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Magnificent bastard, noooooooooo! O, now is the time for the wailing, the rending of garments, the smearing of ashes on the forehead. O, blackest despair, you became my viewing companion right around the thirty-six-minute mark. That was when Kellerman -- having sung like Sanjaya on the witness stand and thereby persuaded the courts to drop all of Dr. Sara's charges and Lincoln's conviction -- is (presumably) killed as he's being transferred to prison. After that thirty-six-minute mark, all is black and dire.
However, that's still thirty-six minutes better than Sucre's doing. The big lug leaves the hospital despite warnings that he's down about three pints of blood. "You could get brain damage!" cried a medical professional. "Not a risk!" we chanted from the couch. And so Sucre staggered around town trying to look for Bellick. He saw him eventually -- Bellick was getting loaded into the back of the paddywagon for his transfer to the same prison all Americans have to go to when they're incarcerated overseas. You know the one -- dirty, brutal, punishment all out of proportion to the supposed crime. Anyway, Sucre sees Bellick, who hollers that Sucre better break him out or else Maricruz dies. The blood loss catches up to Sucre and he passes out.
So Dr. Sara has herself a little up-and-down episode. Shortly after being exonerated, she heads down to Panama, somehow managing to hook up with the same petty hood who helps Michael to frame Mahone (more on that later). There's a brief little scene where it all looks like it'll end happily ever after -- Lincoln is free, and a friend of Dr. Sara's is busy digging Michael out of legal trouble.
And then, Agent Kim shows up. After a silly, silly, silly scene, he is killed. Dr. Sara is the one who pulled the trigger. Right then, the Panamanian police show up, so those three are on the run. Again. Why they elected to run -- as opposed to staying in the boat and speeding away on the water, where cars can't go -- is a mystery to which only the writers will ever know the answer.
But because they decided to run, Michael and Dr. Sara are soon apprehended. It's all very overwrought.
On to a slightly more heart-wrenching plot line: Mahone's plan to swap Lincoln for the boar and then money, then meet up with his family in Colombia, is ruined because Michael plants two kilos of cocaine on the Christina Rose before handing it over to him, then calls the cops. It'sâ¦well, William Fichtner acts the hell out of the scene but honestly, Mahone did spend an entire season killing people and he did try to sell the protagonists down the river, soâ¦just desserts?
Speaking of just desserts, guess who's rotting in the bowels of a Panamanian prison? T-Bag.
Guess who else is rotting in prison? Michael. It turns out he and Bellick are in the mysterious "Sona," which is a prison. Bellick's not doing well. Michaelâ¦walks toward the light where, presumably, a more satisfying resolution to everything is waiting. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
This episode picks up right where the last one dropped off: Michael's just gotten the "your brother for your plan" ultimatum from Mahone. As he wanders around the yacht, thinking it over, we flash back to many of the brothers' scenes from season one. This is, I suppose, where we're supposed to realize how important it's been to Michael that he and his brother boat off into the sunset together, tacking into the wind with a sail made from sewn-together hundred-dollar bills.
Michael's musing is interrupted by the local gum vendor-cum-drug dealer. Unfortunately, Michael is not interested in any mind-altering substances right now: reality is already weird enough for him. His satellite phone rings. It's Mahone, asking, "So you gonna do the right thing?" "Right for who, Alex?" Michael replies. "Whom," Mahone corrects, "Also, quit stalling. It's right for me, of course." Oh, he does not. He says, "You lost, Michael. That's what you've done here. And you're going to lose a whole lot more unless you tell me right here and right now you're gonna bring me the money, you're going to bring me the boat." Michael confirms that Mahone will let Linc go. Mahone says, "Yeah." Michael replies, "Just like you let Tweener go, and Abruzzi, and Haywire." Mahone doesn't see where his past behavior has anything to do with his current situation. He says, "The people I was working for sold me down the river. Now I just want to go out to sea." Michael snaps, "That's funny. I'll have to remember that one." Mahone continues, "I face more prison time than you. I sort of jumped ahead of you a few spots on the public enemy list. You're my way to freedom, Michael, and I'm yours. We both know what the other one's capable of. Come one -- let's treat each other with respect here. No games, no nothing. Just two guys doing each other a favor. What do you say?"
Michael says, "Where are you?" We learn that Linc and Mahone are holed up at Miraflores shipping docks, right outside Panama City. Never mind how they got there since last we checked, they had met up in Panama City. And never mind that it'll take Michael 24 hours to get there.
Mahone hangs up the phone, feeling pretty good about things. That'll change, since he's now got Captain Bringdown's full attention, and if it's anything Linc excels at -- other than LINCOLN SMASH! -- it's bringing everyone down. Mahone figures being on the run won't be a big deal, and Linc's all, "Well, wait until they catch you." Mahone decides to ignore Captain Bringdown and call Agent Kim. He says happily, "Ohhh, justice will be served."
