure, sort of explains it to him. What someone ought to do, however, is explain normal behavior to Johnny, who is now approaching a meltdown at full speed. Don't think me uncharitable, Internet. I believe the guy had a drug problem, certainly. But he is rolling out the drama wagon like he's on a Mexican soap opera. No one can even understand what he's so upset about, as he panics needlessly that his design is not good enough. "I feel like I'm completely lost," he whines, "and this has never happened to me, before." Oh, I imagine it has maybe happened to you, before. He Eeyores over to Ra'Mon, saying he feels like maybe he just needs to go sleep for a while. Poor Ra'Mon, confused by this sudden and ridiculous downturn, astutely points out in an interview that Johnny really has nothing to prove to anyone but himself. Out of what I can only perceive as pure kindness, Ra'Mon actually bothers to go out of the workroom and talk to Johnny who has not gone to sleep, but merely has flopped into a chair. Johnny says he is feeling so emotional, he might just decide to throw in the towel. "I just know my limits," he tells Ra'Mon, "and I feel like I've reached one right now. I just never thought it would be like this!" Has he never seen an episode of this show for which he auditioned three times? He's like a little kid who is faking a stomach ache to avoid going to school. I sometimes feel this way when I don't want to go to the gym -- all right, every time -- but I believe my husband would choke me if I started downright whining like this dude. I say this without an ounce of snark: if he's really in addiction recovery, he probably needs a meeting.This is not what I had in mind, but apparently Tim Gunn, MD, is called for a consult. Bless this man's heart, because Johnny is losing it. While everyone else works diligently, he broods alone on a couch in the hallway. Did they have to drag Tim out of bed and pour him into a suit to deal with this fool? It's ridiculous -- Johnny sobs out that he sketched four different things "and I hate 'em; I completely hate 'em." Tim kindly wonders if maybe Johnny is being too hard on himself. Johnny cries some more and says that maybe he isn't ready for all of this, emotionally, and that he doesn't want to fail again. "Nor do I want you to," Tim says, and I consider nominating him for a Nobel Prize for continued humanity in the face of nonstop foolishness. He reminds Johnny that he has overcome a great deal. "And I know how talented you are," he adds. "And you know what, Johnny? You can do it!" With that, he raises his arms to hug Johnny, indicating that this bout of self-serving attention-mongering should now be at an end. The thing is, of course the dude is freaking out. He has been through a hard time and is fragile. Everybody has to flip their lid every once in a while on national TV, but if this becomes a theme and he has repeated episodes, the world will lose patience with him. Just live, Johnny. Stop trying to make your life so hard.
Back in the workroom, Johnny says Tim, god that he is, has saved his life. "I'm done acting a fool," he says, to no one, and it appears that no one responds. You know why? Because they've been working. After a night's sleep, Johnny says he feels much better.
Malvin picks up the fool-acting when describing his creation, which he calls "ineffable," going on to laugh that no one really knows how to describe his gowns, because there's not a "vocab" for them, yet. Well, let me give it a shot: so far your dress looks like you are using the bandages of a fairly clean mummy to put together a look wholly inappropriate for any red carpet. Meanwhile, Ari appears to be making poorly-constructed silver octagon pouches that she is scratching somehow to "create my own texture." She's worried taking time to make these scratches will cause her to have a problem with time on this challenge. Right, that is going to be the biggest problem.
