This was a really boring reunion. Perhaps this bunch is too civilized for some good drama? It begins with Heidi and Tim and the designers, minus the final four, who are brought out shortly thereafter. We see some footage of the events surrounding Jack's exit, and apparently Victorya was upset and angry about it. Could mean anything, right? Well, no one explains it and it's driving me insane. Upset that they didn't halt the show for him? Upset that they brought Chris back? Upset that Jack was there when he was sick? I don't know, and nobody's telling me. Jack is still contemplating whether or not he'll come back season.
We see a montage of gay Kevin footage. He's a very good sport about it and Tim says that if this show didn't make Kevin gay, nothing will. There's new footage of Elisa acting wacky, which I really liked. There's a reel of the million times that Ricky cried and he seems annoyed that it's being shown, but pretty much handles it like a champ. I wish I knew what he was expecting. Michael and Nina join the reunion, and we see some really funny footage of Michael seriously losing it during the runway show for the Diva challenge. He could not stop laughing and it was amazing. They ask a bunch of questions from the Bravo site that are actually pretty good, like "Which was the worst design?" and "Are any of you upset about anything anyone else said?" Carmen's a "yes" for the latter. Apparently, Sweet P and Kit didn't seem sufficiently upset that she was eliminated and that was hard for her to take. Kit hugs her and Jillian assures her that they were all sad to see Carmen go.
There's a montage of Christian saying "fierce." America loves it, and he is crowned Viewers' Favorite! The designers are fairly split on who they think will win in the end. Even though Rami hasn't been passed through to the end, there are votes for Jillian, Rami, and Christian. Some people say that they are interested to see what Chris will do, but nobody's betting on him.
Previously: Season 4 of Project Runway happened. It was equal parts fierce and like the poo-ing of fabric.
It's reunion time! I can't help but hold onto a little of the childlike anticipation of this special show, but...let's face it, it's never exciting. Except for the first year, when whosit British lady got drunk and spilled her wine. That whole episode was actually kind of exciting, as I recall.
We're at the Parson's runway, but sans runway. Heidi greets the designers, who are in their usual runway spots, except now they're on fancy couches. She and Tim welcome them, and Heidi says that they look more relaxed. Tim agrees, then Heidi reminisces about how tense all of the designers looked when they were having their designs judged. Imagine that.
Heidi asks all of the designers how their new notoriety is suiting them. Kevin says that it's a little weird, since their lives haven't changed in regards to their jobs (yet...hopefully?). So, it's odd for them to be walking around at their jobs having people recognize them. Heidi directs this question specifically to Simone, who she points out left on the "early side". Simone says (and I'm assuming this will be the first and last time we hear from her this episode) that things are good and she and Kit got accosted in the airport by a bunch of young girls who wanted their autographs.
Kit says that she gets emails from 8-year old girls who send scans of their illustrations and solicit her for advice. She says that the best part of the show has been being "a positive inspiration to young kids who want to design." Yeah yeah. Maybe that's true, but it always embarrasses me when people say shit like that. Elisa chimes in that it's great when young girls come up to her and tell her how she gave them hope that it's okay to be different. Alright, I want numbers. How many girls did this? If the girls were together, that doesn't count. How many groups of girls expressed their admiration this way? Do you know what I'm saying? ["You're saying Diablo Cody hasn't inspired as many sardonic teens as she lets on?" -- Joe R]
Sweet P says her favorite part is when celebrities recognize her. Jack Black and Catherine Keener said she was their favorite. That's kind of awesome. She adds that Brad Pitt was nearby when this happened, so she couldn't believe that they would care about her at all. She loved it.
Heidi says that she wants to know how it has been for Victorya, and Tim points out that Victorya just had a show at Fashion Week. Everyone applauds and she tersely thanks them. She says that it was a lot of work, but the turnout was great and she has gotten some good write-ups. Tim earnestly congratulates her again, because it's quite an achievement to get your stuff shown.
Heidi asks the designers, based on their first impressions of each other, who they thought would be showing at Fashion Week. Marion (totally forgot about him) says he immediately thought that Carmen would be a finalist. She tells him that he's very sweet. Jack -- who looks perfectly healthy, yay! -- says that he honestly thought that everyone was very talented. Heidi directs the question specifically to Stephen, and he tells a story about watching Rami spend hours and hours draping his first design. He thought he was going to be in trouble, but, in the end, the dress was gorgeous. Stephen was blown away.
