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Let me get this straight: all of Michael's elaborate planning is foiled by one janitor with keen powers of observation? He's got emergency back-up poison pills just in case his brother decks someone and gets tossed in solitary, he's got a cellmate who just happens to have a rosary so said pills can get smuggled in, he's got a way to play Bellick so everyone's in St. Louis at night and therefore positioned to escape despite Abruzzi being out of commission and unable to provide transitâ¦and it all comes to naught because some janitor decides to replace a disintegrated pipe with a shiny new one that is impenetrable.
Fortunately, the idiocy isn't confined to the inside of Fox River. After a big long speech about how he's written down the whole conspiracy on three sheets of paper, Hale neglects to hand it over to Veronica before Kellerman plugs him. Naturally, Veronica cowers during all this because she's no LJ with a camera-phone.
To sum up: Team Escarpara screwed, Veronica in peril (again), and Hale probably dead. See you in March! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We open with a nostril-cam shot of Abruzzi on a stretcher. Abruzzi's looked better. On the bright side, it cures that whole diphthong problem of his. We then switch to his perspective, and inadvertently get another up-the-nose shot: this one is of the good doctor. To cue us in to the idea that Abruzzi is not doing so well, his perspective is fuzzy and faded, and Dr. Sara sounds like she's coming live from the Black Lounge. The scene drags on some more so we can see Abruzzi gasping for air and bleeding some more. Dr. Sara, apply some direct pressure!
Meanwhile, Team Escarpara practices their wind sprints. All of them haul ass over to the fence, the better to watch the guy in charge of the getaway vehicle make his own getaway, albeit not under his own power.
Abruzzi finally gets on the copter and the paramedic asks, "What's his blood type?" "Profuse" would be my guess. The medical types shout things like "A-neg!" and "His blood pressure's too low! He's definitely hypovolemic!" From the depths of the couch, the husband asks, "Isn't that when he barfs up his food? Have a positive body image, Abruzzi!" "No, no -- you've confused barfing with bleeding," I point out. Anyway, because Abruzzi's blood type is rare -- well, it is now, what with being all over everything but his arteries and veins -- he has to be flown to Chicago, a whole 20 minutes away.
As Team Escarpara watches the chopper take off, T-Bag sashays over and drawls, "And then there were six." Shockingly, the team fails to beat the living daylights out of the person who's just torpedoed their getaway on the outside. They do, however, let C-Note lip off to him.
Meanwhile, Linc's busy getting beaten by the guards, then thrown into a little tiny dark room. "This is not awesome!" Linc screams from his tiny house.
Then we transition to Warden Pope striding around the grounds looking all purposeful. Michael charges on over and asks through the fence, "Where's my brother?" Pope replies, "He's in a lot of trouble, son." Really? Someone on death row is in trouble? No! Michael says he needs to see Linc, and Pope says, "That's not a request I can grant at the moment...we're 36 hours away from his execution. He panicked. He got violent. For that reason, for the rest of his time in Fox River, we're putting him in [Administrative Segregation]. For his safety and everyone else's." For Linc's safety? Yeah, heaven forefend something should happen to someone less than 48 hours before their death. Actually...why is someone who's less than 48 hours away from death still on P.I.? You would have the worst case of short-timer's disease ever. Anyway, Michael completely forgets that he's an inmate and protests, "I'm his brother! I deserve to see him! It's my right!" Pope gets snappish, and understandably so. Michael makes the puppy-dog eyes, but those fail to melt Pope's determination. The First Church of Wentworth Miller begins the excommunication proceedings for this apostate.
Commercials. I love how Alka-Seltzer promotes the myth that drugstore employees want to give you drugs, as opposed to denying you drugs on the grounds that doing so would violate their right to religious freedom.
