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Apparently something has changed, because Jenna has decided to come out of the closet about her sightedness and throw herself a big birthday party in the bargain, with a Wonderland theme. (Red Queen, anyone?) Hanna must regret, because she's still flipping out about Caleb dumping her and because she gets roped into working at a rummage sale where Ashley picks up a total silver fox, and she finds the jacket Emily was wearing that night she went wandering the streets. Why is it in the donation box at the rummage sale, and how come we still don't know what happened between her run-in with Jenna and waking up at the gravesite? Well, it's the best part of the episode, so:
Emily decides to ask Paige out again, because that always goes so well, and gives her the flask she was drinking from That Night. She ends up having to work the Jenna party -- which is at the Brew, which yes, is the coffee shop where Toby lives, because Jenna is creepy -- so Paige comes along, accidentally roofies herself, and is such a hot mess you can't even believe it. Spinning plates, running sideways on walls like the Matrix, slam-dunking decorations, almost punching Jenna for no reason... It's glorious. It is glorious. And in the end, we learn that the flask is roofied, which explains Emily's memory issues, but that's not all...
Lucas spends the episode trying to get something out of this photo lab he just got fired from, which is owned by the lady Jenna's hired for the party, who is also Aria's old photography teacher. (Not to mention, Melanie Mayron basically played the Aria Montgomery of her time on thirtysomething.) So -- amidst a pretty great Ezria plotline about his money woes and her casual emasculation -- Aria figures out a way to take Lucas's job, get into the lady's studio, and locate... Three more of the same pills used to roofie Emily and now Paige. And where did he get them? Mona, of course.
Meanwhile, Spencer stakes out the hospital after A comes after Garrett's mother, just in case he's using her coma to pass information to the A-Team. After everybody on the show explains to her that this is how a sociopath thinks, she is of course proven right: He's using his mother's comatose body to pass messages to somebody else regarding a person named "April Rose."
All in all, worth it for the Ezra stuff -- he's got a new job, by the way -- and for Paige's utterly fantastic meltdown. However, a Wonderland theme? Please, it's Jenna Thing. More like Fangtasia!, or Lars von Trier movies. "Medieval Torture Scenarios." "Nightmares By The Sea." "Curiosities Of Taxidermy." This Wonderland shit is for babies.
week: The Liars set a trap for A! And it all works out, and the show ends, and everybody lives happily ever after, and Noel Kahn gets a spinoff.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!PREVIOUSLY
Emily's very sad drinking problem led to a midnight ride with Jenna -- who's still pretending to be blind for some reason -- but more importantly led to the Liars finding another shovel. The worst of all possible crimes. She is also forming a kinship with Maya's purported cousin Nate, which presumably will lead to even more pain and drinking. Lucas is going very nuts, but it's Hanna's secret visits to Mona -- and A's hit on his mother in California -- that made Hanna let Caleb dump her. Meanwhile, Spencer's mom is in cahoots with Garrett Reynolds, who may or may not even be a real problem but most definitely is the subject of Black Swan Melissa's affections in the here and now.
NOW
Aria: "I feel like it's my fault Caleb broke up with Hanna, and she's stopped eating."
Spencer: "I'm pretty sure it was because A tried to kill his mom?"
Aria: "No, I have a strong feeling it's all about me. Anyway, who wants pizza?"
Emily: "Not me, I just want alcohol."
Spencer: "I could use a massage to deal with all this stress. You know, because of how only terrible things happen to us every second of every day."
One million cops pull up.
Spencer: "Well, I guess they found out we found a shovel..."
Aria: "No, they're going to Garrett's house. I guess because of how he killed all the..."
Emily: "-- Nope, it's his mom. She's dying or something."
Aria: "Did you guys see that hoodie over there in the yard? It looked kind of familiar. Hey, doesn't that person who endlessly tortures you guys wear a hoodie sometimes?"
Spencer: "So I guess A put Garrett's mom in the hospital. Don't worry, though, I will still find a way to blame him for everything all the time."
THE STREETS
Ezra: "This coffee date where you managed to buy me like five meals is fishy."
Aria: "Don't worry about it, sugartits. Momma gonna take real good care of you."
Ezra: "I didn't think it was possible for me to be even more emasculated."