Heidi says that she wants to "cut to the chase" and bring out the finalists. First up, it's Christian, he poses all haute couture behind the scrim before he comes out. Heidi asks him how long he spent on his hair today. He replies that he did it four times, and Heidi assures him that it's "fierce." Oh God, this is going to be a long show.
up is Jillian, who picks up her skirt behind the scrim. She comes out and tells the designers that she had missed them. Heidi introduces Rami as the "draping master" and he snaps his fingers before entering from behind the scrim. It looks a little like he was forced to snap like that. When Chris is introduced, he just sort of waves from behind the scrim. Apparently, no amount of coercion was going to make Chris curtsy or whatever the hell he was supposed to do before entering.
Tim says that the judges were gridlocked this year regarding the third person who would show at Fashion Week, and they show a clip of the final judging. We watch Chris and Rami watching themselves and, at one point, Chris reaches over and puts his hand on Rami's knee. Rami, in turn, puts his hand on top of Chris's hand. I guess they have just shared a stressful experience (including the months of designing their own collections at home) and have a bond, but that felt really intimate.
When the clip is over, Heidi asks them how they felt after the judges' decision. Now Rami has his arm around Chris. What is happening? Chris says that he still gets choked up thinking about it. He was shocked when she said that he was in. And, when she said that Rami was in he thought, "You are not doing this!" But, they did. Rami pats Chris on the arm and says to Heidi (while looking at Chris) that the judgment brought him and Chris closer together because they knew they had the same battle facing them. And they also knew they wanted to get married? They're totally in love right now.
Tim asks them how they feel about their collections. Chris says that he loves his collection and that it's maybe a little "kooky." Rami laughs at this, because love means laughing at the other's jokes. Chris says it's not too kooky though and, whether or not it ends up in the finals, he's thrilled with it.
Rami says that he is very proud of his collection and hopes that the judges like it, and that they allow him to "speak [his] voice as a designer." I bet his designer voice sounds a lot like boring. Ricky is looking at him like he wants to shoot him. He really needs to find some sort of balance with his meds.
Heidi asks Chris what going to Fashion Week would mean to him and he says that it would mean that he beat Rami at something. And, it's the "Super Bowl" of fashion. Tim agrees with his assessment. Chris mimics his head exploding in the event that he gets to go.
Heidi introduces Jack as someone who they had hoped would make it to Fashion Week, but his health problems kept him from doing that. We see clips of Jack's crazy swollen lip and his withdrawal from the show. Sweet P gets a little choked up watching the part where he leaves. When the clip is finally over, most of them are crying. Jack says that he feels fine now. Heidi asks Christian how Jack's departure affected him (because that's really all that matters, right?). He said he had grown close to Jack since they had just worked together. He says it hit them like a big storm, but enough with all that nastiness, he's glad he gets to see him now!
Then, weirdest thing ever. Tim says that Victorya was upset too, and a little angry. She agrees that, yes, she was "upset." "Upset" is somehow especially operative in that sentence. She was upset. Why? We'll never ever know. Maybe they weren't told about Jack's HIV status and she was pissed? Maybe she was annoyed that they didn't stop the show and wait for Jack to get better? Maybe she was annoyed that Chris got to come back after being eliminated? Seriously, nobody asks and she doesn't answer this at all. I'm going crazy here. Heidi just points out that she thinks that Victorya is uptight and Tim agrees. Seriously, I don't know what the hell is going on here.
Just because they've made this all like Remains of the Day and I'm stuck picking up clues from body language, I'm going to guess that Vicyoria was upset about not knowing Jack's HIV status. If it's not true, I totally take it back because that would be a shitty thing to have said about you if it were false. But, Jesus people, they didn't give me anything and I HAVE TO KNOW. So Heidi asks Jack if he'll consider coming back season, and when they show him he's looking towards Victorya. He has a pretty flat look on his face, so I'm guessing that he's not looking at her like an ally. It could still be the part about Chris coming back, but really I don't know. He says that the three questions he gets asked the most are 1) Is Tim that nice?, 2) Is Heidi that pretty?, and 3) Are you coming back season? He says he's not sure if he'll come back. But, yes to the first two questions. This makes Heidi snap in a circle. Seal has a lot of work to do.