Then we flash to the courtroom in Chicago. Kellerman's on the stand, radiating more earnestness than a Boy Scout at an Eagle court of honor. He's saying, "The things I'm about to divulge to you will, in all likelihood, get me killed. Actually, I guarantee it." Marty the lawyer asks why Kellerman's doing it. Kellerman courts the jury and has them sitting on his lap with the lines, "Because this was supposed to be about country, about loyalty, about what's right. But it wasn't. Because... I wronged people who should not have been wronged." We cut to Dr. Sara staring intently at Kellerman, no doubt remembering their tub time together.
We then fade out, to signify time elapsing. When we fade in again, Kellerman is busy telling everyone, "Those orders were given by Caroline Reynolds, who was Vice President at the time. On those orders, I planted evidence, I procured a body, I lured Lincoln Burrows into that parking garage on that evening on the false premises of a different hit. From the ground up, we framed him. So Lincoln Burrows gets executed, people forget about Terrence Steadman, the controversy surrounding him and the presidency, and nobody ever knows about the [One World Conspiracy]."
The prosecutor is skeptical of the existence of the One World Conspiracy, then adds, "I fail to see how any of this is relevant to Sara Tancredi, that she aided and abetted, that she jumped bail --" Kellerman interrupts, "She did so because she feared for her life, which was appropriate, as I had orders to kill her." Well, that shuts the prosecutor right the hell up. Dr. Sara seems to be startled by Kellerman's admission. Why, I have no idea -- was she not present on at least one occasion where Kellerman did try to kill her? Did she think he was doing so for extra credit?
Back on the beach in Panama, Michael gazes back at Chaco -- hard at work getting the local kids hooked on smack, no doubt -- and an idea percolates. He comes over and asks, "Are you still in the magic business?' "Siempre," Chaco replies.
We cut to the judge, who has just examined Exhibits C (for contrivance) through R (for resolution) and concluded that verily, Kellerman's supporting evidence proves the existence of the One World Conspiracy, gets Dr. Sara off the hook, and tells us what really happened to Tupac Shakur. The upshot: the prosecutor is dropping all charges against Dr. Sara, effective immediately. However, because prosecutors hate having free time on their hands, they'll be looking into spending the five years compiling the list of charges to bring against Kellerman. Dr. Sara's a little stunned by all these developments. She turns around and tells Kellerman, "I literally don't even know what to say to you." As Kellerman's led away, he tells her, "It was good knowing you, Sara." Is it wrong to find that weirdly gallant?
Back in Panama: Mahone's phone rings. Agent Kim is walking out of the office as he asks, "Where are we?" Mahone airily tells him, "I'm in Panama. Nice place. Good weather, cool breeze." Kim, who looks like he is experiencing neither, snaps, "Where are we with the brothers?" Mahone tells him to hop on a plane and come see, as he'll have 'em both by the time Kim lands.
Michael is sailing, sailing, sailing the ocean blue. He's also pouring out his heart to Dr. Sara on her voicemail. He leaves the following message: "Sara, it's me. It's a strange thing, leaving a message for someone you know is never going to get it. I can only assume the worst, so... this will be the last message I leave for you. I just wanted you to know that I made it. But it's no good without you. Anyway, you remember when I told you about those 50-cent beers in Baja, at happy hour? Well, they're even cheaper down here. If by some miracle you do get this, I need you to listen close... " To a message WE are not privy to. Humph!
Cut to Bruce trying to snap Dr. Sara out of her daze. He is trying to get her to hustle out a side door, the better to avoid the inevitable media circus. We get a brief snap of the newscasts -- it's not looking good for Madame Evil -- and as Dr. Sara walks by all the reporters, one helpfully tells the camera that Lincoln is to be exonerated of all charges. Dr. Sara exclaims, "Oh my God, Bruce -- Lincoln's a free man!"
And we go to credits and commercials. Ah, truly, this is the Web 2.0 bubble, since we've seen the return of ads promising that ihe Internet will make us all smarter, more socially skilled, and more likely to work in the kind of office where there are attractive chairs and attractive people and great views. Where are the ads pointing fingers at the internet for making To Catch a Predator possible?
