The designers are called upon to create a look for former football player -- and owner of the pearliest whites since Tom Snyder -- Tiki Barber to wear on The Today Show. From the sound of it, only Elisa has ever designed any menswear before. Everyone is totally freaked out, aside from Christian, who brags about what a fast sewer he is and PROVES that shit. That little guy can sew very quickly. Their models are guys, and they are all extremely hot. Unless I didn't see one of them closely enough. But I think they were all really freaking hot. Tiki's wife, Ginny, comes in at one point to see the progress of the designers and help Tim advise them.
On the runway, there are some nice surprises, and some train wrecks. Jack wins the challenge with a snappy little combo of pinstripe slacks and a contrasting striped shirt. We also learned that he has been living with HIV for over a decade. Sweet P, Ricky, and Carmen end up in the bottom three, and understandably, because their work is pretty bad and largely unfinished. And, as Michael Kors says, "I want to see clothes, not what coulda been." All three of them are completely honest about their shortcomings and not defensive with the judges, which makes the elimination a bit sadder. Carmen and Ricky are the bottom two, with Carmen ultimately going home for not sewing a shirt and screwing up everything she did complete. And, per expectation, Ricky cries. He officially has a problem.
Previously: Marion's shapeless burlap concoction was rightfully booted off the runway and out of our lives. I still feel a little bummed that Marion left, because I think it would have been interesting to see him develop as a personality, but I was definitely not feeling his designs. Well, I was feeling them, but they were giving me a rash.
It's grooming time at the apartments. A shirtless and toweled Jack tells a shirtless and pantied Kevin, "Your Nice N' Easy is in here," pointing at the medicine cabinet and referring to Kevin's impossibly raven hair. That's funny, and made all the more enjoyable by the shirtless aspect of the tableaux. Sorry, it's true.
Jack interviews that being on Project Runway is the "experience of a lifetime." Then we see him using what looks like an inhaler while sitting amongst a sea of pill bottles. He informs us that he has been HIV-positive for 17 years. Damn. He also says that he has never felt better in his life. That's not hard to believe, considering his body is ridiculous. He continues, saying that his goal is to show at Bryant Park.
In the living room of 33H, Rami asks Chris what he thinks Marion is doing right now. Wasn't he eliminated a few hours ago? I can't believe they still remember his name. Onwards and upwards, guys. Don't look back. Chris says he doesn't even want to think about it. Then he jokes, "Why couldn't they have just got rid of Christian? Nobody would've cried." Christian enters from the kitchen with a comic stunned expression that makes everyone laugh. "You know what," he says, "you would be so bored if I left." Chris agrees.
Christian interviews that, after almost being eliminated, he has lost some of his confidence. But he's still confident that he's better than a lot of the other designers. Is this a turning point? I don't know; something about that almost seemed self-aware. And kinda true. Christian is clearly talented, but, up to this point, he has been a bit tired with the "Nobody's as good as me" rap.
At Parson's, Heidi greets the designers and informs them that they won't be needing their models for the challenge. Everyone seems shocked. Heidi says that this challenge will be a "first" for the show. Then she says that she's sending them on a field trip. They have to meet Tim Gunn at 10 Rockefeller Plaza to find out about their challenge. That's the "field"? I was hoping for a goat farm or a shipbuilding yard. I never win!
Tim meets the designers inside 10 Rock and asks them to follow him. By this point, all the designers are wondering what's up. Tim leads them into what appears to be a television studio. Standing there is Tiki Barber, who Kevin informs us is one of the best running backs that the New York Giants have ever had. It's so sad that Kevin appears to be the only person who recognizes Tiki on sight. Sad because it's predictable. Tiki is now a correspondent for Today. I'm not really a fan of professional football, but I'd have a better chance recognizing Tiki from a football field than from a morning news program; there are very few things I hate more than the network morning shows. Bedbugs are one of those things. The faux cheer and manufactured intimacy filling those shows put me in a place that is very scary and wholly inappropriate for morning-time. I do love Diane Sawyer, but I have to stay away.
Moving on: Tiki Barber's face is incredibly symmetrical. Tim tells us that Tiki is going to present the challenge. Ricky interviews that none of the designers know who he is, but he's gorgeous. Steven adds that he knows nothing about football, but feels it is the one time on television when spandex is acceptable. Come on, Steve. I can think of at least two others: 1) the Tour de France; 2) Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" video.
