| Season AS3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.24.2013
Oh, hello! Did you think the Project Runway season was over? Well, it is! And instead of filling time with that show about making bracelets (which was called Project Accessory, and you can go ahead and look it up if you think I'm lying), Lifetime is hitting us with another season of Project Runway All Stars, a very similar show that you have to set your Tivo for separately. And it's got different judges, no Tim Gunn, and no Heidi. Instead, we have Alyssa Milano! The one from Who's the Boss! And also a lot of other work since then, including Mistresses, but that's no fun. To me, she'll always be, um, whoever she played on Who's the Boss. Was she Tony Danza?
Enough of all this Alyssa Milano talk. We've got some All Stars to try desperately to remember! Like Viktor Luna, from season nine! And Mychael Knight, who I actually remember from season three! He's wearing a ridiculous garment that starts as a white T-shirt on top, but as soon as it's past his chest, it turns into leopard print. And there's Daniel Esquivel from season eleven. I remember nothing about his clothes, but he seemed nice and has an extravagant moustache. They're all just meeting on the street, which is an interesting change from the usual hotel room.
up is Korto Momolu, from season five. And Elena Slivnyak from season ten, who wants to prove that she's not the bitch everyone thinks she is. That rarely works (although it kind of did for Kate this last season), but she's been taking yoga, so it'll be fine. Melissa Fleis of season ten claims that being on All Stars is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, although it's probably going to be a lot like that time she was on Regular Project Runway. She acts happy to see Elena. Also from season ten: Christopher Palu, who I vaguely remember liking. Ari South was the season eight finalist, and the reason you don't remember her is that she competed under the name (and gender identity) of Andy. Christopher is much less happy to see Elena than she is to see him. There's a lot of hugging, with various degrees of sincerity.
Is that it? Eight designers? Great! We'll be done by Christmas! They go to see Alyssa, who looks great. Although not quite as great as Heidi Klum, which I suspect is why she got the job. Heidi's no fool. They're in Bryant Park, right by Parsons. It'll be a ten-week season, even though there are only eight of them. But then! Jeffrey Sebelia jogs out to join the cast! And he was the actual winner of season three, so people are worried. I remember him! He was the jerk with the throat tattoo. He still has the tattoo, but it remains to be seen if he's still a jerk. And there's also season six winner Irina Shabayeva. And also season seven winner Seth Aaron Henderson, who claims he doesn't care about the money as long as he wins.
| Season AS3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.24.2013
Alyssa lays out some ground rules. There will be no immunity, and one person will go home each week until there's a winner. God, I hope that's true. I'm pretty much over the shocking double eliminations and shocking non-eliminations that pad out competitive reality shows. The winner will receive "exposure on an unprecedented scale," which is kind of vague. The judges are Isaac Mizrahi and Georgina Chapman, plus Alyssa. And random guest judges. Zanna Roberts Rossi will be the mentor who makes everyone sad that Tim Gunn isn't there to encourage them.
The first challenge is about "punk." And the guest judge will be Debbie Harry. I thought she preferred Deborah? Or am I thinking of Debbie Gibson? Anyway, she's punk enough for anyone, and Blondie is doing a new album. The designers each get an MP3 player and they have to listen to the album while they sketch. That's a little weird. But here's the real twist: the designers are going to Mood and have to make their designs there. No workroom! No sewing room! That's a little nutty.
While the designers sketch, we hear one of the songs. It sounds nice! I'm on board with this piece of shameless product placement. Although I consider Blondie more of a New Wave band. Irina notes that the song includes lyrics about red and black, so she's going with that. Elena thinks patchworks of crazy colors are punk rock. Jeffrey is determined to avoid "Hot Topic punk rock." Victor is actually wearing a leather jacket covered in metal studs that would not have looked out of place at CBGB, and he's going with a tuxedo jacket covered in grommets. Seth Aaron claims to have grown up punk and New Wave, and since he's the only one to actually mention New Wave, I'm willing to believe him.
Mood! Unlike on the flagship show, where Tim gives everyone a pep talk before shopping, the All Stars are just thrown out there on their own. They have thirty minutes and $200 for shopping. Elena takes off her heels for better running. Melissa goes to the leather section because she already makes custom leather jackets. How convenient! She's going to do a classic leather jacket but in white. Ari doesn't have a plan, so she's just getting fabric that looks good. Daniel shares a secret he learned on his first season: "You can do anything with silk organza." Well...not anything. There's a pretty narrow range, really. But if that's where you're comfortable designing, go for it.
They have ten and a half hours to go. Their work stations are some tables downstairs, and it's hot and cramped. Mychael thinks it's a good environment for punk. And Swatch the dog is there, which should be at least a little fun. Ari draws a parallel between her journey and punk's personal aesthetic. Jeffrey complains that he hasn't made clothes for grown-ups for quite some time. Elena realizes very quickly that her design has a million little pieces, which is going to be too much work. It might not be too late to change your plans, Elena.
| Season AS3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.24.2013
There's a commercial for the QVC Accessory Wall. That sounds more janky than the Belk Wall, and I've never even heard of Belk.
Viktor's grommet plan is a little more complicated than he'd hoped, because the grommet machine is back at Parsons. So he's having to pound them flat with a hammer, which involves a certain amount of accidentally hitting his own hand. Melissa is making a white leather vest, which might be taking too much time, since she's also supposed to have a shirt and pants at some point. Jeffrey is a little bored, so he tries to get Mychael to fight with him. Mychael does his best to ignore him. We'll see how that goes.
