| Season AS1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2012
Wow, Mondo's really showing off those legs! I guess, since Heidi's not around, that was kind of necessary. By the way, Heidi's not there. Neither are the judges, nor Tim! No Tim! Instead of Heidi, we have completely accentless Angela Lindvall. The judges are Georgina Chapman and Isaac Mizrahi. So, Mondo and his legs start off the show and we meet all of the returning designers, most of whom seem to really deserve their shot at winning the big prize, which includes a one year editorship at Marie Claire.
The designers all show a recent design and everyone is pretty impressive. Mila, naturally, makes something that is color-blocked and Anthony, sweet, sweet, Anthony makes something that Julia Sugarbaker would have loved. No surprises there. But, Rami makes a design that is inspired by the Disney Concert Hall (read: NOT DRAPED).
Then, they all go to the Flatotel and see an encouraging video message from Valentino. Half of the designers cry about it and I thought that was totally lame. The day, they hear from Angela (who is really just no Heidi, I'm sorry) that they have to make a look reflecting the look they showed previously... with items from a 99 cent store. People are uvulating a lot this season, which I find odd. April from Season 8 has dyed her hair silver and I love it. Anthony decides that he's not going to be too critical of Elisa's nutty behavior, seeing as he had a grandmother committed to the "crazy house" and he knows from crazy. Joanna Coles, the editor-in-chief of Marie Claire, is the mentor and she really brings an interesting perspective. She's super hard on Sweet Pea (love!) and Elisa. Austin Scarlett, whose improbably increased affectedness I am still wondering if I love or hate, burns a hole in his plastic dress and has to improvise.
OK, so Kenley. I don't know how I feel about her. I mean, whether I hate her more, the same or less. I'm thinking it's going to be the same or more. Sweet Pea, Elisa and Gordana are the bottom three. Rami, Jerell and Mondo are the top three. Rami wins! And he didn't drape! He's still a hot daddy though. Elisa, who is so amazing and talks about how she's into sacred geometry, which is maybe... MAYBE one of the most freaking awesome things I have ever heard in my almost 21 years on Planet Fitness, gets the boot. So sad, but at least that means that Sweet Pea doesn't go home. This is going to be nice, this season of watching these folks try to reclaim (or claim) some former glory. I've missed a lot of their energies. But, Kenley's there too, so we'll see. This tug boat has left the dock.
Guys! I'm scared of this show. It has so much potential ...for both good and evil. Maybe it will be this fascinating look into the minds of all these very creative hyper-ambitious people who get a second chance at the brass ring and become even more ambitious! That would be cool, right? Or, what if it's watching erstwhile reality show It-thangs whose talents have grown soft and their ambition has curdled, making them emotional slot machines just begging for some camera time. That would be sad. Well, let's forge ahead together.
Here's Mondo! I love Mondo! But, what the fuck is going on with those shorts? Seriously though, he's a cute enough guy. I don't know why he wants to look like an Olsen twin. They are SO short. He tells us that he made it all the way to the end of his season and his heart was broken. He says the typical stuff about how he's going to win this whole thing, which, I'm sorry to be so paranoid, is troubling considering Mondo was anything but typical previously. Then, who does he see? Michael Costello. Michael Costello is an all-star in something, guys. That's rude, but you know you were thinking something similar. He and Mondo embrace and he swings Mondo around. It's really very sweet. Mondo says that he knew he would see Michael there.
Here comes the rain, I mean, Mila. Y'all remember her and her color-blocking from Season 7, yes? She says that she's the best designer here (I guess she met everyone or nabbed a call sheet?) because she is fashion forward, contemporary and accessible. Blah. Getting close to the win during her season is what is driving her now. STOP IT -- it's Anthony Williams, also from Season 7! So happy to see him. He says that the most important thing that he learned when he was on the show was to never second guess himself. You see, that's funny, because I always felt like his problem was not like third and fourth guessing himself. There wasn't a lot of depth to his designs. He knows that some people don't consider him much competition, but to those folks he's all, "You think this is a game? Let's go."