Tiki says that their challenge is to create an outfit for him to wear on Today. Everybody falls out. Jack interviews that 90 percent of the designers were freaking out because menswear tailoring is so meticulous and most of them were not familiar with it. Tiki has a confession -- his neck is wide, his waist is small, and his butt is big. Group hug. Those are the challenges that the designers have to consider when designing for him. So, he's built like Jennifer Lopez. This shouldn't be that difficult. ["I've ridden the elevator with Tiki at 30 Rock a few times, including literally five minutes ago, and in person, he does look kind of caricature-ishly proportioned. But still hot." -- Sars] Tiki says that he and his wife have worked hard to develop a template for What Looks Good On Tiki. They like dark colors, but they also like "patterns and texture and depth." I only understand "patterns and texture and depth" when I let my brain rest on it for just a second. Any longer and I'm like, "'Depth'?" You like deep clothes? And what kind of texture are we talking about here? Braille? It hurts, Tiki. Make it stop hurting! He also says it doesn't have to be a suit, but it does have to be comfortable. Because he's often very comfortable in suits? That could be true, but it's not intuitive. ["When I saw him just now, he was wearing a blue corduroy suit, and it did look pretty comf." -- Sars] You're all over the place here, Tiki. You'll be lucky if you don't end up in lederhosen, which incidentally are very forgiving to prominent derrieres. Ask Friedrich Von Trapp.
Tiki opens the floor to questions. Kevin asks if Tiki like details. He loves details -- they convey personal style. Chris stealthily asks him to describe his favorite colors and outfits. It's like, "Describe what I should design for you. And the color." Tiki says he's not afraid of color; in fact, sometimes he'll wear pink and pastels. I can't even see Tiki right now, he's so fashion-forward. He's just a comet. Tiki says the color needs to accent the outfit, meaning don't make Tiki a damn pink suit. So, Tiki is incredibly handsome, but I'm shocked that he has a job as a correspondent on a morning show. He has the personality of a static-y AM radio. He says that he's looking forward to what the designers cook up. Tim wakes them and they return to Parsons.
They enter the workroom with Jack carrying Christian in a bag. Everyone seems to get a good laugh out of that, and Jack gets to juice his delts. Tim says that they have 30 minutes to sketch, 30 minutes at Mood, and $150 for supplies. They will have the rest of that day and all of the to work. Jack asks if they can use the clothes they're wearing as references for their patterns. Tim says, "Of course." Not for any philosophical reason, but I'm surprised at that. I wouldn't think that a pre-existing pattern would be acceptable in the competition. Tim tells them to make it work, and then he's out of there.
People are having a hard time, which is actually putting it lightly. Most of them haven't designed menswear before. I'd imagine that, in addition to the technical challenges involved, this would also pose a huge stylistic challenge. You know, pockets and rise of pants and stuff like that. Sweet P is spazzing. Lots of head-scratching. Jillian reiterates that most of them haven't designed for men. Kevin also reminds us that most of them haven't designed for men -- but he has. He's going with a suit look, and he can't wait to see what happens. There's some measuring of inseams -- Steven keeps Chris from getting fresh. Jack likes his pants tight in the front.
Tim enters to take everyone to Mood. Once there, we see the usual mayhem. It's really not a surprise, but Rami knows his way around a fabric store. He's like a surgeon. A bald, haughty-voiced, sexy surgeon. Chris asks Tim if Tiki likes hot pants. Laughs all around. I don't see what's so funny; we know how progressive Tiki is. Jack tells Tim that he's freaking, and Tim responds, "You're freaking?" Tim just said "freaking." Weird. Don't make him do that again, designers.
Kit interviews that, as a stylist for television, she knows a lot about what works "on set." There's something so insider-y about that phrase and the way she says it. It embarrasses, yet titillates me. She's choosing a navy fleece, with a plaid shirt fabric and a khaki chino for the "pant." This reminds me of how my dad always says "vehicle" when he's talking about his car. It makes me want to scream and giggle simultaneously.
Back at the workroom, the designers and the editors start cutting at a frantic pace. Heh. Ricky interviews that he feels like he MUST make a suit to impress the judges. Oh God, is he already near tears? Is a production assistant cutting onions to this guy every time he's in front of the camera? Those better not be tears. HONESTLY. Pull yourself together, Ricky. Unless you're not about to cry at all, in which case, carry on. He says that if he can make the pattern, making the suit will be a cinch.
Sweet P wonders why, having never worked in menswear before, she chose to make a suit. I kind of love her for that. She seems bewildered and amused at the same time. Christian tells us that he is making a blazer and pants that are lighter in color. It's a ton of work, but he's a fast sewer. Again, he has sort of dropped the "I'm a star" pose and is just telling his truth. Yes, I just wrote "his truth." Your recapper has not been replaced by Oprah -- that just seemed like the right way to put it.
