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Oh, this show! The opening -- which has Team Scylla getting the drop on General Von Baldy and his goons in a total "Gotcha!" trap -- is so exquisitely set up, it had me squealing "Awesome!" the minute Mahone whipped out a gun. And then it got even better when Michael informed General Von Baldy that he had, in fact, walked into Michael's trap. The general is a little nonplussed that Michael managed to get everyone else's cards (he knows not how) and Michael waltzes out with Scylla in his battered backpack.
Then Team Scylla camps out in General Von Baldy's office. He tempts them with offers of what they desire most in the world, but nobody's budging. General Von Baldy's like, "We're about to end this charade, and my goons will kill you all," except then Dr. Sara calls with the news that she's kidnapped Lisa Tabak. And -- get this! -- Lisa is General Von Baldy's daughter. No wonder she and Gretchen don't like each other! Anyway, General Von Baldy is all outraged that Team Scylla would dare to go after his loved ones, which is rich considering he's in a room with one guy whose kid he ordered killed, one guy whom he set up for murder, and that guy's brother.
Meanwhile, White and his hail-fellow-well-met barging in on "Cole Pfeiffer" ends badly. White notices the giant guns "Cole" has stashed under his desk, and that prompts Gretchen to take the entire office hostage. Trisha (who managed to escape from House of Feng more or less unscathed, more on that below) comes back from the office to this scene, attempts a rescue of her coworkers. However, Mr. White blows the rescue, carnage ensues, and Gretchen and T-Bag get away.
No sooner are they out of the building than Gretchen attempts to take out T-Bag. Since he has the best luck of anyone on this show, an in-hot-pursuit Trisha inadvertently saves him, then collars him. The two have a very moving scene in a car (once again, Robert Knepper makes this material better than it deserves to be), and then Don Self comes by and -- SHOCKER! -- he kills her and we learn that he's decided to go massively off the reservation. Self is now out there and planning to sell Scylla to the highest bidder.
I give Self props for pulling one over on everyone, but have to question his long-term thinking: he's just pissed off the four people in America who have a proven track record of kicking ass and taking names. Oooh, I can't wait to see what happens !
Want more? The full recap starts right below!This episode begins where the other one ends -- with Michael hanging out by the Scylla obelisk, just sort of checking it out all nice and slow. We cut to General Von Baldy and some of his security goons heading down to the Scylla chamber, which only makes me jumpy, so of course, Michael decides it's time to slow down and count each individual vent in the sides of the Scylla, or whatever. Aigh! Tension at the one-minute mark can't be good for anyone's resting heart rate.
Then the show cackles evilly and switches away before we see what happens ! We cut to GATE, where Gretchen and T-Bag are coiled with expectation, ready and waiting to kill Team Scylla and take the booty over to Fang. T-Bag asks if maybe they shouldn't be waiting closer to the Scylla chamber, and Gretchen condescends to tell him, "If you knew anything about tactics, you'd know that this is the high ground. Besides, we have silencers." I'm thinking that T-Bag actually knows plenty about tactics, given how well he's managed for himself in the past few seasons, but what do I know? I'm no flawlessly-lipsticked mercenary. Then again, if I were, I wouldn't leave my silencer-equipped guns casually resting below my desk.
We flash back to Michael wearily concluding that Scylla is not one card but six, then in the present, he pokes around one of the slots in the Scylla monolith. In the elevator, General Von Baldy directs his little henchmen to make sure Michael's not wired for explosives, then to kill him. We cut to Michael, and hear the ding of an elevator the same time he does, and then ...
And then it gets AWESOME because it turns out that Michael was dilly-dallying for a reason! And that reason was because he had planned for General Von Baldy to come down all along, and the minute the general and his goons are down, the other members of Team Scylla have guns to everyone's heads (note: this is when I actually cheered), and Linc cuddles up to General Von Baldy with his piece and orders, "Drop 'em. Or I blow his head clean off." We cut to Mahone, who is giving his designated goon a look that'll probably cause the goon to drop both his gun and the contents of his lower intestine. When the goon fails to respond, Mahone aims at Scylla and says, "You're going to want to put that down." Von Baldy sighs, "Lower your weapons." The goons do; Sucre restrains them. Linc walks Von Baldy over to Scylla. Because Von Baldy is still in denial over Team Scylla's chops, he drawls, "The best minds in the world designed the security system and you almost beat it. The frustration must be killing you. You blew it." Michael comes over and says, "Actually, there's only one missing piece of the puzzle and you just brought it to me." The general's all, "Come again what?" and Michael demands the general's Scylla card. Linc leans forward with his gun, and the general dismisses him with an eyeroll before sighing and handing over the card.