The day, the designers reassemble at FIDM and get back to work. Johnny feels better after a good night's sleep. Gordana and Christopher discuss with Ra'Mon and a few others what they feel like they've missed by not going to design school. Creative work is a weird animal, isn't it? School can obviously be helpful in so many areas, but then again, natural talent will get you pretty far. However, it's handy to know how to smock and incorporate a godet, or at least it would be handy to have heard of these things, as Christopher is finding out. I'd like to hear more of this discussion, but it must halt as Tim Gunn arrives to strike love and fear into the hearts of the contestants. He tells Christopher that he likes what he has created, but that styled the wrong way it could be too "cruise line cocktail waitress." Christopher pales under his jaunty baseball cap and Tim glides over to Ari's table to ask how her "geodesic dome" is coming. Okay, when I went to look that link up so I could throw it in there and saw that it features Epcot Center's Spaceship Earth? I really, seriously, nearly died. First of all, yes, Ari's "creation" looks pretty much like that photo. I mean, I was going to go with "silver soccer ball," but no, Tim Gunn destroys that metaphor and takes it to a new level. But then my mind went all over the place imagining Tim and Heidi at Disney World riding smoothly through the Hall of Presidents, discussing whether or not Daisy Duck was making her pink pumps "work," wondering if it really is a small world, after all. Tears, tears. I had to take a moment. Anyway, we should all well cry when looking at this thing Ari has come up with, with her octagons. She says that the puffy, silver creation will "basically" be a halter dress with a large hood. Tim actually wrinkles his nose. "Forgive me," he says, "I'm worried that this is going to look like a halter-diaper." That's exactly what it looks like. A halter-diaper in space. "Hmm," Ari says, and says that she's not too worried. Most likely she's not worried because the voices in her head are telling her to construct this garment for her evil twin, so you know, she wouldn't be. Realizing this, Tim lies that he believes in her and runs away.
Ra'Mon, showing great progress on his aubergine dress, says that he is working on incorporating architectural elements. You can see that he has structured pieces of fabric in the shoulder area that look nice, but he's worried about the backend. "I don't want to give her a big butt," he says, "so it might be sculptural around it? I don't know." Yeah -- there's not much call for sculpting pieces of architecture to emphasize the exact shape of your ass. Tim agrees. "The big butt is a biiiig but," he says.
Mitchell affectedly refers to Tim as "Mr. Gunn," and shows off all the smocking he's been doing. His dress is actually quite pretty, I think, in a... Victorian water-color kind of sheer-nude sort of thing? You know, like you see on all the red carpets? Really, the fabric is pretty -- it is a shade of nude moving down into an ombre blue. Now, the top is a Victorian n
eck ruff, and the entire mid-section seems to be smocked, but I actually think it has potential. Tim seems to agree, or at least he's intrigued. He says it will be interesting to see how Mitchell pulls off these elements in 2009.we have Qristyl, who tells Tim she has decided to change from her original inspiration, the Oscars, to the Emmys. Her dress... looks like something a parrot would wear to a gay bar. A cartoon parrot. To a gay bar in the cartoon tropics. It is bright purple, accented with a shirred ruffle in another bright, ridiculous pattern down one side. It's hard to say if it is constructed well, because the shine coming off the hideous satin has blinded me. She says she had intended to go for something dramatic. "You don't think this is dramatic?!" Tim asks, losing his perfectly balanced composure for a split-second. "Is it dramatic in a good way to you?" she asks, cheerfully. At this, Tim is momentarily struck dumb. His mouth falls open and he can speak no more. The effervescent Qristyl cannot help but notice. "You pausin' too long," she says. Finally, Tim breaks the spell this concoction has put on him and says he doesn't want her to ask him if it's dramatic in the right way, he wants her to ask herself. The poor man.
The models arrive for a one-hour fitting, and the energy goes through the roof. "This right here is what I want for everything that you do for me," Johnny can be heard telling his model who is giving him a sample walk. Ugh. Can the man refrain from cheeseballiness for one segment? Please. Over in Mitchell's corner, a tragedy is occurring. Allegedly, the sizes on his model card were wrong, and his dress won't fit the girl. In a show of solidarity, Ra'Mon's model tells him "you got this," and the models head out again. Ari then tries on her own dress over her clothes. Qristyl says in an interview that while it is "interesting," she's not sure what red carpet Ari was going for. It was nice of her to be that nice about it, since the thing looks like something a third grader would construct by cutting a hole in a sleeping bag and tying it at the neck.
