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A mysterious Spencer flashback reveals that home was not a particularly safe place for Alison. Of course, Spencer can identify: Melissa's continuing to creep about (and possibly forgetting parts of their childhood), their parents are still gone despite a record number of awful things happening to their daughters over a couple of weeks, Jason might be harboring Ian door, and mysterious assailants could be jumping out at you from anywhere at any time.
Her solution, which indicates she's not operating at full capacity: Hock Melissa's wedding ring, buy Toby a truck, and get them both out of their unnatural sister-situations forever. In the end, we learn that Melissa's been sneaking out to see Wren (!), not Ian -- which could mean it was never Ian's baby at all and thus is not Of Satan.
Aria's first half-day at college involves Jackie Molina immediately figuring out that her ex-fiancé is dating a child, and then ending up in a Ceramics class with Creepy Jenna Cavanaugh, whom you might remember as the girl Aria and her friends 1) set on fire, 2) blinded, and 3) beat up later in the bathroom.
Aria pretends her name is "Anita" so Jenna won't get creepy on her, but Jenna ends up making friends with the Anita cover personality, breaking down in front of her due to the burden of blindness, and generally showing a good deal more vulnerability and heart than we've seen... And then, inevitably enough, Aria takes all of five seconds to screw that pooch, putting Jenna back on the offensive.
No word on Mona or Noel Kahn this week, but I'm sure they're fine. Off being A, one imagines, or killing everybody. Planning one of those festivals they have in Rosewood at all times.
When Hanna's not sabotaging her father's relationship with his new fiancée, the better to help Ashley seduce him back into their lives, she's attempting to help Lucas find love. In both cases, she really couldn't tell you why she's doing it -- my theories, of course, feature heavily the fact that Caleb "Shake Off & Air Dry" Cyberwolf is now living at Lucas's house, using his shower, taking him camping -- but it's fun, and sweet, to watch her attempt to help people for once. Yes, it's going to suck when she manages to betray Lucas yet again, but on the other hand, maybe he or Emily -- or both -- will get to go on another drunken tirade about it.
Speaking of Emily, she comes thiiiiis close to sending the fake recruiter letter to her mom, trying to keep from moving to Texas, but at the last minute -- after a sweet It Gets Better conversation that might choke you up a little -- tears the letter to tiny little crisis-averted pieces. But never fear: A has no intention of letting her prey escape Rosewood, and reengineers the letter herself, so now Emily's got the whole family on board with fraud she didn't even mean to perpetrate.
I guess the lesson learned is, being glad that A was leaving Hanna alone this season meant overlooking the implication for everybody else. Because if good old Emily becomes A's new creative-torture target, this show is about to get a hundred times darker.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Oh, previously. Lots of Emily swimming and lying and pretending she was going to get recruited by this college. Melissa's fiancé fell in love with Spencer, as per usual; she's now sneaking around at all times bearing much news of devil babies and zombie lovers. Aria lost her shit about Jackie Molina sixteen times and her boyfriend was like, "This relationship with a teenager is so immature." Ian is possibly alive, despite his strangulation, and maybe living in the yard of the girl he killed. Jenna and Garrett have a Jason Thing they've got going on. The Liars are still technically broken up, but not very good at it. Oh, everybody's house continues to get broken into and they're all just like, "Darn it, again?"
AT THE OLD MOVIE OF JEKYLL & HYDE I THINK
The Theory Now: Jason is hiding Ian in the old DiLaurentis house, which explains Melissa's constant creeping and Aria's bizarre idea that Jason is building fences to keep dogs from discovering him.
Spencer: "Jason is a wastoid from way back. Taking in creeps is something they do. Ask Hanna's mom."
Aria: "It's going to be hard spying on Melissa when we can't even hang out, like at old movie theatres, such as what we're doing right now, and also all the time."
A: Lurks, the film burns out, he comes running with a flashlight directly at them.
Liars: Scream, can't find their shoes.
IT WAS JUST A DREAM
Spencer: Wakes up on the Hastings couch getting molested by Melissa.
Melissa: "Don't mind me, I was just looking for my ring, which I left in the cushions of this couch because of water weight. Devil babies make you retain like a mother."