Carmen asks Jack how wide a men's-pants waistband should be, which…yeah, I'd have no idea. This challenge is hard. He tells her that she doesn't want a fat waistband. She interviews that she's making an outdoorsy jacket, a polo shirt, and slacks. She says that Jack was a huge help. Jack, for his part, says that though he has done a great deal of designing, he has never created any menswear. So, he knows how it should be made, he's just never made it. This feels like one of those actor's nightmares where you're required to play another part in a play that you've been in. You feel like you could probably remember all the lines from having been onstage and worked off the cues from them, but in reality…you just couldn't. Unless you're that little girl who played Tootie in the production of Meet Me In St. Louis I was Lon Jr. in when I was 18. That six-year-old had a memory like a steel trap. NOTHING GOT OUT. She's probably going to rule the world.
Jack selflessly removes his shorts (he stays decent with a lovely muslin skirt that he whips up, and upon which Kit draws some ass-located cherries) and rips them apart to use as a pattern. Victorya and Carmen use Jack's shorts pattern as well. This doesn't sit right with Rami, who doesn't think it was fair. I'm not sure what he said in the workroom, but he expresses this in an interview. Sweet P is a little bolder. We hear Jack explain to her that he'd asked if designers could help each other, and he received an affirmative. Sweet P thinks he should've asked if he could share a pattern. Oh, come on. I guess it kind of sucks, but if you can help someone, you can help someone. Sharing a pattern is helping someone -- if the producers wanted to get more specific, they should have. But of course we didn't see Jack have that conversation. We saw him ask if he could use his own clothes. Hmmm. Jack interviews that sharing the pattern is not against the rules. He adds, "Jealousy is gonna bring out the ugly. And whatever." Truer words were…probably just spoken. Kit also notices that the intensity has ratcheted up in the workroom.
We see everyone scrambling. There's this weird moment where Rami is working and Chris is behind him and Rami blindly throws his arm back to try on some muslin garment that Chris is holding. I wonder whose garment it was. It was probably Chris's and he was helping Chris out, but wouldn't it be funny if he were like, "Chris! Bring me my pattern to try on! Hold it so my arm goes in nicely! I'm not looking at you!" Sweet P is working with a mannequin that's like, "Gimme the keys, Lisa! I'll drive!" and starts to fall over. Kit screams, "Man down! Man down!" which is really funny.
Tim enters at the end of the day and asks everyone how they're doing. "Challenged" is one response. Chris interviews that some people were starting to panic at the realization of how much they'd have to complete the day. Steven says, "It's midnight and I'm standing here in a pimp's hat. Just let it go." He is wearing a hat, but I'd argue that it's more Mia Farrow in the abominable adaptation of The Great Gatsby than it is pimp. It's this black felt floppy thing.
The morning, we see another shirtless male designer from the back. I don't even know who it is. This show is like Baywatch now. Once clothed, Rami, Kevin, and Jack discuss how difficult this challenge is. Jack thinks the vest he is planning to make might be glued in the back. As the ladies are leaving their apartment, Kit says, "Get ready. This is the last time we are going to have fun today."
At Parson's, Jack holds the door for Christian and some of the girls and says, "After you, ladies." Christian responds, "Thank you." Those two -- they're forming a little silly squad, and I like it.
Once at their workroom stations, we see a Jillian interview. She says that everyone started working quickly, as soon as they could. Then we see her and Rami fake-hate on each other. With 15 hours left in the day, Sweet P is muttering to herself that she hopes she didn't bleep her design up. Kit mentions that to the other designers that, due to the stress caused by the time constraints, it's easy to forget what an amazing experience it is being on this show. Again, I'm crossing my fingers -- this crew may be the real deal.
Ricky curses his garment, yet doesn't cry. He's a big boy now.
We see Christian sew, and dude is like lightning. There's something about this li'l munchkin. He might have what it takes to make it to the BIG TIME! Jack says it's scary how fast Christian is. Christian interviews that his speed is his biggest asset during this challenge. Amen. Then he chants to himself, "Do it like a rock star."
, we get a little background on Chris. He tells us that he's a lot older than most of the other designers, and has never had any formal fashion training. One of the mannequins whispers, "We still love you." When he was in fourth grade, his mother was hemming his pants. He didn't appreciate her handiwork, apparently, so he "pushed her out of the way and said, 'Let me at that sewing machine.'" He's good at pants. "Yay! Pants!" he exclaims in the workroom. You see, Chris believes that pants are "two big sleeves sewn together." They're not that hard.