Aria: "So a teenage girl wearing underwear on the outside of her clothes bought you a few sandwiches, so what? What's the big deal, man? It's the '90s!"
Ezra: "I do have a savings account, Aria. I tutor the occasional homeless lesbian."
Aria: "Sorry. I just assumed spending my parents' money would bring you the joy it brings me. Hey, want to go to some horrible boutique and we can jack you up with some feathers all over you?"
Ezra: "I have a job interview. Not to be ungrateful, but I am really not grateful for these sandwiches. Which I will be taking. Farewell."
Aria: "Hey, is that Lucas freaking out on the street like a crazy person? I should probably not investigate further. Now drive me home."
Ezra: "But I said I have a..."
Aria: "Who buys you things?"
Ezra: "Sorry. Please, get in."
Aria: "Please get in...?"
Ezra: "Please get in, Khaleesi."
Aria: "That's my girl."
QUAD
Emily: "Hey Paige! Cute t-shirt. How's it going? Drown any hot chicks lately?"
Paige: "You've kind of been ignoring me since the Masquerade Ball. Remember, when your girlfriend was brutally murdered?"
Emily: "Yeah, plus I've had all these makeup tests. So listen, do you want to see the Katy Perry movie?"
Paige: "There is no reason to ever ask a person that question."
Emily: "This is one of those episodes where Hanna likes Katy Perry, not Bon Iver."
Paige: "Oh, okay. That always takes a second to process."
Emily: "So do you want to?"
Paige: "On the one hand, Katy Perry is the fucking worst and nobody should reward her behavior with money. On the other hand, I am your stalker and I don't have anything better to do."
Emily: "Great. I can't wait to jerk you around and then drop you instantly, just like the last fifteen times we went out."
Paige: "Yeah, the only thing that would make it worse is if you dumped me for a guy."
Emily: "Stay tuned!"
Paige: "Hey, isn't it great how Jenna can see again?"
Emily: "That bitch? I'll blind her again."
Jenna: "Hey, Emily. Just staring at you with my unsettling eyeballs, NBD."
Emily: "That's exactly the kind of shit I'm talking about."
MARIN
Ashley: "Hey, Hanna! Why are you at home in the middle of the day?"
Hanna: "Uh, why are you at home in the middle of the day?"
Ashley: "Sat there 'til noon, not a single old lady came in for me to rob. Came home for a little wine break. You?"
Hanna: "Just thinking about the time a zombie ninja tried to kill my boyfriend's mom so I broke up with him."
Ashley: "Okay, well, you're starting to smell. Hey, want to work a rummage sale tomorrow?"
Hanna: "Have we met?"
Ashley: "You can sort the dirty used clothing. You know, like what you're wearing right now. Which is, by the way, unconscionable."
I love this show because the LLs are so P that when you say something like, "Hanna is looking pretty busted today," it's still like, "With her luminous skin and perfect hair and fitted t. What a hot mess."
Hanna: "Whatever. I'm going to school dressed like this. People in public can suck it."
Ashley: "Normally this crap doesn't start until college, but okay."
Ashley leaves, Hanna immediately comes back inside to mope some more. For it was a ruse.
QUAD
Emily: "Whatever happened to Jenna's whole 'pretending to be blind' thing? It's like she's being dishonest by being honest. And getting applauded for it."
Spencer: "God, I hate that she can see."
Emily, out of nowhere: "Yeah, I'm going to beat her ass."
(No lie, Spencer physically restrains Emily at this point.)
Spencer: "Anyway, did Aria text you? She saw Lucas freaking out at a photo lab near where they saw him wandering the night that time, and additionally she knows the photographer of that lab, of course. Being the world's preeminent photographic artist, Aria is quite well-connected in the photography world."
Emily: "Let's speed this up. You're saying that Lucas might have been the one to take those six thousand pictures of us at the gravesite that time?"
Spencer: "Yeah. So also, in other-other news, they're letting Garrett out of jail to see his mother before she passes away."
Emily: "What? That is bullshit. His mother ought to die alone!"
Spencer, spitting rage: "Yeah, it's called 'compassionate furlough.' Do you believe that? Welcome to Obama's America."
Emily: "What the fuck has Garrett Reynolds ever done to deserve compassion?"
Spencer: "We are just off the chain today."
