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Amazing! Both as a good (and quite well-written) episode of television, and also in terms of a bunch of game-changers happening pretty much non-stop.
Hanna lets Caleb talk her into going on a double-date with Lucas -- his own idea, of course, because he's scared of girls -- which ends up being held at her house, for some reason. Hanna eventually decides to let Lucas go, to the extent that she engineers him getting together with that girl Danielle, and eventually he's so touched by her selfless friendship that it inspires her to take therapy seriously.
Which works out both ways. On the one hand there's an amazing scene where she confronts the ghost of Alison and has a total breakthrough -- from the body stuff to the grief stuff to the fact that Alison was a gross bitch, which she never quite managed to figure out on her own -- but then on the other hand, somebody goes apeshit in Therapy Anne's office afterward, making Hanna look way crazier than even she ever was.
Aria's moderately happy that her mom has taken over Ezra's classes, but would be a lot more excited if her bitchy little bro Mike were onboard with their family slowly knitting itself back together. Unfortunately, he has a Bluetooth now and is thus beyond saving. (If this mess somehow involves Noel Kahn, all will be forgiven.) Meanwhile, shirtless Jason DiLaurentis makes it clear that he's interested in her, so watch for that drama to play out.
Emily admits to Samara (whom, it turns out, doesn't suddenly go to Rosewood) that she wrote the fake recruiter letter, but leaves out the part where A brought it back from the dead because she's still feeling guilty about it. Samara flawlessly insinuates herself into Emily's mom's affections, and even gets her to back down on becoming so invested in the offer: After all, other schools will soon be knocking, and you don't want to scare them off. Smart girl!
But the big news, of course, is Spencer's deal. After spending most of the episode spinning her wheels and acting real crazy, she gets Wren to take Melissa to visit Ian so the Liars can follow and find out if he's alive. And then, shockingly enough (at least to me), it turns out that Ian's been alive and sending those texts... But just as recently as today he shot himself in the head, leaving behind a creepy suicide note where he admits he killed Ali.
On the one hand, I guess she can stop looking for that wedding ring -- which A's run off with anyway -- but on the other hand, it probably sucks to see your fiancé and babydaddy lying there with a hole in his head. Still, that's what you get for being so mean to Spencer all the time.
week: Ian's funeral is held (in the church where he died the first time, awesomely) and we deal with the fallout from the murder suddenly getting solved -- including Spence taking the measure of her own crazy behavior -- as the Pretty Little Diaspora continues.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Alison and Ian asphyxiated, Wren medicated, Emily impetrated and prestidigitated, Hanna overcompensated, Aria matriculated and Spencer prevaricated. Also she stole some shit.
ACROSS THE TRACKS
While the Liars wander around outside the pawn shop dressed like the crazy hos in the "Love Is A Battlefield" video, Spencer produces a shitload of money out of nowhere and comes back for her sister's ring. Sadly, the pawn shop guy or A or somebody have switched out her ticket, and now it's gone. The guy offers Spence a horseshoe instead -- frankly, she needs all the luck she can get -- and A sends them all a mean text about it.
Because text messages come from God, they all stare into the sky, and guess what's there: The big glasses from The Great Gatsby, eyeballing them from a billboard. Since all of them are too busy spying on people and stealing shit and getting murdered all the time to do their required reading, not a single one of them gets the reference. Not even Hanna, who frankly should be paying attention to these, since she's the one that got voted Most Likely To Get Run The Hell Over.
But it's especially depressing given that The Great Gatsby is literally the only thing they have ever studied in school, at any point in the entire show. Fitz would be so disappointed. On the other hand, I'm sure Aria's showing leaps and bounds of improvement in vase- and bong-making over at college.
MONTGOMERY
Ella (!) produces blueberry pancakes to show that we are back to normal, but Mike is not having it. Aria turns this conversation about a mother's estrangement from her own son into a jeremiad about a girl's pretend estrangement from her own friends. (Actually, I'm done making that same joke over and over because obviously the point is that they have no supervision and could get caught at any time -- and, as it turns out, this is finally a plotpoint. Plus, more Ella equals more joy for everybody: Because yeah, in Ezra's absence, Ella's the new teacher of Rosewood High's renowned baccalaureate course of study, The Great Gatsby: A Year-Long Symposium, which means she's going to be well-meaningly up in everybody's business even more than before, and will thus be privy to the Liars' ongoing and unendingly weird behavior.
