I guess it had to happen some time. I'm just sad is all.
The challenge really stretches the conventions of the show this week. First, the models get to choose their designer. Heidi chooses the models' names randomly from the button bag and the last two buttons in the bag are the models who will be eliminated -- and they are Javi and Katia. (Remember, since both Bonnie and Keith went home last week, there were two extra models). Then, the models head for the workroom where there are pictures of different style icons. The designers will be challenged to modernize the look of whichever style icon their models chose. The girls are hardcore when it comes time to grab the photo that they want. I think somebody loses a tooth.
The designer/icon match-ups are as follows: Uli and Diana Ross, Jeffrey and Madonna, Michael and Pam Grier, Angela and Audrey Hepburn, Laura and Katharine Hepburn, Robert and Jackie O, Kayne and Marilyn Monroe, Alison and Farrah Fawcett, Vincent and Twiggy, and Bradley and Cher.
I don't think Bradley even knows who Cher is, which maybe clears up any ambiguity there may have been concerning his orientation.
There's a scene where Jeffrey really rags on Angela because he feels like she screwed up one of the sewing machines. His side of the argument may be the right one, but he's a real jerk about it. In fact, he goes a long way towards making Angela seem kinda sympathetic. I felt bad for her.
The bottom three are Bradley, Vincent, and Robert. Vincent's is pretty ugly and Robert's is boring; but, Bradley's...it's awful. Aluminum foil blouse and track pants. Bad. So our sweet little urchin is sent on his way.
But aside from losing Bradley, this episode will be known as the one where Michael Knight really came into his own. He makes a hot-pants-and-sexy-top look that's damn hot. Not only that, he gets to talk in the episode! He defends Angela and talks to his mom on the phone and just generally looks like a really cool guy.
Previously: Keith was asked to leave because he had snuck pattern-making books onto the show, among various other infractions. Bonnie was auf'd and Angela won the challenge -- but not immunity (the winning design is going to be sold in Macy's nationwide. Immunity on top of that would just be decadent).
It's morning at the Atlas apartments, now give us nastiness, tout de suite! Jeffrey obliges with a voiceover saying he was really annoyed that Angela won the challenge. He qualifies his disappointment by pointing out that Macy's wasn't the right place for him anyway. Of course not; bunch of phonies.
Michael interviews that he's ready to win something. He wants to leave the show being able to say that he won "at least one challenge." I feel like this season's episodes have been edited to suggest the winners and losers at the beginning of the episode. Maybe they did that in seasons as well and I'm only noticing it now. I mean, Michael hasn't said five words this entire season and we begin an episode with him ironing and talking about how he wants to win a challenge? I'm guessing that he's not just going to sink into the background for the rest of the episode. They should just throw like a moment of, I don't know, say, an Uli interview where she's like, "I like sushi." Something to throw us off. I'm hungry now.
Robert interviews that he was really humbled from his near elimination in the challenge. He wants to prove to the judges that he can make clothes that aren't boring. The viewers at home are waiting for you to prove that you can not sound boring. Dude is narcoleptic or something. He's always whining like he's about to pass out or something. Sister needs her smelling salts.
At Parsons, Heidi enters the runway. Apparently, her career as a welterweight fighter is taking off -- it looks like she's wearing some sort of championship belt. I can hear her now... "Sometimes floating like a butterfly is in, while stinging like a bee is out."
Things immediately get freaky. Heidi brings the models out and tells them, and the designers, that, for this challenge, the models will be choosing the designer with whom they want to work. It's like an outbreak of cholera up in there -- the shit has hit the fan. Everyone's aghast. Vincent interviews that it's uncomfortable when things are out of the designers' control, which I can only presume is a thinly-veiled reference to his days in a straitjacket in Provo, Utah. What did you expect, Vincent? You insist on taking your clothes off at the DMV, they put you in the huggy coat.