Rami, hereafter known as Big Show-Off, informs us that he has never made menswear, but he thinks he might be able to drape a pair of slacks. He makes a mock-up with muslin, and we see him trying them on. They look perfect. Sweet P compliments them, and he reminds everyone that HIS pants were not traced off a pattern "like some others did." His were draped, and everyone better recognize. …I'm not really going to refer to him as Big Show-Off hereafter. That was just for the purposes of this paragraph.
Tim enters with an announcement: he's sending in the models. Everyone will have an hour with them. Then, the gates of heaven open, and out walk some hot-ass male models. I'd just like to disclaim that I don't think these models are hot-ass just because they're male. But I mean, SERIOUSLY, these dudes are smoking! And it's just begun. You know they have to take some clothes off.
Everyone is kind of a-titter. Rami interviews that the guys were "good-looking," so some of the "girls" were excited. Some of the guys are excited too, he adds. Has he met the other designers? His emphases would suggest that he hasn't. Ricky is not impressed, apparently. He just barks at his model to take his clothes off, which seems a little rude. Oh my God, the bodies. Chris mentions that it was kind of "an exciting afternoon." I hate myself. I'm acting like a child right now.
Christian thinks his model is "very beautiful." Kevin reminds us that he's the only straight guy there, so he wasn't impressed with the STUD that was his model. …Seriously, I'm going to kill myself when all of this is over -- I can't stop, though. So pretty.
Steven says that he finally gets why straight guys are impressed that he gets to spend time with gorgeous undressed women. Great point. Makes me hate myself even a little more. I promise to start objectifying the lady models week. I'm going to objectify them so bad.
Sweet P is ecstatic that her pants fit her model really well. She also feels his ass a lot. That may be Mean P. If it is, she and I should meet for cocktails.
Oh no, something happens. Elisa tells the hot model loaned to her by the Lord up above that she doesn't feel comfortable with him undressing in front of her, as the other professional models are doing. So she turns her head to the wall while he awkwardly changes clothes. Meanwhile, in an interview she says that she has a boyfriend, and he's the only person she has "fitted intimately." You're taking his measurements, not his temperature. She adds that her boyfriend is the only man she chooses to touch. I can see where she's coming from and it's a very respectable attitude. Something seems a bit precious about it, though, and despite all her loopiness, I hadn't felt that way about her until now. Elisa has officially given me pause. I may be a bit slower getting to that pause than some people have been. I still think she's great, but I'm pausing. As she's pinning something to her model, he tells her that he wants to pursue ethnobotany. She tells him to keep talking. You just lost your chance to see the world's hottest future ethnobotanist in a state of undress. Hope you can live with yourself, Elisa.
Ricky hasn't even cut his fabric. He's not crying yet, so maybe he'll be able to keep it together. He's still being kind of rude to his beautiful (I want to die) model. Ricky tells him he can't talk to him, which may be the right idea but is still pretty impolite. He has the model try on his muslin mock-ups, saying he's so stressed that he can't even think clearly.
Sweet P says that her slacks fit her model perfectly, but the shirt she made is a disaster. If she's talking about the fact that the model is only wearing half of a shirt, then yes, it's a disaster. It reminds me of that Gordon Gartrelle shirt that Denise attempted for Theo on The Cosby Show.
The models languidly put their clothes back on. Jillian interviews that after they left, she had to re-cut all of her garments. The mannequins are like, "Excuse me, did we miss the models? Someone will die."
We see everyone scrambling at the sewing machines. Sweet P is working at a breakneck speed, and we hear an interview where she says that she's totally freaking out. She still has to make a jacket, in addition to remaking her crazy-looking shirt from earlier.
With seven hours remaining in the day, Tim returns and asks the designers to gather round. He tells them that there is a special guest -- which none of the designers seem too happy about. In walks some lady I don't know. Christian interviews that she was a "fabulous Asian woman, who was so tan and gorgeous. I love Asians. Asians are fierce." Could someone tell Christian about the new damn rule? Thank you.
Tim introduces the lady as Ginny Barber, Tiki's wife. She has a "special affinity for menswear," per Tim, and knows Tiki better than anyone. That probably takes a very special person, because Tiki appears to be a man with a thousand nooks and crannies in that old noggin of his. He's patterned and textured and deep. None of those patterns or textures or depths are apparent in his personality, but that's what makes Ginny's job so special. Choosing clothes for a man of such mystery is not an easy job. She probably doesn't have time to do anything else.