HASTINGS
Spencer: "Going somewhere? Why do you have your passport?"
Melissa: "It's Ian's. I need it to make an insurance claim on that ring."
Spencer: "I hope your ring turns up."
Melissa: "Fuck you for hoping I find my ring. This is about my missing husband!"
Spencer: "Apparently I... Walked into that one?"
Melissa: (Is still the worst.)
MARIN
Ashley: "Heads up on a therapy situation."
Hanna: "Oh, like how it's stupid? You finally figured out I will never be healthy inside my mind?"
Ashley: "No, dear daughter, the opposite. Surprise shocker, but you're the only one who's ducked out of every single solo session."
Hanna: "Let's just watch Intervention and then talk about it as a family. Same diff."
Ashley: "Good one, but no. After school, you're going to therapy."
Hanna: "I hate addressing my one hundred mental problems! What a drag!"
FIELDS
Emily: "...Yep. That damning letter is still in my desk."
Pam: "I have more surprises! A mysterious box of Danby paraphernalia! Mugs and crap, you know. Probably it's from the people."
A: "No, clearly it's from me; probably it is poisoned or has rat blood on it."
Pam: "Somebody must really want you at that school!"
Emily: "'Somebody' wants my ass dead, actually, but maybe that too."
QUAD
Lucas: "That date you scored me is killing my mind and I'm crushed out and weird."
Hanna: "It's not like you could get dorkier. Don't stress it."
Lucas: "No, I'm quitting this dating thing."
Hanna: "Lucas, I bet you'd be great on a date."
Lucas: "I would feel better on my date if I brought everybody I knew. Double date, with you and Caleb?"
This: (Is not how dating works, unless you are zeroing in on the fact that you are gay.)
Hanna: "Everything in me is screaming that this is a terrible idea -- which is usually enough for me -- but then times the fact that Caleb will be there. Think he'll grovel?"
HALLWAY
Ella: "Aria, leave your friends that you're not allowed to hang out with and come chat."
Aria: "Obviously you want my feedback on how you are at teaching The Great Gatsby. I am accustomed to giving all my teachers helpful feedback."
Ella: "Actually, how awful. No, that's..."
Aria: "Frankly, I give you a B+. I wouldn't sext you, but I might think about holding your hand."
Ella: "Just give this thing to your sassy brother who won't talk to me, and also the rule about not hanging out with your friends anymore extends to, um, hanging out with them. Sorry we weren't clear."
That's my girl. I knew Ella would eventually notice, if anybody did. Ella Montgomery is on the case. Now, just locate Noel Kahn and you'll officially be my favorite person on the whole show.
LUNCHROOM
Lucas: (Suffers a lunchtime crisis of confidence w/r/t Danielle.)
Hanna: (Sighs, watching Lucas be a total Lucas.)
Caleb: "Hey Hanna! This double date is going to be a total bloodbath, huh?"
Hanna: "You're looking freshly showered. Let's say you take point on this one. I know you know how to talk to girls because of that one time you did me in a tent."
Caleb: "I don't think you're clear on how arrested Lucas's latency actually is. Did I mention we sleep in bunkbeds? And play with toys?"
Hanna: "Mona's always trying that shit with me."
Caleb: "Hanna, we have to do this. He's like our little hermaphrodite baby."
Hanna: "Your dreamy eyes are making me agree with you."
Caleb, zapping her with sex werewolf vibes: "Try this one, it's new."