Mitchell, meanwhile, is still tripping. Because his dress won't fit the model, he has nothing but a collar to work with. I am not really clear why he can't just rework it a little to fix it, but apparently it can't be done. When they return to work the morning, he is in a seriously bad state. The only fabric he has left over is similar to pantyhose. "I'm in big trouble," he says. They must break to style the girls, and while everyone is getting hair and makeup done, he is stitching his poor model into what appears to be a set of sheer curtains, with nothing under it. "He's basically sending down a nude model," Nicolas interviews. "I think this is a first for Project Runway." Christopher, who I would like if only he would stop wearing his baseball caps sideways, KFed-style, stands by as Mitchell rattles off his drop-dead-last-minute design to stitch the model into some fabric dress and then cut it short. "Is that a good plan?" he asks. Christopher: "I think it's a... plan."
Makeup is liberally applied to all the other models in the room while Ari literally rats the hair of her model into a tragic before-picture look like something out of a shampoo commercial. "I'm trying not to damage your hair," Ari says, ratting away, and the girl's face says it all. With 10 minutes remaining, everyone scurries around doing last-minute touches, zipping and sewing. Mitchell says he has a dress to send down the runway, but he's really worried about what the judges are going to say about his nude model. Perhaps they will tell her to go back and put a real dress on. Gordana's model looks like she could be Gordana's daughter. Tim comes back in and gives them the final push, and it's on to the runway.
Heidi looks superfabulous, natch, and comes out to give them the "you're in or your aut" speech, and introduce the judges, Nina Garcia and Michael Kors. Oh, I am sure you've missed them. They look ready and willing to eviscerate. But, listen, none of this matters, because there is a guest judge AND THAT JUDGE IS LINDSAY LOHAN. Somehow this information had slipped past me in my, admittedly limited, preparation for this episode's viewing. So, when Lindsay strolls out with her extensions flowing in the breeze and her leggings in full effect? Well, what was I to do but scream? Her fake tan glowing like the red dirt caked on the side of my car, she emerges to the cheers of the contestants.
This is the part where I really hate that there are 16 designers, because I love dresses and feel like I have to say something about each one of them. There are some really interesting, if not beautiful, designs to be seen here. Really they can be categorized into The Good, The Eh, and The OH, NO. My favorite part is how it's all edited so that the most talented designers get the least amount of attention. I guess if they're really good they'll be staying longer and thus will be seen again in weeks to come, but it's a shame their work in this good challenge will get ignored. I mean, in six weeks they will probably be forced to use living fire ants to make swimsuits or something.
First out is Althea's dress, and it lands decidedly in the good camp. A satin-y, glamorous lavender halter number with a textured white bodice, fitted at the waist with sort of a cummerbund effect. Really pretty.
Gordana says that the only thought she has watching her short green sheath come down the runway is that she feels like she is good enough and belongs in the competition. The top of the dress is strapless and features a geometrical, 3D design. It is really interesting, and certainly a beautiful color.
Speaking of color, Malvin hasn't used any. His dress is some kind of silvery-white that is coming over the television looking to me like straight-up burlap. It's a short, sleeveless number with really well-designed pleating on the top. I am not doing justice to the design, really, because it's good, but... red carpet? It even looks kind of business-ish to me. Maybe for the Sundance Awards. Oooh, the Cable Ace! No?
Here comes the naked model. "It's not like stars haven't walked the red carpet half-naked before, or wearing sheer garment before," Mitchell says. "But, the minute she turns around is when things get a little bit iffy." On that first part, he has a point, but yes, when she turns around Nina Garcia's eyebrows lift one millimeter in shock as we all stare at the model's thong, plainly visible.
It's a shame it's overshadowed by Mitchell's naked lady, because Louise's dress is , and it is really quite lovely. I am not sure why the trend persists that everyone has to have what looks like an enormous fabric corsage on one shoulder, but in her dress, it actually works. She says she's a little disappointed that the two-tone gray effect she was going for sort of got lost in the mix, but really, the dress is shaped very flatteringly and looks fairly skillfully sewn.
Christopher's creation is , and he is so overwhelmed seeing his dress on the runway, he starts crying. Gentlemen of Project Runway, please pull yourselves together. I cannot go an entire season handing you virtual hankies. His dress is a short, voluminous confection of what appears to be a pink-ish tiered skirt and a textured, asymmetrical black bodice, cinched with a belt. It's nice and looks youthful.