She and Tim walk around to the designer and they pitch their ideas. Jack says that he's making pinstripe slacks with a pink stripe, a classic dress shirt, and a vest. Ginny says that she loves the color and the vest idea. Whoa…the personality fairy did not visit the Barber household. My lights just flickered, she sucked so much energy out of the room.
Ricky has enough energy for all of them, though. Nervous, crazy energy. He's making a full suit. He likes to layer! Ginny says that Tiki likes layers too. Tim says that it looks like Ricky has a lot of work to do, and Ricky reveals that he's freaking out. We totally wouldn't have known that if he hadn't told us. Ricky interviews that he feels like, if he doesn't finish his suit, the ax is going to drop. Ginny wishes him luck and they thankfully move on.
Kevin says that he's making a dress shirt, tie, suit, and a pocket square. He's adding a double vent to the suit jacket, for Tiki's butt, so it won't "look weird." Ginny somnambulistically replies that the double vents are a good idea. Tiki will like the colors as well. Tim thinks that Kevin also has a lot of work to do. He interviews that he felt really good after meeting Ginny.
Carmen presents her idea, and Ginny comes alive long enough to say that the jacket Carmen has made looks like a Members' Only replica. So, we've got a winner? No, Ginny thinks it looks very casual. Bad. Tim says that Carmen might want to rethink her design, but she says she doesn't have enough fabric to start over. This is not good. Carmen interviews that she was jolted by Ginny's criticism.
That's all we see -- Ginny's gotta go home.
Carmen decides that she should change her original design, but she doesn't have many options because she's short on fabric. This really sucks. I feel like we haven't really seen Carmen in her sweet spot yet. She has such a bold personality that I feel like she must be able to make something interesting. That's a totally unfounded opinion, but it would stink to see her leave without finding out what her "thing" is.
Kevin also decides to scale back. He's not making a jacket; he's making a vest instead. Jack decides he doesn't have time to make the vest that he had planned. He's going to stick to the slacks and shirt.
Ricky interviews that he tried to challenge himself and now he's completely fucked. He doesn't know what he's making. Then we see this weird moment at the sewing machines where Carmen sings, "Don't go home too soon! Don't go home too soon!" And Ricky replies, "Shut the fuck up!" in the same sing-songy voice. I don't really know where all of this is coming from. Then Carmen says she's about to snap, and Ricky invites her to go ahead. She says that she can't, "bitch," because he already told her that he wants her to shut the fuck up. Then Ricky sings, "Don't go home too soon!" to her and she says, "Wrong note, bitch. You hit a wrong note." That last part was amazing. You see? We haven't seen the right side of Carmen yet. This is her, not fake-crying on the runway. Sweet P tells them both not to bite. I feel bad for them. They're probably just tense and lashing out.
Steven interviews that, at the end of the night, it didn't look like anyone had much of anything completed. He likens it to the panic on the Titanic. Hi, that rhymes. That's going to be my electro-ambient band's name. Panic On The Titanic. Look out for us. …Oh, wait. Band name already taken. Thanks, Google.
The morning, at the "New Gotham Apartments," Elisa does some yoga while Kit applies make-up to Sweet P. That must've been what she used to do "on set."
In the guys' apartment, Jack says that Sweet P has three quarters of a pair of pants and a tie. "It's gonna be way ghetto." Steven says, "It's time for a hangin'," as they leave for Parson's.
Jack gives Christian a piggyback ride into the workroom. Fun! Everyone starts jamming. Ricky says that he has a plan of attack, which is…to finish his garments. I'm sure it's more complicated than he's letting on. He says that he'll go balls-out, because if you're going to fail -- fail big. He also looks near tears while saying this.
Sweet P says that this is the hardest challenge she's ever had in her life. Jack's not having as much trouble; he thinks his shirt is adorable, and Kit thinks it's "rad." Jack repeats that he is not making his vest. He thinks it's a better idea to complete two well-made items. He feels good about his chances.
Carmen hasn't even started on her shirt yet. She's concerned that she won't have enough time to finish. Tim enters and sends in the models with only two hours to go. All of them are still hot.
Ricky actually asks his model to help him sew. So sad. He anticipates Michael Kors saying, "What is that?" Oh God, Sweet P made a blouse. It's a mess -- too tight for her model. She asks Chris if she should even send it down the runway and he replies, "Honey, there are way worse things going on around here than that." Perhaps? I don't know.
