In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jesus Christ, Aria... Oh wait, it's not even time to start yelling about that this week. I jumped the gun.
So Spencer hears some mumbles downstairs in the middle of the night -- Ian and Melissa having come back from their mysterious secret staycation honeymoon -- and I don't know what they're talking about. Possibly that Tree, lots of Secrets, and I do believe they mention Miss DiLaurentis a couple times. Anyway, they're jumpy so Spencer runs back upstairs while Melissa makes sure nobody's listening in, and A texts Spencer just then to ask if their marriage is even real, or just a great alibi for that time last year when he was a known pedophile and also killed a girl. Even Spencer has to be like, "Yeah, I can't see a way to pin this one on Toby."
But I think the Liars are still assuming that A(s) and the killer are different people, and finally will come to the smart conclusion that, in addition to fucking with them because they deserve it, A is also trying to help them track the killer. Or both, because there is more than one A, or they are all A, and you are A and I am A and Will Farrell is A and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Of all those, I still say Maggie. She's just so off-putting. Did you see Sherrybaby? How absolutely appalling that movie was. I thought nothing could be worse than mumblecore until I saw that movie and now I just don't go to movies at all, in case they're like Sherrybaby. I can't let that happen to me again, I love me way too much. Sayonara, Sherry. Later skater, Sherrybaby.
morning Spencer's freaking gorgeous face decides to get to the bottom of Ian's whole deal. She brings up Hilton Head like immediately, and throws out Alison's name for the hell of it, but she can't read his pokerface so she just lies all, "No, that wasn't me creeping around in the middle of the night listening to your creepy conversation you were having in my living room, despite the fact that you fully live in another, separate structure on this property, and thus had no reason to be doing so. Was it interesting? This conversation I don't know about?"
Finally realizing something us up in Spencertown, Ian levels with her: "Listen, Spence, um... I know our decision to get married was sudden, and... Yeah, I get that it's thrown you, but... You know, we're family now. I hope you start thinking of me like that." This whole conversation he's cooking breakfast; I can't exactly say why, but something about this is very menacing.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Also cooking: Aria's wormy dad and all his plastic surgery. I miss her mom so, so much. How's she doing? Well, she's dating. Apparently Dad went on a date with her last night which turned out to be a meeting about how she's seeing other people. Of course Dad can't point the finger -- given that it was his fucking a student that A) ended his marriage and B) where do you think Ezra came from, while we're on the subject -- but this admission sends cute little Mikey over the edge:
"That's just so you, Dad. You lie and cheat, but you draw the line at hypocrisy. You're such a role model!"
Well, true. But if ever there is a scene that doesn't end with Mike Montgomery running for the hills crying about his father's leadership skills, I will duplicate Aria's outfit at that precise moment and wear it out the following Friday evening. I might even twiddle soulfully on a Casio while staring into space and reciting poetry, if I get drunk enough. If there is a feather -- and there are feathers right now as I'm looking at her pretty, doomed little face -- I will even wear the feather. That Bastard Feather.
At coffee with the Liars, Spencer puts on a fairly awesome Southern accent and confirms that Ian was totally staying at Hilton Head the day before Alison vanished, which means... I don't know what exactly but it's a big deal. Stuff we already knew but which is Spencer's major storyline this week, so it blurs in my memory between who knows what, and what was, and what is yet to be.
Feedback from Liars: Firstly, Ali hated old people so why was she happy when she came home. Second, Georgia is actually not in South Carolina, as we've previously discussed. But so what, because "Alison lied more than she breathed," quote Emily, and why would that make Ian kill her anyway?
"I thought you'd be happy to hear it was anybody but Toby," Spencer complains, and Emily -- rather than responding to that hilarious statement -- starts mooning over exposition instead, in a really confusing way: "All Toby wanted was for me to believe him, and I didn't." Not that that has anything to do with what we're talking about, but okay. But then also Spencer cannot let it go, so she goes, "Toby lied about a lot of things too," and Emily's only response before FBI Agent Cooper comes walking out of the café is, "If lying was a crime, we would all be in jail." Because we're liars, Spencer. Pretty, pretty little ones.
Ashley Marin is shocked when her daughter thanks her for the ride to coffee, but honestly if you were Hanna don't you think you'd be grateful anytime you made it to your destination? Hanna and cars are like Jenna Cavanuagh and a laser show: When she's not crashing them from behind the wheel, she's denting them with her face. Redux on the whole stolen money thing, with the final line: "It's only a felony if they find out," which is like the most comforting line a mother on this show has ever uttered.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Well, again besides Ella Montgomery, but I hear she'll be back on the show soon. So Hanna joins the ladies and Emily tries real hard -- "Looks like someone traded in her wheels for heels!" -- and of course Hanna corrects her -- "They're flats? But they are Ferragamos" -- and then Agent Cooper sighs about how she's going to miss that sweet, quaint Rosewood cuisine and coffee, since she's wrapped up the case against Toby and has no reason to stay... Unless they give her one.
The Liars keep mum until she's gone, and head to school. Spencer points out that Ian was fully fucking Allison and that he's a good reason for lovely Cooper to stay. But Aria goes to this Mavis place with it, all about how Cooper's not some small-town cop that's gonna arrest Spencer's brother-in-law just because Ali carved his name into a tree, which has since also vanished. And if you put it that way, sure, except Cooper would also be like, "And how come you guys are always getting run over and blackmailed and stuff? Let's just spitball a second."