Heidi chooses the models' names from the velvet button bag. Geez, the girl on Heidi's left, Lindsay, has the wingspan of a bald eagle. Broader shoulders than James Caan, no lie. Alexandra, who was Michael's model in the last challenge, chooses Alison. She interviews that she wanted to model for someone with whom she hadn't already worked. There's a shot of Michael kind of flinching when she chooses Alison. Clarissa chooses Angela, who, of course, makes a giant clown face of happiness. Is she trying to be America's big designer or America's Carol Channing? While I would most certainly and most excitedly tune into Project Channing, this is not it. Can I copyright that idea? Dibs.
Amanda chooses Kayne of Many Colors. She had worked with him before, and she enjoyed it. Nazri chooses Michael, and he nods politely, but you can tell he's pretty excited. Lindsay chooses Uli, who seems thrilled with her shoulders, I mean, model. Danielle chooses Robert and says, "My favorite." Robert seems happy. You know, with all of the chaos in Project Runwayland in the past week, Robert's omnipresent sunglasses are oddly comforting. Maybe Jeffrey's stupid Vanilla Ice eyebrows will start to hold the same sort of charm for me. I'm not holding my breath for that one.
Marilinda chooses Jeffrey. Camilla (who I accidentally called "Camille" in the last recap), lovely as ever, chooses Laura. She interviews that she wanted to work with Laura because she has a "clean, sophisticated style." Jia chooses Vincent. Vincent whispers, "That's my girl."
Poor Bradley Baumkirchner. He's got a little grin on his face because he's realizing that he's the kid left out of the kickball lineup once again. Katie, Javi, and Katia are the three models left. Whichever model whose name is chosen will be Bradley's model and the other two will go home. Katie's name is chosen. So, a big random goodbye to Katia and Javi. I doubt, "That's just the way the buttons were chosen," will be much of a comfort to them.
Heidi explains vaguely that the challenge will be for the designers to modernize the look of a fashion icon. There are ten fashion icons waiting for them in the workroom. Now, this show is popular and all, but you'd be lucky to get, like, five icons at a freaking Kennedy Center Honors ceremony. An episode of a classy yet basic cable reality show? Prove it, Heidi. Distracting us from her claims of having TEN icons in the untidy workroom, she says that the models will be choosing the icons for the designers. Laura interviews that she's nervous because they donât really know the models, so they aren't sure that they will make the right choices for them.
As the models are leaving the runway, someone, a woman, says, "Oh, Bye!" and it sounds so bizarre. Seriously, if you get to catch the episode, listen for it. I've listened to it like 27 times and I'm hoarse from laughing. Do it. You owe it to yourself.
At the workroom, the models have changed from their black slips into actual clothes and Tim Gunn lectures them on what will be happening in the challenge. There are ten photos of fashion icons on display. Damn you, Heidi and your tricky wordplay!! When Tim says "Go," it's going to be a first-come-first-served situation with the models fighting to get the icon that they want. I can't wait. Clarissa interviews that she will fight to the death to get Audrey Hepburn. Alan Arkin felt the same way in Wait Until Dark. Well, we're not fighting over measly little bags of heroin stuffed into baby dolls anymore. This is fashion!!
The models do not disappoint. They embarrass a little, but they do not disappoint. When Tim gives the go-ahead, there are screams and model limbs flying everywhere. Katie, Bradley's model, is the weak one in the pack and gets the "left over" icon, which is Cher. Clarissa does indeed get Audrey Hepburn. She puts the picture beside her face and says, "What do you think everybody?" Clarissa, not many people are going to win in that comparison. And, you're not many people. While we're at it, Jennifer Love Hewitt's not many people either.
The designers enter to find out which icon they'll have for the challenge. Clarissa is very excited to show Angela that they have Audrey Hepburn. Angela, in turn, jumps and screams. Angela says that she "basically just peed in [her] pants." Classy reaction from a classy dame.
Michael has "Pam Motherfucking Grier." He's thrilled; or he's privy to a cruel joke played on Pam Grier at her birth.
Danielle and Robert are pumped about having Jackie O. Danielle tells him that she fought for her. Again, when I think Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, I think flailing model. She really is perfect for Robert though. He loves that stuff.
