| Season AS3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.12.2013
Last week: why couldn't Julie Kavner come be a judge?
This week: the designers are taken out to some helicopters so Alyssa can introduce the challenge. She speaks rapturously of QVC and their studios in Pennsylvania. The designers will be taken there in helicopters, and they freak out about it. People on reality shows love going for rides in helicopters. They shriek about everything, although that's partly because it's hard to hear anything.
They land at QVC headquarters and are welcomed by Lisa Robertson, who is...somebody at QVC. She's a host, which means salesperson. And she's here to present the challenge, which is to make a red carpet gown for her to wear at the QVC Oscars event. It's important that she be able to sit, stand, and move in it, because she'll probably have a lot of stuff to do on camera. And "a version" of the winning gown will be offered on QVC.
Now there's a tour of the QVC studios. It's very nice, but I don't see why I have to care about these people pretending to be on-camera "hosts" describing each other's clothing. It's not their skillset. Seth Aaron claims to recognize each of the sets, which I guess is possible. They're placed in the Isaac Mizrahi set to do their sketching. I always like the sketches, because I think there's an interesting effect from having drawings that are super-detailed on the clothing but just have a cartoon of a woman's head sticking out. Isaac Mizrahi himself comes in and makes some recommendation about "going for it." Thanks, Isaac.
Back to New York! The designers hit Mood and start the usual running around. Irina's sketch includes something labeled "leather orchids, three different sizes," which I find worrying. She's planning to show off Lisa's body. Elena purposely skips the neoprene this time because she wants to show that she can do something else. She's in the brocade aisle, which makes her a little scared.
Back to the workroom. They have ten hours to turn out gowns. This is not a lot of time, but that's not a new thing for this challenge. There doesn't appear to be a lot to talk about, so the producers present us with Seth Aaron and Christopher chatting while they sew. Christopher is going to use that "feathering [BLEEP]" he used in his original season. Elena is finding that brocade doesn't lie the way she was hoping, and she warns that she's going to freak out. She seems to imply that she only knows how to use neoprene, but that can't be right, can it? Surely anyone in the All-Stars season would be able to use a variety of fabrics.
| Season AS3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.12.2013
Viktor calls Elena "Pikachu," which is interesting and different. But things quickly return to normal, because Elena is freaking out about how she doesn't do gowns. Viktor, meanwhile, says that he has something important on his mind. But he doesn't say what, so it's kind of a dead end. There's so little going on that we spend some time with Korto and Seth Aaron talking about how he made a million dresses last week. Back to Viktor. He says he's a private person, but he's been living with something. So he gathers his close friends (Elena and Seth Aaron) to tell them his secret. It turns out that he's been HIV-positive for seven years, and the only person who knows is his partner. Elena and Seth Aaron rush over to give him hugs, which is appropriate. Elena offers a backrub, but he asks her to do his gown instead. Nice try, pal. Anyway, your gown is going to be better than hers. So that's the big revelation, and it's time to get back to work.
Zanna comes in for the usual chat. According to her, the key element is that the gown must look good in person and when photographed. And she warns them that she doesn't want to see any duo-toned strapless gowns, which worries Christopher on account of that's exactly what he's working on. She starts with him, and he tries to distract her with his texture. He speculates that he could add some leather shoulder things or something. Viktor is doing a mermaid effect with an hourglass, and Zanna tells him that green gowns will never appear on magazine covers. But green's all he has. Seth Aaron's plan to add length to his gown makes Zanna cover her eyes and wail. So he backs off it. Elena is despairing, of course, and Zanna tells her to pull herself together. Irina's dress is white, which makes Zanna warn her about being too bridal. Viktor thinks it's a really good wedding dress. Korto's dress is bright orange and has a lot of detailing, but Zanna thinks it looks cheap and not elegant. On her way out, Zanna tells them all that they're terrible and need to do better.
The models come in, and most of the designers actually have something approaching a dress. But Christopher's dress is nowhere near fitting around his model's butt. And Irina's dress tears when she starts putting it on her model. There's a photographer here to take some test shots of the dresses so the designers can see what it looks like on camera. I don't like Korto's dress here, because the orange is so bright that we can't see any of the details. Viktor is concerned about his puckering. Korto decides she needs to start over, and there only thirty minutes before the end of the day. And she doesn't have a lot of fabric left over. Before she gets too far, the day ends and she admits she's in trouble.
