Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Antigonish
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 18 | Aired on 02.05.2013
u shouldn't feel guilty about killing Cousin Nate."Emily: "Like I'm gonna tell everybody else on this show, shut up. I gotta go."
Emily: "Wait. Spencer, are you sure you're not going nuts? Because like, I don't know what happened with Toby exactly and every time we bring it up, you shatter whatever you're holding in your hand. But think about how last week Hanna saw Paige with a cute girl and assumed she was cheating on me, when it turned out she was just a Halloween Store employee from the webisodes trying to figure out who bought the Queen of Hearts costume..."
Spencer: "AND? Was it Toby? Were those Toby's man-hands wearing those fake acrylic nails? Because that is just one more thing I cannot fucking handle."
Emily: "Who knows. My point is that things are not always as terrible as they seem."
Spencer: "On this show, that is a patent falsehood. But still, you've given me much to go insaner about."
MONTGOMERY
Hanna: "So this brother, is he cute?"
Aria: "Shit yeah he's cute. Not only in looks but in every way, he's like the weird perfect mix of me and Ezra put together, kinda like how Superboy was Superman's kid with Lex Luthor and nobody ever notices how bizarre that is. It's hot, I won't lie. But he's kind of pretentious."
Hanna: "Ironic. Anyway, I have to go railroad Caleb into werewolf reminiscences. Give me those earrings so I can burn them."
Aria: "No. Still for no real reason."
THERAPY ANNE
Emily: "Thanks for letting me come to your temporary office."
Anne: "Thanks for trusting me with your mental health after I screwed you over a bunch of times."
Emily: "You're no more compromised than the rest of us. Hey, remember that girl who blackmailed you and was A? She's back at school. Wearing amazing outfits."
Anne: "My therapy can work wonders, it's true. Are you here to complain about that girl? Because I'm pretty sure we're being watched, and I don't want to end up just another pair of Tory Burches and a drinking straw, buried outside a barn."
Emily, verbatim: "You may have heard I killed a guy."
Anne: "I heard that you and a classmate were attacked by someone, the same person who killed Maya, and you defended yourself. Emily, what you did was incredibly..."
Emily: "Bitch, this is not how therapy works. Just shut it and listen. Because everybody keeps acting like I'm some big hero for stabbing that kid to death, and I don't really know that I agree. I snuffed out a life. Me, Emily Fields, the sweetest person in this town."
Anne: "Do you want to try hypnotism?"
Emily: "Uh, random."
Anne: "It's not just for revealing false memories of ritual satanic abuse anymore. We use it therapeutically so that you can examine and re-experience your trauma from a mental remove and dismantle the damage it's doing to you."
Emily: "Oh, well in that case go ahead. I am perfectly fine putting myself in an altered state and letting people I don't trust do whatever they want to me."
Anne: "How is Paige?"
SPENCER
Freaks out for a while, in various locations around her bedroom, and eventually agrees to give the PI five hundred more bucks to track down Lair 3.0. This episode is, in some ways, a mission statement about the whole show: You can't simply grieve, you have to make meaning. You have to deal with the ghosts because they're not going anywhere; you can do it on your time, but if you don't they'll come for you. True as much for Alison as for any of their ghosts.
Spencer's always had the least patience for emotions and dreams and visions -- the things this show is about -- so it makes sense that her trial or initiation or whatever would take this Slytherin shape: Like an autoimmune disorder, the show itself taking up arms against her to force her out, or change form. Peeling wallpaper, rooms that appear and disappear. The "real" world suddenly, violently wrenching out from under you, the second you find a place to stand. If she survives, she becomes her opposite, and she could easily end up stronger than even Hanna Marin, but right now it's just so brutal that it's hard to imagine her surviving at all.
JAMIE DOYLE
Is the relative hottie who is Petunia's brother and thus Caleb's uncle. He is helping them go through her stuff. It is crappy stuff and the whole thing is sad and takes place in a barn, which I guess is why Hanna has dressed herself like a farmer.
Caleb: "I am really not into this. Werewolf memories, tearing me apart."
Hanna: "I guess I get that, but you're being really rude to your cute uncle."
Caleb: "I barely know that dude. He took me to a few Phillies games and otherwise just left me alone with his bitch sister the squib. Once I got put in the system, I lost all contact with her seemingly endless number of siblings. We're only here now because my mom married well and has decided to get back in touch with various family members who did various shit to me."
SPENCER
Goes to the ATM to get some cash for the PI, and runs into Jason, yet another of the endless Rosewood parade of people who completely overlook the fact that she is looking ratchet as hell and keeps doing her Carrie White pyrokinetic head-cocks at everything.
Jason: "So the Liars are coming to the cemetery tonight at seven..."
Spencer: "Sounds fuckin' great. Let me know if there's a sex tape getting projected on anything."
Jason: "You seem awful crazy lately, Spence. Need I remind you that Ali was my sister and your best friend, making her basically your sister also, by the transitive property?"
Spencer: "The only sister I need is the Black Swan, genetics don't work like that. Even though I admit it's still intense how much you do look like if Alison and I had a child."
Jason: "Tell it to me straight. What is your problem with Ali's latest corpse issue."
Spencer: "You don't want to have this fight with me, Jason. Not now. I'll win, and it won't feel good for either of us."
Jason: "You mean fighting about how Ali..."
Spencer: "No, cocksucker, I mean an actual physical fight. You have no idea what's going on with me right now."
She heads off down the lane, things exploding and wreckage flying everywhere from her totally crazed rage.
WOLF BARN
Jamie Doyle: "If you find a copy of Mike Mulligan's Steam Shovel in there, I'll take it."
Hanna: "Word, that is like the best book of all time."
(Truth. To this day that book is the reason I only date blue-collar pre-war guys, such as Jamie Doyle here. And, yes, the occasional steam shovel.)
Hanna: "Jamie Doyle, what can you tell me about your brother, Caleb's father?"
Jamie Doyle: "Well, he's clearly me. Did Caleb inherit my emotional immaturity?"
Hanna: "No, living in the walls of a high school in the form of a wolf seems to have really made him a good boyfriend. He's tender and sweet, and usually cheery."
Jamie Doyle: "Not today, though. I'm glad meeting back up with his mom helped."
Hanna: "Hey, I'm a complete stranger but super nosy, so just go with me here. Did his parents love each other?"
Jamie Doyle: "They loved each other -- briefly -- but that father of Caleb's who is me, he said he needed space. She deserved better. Everybody did, especially Caleb. He's not somebody we need to mourn."
Hanna: "That's kind of harsh."
Jamie Doyle: "Think of it this way. Even if he did come back, when you leave people behind they keep going. Keep on having a life. You'd be meeting a new person and have to start from scratch. It comforts me to think it's usually true, that they don't really wait."
Ali: "Well, some of them. Others just go crazy, or date my stalker..."
Spencer: "Yeah, not everyb