Okay. When we come back, Dr. Sara's checking her voicemail. But! She does not listen to Michael's message all the way through. Instead, she just tries to call him. We flash to Michael, who is busy talking with Chaco and thus misses his phone ringing. Argh! So we cut back to Dr. Sara telling Bruce, "I'm going to have to go [to Panama]." "What is that, about three thousand miles?" he asks. Dr. Sara says all matter-of-fact, "It is. So we're going to have to swing by my hotel and then you're going to have to get me to the airport because, Bruce, he's going to need to know he doesn't have to run anymore. What he's doing right now is going to get him killed" Behind her, the press corps takes in every word. Way to be discreet, Dr. Sara. It's not like the FBI's not still interested in your boyfriend the ARMED ROBBER with a VALID FELONY CONVICTION for the CRIME HE ACTUALLY DID COMMIT.
Dude, don't you hate it when you end up yelling at the TV?
Meanwhile, Agent Kim is meeting with Baldy Von Stringpuller in a stretch limo. He says nervously, "The stars are finally aligned, sir. Mahone's got Burrows, and Scofield is on his way." Baldy Von Stringpuller holds up a note reading "SONA?" and Kim assures him, "I will make that happen. I'm going down there myself." Baldy Von Stringpuller reminds him, "Just ONE is needed." Kim says smugly, "I assume we both know which one that is." Baldy Von Stringpuller gives Kim a look that makes me hope he and Michael come face-to-face in season three for a lethal stare-off. Before Kim hops out of the car, Baldy Von Stringpuller gives him an arm squeeze that conveys a thousand words, most of them articulating dire threats.
We cut back to the docks, where Linc is elaborately rolling his eyes during Mahone's attempts to woo his lady long-distance. Mahone is telling Pam, "We talked about getting back together, about giving it another shot." Pam is telling him, "Yes, and I said maybe we could... " If you weren't so crazy hangs on the end of that. Mahone jumps in, "What about Colombia? Cartagena?" Pam is all, "Huh, what?" and Mahone cajoles, "I'm not far from there right now, and I was thinking, why not stick around, have you guys come down?" Boy, I hope we get to see the scene where Pam and Cam discover they're staying. Mahone does the full-court press: "You always wanted to go, didn't you? Visit the homeland?" Pam points out that Mahone didn't. He smiles and says that he does now. Pam dithers about when they can come down. Mahone smiles, "Is that a yes? That's a yes, right?" Pam says, "Yes, yes," as Mahone grins, "Come on! Great coffees, great beaches, wildlife parks for Cameron." What, to take him to or to put him into? Anyway, Pam cautions that this may not work out -- "It can't be like it was before." Mahone sells it with all he's got: "It will never be like it was before. I know what's important now. I know what matters." Oh, Pam's sold: "I could look online." And what she'll find is that she can fly herself and her boy down there for about $1800. That is not bad, all things considered. As she gets ready to get off the phone, Mahone says, "Just come be with me, Pam. Be with me." We cut to Pam, who looks like she's about to say, "Okay," and crawl through the phone to get to him.
We cut to the Hospital San Matias in Panama City, Panama. A heavily bandaged Sucre is attempting to stand over the sink and clean up. It would probably go easier for him if he weren't shaking so hard, and I don't think the flashbacks to this season's insipid Maricruz scenes are helping either. Right then, the doctor comes in and asks what he's doing. Sucre tells her he's doing. The doctor replies, "That's ridiculous -- you're hypovolemic. You're down three pints of blood. That's thirty percent of the blood that's in your body. Kidney damage, brain damage, even death" Well, we all know that Sucre's in no danger of brain damage, because that consequence rests of the premise that he's got a working brain. Does that sound like any guy who's just taken a Phillips screwdriver to the liver, then lurched out the door to go hunt down his dozy girlfriend?
We see Sucre on the street at a payphone, gently bleeding in between bouts of panting, sweating profusely, and shivering. Somewhere in there, he still manages to make enough conversation with someone at the American embassy to establish that he's still looking for Bellick.
Speaking of whom... he's in the bowels of some godawful Panamanian prison, bellowing about how he'd like to call his lawyer. When Bellick gets tired of shouting, he heads over to the bunk. Like Sucre, he is also shivering and covered in sweat. Remember, like Sucre, he's wounded. And would you look at what the guards just delivered into the cell? The person who did the wounding, that's what! Bellick leaps to his feet again, massive thigh wound notwithstanding, and points out that T-Bag is the one who killed the hooker. However, the guard's not taking Bellick's word for that.
Bellick limps over to T-Bag and grits, "You're busted." "Am I?" T-Bag spits in reply? Bellick asks about the money, and T-Bag replies, "Pretty boy's got it. He's out there with a royal flush... and you're in here with a busted straight. Hardly seems right, does it?" Bellick replies, "Your hand don't look much better." T-Bag says loftily, "Maybe I got an ace up my sleeve." Or maybe you just have a stolen prosthetic.