Spencer: "You know what this reminds me of is getting molested by each and every one of your boyfriends."
Melissa: "Don't be gross. It's very important that I find this ring. Zombies take the sacrament of marriage very seriously."
Spencer: "Can I answer the phone for you? I love answering your phone and staring at you all the time and being up in your shit."
Melissa: "Keep looking for my ring, I have to go have sketchy convos."
Spencer: "Cool. Talk in a low murmur at the top of the stairs while I stare up in the night looking absolutely gorgeous, okay?"
Melissa: "Like anybody could have a conversation on this show that you can overhear. Unless you have Jenna Cavanaugh Daredevil powers."
Normally I don't believe that pretty = dumb or pretty = evil, because I myself suffer under the burden of stunning beauty, and I know I'm not dumb and probably I'm not evil.
But Alex Pettyfer, he makes me wonder.
THE GREATEST HOUSE IN ROSEWOOD OR ANYWHERE
Ashley & Dad: "We were just giggling sexily and having some coffee."
Hanna: "Gross. You can never take me to school, that's Mona's job. She's kind of my dad now."
Dad: "I would like to be your dad."
Ashley: "I would like that too. And my husband. It is cold out here in the real world, where cops feel you up in lieu of doing their jobs and fake architects impersonate other architects and they all reliably vanish in the middle of their own storylines."
Hanna: "Why were you guys all giddy and giggling?"
Ashley: "Reminiscences. Your grandmother once rearranged my living room."
Hanna: "That's his new family's problem. Stop buying his favorite creamer."
Ashley: "Grownups. Grownups do things like this. Like buying creamer and bitching about in-laws and cheating on their fiancées."
Hanna: "This is a last-chance grab at your ex-husband and I refuse to be a part of it."
Ashley: "I am in denial about almost every single thing in life."
Hanna: "Generally, I approve this strategy."
SCHOOL LOO
A nervous girl leaves Hanna washing her hands alone; awesomely, the other Liars come busting out of the stalls once she's gone, all at once. It's a beautiful moment.
Liars: "It's so hard not hanging out, even when we hang out all the time talking about it."
Spencer: "Emily, you need to A) moisturize and B) stop defrauding everyone."
Emily: "No, I'm committed to defrauding everybody. Also my mom thinks lesbians like rodeos."
Liars: "Don't they?"
Emily: "That is not the issue."
Aria: "Cool, I am taking class at Hollis U, where Ezra and Jackie Molina teach."
Liars: "It's cool when stalkees become stalkers."
Aria: "We'll see what happens. I'm sure to sail through it without embarrassing anybody or myself with my entitled antics and sudden rages."
Liars: Pretend they're hanging out with other people and not just themselves like always.
Spencer: "Meanwhile, up in everybody else's business... Are you and Mona shoplifting again?"
Hanna: "I am going to say no."
A scary lady comes in looking like she was either a witness to, or is about to perpetrate, a murder; the Liars scatter.
LIFE WITHOUT FITZ
Spencer: "Toby! I thought you were going to get your GED, why are you here?"
Toby: "More paperwork. I'm still not a student."
Everybody: Staring daggers at them, because they killed everybody.
Spencer: "As a high school student, I pretty do much what I want during my unstructured weekdays. Let's have coffee and do some shopping or something."
Toby: "I have a new job, I can't. It's majorly sketch so I don't want to talk about it. Okay I'll talk about it. I'm doing carpentry on Jason's house, building a fence to keep Ian from escaping."
Spencer: "You know how I feel about Ian, and this is technically about Ian. Why? Because everything is always about Ian."
Toby: "I need dollars, Spencer. To escape my sister's clutches. Here is a picture of the truck I will drive away from her."
Spencer: "You can build the fence, but that's it. No going inside the house."
Which... Put a spy in there, Spence. Come on. If Jason lets him do the work then Jason doesn't consider him a threat, and in fact they were both close to Alison and Jason might let something drop. I know that Toby is not like a spying wizard, but it will bring you closer together. And it's one of the few things you can pressure him about where he'll go along with it, which will make you feel good because you are a control freak and you know that Toby does better under supervision.