The models go through hair and makeup, and they actually get their fair share of make-up. I didn't really know that happened. That makes me feel kind of good. Victorya says that she is seriously panicking, but you really can't tell, because she has such a placid demeanor. Ricky pins his jacket onto his model. Sweet P's shirt is a DISASTER. Carmen is still sewing with two minutes remaining. Tim's like, "I'm worried." Carmen just drapes shirt fabric around the model's front like a shawl or a scarf -- no shirt. Christian thinks that this will be a hard challenge to judge, because so many of the garments are "jacked up." Commercials.
This week, America is asked, "Which other sports celeb would you want to dress?" The choices are A) David Beckham…we can stop there, can't we? Oh, there are more choices. B) Tony Hawk, C) Derek Jeter, D) Maria Sharapova.
On the runway, Heidi enters wearing this kimono/bathrobe get-up. It's really ugly and ill-fitted, which surprises me. Heidi? She introduces Michael Kors, Nina Garcia ("Hola!"), and Tiki Barber. His teeth are so white.
The show begins with Jillian's look, worn by Nelson. Jillian reminds us that she has never made menswear before. Her effort looks pretty nice. It's a black three-piece suit with slim slacks, and the shirt is a black pattern with a white collar. It's cute, except that the collar is splayed over the collar of the jacket. The model is wearing white shoes too, so I guess she was going for a more casual look, but it comes off dated. The fit of the suit is really nice, though. Jillian says that she's happy with her look.
comes Carmen's outfit, as worn by the Artful Dodger. Wait, that's Yaniv. It's very gay street urchin. The jacket is a take on an Eisenhower jacket, which I think looks pretty cool. There are a lot of problems with the fit, but I'm sort of enjoying the design. The pants are slim and seem to have a ton of fit issues in the crotch/waist region, and the shirt is nonexistent. Carmen says that she doesn't feel good about the absence of the shirt. Yeah, that's not good. I can't remember -- have we ever had someone walk down the runway without a shirt? I don't think so.
Here's Christian's design, worn by David. Okay, so it has become clear to me that a fast sewer does not necessarily make a nice design. I'm not loving this: it's a gray sport coat with a modern unstructured build. It tops a tan sweater and beige/tan slacks. The sweater has an off-center neck, with a slit that runs along the collarbone. Eh. The slacks fit well. Christian says it's the most interesting design and it fits the model well. Right on both points. I wouldn't necessarily say it's the "most" interesting, but it's definitely forward. And it fits beautifully. I guess not everything can be judged by your own tastes in what you would wear. That's so obvious -- I'm stupid for even saying it -- yet I feel enlightened. Thank you, Christian.
Kit's outfit is the on the runway, as worn by Ibrahim. It's really nice, a one-button navy fleece blazer over a classic white oxford shirt and khaki pants. Kit says she feels very confident, and the design is TV-friendly; I'm watching it on TV, and I agree. Can you believe these people made these designs in two days? It's crazy.
Here's Rami's outfit; Derek is wearing it. It's a casual/golf jacket paired with a light oxford shirt and navy slacks. It's really well made. The slacks do something a little funny to Derek's junk, but maybe he's toting a colostomy bag that we haven't been made privy to. Way to hang in there, Derek. …For real, though, something weird is happening at the crotch. Rami points out that it's not particularly formal. Yeah. Maybe Rami is just shooting for a safe, not-elimination-worthy design. I can't imagine anyone wearing this on the Today show.
Sweet P's design is , worn by Marcus. Train wreck. The pinstripe slacks are nice and they fit Marcus like a glove. We hear her say that this is the worst thing she has ever made. She thinks that the shirt looks as if a kindergartner made it. I love her for saying this. The shirt is really blousy and has a collar that has just melted. And a tie that hangs to the knees. It's so bad. Tiki laughs as he jots down some notes on his red Project Runway cards. Sweet P should win just for getting a laugh out of this guy. She fake-shoots herself and says that she's embarrassed in front of her peers.
is Steven's design, worn by the scrumptious Paul. It's a dark brown, high-waisted, wide-legged trouser paired with a dark gray long-sleeved polo sweater. Steven has added a silver fabric to the side of the collar that is showing. To finish off the look, Paul is wearing a silver ascot. It's a lot of look, but it fits so freaking well. It helps that Paul is built like a brick shithouse. It helps a lot. He feels like he made something conservative that Tiki would like. Nicely done, Steven.
