Does This Hat Make Moi's Ears Look Fat?

Aired 01-19-2012

| Season AS1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.19.2012

This week, the designers are designing for Miss Piggy. Since she wears a lot of designer clothes, I'm not sure I understand what is special about the challenge, but, nonetheless, it IS the challenge. Most people go big and dramatic, but Gordana makes something soft and feminine. I honestly have watched it like three times and I am still not sure I understand exactly what happened, but Mondo and Kara appear to fight over a pair of gloves that were on the Neiman Marcus accessory wall. Beats me how you can claim anything that's on the wall, when it's right there and you could just go take it, meaning that ownership wouldn't be an issue because it would be in your actual possession -- but we have that problem.

You know, Austin has laid off the make-up a little and he looks absolutely adorable this week. Mila calls out Kara and Kenley (in an interview) for being needy and constantly wanting input from the other designers. Oddly, something about the non-human aspect of the challenge makes everyone create pretty interesting work. It's all dramatic and funny and cute.

There's a lovely moment were all of the designers are sitting around chatting and laughing and commiserating about how hard it is to be a designer. It's really nice. So, it's Kara who ruins that moment. She doesn't take the stuff she wants off the wall, then she's like, “Where's my stuff?” when someone else takes it.

Miss Piggy is the guest judge and she's amazing. It comes down to people being up to the challenge of creating something dramatic and FUN. For instance, Austin makes a really lovely dress that is made expertly, but it's not really fun. At least, it's not the right kind of fun. Rami, however, makes a dress that's ridiculous and it's perfect. Mila makes something so serious, even though it's mod. Gordana's dress is just not exciting at all and not flattering to the pig silhouette. Kenley makes the most delightfully sweet confection, but she gets points taken off for an oddly constructed bust line. Michael wins the challenge (though it should have been Rami). She wears it to the The Muppets movie premiere. Take that, Amy Adams. Gordana gets the boot for her sweet, completely not-dramatic dress. Miss Piggy tells her to not forget that she is an all-star as she walks off the runway. Miss Piggy does a real service to the ladies out there who are feeling self-conscious about their ears. Don't let them hold you back, big-eared ladies!

I love it when they cut right to it. Here's Angela Lindvall on the runway. She has really gorgeous legs. She tells the designers that their challenge is to create a flamboyant cocktail dress for one of the most famous fashionistas in the world. So, I guess "fashionista" is just totally part of the lexicon now, huh? It's not going the way of the "feminazi." I guess we'll all just have to deal with that.

Everybody has dressed this famous fashionista. Austin's guesses are Madonna, Cher and Lady Gaga. Man, if you could count the number of times Cher and Gaga have been invoked as possible judges. The name of the diva? Miss Piggy. Oh, hell yes. I used to listen to Miss Piggy's Aerobique Workout every day on my way to junior high and it is still like the very height of comedy genius in my mind. Everybody is psyched.

Apparently, Piggy needs a new dress to wear while promoting The Muppets. Anthony says that the show is really pulling out the talent from their toenails. I think I know what he means. Miss Piggy will judge the runway show! Michael says that he is so excited to design for her and she's a dream client. Well, that's just ridiculous. No one loves Miss Piggy like I do, but how would you even conceive to dream about designing for her. Whatever, I'm just being grumpy. They're only getting a day for the challenge.

Back at the workroom, everyone gets to work sketching. Mila says that knowing that luminaries such as Marc Jacobs and Burberry have designed specifically for Miss Piggy makes her feel that she shouldn't make anything too "silly" because they wouldn't do that. She's going to make a 60's mod look. Kenley says that she loves Miss Piggy. She grew up watching the movies and TV stuff and she reminds her of herself. That's not too far off, actually. There have been moments where I felt like Kenley's move would most certainly be a vocalized karate chop. April says that Piggy has a lot of va-va-voom. Michael says that his 7-year-old loves Muppets Babies. I do too. Has there been a DVD release of that amazing cartoon yet? My cousins and I were obsessed with it, because we had good taste.