When we get back, Sucre's on the phone: "That's Abruzzi. A-B-R-U-Z-Z-I...I don't care what pro-TOE-col is. I just want to know if he's okay! Hello? Hello? Hello? [Click.]" Sucre tells the rest of Team Escarpara (unnecessarily) that the hospital won't give out any information. T-Bag amuses himself by chirping, "I wonder what happened to that boy?" Michael gives him a look like, Have you even HEARD of the word "subtle"? and T-Bag muses that maybe the mafia chickens came home to roost. Michael decides not to acknowledge T-Bag's acting-out behavior, and says they'll have to put the plan on hold. C-Note begs to differ. Michael flares up a little with, "I don't think you heard me! Until I get my brother out of that hole, no one's doing a damn thing." C-Note replies, "Well, God bless Sink, but the man is gone. Once you go to the Tombs, you don't get out...not until they strap you up." Michael wheels on C-Note and says, "If you think I am leaving my brother behind, you have massively underestimated me." Everyone else in Team Escarpara's all, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. We underestimated you already. We don't have to wait around for Lincoln, so we're just going to go ahead and escape already." T-Bag mouths off some more and Michael actually lunges for him, but the rest of the team intervenes and C-Note deflects a CO with a shit-eating grin and an "it's all good, it's all good."
Then he turns around and the grin drops. C-Note tries on a little leadership with, "There are two things everybody needs to get with here. First, hillbilly, you have got to learn some respect. That man here made everything possible. And you, Fish? You are going to have to get with that we are doing this thing this afternoon as soon as we get on P.I." As Michael's been listening to this, he's had his hands clasped behind his head and he's sort of been rocking back and forth. Now, he unwinds and he has a big, mirthless grin. After an equally hollow laugh, he asks, "You're just going to make a run for it, in the middle of the day?" C-Note refrains from replying, "Yeah. That's the kind of thinking Linc used in coming up with a distraction for the CO. Look how well that turned out!" Michael whispers, "You are going to screw this whole thing up" and C-Note chuckles, "That's not for you to decide anymore. Now this train is leaving the station, Fish. And I suggest you get on it." This sentence prods something in the primordial ooze between T-Bag's ears and he begins drawling, "Get on the traaaaaaaaaaaaain," over and over again. I am stunned anew that he has remained alive for this long. Michael storms off, but C-Note confidently predicts he'll be back.
Meanwhile, for reasons that pass beyond understanding, the inmate who's in super-duper-solitary lockdown has access to matches. Good thing nothing in a prison is flammable, huh? Linc stares hard at the match, thinking, "Someday, I will be a real boy and not a wooden one. Someday!"
Things are tense in the Sucre/Michael household. Michael's seated at their little desk area. Sucre's semi-sulking on the bunk, and decides that he might as well pile on a little passive-aggressive pressure by pointing out that if the rest of Team Escarpara goes through the hole, that more or less blows his chances of doing so later. Michael says pissily, "Sounds like you're thinking about it." Sucre replies, "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I want to be out of here yesterday. I got a kid coming, man." He looks over -- expecting congratulations, perhaps? -- but Michael's all distracted by the rosary he's just found. Sucre tries to keep arguing that Michael can't get Linc out of the Tombs, but Michael's too busy monkeying with the rosary to listen. Sucre then jumps out of his bunk and says, "Can I say something? You may not want to hear it, but, uh...they're strapping him up either way. Once he's gone, you'll be stuck for another five years. And if they trace the hole back to you, they'll toss another dime. That's fifteen years, Papi. [Thoughtful pause -- inasmuch as Sucre's capable of such.] 'Course, if I were you, I wouldn't leave my brother behind either. Not to die like that, no." Hector, yes -- in a heartbeat. But a brother, no way. Sucre barrels on, "Worse thing a man can do to another man is strap him to a chair like that." Thank you, o clown prince of philosophy. And the point to that jumbled monologue was…?
Meanwhile, on the outside...Nick puts down the phone he's been chatting on and tells Veronica that they're in business: a friend of his at superior court is not averse to revisiting Lincoln's case if "the informant" has any actual information. Veronica breathes, "I gotta tell Lincoln." Before you do, why not tell us how you happened to rustle up a whole new outfit, little Miss I'm-On-The-Run. Nick points out that if Veronica goes to the prison "they" will be all over her. Veronica replies, "They've wanted to keep us on the run this entire time because if anybody hears us out, we can do them damage. Maybe it's time to do the exact opposite -- go big." Veronica's idea of "big" is to go to the media where, she correctly reasons, reporters will be very interested in hearing about how a bunch of disparate murders all tie to Lincoln's false conviction. Nick asks, "Are you ready to show your face again?" She will be once the boys in R&D figure out why her right eyebrow's an inch higher than her left one.