Jeffrey has Madonna. He interviews that his background is in making stage clothes for rock stars, so this is proof that the universe wants him to win. He's really lucky that the universe could take its mind off of Lebanon and all the crazy shit that's going on everywhere else to throw Project Runway in his favor. Later for you, Neptune, the universe really wants Madonna's look modernized. And properly.
Kayne of Many Colors got Marilyn Monroe and he's thrilled. It is perfect. All of the super-structured gowns that she wore? Right up his alley.
Uli got Diana Ross. I feel like I know Diana Ross, but I can't really think of her style being particularly distinct right now. Her hair and make-up, yes. Lots of hair and lashes. And I can think of her disco gowns and whatnot. Other than that, I'm not sure I could pick out a Diana Ross look.
The designers have a half-hour to "caucus" (never stop saying that, Tim Gunn), and then they will go to Mood. We see that Laura has Katharine Hepburn. PERFECT. Also, I see that there is writing on the back of the photos -- I guess to give a few extra hints about the style of each particular icon. Laura interviews that Camilla must have been watching her work, because she picked the right icon. Kate Hepburn is an absolutely perfect match for Laura.
Alison has Farrah Fawcett. She interviews that she wasn't too excited until Alexandra started telling her more about her ("she was daring, sexy"). When I first saw that she had Farrah, I thought it was perfect because Alison has such an eye for styling, which is mostly what made her distinct. The hair and tan and teeth. I'm a little surprised that she was disappointed, but I guess she is really too young to care much about Farrah Fawcett. She probably only knows her as the leathery, drugged-up lady on David Letterman. That's also the only thing she knows about Richard Simmons.
Vincent says that Jia picked Twiggy for him because of what he could do with it. "She explicitly told me that." No one's arguing with you, Vincent. Someone could do some cool stuff with Twiggy. I'm not placing any bets on Vincent, but somebody could do something.
Bradley doesn't know shit about Cher. Katie, who is twelve, tries to tell Bradley about Cher. This is no good. You'd think Bradley would at least have seen Silkwood. I've always thought that someone should base a collection on Silkwood. I'm not kidding. Meryl Streep is smoking hot in that movie -- mullet, rock t-shirt, leather jacket. And, you could have some Cher butch-chic looks working the runway. Nina Garcia would flip for that shit.
At Mood, as Michael is claiming some pink fabric, we hear him interview that this challenge is something that he can really sink his teeth into. Robert interviews that he wants to modernize a suit that Jackie might have worn in the White House. He found a blue fabric that he feels would address his problem with being boring. It's not working. He's practically dozing in the middle of that sentence. He adds that if he is boring, he should just go home.
Back at the workroom, Kayne of Many Colors quickly gets to work. Uli is stunned that he is only using black in his design. "You mean, I'm the only crazy one?" The editors answer Uli's question with Vincent. "Sometimes, you gotta just stand back and imagine someone else designing it. That's what I do." Then he giggles like Renfield. He describes these "bell-like" sleeves that he's making for his dress. He's very excited by them.
In the sewing room, there's a problem with one of the machines. Angela, it appears, screwed up Bradley's machine. To be fair, what occurred was: it worked before she used it and was broken after she used it. Gentle reader, come to your own conclusion. Jeffrey and Alison are discussing that Angela broke the machine when Angela re-enters the room. She says it's not fair that they're saying that she broke the machine. What happened was, she was using it and it broke. Ah, elucidation. Jeffrey interviews that he's tired of inexperienced people screwing it up for pros like him. Back in the sewing room, he yells at Angela and tells her that it's her responsibility to fix something that she breaks. It just turns into a yelling match at that point. Angela's all, "Shut up!" And Jeffrey just gets louder. At this point, Laura interviews that Jeffrey thinks that he's the only person with enough skill to be allowed in the sewing room. His dress from the first challenge would disagree. But dresses can't talk. Unless you're Vincent. And no dress would disagree with Vincent if it knew what was good for it. Got it!