There's a point late in My So-Called Life where Jordan is trying to get Brian to do something for him, and he shoots Brian so hard with sex eyeballs that it's shocking, and of course Brian totally rolls his eyes and gives in. It's not even gay, it's barely even sexual, this moment, but in some ways it's the smartest thing that ever happened on that very smart show, and definitely my favorite scene ever, because it's such a true thing about how guys -- how people -- are, with each other. I mean, it's not like they're going to start blowing each other or something, it's just like Jordan opened up the glowing briefcase from Pulp Fiction and moonblinked him, and then Brian's like, "Argh, fine, dude. Yes I adore you and yes I will do this thing, just... Put it away."
Anyway, that's what Caleb is like in this episode -- or how Alison was at all times in her life -- just crackin' that baby open wherever it'll do the most damage. I bet he's got Lucas doing his laundry by now. Over Caleb's shoulder, Lucas spazzes in a general way and flees.
Caleb: "So it's a date then?"
Hanna: "It is not a date -- except for how it's a date -- but yes, we will be his wingpeople."
Caleb: (Watches her go; idly shoots sex vibes into the crowd at random.)
HOSPITAL
Wren: "Spencer, why are you at this hospital? I thought the last time I molested you in the bathroom was the last time I'd see you, especially after your sister affianced herself to that other pedophile. Come into this weirdly green area of the corridor and tell me stuff you shouldn't be telling me about the mysterious things I gave your pregnant sister. Or whatever you feel like is burdening you."
Spencer: "Well, for starters Ian actually tried to kill me. Also, I am just 100% bugshit crazy right now. I am as crazy as I get. I am about to lose it. Check out my eyeballs."
Wren: "Intense. Come with me again into an even more oddly lit location. Okay, I gave her 'meds' and 'supplies,' in a vague way."
Spencer: "I think he lives under Jason's yard now! That's close to my house and also every other location on this show!"
Wren: "No, you're right about everything. Ian was hiding from even your sister after the ghost-ninja strangulated him, and said he couldn't tell her what was up until she brought him 'meds' and 'supplies' of an undisclosed nature. I only helped because I feel bad about molesting you into sending her back to Ian, who is even creepier than I am. If it changes things, I didn't give her all the 'meds' she wanted -- some of that shit was Schedule C."
Spencer: "Help me work this out or I will get so intense you'll cry just from me looking at you."
Wren: "I can't help noticing that any time I associate with either of you girls things get real bad real fast. Even though I'm so super British and thus above reproach."
Spencer: "Oh, that's about to happen anyway. I could break you like a fucking twig."
Wren: "I've told you all the vague things there are to tell you. I must anon."
THERAPY ANNE!
Hanna: "Stare at me all you want, lady. Dissociation's the only thing I've ever had."
Anne: "Did you discuss therapy with your buds?"
Hanna: "Oh, we're not hanging out. Remember?"
Anne: "Come on, girl. It's healthy to compare notes."
Hanna: "Then why can't we talk to each other?"
Anne: "Okay, look. I am here for one reason only. To help you fix yourself. You have got a metric shit-ton of stuff to let go of. Doesn't that sound at all pleasurable? Being a person?"
Hanna: "Okay, like what? What have I got to let go of?"
Anne: "Fear, guilt, anger..."
Hanna: "I have so much of those things. You would be amazed how pissed I am. Because I am a fucking lunatic, dude."
Anne: "No doubt. So let's talk about Alison? She's still a factor. All of these things come from her."
Hanna: "Yeah, she's fucking me up on the regular. It's not like I have a say in the matter."
Anne: "Nobody has ever told you this before, but you are totally the one driving this car."
Therapeutic Idea #1: Have a conversation with Imaginary Alison, sitting over in that chair.
Therapeutic Result #1: Hanna bounces, obviously.
Oh, and at some point in there Anne cracks a joke about how the longer you stare at a clock, the longer time seems to take. Seems like a throwaway line; it is not.
HOOPS
When they're not trying to rape or murder you, boys play basketball and construct other elaborate rituals to touch each other. Aria, looking for Mike, stumbles upon a wealth of hot half-dressed young people who are not Ezra. One of them is Jason.
Random: "Aria, as it turns out Mike hasn't been playing basketball with us for months."
Jason: "Hey, Aria. I couldn't help notice you staring at my total hotness."