Back in Fox River, C-Note skulks over to the phones, wraps a piece of cloth over the receiver, and sighs heavily. His very young daughter answers his call; he smiles as she squeals, "Daddy!" Then she asks, "How are the camels?" C-Note: "Oh, well, the camels are, uh...the camels are fine." If looking a bit like disaffected inmates. She asks when she'll get to see C-Note and he replies, "Earlier than I thought." This is good news for both the little girl -- whom I'm just going to call Penny -- and for Bride of C-Note, also known as Mrs. Benjamin Miles Franklin. She is under the impression that she is a military wife and her husband is stationed in Kuwait. That C-Note is apparently pulling this off without difficulty? Either he married a moron, or his planning genius surpasses even Michael's. We see that she's playing with the postcards that he got in last week's episode, and C-Note tells her, "Your man is coming home this week…the orders just came down the pipe, the hell if I care where they came from. Only thing that matter is we're gonna get to see each other." He then continues to blow sunshine up her skirt with a story about how the Army's arranged all the transportation to the States. Then he asks to speak to Darius. The minute Darius -- who is also C-Note's brother-in-law -- hits the phone, C-Note strips away the cloth, along with all pretense of uxorious unctuousness. C-Note asks Darius, "Still driving that Escalade?" Darius shoots back, "Is Michael Jackson still white?" Heeee. Then the two of them begin chatting about the car.
Inside, Michael's dangling off the cell door, deep in thought. He finally mutters, "Okay." Sucre's understandably curious: "Okay, what?" Michael agrees to the escape. Sucre asks about Linc, and Michael replies, "I need a razor blade." He is the king of the non-sequiturs, isn't he? Within seconds, he's got the blade, he's sterilized it with a match, and he's slicing into his upper left arm, right above a stylized gothic inscription. I can't tell if it says "Feast" or "Toast." After some light bleeding and heavy wincing, Michael extracts a small pellet from his upper arm. I'm curious as to whether part of his tattoo tells the story of how his body was apparently okay with the prolonged insertion of a foreign object. Sucre is all wigged out. He's probably wondering what Michael's got hidden in his other arm. Michael stares, but not with his usual intensity. That's what blood loss will do to you.
Commercials. No, I don't think I will be using "Comcastic" as an adjective. At least, not in the way Comcast would prefer.
We get back to the prison, and the anti-death penalty activists have set up their vigil. Linc is still playing with the matches. Given how woodenly he's reciting the 23rd Psalm, it's a wonder he doesn't come with a "FIRE RISK: HIGH" sign nailed to his trunk. We transition to the chaplain finishing the psalm in Michael's cell. Both he and Michael are kneeling as they pray. Michael is looking unusually humble. The chaplain tries to be comforting and Michael's actually getting weepy. Then he hands over a rosary and asks, "Would you give this to my brother? It would mean a lot to him, knowing it came from me." Sucre comes back into the cell, looks at Michael reproachfully, and says, "That was my mother's." Michael's nearly back to his old self as he replies, "Tell her it saved someone a lot of pain." Sucre nags, "Do you know what you're doing?" By this time, Michael's completely composed; he says, "It's in God's hands now." (God: "So you expect Me to feel generous after you hoodwinked My employee with that rosary?")
Only THEN does Michael head to the clinic. Good thing cutting into your skin and bleeding all over everything couldn't threaten your help. Dr. Sara's sterilizing the area none-too-gently. Michael keeps his tone light as he says, "Feels like you've been the clean-up crew for me the whole time I've been in here. Toes, contusions, insulin shots." Dr. Sara doesn't even look at him as she says, "Well, somebody's got to do it." Michael's looking at her with less smugness than usual as he tells her he's grateful. Then he asks, "Did you ever think, that in another life --" "I won't be that woman, Michael," Dr. Sara says. Michael backtracks, "I wasn't asking you to be. But it is something I wonder about." I wonder about how you'd handle introductions: "This is my wife, the illegal alien stripper. And my girlfriend, the well-connected doctor." Anyway, Michael tells her, he wants to make sure it's out there. Dr. Sara finally looks at him as she asks, "Why do I feel like you're saying goodbye to me?" Michael smiles and plays dumb. A nurse tells Dr. Sara that once again, the clinic's been backing up while she dillydallies with Michael, so she makes to wrap this up. Michael grabs her arm, sliding down to her hand, and says, "Doctor…" She looks at their hands; he looks at her and says, in all sincerity, "Thank you." It's all very loaded with tension and whatnot, but would these two just get a room already? Michael walks off, leaving Sara to think, "Damn! Now I have to re-read Don't Do Life in the Prison of Love!"