Jeffrey tells Angela that he's entitled to not like her, which is a giant leap into personal land. She agrees that he is entitled but insists that she was unfairly accused. Laura snaps at Jeffrey, "If you're so fucking successful and you know so much, what are you doing here, Jeff?" Jeffrey interviews that Laura was just being annoying. Yeah, I guess it's not annoying to have someone loudly bitching like a punk-ass while you're trying to get some work done. Then, in his interview, he imitates Laura by quacking. I'm not trying to get hypersensitive or nothing, but...this guy seems to have problems with women. Women's wear designer is a perfect choice of career. As he's leaving the sewing room, Jeffrey says, "God, I wish that fucking bitch would have a stroke." What a heel.
In the workroom, Michael says very calmly to Jeffrey that he doesn't think it's right for everyone to gang up on Angela. Not that they wouldn't have done it had they not worked with her, but it sounds like Michael and Laura may like Angela now. Jeffrey tells Michael that it's like a chain reaction and everyone is using the other person's sewing machine now. So it affects him and that's why he's angry. Michael interviews that he's not trying to "play Captain Save-a-ho, as we say in the hood." I welcome that phrase into my life. With giant Lindsay-bald-eagle open arms. Michael really doesn't push it, but he lets Jeffrey know that he thinks he was out of line.
I guess this is the Michael Show (I'm not complaining) -- he interviews that the competition is getting more stressful, and he's just trying to stay true to himself as a designer. Then, he calls his mom. She's very excited to talk to him and he assures her that he's praying every night. Then, he calls her "My Dear" when he's saying good-bye, which sounds really sweet.
With fifteen minutes remaining in the workday, Vincent decides that the linen that he purchased isn't "hitting" him. He tells Robert, and Robert decides to use tan linen for his Jackie suit. He thinks it will look young and modern. I'm telling you right now, linen suits are not modern. I think doctors on vacation when I think of linen. Or Houston ladies at a high school graduation.
Back at the apartments, Jeffrey has been allowed to remove his clothing again. If someone could just tattoo a jacket on Jeffrey, we'd all appreciate it. Kayne of Many Colors says that he's most excited to see Jeffrey's and Bradley's outfits. It seems like he's being nasty with a smile. ["Yeah? I thought it was more like Kayne was anticipating the icon -- Madonna, Cher -- rather than the designer. Though 'nasty with a smile' is certainly possible." -- Joe R] Jeffrey says that he wants to see Laura's, which Vincent says is not nice, proving that they are being nasty. Jeffrey says that Laura is mean and frigid and weird. Maybe I've held my cards to close to my vest -- I'm gonna let it out...I hate Jeffrey. Vincent suggests Jeffrey use a pitchfork on Laura; which, I'm assuming from the guffaws in the apartment, is an inside joke of which we are on the outside.
The day, Kayne of Many Colors says that this is his favorite challenge. Angela is shooting for sexy and sophisticated, ala her interpretation of Audrey Hepburn. Alison wants to hint at the 70's without making a dress that looks like it belongs in the 70's. Her diction is getting more and more erudite. I still love it. By season's end, she'll be Dame Judi Dench.
Jeffrey says, "I have one word for Bradley's top -- supercalifragilisticexpealiCRAZY." Maybe you didn't know, but Jeffrey's a part-time instructor at the Comedy Defensive Driving School in Santa Monica. That's where he gets jokes like that. The laws of right turn on red don't really sink in unless someone's making a few really outstanding yuks. He's great with balloons. Oh, and also, don't pick on Bradley, jerk off!
Bradley says that he hopes Cher will like his outfit. "Maybe she will. Maybe she won't." Cher loves an underdog, Bradley. Vincent tells Bradley that he loves the top that he's made and wants one for himself. Vincent's being kind of sweet right there.
Tim enters and tells the designers that he is sending in their models so that they can have a fifteen-minute consultation, in preparation for the runway show. Michael decides that he doesn't like the look of the dress that he made. He wants to let the essence of Pam Grier soak into his brain. Bradley made his pants too big, because he thought Katie would be bigger. He shouldn't have looked at her face so much. It is a little round.