Plus, once he gets enough money to move out, you'll have somewhere to go when your parents are out of town and creepers are standing outside every window of your entire house and Melissa's got 136 awful things happening at once and people are coming back from the dead to molest you and you're having oddly expository dreams that are exactly like real life.
LUCAS!
Hanna: "Lucas! You still exist! And I have no friends! Do sit."
Lucas: "Can't. I have a date with Caleb. At the hardware store."
Hanna: "I am uncomfortable with this. Confused and uncomfortable."
Lucas: "I moved him into my house, into the walls of my house. We're going camping this weekend!"
Hanna: "Heard that one before. I need to put a goddamn stop to this. Consider yourself aggressed. I'm going to befriend you like Mona would, which is to say bluntly and terrifyingly."
Lucas: "I'll try to fit you into my schedule. I noticed you don't have friends anymore, and I can identify with that. From when you were my only friend. Who still bullied me."
Hanna: "Yeah. It's like I got run over by a car called psychotherapy."
Lucas: "I guess you can hang out with us. With me and our werewolf boyfriend. Just the three of us. I don't see that getting awkward."
HOLLIS
Aria, complete with hipster rooster feathers: "I hate my student ID! This is the level I operate on. Now that you're not statutory raping me, I have to focus on the big issues like my constantly getting beat up by shadowy strangers, and these haunted text messages, and my dead friend. And my student ID."
Ezra: "You do look thuggish in it, but I like it."
Aria: "I was getting thuggy thinking about you and your hairless body."
Ezra: "I missed you so much. Holding hands."
Aria: "I love holding your hand. God, this is hot."
Jackie Molina: "They have stepped it up to kissing. I am going to mess everything up! Leaving you at the altar in Italy is nothing compared to what I'm going to do."
Jenna: "I've got it covered, Jackie!"
Jenna is in Aria's pottery class. Because when you're taking college credits, you should do core-curricular subjects like Ceramics. That's the sensible thing to do if you want to start out ahead. With parents in the educational system, you'd be assured of guidance like this.
Jenna: "You be Demi Moore, I'll be Whoopi Goldberg."
Just kidding, she's blind. Not even Aria's clothes are loud enough today that Jenna can tell it's her. I hope Aria uses her nonexistent ability to STFU and keep this secret for a minute.
DILAURENTIS
Spencer spots somebody moving the curtains around. For once, it's probably not Jenna.
Jason: "Spencer, nice to see you lurking around like always."
Spencer: "Does somebody else live here? Named Ian?"
Jason: "Nobody here but me and my variety of form-fitting racerback wifebeaters."
He stalks off, blasting his delts like he's holding his breath à la Naked Fitz. Spencer checks her apps, but so far nobody that is a zombie has checked in at this location.
THAT NIGHT
Spencer: "Hey Emily, since we're not allowed to talk I thought I should tell you that the curtains at Jason's house are acting majorly suspicious."
Emily, verbatim: "Sometimes when all you have is a hammer, everything starts looking like a nail."
Spencer: "That is the most astute thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life."
Emily: "Call Toby if you feel like bad guys are going to show up at your house."
Spencer: "First of all, bad guys are constantly barging into my house. Secondly, Toby is kind of a girl."
Emily: "You're right, he can't handle getting punched in the boob by a ghost-ninja like we constantly are."
Pam: "Emily, is that one of your friends you're not allowed to talk to? Say hi!"
HASTINGS HOUSE OF ANXIETY
Spencer creeps out and stares through the window at Jason; feels weird.
FLASHBACK
Spencer and Emily were having a sleepover and Alison came over because Jason was throwing a rager door. Her fear was that one of the hundred drug addict rapists in her house might attack her.
Alison: "I should call our grandmother in Hilton Head and get him cut out of her will."
Spencer: "That's cool that you came over in pajamas. Make yourself at home."
Alison: "Done. I own your ass."
Spencer: "Emily, stop staring."
Alison: "Emily, do not stop staring."