As Dr. Sara leaves the examining room, a maintenance guy comes in, replaces a few things, and just happens to notice the grungy grate under the sink. Why, that's the grate in which Michael's been dumping caustic chemicals!
Then it's 4 PM. Sucre's looking like a little kid on Christmas Eve. He and Michael hug, and Sucre whispers, "Good luck to both of us." Then Bellick bellows, "PEEE! EYE! Let's do it!" At 4 PM? They work the swing shift now? What -- oh, never mind. There's no point in even asking. Team Escarpara heads to St. Louis, and T-Bag heckles Michael, who is just not into it.
Down in the Tombs, the chaplain visits with Linc. On goes the light, in goes the chaplain. He tells Lincoln that Michael's been praying for him, and Linc says with some amusement, "He must be desperate." Yeah, well, Mr. Desperation's the one passing on rosaries and you're looking for entertainment. Linc begins playing with the rosary after the chaplain leaves.
Outside the prison, we see that two more agents have been added to the mix. The lady posing as a reporter is Agent Tangrin. Michelle Forbes -- who has more or less made a career of playing no-nonsense women -- is the other one. She's chatting with Kellerman. (Which is a weird thing to write, because when Forbes was on Homicide: Life on the Street, she had this very dramatic and screwed-up romance with a detective named Kellerman. So now I'm steeling myself for a slightly doofy cop with an unfortunate habit of shooting people, as opposed to the not-at-all-doofy agent with an unfortunate habit of shooting people.) She tells him Agent Hale is MIA. Kellerman's all, "What do you mean MIA?" and Forbes snaps, "I think it was a fairly concise term." Oh, these two should just get together. This way, they can be snippy to one another and the Kellerman relationship streak can remain unbroken.
Kellerman then tries calling Hale's house, but Hale's not picking up the phone. He tells Mrs. Hale to finish packing; he's got to meet someone in Wrigleyville, and he'll be back to collect her later. Hale is not what you'd call a "strategic thinker," is he? Or perhaps he's just not very fond of his wife. I'm just saying -- if I had a partner who was always threatening to kill me, I wouldn't even let a house pet out of my sight, much less my spouse. Anyway, the be-sweatered Hale tells his wife he has to deliver a letter. She does not reply, "Honey, I know you work for the government. So does the post office."
Outside the prison, Veronica marches over to a TV news crew. Agents Forbes and Tangrin watch. They look very menacing. This is why I could never be a homicidal secret agent -- I appear so unthreatening, people routinely stop me to ask for directions. Anyway, Veronica soon catches the attention of one Angela West, news producer for Channel Six News. Jackpot!
Cut to Linc in his lighted cell, studying the crucifix. Not since our hominid ancestors regarded fire has there been such a concentrated effort to comprehend so much with so little. Lincoln finally notices that Michael's smuggled his little Arm Pill into the cross, along with a little slip of paper reading EAT 8:10. Lincoln struggles to remember whether Eat was in the Old Testament or the New Testament.
Inside St. Louis, Michael's breaking out the Blue Steel as he informs everyone that they're going to make sure P.I. doesn't shut down at 5 PM. Wait a minute -- they were rousted from their cells at 4 PM, it takes a little time to walk down and get the blue coveralls...isn't it already five PM?
Anyway, Michael soon pries up a piece of drywall and exposes a pipe beneath it. Used to his behavior by now, the rest of Team Escarpara just kicks back to watch. Michael sticks his hand out like a surgeon and says, "Hammer." Sucre hands it over, grinning. Michael begins attacking the pipe and C-Note's all, "Whoa, whoa, whoa -- what are you doing?" The pipe begins to spray.