Emily: "I didn't get a furlough from my misery. I didn't get to say goodbye to Maya before she was killed by somebody who may or may not be Garrett. I have no power and no voice. I am imploding in on myself like a dying star."
Spencer: "What if A injured Garrett's mom so that he could get out of jail?"
Emily: "That makes zero sense. Literally, that makes no sense whatsoever. I completely co-sign it."
Spencer: "Don't look now, but The Flute is on her way over here. With envelopes."
Emily: "Of what?"
Spencer: "Anthrax, probably. Hey bitch, what do you want?"
Jenna: "Ladies! I was just coming over to invite you to my birthday party! Pass these invites along to Aria and Hanna, okay? Really hope to see you there."
Spencer: "Hey Jenna, remember how we agreed to keep your blindness secret so that you would be safe? You are kind of ruining that deal."
Jenna: "New deal. I feel a lot safer when I'm in charge of what happens to me."
Spencer: "We could be such good friends. If you weren't always raping my boyfriend, I mean."
Emily: "Do you think there will be a shit-ton of booze at this party? Just curious, no reason."
THE TALON
Hot Hipster Boss Kevin: "Emily, you know that party you were invited to, at the same time as your date with Paige?"
Emily: "Yeah, I'm not going to that. I hate that girl. That blind awful girl."
Kevin: "By the scarf around my neck, you will be working that birthday party. The theme will be coffee, I guess. Her party planner appears to be gifted director and actress Melanie Mayron."
Emily: "Who? I only know about Twitter."
Kevin: "She's great. She basically played the Aria Montgomery on thirtysomething."
Emily: "Yikes!"
Kevin: "Yeah, the '80s were pretty brutal."
Melissa Steadman: "Hey, I'm a photographer or something."
Jenna: "Lady, this is my best buddy Emily. She's really happy I'm not blind anymore. Could you get us some decaf? And close that curtain to protect my eyeballs?"
Emily: "Yeah, but only so I can eavesdrop."
Melissa: "Anyway, I fired my assistant. He was always setting fires and bashing up memorials and getting thrown out of boats."
Emily: "...What are the odds?"
Melissa: "Luckily, I still have the negatives of these pictures he took. They may or may not be pictures of some little girls standing around an open grave. Edgy stuff!"
Cousin Nate: "Emily, I have urgent news! Garrett is getting out!"
Emily: "He'll be handcuffed the whole time, and like I get why you're mad, but stop yelling in public."
Nate: "No, I do not approve of compassionate furloughs!"
Emily: "Girl, listen to me. I agree with you, but you need to shut up. Got me?"
MONTGOMERY
Spencer: "Wait, you bought him groceries? He's not actually a baby squirrel, he just looks exactly like one."
Aria: "I am Robin Hood! I take from my divorced parents and give to old unemployable child molesters!"
Spencer: "I've been there. Remember when I bought Toby a truck? Trust me, these arrangements never work out. When you treat him like a baby squirrel, you're taking away his nuts."
Aria: "What did you just say to me? What is even going on with us today."
Ezra Text: "omg jenna invited me 2 bday party - wants 2 see her fave teach 4 1st time lol"
Spencer: "That would normally be really touching, but it's Jenna, so we hate that."
Aria: "My God, what a devious birthday web. What could she be planning? And how can you be writing a paper while these epic events that affect me are taking place?"
Spencer, for real: "Don't be silly! I'm not writing a paper, I'm hacking into my mom's email to find out the terms of Garrett's supervised release."
Aria: "God, you're insane. I love it."
FIELDS
Paige: "So apparently in 2012 you can reschedule movie tickets. It's as simple as picking up the phone. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were changing clothes in front of me for some reason."
Emily: "I'm distracted by this party."
Paige: "I know, right? I'm so excited that a blind person can see."
Emily: "I don't have time to discuss your naïveté right now. I have to learn how to operate a clip-on necktie, the easiest piece of clothing since Uggs."
Paige: "I don't understand them either, for some reason. But how sexy for me to try."
Emily: "Back up off me, chum. I have some things I'm dealing with."
Paige: "Did you know Jenna and I were lab partners one time? She scared the shit out me. Hey, what's this random flask doing in your armoire?"
FLASHBACK
Emily remembers that she sometimes drinks.
FIELDS
Emily: "Oh my God, a flask."
Paige: "Is it yours? It's nice."