A semi-smirking Michael walks back over to the monolith and General Von Baldy tries with, "Not what you expected." "What I expected of a man like you is a system where you've got all the advantage," Michael says. He slides in the card. We see five more slots open up, and the General raises his eyebrows before innocently remarking, "Looks like you're a few cards short." Michael silently reaches into his backpack and pulls out five more data cards. As he lays each on the table with a click, you can practically hear the subtext: "[Click] F*** you, Baldy. [Click] Also, f*** you. [Click] Have I cordially invited you to go f*** yourself? [Click] I have two words for you: F*** and you. [Click] Finally, let me be the first to say: F*** you." We cut to the general, who has received the message loud and clear. Sucre leans in to deliver le mot juste: "Suck it, general." Never have I loved Sucre more than in that moment. I hope Michael appreciates him. He better.
Meanwhile, things are not going well for Don Self, what with Trisha being all weepy and telling him he's the worst partner ever. Fortunately, her lack of sangfroid in the face of adversity gives him enough noise to cover for him sliding out the handcuff key he had hidden -- wait. Don Self is now a master of strategery? Either this is a blip in his characterization or he's deliberately been playing the bumbling fed. I don't know what to think, especially when Don quickly escapes from his handcuffs, disarms a tubby henchthug, uses him as a human shield against two more of Fang's underlings (Um, ewwwwwww), and then manages to kill everyone not named Fang before freeing Trisha. I wonder if she feels bad about calling him the "worst partner ever" now. She scampers off, and Don hollers, "Hey! Don't!" as he and Fang come face-to-face, each of them wielding a gun. Don and Fang both fire, but it turns out that Trisha found a gun and she shot Fang from behind. Don is p-i-s-s-e-d, and Trisha explains, "He was going to kill you." Don sends her off to deal with Gretchen and T-Bag ALONE, because he "has to take care of this." By "take care of this," does he mean "call his boss and explain there are five dead Asian mobsters in a tract home"? Is that even common enough for there to be a protocol for that?
Oh, lord, here comes White into T-Bag's office all hail-fellow-well-met and scamming for an intro to Gretchen. Things go downhill from there as Gretchen and T-Bag prove stunningly ineffective at concocting a plausible cover story for how they happen to know one another, and White's skepticism only grows by leaps and bounds when he happens to notice the big submachine guns resting under "Cole's" desk. White quickly says, "It was wonderful to meet you -- I have to go jump on a conference call," and beats a hasty retreat. The minute he leaves, Gretchen says, "He knows." T-Bag does not like where this is headed. As Susan grabs one of the guns, his sense of frozen dread is replaced with something a little more sick, and he pleads, "No, no. no." As Gretchen strides into the main office and scares the hell out of everyone by showing them her big gun, we cut to T-Bag looking sorrowful. He's saying goodbye to Cole, goodbye to legitimacy, and goodbye to what he honestly thought was a clean slate. Robert Knepper is darn good at his job, because he manages to convey all this in three seconds (I counted), and then T-Bag turns and grabs his own gun. He herds everyone into Mr. White's office with a heart-rending blend of courtesy and urgency, leaving the cold brutality of the hostage-taking situation to Gretchen. As he kicks the locks on the front door shut, T-Bag looks at Gretchen with a mix of exasperation and fury and screams, "Now what?"
Michael feeds his five cards into the obelisk's slots, and General Von Baldy asks slowly, "How did you get all five cards?" Michael looks up to grin, "The frustration must be killing you." I love when the writers let Michael be a bit of a smartass. More mouthy Scofield, please. The general sort of gapes as the monolith pops open and gives up Scylla. Michael explains to Sucre, "The cards were keys. And this [external disk drive-looking thing], this is Scylla." The music swells dramatically, the general glowers, Sucre grins delightedly, and Linc deadpans, "Guess right now you were wishing you framed someone else, huh, general?" HAAAA. Okay, both Aldo Burrows' kids are smartasses. Let's see more of that! Then Team Scylla decides that they're going to take an elevator ride with the General (kind of necessary since it's activated by retinal scan).
After a shot of the One World Conspiracy HQ from the outside (it's shiny -- shiny enough to reflect scrutiny of the black deeds planned therein), we go to the elevator leading into Von Baldy's office. Although Von Baldy is surrounded by four pissed-off, gun-wielding men, he still manages to sound bored and irritated when he tells a minor henchman, "Put away the gun; everything's under control." Everyone heads into General Von Baldy's office, and Mahone closes the door against the henchman.