We cut to Chaco hailing the local drug lord. DeJesus seems to have taken his lifestyle cues from rap videos. Chaco tells DeJesus that "I've got a guy for you with a ton of money." Michael comes on up. DeJesus is not too thrilled to see him: "You're a long ways from home, boy. Ain't no deal for you here." Michael is all, "Don't you want to at least hear the terms?" DeJesus does not: "Guy looking like you do, coming here? Only thing you offer me is jail time." He then smacks Chaco into the scene, since he thinks that Michael's a cop. Michael can apparently understand Spanish ["Or at least he can parse "policia." -- Joe R]; he tells DeJesus he's not a cop. A thug pushes a gun into Michael's skull anyway. You know, you end up on the business end of a gun as many times as Michael has, it's got to lose its power after a while. Anyway, Michael tells DeJesus to "check online. Type in 'Michael Scofield.'" And one of the flunkies just happens to have a laptop at the ready! I love it. As the browser page loads, we go to commercials.
Commercials. So McDonald's is the food of hostile, passive-aggressive nightmare roommates everywhere? Good to know -- I like to be able to profile people via their McNugggets.
When we come back, the flunky has done a Google image search and lo, Michael's WANTED poster is the number one hit. DeJesus shakes his head all Escaped cons, these days! and he tells Michael, "You just gave me a hundred thousand reasons to turn you in." In turn, Michael offers DeJesus $100,000 plus some to go along with whatever crazy plan he's cooked up.
Meanwhile, Linc and Mahone continue to drive each other batty. Linc tells Mahone, "You know I'm innocent." Mahone shrugs, "Yeah, probably." Linc continues, "Yet you don't care." Mahone says blankly, "I don't care about anything other than getting my life back, no." Linc asks, "Does your wife know who you really are?" Mahone says, "You know how it is -- good men doing bad things because of circumstance." As Linc discreetly fiddles with the pipe he's cuffed to, noticing a loose fitting, he tells Mahone, "I'd call her back if I were you. Tell her to forget you were ever born... stop the cancer in your life from spreading to theirs." This hits Mahone. He replies, "Cancer of my life? I wouldn't be begging her to meet me in this third-world dump if it weren't for you and your life." Linc is not impressed with the finger-pointing. He calmly tells Mahone, "There's no way out of this -- for you, or for any of us." Mahone begs to differ.
Meanwhile, in the bowels of the godawful prison, Bellick is forced to make small talk with T-Bag. We find out that T-Bag's burned through maybe $200,000 of the money thus far. He comments that down here, "You could be Louis XIV on a sum like that. The Sun King of Panama." Yes, except the real Rei du Soleil had six legitimate offspring, while you're The Last of the Bagwells there, T-Bag. Bellick decides to share his fondest wish: that out of all the escapees, T-Bag would have been the one who ended up dead in a hail of bullets. T-Bag taunts him with, "Maybe you'll finish the job." "Maybe I will," Bellick replies. Oh, come on -- we all know he lacks the stones to actually kill someone. Bully them when they're powerless to retaliate, yes. Dispatch them in cold blood, no. Also, Bellick now lacks the opportunity to do T-Bag in: the guards have come for him to drag him off to an even worse prison.
And in the it-figures moment: just as Sucre is lurching to Relocada Station to bail Bellick out, or testify to his innocence, or whatever, Bellick is being bundled onto the transfer truck that'll take him to his final destination. As Bellick is tossed into the back of the truck, a delirious Sucre half-shouts, half-sobs, "Where is she, Bellick? Huh? Huh? Where is she?" As Bellick is being taken away, he yells back, "You want to find out where she is? Find a way to get me out of this!" Sucre will get right on that in season three, right after he snaps out of that coma he's swooned into. We get a shot of Maricruz smiling wistfully at Sucre, then we see Sucre on the ground, arms splayed out at his sides. And then... the screen goes black.
We cut to Michael sailing on his beautiful boat. A shot of clouds whirring by reminds us that time is elapsing. Then Michael's docked the Christina Rose. He lifts out a big backpack (one presumes it's filled with money), checks his watch, deposits the bag in some underbrush, then heads in to meet Mahone.
When he comes in, Mahone offsets the hostility of keeping a gun on him with the compliment, "Michael, that's a beautiful boat." Michael drawls, "Just promise me you'll change the name when you take it. I don't think my mother would have approved of you." Linc demands that Mahone uncuff him. Mahone doesn't think so. Michael asks wearily, "Is this the part where you go back on your word?" Mahone pats him down and replies blithely, "No -- as of now, they want you alive." Michael wants to know why. Mahone replies, "That's a good question. Figure it out someday on your own time." I love how he's totally short with both brothers. Anyway, Mahone wants the money, and Michael is all, "Not until you uncuff my brother." The two Mind Mates haggle over the money and the uncuffing, and this discussion is finally cut short by Mahone's phone ringing. Oh, this just gets better: it's Agent Kim. Mahone gives him directions.