Now Heidi is going to ask some questions from the Bravo website. The first one is for Kevin. "Are you sure you're not gay?" He laughs good-naturedly and says that he's been hanging out with Jack and thus has visited every gay bar in New York. He lives with his girlfriend though, so all us boys are safe. Heidi asks Tim if he's convinced and he says, "Not entirely." Then, there's a montage of gay Kevin stuff. First, we see him on the phone with his girlfriend and he tells her that he has "plenty of girlfriends." But he's talking about the boys. Does that make him gay? Then, we see Jack telling him that he's going to speak "fluent gay" by the time he leaves. , Kevin wakes up and Jack is nude in the apartment. He says that he doesn't like clothes. Kevin interviews that Jack needs to put clothes on and he's trying so hard to not be gay on the show. Okay, Kevin says stupid stuff, but none of that really makes him look gay. It's more like gay stuff while Kevin is there. We see some outtakes of the menswear judging, and Heidi apparently told Kevin that his outfit looked "too fruity." That was why she didn't want Seal wearing it. Kevin interviewed that if he had to make an outfit for Seal, he would make one even more effeminate. Kevin laughs nervously while watching that part. Jack interviews that he finds Kevin adorable. Then, they're in the apartment and Kevin says that it was weird sleeping alone and Jack offers to sleep with him. What a giver! Finally, Kevin interviews that, maybe he was gay in a former life, but the gay stuff doesn't bother him at all. Poor dumb Kevin. Tim concludes that if Project Runway didn't make Kevin gay, nothing will.
The audience question is "Who do you think will win the fan favorite challenge?" Instantly, everyone chimes in with "Chris." Carmen says that it's between Chris and Christian. Jillian thinks it will be Sweet P, who says she would like the $10 grand prize. Chris says that he voted for Tim, which is pretty brown-nosey and not at all possible.
Heidi says that she gets asked whether or not the show is as grueling as it appears on TV. Lord knows it looks like Heidi is working her ass off all of the time. The designers emphatically say that it is very rigorous. Christian says that "it's a tranny mess," which just became funny to me. I don't know what happened. Christian says that they work all of the time and they're always eating Chinese food, which he points out "is not pretty for everyone." Apparently, they fart. Now, they cut to a shot of Victorya right now and either they're tagging her as the farter or the editor was like, "Chinese food...let's show Victorya." Either way: nice. Jack says that being on the show was the best diet ever, because he lost ten pounds. Of course, he had some other stuff going on too. Carmen says that she also lost weight. Elisa offers up a great quote from Kit, who is sitting right beside her but still gets quoted. Kit apparently said, "My boyfriend put a woman on the plane, and he's gonna get back a 13-year old boy." Elisa says that when women lose weight, it comes from their boobs and butts. Chris says that the show began at full speed on the first day and they never had time to stop and think about it. It was a blur.
Segue where Tim tells us that the hard work and lack of sleep make some of the designers feel like they were living on another planet, and one of the designers had a reputation for seeming like she came from another planet! He's talking about Elisa. She kind of dances around when she realizes he's talking about her. They show a montage of people talking about her being weird. We see the SJP challenge where she spit-marked her garment. They show her explaining something at the judging, and she was totally weird. I don't even know how the hell to describe it except that she was swooshing through the air and saying that sometimes you make a piñata and sometimes you make couture. Yeah. She tells someone on a phone call that she had a dream that she was on an alien planet with cannibalistic humanoids. Jack interviews that she's "cuckoo" and says that she writes backwards in her journal. Kevin says that she is like Mork from Mork and Mindy. We see her spray something on a garment and she tells Sweet P that it dispels bad spirits and rejuvenates people. Chris tells her to keep her brainwaves off of him. We see him laugh real hard at that clip. Elisa says that she knows that people don't understand how she does things, but that doesn't make her methods not good. That's true. The montage gets applause when it's over. She explains the spit-marking as a way of blessing the fabric, which actually seems kind of sweet. She got the writing backwards thing from Leonardo Da Vinci as a way of writing poetry that was less conscious, which also seems kind of cool. But then Heidi asks her to tell her what her name is backwards and she instead says "Runway" backwards. That was stupid.
The viewer question asks what the designers' favorite challenge was. Kevin says that the weight loss challenge was his favorite, while Christian liked the avant-garde challenge. He and Jillian also like the art challenge a lot.