Ali looked at herself hard in the window over Spencer's sink and started crying. I think maybe something really, really bad happened. She said it was just being sad about their grandma -- but like, whenever she says "grandma" you should just substitute some intense sexual thing at this point -- and then she took a bite out of an apple. Possibly this was a scary metaphor. I hope not. The idea of bad things happening to Alison, while in real life you could basically assume them, it's a weird reversal of physics in this particular universe.
FIELDS HOUSE
Pam: "Oh, is that one of your friends you're not allowed to talk to?"
Emily: "No, it's my lesbian girlfriend. One of them."
Pam: "Cool, say hi!"
Emily: "Things have changed in this house, haven't they."
Spencer: "I just got a visit from the Flashback Fairy. Remember that time with the apple?"
Emily: "This story is going to have Ian in it, I bet. Somehow."
Spencer: "New theory: Jason was also involved in Ali's death."
Emily: "You are going to end up blaming every single person, aren't you?"
Spencer: "The facts suggest that this is a sensible course. PS, everybody is also A."
YEARBOOK
Hanna: "Lucas, it's so fun being helpful and doing things for others."
Lucas: "You are scaring the shit out of me."
Hanna: "Are you crushing on that girl over there?"
Lucas: "Please don't get your ass involved in my things. You are a walking disaster."
Hanna: "Nope. Here I come!"
Lucas: "It's kind of sickening for you to involve yourself in my love life now."
Hanna: "I can kind of see your point. And yet."
HASTINGS
Melissa is still tearing through the house like a Pregnant Little Liar, looking for that ring. Spencer tries to leverage this because she's scared being alone in the house -- also so she can spy on Melissa, but mostly because she is actually more anxious than we've ever seen her.
Spencer: "Do you understand that I'm actually scared and being vulnerable right now?"
Melissa: "I can't help but assume that you are working an angle. I would not recognize you being scared or vulnerable if you printed out a label from that label-maker you asked for in second grade."
Spencer, verbatim: "I guess I'm just hoping that if it came down to it that you would protect me. Over someone who's not me."
Melissa: "You're talking in riddles!"
Spencer brings up a story of being bullied with jump ropes, back in the day. Apparently Melissa took the bitch down. Spencer would like some of that right now while their parents are out of town, in case the boob-puncher comes back.
Melissa: "I honestly don't remember this jump rope thing you're talking about. Also, I am pregnant with a devil baby, and my molester husband is a zombie right now. I got shit going on."
Spencer: "Somehow I'm a dick in this conversation? You are the worst."
Maybe it's Melissa that is the Jekyll & Hyde and Spencer's dream was trying to warn her that Melissa has two personalities and one of them is a killer of little girls. Like maybe she honestly doesn't remember that part of their childhood. Or any parts of their childhood. Or maybe the Jekyll of her took over back then with the jump rope and also took over again, with Alison, and that's why Ian said all that confusing stuff last year. When you think about how easy it would be for Spencer to turn into a serial murderer Melissa starts looking even more suspicious.
Or maybe Melissa totally does remember that whole deal, and just doesn't feel like admitting it because Spencer gets on her nerves.
FITZ
Aria: "It's just so high school that the blind girl we blew up that time is now taking my Pottery class. What a bitch!"
Ezra, having recently showered: "Aria, you're still in high school. Don't take that away from me. Just make friends with her. You're both smart, pretty, wildly pretentious..."
Aria: "Ezra. We blew her up."
Ezra: "Work it out with Jenna. That's the grownup thing to do."
Aria: "Then I will most certainly be doing the opposite."
Aria immediately locates some quieter shoes and puts away all her stupid dangly jewelry the better to lurk around Pottery not speaking and spy on poor fuckin' Jenna all the time.
HASTINGS
Spencer finds the wedding ring hidden behind the toaster, and the music shits itself.
I honestly don't know what that's about. Is she going to keep hiding it so that Melissa will be her pregnant human shield? Is she going to save the day by finding it? Is she going to hold it ransom until she can get Melissa to agree that her husband is a pedophile?
So many crazy things for crazy Spencer to be thinking!
MARIN
Dad: "No, I'm not attempting to become a bigamist! Don't be ridiculous, honey! You know I hate my old family and want nothing more than a handjob from my ex-wife! Listen. My daughter just walked in, I'll call you back."