Then Mahone calls the local police -- "Miraflores Docks. There's been a murder. A well-dressed Asian man has just been shot by two Americans." Michael watches this with a What NOW? look, and when Mahone hangs up, he says, "So you kill him and frame us. Why?" Mahone puts on his jacket and says testily, "So everyone will leave me alone. 'Cause that's all I want. That and the money." Michael replies, "That's not going to happen, Alex. Let him go." Mahone says, "Give me the money." "No," Michael replies. Mahone says again, "Give me the money." Again, Michael says petulantly, "No." Mahone raises his gun and shouts, "Give me the money!" Michael elects to give Fox money instead.
That's right -- we go to commercials. If Fox wants to dispel the impression that Drive is merely the humorless version of The Cannonball Run, it needs to not run promos where the characters are all talking about "a secret, illegal road race" with prizes. Because now, I'm sort of expecting Jamie Farr to show up, bellowing, "Wing tips? Buy yourself a decent clothing store!"
Then we come back and Mahone is still glaring bullets at Michael. This beats discharging the actual bullets he's got in his gun, but not by much. Agent Kim comes in, coyly remarking, "I am dumbfounded." Mahone snaps, "Don't be shy -- they're all yours." Kim replies, "You'd said you'd have them right where we want them. This isn't right where we want them." Oh, those One World Conspiracy stooges -- always getting folks on the technicalities. Mahone tells Kim this is as far as it goes. In the time it takes me to type, "Mahone turns around and points the gun at Agent Kim," Mahone has done exactly that, and Kim has sussed out that Mahone meant to kill him. However, Agent Kim didn't get to where he is by assuming that his flunkies are loyal. (Nor did he get there through fieldwork, but that's another story.) So his goons descend. Linc manages to free himself from his sewer pipe. Mayhem ensues: Linc and Michael run in one direction, Mahone's shooting all over the damn place, people whose names are nowhere near the credits are dropping like flies.
Once they're outside, Michael retrieves the backpack full of money. He and Linc sprint off. Mahone runs off toward the Christina Rose and manages to take off before the cops arrive.
Back in the U.S., Kellerman's being walked to the van that will transfer him to his (presumed) destination. There is no way that he wouldn't be clad in all sorts of protective gear beneath or on top of his orange prison jumpsuit. He is the guy who's all, "Yes, the long arms of the One World Conspiracy have reached everywhere and nothing stops them." Didn't the judge who ordered his detention pay attention to any part of his testimony? Anyway, Kellerman coolly tells the guards, "I know the drill," the minute they tell him he's not to speak to either of them during transport. That's my Magnificent Bastard!
So then Kellerman's in the van and it bops along, completely unescorted by other police vehicles or, say, anything to indicate that perhaps someone somewhere is at all concerned about the fate of the guy who was all, "Yeah, the One World Conspiracy sure does like to create opportunities to wipe out anyone who talks about it!" And then, within short succession, we establish that A) the driver decided to avoid the freeways in favor of remote, less-traveled roads, and B) Oh, look, the engine light has come on. Kellerman is smirking a little as the driver parks under an overpass, saying, "We'd better pull over just to make sure." Then he sits back, looking unexpectedly peaceful.
The driver gets out of the car and pops the hood. Kellerman turns to his companions and says, "In the French resistance, it was considered a high honor to face a Nazi firing squad. Meant you did your job. The highest honor was to smile when they shot you." Then the door opens. Kellerman turns to look at the suit-wearing guys who, incidentally, offset their dark ties with black ski masks and semiautomatic weapons. He smiles and says, "Took you long enough." We go to the outside of the van, where two men fire into it. We pull back further and further -- just close enough to convey that yes, many bullets are being fired into the van, yet far enough to raise the specter of a doubt that Kellerman was definitely killed. Guess we'll have to see how that Grey's Anatomy spin-off does, huh? I prefer to live in denial until then.
We're now at Lake Gatun, Panama Canal, at the Viejos Marina. Mahone is getting directions to Colombia from someone; he is but two days away from freedom. The captain remarks, "It's a good time to be down here -- no storms." "I've had enough storms recently," Mahone says dryly. Right after the captain tells Mahone to enjoy the beautiful crossing, we see a boatload of cops who are not enjoying anything. This would be because they do not enjoy finding vast quantities of cocaine aboard the Christina Rose, Mahone looks completely stricken as he realizes that Michael set him up -- first by planting the drugs, then by calling in a tip to the local narcotics police. I am sort of wondering why it never occurred to him that Michael would do that. I mean, he did basically steal the boat from Michael -- did Mahone really think he'd be allowed to sail off into the sunset?