Favorite part: Tim says that, whether it was a fun or difficult challenge, the show really took its toll on one of the designers. Roll the film! But, first, see Ricky looking really pissed off that they're about to show his mountains and mountains of bawling. It's so beautiful. The montage begins with Ricky saying that he doesn't cry much. In one, I swear to God, he's bawling while someone is asking him to state his name and age and where he lives. His hat is mesh. So many clips of crying. He cried with the client. He cried on the runway. He kept crying about sucking in his interviews. In one, he tells the interviewer that he's pushing his buttons. The guy's like, "I'm not trying to push 'em." Ricky's a disaster. The designers politely applaud when the montage is over. He looks embarrassed. Heidi has an audience question: why is Ricky such a crier? He's misting right now -- DO IT, RICKY. He says he's not going to cry, but Kit tells him it would be really good if he did. That's what I'm saying, Kit. He says earnestly and with no tears that the show was a very emotional experience for him, because he was finding out who he was as a designer. He didn't realize he'd cry like a woman, which obviously offends the women a little. But they don't make a big stink for fear of making him cry. Chris says that they all cried on the show. Ricky says that he doesn't care what people think about him. Rami says that he commends Ricky for being in touch with his emotions, which sounds so amazingly like a backhanded compliment. Tim then kills the party and says that he was thrilled to see Ricky win a challenge and even THEN he "turned that into a crying jag! Ha ha ha ha!" It's cruel and hysterical. Ricky does not find this funny, which I guess makes it better.
Another viewer question: Did any of the designers say anything behind each other's backs that offended them? Carmen was upset that nobody cared when she was gone. Uh, really? She says that Sweet P said she was glad that it wasn't her that got eliminated. Harsh, I know. And Kit said that even if Carmen had finished her menswear design, it wasn't good enough. This is so stupid. Carmen starts to cry and says that it means a lot what the others...she can't finish. Really? Kit hugs her and says that they missed her. Jillian adds that Carmen's elimination was hard on all of them. Seriously, move on. Not caring. Jack adds that he knows the rigor of the show, so he gives people license to maybe not say nicest things. So, nobody's going to bring up how nasty Christian was? Why did they emphasize it all season if we weren't going to get to see even the tiniest of smackdowns? I hate that.
Another segue way. Stop it, Tim. He says that most of the designers had a sense of humor about what everyone was saying, and they laughed it off. One person in particular laughed everything off! Chris! Heidi imitates Chris' laugh. We see a montage of Chris' laugh. Ricky interviews that he thinks Chris laughs loud on purpose. A few designers complain about it. When we're back, Heidi asks Chris to laugh the show into the break. Rami tickles him a little and he obliges. That seemed a little phony, but what are you gonna do?
Michael and Nina join the mix. They show a clip of the judging of the Diva challenge. Michael absolutely lost it when the wrestlers were working the runway. I mean, he lost it. He could not stop laughing. It's pretty hysterical. Sweet P says he was like a kid in church. Jillian says the laughter was one of their classic moments on the show. He does have a really contagious laugh. When they're back, Michael says that he couldn't control himself.
They review the designers' descriptions of their wrestling personae. Christian was Ferocia Coutura, who would spray hairspray in the eyes of her opponents. Jillian was Tuffie, and we see her amazing pirouette that turns into a kick. Chris would be Wonder Woman, and he would smother people with his breasts. That kind of bothers me because Wonder Woman already exists, but whatever. Rami would be Ramilicious, and there was some business about him distracting people with draping. Even his diva is boring. Sweet P says that she would be Spread Eagle and she would break her opponents' necks with her thighs. Ricky says his name would be Mexican Jumping Bean and his move would be a twirl and a kick. Then, they all pose in front of the Project Runway graphic. Fun? You decide. Heidi asks Tim what his diva name would be and he says "Polysylabicus." Oh, God.
Heidi asks the designers who they think the toughest judge was, and they say it was her. She's stunned and doesn't think of herself like that. Tim thinks that it was because the designers were so good this year, and it raised the level of conversation. I guess that's true. Nina says that she's glad there is another bad cop on board this year. Someone came up to her recently and called her "Mean-a Garzilla," which is pretty hysterical and a great diva name. Michael and Heidi agree! Nina says that she may seem harsh, but she's trying to judge them based on what she is seeing in the market. Michael adds that, ultimately, "real fashion people" understand that every designer is different. They want them to be their best. Ricky agrees. He was judged the most and feels that all of the input was helpful.
New question: Someone wonders how Michael Kors can be a "top American designer" when all he ever wears is a black t-shirt, black blazer, and blue jeans. Michael says he does that because it's easy. He says that he was a total trendoid when he was 18, and they show pictures. Jesus H, that became a fashion designer? Bill Gates, you may have that couture collection yet. When Michael started working in fashion, he wanted to stop thinking about his own wardrobe. He loves having been young and ridiculous in fashion though.