Hanna: "Shit, does this mean we're alone? No thanks."
Dad: "I'm just fighting with your new stepmom about our wedding."
Hanna: "Mom is going to be on you like white on rice if she finds this out."
Dad: "Oh, trust me. She's got my number."
Hanna: I don't know what she's thinking either. Probably that if she can get her parents back together, it will turn time backwards like Superman flying around the Earth and then everything will be okay. Alison will still be dead and she'll still be skinny, but everything else will go back to normal. That's what I would be hoping.
In a normal show that's what the broken-home cliché person would be thinking. Only instead of Aria stuff like having family dinner and that, here it's more about not getting run over by a car all the time, or forced to prostitute yourself at school dances, or eat whole cartons of cupcakes in front of the football team. I love Hanna so I'm glad A is leaving her alone this season, but A was always so creative about fucking with her.
CAR MEETING
Aria: "Rule number one is, if your parents are sneaking around with each other, you don't want to get involved. Last time we went poking around there, you ended up losing your virginity to a werewolf that lived in the walls."
Hanna: "I prefer not to learn from my experiences. Hey Emily, is that a forged offer letter?"
Emily: Made up entirely of grim resolution.
Aria: "I believe this fake letter is real! Because Emily is stalwart! And I'm the dumb one this week!"
Emily: "...No, girl. I wrote this letter."
Hanna: "Loving this! Defraud me into Harvard!"
Aria: "Guys..."
Hanna: "Aria, I'm sure. You're being just as fraudulent by taking Pottery with Jenna. I hope the first thing you make is a weapon. Like a pipe bomb so we can blow that bitch to Kingdom Come once and for all."
Aria: "Focus. Your parents are going to murder you."
Hanna: "When I'm in need of moral guidance, I say to myself What Would Alison Do?"
Aria & Emily: "And then you do the opposite?"
Hanna: "No way, you guys! I just constantly make terrible decisions!"
DILAURENTIS
Jason has accomplished what Spencer cannot, and now Toby is shirtlessing himself around the yard looking amazing as ever.
Jason: "Let's get to know each other. I didn't think you killed my sister, even though everybody else does. Want to do a bunch of drugs?"
Spencer: "Hey guys..."
Jason: "Is that you, Melissa?"
Spencer: "Um, no. Why would Melissa be wandering through your yard?"
Jason: "[Some made-up lie], I guess."
Spencer: "Please quit right now, Toby. Just take Jason's money and buy a truck and get in that truck and drive away."
Toby: "Look, I know we're both children of privilege and it's hard for you to understand how money works, but I honestly am doing the smart thing here."
Jason brings out a shitload of bloody bandages and takeout boxes for the garbage, and it goes everywhere. Rosewood CDC! Even Toby stares about it, instead of like usual when he stares at Spencer staring at whatever thing because she never tells him anything about what's actually going on.
Jason: "[More made-up lies.]"
UNCHAINED MELODIES
Surprise, Aria is terrible at pottery. Possibly so bad that she will actually admit it.
Jenna knocks some shit over and the lady asks Aria to help her out, and Aria lies and says her name is Anita so Jenna won't know what is up. Hopefully this will lead to "Anita" and Jenna being friends during the Breakup Period, which actually finally seems to be happening, which I would love and it would make sense that Aria could handle a relationship with Jenna that the others could not: Hanna beat her up in the bathroom, and the other two dated her boyfriend (slash brother).
Also, they are elites -- not the Spencer Hastings kind of AP, but the Literary Magazine kind of AP -- and in a post-Alison DiLaurentis world, you need your sisters around you. Matriculating Pottery out of the way at the local college, getting all your commencement ducks in a row. Through Pottery. Hoping to CLEP out of freshman Pottery. Like you do.
Meanwhile, Lucas is so in love with this girl Danielle, and Hanna talks him up to her a whole lot, like how Lucas is this famous photographer. There's a really cute shot of Danielle working around one of the passed-out yearbook people, patting him on the head, that equals instant likeability. Then Hanna tells Danielle that Lucas is a hot property. It's always funny when the nerd takes off his or her glasses and we can stop pretending that the attractive young actor on the show is actually unattractive inside the show.