Michael quickly calls Dr. Sara and tells her, "We got it." There's a little more blah-blah-blah, but I'm now totally distracted by his shiny new backpack, because it is so not the one he was using in the last episode. What happened? We'll never know. Michael sits down at General Von Baldy's desk, and he rolls his eyes a little at such brazen effrontery. Michael then monkeys with Scylla a little, just seeing what happens when he lifts a flap or slides back a door, then he takes a pen from Von Baldy's desk set and begins writing a list. Mahone decides to break the awkward silence with "Is that the desk you sat at when you told Wyatt to kill my son?" Von Baldy rolls his eyes, but before he can answer, Michael says calmly, "Don't worry, Alex. He won't be giving any more orders after today." Then Michael resumes writing. General Von Baldy starts in with the "You'll never get away, you know" speech, but Michael keeps on writing, and Sucre helps himself to a drink at the wet bar in the back of the office. We then get a shot of the One World Conspiracy HQ going into total lockdown, with goons swarming as angrily as bees.
Then we go to another chaotic office scene: T-Bag waving his machine gun around the terrified hostages at GATE. Trisha sees this, and sneaks over to unlock the office and crawl inside. She shushes the one employee who sees her. T-Bag and Gretchen continue intimidating the hostages, and T-Bag leans in to comment, "There's no way this is going to end well. We should get out of here." Gretchen asks, "Don't you think it's worth it to wait ten minutes for $125 million? Suck it up." T-Bag is left wearing the same expression we used to see on Whistler's face: The things I do to keep my cool around this woman.
Meanwhile, a lead goon is busy coordinating security efforts at One World Conspiracy HQ. A little late on that, aren't you, buddy? Inside the office, Linc holds up Scylla and comments, "All that design just to hold some names and reports." General Von Baldy says, "Names and reports? Is that information from the government, or your father?" Linc warns him, "Careful ..." General Von Baldy directs Linc's attention to the top right-hand drawer, where he just happens to have a candid snap of himself standing to Aldo Burrows. "I pulled it when your names came up," he says. We flash back to season one, where Aldo explained why he checked out on his family, and in the present, Von Baldy explains, "I knew your father since before you were born. You do know he worked for [the One World Conspiracy]." Linc sighs that Aldo was a data analyst -- hands up, all of you who suspect that Linc has no bloomin' clue what a data analyst does -- and General Von Baldy messes with Lincoln's mind by harrumphing about how Aldo was probably lying to his kids. We see Michael rolling his eyes over this, and Lincoln is doing a good job at remaining impassive until General Von Baldy says, "There's so much you don't know about [the One World Conspiracy], about Scylla, about your dad, about your mother." Nobody talks about Lincoln's mom and gets away with it! Mahone steps in, and everyone goes back to glaring at one another.
We cut to Don Self's office. He's pacing around and checking his watch, so naturally, his skeptical boss picks that very moment to come in for a status report. Don Self stalls with, "I promise you, Herb, you'll be the first to know. And as soon as I hear, I'm taking an unmarked car to the pickup location and then I'm going to --" "No, you go directly to Senator Dallow's office. I'll have the attorney general standing by," Herb says. Hands up, all you who think Senator Dallow and Herb are in the pockets of the One World Conspiracy. Don Self queasily smiles, then comments that they're almost at the finish line. Herb replies, "I know. I never thought you'd make it this far. I was wrong." Herb, there are right ways and wrong ways to motivate people. Guess which way you're using?
Outside Von Baldy's office, the Lead Goon is ordering a phalanx of Undergoons to surround the closed office doors, because they'll need to be prepared to go in on Von Baldy's say-so. They'll be waiting a while -- Von Baldy's reclining on the couch with a lordly air and Michael's too busy having a headache to bust his chops on anything. Scofield's grunting and clutching at his head is not lost on anyone in the room, so the minute it stops, Von Baldy asks, "What is it you all want?" Nobody volunteers an answer. Von Baldy continues, "Fernando, just say the word and your little girl's college education is paid for. We'll buy her a house to grow up in." Mahone asks derisively, "You think you can just throw some cash at us, huh? Forget everything, call it a day?" General Von Baldy replies, "Pam needs you now, Alex. Now, more than ever. You're both still hurting, but given time, it'll pass. And maybe, someday, you'll be ready to be parents again, and if money is no object --" Mahone shuts off the stream of temptation: "The desperation in your voice? You hear it?" I don't, but perhaps I'm not finely attuned to the nuances of evil. I can only appreciate the fine job that Leon Russum has done as General Von Baldy, because that patient, precise and paternal delivery is what makes him so chilling. The people running this show wouldn't know internal logic if the phrase were tattooed on their torso, but they've got sterling instincts for casting. Anyway, Mahone tells the general to get thee behind him, and it's quietly wrenching to watch Mahone struggle to reject the fruit of a poisoned tree. General Von Baldy tells the room, "Whatever you want, I can provide." Michael finally speaks: "What I want is to see the [One World Conspiracy] burned to the ground, and you in prison. It's what we all want." General Von Baldy says with calm self-assurance, "That'll never happen." Michael gives him the Blue Steel, but the pain has left him weak, so it's more like the Watery Aqua Aluminum. Not nearly so potent.