Victorya is not happy with her look, worn by Mike. The outfit is black slacks and a black t-shirt, with a white unstructured blazer on top. The collar of the blazer is upturned, revealing black liner below the collar, and there are two black buttons. Victorya doesn't think that it's well made, and she grimaces the entire time it's on the runway, but she's happy that she pulled it together and finished the look.
up is Kevin's look, worn by Thomas. It's what appears to be a pink pinstriped pattern on the slacks and vest. He has also made a pink oxford with a dark pink tie and pocket square. It's very "Smooth Criminal." The look is nice, but the fit is a little iffy. The shirt is a little too tight at the arms, the collar is popped up in what looks like an attempt to mask a defect, and the vest buttons at the top and kind of falls open at the waist. Kevin has good taste, though, it's clear. The back of the vest is silver, which is a nice touch. Kevin thinks the look is very sophisticated and European.
Chris March's design follows. It's a black coat, over a black tee, and black slacks. I. Hate. It. He's lucky that it's reasonably well made, because it is seriously questionable in the taste department. The jacket has broad stiff shoulders and is shapeless in the body, and has what I believe is a zipper to fasten it. No. It's seriously early-'90s boy band. But Chris got what he wanted, he says. I really hate it, but I love Chris and hope that he doesn't get in trouble for this.
Jack's design is , worn by another Jack. A model Jack. It's a pair of gray pinstriped slacks paired with a simple oxford shirt with pink accents. Some of these guys are really holding onto that moment when Tiki said he liked pink, huh? It's nicely put together and looks really sharp. Boring, but sharp. And wouldn't boring be appropriate in this instance? Erstwhile PR crush Daniel Vosovic says something similar in his blog. Why, aside from the Bravo/NBC connection, would they have chosen someone as milquetoast as Tiki Barber as the focus of a challenge? Especially if he's helping to choose the winner. I could understand if Meredith Vieira were a judge, and were choosing what she thinks Tiki should wear. Then it would be about rethinking who Tiki is, as opposed to making something that boring Tiki will like. Perhaps designing for someone like him is a good lesson in tweaking your style in order to get a job, but it's kinda dull for us at home. Jack says, "Wow, it looks like I bought it in a store." That could mean many things, but yes, I guess it does.
Here's Ricky's design, modeled by Yoneiry. What a name! It's a gray suit with a red pocket square and a white shirt. It looks so bad -- like the clothes were donated to Yoneiry by a charity. It's very nice to donate clothes, but you know this ain't right. Ricky says that he can see a little glisten from one of the pins he used to hold the outfit together, and he hopes the judges won't see it. Oh, Ricky -- you've not been here before, have you? The judges see everything. And if they don't, I'm sure that after you interviewed your piece about the pins, someone reminded the judges to ask you about them. They are all-knowing, the judges, and people are paid to know what they don't see for themselves. TRUST NO ONE. Ricky knows it's a disaster.
Here's Elisa's design. Wow. For not wanting to touch Connor, her model, she sure made a sexy design anyway. It's a dark green, long-sleeved sweater with a wide neck collar. It's topped with a brown vest and paired with gray slacks. It looks really good. Everything looks sort of organic and flattering and masculine. Elisa says that she was very excited to make something clean and "finished-looking." Yeah, who's unfinished now, Sweet P? I got nothing but love for Sweet P, but it is kind of ironic.
The runway show is over and, with all the designers standing on runway, Heidi asks some people to step forward: Jillian, Christian, Rami, Steven, Victorya, Chris, and Elisa. They're safe and can leave the runway.
That leaves Carmen, Sweet P, Kevin, Kit, Jack, and Ricky as the top and bottom three. Their models return to the stage.
They start with Kit's design. Tiki likes it. He likes the texture of the jacket, but doesn't feel that it's "loud." Yeah, navy fleece certainly isn't loud. Michael thinks that she's lucky that it was made of fleece, because if it wasn't, he'd be all, "Give me Xanax, I'm asleep." You couldn't just say that it would bore you, could you, Michael? You've just got to make it about drugs. Get help, Kors. Nina likes the overall presentation, and Tiki thinks she "did well."
Tiki thinks Sweet P's design has style, but it's messy. Man, we get a full-on view of this look, and it's so bad. It's clownish. Heidi wants to know how Sweet P could let her model walk down the runway with "that mess around his neck." She takes off the tie to reveal how flat and screwy the collar of her shirt is. She tells them that it's totally messed up. Michael says that, though the tie is completely out of proportion, it's sewn well. Sweet P thinks so too, and she has never made one before. Well, Michael points out, if she ever meets someone who is 7'3", she'll have a tie for him. Funny.