Theory: This is going to piss off Lucas at first, but then Hanna's going to make him trust her, and she's going to mean it and actually be working in his best interests, but then something terrible will happen, the girl will be disfigured or something because of A, and then Lucas will be mad again, and somehow cockblock her with Caleb in retaliation, or go back to being a wheezy stalker. Marky-mark my words.
Where's Spencer? Hocking that fucking thing to get Toby out of working for Jason. Maybe the worst and dumbest thing she's ever done. Spencer's parents can be a downer but I never thought they were so necessary to keep her from getting felonious. I hope they come back to town soon.
These Little Liars! Moving into a whole new act of the season, I guess. Making terrible calls all over the place, new weird friends, lying to everybody, doing actual crimes. I love it!
BUT STILL, SPENCER
Lucas: "Hanna, how dare you tell Danielle that I am a famous photographer? She wants to take me to coffee. How dare you!"
Hanna: "Honestly, trying to be cool."
Lucas: "Last time I was your human shield/prostitution john for your breakup with Sean."
Hanna: "Maybe I just care about you. Maybe I want to steal back my werewolf. Maybe I'm turning into Mona and messing with lives because I miss the Liars. Gift horse, mister. Please stop judging me by my terrible behavior. Sometimes people change."
Lucas: Stupidly buys it.
Hanna: Also buys it.
Theory: Chugging along just fine. Nice knowing you and your pretty face, Danielle.
BUT STILL, EMILY
Emily is also up to no good, some more. I feel like this letter took longer than most Pulitzer-winning manuscripts. She's been dragging it around like Stevie Nicks's heart; forging it longer than Hanzo takes to make a sword.
Pam: "I was just going to toss out some of your childhood if you'd like to take a look..."
Emily: Convulses.
Pam: "Okay, we'll take this one box with us to Texas. Now, let's have a frank talk about your sexuality and how I will always love you, and trust is the center of our new and accepting relationship."
Emily: "Agreed on all counts. Except for my huge lie I'm about to perpetrate."
Oh, Emily. Oh, girl!
Whew. Awesomely, she rips up the fake letter. I knew the bodysnatchers wouldn't have her for long.
EVERYBODY ELSE IS STILL DOING THE WORST THINGS THOUGH
Spencer drives up in the truck, looking bad-ass of course and setting all the ladies' hearts aflutter, and gives Toby the keys. They make out. She has ruined them and doesn't know it yet. Oh, Spencer.
Hanna watches her parents giggle and drink bottle after bottle of wine, and then deletes an apologetic text from Isabel. Oh, Hanna!
All that's left is for Aria to fuck things up with Jenna, right?
OH YEAH
Jenna: "Anita, could you put my pottery on that shelf and clean up my area? In some ways pottery is a good idea for me because it's tactile. On the other hand, I break shit. Oh, by the way my eyesight is coming back or something. Light this candle so I can sort of see what my beautiful pottery looks like. And if you could not blow me up, that would rock."
It is super tense and goes on and on forever. Anita silently lights the candle and puts it in the beautiful pottery, and then turns the lights off so Jenna can see it looking amazing. She spins it around, because what is Jenna if not atmospherically creepy, and suddenly we're learning the origin of Vampire Slayers. But I don't really think she can see it all that well. The audacity of hope. The audacity of a poor blowed-up blind incest-raping potter.
Right before she blows out the candle -- still wearing her giant sunglasses, I guess because of vanity? -- she looks Aria in the eye and tells a seriously sad story, because she still can't see the light.
Jenna, starting to cry: "Sometimes I liked to swim to the bottom of a lake and look up at the sunlight on the water, and it was so beautiful. That's what I wanted this to look like."
Anita stares, crying along with her, and promises her that's exactly what it looks like.
Anita: "[Keeps talking juuuuust long enough for Jenna to recognize her.]"
Jenna: "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
Aria: "...Yeah. Sorry."
Jenna: "Bitch, blow out that candle right now."
Aria finds a new use for her shushing powers, and the room goes dark.