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| Season AS3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.12.2013
The morning, it's the day of the runway show. They have two hours in which they're supposed to be doing finishing touches. No one's talking, so Korto has to narrate the whole thing, describing each person as freaking out. The models come in and get shoved into their dresses. Elena's dress fits, but Christopher describes it as "Starship Enterprise...cocktail waitress." Viktor's dress doesn't fit perfectly, and it's got some weird seams going on. Hair and makeup go the same as usual, with a barrage of context-free phrases juxtaposed with close-ups of models' faces. Viktor thinks Christopher's dress might be on the top. Christopher thinks Seth Aaron's model's butt looks huge. Korto thinks she should be in the top three, but Viktor thinks it's just a maxi-dress with no design. Irina's dress is very tight. So tight, in fact, that the seams are popping out when the model tries to walk. The leather orchids on the train make it look even more like a wedding gown. Korto thinks she and Seth Aaron were the only ones that made dresses that someone could move around in.
Runway time. Alyssa comes out to announce that Georgina is missing yet again, so we'll be treated to Mondo Guerra. Isaac Mizrahi isn't going anywhere on QVC week, so he's here. Lisa Robertson is the judge, because she's going to have to wear the winner. And here's Elisabeth Moss, who plays Peggy on Mad Men! Yay!
Christopher's gown has a bunch of tulle exploding off the legs. Viktor's dress requires the model to shuffle to keep from falling over. Seth Aaron's dress at least lets his model walk around. It's kind of crazy-looking. It looks a lot better from the front than the back, where it doesn't flow at all. Korto's dress looks comfortable, but it's too casual for a red carpet. It looks like it took her two hours, because it did. Elena's dress looks kind of cool, but she sounds very worried about it. Irina has made a beige wedding dress. She can pretend she didn't, but she did.
We're down to six designers, so everyone's in either the top or bottom. Irina's dress has already ripped open, but they start with Seth Aaron. He's proud of his weirdo hemline, but Mondo doesn't like the wings on the sides. Isaac has the model turn around and says, "Look at the size of her butt," which means I have to pause the show while I do the entire opening monologue to "Baby Got Back." Okay, I'm done. He likes everything except the model's butt. Lisa is concerned about the hemline on the front going all the way up to her crotch, because she'll be on camera.
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| Season AS3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 12.12.2013
Irina claims that she wanted her dress to look like an "orchid plant," and she blames the model for tearing the dress. Not cool, lady. Isaac points out a lot of puckering. Lisa likes it a lot, though. Mondo digs the flowers. Alyssa says that in the photographs, it looks even more like a wedding dress. Elena's , and she doesn't like her own dress. Isaac likes the fabric, but not the shape. Mondo does not like the folds in the back. Korto talks up her dress's comfort and pockets. Lisa is also into the idea of comfort if she has to wear something all night. Isaac thinks it looks like it comes from an important collections.
Christopher's photo doesn't look as good as the dress does in person. Isaac thinks it's "perfectly divine from start to finish." Viktor says his train creates drama. It certainly does; it makes everyone wonder how long it will be before the person wearing this dress trips over the train and falls down. Elisabeth does not like the color or the wings. Isaac loves the wings, but he thinks there are too many ruffles. Mondo loves the ruffles and everything. Lisa finds it disappointing.
The designers mope into the back room and are all exhausted and crying to some degree. Out front, the judges go over the dresses again. This dress is divine, that dress combines hard and soft, and so forth. There's a lot of disagreement, because Alyssa and Isaac like opposite things. Lisa is concerned that Korto's dress might not be glamorous enough, although she really loves it. They argue about all the dresses. Even when they all don't like something, they don't like it for different reasons.
The designers come back out. Seth Aaron is safe. Christopher and Korto are the top two. Lisa announces that the winner is Korto, who is pleased. She and Christopher go to the back. Viktor's safe, which leaves Elena and Irina. I was hoping one of them would go home! Not because I dislike either of them; it's just that their names are so similar I'm always afraid I'm using the wrong one. The loser is Irina, because her dress was falling apart on the runway. Elena's safe, and she bursts into the tears that are always lurking just under the surface.
week: Nina Garcia shows up, possibly because she got off the elevator on the wrong floor.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.
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