Here's Jerell, that drama queen from Season 5. I'm gonna need a Red Bull to get through another show with this guy. Or some chamomile. With honey. I have to take care of my instrument. That's right. Jerell tells us that he doesn't want to leave without a sash and an oversized tiara. Oh my... here's Elisa Jimenez. Of Season 4. I have watched so much television. You remember Elisa -- hippy, survived a car accident, maybe touched in the head. She's just lovely. Well, she says that she has entered this experience with the belief that she can take a huge prize away from it. Austin Scarlett is here too. He tells us that someone had to put the star in all-star. I'm already falling asleep. Don't get me wrong, I loved Austin just as much as everyone else did in the beginning. Now though, he just seems far too precious. I can't really handle it. But, I guess I have to, don't I?
By Jeff Long | Season AS1 | Episode 1
It's Kenley. I knew this had to happen. She looks adorable, that nasty jerk. She VO's that she knows she can come off as snobby, stuck up and rude. Stop. But screw everyone else and do what you love, she says. So, I guess I'm loving that Kenley has apparently not changed one little bit. So clueless. She and Jerell bump into each other in the park and give each other a hug. So, they all meet at Limelight. Rami, he of the Xanadu costume design, says that he has heard some "stories" about Limelight when it was a club. Come off it, Rami. As if you weren't doing blow with Rupert Everett off of some hooker's skateboard there in 1990. Sweet P's there too! And, here's Gordana Gehlhausen, a person I know nothing about. I didn't watch one moment of that season. She seems nice enough. Oh God, yay! There's April from last season! Her hair is silver and I love it! There's Kara Janx. I waited on her a couple of months ago. She was lovely (a little high maintenance) and her husband is smoking.
Angela Lindvall, our supermodel and host, greets the designers. Mila reminds us that Angela has worked in all aspects of fashion modeling. She's a pro. April says that she's happy for a "new perspective" which sounds suspiciously like "I hope Heidi Klum chokes on a peanut this winter." Angela tells the designers that the prize for winning this competition is a biggie: a boutique in Neiman Marcus stores and on their website. This is huge. Also, the winner will get (along with the usual pictorial) a year-long guest editorship at Marie Claire. Wow. Nina's comments may come back to haunt her in the form of stolen yogurt from the company fridge. Where's your probiotic now, Garcia? Also, they'll get a whole bunch of technology and equipment and office space, not to mention a hundred grand. Nice, right? All of it adds up to about a half a mil. "That's a lot of prizes," remarks Sweet P.
Angela reminds them all that they have a clean slate in the competition. Also, since they're all-stars, there will be no immunity in the challenges. It's time to meet the new judges and Anthony interviews that he doesn't know anything about these new people, so he's going to keep one eye open. My suggestion would be for him to just go ahead and keep all of his eyes open, but I'm overly cautious like that. The first judge is Georgina Chapman from Marchesa. So pretty! Also, Isaac Mizrahi. Elisa uncomfortably and super-earnestly tells us that she has so much respect for how Isaac has reinvented himself. True, before he was a guy talking about fashion on Bravo and now he's on Lifetime. Revolutionary, really.
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| Season AS1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2012
Angela says to the designers that they were asked to bring a recent creation that represents them as designers. Their models are backstage and they're about to have their first fashion show of the season. They head backstage and get to work. Sweet P says that her biggest competition is Kara, but she likes her so she doesn't really want her to go. But, she wants her to go instead of herself, if it comes down to that. Michael thinks that Sweet P is very talented and considers Rami his biggest competition. Elisa instructs her model to "open like a flower" when she gets on the runway.
We're almost ready for the show! It begins with Jerell, who presents a long gown with a dramatic print that could easily look tacky on the wrong person. is Mila, who blocked some color (but taupe is one of them... PROGRESS!) and made a shapeless asymmetrical dress that is really quite hip. Kenley made a pretty blue gown. Austin made a lovely blue gown as well, though his has an empire waist and is satin. And, kinda green as well. Elisa's girl comes out and spreads her wings. She's wearing a white dress with writing on it. Also, she has wings. Rami's dress is and it's surprisingly constructed. Lots of angles and no draping. Gordana presented a short white dress with a long white train and militaristic red shoulders. It's pretty cool and she interviews that she's hoping to redeem herself. April presented a black dress with gray in the bodice and soft shoulders and an almost delicate collar. She says that it's the softer side of her. Anthony walks a very pretty green one-shouldered number that's very soft and feminine. A bejeweled, giant safety pin is in the side of it. Michael made this flowing number and says that his model made him question his sexuality. He's making me question mine. Mondo is up and it has all of the trademarks of his talent -- great fit, sexy, a little austere. But, there's something in the styling that is really dated. Like, Michael Alig may have worn this very same outfit in this very same place 17 years ago. At least the shoes and stockings. He was definitely wearing those.