That was awesome. That was one of the best scenes ever on this show. It's so harsh! You got Jenna opening up, and Aria this close to getting on her side, but then the nice thing contains its own seeds of destruction because Jenna showed her ass in front of the enemy. That Aria was using Anita to get closer to her, and ended up just pushing her further away by acting sketchy and, to Jenna's eyes, making fun of her.
The best scenes are always going to be Jenna scenes, because they remind you that the Liars are -- for lots of people, not just Jenna -- the only monsters in this story. Even without Alison, Jenna is terrified of them: Spying on them, stealing their phones, making backup plans in case they come to hurt her again... Sound like anybody you can think of? Sounds like everybody you can think of.
THAT NIGHT
Spencer continues to haunt her own home, listening to more spooky inaudible conversations Melissa's having with people Spencer's not allowed to know about. It adds up, accumulates, accretes into actual scariness.
Pam comes to Emily's door with a real Maybe Letter, all atwitter and excited for her daughter, while Spencer's call goes unanswered. Pam's overjoyed and it's a bright little moment... But from the words she's reading, Emily can tell it's somehow her forged letter, back from the dead. Pam jumps around the room hollering, happier than she's ever been on this show, and runs off to tell dad while Emily stares and mopes and moves real slow.
Torn-up letter? Gone. Replaced by a letter from A that says basically she has no intentions of letting Emily leave her sphere of influence. So Emily gets to stay a good guy as far as we know, but it's still her big lie and she's still technically the bad guy when it gets found out. That is an awesome twist.
MEANWHILE
The other three run to somebody's house so they can talk about what's happened in the last hour: Hanna's still confused about who this "Anita" is, of course, and you get the feeling Aria's explained it a few times. Aria doesn't quite say that she was feeling sorry for Jenna at the time she blew their spot, but does admit that she was feeling safe in the situation. However, if Jenna is A -- which we've circled back around to, once again -- then they're in trouble.
Just the idea of Jenna crying in front of you, it's chilling. Not even Hanna got through that the last time unscathed.
Spencer gets ready to suggest that they just go ahead and kill her finally, but then Melissa goes sketching across the yard and they spring into action. Will we finally figure out the Melissa thing? It's very windy wherever she's going, which bodes well. She runs to this car driven by a mystery person that Aria presumes is Ian...
Nope, it's Wren. WREN! He hands Melissa a mysterious bag which Spencer thinks is probably painkillers for helping Ian with his painful murder. Hanna finds this so very typical, that Melissa would get the guy she dumped to help the murderer she married. I love bringing back Wren because maybe there is no Ian, which would rule, but also because it reminds you that Spencer is capable of sucking. Hard as it is to believe. Wren and Melissa hear the girls and he scatters. She checks out the contents of the bag, and meanwhile somebody spooky stares out the DiLaurentis window and there's so many bad guys and everybody's screaming and why is Wren there and what the hell is Melissa up to and also Jason and the yard and the fence and Toby. I think it's safe to say I have completely lost track of what's going on.
A-TAG
A buys Melissa's wedding ring from that pawn shop, of course.
So what's all happening? Aria/Anita has pissed off Jenna once again, which is always scary; Jackie Molina is hip to her May/August love, also. Melissa has secrets aplenty with Wren, Jason and possibly Ian; her wedding ring now belongs to A. Hanna's doing a Parent Trap in the creepiest, most PLL way possible, and also involving herself in Lucas and Caleb's life. Alison once had a bad night that involved threatening her brother's finances and possibly also Ian. And Emily did the right thing, which can never happen in Rosewood, so A defrauded everybody on her behalf to fix it. Yeah, it's about time for everything to flip over again, which makes sense that this episode was so bizarre.
week: Noel Kahn fills an entire bed and breakfast with sunflowers to make it up to Mona Vanderwaal; Caleb and Lucas start a home improvement cable-access show starring their -door neighbor, who has only half a face; Jenna and Garrett kidnap Aria and force her to watch Douglas Sirk movies until she apologizes, costing her a semester's Ceramics credit; Emily ironically loses the ability to swim; Hanna roofies her parents.