Amanda, KoMC's model, won't stop talking. KoMC interviews that she should be pretty and seen and not open her mouth. It's nice to know these guys have stayed so humble. Everyone kind of agrees that Amanda talks too much, though. Poor thing. She's gonna be so embarrassed when she sees the show.
Tim gathers the designers and presents Nathaniel Hawkins, the lead stylist for the PR Tresemme Hair Salon. He's going to be assisting them with their looks. He tells them that the winning look and model will be featured in a Tresemme ad in Elle. Bradley says, "An ad for Tresemme? Yeah, I used their gel last night. It made my hair look better today, I think." Then he smiles. I love this man.
Each of the models consult with Nathaniel. When it's Robert's turn, he jests, "Oh, just cut her hair," about Danielle.
At the end of the day, Tim enters. He's bored by Robert's outfit. It looks like KoMC is on the right track. Michael tells Tim that he's going to make hot pants. Tim hates them (though his armoire doesn't reflect that) but acknowledges that they're popular now. He tells Bradley that his top looks like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. It does. This is sad.
As they are scurrying to finish, Robert is sewing by hand and says, "Details to Bore: straight from Robert Best to Nina Garcia." It doesn't look good for him.
The morning, as they are waking up, Alison looks so damn cute in her little nightgown. At the workroom, Tim tells everyone to make it work as the models enter. Robert interviews that he doesn't really like his outfit, but he's trying to "make it work." Amanda won't shut up. It actually is annoying. KoMC says that he would use her again, but only if her mouth were duct taped. Nice. Keith likes his hot pants.
After hair and make-up, Tim takes everyone to the runway. Robert's outfit is wrinkling and he says a miracle is needed to keep him from losing. Commercials. The poll this week is "Who's right in this fight?" Angela, Jeffrey, and Laura are the choices. Hmm. I'm going with Laura.
At the runway, Heidi enters dressed as her own favorite icon, Abba. She introduces the judges. Michael Kors is back!!! Joining Michael and Nina is Diane Von Furstenberg, who flashes a peace sign and wishes the designers good luck.
Alison's design begins the show. It's a short dress with a high waist and a plunging neckline. The bodice is sleeveless and fitted in black fabric. The skirt is flowing and a pale blue. All in all, it looks nothing like Farrah Fawcett. But Alexandra is working some Farrah hair and the dress is still pretty. I guess she sort of has a little leeway with the modernization part. Alison says that she can see Farrah in her design. At least she can.
up is Bradley's. It's a midriff baring blouse in iridescent purple fabric with little green geometric shapes at the . It's loose fitting and moves kind of stiffly. The pants are white and low riding and baggy. There are some long tassels on the front of the pants. Now, I'd say that the outfit does seem reminiscent of Cher. However, it's butt ugly. Nothing looks like it fits right and it's just all very ugly. Bradley doesn't really like it either, but he feels like it does look like Cher.
Following Bradley's monstrosity is Angela's design. It's a black cocktail dress. It's knee-length and fitted all over. The bodice is made of thick straps at the shoulder that connect to the skirt, revealing a wide swath of décolletage; but nothing too risqué. There is a textured chiffon or something covering the entire dress, which gives it a modern feel. She put those damn flowers all around the edge of the skirt. They're cute, but they're killing me. Angela is happy with it.
KoMC's is and it is hardcore. It's a halter evening gown and the straps are made of leather. The rest of the dress is made of nude fabric covered with a black chiffon. It's so sexy. There is a slit in the middle of the front of the dress that comes above the knee, though there is a ruffle along the slit that provides a little more coverage. He says that Amanda really worked it. I must give it up for Amanda and...her ass. Girl is WORKING it and she looks foine.
Laura's design is and it looks great. Extremely high waisted pants with a wrap blouse with a wide collar. The pants are tan and the blouse is light pink. It looks sexy yet classic. Nice stuff. Laura is worried that it won't seem dramatic enough for the judges.