Cut to an unamused CO looming over T-Bag. He's sitting on the floor, soaking wet, trying hard not to laugh. We then see C-Note, Michael, Sucre, and Westmoreland -- also soaked. Michael is the only one who's remotely successful at keeping his poker face on, which is why he's the one to explain to Bellick that they messed up and hit a pipe. "We should have turned off the water before we started," he adds unnecessarily. "Should've, huh?" gloats Bellick. Michael says, "It's not that big a deal -- we can fix it in the morning. I don't think mold should be a problem before then." C-Note hisses, "Scofield, shut up!" Naturally, Bellick wants Michael to keep going after this. He does: "You get drywall and insulation soaked like this, you run the risk of stachybotrys mold." Bellick's lips visibly move as he tries to pronounce the word to himself. C-Note tries to downplay the risk, and Bellick decides to show them all who's boss by making them stay until the whole place is dried up. Everyone's tremendously exaggerated protests fail to trigger any sort of alarm. Bellick snidely adds, "Don't catch a sniffle." Then he locks them back in.
The moment Bellick's gone, C-Note begins giggling. Westmoreland sticks out his hand for Michael to shake, and Sucre gives him an affectionate cuff on the back of the head. Aww.
Outside the prison wall, the TV news team is about to interview Veronica. Within seconds, Veronica's saying that Lincoln's been framed and that a lot of murders are tied to the frame: Leticia Barris, Lisa Rix, and Bishop McMorrrow, to name a few. Veronica tells the reporter, "I'm saying someone's trying to hide what really happened -- what the truth about Terence Steadman was." The reporter finally remembers that fact-checking and corroboration are part of her job, and Veronica assures her that "somebody on the inside claims they can exonerate Lincoln." The focus switches sharply to Madame Vice President. Kellerman's Dark Mistress says to him, "Someone's been talking." Kellerman looks unhappy enough to have just figured out that it was Hale.
Inside the prison, the guy who's the tech for the electric chair asks Pope and Bellick if there's a reason they're on direct current, since it's much more conservation-friendly to go with alternating current -- "You could kill a man with half the energy." And make Thomas Edison very happy in a vindicated sort of way. The techs check the chair. From the Tombs, Linc hears the buzz of electricity.
Commercials. Good God, how I loathe the holiday Lexus commercials where people are always surprising one another with luxury cars. I want to see the follow-up commercial where, the year, the giftee's all, "Well, it's nice, BUT IT'S NO LEXUS."
When we get back, Veronica's actually inside the prison. The guards open the door to Lincoln's dark little cell, and the poignant plinking piano starts up as she beholds her former squeeze sitting on the floor. She tells the guard, "I think you better turn these lights on, Officer." The guard snorts, "Look, lady, your client's being disciplined." Veronica proves that she finished in the middle of her class, and not the bottom third, with, "You're violating my client's Eighth Amendment rights. Now either you turn those lights on in the five seconds, or you're going to be the first defendant named in a lawsuit." The guard complies, muttering all the while, "When Dick Cheney gets in the White House, this won't even be an issue."
The lights go on, Veronica walks into the cell, and the door slams to give them some privacy. There's a long, long hug and Lincoln's all weepy as he asks if Veronica's okay. She is; she also assures him that LJ's okay. Face glowing, Veronica tells Lincoln, "I found someone who's going to talk...I don't know [who he is], but he knows things. I'm going to go meet him in a few hours." Linc gently tells her, "A few hours is cutting it close, sweetie." These two! They really do have that affectionate-exes thing going. Veronica tells him, "You have to have faith, okay? Nick's got a friend on the court to hear our case. And whatever Michael's doing, he doesn't need to do it now. We're going to beat this thing the right way." Linc is fairly skeptical. Veronica smooches him a few times, then tells him, "Don't give up on me. Promise."