They move on to Jack. Michael thinks that the slacks look nice, and he likes that the shirt is classic, but with a twist. Jack contrasted the bias of the stripe on the shirt pocket and the placket, and Michael likes that as well. Tiki likes that it's simple. Also, he likes the textures, but that the outfit is not "loud." Did he and Ginny really have to spend a long time figuring that stuff out? Nina points out that it's missing a vest. Heidi says she would rather see safe and perfect than three or four pieces that are a mess -- flash to Ricky and Sweet P.
Tiki says that he can't look like an idiot on the air. Cue: Ricky. Nina asks about the pins in the garment. Tiki says that it's sloppy. He couldn't wear it on the air. Nina is bored by the colors and she thinks it's dull. Ouch.
Moving on to Kevin. Tiki doesn't wear a lot of vests, but he likes this one. He likes that the pocket square and tie are interesting without being distracting. Important point; it wouldn't take much to distract me from what Tiki…hey, look at the pretty blue curtain behind Kevin! Michael suggests that maybe Kevin didn't have enough time to finish, pointing out that he pinned his vest. They ask him to unpin it, and they like it better that way. Heidi then says, contemptuously, that she wouldn't let her husband, international pop superstar Seal, wear that outfit. She thinks it's more David Beckham than Tiki. I think Seal would argue that he is more David Beckham than Tiki Barber, but maybe he doesn't argue with Heidi.
Now for Carmen. Tiki doesn't like that the jacket is so short. He feels that it would overemphasize his butt. This makes Heidi crack up. Yeah, body dysmorphia is hysterical, Heidi. She thinks it's really funny that Tiki would have the same problem as a woman. Michael thinks that the crotch on Carmen's slacks is "insane." They ask her to remove the swath of fabric doubling for a shirt -- unacceptable. For her part, Carmen explains that this does not represent her as a designer. She seems incredibly embarrassed. I feel bad for her. I stand by the jacket, though; it could use some finishing, but I like the design. Michael says that she suffered from bad time management.
Once the designers leave the stage, the judges discuss the designs. Tiki liked Kevin's. He thought it was avant-garde. "It had a look," says Nina, and everyone agrees. Was it really avant-garde? No; it was a little slick. I officially am not a fan of Tiki Barber. Amazing name, no personality.
They also like Jack's. Tiki is glad that he didn't bite off more than he could chew. Michael liked the contrast in the shirt. Nina thought Kit's work was fantastic; she really won points with the fleece. Tiki finds it versatile.
When they mention Sweet P, it seriously looks like Nina is about to cough up a hairball. Michael says that he wondered, when he first saw it, if it was intentionally ugly. She should have tried to sell that. Tiki really hated Carmen's outfit. Michael says the slacks were made for a Boogie Nights star. Was that because they were tight, or because there was a lot of room in the crotch? I don't get it, Michael. Tiki looks a little bothered that Michael doesn't think he could compare. Of course, they also bag on Carmen not making a shirt. Heidi wonders where Tiki would wear the outfit, and he says, "You couldn't." Tiki thinks Ricky's outfit looked like his five-year-old made it. Is anyone excited about Project Runway: Preschool Edition, which has been suggested multiple times tonight? I am. A kid can't finish a look because he ate all the glue. Two designers fight because one stuck the other's crayons up her nose. Drama! Nina says that if she went to a fashion show and saw a presentation like Ricky's, she wouldn't go back. Heidi thinks that they all thought they were better than they actually were.
Heidi calls the designers back to the stage, then commercials. Fifty-eight percent of the voters in the poll would like to dress David Beckham.
Back at the runway, Kevin is in. The winner is: Jack! He curses and walks offstage. He does some cheerleader move backstage and hugs Kevin. He interviews that it's so "hot" that his design will be on the Today show. "My family is going to flip."
On the runway, Kit is told "good work," and that she's in. Sweet P is also in. She seems incredibly relieved. It's down to Carmen and Ricky. They both seem ashamed. Heidi says that Carmen had everything wrong, and that her model was half-naked. Carmen cringes. She tells Ricky that his presentation and construction were horrible, and the design in general was boring. Carmen is out, and Ricky STARTS CRYING. Carmen graciously thanks everyone for the opportunity, and leaves the runway. She interviews that it's easier to leave for something that is out of her realm of knowledge. She hugs everyone backstage, including Ricky. I'm glad they put their argument behind them. Tim comes in and deems the challenge "intense." Ricky's still crying. Carmen says that she regrets not getting to show everyone what an amazing designer she is, but she's happy with what she learned from the experience. Goodbye, Carmen! And good luck.