Emily: "If by 'nice' you mean 'makes you take long car rides with blind bitches and dig up graves,' then yeah."
Paige: "I hope it doesn't have roofies in it, because I'm about to drain this little guy."
TALON
Jenna: "Thanks for all your help with... Whatever it is that you're helping me with, Melanie Mayron."
Melanie: "No problem. I'll have your party planning or picture booth or catering or whatever it is that I'm doing for you ready to go by tonight."
Jenna: "That's some nice art, Cousin Nate. I love art these days! I can finally 'see' what all the fuss is about."
Cousin Nate: "Are you hitting on me?"
Jenna: "Hard."
Just more Noel Kahn for the rest of Rosewood, from where I'm sitting. Go for it.
HASTINGS
Spencer: "Why are you dressed like yoga?"
Hanna: "I have lost my damned mind, Spencer. Come on."
Spencer: "So Emily's working that party, you're dressed like a shut-in, Aria has no idea what's going on... Doesn't it seem likely that we're all going to end up at this party?"
Aria: "Hey Hanna, why are you dressed like yoga?"
Hanna: "Plus, okay, plus I have to work at a rummage sale. It's all going down the shitter, girls."
Aria: "Emily just told me that Laurel Tuckman is going to be shooting Jenna's birthday party, at which Paige will also be in attendance if the roofies don't get her."
Hanna: "Wait, who's that? Are you name-dropp..."
Aria: "-- Yes. She's my photographer friend, that played me on thirtysomething. I have a lot of older friends in various industries, because of being so precocious. Anyway, she fired her assistant because he was always falling out of boats and..."
Spencer, streets ahead: "Ah! He took pictures of us at that grave, didn't he?"
Hanna: "Wait, what? He is a 98-pound weakling. He did not dig up that grave."
Aria: "He's tall enough to reach the pedals on a backhoe..."
Hanna: "Speaking of Jenna, let's talk more about Jenna. Like, is she A?"
Spencer: "For the last time, they are all A. Everyone on this show is A."
Aria: "And why is Garrett coincidentally being released the night of this party?"
Nobody: "Because his mother is dying? It's not a vast conspiracy... Oh, wait."
Spencer, awesomely: "What is the purpose of this party? To what end, these festivities? Is it really to celebrate Jenna's newfound sightedness and her birthday, or is there some other hidden meaning? Getting us all in the same place like some kinda Gossip Girl pigs-blood scenario?"
Hanna: "Well, I ain't going. Not unless there's a bean-bag room where I can just lay around feeling awful forever."
Aria: "I'm going. I am going to that party."
Everybody stares at her forever, because Aria doing one goddamn thing is a sure sign of the coming Apocalypse. Ariagnarok. Möntgomerdämmerung. The Feathered Serpent of the Fifth Sun.
RUMMAGE SALE
Hanna: "This is the pits."
Ashley: "You would have been miserable either way, think of it like that."
Silver Fox: "Hey, I'm gigantic and hot. How do you feel about philanthropists?"
Ashley: "Anything but architects. Listen, I just came back to check on my daughter and steal from the snack table at this homeless shelt..."
Silver Fox: "Yeah, I don't care about any of that. I'm just gonna be adorable until you date me."
Ashley: "You'll be surprised how that works out, I wager."
Silver Fox: "I'm Ted."
Ashley: "I'm Ashley. Or, as you'll think of me in a few months' time, 'Crazy Ashley.' What's your opinion on drinking large amounts of wine at all times?"
EZRA FITZ PIED-À-TERRE
Ezra: "Oh, what now? Stashing yet more food in my fridge?"
Aria: "No, I just want to get dinner with you out of the way so we can hit that Jenna party together."
Ezra: "I made us dinner reservations in New Hope! I've been selling my plasma and CDs all day to cover the cost!"
Aria: "I don't remember authorizing that. In fact, I'm pretty sure I told you how tonight was gonna go down."
Ezra: "But you hate that girl!"
Aria: "Exactly. Or I used to, until you talked some sense into me. You've always been my moral GPS. I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do."
Ezra: "My favorite song of all time! You are too much."
Ezra: "Hey, I got you a present."
Aria: "Is that... Is it wrapped in a grocery sack? Is that a reference to the most horrific thing we ever perpetrated together? What kind of poor-person bohemian hell have I gotten myself into?"