We cut up river to another part of Panama. Lincoln and Michael are making small talk in the woods, something along the lines of, "Shall we connect the dots for the few viewers who didn't realize that Michael bought the dope from the ridiculous drug lord, stashed it in the boat, then set Mahone up?" Anyway, Linc notes that they may have lost the boat, but at least they still have a few million dollars. Michael replies, "It's our ticket to the rest of our lives, minus what I'm sending Westmoreland's daughter." Shouldn't that be the estate of Westmoreland's daughter? Last we checked, she was on the brink of death.
Anyway, Chaco appears to lead Michael and Linc to their destination. Linc confirms that "we get out of here and we never look back," then they follow Chaco to a secluded dock. As they walk, Linc tells Michael, "I want to thank you, Michael, for everything." Michael tells him, "You're welcome." There is no hugging, lest it diminish their manliness. The two brothers meet up with Chaco, who says, "It's the best I could do with the money you gave me." It's still decent. Michael says as much. He hands a wad of money to Chaco in thanks. At the rate Michael's flinging cash around, the estate of Westmoreland's daughter is going to receive a check for $53.85. As Chaco heads away, he tells Michael, "She's very pretty." Michael replies, "She'll get us where we need to go, right?" Chaco's all, "Oh, I'm not talking about the boat."
Both men's heads swivel back to the boat, right in time to see Dr. Sara come on out, shaking a rag she's been using to clean thing. Michael is gobsmacked. He and Linc sort of stroll on down, and Dr. Sara disembarks to meet him on the dock, saying, "So I got your message." She and Michael exchange a long... hug. Yes. A hug. Just because they're going steady doesn't mean anyone gets to first base. Because Linc is eavesdropping on their reunion, he's the first to comment when Dr. Sara says, "Michael, Linc is free." And Linc's comment: "What?"
Dr. Sara explains: "It's all over the news. Paul Kellerman came forward, and he had everything documented and he made a full confession." Michael speaks for all of us with: "Are you serious?" I mean, COME ON. What was all the agita with Terrence shooting himself and Kellerman being all, "Oh, now we have nothing, blah blah blah" if he's been keeping notes all along? So all of Lincoln's charges have been dropped, and all of Dr. Sara's charges have been dropped, so it looks like the only felon here is Michael. To Linc's credit, he asks about Michael. Dr. Sara says a friend of her father's is looking into it, drawing on the storied Supreme Court ruling wherein Brandeis wrote in the majority opinion that "the best of intentions always outweighs the rule of law." Michael looks like he's about to burst into tears. Or into testosterone-fueled flames, since Dr. Sara's running her fingers up and down his torso flirtatiously.
Lincoln speaks for everyone with, "I need a drink." And then he waits on his dead ass for Dr. Sara to go fetch it for him. As she heads off-camera, Linc grabs a fishhook so Michael can monkey with his cuffs and get them off. Michael whispers, "We did it." And then we hear another low voice say, "No... you almost did it." It's Agent Kim! Somehow, Mr. I-hate-going-into-the-field managed to find these guys and now he's got a gun on them.
Commercials. When did April become the month when movies with lots of big, dumb, car-chase scenes were released? I thought January was supposed to be the dumping ground for stuff nobody wanted to see.
So we come back, and Agent Kim is still holding a gun on our two free people and one fugitive (remember: Michael is still a felon). Linc is all, "You want the money? Here." He tosses over the backpack. Agent Kim asks, "You think this is about the money?" He kicks the backpack off the dock, and it sinks. Oh, that is delightful. We all watch four million dollars' worth of macguffin sink beneath the water. Michael has a look like You have NO IDEA what I have BEEN THROUGH to get that money. Kim says derisively that it's pocket change. In that case, I call dibs on cleaning out his pockets. And rooting through his sofa cushions. Mama's got a mortgage to pay. Michael asks, "Then what is it about? My brother's been exonerated. The president's stepped down. We're not a threat anymore. It's over." Kim gives him an unhinged smirk and says, "You may be done with us, but that doesn't mean we're done with you. The police are on their way." Lincoln valiantly offers to take the bullet for Michael. Kim patronizingly says, "Awwwww. That's sweet. That's sweet. You don't hear that much, anymore -- that sort of fidelity in families. Two brothers that'll go to the ends of the earth for each other. Too bad only one of you will survive."
Kim goes to shoot at Linc and Michael screams, "Don't!" right as we hear the crack of a gunshot. However, we see that it's Agent Kim who's been shot. Even more surprisingly, it's Dr. Sara who has the uncanny aim. You've been holding out on us, Annie Oakley. Kim falls in the water; Dr. Sara falls to pieces.