We cut to a swanky restaurant where Lisa Tabak is smiling beguilingly at her lunchtime companions. That goes away in a hurry when a waiter drops a bowl of soup in her lap. And she's not one to take it in stride when the clam chowder soaks into her St. John's skirt, so after sniping at the waiter for dabbing at the mess, Lisa huffs off to the bathroom to try and wring out some of the offending entree. Then her day gets worse, because in addition to the cream-based soup staining the skirt, Lisa's now dealing with a towel stuffed in her souphole and a gun to her head, courtesy of Dr. Sara. I honestly don't know which
Lisa is more surprised about -- the make-believe one on screen or the real-life one writing this recap. Because honestly, this is pretty hard-core for Dr. Sara.
Back at the One World Conspiracy HQ, Lead Goon is ordering a few of his undergoons to ready the battering ram and break into General Von Baldy's office. Inside, the general is all, "Look, we all know this is going to end badly for all of you, so just drop the charade that you know what you're doing, and let me go. I promise not to kill you until you get to the lobby." Michael stares impassively. General Von Baldy heads toward the door and Lincoln trains his pistol on him and asks where he might be headed. "You shoot me, and then what? You jump out the window of my 19th-floor office?" General Von Baldy asks incredulously. He turns to what he perceives to be the brains of the operation and says, "Michael, you kill me and you lose your leverage." As if on cue, Michael's phone rings. Surprise! It's more leverage. Lisa speaks: "I'm at gunpoint ... it's Tancredi. She says if you don't let Michael and the others leave with Scylla, she'll kill me." We cut to the general looking nonplussed. Michael smirks slightly. Then Lisa adds, "Dad ... please. Do what they want." HA! No wonder she hates Gretchen! It's not just an alpha-female thing, it's a "Why must you make my father look like a priapic vulgarian?" thing! Anyway, General Von Baldy is swayed by use of the paternal nomenclature. Michael gleefully pours salt in the wound with, "I suggest you take your daughter's advice, general." General Von Baldy snarls, "You son of a bitch!" and when Michael considers the rich irony of Von Baldy directing his outrage at someone who put his entire life on the line to save his brother from the One World Conspiracy -- well, he smiles a little more perceptibly.
Then he clicks the phone shut, which sends Von Baldy into a towering snit. Michael says coolly, "You can talk to your daughter after we've left with Scylla." Von Baldy gives Michael an outraged, impotent look. (Again, props to Leon Russum because he plays the guy's unraveling with total finesse.) He tries with "I read enough intel on your girlfriend to know she wouldn't hurt a fly." Did he read the briefing that explained what happened to Agent Kim? Because I'm thinking if you questioned him (via Ouija board, of course), he'd beg to differ. Michael says, "Maybe three months ago. She's changed. We've all changed." Then he holds up the list he'd been writing; we see that it's a list of everyone General Von Baldy's killed. Presumably it only covers the last three months, because I refuse to believe that one ascends to the top of the One World Conspiracy on the first-do-no-harm platform. Michael asks, "Fathers, sons, friends ... do you really think your daughter's life is worth any more than theirs?" To his detriment, Von Baldy does not immediately answer yes. Oh, that'll make for an awkward family reunion later. Michael explains, "One of two things is going to happen now: you're going to let us go, or Lisa will die. Either one is fine with me." The general resumes his usual calm voice and asks, "Just don't hurt her." In equally measured tones, Michael replies, "Just hold up your end of the deal, and we won't." Linc moves in then and requests, "You ordered Scylla to be moved. Show us how." Keeping Michael fixed with a death glare, Von Baldy announces he's walking everyone down and heads out the office. Team Scylla strolls out the door.