Aria: "I don't know where my brother is. Probably writing punk songs about how our mom is a bitch."
Jason: "Or maybe he's freaking out and spacing on all his memories, like when I was in high school and a member of a family even more fucked up with the Cavanaughs."
Aria: "That happens in Rosewood a lot, that amnesia thing. Other places not so much."
Jason: "By the way, I always had a crush on you."
Aria: "You bought my pretentious high school attempts to be fascinating?"
Jason: "Wholeheartedly. You should dye your hair pink again. It made clear you are an easy target."
Aria: "On the one hand, you are Rosewood's new Boo Radley and might have people buried in your yard who may be alive or dead and I have spent the last one thousand months nonstop talking about Ezra Fitz and zero other stuff. On the other hand, you have no shirt on."
SWIMMING
Samara: "Hey, I was just chilling with your mom and she told me you got into Danby and I thought, you know, that I could come visit you all the time at college."
Emily: "Oh dear."
Samara: "You don't want to go to Danby? Or, just to leap to bizarre conclusions, you don't want me to visit you at college because you suddenly want a lesbian divorce."
Emily: "Neither of those things. It turns out that I am running a recruitment scam."
Samara: "That's pretty nuts, you."
Pam: (Totally amazing.)
Emily introduces Samara to her mom, who figures out after a second who Samara is and is super sweet about it, eventually overextending to the point that she invites Samara over for some dinner/Skype with Mr. Fields about Emily's many achievements.
Emily: "Just don't wear trousers or talk about being a registered voter. Last time my girlfriend pulled that shit, my mother had her murdered by Christians."
Samara: "At least this way if your natural Emilyness screws up everything and you tell them you forged the letter, your mom won't get angry, because I'll be there."
Emily: "That's a whole lotta If, little lady."
HASTINGS
Spencer's parents are still MIA, and she sarcastically reads their note on the door -- whence? -- about how she needs to take care of her sister and not seduce any boyfriends or steal any rings or accuse any murderers or anything until they get back.
Out in the barn, Spencer finds a quite full-packed suitcase by the door which contains bras, 'meds,' 'supplies,' shaving cream, and Ian's passport. Melissa gets out of the shower, so Spence quickly zips it back up and runs for it. Melissa's creeped by this, because Spencer is being creepy. Even Spencer is possibly starting to notice how creepy she's being.
MONTGOMERY
Aria and Spencer discuss how Ian is probably on the run, definitely not at Jason's house, and Melissa is probably going to run away soon considering how hard her life has become, what with Spencer always up in her shit. Will Ian hurt Melissa? How crazy is it that A) That's a question you can ask, and B) That's a question that is not answerable.
Aria caresses a family photo because Mike is missing, and then there is an intruder, who is of course Mike. Who has a Bluetooth, which proves that he is now Trouble. He won't tell her where he's been going, and when she presses him he won't answer, and she threatens to tell, and he threatens to tell about how she's hanging out with the Liars all the time. Nice! Aria tries to get Mike onboard with the idea that life is going to be okay one day, blueberry pancakes and whatnot, and Mike just acts all coked-up some more and leaves her there.
MARIN
Caleb and Hanna have set up a pre-movie creepshow where they serve Lucas and Danielle snacks and hide in the kitchen clearly discussing them. It is astoundingly awkward. On the other hand, it might actually work: At least Lucas and Danielle have their skin-crawling behavior to discuss. (Not to mention the thread in this episode about how Hanna's so terrified of being alone that she spent the year after Alison died being friends with Mona, and is now throwing nerd parties at her house.)
Danielle: "This would be more fun if Hanna weren't in the kitchen staring at you the whole time and constantly intruding with more and more snacks. My theory is that she is still into you, and only brought Caleb to make you jealous. She is meangirling me, and has set this whole thing up to get both boys."