Ezra: "It's some kind of ancient pretentious camera. I sold all of my belongings to buy it for you, so I would feel like a man again."
Aria: "Well, this is one way to make our relationship more complicated and interesting."
HOSPITAL
Spencer follows Garrett through the hospital, giving Emily hilarious bitchy color-commentary the entire time.
Spencer: "He finally picked some flowers for his stupid mom in her stupid coma... He's moving his lips while he writes a note for them..."
Emily: "Why would he do that? They can't read. Also, she's in a coma."
Spencer: "Clearly it is a mysterious message to another person. Clearly."
Wilden: "Hey, Spence!"
Spencer: "Gotta go, it's the fuzz. I guess I should have been less conspicuous!"
Wilden: "I mean, I get it. He killed like several of your friends. But the other part is, show some class. His mom's in a coma."
Spencer: "I'm not even here to spy on him, that was just bonus extra. I am here for [stuttering lies]."
Wilden: "You used to be a much better liar."
Spencer: "Yeah right, because I've always been so cool under pressure."
PARTY
Paige: "Hey Emily! I was so busy picking out my lesbian hat I forgot to bring a gift... What are you staring at?"
Emily: "Cousin Nate, who is also wearing a lesbian hat. Everybody here is wearing a lesbian hat, actually. This is some kind of weird party, huh? Hats, coffee, a Christmas tree, giant mushrooms, a wall of snowglobes..."
Paige: "...All taking place in near-absolute darkness, yeah. Well, maybe it's just approximating the chaos inside her mind."
Emily: "You'd have thought the theme would be, I don't know. Spiders. Fog. Ticking clocks somewhere you can't see. Trees without leaves. Scary rustling noises. Water dripping upwards, in defiance of physics."
Incidentally, that's exactly how I always imagined sex with James Franco.
RUMMAGE SALE
Hanna steals a jacket? Not sure why -- is she reverting, or is it a clue, or...? -- but Ted catches her and it's embarrassing. She pays for it, and asks where the box came from so I guess it's a clue. I don't know, she'll explain it in a second... Yup:
Hanna: "Emily, I just found your grey jacket from That Night. Didn't Spencer burn your clothes like she burns everything? In a cleansing fire? Call me back!"
PARTY
Emily: "Nate, why are you even here? Are you undercover too?"
Nate: "No, I'm just into Jenna. She was all over me."
Emily: "Don't talk to that bitch. She will ruin you."
Paige: "What is Emily doing talking to that guy? I better go insane one more time. Good thing I have this flask full of roofies with me."
Jenna: "Ezra! I recognized you even though I've never seen you before."
Aria & Ezra: "Happy birthday, I guess."
Jenna: "I'm just going to stare at you for a while with my eyes, okay?"
Ezra: "That seems normal to me."
Aria: "Is that Melissa Steadman from thirtysomething? She's like my best friend, sooooo..."
Jenna: "Yeah, I hired her -- instead of Aria here -- because she's an adult professional."
Aria: "Ugh. You are the worst."
Laurel: "Aria! I had no idea Jenna had so many, um, friends."
Aria: "I just wanted to say hi and tell you about this amazing pretentious camera my boyfriend got me for emasculating him."
Laurel: "That camera sounds great! When I was in high school I had to make do with a pinhole and a light bulb. That's what cameras were back then. You'd grab a light bulb and a pin, if they weren't rationed that week, and just go to town. Literally into town. With an orange in your pocket. Sell some pictures for a nickel."
Aria: "Wait, are you saying that intensely expensive-looking vintage camera was expensive? And that you're looking for an assistant? Can I be your assistant?"
Laurel: "Yeah, do you by any chance want to go through Lucas's shit, too?"
Paige: "Is your boss as bothered by you flirting with that guy as I am?"
Emily: "The fuck are you talking about?"
Paige: "I don't know. I'm high on roofies, and already crazy to start with, so I'm just kinda winging it."
Aria: "Can we talk about some things?"
Paige: "That's fine, I have to go anyway. This rainstorm isn't going to get run over on a bicycle by itself."
Emily: "Paige, what on earth..."
Aria: "You wanna see weird? Check this shit out."
She immediately pours half a glass of birthday punch on Laurel's equipment, and then both Emily and Aria make the same WTF face at each other about what Aria just did.