Ra'Mon watches his gown go by now and it appears to have come together very well. It certainly fits the model like a glove. "Do I think they'll love it? Yes, I do," he says. "Because I love it." Clearly, his earlier confidence is undaunted.
Cutie Shirin's dress is , and it is wonderful. She loves to make things that serve multiple purposes, and what she's done is concoct a skirt that is long enough and full enough in the back to function as a cape (covered on the underside with a sparkling fabric). But when the model drops the cape down, it seamlessly flows back into a skirt. I'm not explaining this well, and it may be something that, if worn on a red carpet, would receive mixed reviews, but it's so p
retty, I can't help but love it. I will wear it when I am nominated for a Golden Globe (I just typed Golden Glove at first -- I'd wear something else to that red carpet).Epperson's dress is and it is so swiftly on and off that all I can say about it is that it's dark and has some kind of ruffle detail at the bottom. I noticed that because the only thing that really struck me is that the dress looks like it was too short for the model. Epperson says he is feeling the pressure.
Irina's model flows onto the runway and the dress is so beautiful and so silky, I have to hit slow motion just so I can look at it longer. In truth, it has a bit of a wedding gown feel to me. The top is lace and there is a velvet ribbon at the waist, but I wouldn't care if the model sang "here comes the bride," it is gorgeous. Not particularly daring, but beautiful. Or, at the very least, it's beautifully presented.
In stark contrast is Ari's "dress." It's basically just a deflated silver soccer ball serving as a top, with some hoochie shorts completing the ensemble. Tragic in every way. The weirdest thing is to see Lindsay Lohan looking at it. If Samantha Ronson was younger, cuter and ever ate food, she'd be Ari, and I bet Lindsay would wear this thing, for real. Lindz, let me upgrade you -- go for Ari! She is (spoiler alert) about to have some free time on her hands.
Johnny is so lucky that his model is, basically, Foxy Brown, because girl comes down the runway wearing the hell out of his red dress. Something about it feels very disco-chic, and I like it. It's not great, but it's absolutely not terrible, and you have to wonder what he was crying about. It's SO red that the trim of black sequins maybe are a little too much, but it damn sure looks good on this model.
Carol Hannah, who is adorbs and I pretty much love, is extremely pleased with her dress. It also has a lot of what I can only describe as architectural elements on the bodice, and looks quite cool and her model is well-styled.
Again, we move quickly from something sort of great, to a great big ol' mess. Qristyl's dress, described in all it's tragedy elsewhere in this recap, is an even bigger wreck than we thought. The judges are so busy ripping it to shreds on their cards, they don't even see the back of the dress, which is passably good.
Logan's dress is , and it isn't horrible, I guess, but on screen it looks like something you might wear to prom if you went to high school in Thunderdome. Just too industrial and silver and, worse, wrinkled.
Nicolas, eschewing feathers for what appears to be leather straps wrapped around a short black sleeveless sheath, feels confident that the judges will like his "a-may-sing" garment.
OMG, is that it? Thank God. Heidi calls forward ten of the designers who are then dismissed as safe. Remaining are those designers with the highest and lowest scores. They are who you might expect.
Qristyl's model comes out and Heidi asks what award show she will be attending. Qristyl says she is going to the Emmys, which I believe is a decent call, though I might push it to the Daytime Emmys. This is a painful ordeal that I wish I could watch on mute, especially when Qristyl suggests that maybe Miley Cyrus would wear this dress, OR MAYBE LINDSAY LOHAN. First of all, Q, those chicks ain't going to the Emmys. Secondly, I must hand it to Lindsay that she somehow maintained her composure and did not laugh out loud. For, though I have seen her wear some hideous clothing, even SHE would not stoop to this. Lindsay is more than kind when she says that the back of the dress is made quite beautifully. "But the focus is going to get taken off the back of the dress," she adds, "and everything is just going to get hammered because of the front." Heidi lays it down: "The front is a mess." Kors and Garcia bring up the rear: this is a terrible dress.