Meanwhile, T-Bag is losing his cool. He figures Team Scylla found another way out, a hypothesis Gretchen dismisses as "impossible." Clearly, her brief working relationship with Michael has not schooled her on his uncanny aptitude for pulling off the impossible. T-Bag shouts, "How much longer are we going to wait?" and when Gretchen rips into him, Trisha takes advantage of the squabbling to sneak over to where the GATE employees are all being held. Of course she's in a camisole, miniskirt and heels whilst doing so. She comes in, shushing everyone and brandishing her badge, then unties everyone. This turns out to be a strategic mistake, because she unties White and he decides that when it comes to escaping from an office held hostage by two gun-wielding maniacs, he'd rather trust his own instincts than the advice of the federal agent who has managed to thus far elude said gun-wielding maniacs. So Trisha's plan to sneak people out in dribs and drabs is torpedoed by White's desperate make-a-break-for-it sprint. This, of course, prompts a hail of gunfire from Gretchen and T-Bag, White is riddled with bullets, and the entire office degenerates into chaos and carnage. (And let me tell you something: recapping fictional violence mere days after the horrific carnage in Mumbai is beyond surreal. If anyone ever needs to underline the difference between violent entertainment and real life, try this exercise.)
Back to Team Scylla: they've decided to twist the knife a little as they walk out with Von Baldy. Mahone asks, "How does it feel, huh? Doing something you don't want to do, knowing that if you don't go through with it, someone you care about's going to suffer." Sucre adds something in Spanish -- alas, he speaks too quickly for me to understand and the closed captioning is useless. Oh, wait -- perhaps his added "What goes around, comes around" is meant as translation. Von Baldy's got a 5000-yard stare; he's plainly trying to think ahead as to how to come out on top in this situation.
Lisa is trying to infect Dr. Sara with a quick and convenient case of compassion. Her vector of transmission: giant moist eyes and talk-show-delivery of lines like "I can't imagine what you've been through." Dr. Sara, however, has had a comprehensive set of vaccinations against mendacity and continues with binding Lisa's hands and keeping the gun trained on her. Lisa tries, "You used to be a doctor. You devoted your whole life to helping people. Now look at you: they have you holding your gun on an innocent woman." Dr. Sara dryly asks, "You're just crunching numbers and running data to make the world a better place?" Lisa's all "I ... have no reply to that." She is then forced to lie to her security detail about why she's tarrying in the bathroom, calling out, "I'm soaking my skirt. If I don't get the grease out before it gets to the cleaners, it'll be ruined." The guard looks at the restroom door with a look of baffled terror -- clearly, both expensive clothing and dry cleaning frighten and confuse him -- and backs away slowly. Dr. Sara keeps her gun nestled beneath Lisa's chin and says, "I don't know what it looks like up in your ivory tower. But down on the ground, men and women are dying and lives are being ruined. So I'm prepared to do absolutely anything in order to stop you people." She then orders Lisa to turn around. The teary woman prepares for her death ...
Zip! We're over at the parking garage beneath GATE headquarters and T-Bag is letting loose with the recriminations. It is sort of touching, in a pity-the-human-condition kind of way, that he is so upset over the "Cole Pfeiffer" ruse being blown. I applaud the writers for giving T-Bag the plausible new motivation of a yearning for legitimacy; yanking away his shot to enter polite society was a brilliant move. Anyway, Gretchen's never enjoyed being second-guessed by anyone, and she expresses her pique by pulling a gun on him. T-Bag sighs and says, "You can't be serious." Gretchen says, "They can identify you, Cole. You're the only one linking me to that crime scene. But hey -- it was nice working with you." So ... is now the wrong time to bring up how I love the way Gretchen's bright red nails and bright red lipstick go together? I'm telling you, if she ever decides to ditch the semi-competent mercenary line of work, she'd make an excellent Hollywood stylist. I tremble in rapture imagining what ruthless terrors she'd inflict on sundry starlets. ANYWAY -- before Gretchen can pull the trigger, Trisha comes speeding around the corner in a giant sedan. Gretchen makes the tactical error of shooting at the car first instead of shooting T-Bag first and then going for the car. And this is how T-Bag ends up running straight into the sheltering arms of the feds and Gretchen ends up on the run, without Scylla. Trisha cuffs him none too gently and introduces herself as "Special Agent Miriam Holtz." Eh, she'll always be dishy Trisha to me.