HASTINGS
Spencer's texting the Liars about her abortive attempt at prying into Garrett's compassionate furlough when Toby shows up out of nowhere, hair all crazy and straight-up like Dylan McKay.
Spencer: "We talked about this lurking, Toby. Why aren't you at your sister's birthday party? Just kidding."
Toby: Kisses her without prelude, and somehow she can taste that he is sad.
Spence: "Oh, what's wrong?"
Toby: "This is just my face, my face is just like this. But also, the whole point of getting that sad efficiency above the 'Brew' was to get away from my family, and..."
Ah. Got it. There really was more to it. Also, the Brew. So we're going with that. Cool.
Spencer: "Wait until she leaves Rosewood forever, and we'll throw a rad party. But uh, I can't really make out or ask about your hair, because I have to learn French."
Toby: "Okay, cool."
Spencer: "Why do you think that nobody else wondered about Jenna's blindness?"
Toby: "She's been building this narrative since she got home about how she was slowly regaining her sight, and that she was keeping it a secret so people wouldn't feel bad for her if it went away."
Spencer: "That is such a lie! She is such a fucking liar! I feel so bad for you, being her brother and everything."
Toby: "You know what turns me on? Talking about how my sister rapes me."
Spencer: "Right, sorry. My bad. Now, let's learn some French. If you know what I mean."
PARTY
Paige: "All this alcohol at this party full of underage kids is making me act weird and crazy!"
Ezra: "Thanks for ditching me with Jenna back there. Anyway, let's go to dinner."
Aria: "Okay, I just have to ditch you some more first."
Jenna: "Hang on, that roofied lesbian is dicking around with my cupcakes."
Paige is acting full-on insane and sticking her fingers in Jenna's cupcakes and then she yells at Jenna and then she tries to dance with Emily and then she just keels the fuck into a giant party decoration and it is amazing. It is one single Robert Altman unending spiral into a hot mess abyss of the trainwreck and the spectacular.
Paige McCullers, you do not disappoint.
HOSPITAL
I can't believe at the beginning of this episode I was like, "I miss the good old days when Paige would show up and act a mess." I actually thought that to myself, "I miss when you could count on Paige to do the craziest thing possible in any circumstance." Showed me, show. You showed me good.
Hanna: "Where's Paige?"
Emily: "Getting stitches, just like every time she's on this show."
Nate: "I may or may not be Maya's cousin."
Hanna: "Cool, I'm wearing clothes today. So wait, we're here and Spencer isn't?"
Emily: "She got spooked by Officer Josh. Hey, why do you have my jacket from That Night? Didn't Spencer burn it in a cleansing fire, like always?"
Hanna: "No. Even though this makes no sense, now suddenly we're saying that you lost it between getting roofied at Spencer's house and waking up at that grave. So probably you left it in Jenna's car or something."
Emily, for real: "I think the other Liars are right. This A has an agenda."
Wh-- What? You think maybe A has an agenda of some kind? Your jacket turned up at a rummage sale so now you think there's an agenda? Pray elaborate on this theory.
Hanna: "If it was Jenna's car, though, she would have given it back to you. We're friends with her now, kind of."
Emily: "Yeah, or else I lost it during those literal hours between my short ride with Jenna and when you guys woke up?"
Hanna: "Well, whatever. Back to the rummage sale for me."
Nate comes back, right on time, with coffee; Emily spots Wilden and then either sends or receives a text about him being there? I guess? I was too distracted by her giant purse. You know my feelings about that.
PARTY
Ezra sits at a complicated tea party table -- this shit has everything! -- and watches Aria zooming around doing more and more complex shifty behaviors. This baby squirrel ain't having it. Back in the back, Hot Hipster Kevin informs Aria that Emily is fired and goes off to do her job for her, because of how her ex-girlfriend just transformed into a whirlwind of crazy and needed immediate stitches.
Ezra: "Aria, I have had enough! Enough tea, enough tiny cakes! What is this party even about?"
Aria: "Just go sit quietly for ten more minutes while I rush around not really doing anything."
Ezra: "You are doing this to stall! Because you don't want to eat this meal!"
Aria: "Well, no, but since you mention it, you don't really have to prove anything. Especially now that I know how pathetic the whole camera thing was..."
Ezra: "I GOT A JOB TODAY! YOU FORCED ME INTO IT!"