The designers head to Mood and Austin says that, while every designer does it differently, he usually knows what he's looking for when they get there. He's thinking a pink bow moment. Gordana is feeling the pink too. Austin says that he feels like everyone is having a lot of fun with this challenge.

Gordana says that, while it seems the other designers are making structured looks, she wants to make something free-flowing and feminine. Those are traits she associates with Miss Piggy. Now, she's feminine, but free-flowing and youthful? Not so much. Mondo thinks that her dress is lovely, but that it's not the right design for this challenge. She's not making enough of a statement.

By Jeff Long | Season AS1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2012.01.19

Mila tells us that she's competitive. She wants the grand prize. Rami says that the mood in the workroom is getting really quiet and intense. We see a moment where April is mulling over shoes on the accessories wall. Kara and Mondo apparently have a bit of a standoff over some pink gloves. She's at the wall holding them but he apparently has some sort of claim on them as well. To me, logic would dictate that, if you wanted an item from the wall, you would remove the item thus eliminating any opportunity for confusion over who had dibs on a certain item. But, maybe they have special rules. Maybe they have to be left on the wall to be filmed or something. That said, some PA should keep like a clipboard of what people are claiming. Mondo interviews that he didn't want to fight over the gloves, so he just tells her to use them. But, he says that he's pissed off. Drams.

Austin says that he can't wait to meet Miss Piggy. Joe R thinks that the designers need to be reminded that Miss Piggy is not actually a real person and to that I say someone would have to be crazy to confuse a pig and a person. She's a pig. We get it. Mila says that she loves The Muppets, but is worried about being able to project her aesthetic onto this challenge. Kara tells Rami that she wants to show some skin and make a sexy Miss Piggy dress. I don't remember her being quite so coy and silly in her season. Am I just forgetting something? I find her sort of daffy and obnoxious now. Rami says that he wants to make something flirty and fun and Michael interviews that it looks like Rami has achieved those goals but also made something really safe.

Anthony has a problem with his zipper and Gordana tells him that he was supposed to fold some fabric before he applied the zipper. He jokes that they're past that point, so what should he do now? She drily replies that he's S.O.L. "Damn!" Anthony interviews that he's making something ladylike, because, as he says, being a lady never goes out of style. April is like tunnel-vision lady now. She's not talking to anyone, even though Jerell approaches her and says that she'll have to talk to him since they're neighbors. She says that she's just focused on making an impeccable garment.

| Season AS1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.19.2012

Joanna arrives and says that she thinks that this is one of the best challenges in Project Runway history. Mondo says that he really appreciates her input because she has knowledge and taste of an expert. She starts with Gordana, who describes her dress as lovely and gentle. Joanna says that she's getting a nightgown feeling from the dress. She tells Gordana that, when you are dressing a mega-celebrity of Miss Piggy's wattage, you needn't think too much about comfort, because bitch will do what she needs to do to fit in the thing. Mila describes her look for Joanna, which includes a headband. Joanna reminds her that Miss Piggy has 2 large ears, she doesn't want the pig to be unable to hear. Austin interviews that Mila's aesthetic is so severe that he's worried she won't be able to bring the humor and whimsy needed to succeed in this challenge.

Joanna tells Kenley that she and Miss Piggy should be a perfect match, what with both of them being such girly girls. So, Kenley is using a pink and white giraffe print and Joanna asks Kenley how she thinks Piggy would feel about wearing giraffe. She laughs and then remembers that Miss Piggy wears a lot of leopard print.

, she moves on to Austin. You know, Austin is always kind of fabulous and eye-catching, but there's something about sort of subdued about his look today that just seems sort of... handsome. Dashing, even. I don't know why it is so surprising. I guess it's because he so often looks sort of alien. He feels like he and Miss Piggy are kindred spirits. Joanna wonders if his dress might look like gift-wrapping and he says that it's a possibility, though not inappropriate.