Afterwards, Georgina and Isaac both say that they are excited for what is to come. So, that's all. Angela sends them to the penthouse at the Flatotel and says that they will meet on location for their first all-star challenge the day. Angela is a little bit like an elementary school teacher and I really like that about her.
The designers go to the penthouse and Elisa tests several beds before deciding which one she wants. Then, she marks it with her lipstick, which Kenley remembers as her "thing." Michael finds a note telling the designers to watch a video. He interviews that he started looking around for what he could rip apart to make a dress. This is what war does to you. But, they press play and it's merely a personal message of encouragement from Jesus. Wait, it's only Valentino. They're just all acting like it's Jesus. You know what? They may even really care about having him close to any part of their lives, but the TEARS that are shed by this group about this little video message from Valentino? Those are manufactured. This reminds me of freshman acting class when everyone was trying to look like they just CARED so much more than everyone else. April, at least, doesn't give a shit. I love her all the more for it. They toast with champagne and everyone starts ululating, which I didn't realize had become an actual thing that we just do. I bet Elisa started that.
| Season AS1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2012
The day, the designers meet Angela at a 99 cent store. Yeah, that's right, they're going to have to design something from stuff found in the store. But, the design has to be inspired by the look they showed the day before. Angela says they need to be innovative. Everyone starts shopping. April gets a bunch of mops. Sweet P gets a lot of dish cloths, because she liked the bright colors. Mondo smartly says that he tried to stay away from traditional materials. Isn't it funny that, at this point in the show's existence, there are actually predictable items in a 99 cent store that would be the go-to items to recreate a high fashion look? Like, everybody's probably like, "Girl, stay AWAY from the shower curtains." Elisa bumps into Kenley really hard with her basket at one point and I thought we were about to witness some tugboat justice.
Michael gets a whole bunch of mop heads too and only realizes that he and April have the same materials when he's checking out. She interviews that she's not worried because they have completely different aesthetics and there's no way that they would make similar dresses. That's a pretty nice way of saying what she means right there. He says that he's worried about April mopping the floor with him because she's so good. You know, having such intense humility may actually be detrimental in some way, but I feel like the universe kind of helps Michael out from time to time because he's so willing to see the talent of others with clear eyes.
The designers go into their new workroom. It's beautiful. Elisa thanks the deities for the room. Yes, she does. Angela comes in and tells them that they'll be meeting with their mentor, editor-in-chief of Marie Claire, Joanna Coles, later that day. Kenley says that she was glad to hear that Joanna was their mentor. I'm sure she was, after how horrible she was to Tim Gunn. She says that Joanna has an interesting perspective because she edits a magazine and that's who ultimately want to impress. She wishes them luck and leaves.
Everyone starts working and Elisa decides that, of course, she will work on the floor underneath her table. Anthony interviews that it's not that weird to him because he has a grandmother who was committed to the crazy house. Michael has a long road and a lot of sewing in front of him. Jerell points out to him that his and April's dresses look a lot alike.
Joanna arrives and greets everyone. She starts her consultation with Sweet P. She sees that she's using dish towels in a fairly straightforward way and asks what part of her look will surprise the judges. She can't answer. Surprise is big, apparently. Jerell says that her dress looks bad. She moves on to Gordana. Joanna seems to like what she has done. She tells her that her dress is one of those garments that looks bad on the hanger, but comes to life on the model. Mondo says that Gordana's dress looks like a piñata and he hopes that her model is full of candy. Heh.
| Season AS1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2012
Mondo tells Joanna that he's not sure if he's in a competitive mood or not as of yet. She asks him what it will take to get there and he guesses that making something for the challenge that he is proud of. She moves to Elisa and says that she hopes that she won't spit on her. Elisa rapidly says, with a big smile on her face, that it is just something you do with your tongue, she's been doing it for 18 years and her clients pay her for her blessing/tonguing. Now, you know that a dollar with make Joanna holler, honey boo boo. She asks Elisa what she's going to do to surprise the judges and she says that she actually thinks it's important for you to surprise yourself while looking at it. Joanna wisely checks out of the conversation at that point.