Aria: "Oh, I'm so happy for you!"
Ezra: "Don't you patronize me."
They work it out. And then finally Aria can stop farting around, because Laurel finally notices that her memory cards have party punch poured all over them.
Aria: "Give me your keys to your studio! I'm your apprentice now!"
Laurel: "That checks out, sure."
Ezra: "The more annoyed I get, the cuter I become. What an uncomfortable thing to realize about oneself."
Aria: "No, just wait for one second. I just have to do one spy thing."
TUCKERMAN STUDIO
Aria's so busy confirming that Lucas was the fired guy, and stealing his negatives, that she doesn't notice a shadow or an A running around all over the place. When she comes out, Lucas totally menaces her and tries to get her to let him into the thing. Right before Aria is forced to beat his ass, Ezra drives up and Lucas runs away. It's awesome.
HOSPITAL
Nate: "So is Paige... Did you date her? Before or after Maya?"
Emily: "Kind of both? In the middle? I don't know, she just kinda turns up from time to time."
Spencer: "Emily, forget Nate and Paige. We gotta see what Garrett wrote on that card in his mom's bouquet."
Nate: "And I, meanwhile -- and presently -- will be fucking Garrett up."
He shoves past like three cops and tries to beat up Garrett. It's kind of embarrassing. But while that's going on, awesomely, Spencer grabs her moment, jumps on the elevator, and skates by everybody. That was tight, Spence! Well done.
Paige: "Hi Emily. Sorry about acting insane like always. Good news is, you roofied me."
Emily: "What?"
Paige: "Yeah, he was like, 'Did you leave your drink unattended, or...'"
Emily: "Oh my God, flashback."
Paige: "Yeah, so here's your flask with roofies in it. I gotta go. My hot dad is going to love this one."
UPSTAIRS
Spencer: "Hey, Coma Lady. We all got problems. Now, about this bouquet..."
Card: Mom. You never gave up on me; I won't give up on you. Love, Garrett.
Spencer: "Either I'm an asshole, or this is still code. I'm going with B, as is my God-given right as a lunatic."
...Not so fast! Hidden underneath Mrs. Reynolds's hospital bracelet is a second note, also in Garrett's handwriting, which reads "April Rose has the proof." So she was kind of right, but kind of wrong, but in the end she was right. Shocker there.
AFTERMATH
Aria: "Ezra's in the shower, and bitchy as hell, so I'm looking at the negatives before he comes out here to be annoying some more."
Emily: "Cool. While you're doing that, I'm looking up those roofies I gave Paige. It says on the Internet that my memory loss was due to them, duh, and that they are used on aggressive inmates as well as mental patients that live in an adrenalized hyperreality."
Aria: "In related news, I just found some of those same pills... In Lucas's film canister!"
So I guess he got them from Mona at Radley, and then dosed Emily That Night? Maybe. It would definitely explain why he was so hot to get back in the studio, besides whatever crazy Spencer theory about the shovel pictures. It's just, I keep thinking the A-Team is going to be more people than Mona and Lucas. Due mostly to the fact that Mona and Lucas only ever talk about the A-Team at all times, and nobody else ever does. You know what I mean?
Mona: "So anyway, there are a bunch of us acting on orders from the Red Queen, which is the code name for Alison's..."
Person: "-- I'm just way more interested in talking about my love life right now."
Lucas: "Yeah, we're all being blackmailed and controlled by a central authority with ties to the DiLau..."
Person: "-- Whatever, just tell me why you're being so grumpy lately!"
Mostly, for an episode that seemed like it was going to be all about Jenna, this episode was not very much about Jenna. But that's cool.
A-TAG
A goes through a giant Santa Fe-looking purse in a very manic way. Its contents: A bus ticket, a pushpin or something... An Altoids case with the front scratched off, like for pot... An old-lady billfold, containing that one picture of Emily...
Oh, ha! I wasn't even making Maya jokes! That's amazing. Even when you don't know it's Maya, it's Maya. Anyway, A has Maya's giant crazy-person purse, including some prescription or another of a different medication than the one we were just talking about.
WEEK
The Liars set a trap for A! And surprise, it goes differently from how they think it will!
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Bunheads, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, and novelette "The Commonplace Book" will appear on Tor.com in October 2012.