In another parking garage, General Von Baldy's under the misimpression that he can dictate the terms to the people holding his daughter hostage. He wants confirmation she's being released. Michael replies, "Sara will be keeping your daughter in custody until she knows we're safely away from this place with nobody trailing us." General Von Baldy rolls his eyes a little at that, then tries another "You can't strike me down, because I will only rise up stronger"-type speech by pointing out that the One World Conspiracy has its poisonous little tentacles in every branch of law enforcement in the U.S., hospitals and the DMV, so "you'll never see us coming." Michael replies, "Actually, once we get Scylla into the right hands, all your agents, all your operations -- it'll all be out in the open. And then everyone will see you coming." Von Baldy rolls his eyes at that too, which is all the excuse Lincoln needs to slam him into the side of an armored truck and keep him immobilized via a chin pinch. "We did this to you. Don't you forget that, old man," he says, just in case General Von Baldy was already prepping his "This ... was clearly a mass hallucination so let us never speak of it again" speech. Von Baldy is so irritated at being called "old," he loses his cool and begins smack-talking Aldo Burrows, alleging that the late papa of prison breakers was not, as previously claimed, a data analyst but was, in fact, an executioner a la Agent Blots Out the Sun. Why either Michael or Linc bother to listen to a word that comes out of that man's mouth is a private mystery to me. I already dread the inevitable "We never knew our father!" hooha in an upcoming episode. So you didn't know him! Short of breaking Jennifer Love Hewitt out of CBS so she can whisper sweet nothings to the unquiet shade of Aldo Burrows now, there's not a damn thing you can do, so let it go.
Back at the schwanky restaurant, the security detail finally decides now that they've finished eating, they should maybe see why Lisa's taking so long in the bathroom. The answer: she's been tied up and locked in a stall. And now she's not -- but Dr. Sara is already done, after leaving a hefty tip for the waiter who spilled the soup all over Lisa in the first place. Lisa calls her dad to confirm that she's okay. Von Baldy's feeling a little overprotective, so he orders Lisa to a secure location. Then he makes his displeasure known to his Lead Goon by shouting, "We lost our tactical initiative the minute that Scofield figured out our SOPs. If we want to defeat him, we've got to alter our way of operating -- become unpredictable!" Cut to the minions' panicky expressions. I'm thinking they all signed on for the minion gig because it's so comfortingly predictable: go to work, get dispatched to some poor unfortunate's home or office, loom menacingly, kill someone, clock out. If they had wanted "unpredictable, yet evil," they would have worked in another field, like banking.
The guys drive off with Scylla. It is absolutely silent in the car. It figures -- everyone who would jibber from nerves already died in episodes. Then, Michael calls Don Self to share the news that they've got Scylla. Don is appropriately pleased, and gets to put on a show of relief for his skeptical boss.
Team Scylla and their giant armored truck continue on their way, trailed by a few of the One World Conspiracy's sedans. They eventually get out at an airport. Michael hops out of the passenger side holding a different, newer backpack than the one he took into the Scylla chamber. The team then splits up -- Michael and Linc inside, Sucre and Mahone off to "someplace safe," where they will presumably wait until they hear from Michael. Sucre bids Michael, "Good luck, Papi." Awww! Inside a sedan, a stooge calls General Von Baldy to tell him that everyone headed inside the airport. "Make sure a single plane doesn't take off," Von Baldy orders. It's so gratifying to have confirmation that the One World Conspiracy is responsible for all evil in the world including airport delays. Anyway, General Von Baldy is under the misimpression that his stooges will be able to corner and kill Team Scylla inside Ontario Airport. Someone needs to show General Von Baldy who's in the opening credits on this show; he'd have a better idea how all his plans are likely to end.
Inside the airport, Michael and Linc notice all the flights suddenly flashing "Delayed" signs. Then they notice the four close-shaven goons bearing down on them; it would be hard not to, as the goons are making no attempt whatsoever to be subtle. Michael and Linc continue walking, and we see that Michael has texted Mahone with the word "Now." We cut to Mahone and Sucre, who are somewhere outside the airport's main terminal, and Mahone dials 911 with "My name's John Burton. I'm an off-duty cop with Chicago. Listen, I'm walking through Ontario airport, terminal two, right by the ticket counters, and I just saw something you guys are going to definitely want to check out."
Back inside, the goons have surrounded Michael at the ticket counter. One of them says smugly, "Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows." Linc makes as if to leave, and the lead goon tells them that wouldn't be a good idea. "Why is that? You gonna shoot us?" Linc asks. As a matter of fact, Lead Goon is planning to do that. "In front of all these people? You'd never risk that kind of exposure," Michael says. "I think it's clear by now you've miscalculated how far we're willing to go," the goon says. So Michael reluctantly hands over the bag on the goon's say-so.