Christopher says his model is going to the VMAs. Everyone likes it, with a few caveats. The pink-ish fabric is sort of wrong -- Heidi dislikes the color and Lindsay would like less ruffles in it. Otherwise, Nina likes that, though cute, it has kind of a dark, romantic quality to it, and Michael agrees, saying he wrote on his card that it was both cute and edgy.
Ra'Mon's dress is an overall hit, but they feel like it's a tad too safe. Kors suggests he pump it up color-wise. I can't tell if it's really dark eggplant or navy, but I agree. In any case, they all like it.
And now, we come to Ari. Nina gives her a tight-lipped smile that is absolutely bone chilling. Ari says she also designed for the VMAs, you know, in 2080. Will MTV start playing videos again by 2080, I wonder? And on the same night, she thinks the wearer of this thing could go and accept her Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, in 2080, they'll be giving Nobel Prizes to robots dressed as space tramps. The judges can't even handle this poor girl. "She looks like a disco soccer ball," Kors says. "You still have to find some kind of beauty in the oddity." Ari says she knows it's "out there," but she loves it. "But the person who's wearing it has to love it more," Lindsay says, and do I detect a hint of flirtatiousness? Go for it, sister. She goes on to say that she respects that Ari wants to be creative, but that she has to maintain an awareness that someone might want to wear these things. Nina further softens the (multiple) blows by saying that she appreciates that Ari has a very conceptual process of design.
Johnny is, amazingly, dry-eyed, when it comes time to show off his dress. They all love it, though they would like to see it in another color, maybe black. Again, it looks great on the model, but when Johnny says he was imagining it as a dress that could be worn to a movie premiere, I have to wonder why he doesn't say Grammys. This dress is SO Grammys. In 1976. The back is so low you can almost see crack, even. It's Grammys all the way.
Mitchell must now explain his fiasco with the wrong measurements that lead to him parading a girl in the nude in front of Lindsay Lohan. Heidi delivers the ultimate lesson: never trust the model. She's never the age or the measurements she says she is. Wise words. I guess he left zero fabric allowance and could not bounce back, but I still wonder how it came to this. Nina says that though this thing is completely unwearable, there is an attitude about the dress that makes her wonder what else Mitchell can do. Michael Kors says that it's obviously something he was desperately trying to whip together, and that what he achieved was a cool nightgown. Heee.
The judges discuss, repeating pretty much what they've just said. Lindsay thinks Ra'Mon's dress was the closest to his red carpet vision. They all like Johnny's if it was in the right color, with the right shoes, etc. Heidi says of all of them, she would most likely wear Christopher's as it has some youth to it. They all agree it is good. Also a unanimous agreement is that maybe Qristyl has bad taste. They are all flummoxed by Ari, whose shtick is so powerful she has Michael Kors thinking maybe the problem is him. Maybe, he says, she's like one of those designers where you're thinking, "do I not get this? Maybe I'm not smart enough to get this..." Aw. Michael Kors, your tan alone is smart enough to get the soccer ball. It's just bad. Lindsay tries not to, but she finally has to laugh. They say again that Mitchell's dress, obviously, no one could wear.
The six designers on the hot-seat return to the runway where Heidi reviews the rules. One of them will "win" the challenge and receive immunity for the round, and one of them will be sent packing. Like Chinese water torture, they slowly go through the six. In the end, Christopher is named the winner. He is thrilled and goes backstage to embrace Johnny where they both cry like girls. Ra'Mon, when called safe, flashes a beautiful smile, says thank you, and departs with a stage-whispered "I love you, Lindsay!" Saved by the miracle of Ari's awfulness, and Mitchell's major screw-up, Qristyl lives to see another day. "Ari," Heidi says, when she and Mitchell are the only two left. "we did not know what was going on with your look, and we don't think you did either." Heidi says it's one thing to aim outside of the box, and another to miss it completely. So true. While they thought Mitchell's look was unwearable, he's allowed to stay, which means Ari is out. "Someone's got to be the first to leave Project Runway," she says in her exit interview. "And it might as well be me." Well, it is. She says that taking risks can be a good thing, but that one must take risks responsibly and with those truest words ever spoken, she's gone.
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