Meanwhile, on the outside...guess who's come to visit the very pregnant, very alone Mrs. Hale? Even the background music sounds alarmed when the camera reveals Kellerman. Mrs. Hale is laughing awkwardly as she asks, "Paul, how are you?" He tells her he's fine. He's also attempting to get in the house, but she's blocking the door very effectively. Kellerman asks, "Where are you going?" Mrs. Hale tells him they're off to the Bahamas. Kellerman looks a little thrown for a moment, then asks with a little less levity, "Packing kind of heavily for the Bahamas, aren't you?" Mrs. Hale replies, "You know women." Kellerman replies, "...Yeah," in a way that totally implies the answer's actually, "...No." He then asks where Hale is, and the missus lies like an amateur with, "Running errands? I think?" Kellerman is less amused by the second; he asks where the errands are.
Time elapses. Linc bounces his head against the wall as he waits for 8:10. We scan to Michael doing the same thing. Sucre tells him it's 8:15. Michael continues to gently bounce his head against the wall. Sucre asks if he's okay, and Michael says he's not. That's okay. Lincoln's not either -- he's on the floor, writhing in pain between bouts of retching.
We get the second stretcher sequence, this time with Linc being wheeled to the clinic. Michael then checks his watch -- it's 9 PM. C-Note comes over and says, "Nine o'clock, Fish. Showtime. Let's go, man." Michael takes a moment so he can have a good stare in private.
Team Escarpara then heads to their hole. Westmoreland bolts the door. Everyone looks at Michael with varying degrees of apprehension, save for Westmoreland, who simply looks excited. Michael says petulantly, "See you on the other side," then slides into the hole.
Commercials. You know, it's too bad that I hate Jack In The Box because I adore the mascot. He's the Anti-Burger King and -- OH! MY! GOD! A miniseries with both Sam Neill AND Lou Diamond Phillips? How did this get made? I mean, without creating a black hole of suck? I have to go TiVo this immediately and find out.
When we get back, a considerably less bilious Linc is being told by Dr. Sara that: A) he's got food poisoning, and B) unlike most food poisoning patients, when he wishes for death, he can take comfort in knowing it's only 24 hours away. After Dr. Sara leaves, Linc looks over at the grate, which is now suspiciously shiny and new-looking.
Meanwhile, on the outside...down in Wrigleyville, Veronica's meeting up with Hale in a dark, sketchy alley. He comes over and says quickly, "We've got a lot to talk about and not a lot of time to do it. Your boyfriend -- he can still be saved. Burrows was chosen a long time ago, hand-picked to be an assassin. But he never pulled the trigger... Nobody [killed Terence Steadman]. Terence Steadman is still alive. There are three sheets of paper inside [this envelope]. You'll find all the names you need are on them -- everyone who started this whole thing from top to bottom." Veronica is so stunned, she forgets to say, "Why don't you hand over the envelope right now?" Instead, she stares. Hale sees something and tells her crisply to get behind the car right now. Veronica stumbles behind a dumpster, again forgetting to say, "And why don't you hand that envelope right over."
Back in the prison, Team Escarpara is scampering down the wide, clean pipes beneath the joint. C-Note and T-Bag manage to multi-task, what with simultaneously escaping and goading each other.
Sure enough, Darius has parked right outside the prison. His friend speaks for all of us with, "This is crazy, dawg."
Meanwhile...Kellerman's pulled up and asked Hale, "What are you doing here, Danny? Where's the lawyer?" Hale tries to play dumb, but Kellerman says that Allison (Mrs. Hale) spilled everything. Hale starts forward with, "You didn't touch her --" "Why would I do that? We're partners, right? We're on the same side," Kellerman says. Oooh, he's good. I mean, he's a magnificent bastard, but he's so good at it. Kellerman says, "Allison's fine. She's just -- well, I guess you're going to have to ask yourself who you want to give up: your wife, or this lawyer. Just tell me where she is." Hale's steeled for something and he tells Kellerman not to do this. Kellerman looks briefly regretful, then says, "Give me your gun." Hale tells him that's not going to happen, and all of a sudden, Kellerman's decided that they're not partners but boss-subordinate. Guess who's on the order-giving side of that equation?