Michael then says, "Tell [Von Baldy] this isn't finished." "Oh, you can tell him yourself," the goon says unctuously, but before he can explain how he's planning to engineer a meeting between Von Baldy and Michael, he is surrounded by a dozen uniformed soldiers. The platoon sergeant explains that the goon will be coming with them as a security precaution. Michael and Linc take advantage of the many swarming soldiers to slip out of the sight of Lead Goon and his three undergoons. The soldiers then take Lead Goon into a back room and tell him to empty out the bag. "All I've got in there is a laptop and an external hard drive. I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy," Lead Goon says. The soldier pulls out a MacBook and ... a book. Cut to Lead Guy losing his cool and lunging for the bag, which ticks off the soldier. Reluctantly, Lead Goon steps back and lets the other man finish searching. He picks up the book, which is titled All's Well That Ends Well. Oh, that Team Scylla with their puckish humor! I am curious, however, if Michael sent Dr. Sara out to Barnes & Noble to buy the book or if they just happened to have a volume of Shakespeare's comedies on hand.
Cut to Mahone fielding a call from Self demanding, "Well?" Yeah -- they've got it. Sucre's had it tucked in the back of his pants. Lucky Scylla.
Then we zip over to an oil derrick. (They do have them in the L.A. area.) Trisha's parked by one, with T-Bag in the back seat. He asks her, "So you knew who I was from the start? My real name, my record, ah ..." "I read your file, yeah," Trisha says. T-Bag looks out the window, then looks back and asks wistfully, "What if you hadn't? What if you never knew I was Theodore Bagwell the convict? Would you have believed I was Cole Pfeiffer?" Trisha looks at T-Bag in the rearview mirror with something almost like pity. T-Bag continues, caught up in the receding details of his baggage-free alternate persona: "Stellar salesman? Talented speaker?" Trish says, not unkindly, "I ... don't know. You certainly had a lot of other people fooled. [Beat.] Until you pulled a machine gun on them." T-Bag says sadly, "I guess it's like they said over at GATE: we are captives of our own identities, living in prisons of our own creation." By the end of that, he's darkly amused by the sentiment. We get a tight close-up on T-Bag's rueful expression as he says, "Who'd have thought they'd be right about something?" Ah, T-Bag. I do like how you're not at all sorry about your past actions; you're only sorry that they caught up with you.
Cut to Michael handing Scylla to Don Self and asking wryly, "So if you drop this, does that mean we all go back to prison?" Don Self says, "Don't worry -- if this doesn't get in the right hands in one piece, I'm going to be in as bad a spot as you are." Then he hands out Team Scylla's cash and parting gifts -- his warm congratulations, and promises that "Now I live up to my end of the deal. The vans are going to be here in half an hour. You're going to be sent to a field office, and you're going to go through processing. [Hands an envelope to Michael.] This is all your transfer paperwork. Give this to an Agent Schmidt. He's going to be heading up the convoy. I wish I could drive you myself, but I need to get to Dallow ASAP." Michael's not really listening because he's in the middle of another throbbing, tumor-induced headache, and Dr. Sara pipes up with the news that Michael needs to go to a hospital. Don Self promptly promises to send an ambulance with the vans: "You're going to get the best medical care available." So you're driving Michael up to Canada? Then Don Self emotionally says, "I should be thanking you. Because of what you've done, lives are going to be changed forever." Then there is hand-shaking -- you should see the look on Michael's face, which is all, "Hey I don't let just anyone touch me" -- and then Don's off, leaving Team Scylla standing around, feeling a tad deflated.
Meanwhile, back at the One World Conspiracy HQ, General Von Baldy's sitting in his chair and reflecting on what a crappy, crappy day he's had -- first Gretchen breaks his tiny black plastic heart, then Team Scylla proves that he perhaps paid too much for his expensive security system, then someone kidnaps his daughter, then Scofield waltzes off with Scylla. So when some stooge is all, "Sir, what are your orders?" Von Baldy can only reply, "I don't know." The death pool on Von Baldy starts now.
Back at Team Scylla HQ, Michael and Linc are sitting on a loading dock. Michael is saying, "None of us will ever have to look over our shoulders again. That's the most important thing, no matter what comes ." Oh, Michael, can't you see that you've just dared the gods to wreck your happiness? This is practically a Greek myth, with the way you're all, "And now, nothing bad can happen to us, aside from my head exploding like a ripe melon." Anyway, Linc is not big on mythological conventions and catching the attention of the spiteful and petty gods, so he focuses on snapping Michael out of his pity party by reminding him that between the two of them, they've demonstrated a heroic capacity for surviving epic mayhem. What's a sojourn into the U.S. healthcare system compared to that? (Hint: It's a nightmare.)