Technically, this is not true. But in practice, it's not untrue, either. The circumstances are more complicated than that, sure: They always are. But it illustrates how, nine of out ten, the road to Mean Girl is paved with unclear intentions. It's rare that a person, even Alison, knows they're being a bitch when they're being a bitch. Usually they're lying to themselves just as hard about how it's a good idea. Plus, even more often than that, the boys aren't even the point. It's usually about power. And nobody needs power -- now, or ever -- more than Hanna Marin. If she could add Mona to this salad she might actually have the balls to go back to therapy. Or, if it works, then she's proven to herself that she is an awesome person and she'll go back anyway. I hope it is the latter, because Hanna is the greatest, but I worry because she's also the weakest.
Lucas: "Well, now that you mention it, I'm still jealous and kind of loving the idea that Hanna still wants to keep me as a pet. If I weren't still slightly obsessed with her, why would I move her boyfriend into my bedroom?"
Danielle: "I'd be jealous too. It's okay."
Lucas: (Squirms.)
Danielle: (Has fucked herself.)
FIELDS
Emily and Samara enjoy an old scrapbook on the bed, giggling, and when Pam arrives Samara totally works her shit about the fine art of scrapbooking. It's amazing. She brings up the homemade jewelry thing, shares some self-effacing anecdotes about the perils of glue guns, compliments Pam's skills... It's awesome.
So awesome, in fact, that it sends Pam into this sort of ecstasy of scrapbooking and she starts talking about how she wants to make a recruitment scam scrapbook and put all the forged letters and lies of tuition offers in a big fluffy binder and maybe she should get the recruiter guy on the phone and glue him in there too.
Emily: "Okay, enough."
Samara: "Oh shit."
Emily: "Look, the truth is..."
Samara: "-- The truth is, I don't think Emily should commit this easily. Lots of schools will want her, and you can't jump on the thing right away. My dad's a recruiter for Yale and owns the Harvard swimming team and is Michael Phelps's coach, and this has given me -- a child -- the working knowledge of this system to assure you that setting your heart on Danby is not the answer. Play the field, Mrs. Fields. Don't scare off other scouts by double-checking your daughter's huge lie."
Okay, kind of in love with Samara. This whole episode is notably perspicacious, psychologically speaking -- lots of higher-level manipulation and therapy and mental dynamics are coming out to play -- but watching her work Pam is a thing of beauty. If she were just impressing the mom that would be a little too perfect, but it's the way she does it that makes it so fun. She's like the anti-Maya. She makes me miss Brenda Chenowith in this episode. (This whole episode makes me miss that show, actually. A compliment indeed.)
MARIN
Like okay, like this amazing scene: Lucas comes running up to Caleb and Hanna while Danielle's in the bathroom and manages this amazing hat trick. First, by blowing it up about how Danielle thinks that Hanna's "still" crushing on Lucas -- which she denies first as a thing that is still happening, and then remembers to deny that it ever happened -- he asserts a certain amount of territory/history that Caleb and Hanna have to acknowledge.
Then second, he brings it back to the idea that he's going to be shamed at school for reaching above his station, which is a Hanna weakness that's always been a central thread of their relationship. But then, he looks her right in the eye and goes, "I guess I was silly to think that I could let go of who everybody thinks I am and just be who I am." Which, as a continued point-scoring as far as the reasons they shouldn't be together is pretty easy, but then he has no way of knowing that that's pretty much exactly the work she's doing in therapy.
Caleb and Hanna discuss how yes, their hermaphrodite baby would be so much better off if he didn't care what other people think, and Hanna -- awesomely -- gets everybody out of there alive so fast, by putting Caleb's arm around her and snuggling up so that Danielle, by the door, has no choice but to grab onto Lucas's hand.
Whether Hanna's gaming them or not, it's a pretty strong declaration that clears her mind and moots the question: Either way, Hanna's just pushed it beyond the mean game level. So now Lucas and Danielle, just like that, become a couple, and just like that, they all have plausible deniability that Hanna could ever have had an ulterior motive. Caleb, of course, loves it -- and loves even more how she shoves him away and stalks off once their ruse has worked its magic, because Hanna is awesome, and she's clearly almost done punishing him for leaving anyway.
(I thought I was done even thinking this, but thank God Mona wasn't there. You know exactly what she would have done to detonate that shit.)