Remember how Seth Aaron claimed he didn't care about the money? Well, now he says he's started a new business and desperately needs the cash. But forget that, because Zanna is here! She expects great things. She starts with Seth Aaron, who's drawn a delightful little cartoon for his sketch. Christopher thinks it looks like a punk kimono. Zanna warns Viktor not to have too many ideas. Jeffrey thinks Korto's look isn't punk because it doesn't have anything hard in it. Well, there's something to be said for ratty old sweaters being pretty punk rock. Johnny Rotten always looked pretty comfortable to me. Elena is going with "pop-punk" from the 1980s, so her top has a lot of neon colors in it, which Viktor thinks is crazy. Zanna thinks it's an outfit for car racing. When Zanna examines Christopher's line of safety pins, she says, "This is a bit bric-a-brac. It needs to be level." None of that means anything. She also does not like Ari's look, which she finds to be neither punk nor fashion-forward. Ari seems to think that using green fabric is enough to make something punk. Zanna reminds everyone that they'll get a couple of hours to finish tomorrow, plus access to this newly branded accessory wall I've already made fun of.
The models are here! Jeffrey has some fit issues, and he can't disassemble the clothes to fix it properly. Luckily, there's something punk rock about doing something cheaply and quickly. Elena is a little concerned that she's the only one here who's never won a challenge (so...in what sense is she an All Star?) but her mood gets better when her model suggests taking her ridiculous ill-fitting neon patchwork top and wearing it backwards. It does look a little better that way. At least now it looks like it's on purpose. Ari looks at her model wearing her pants and makes a big move: she cuts the legs off and reattaches them as sleeves. That's sufficiently crazy to feel like punk. The day winds down and Melissa still has an entire dress to do.
| Season AS3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.24.2013
The day! Everyone's still in Mood's basement, and it's a madhouse. Melissa's dress is just a piece of fabric hastily wrapped around the model and then sewn to fit. That might be a little too punk rock. The hair and makeup is also being done at Mood. I'm starting to wonder if the workroom was still being used by the regular Project Runway at this point. There's a round of people doing interviews where they sniff at each other's designs, and Jeffrey has to fix some problems with his fur lapels with ten minutes to go.
Runway time. Alyssa comes out to describe the prize: "an opportunity to create their own custom-branded capsule collection for QVC." Also a computer, a "contributing editor" title at Marie Claire, a year of bottled water, a trip for two to Southeast Asia, free hairstyling and photography, makeup for their first show, a sewing machine, and $150,000 in cash. Some of that is dumb, but it's allegedly worth over $750,000. So that's probably worth it. We already learned that the judges are Georgina, Isaac, and Alyssa. And it does not even come as a surprise that the guest judge is Debbie Harry. Let's get punk!
Jeffrey's look has a big, silly flouncy skirt. Christopher's has too many safety pins. Irina's is, if anything, too put together. It has one of those big back-zippers. Viktor's model is carrying a huge bag for no reason. I like the grommets, though. There is nothing remotely punk about Korto's dress. And it has another back zipper. Daniel has decided to use a belt to wrap his model's waist in neon pink pipe cleaners. Or...hay? It kind of looks like hay? Elena's model is the first one whose hair kind of looks like a mohawk. Ari's clothes are just a lot of mismatched fabric sewn together. Mychael's garment is pretty darn sleek, I think. I can't tell what Melissa did with all her time, because the vest should not have taken all that time. Seth Aaron's jacket is really interestingly structured. And there's a hint of bondage pants.
Christopher, Irina, Mychael, Daniel, and Korto are safe. Good work; get out. The remaining six are the top and bottom. Viktor takes a moment to goob out about Debbie Harry, and Isaac loves the jacket although he doesn't like the lack of edge. Georgina thinks this woman is a little too conformist. Alyssa thinks the pieces don't go together. Debbie doesn't like the shoes because they're too sophisticated. Now that she mentions it, none of these models are wearing combat boots.
| Season AS3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.24.2013
Jeffrey boasts about his punk rock roots. Georgina thinks his model has a punk rock attitude. Isaac likes how makeshift it looks. Debbie remembers waists being very high back then.
Georgina loves the construction of Ari's shorts, but Alyssa doesn't find it at all punk. Seth Aaron says he was a punk rocker who leaned toward The Cure, and Alyssa is on board. She loves the plaid pants, because it shows that he knows what punks dressed like. Georgina loves the white leather jacket. Melissa describes what she would have done if she'd had time, which never works. Georgina likes the weirdness of the back of the vest and dress. The judges love the thrown-together dress. Elena claims that she was inspired by the idea of a girl going to a secondhand store, buying a bunch of different leather jackets, cutting them up, and reassembling them. Lady, no punk rocker can afford multiple leather jackets. Isaac loves the backwards jacket because it reminds him of a straitjacket. Putting it backwards really saved it. I don't think she thought of the straitjacket angle, but it does look pretty cool.
The models are dismissed and the judges start deliberating. Georgina breaks out the first "editorial" of the season in reference to Jeffrey. Alyssa checks off the "I would wear this" box. I think what really helped Elena's backwards jacket was that the neon parts were largely moved to the back. Isaac suggests that punk is supposed to have a trashiness to it, and he feels the need to apologize to Debbie. Man, she knows.
The designers come back out. Debbie will wear the winning design. Somewhere. Seth Aaron is safe. Debbie announces that Elena is the winner and she'll be wearing the jacket. Elena is doubled over with emotion. Jeffrey's also safe. Melissa is in the bottom three, but she's safe. We're down to Viktor and Ari. And the loser is...Ari! Aw. She seems nice, but her outfit didn't work at all. Viktor bursts into tears and goes to the back.
Ari decides that her criticism was that her clothes were too well executed. She goes to the back room for hugs, then leaves. This is where I really miss Tim; he checks in when people are eliminated and makes sure they're okay before sending them to clean up their space. Zanna doesn't do any of that; she just does one pass in the workroom and then gets on with her life.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.