Tim introduces a montage of Heidi's "greatest hits." Something tells me there will be mention of a model poo-ing something. Jillian does a pretty mean Heidi impression. She says a bunch of harsh stuff to the designers. When she's telling Ricky that he did too much, she likens it to him being hungry and putting a bunch of food on his plate and not being able to eat it all. Chris says that Heidi is his favorite judge. She compares the competition to dangling sausage in front of their faces and she wonders who will "eat the sausage." Or win. I like "eat the sausage" better. After the montage, Heidi says, "I have a problems for words some times." We all do, Heidi. I'm gasping for words all of the time. Seriously, she said, "gasping." I love her.
The audience question is for the judges: Who had the worst design? They say that the menswear challenge was the hardest. Heidi recalls that we saw a jacket with no shirt beneath it and Carmen, seriously, snaps, "Thank you, Heidi," and rolls her eyes. She is working the drama tonight, isn't she? Then, she wipes away a tear. She's ridiculous. Michael says that the best challenge was the avant-garde challenge. He felt that the quality of work that came out of it was extremely high. He also loved the commercial appeal of the second garment that they made for that challenge. Sweet P says she thinks that her diva outfit was the worst design of the season, but she's wrong.
The question is whether or not Tim makes his feelings about the designers' work known to the judges. He says no. Also, because he knows what happens in the workroom, he doesn't think he could be an unbiased judge.
Now it's time for the designers to ask questions of the judges. Chris asks them what they write on the cards during the runway shows. They write their scores (1-5). Michael also writes quick visceral reactions to the designs.
Tim asks if anyone thought they went home too early. Jack does. So does Chris -- but he got to come back. Tim directs the question to Marion, and he says that he deserved to go home, because he didn't perform; however, designing from inexpensive materials is not his forte. He's more avant-garde and wishes he would have been able to show that.
The question is not really a question. Someone at home thinks that sending Kevin home for the prom challenge was the worst decision the judges ever made. They reiterate all the things they hated about it, and Kevin goes, "We're back here again! Jesus Christ!" and laughs. Heidi asks Christian if he thought he'd go home for that challenge, and he says yes. So she asks Kevin if he thought Christian should go home, and he says that he looked at it (much like the judges, or so we're told) from the perspective of his entire output. He thinks Christian is crazy talented and wants to see what he can do. That's so sweet. He says that, if the judges had asked him, he would have said that he himself should go home. Christian points out that his client was difficult and he would have loved to have Kevin's model. Michael says that at least Christian put a lot of work into his design, whereas he didn't feel the work so much with Kevin's.
Heidi asks the designers if they have any advice for future PR designers. Rami says that it's not easy and you have to have a passion for the work. Victorya says that the challenge is being your TV self then going out and being your real self. Tim asks her what she means (I get the feeling that he really doesn't like her), and she says that the work they do on the show doesn't relate to the outside world. Heidi asks the others if they agree (though I'm still not entirely sure of what she's saying-- the work is not relatable or your personality is different on TV?), and Carmen says that she was herself but under different constraints.
Heidi announces the fan favorite -- it's Christian! He doesn't seem surprised and pretends badly that he is. Michael Knight from last season brings out a Christian-sized check for $10 grand. Tim points out that Christian was just talking about needing money and he replies, "I know! I'm so poor!" Michael tells us he's releasing a new fragrance. Well, that sounds like a really bad idea. Good luck, Michael. He's wearing it, and Christian says that it smells good and it seems like he means it, so...Michael introduces a "fierce" clip of Christian saying that damn word a lot of times. We even see Tim saying it several times. After the montage, Christian vows to not say the word again on the show. WE'LL SEE.
With the four finalists gone again, the other designers predict who will win. Sweet P says Rami. She thinks his collection will be wearable and his experience will help him. Stephen thinks it's Christian or Jillian. Carmen says Rami. Kit says Jillian. Ricky says Jillian too. Victorya says Christian, because he is the most talented of all of them. Kind of snotty. Kevin thinks Christian or Jillian. Marion thinks Rami. Jack thinks Rami or Chris. Wow -- that looks like Rami kind of has the most votes of confidence there. Tim says that he has seen the collections and doesn't envy the judges. Auf Wiedersehen!
Jeff Long is a writer/performer living in New York City. He can be contacted at jeff.long75@gmail.com. He feels badly that Julie Christie lost the Oscar to that French girl.