We hear the whine of sirens. Michael says, "We gotta go." However, instead of taking the boat -- which works on water, where police cars can't go -- Lincoln "Genius" Burrows decides they should abandon ship and run around on foot. Frankly, Dr. Sara should have shot out his patella and let Michael drag Linc back on the boat while she lifted the anchor. Then they could have escaped. Now, they have to go on a tedious footrace. Worse, we have to watch it. Linc heads in one direction. Michael and Dr. Sara head in another.
The upshot is that Linc manages to elude the police. Michael and Dr. Sara manage to find the kind of picturesque cottage that would make for a fabulous romantic weekend were it not surrounded by police. The captain calls, "My men are ordered to fire if you don't come out of there with your hands first." Michael pulls Dr. Sara over to a section of wall where they're not easily seen. They crouch down. The guy calls, "Murder is not something we take lightly here on Panamanian soil, so come on out of there, and there will be no more death."
This triggers Dr. Sara's annual existential freak-out. She whispers, "Michael, I took a man's life." Michael picks THEN to mack on her, caressing her face and whispering, "Don't think about that now. You and I have a date, remember? Two limes, a couple of beers -- don't forget that." I would say something about his rotten timing, but it appears to have snapped Dr. Sara out of her breakdown. Michael asks for the gun, and Dr. Sara repeats, "I took a man's life." Okay, then -- Michael has lousy timing after all. As Dr. Sara sobs, Michael tells her reassuringly, "We're going to walk out of here together, and we're going to tell them exactly what happened. Look at me, look at me, look at me. We're going to tell them exactly what happened. We'll explain everything. And I'm going to do whatever I can to help you. Okay?" Dr. Sara nods, and we have a sweet little moment where she leans her forehead into his. Michael uses that moment to get the gun from her. Dr. Sara finishes crying. They stand up and they have a big, wet hug, and exchange "I love you"s. Then Dr. Sara grabs Michael even closer and kisses him a few times. After that's done and she's winding down her cry, we get a shot of Michael's face; it is bleak. We've seen this look before.
So then Michael plays sweet boyfriend for about ten more seconds, but the minute they're out the door, he's got Dr. Sara in the classic hostage clinch and he's waving the gun around, yelling, "Don't move!" Is it wrong that I enjoy Yelling Scofield more than Whispering Scofield? I mean, it would probably be more publicly awkward to be on a date with a guy who's shouting everything ("I THINK I'LL HAVE THE HANGAR STEAK! AND YOU?") but for very short periods, it's a good sound on him. Dr. Sara whispers, "What are you doing?" In between screaming at people not to move, Michael whispers back, "You sacrificed everything for me once." He yells some more. Dr. Sara implores him not to do this. Michael replies, "Now it's time to say 'thank you.'" He lets her go and walks down the stairs with his hands up, yelling, "It was me! It was me!" And with that, not only has Michael managed to get himself arrested for murder, he's managed to raise the bar for everybody in the Americas. Seriously -- the time you get your significant other flowers, they'll be all, "Roses. How. Nice. [pause] Michael Scofield went to jail for his girlfriend, you know." Anyway, Dr. Sara is busy shouting because she can't stand the idea of Michael doing time in the prison for love. Hey... maybe that can be another follow-up for Don't Do Life in the Prison of Love -- Don't Do Life in the Prison FOR Love.
And now, another very sad scene. We get a shot on a crappy old payphone, and a hand punching in a number. The finger pauses, we hear a muffled sob, and the last number gets punched in. We cut to Pam, driving along. Mahone tells her, "Hey, it's me." Pam says flirtatiously, "Ohhh, getting impatient. Reminds me of when we were in college." We cut back to Mahone, who has collapsed against the phone. In a broken voice, he asks if Pam's bought tickets yet. She has not. Tears running down his face, Mahone chokes out, "Don't. Forget about them. Forget I ever existed." He hangs up the phone. We cut briefly to Pam; she pulls over so she can have a big cry without causing a big accident. Then we cut back to the broken Mahone as the guards march him away.
Then we zoom down to a busy street. Right outside what appears to be a Panamanian police station, Lincoln's flagging down an official-looking lady in a suit. He tells her he's looking for Dr. Sara; we learn that Dr. Sara was brought in to give her statement, then released. Linc just missed her. He scans the crowd and just manages to catch Dr. Sara stumbling off down the street. As Linc calls out to her, we see a guy casually peel away from the car he was leaning against, then follow Dr. Sara. They both disappear. Linc is left blinking in confusion. Who will get to the good doctor first? We'll find out season.