After the mentoring, everyone gets to work. Drama arrives when Austin realizes that the hot glue gun burnt through his plastic dress. As he's freaking out, Mondo walks up and is like, "Put that away" about the hot glue gun, because it's still right beside the dress! He doesn't know what to do and the work day is almost over. Michael says that he thinks Austin will be kaput in the competition now.
The day though, they get to work and Austin seems to find an acceptable way to cover up the hole. Hair and make-up happens. Austin is wearing a scarf around his head. They hit the runway and Angela greets them wearing a dress that looks like it's made of candy. Kara says "Wow" and I concur. She's really stunning. She also has the least placeable regional accent ever. She's from Everywhere, America. She introduces Georgina and Isaac. The guest judge is the Senior VP and Fashion Director of Neiman Marcus, Ken Downing. Ken is sporting a look that Zac Efron would be hard pressed to look young enough to wear. Ken could be Zac's great-uncle. I'm just saying.
The show begins with Austin's look. It's all plastic table cloths. It's layered a shimmering and almost the same color as his original look. Kara is and her girl is wearing a pink bustier and a black skirt. It has the same coolness of her first look, but the color of the bustier really pops. This is really good. You can't even really tell what materials she used. Jerell's look is and it has the same silhouette and bodice of the original look, but this one is made with table cloths and handkerchiefs. Elisa made shorts and a tight top and wings. She is absolutely thrilled, but it doesn't look very special. Rami made another hyper-constructed look. He's thrilled with it and looks great. Sweet P is with her dish towel dress. I don't hate it, but it's probably a little simple-minded. Mondo's look is . He tells us that he loves seeing his work come down the runway and it's easy to see why. He made a kick-ass little garment here. It's a black dress with those same Mondo-isms as before. Kenley's dress is shorter than the original but still has the same negative/positive space at play. She's very proud of it. Gordana's dress is and Joanna was right, it moves beautifully. Anthony made a short dress with the same silhouette as his inspiration look and it's pretty good. The color is purple and it's very pretty. Mila's and, I have to say, I really don't love this. It has the same contrast as her inspiration look, but it's just a very unattractive look. Michael's look is and...I think I get it. It's less derived from his original look and more like the same girl would wear both dresses. He cracks that he would like to hang with this girl on a beach somewhere and have her soak up spilled drinks. Afterwards, April's dress comes out. It's full length and dramatic and looks like it took a lot of skill. Michael says that it made him nervous seeing April's, because it was so beautiful.
| Season AS1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.05.2012
Afterwards, Rami, Jerell, Elisa, Sweet P, Gordana and Mondo are the top and bottom. They start with Rami and it's clear that they love his look. Isaac thinks that he really nailed the execution. Ken thinks it could pass for an actual designer look. They move to Sweet P and they are not fans. Isaac thinks that it looks unfinished and Georgina thinks that she should have been more precise with her color blocking. Georgina felt that Jerell's look was very wearable. Ken feels that the hemline was very of the moment. Elisa explains that she is very into sacred geometry. That's right. She doesn't really expand on what that means and I have no problem with that because I'm loving her love of sacred geometry. She says that there's a story on the wings and Ken says you shouldn't have to hear a story to get the clothes. You should see the story. They all LOVE Mondo's look. Ken says that he would actually like to sell that very dress, sans the materials that need to be hosed down after being worn. Isaac loves his sense of proportion. Georgina thinks that Gordana puts too many ideas in a single design. Georgina thinks that Jerell didn't work to surprise them enough. She also really has a problem that she couldn't know Elisa's garment without READING it.
The designers return to the stage. Jerell is in. Mondo vs. Rami. The winner is Rami! He's so happy because he was able to show that he doesn't just drape! Everyone is happy backstage. Back to the losers. Gordana is in. Angela tells Sweet P that she needs to not question herself so much. Elisa's out! She gets hugs backstage and she tells Sweet P that she's so glad that she's safe. That's just really nice. She interviews that Valentino's message told her to continue to make beautiful things. I hope you do!
Jeff Long is a writer/performer in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com and followed on Twitter at @jblong.