SPENCER: STILL ACTING NUTS
Spencer watches Melissa pack her car and, since there's now a time limit, heads over to the hospital so she can get Wren to call Melissa yelling about how Ian might have a staph infection, which he'll only treat if he can see Ian face-to-face. Melissa still doesn't know where he is, for some reason, so she's going to find out and then take Wren, and of course Spencer will follow them and be spooky and probably try to hock Ian's staph-infected ass so she can buy a jet-ski.
This whole thing is so confusing I feel like it's worth just letting it lie there for now, or at least until the end of the episode, because obviously Spencer's only getting this intense about it as a buildup to finding out the shocking twist of whatever is going on with Ian, so there's no use overthinking it until we know what that is. I think. As happens every week this season, just the thought of Ian and Melissa and Wren tangles up my brain.
At least now we know -- don't we? -- that Jason, the Jason Thing, is not connected to the Spencer/Ian mystery, so that simplifies it a little, but I still as a recapper get a little nervous when I think I'm missing something. Even on this show, where usually the more confused you are the better it turns out to be when it's done. Maybe Spencer really is losing her shit and I'm just unable to process the concept that she is losing her shit because you gotta have heroes.
MARIN
Lucas comes by the morning, and Hanna is super cute with him, and he thanks her for being amazing last night and praises her for being a good friend -- not a mini-Alison, not the user she can be -- and he's so very sweet and it's so very touching that she runs straight to Therapy Anne!
One tiny taste of sanity and ol' Hanna's on it like a carton full of cupcakes and a fifth of vodka. Love it.
MONTGOMERY
Byron: "I exist, okay?"
Aria: "Provisionally, sure. I'm glad our family is kind of a family again."
Mike: "I will do absolutely anything I can to screw that up."
(Blackmailing occurs w/r/t to the Pretty Little Diaspora.)
Byron: "Can I take you to school?"
Mike: "I have to go deal drugs or whatever weird shit I'm doing."
The Bluetooth makes me wish fervently that Mike's secret is that he is a day-trader, like a Boiler Room kid, and that he's spending his schooldays up Gordon Gekko's pantleg, and that's what's really going on. Wouldn't that be amazing? If that were the form his rebellion took?
Montgomerys: "I can't believe you were skipping school just to get your Series 7!"
Mike: "Second prize is you're fired, Mom! Always Be Closing!"
THERAPY ANNE
Hanna: "Perhaps there is something to the Talking Cure."
Anne: "Thanks for validating my profession."
Hanna: "The deal is that we all did things to make Alison love us, but me most of all because I was fat and hated myself the most."
Anne: "She sounds like a bitch."
Hanna: "To paraphrase the books on which this series is based, it's not the whole story. She made you feel magic. She negged and propped while peacocking or whatever."
Anne: "Okay, start there. Not to me, to the empty chair where Imaginary Alison resides."
"Alison. You were the best friend I ever had. And that meant a lot to me. You meant a lot to me. But you were also the worst enemy I ever had. And I can't believe it took me this wrong to realize that."
Anne: "Very good. How would Alison respond?"
...BITCH TOTALLY DOES!
Imaginary Alison: "Well, look at you! All independent and in touch with your feelings! I bet you're pretty impressed with yourself right now, aren't you?"
Hanna: "Uh oh."
Alison: "I'm proud of you, Hanna."
Hanna: "Don't care."
Alison: "Of course you don't. Today. You've got Dr. Do over there ready to pat you on the back for talking to an empty chair."
Hanna: "Technically, this little exercise in active imagination demonstrates that I don't need either of you."
Alison: "Well, you need somebody. Low self-esteem leads to Hefty Hanna. Wasn't that covered in Mona's class?"
Hanna: "I have other friends. Real ones."
Alison: "Well. You have what I gave you."
Alison: "You think your three gal-pals will be with you forever? Newsflash! You're already losing them. They're gonna move on, Hanna. And you're not. And you know who you'll be left with? Me. I'll always be with you. I'm the only one that can make you happy. The only one that'll tell you the truth. I'm the only one that you can count on."