Mondo is making something '60s-inspired, because that's when he imagines that Miss Piggy was born and he wanted to give her something from her childhood since she brought so much to his. Wow, what a freaking complicated way to justify using some wacky '60s colors. Joanna tells him to stay focused because there is a lot of competition in the room.

She wishes all of them well and tells them to not let Miss Piggy down. Does Joanna smile or laugh ever? Seriously, I don't recall ever seeing her smile. It's not a huge deal, she's entitled to whatever demeanor she wants, but it's a little odd, right? She just talked about Miss Piggy a lot and never smiled.

With one hour remaining, the models come in for a fitting. Mila finds that her sleeve is off and wonders if she has enough time to correct it. Anthony interviews that Michael's dress is amateurish and looks like a princess seam dress with some bubbles on the boob. Gordana says that she's going ahead with her original idea and feels confident with it. Michael thinks that you could find her dress in any department store. Mondo doesn't like the way his dress looks and knows that he has a lot of work to do the day. Kenley and Kara keep consulting each other and it's really bothering Mila. She thinks they are codependent and don't realize that this is not a group prize that we're looking to win here.

| Season AS1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.19.2012

That night, they're all laughing and having a good time at the Flatotel. Rami interviews that the stress and exhaustion provides some moments of laughter. Anthony recalls something that he heard Oprah say -- when you've done all you can do, you can only surrender. That's what he's going to do. Kara likes laughing with everyone too.

The morning, Rami is nervous because everyone's designs look really unique. Austin still has a lot of work to finish and is feeling stressed. Michael says that thinks Austin might get eliminated. Anthony jokes that he thought about having some bacon for breakfast. So, more accessory drama. Kara needs to put her damn name on the stuff. She takes Austin's shoes because she says that she's already shown Joanna the shoes as part of her story. April, getting nasty, says that Kenley's dress is just like her other dresses.

It's hair and make-up time and there's hot make-up daddy. I love him more and more with each lined eye. Everyone's psyched about meeting Miss Piggy. Kara thinks her daughter is going to be especially excited.

Angela greets the designers on the runway. She introduces Georgina, stylist Eric Daman (there for Isaac) and Miss Piggy, international superstar. Michael's dress is first and it truly is a simple dress with bubbles on the boobs. The fabric looks like wrapping paper. I don't know how he's talking about anyone else's dress not being original, except for the fact that no one would have the poor taste to use that weird fabric.

April's dress is and it's really interesting. It's a little black number with some feathers at the shoulders. It's high-waisted with a little triangle of gray and black polka dots at the bust. April thinks it has a Tim Burton feel and I don't know that I disagree.

Jerell's dress is and it has that same sheer saggy-bosomed thing that he is so partial to. There's always a flapper-loose silhouette to the waist, but I really hate the saggy neckline.

Here's Kara's dress, and by golly, she's got the gloves she wants. It almost looks like a cocktail dress version of a 1940s swimsuit, with a cut-out over the stomach. It's cute.

Kenley made a cute pink dress, per uzh. She also made a dramatic pink mesh hat.

Anthony's dress is fairly boring, but with lots of feathers in front.

Here's Rami's dress and it's great. White with red and orange polka dots, flared skirt, ruffled neckline. Very feminine.

Mila's dress is . It's a mod black and white number that doesn't have any of the whimsy that Miss Piggy would sport.

| Season AS1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 01.19.2012

Gordana's look is and it's really quite pretty. A flowing pink dres that ends above the knee. Problem is -- it just has no drama at all. She's happy with the dress though and she's right about the fact that it's youthful and lovely -- just not for the Pig.

Austin is and he made a gunmetal and fuschia dress with bows on the hips. It's ribbed in a sort of '90s Gauthier way that's fun and vampy. Austin says that he made the dress he was shooting to make, but he's not sure what the judges think. He says that sometimes they scribble more than at other times, but he can't tell if it's good or bad scribbling. That's the way I feel about my therapist. We see Miss Piggy peek at Eric's notes, but he pulls them away in horror. How rude.

