By Jacob
Aria, convinced that her parents are hiding something, engages Hanna in a game of cat-and-mouse that reveals not only Ella and Byron's continuing secret affair (yay!) but also the fact that Cyberwolf Caleb is living in the walls of the high school. By episode's end, Hanna's taken Caleb home with her... Which is good, because she needs a friend once Aria dumps her ass for sending Ella to Philly. (Thanks, A!)
Also making new friends are Emily -- whose stalker Paige shows up waterlogged in the middle of the night, chock full of remorse and crazy and the Well of Loneliness -- and Spencer, who decides she'll be Toby Cavanaugh's home French tutor. Kind of like an apology, but with that Spencer edge where she'll gladly see him dead or maimed, so long as he can help her figure out who killed Alison, and doesn't really take pains to hide that fact.
Note that Spencer still is not entirely sure that Toby isn't a serial killer, but of course that doesn't stop her from being pretty sweet to him, tossing off "C'est la guerre" -- like anybody but Awesome Fucking Spencer Hastings would ever say that in casual conversation -- and wearing not one but two completely different, absolutely insane outfits. (A: Sorceress-Nanny à Go-Go, B: Madeline & Le Mauvais Chapeau.)
Later, Spence and Melissa fight about Ian's creepiness as usual, but then Big Sis drops two bombs at once: Number one, she knows about the kissin' that summer, and number two, she is having a devil baby. Which makes Spencer's desire to see Ian rot in prison somewhat trickier. Then she sees that the French copy of Catcher she gave Toby -- in sympathy for his Graham Greene existence, and which Jenna made him give back -- includes a smuggled clue we'll find out about week.
There's not much more to say about Emily, because mostly what we got from her was: Swimming, swimming, oddly sexy face, swimming. So much swimming. Two entire shitty sub-Paramore songs' worth of swimming. I don't know who that's for, if it's for jocks or to titillate or what, but damn it was intensive. If you weren't familiar with what swimming looks like, you can now consider yourself fully informed. You have graduated from the Watching Emily Swim University.
But with Em, I think she is going to make Paige McCullers her new Toby Cavanaugh and defend her to the dying breath, because man was Paige a pitiful fucking sight this week. I'm always happy when we learn to love the villain, you know that, but I was kinda hoping for Paige to act like a crazy bitch for at least an episode or two.
week: No idea. Everybody's mumbling in the previews but it looks like Spencer wears crazy clothes and Aria bullshits around some more. Oh, and Jenna pulls some righteous shit, no doubt.
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then check out our guide to the best moments so far!
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!