Hanna: "Then I would rather be alone."
Alison: "You won't last a week!"
Hanna: "At least I'll be alive."
Alison: "That was way harsh, Ty."
Hanna, essentially: "Look. You can't reach into my life anymore, not unless I let you. Fear and anger and guilt and grief are all terrible on their own, but your death meant they all got tied together in a big sloppy bow, and it suddenly occurs to me there's no need for that. My grieving and guilt are not actually connected to my fear or my rage, no matter how many mean text messages I get. You're actually gone, and all this shit with A meant never having a second to let that be real. But it turns out you're actually dead, and all your power over me is gone, and I thought that letting that go meant I didn't love you enough, which meant all the good things would go away too. But no. I am just incredibly over missing you."
Anne: "Wow!"
Suddenly A Much Healthier Hanna: "Okay. I see your point."
THAT IS SO GREAT
I mean, it's not like you come to this show for stark realism, but that was so well-played. When you break the girls into basic Jungian typological functions, Hanna pulls the Sensation card, which means always you have a corresponding blindspot in your Intuition, which usually means bad dreams and religious trouble and weird premonitions.
So to see Hanna actually engage in a therapeutic experience (involving, note, scary warnings and a lot of shadow back-talk; exactly what Hanna would actually experience in this environment) and then come out the other side having gained a fair measure of control -- over the Alison we've all got in there, that speaks for her troubles; itself a major reason they all loved her was that she embodied those energies for them -- is itself fairly therapeutic to watch.
You don't think of Hanna as being the heavy lifter, generally, but that was hard work. It even brings the whole therapy-avoidance thing in, because of how you resist the most right before you break through to something. I don't think this particular move is necessary for the other girls -- although Spencer's going to need something similar just because her rage is so controlled/uncontrollable -- but it's the truth that of all of them, Hanna missed Ali the most and has the most to gain by saying goodbye.
You think that letting go of grief is going to be this sweet goodbye thing and the person floats away into the clouds and a tear rolls down your cheek, but if it were that easy you would just do it. Grief counseling works the same no matter how you felt about the person, obviously, but the toughest ones are the ones that are both, because it's not a quiet sad cloudy tear, it's a burning acid storm.
The hardest ghosts to give up, the ones we hold onto the longest, are the ones that hurt us the most, because they're knit the furthest down into our bones; they hold on strongest, jealously clinging, when it's time to go. When you love somebody, that's about them, but when somebody abuses you, that's about you, so your memories of them are more powerful than they ever were, because it's part of what makes you who you are. Letting go of somebody you both hated and loved means doing major surgery on your own self, burning off the parts that don't work without losing anything you should keep. You can do the easy part after the hard part. This was the hard part.
It's not like anything Alison said wasn't true, although she was exaggerating a tad. But hearing her say it -- the worst things she could possibly say, all at once -- makes everything else that much easier. Because she is dead, and she is gone, and Hanna's still alive. Well done.
SCHOOL
Emily: "Okay, wait. Do you or do you not go to this school? For somebody who doesn't go to this school, you sure do come to this school at odd hours."
Samara: "For the record, I have been driving across town for each of our scenes together. That's not weird, is it? Anyway, it was really nice psyching out your mom last night!"
Emily: "What's awesome about your huge lie on top of my huge lie is that you were totally right, and my mom knows it, so maybe it doesn't matter."
THERAPY ANNE
Comes into her office, later that night, and it's been ripped to shreds. Second-most notably is the smashed clock, c.v. her earlier joke with Hanna. First-most is the bloody letters on her wall staring down like a billboard ad for glasses:
NOSEY [sic] BITCHES DIE
Speaking of, how's Spencer doing? Oh, just staring out the window waiting for Wren to call once Melissa has called him once Ian has called her.
Wren: "Melissa knows where Ian is! But there's more..."
Spencer: "I'm on my way!"
Wren: "But Spencer what I'm about to say is super importa..."
Spencer tosses the phone on the bed and takes off because she's been waiting up there, knocking back black espressos, since the sun came up. Didn't even go to school, just sat there scratching Ian's name into the walls and furniture the entire time and thinking of other shit of her sister's she can sell.