And, here's Mondo's dress. It's a really fantastic print, which he does so well; but the dress is kind of stupid. It's just this short thing that has an Asian influence in the bodice and the bottom is this weird (and I swear this is what I thought of and I'm not just shamelessly repeating Michael Kors) Li'l Abner quality. And, the girl is carrying a bag with a chain strap and it makes her walk really stiffly. Mondo feels that he's a shoo-in for the top three.

Austin, Rami, Gordana, Kenley, Mila and Michael are called forward. They are the good guys. Sorry Mondo.

They start with Austin. Georgina doesn't like the colors. She doesn't think they're happy. Eric thinks that the bows on the hips wouldn't be flattering and Piggy side-eyes him in such a perfect way. Can I just say that the magic of the Muppets is still totally real for me and I do NOT understand how they are manipulated to be so spot-on expressively comic all of the time? Angela isn't into it either. Miss Piggy wonders if you would be able to hula hoop in the dress and Austin argues that the bows would hold the hoop up!

Georgina thinks that Rami really "went for it" and had a lot of fun, though she does take issue with the seams in the front. Eric thinks it's classic "Parisian Hog Couture" and Piggy thinks that's a dig. He's really not on her good side. Piggy thinks it's garish and outlandish and... she loves it. It looks like a candy store exploded.

Angela thinks that Gordana's dress is too quiet. Piggy doesn't know if it's "moi."

And, looks like I was totally off on this one: They love Michael's dress. Piggy likes the fact that it looks like wrapping paper. It's means that she looks like a gift. They don't like the fact that Mila's dress is black. Piggy says that it doesn't scream "Miss Piggy." It whispers it. That bitch is ON. Georgina likes Kenley's dress, but wonders if the top is uncomfortable because it looks taped down. Piggy loves the hat and says that she could use it to scrub her pots and pans at the end of the night. Even Kenley's model laughs at that one!

By Jeff Long | Season AS1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2012.01.19

Austin, Rami, Gordana, Kenley, Mila and Michael are called forward. They are the good guys. Sorry Mondo.

Angela thinks that Gordana's dress is too quiet. Piggy doesn't know if it's "moi."

By Jeff Long | Season AS1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 2012.01.19

The judges confer. Angela thinks that Austin's dress was flamboyant, but not classy. Eric thinks that the bows were unfortunate. Piggy thought that Mila's dress was retro (good) and goth (bad). Angela says that she was like to see Piggy in a goth dress, but she's reserving that for Halloween. Piggy wondered where the rest of Gordana's dress was. She thought something was missing. In regards to Kenley's dress, she says that she has never worn giraffe before and is not sure what message it sends. A leopard is fierce, but what is a giraffe? They think that Rami's dress is attention-grabbing. Eric thinks that it will look like she's having a good time while she's wearing it. Georgina thinks that a million girls will love Michael's dress? Eric wonders if the hat that was with the dress would accentuate her ears in the right way. She asks him to move closer... then, karate chops him! I love it!!!

The designers return to the stage. Kenley is safe. Piggy declares the winner to be... Michael! I was really off with this one. He goes backstage and jumps up and down and Kenley congratulates him and hugs him. OK. So, Kenley doesn't seem like such a horrible person anymore. She has been oddly generous with people, from what I can see. We could chalk it up to life experience, but I also wonder if it's maybe because Tim Gunn isn't around. She just seems so much less defensive without him there. Rami is safe too.

It's down to Mila and Gordana. Angela says that Gordana's dress is just pretty. She says that Mila should have celebrated her client a little more and not just her own design aesthetic. Mila is...safe. Gordana is out. Gordana thanks them for the opportunity. Miss Piggy tells her that she really is an all-star and she should remember that. She interviews that she would like to let women of a certain age, who have put their dreams aside to raise their families, know that it's never too late to pursue your dreams, whatever they may be. Well, that's certainly admirable. Gordana's a sweetheart.

Jeff Long is a writer/performer in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com and followed on Twitter at @jblong.