Vincent's design is dramatic. A dramatic departure from the good design we just saw. He's matched black with a red and orange plaid to make a really juvenile looking short dress. I can see, just a little bit, what he may have been going for, but this was very poorly executed. There are little crescent black pockets on the front of the dress that I don't even think are symmetrical. And his bell sleeves are not winners. They don't seem modern. And they don't flatter the model. Vincent thinks he nailed it.
Michael's is . First of all, Nazri, his model, looks so good. Her hair is all fro'd out and awesome. The outfit is a bright magenta. The top is a blouse with a super low neckline. There's a waistband with a bejeweled buckle on it. The hot pants that he made are perfect. They're super short, but just loose enough to look almost kind of classy. Not that they are supposed to be trashy or something, but they're so neatly tailored -- they just look really good. Michael is glad that he changed his design.
is Robert's design. It's basically just a linen Chanel suit with a camisole underneath. The belt of the jacket is a rope, so it looks a little like Ellie Mae Clampett goes to the Opera. Robert doesnât seem to jazzed about it either.
Now, we have Uli's design. It's made with this wacky purple and black print. It's a long flowing gown with criss-crossing straps that create a cutout over the boob area. The back is cutout as well. I guess it looks like Diana Ross a little, but I have to say that it is one fucking ugly-looking dress. The print alone is worthy of a migraine.
Finally, it's Jeffrey's design. It's a Picasso-looking red bustier with a short shredded black skirt and combat boots. There's lots of asymmetry and jagged edges on the bustier. Since Madonna has looked like everything, I guess you could do anything; but I kind of feel like if you saw her wearing Jeffrey's design now, you'd feel like she was repeating herself. Jeffrey says that he felt like he was in his element.
After the show, Heidi calls forward Alison, Laura, Uli, and Jeffrey. They are all safe and leave the runway. They start with KoMC's dress. Heidi thinks it's genius. Michael calls it "goth Marilyn" because of the leather.
They don't like Vincent's dress so much. Diane Von Furstenberg has to remind Vincent that Twiggy is still alive because he keeps referring to her in the past tense. If you're on Bravo, you're dead to Vincent. Michael hates the pockets. All of them agree that it's a little depressing for Twiggy.
Michael says that he chose a bold color because Pam Grier always played bold characters. All of the judges love it. Diane says that she knows from hot pants and Michael has made some good ones.
Bradley is getting no love. Heidi thinks it looks like a Halloween costume. Diane just says that she "really didn't love" his outfit. Angela, however, gets kudos for being close to her icon. However, she's calling her stupid flower things "fleurchons," and I see red. Please don't, Angela. I'm trying, lady. Heidi loves the dress and wants it in every color.
Nina says that Jackie O would never wear the suit that Robert has made. No one likes the linen. It's not neat enough. Then, the judges deliberate.
Nina says that KoMC never bores her. Diane really liked his dress. Nina says that she was very surprised by Angela. Michael Kors loved Michael's presentation and his speech on the runway.
Michael Kors hated the sleeves and pockets on Vincent's design. Nothing worked about Bradley's outfit. It looked cheap. It was badly made. Oh God, Bradley, I miss you already. They were bored by Robert and surprised, because they figured he would be really in tune with Jackie O. Heidi says, "He did like an old lady again." There was something oddly charming about that.
So, Jeffrey wins the poll with 46%. Laura had 41% and Angela 13% and they were really on the same side, so I'm saying Angelaura won.
After deliberation, Angela is "in." Michael wins!! KoMC looks a little prissy about it, but it's understandable. He worked hard. Michael is so excited though. KoMC is "in." Vincent is "in." Oh God, I can't believe this is happening. Robert is slammed for his fabric choice and for being boring. Bradley is told that his outfit was unworthy of his icon. Robert is "in." NOOOOOOO! Bradley interviews that he made a "tinker toy" and got kicked out, but he's not regretful. But I am regretful. Bradley was my all-time favorite Project Runway boyfriend and I mourn his loss.
On a high note, we see Michael at the Tresemme fashion shoot and he looks like he has a great time. I hope that this is the start of great things for him.