Then we cut to the inside of a prison, where T-Bag is sitting on a bunk and fuming that he has nobody to hold his pockets. A stooge from the One World Conspiracy comes in and T-Bag says brightly, "I thought you'd never show up." The stooge leans in to the bars and T-Bag whispers, "When am I getting out of here?" The stooge replies, "That's the thing. There's been a hiccup." The men share a chuckle and T-Bag says, "Look, you guys got me. You got me fair and square in Mexico, all right? I did what you wanted me to do, and now it's time to cut me loose, just like we agreed." The stooge points out that getting caught wasn't part of the deal. Man, those One World Conspiracy guys weasel out of all their deals on technicalities. T-Bag replies, "I got caught being part of your set-up, being your bait. Now, I got you Scofield down here. I got you what you wanted!" The stooge shakes his head slightly and replies, "You got caught, Bagwell." He walks off. T-Bag screams, "I did what you told me to do! I did what you told me to do! I did what you told me!" Unhappy ending for T-Bag? Who knows -- perhaps he'll cut off a foot so he can gain superstrength and the ability to phase through walls like Kitty Pryde. And then we'll all be sorry in season three.
Now, it's a dark and stormy night. A Panamanian police van pulls up in front of a building that looks like it was transplanted from either Gotham City or Basin City. Michael is helped out of the van and his restraints are taken off. As he is walked toward the entrance of the building, we see another wet man being similarly untrussed. We see that it's Mahone. He and Michael exchange a long look. Then Michael is escorted in one direction while Mahone is pushed in another.
At the entrance, the guard tells Michael, "This is as far as we go." He gives them a look, then looks at the open doors and walks in. The doors close behind him; above them, we see a partial legend, with the letters "... IARIA... EDERAL... E... SONA."
Then we cut to bright and beautiful Basil Island Research Facility in Long Island, New York. It does not appear to be a civilian research operation. We see Baldy Von Stringpuller hanging up a lab coat, and someone approaches him saying, "General... " Oh, so he's General Baldy Von Stringpuller? How delighted the citizens of the U.S. will be to discover that the One World Conspiracy has its roots in the military-industrial complex. The flunky tells him, "It's Scofield. We got him." General Baldy Von Stringpuller's reaction is to whip out a keycard and hustle into a secure area.
And now it's time to find out what Sona looks like. Short answer: like a NIN video. Dank, poorly lit with arty blue light, all sorts of pseudoreligious imagery all over the place, people who look like they should be standing on a stage to a chicken-biting geek. Michael slowly walks down the hall, taking it all in as he inches along.
We cut back to General Baldy Von Stringpuller in a big, shiny white hall. There are MPs standing at attention at a doorway. The little flunky says, "Scofield back in the pen. Gotta be honest -- I didn't think we'd see it happen. You know he's going to break out. It's in his blood." General Baldy Von Stringpuller turns back to the flunky and says, "That's exactly what we want him to do." Then he pulls up a face mask and heads into season three.
Then we're back in Sona, with Michael still inching the way down the hall. He passes the usually collection of men who are not so much into the dressing like dudes, then passes a few junkies who are nodding off, the rubber tubing still wrapped around their arms. See, what did I tell you? NIN video, circa 1995. Look it up on YouTube. As Michael keeps going, we see a man on the ground: he's wearing only his underwear, shivering violently and glistening with filth. Michael looks down and his eyes widen slightly in dismay. We get another look: it's Bellick; he's been beaten, and it looks like his jaw is broken. Bellick gives Michael a dumb, despairing look, then begins shivering again. We pan up to the seven-foot slab of muscle that's standing over Bellick without a lick of concern on his face.
Michael gets to the end of the hall. We hear a thunderous, echoey din as he stands in the doorway to what appears to be a courtyard. Michael looks down the dim hall again. We look at him, standing in front of a painting of a cross, and wonder if anyone realized that drawing parallels between Michael and Jesus on the episode that aired during Easter week could be considered inappropriate to the religiously-inclined among us. Then Michael turns toward what appears to be a courtyard, staring at the blue klieg light washes the entire scene in light. We hear the whine of a siren, an awful rhythmic tattoo of voices. Michael walks into that hell --
And the screen goes bright white. Wow, good thing we weren't expecting any sort of story resolution or anything! Otherwise, we might have been disappointed with that scene capping a season of dragged-out storylines and false endings!
All grumbling aside... thanks to all of y'all who have read the recaps and sent me email. Also, big thanks to the forum posters. And, of course, thanks to the folks who subbed for me this season (ha -- now we'll see if Mr. Sobell actually reads my recaps!) and Joe R and Sars as editors. Enjoy the rest of sweeps -- I'll see you in August.