Inside, Mahone heads to the fridge and gets two beers -- one for him, and one for Sucre. Sucre grins like a little kid at an ice-cream counter and says, "It's nice to know that the time I want to drink one of these, I won't have to do it in this crappy warehouse." Oh, my lord, the team is surely screwed now. This is practically the equivalent of that stock scene in a World War II movie where the earnest young recruit whips out a photo and says, "I got me a girl back home, and once we're done fighting here, why, I'm gonna marry her and settle down on the farm." Cut to a pretty woman sniffling into some sergeant's broad chest, all, "I don't understand -- Jimmy and me, why, we were going to get married ..."
Anyway, because of commitments like incarceration or bugging out in between illicit doses of anti-psychotic medications, neither Sucre nor Mahone have boned up on their TCM movie viewing. So they're unaware that they're doomed. This just makes Mahone's toasting of Sucre and their subsequent happy sipping that much more poignant. And then Sucre sighs, "I can't even remember being able to sit down at a restaurant or go to a ballgame or -- it seems like I've been running forever." Mahone counsels, "It's time to stand still. Take in the sun." These two are killing me, so let's move on.
Outside, Michael's chatting with Dr. Sara, who says, "I'm supposed to be happy right now, but I'm so scared." Sensible woman, Dr. Sara. Oh, wait, I spoke too soon -- "Just scared that we've come all this way and I'm going to lose you anyway." Michael hugs her, and she says into his shoulder, "Just don't tell me everything's going to be okay." We cut to Michael, who's all, " ... okay."
Then we switch to Trisha, who's grown tired of hanging out with T-Bag and is waiting outside the car for Don Self to pull up at their meeting place. He does, and gets out of the car, looking considerably more bedraggled than usual. He even looks more bedraggled than Trisha, which is something given the morning she's had. However, both agents perk up when looking at Scylla. Trisha asks, "So what's ? Senator Dallow?" Don Self looks quite nervous as he says, "No. I need to tie up some loose ends," and then asks Trisha if Gretchen and T-Bag talked at all about any possible, live buyers for Scylla. Trisha doesn't think so -- "Bagwell might know. Once we get him in an interview room and offer him a deal, his mouth will start moving." Honey, you don't even have to offer him a deal. Four years of recapping this show have taught me that few things will shut T-Bag up. Don looks at Trisha oddly. She ... does not notice. It is a mystery to me how she managed to convince anyone to put her on any kind of undercover work when she misses so many huge behavioral cues.
Back at Team Scylla HQ, everyone's twiddling their thumbs, waiting for their promised tickets to freedom. To break the tedium, Linc walks over to Mahone and says, "Remember what I said to you the first day that we got here?" Mahone does: "You said when this was over, we were going to settle up." Linc says, "We're settled." Awww, LINCOLN FORGIVES. Another dramatic arc on this show laid to rest! Dr. Sara comes in and points out that it's been an hour, so could Michael please call Don Self and check on that ambulance. And ... and then, everyone's good mood evaporates as Michael gets a loud message telling him the number he had for Don Self has been disconnected.
Cut to Don Self, looking blissfully untroubled by calls from Michael Scofield. He tells Trisha, "You did really good on this one. You really held your own." Trisha's pleased by the compliment, and she completely misses how unhappy Don looks. Instead, she wants to gaze upon the wonder of Scylla one more time. Don looks shifty for a second, apologizes, and then, right as Trisha asks, "What are you talking about?" -- he shoots her. Holy Toledo, Don Self is officially a bad guy now! Who among us unspoiled people saw that coming? Do you suppose this was his plan all along, or did his head get turned by the possibility of earning a nine-figure payout? I have no idea -- I'm too boggled. Even T-Bag looks stunned by this development. And possibly worried for his own life, since he is handcuffed inside a car and Don Self is giving him a very calculating look.
Meanwhile, it's beginning to occur to Team Scylla that perhaps, they're hosed. When Michael opens the manila envelope and discovers that it contains blank pages -- something that he really should have checked when Don Self handed it over, come to think of it -- everyone just sort of goggles. Then, because this is TV, the only four-letter word Michael can mutter over and over again without costing FOX $15 million in fines is "Self, Self." And we cut to Lincoln's expression -- best described as LINCOLN WILL KILL DON SELF -- and back to Michael, who looks like he's already shifted from the getting-mad portion of events to the plans to get even.
Sadly, we do not cut to Don Self realizing that there are five people in America who have a track record of achieving the impossible when sufficiently motivated -- and he's just managed to piss every single one of them off. With luck, we'll see that week, along with Don's realization that he's now target #1 for the One World Conspiracy. Oh please, oh please, oh please.