Kellerman whips out his piece and orders, "Give me your gun." He goes over to the immobile Hale and opens his jacket to reach for it, but the letter falls out instead. Hale begins babbling, "Paul, it's nothing, it's not --" but Kellerman's not having any of that. He grabs the envelope, gets the letter out, and reads it. His gun's trained on Hale the whole time. Kellerman then looks up and says, "It's amazing. You got it all on only three pages. You know what would happen if this fell into the wrong hands?" Hale doesn't reply. He's too busy keeping his jaw firmly set. Kellerman keeps reading, then looks over at Hale, genuinely upset. His voice is almost tremulous as he says, "You named me?" Aw, baby. Come here. Let me make it all better. Just...just put down the gun first, okay?
It all goes pear-shaped from here: Kellerman's pissed that Hale named him, Hale points out that he put his family first, there's some shouting. On the verge of tears, Hale says, "Paul, you and me, we've been friends since the academy." Is that why you never took his death threats seriously? Because he's been making them since you were midshipmen? Kellerman pulls it together, says, "You named me." And then the camera pans back so we see only their figures in profile, and it looks like Kellerman just shot Hale in the head. Hale goes down like a sack of hammers. However, when we zoom back in -- first Kellerman's unhappy expression, then to Veronica's horrified one -- the camera rests on Hale, and not only is he still breathing, it looks like the bullet went through his chest. Given how bulky he was looking, I wouldn't be surprised if he had a bulletproof vest on underneath his clothing. I mean, he was wearing a bulky holiday-gift-looking sweater (seriously: this was the kind of sweater a woman gives her son in a subconscious effort to neuter him), but even the most odious gift sweater's not that bulky.
Inside the prison, Michael makes it into the supply room. He ties a rope to the shelves and tells the rest of the team to hop to. On the outside of the prison, Darius and his moronic gun-toting pal have their little "Honest, Officer, our vehicle just happened to die here" play closed down early due to critical reviews from two COs. So much for C-Note's plans for alternative transportation!
The last member of Team Escarpara -- Westmoreland -- is finally pulled into the storeroom, and he chortles, "I'm good! I haven't been this good in years." Michael grins at that, and then his face absolutely melts into gawping dismay. That segment of the pipe he was so clearly counting on to be eroded -- thus facilitating their passage from the storehouse to the infirmary -- has been replaced! Evidently, there's a cadre of full-time pipe-fitters able to replace a huge piece of drainpipe within four hours.
On the other end of the pipe, Linc is also discovering that shiny new pipe is not so easy to remove.
Michael hangs from the pipe, trying desperately to bring it down. Thinking quickly, Westmoreland brings him a length of steel tubing to use as a lever, so that the big pipe can be pulled loose. Before anyone can do anything, however, T-Bag shushes them -- there's a CO walking down the hall.
After he passes, we get some cross-cut shots of both sides trying to remove the pipe. It's all very tense and frustrating and all, but I have to ask -- Michael's somehow anticipated every other possible setback, and he's had plenty of time to familiarize himself with the storeroom. He couldn't maybe have stashed a wrench in the place, on the off-chance that he'd have to loosen some bolts? Or whipped up a little blowtorch using a can of T-Bag's hair mousse and some of those matches everyone's always playing with?
At one point, Team Escarpara's lever breaks and a pipe clatters to the ground. That attracts the CO's attention and he begins to head back to the storeroom.
However, the team's distracted by Michael. He sounds defeated as he whispers, "It can't be done. It's too thick. I'm so sorry." Michael sits down and says heavily, "We're not getting out of here."
And because Michael's day hasn't been sucky enough, what with having to slice open his own arm, and herd Team Escarpara through the pipes, and discover this new obstacle...that's when T-Bag whips out the shiv he's been hiding in his boot and waves it around at Michael. He snarls, "Unfortunately, Pretty, that ain't an option." Cut to the rest of the prisoners looking shocked -- shocked, I say! -- that someone's got a shank. Michael raises his eyes heavenward, then stares at T-Bag…
AND THAT'S IT. Aieeeeeee! The suspense! Can FOX maintain it until March? Will Team Escarpara turn into Team Carpaccio courtesy of T-Bag and his knife? Is Hale smarter than Kellerman thinks he is? For that matter, is Veronica smarter than anyone thinks she is? I guess we find out is three months.