MARIN
Hanna gets Spencer's SOS text, but before she can spring into action Ashley comes home lookin' like she, too, has just seen a ghost. Apparently Occam's Razor suggests that it was Hanna who destroyed Dr. Anne's office, and not a dead texter or serial killer who has the entire office and city and world bugged.
Now, does this mean that Hanna is crazy as shit, or just regular crazy? And more importantly, did Hanna mention anything about the time Ashley killed that old lady for her money and had sex with the cops and kidnapped a fake architect?
Hanna's point -- that she's literally on her way out the door to find out and possible put a stop to all of this -- is not really comforting, because Ashley only thinks her secrets are the biggest secrets. Doesn't make her wrong, just makes her worrisome.
Meanwhile, Therapy Anne is appalled to hear that there are no signs of forced entry, despite nobody else having a key. Which might end up helping with that whole Occam's Razor issue, come to think of it. I love rooting for Therapy Anne to be helpful, even though I know she'll probably end up getting killed for it.
SCARY LOCATION
The Liars follow Wren and Melissa to this barracks warehouse place in the woods where cell phones don't work and obviously little girls get murdered constantly.
Emily: "We should take a picture of Ian with our phones to prove that we're not lying."
Spencer: "Not lying about how we saw him die? Yeah, that'll help. Turns out telling people what is going on never works out in our favor. Let's get that tattooed on ourselves like Memento so week we'll actually remember it."
Aria: "I hope he doesn't shoot us with a gun, or a staph infection."
Spencer: "I hope he is dead, strangled, in jail and on fire."
They watch from about a billion miles away as Melissa lets herself into the haunted house and Wren stands around. Spencer looks hot climbing through the fence, and then they hear Melissa screaming her ass off, so they all come running. And what's going on now? What's Melissa's goddamn problem this time? What, Ian's not there? He got something on her cashmere sweater and then disappeared again? He's having devil babies with some other child-lady? Lunchbox of himself creepin' on youngsters? Doing dope with Jason DiLaurentis and hurling girls over banisters? Digging up a yard, be back soon? Nope. Ian's in there, all right.
Having shot himself in the fucking head!
I killed Alison. I losT my Temper because she knew Too much. BuT There's only so much you can bury. IT won'T be That easy, but [scribble] I know how To geT rid of The pain. I can't [scribble] run from The law. Come and find me. -- Ian
A-TAG
Oh, the horseshoe from the pawn shop was from this barn also, which is creepy. A grabs Spencer's purse out of one of the cars while the Liars and Wren and Melissa freak the hell out about everything -- Melissa's so unspooled she actually accepts a hug from her sister -- and stashes Ian's cell phone in there, simply because Spencer is so permanently framed that it never hurts to add a little more chaos on top.
Wow. So yeah, great episode! Hanna fixed up Lucas and her Caleb stuff, then had a therapeutic breakthrough, and then it looks like she went psycho on Therapy Anne. Aria figured out her brother is up to something telecommunicative, got a new Great Gatsby teacher, and noticed that Jason's fine as hell, if you're into his whole type. Emily's swim team problem got simultaneously better and worse, and Pam loves Samara pretty much. And Spencer enlisted Wren to follow Melissa to Ian, who ended up shooting himself in the pedophile brain. I mean, if the body's still there week. I wouldn't put anything past Ian or A.
week: Ghost Alison begins appearing to random freshmen, critiquing their outfits and guessing their BMIs. Ian's suicide note and crime scene somehow still end up indicting both Toby and Spencer, because welcome to Rosewood. Noel Kahn waltzes into Lucas's relationships with Danielle and Hanna, Pied Pipering everybody over to his house for a beer blast that turns into a foam party free-for-all. Pam and Samara get so into planning the upcoming lesbian wedding that Emily starts smashing the good china. Mike Montgomery joins a gang of roving street toughs led by Jenna Cavanaugh. Ezra proves disconcertingly open to discussing the idea of a threesome.