So I guess it's been established that Noel led them to the tree, or absence of tree, or both? I admit I wasn't clear on the whole tree thing at any point, so maybe that's true. Or they're just saying Noel did that because he is A, in which case you're just trying to confuse me. They finally start wondering if A is actually trying to help them find the killer, because if so that's unique but also, if you put those two half-facts together: "How could Noel even know about Ian and Ali?" Because, as Aria points out, Noel is literally always around. And thank God for that.
Like right now, Noel and Mike are having a big old cute-off out in the courtyard, which can only spell trouble because even if he's neither A nor the Killa, he's still after Ezra and running Hanna over with cars and being sketchy. For some reason somebody, I think Emily, calls Spencer "Veronica Mars" in this really bitchy way that didn't make any sense, and then they decide that they have to go through all of Ian's stuff that's in Spencer house. Because when you murder somebody's best friend, you should gather all the evidence you can and transport it her home, to make revenge all the easier to obtain.
Emily's dad is officially gone -- maybe that's why she's being weird -- which means it's just Emily, Maya and Pam's Homophobia in the house these days. The Liars all coo and aww and whatever about their lesbian love affair, and it's squirmingly uncool but not in a gay way: That's just how teenagers are: Flesh-crawlingly into each other's sex lives. It Gets Better, y'all.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Unless you never come out of the closet at all. Take Noel Kahn, for example, who comes pirouetting into Ezra's classroom to make this observation: "Nice vest. This is your Teacher Look, right?" His point being that A) he is too gay to function and B) he's real observant about things. Things like who Ezra's dick is in, and how old they are. They have a carbon-copy of the "change my grade" fight from last week, and Ezra refuses, and Noel doesn't even get that, like why with the honor and sticking to your guns, and Ezra because he is insufferable goes, "If you have to ask the question, you wouldn't understand my answer."
Ugh. And if that weren't enough to get his dander up, Noel's also laboring under one of those grades v. football issues, which makes this paper a serious and urgent matter. Noel applies some more pressure, and finally Ezra caves and says he'll read the paper, which Noel says he's rewritten. All I know is, if you're that capable of condescending to teenagers, then you are for sure a statutory rapist if you sleep with them. You're either down here in the mud with us, or up in the tower with the rest of the olds.
Although it helps to answer the question, What do the guys on this show do when the Liars aren't around? I would have guessed "Stand around staring creepily at each other," and it turns out I would have been 100% correct in that assumption.
Toby shows up at school and it is totally hardcore dreadful for him, even Spencer's touched. Somebody wrote KILLER on his locker, because I guess HOLLOW-EYED RELUCTANT SISTER-FUCKER is too long to all fit on there.
Hanna's got PT after school, so she can't have coffee with Aria's blue feather earrings, but she does have time to hit the cupcake store, where A has sent her to eat a dozen cupcakes in public. Of course, Noel's creeping around the whole time, and of course, all the cupcakes have piggy faces in the icing, and Noel stares and stares, and it's all very horrifying. But does she do it? You bet your ass she does. Sad music and all.
Some boys from the team sit down to her -- football players love nothing more after school than to hang out at cupcake stores, shootin' the breeze and practicing how to kiss -- and it's real, real gross, and they go "Oink oink" and laugh at her, even though -- am I wrong about this? -- she's still technically the Regina George of Rosewood and dating but not fucking their quarterback. Has that changed?
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Anyway, Hanna remembers the time she Heftily ate a whole pie and Alison immediately showed up to teach her the art of bulimia, wearing a ridiculous purple dress that looked more like a bathing suit with a belt. She hugged her fat crying ass and then thought to herself, "You know what would destroy the shit out of this girl?" And then stuck her finger down Hanna's throat. Bitch knows what she's doing. And in realtime, Hanna's still sucking down those cupcakes so her mom can keep buying crap.
Spotting naked girl legs waving around cutely in the air through Emily's half-open door, her mom of course shits a brick even though they're just giggling over a magazine. "Pam," says Maya stupidly, "I promise we were studying. That's all." Right sentiment, wrong form of address. If anything we can say that Maya is teaching us exactly how not to act around the mom of your gay boy- or girlfriend. Or not gay, actually, now that I think about it. If you've ever been the one coming into the unwelcome house. And I mean, precisely not. WWMND. Learn it, live it.
Anyway, Mom makes damn sure Maya knows it's "Mrs. Fields," and Maya bounces with a very stern "You didn't do anything wrong" to the chronically apologizing Emily, and once she's gone Emily says, and who could blame her, "For the first time in my life, I am ashamed that you're my mother." Heartbreaking for everybody, and again because it's so hard to draw the line between being weirded out by your kid dating v. your kid dating gay, because they're both eventually going to the scary place where no parent can directly look, so you get your adult politics mixed up with your very personal stuff, and it's an apocalypse but also the most common one I can think of.
So: Nia Peeples is a very gifted lady, and this is a very laudable storyline.
On TV, we're so used to taking whatever we can get that it's important to say that: The mere presence of gay teens is not enough. Good gay stories are what keep us from killing ourselves. And this show might be outdoing Degrassi in that department, as of right now.* Emily's not the Gay Character (that's Maya, and Noel) she's our Emily: Our Big Sweet Gay Emily. Mrs. Fields is not the Issues Voter That Will Eventually Come Around, she's this complicated, unbelievably strong, fairly awesome woman who happens to find herself horrified by what a bitch she's being, but can't stop.
*(I mean, it's not a competition; Degrassi is magic, but so far away and so issues-oriented -- and so sweetly Canadian -- that it sort of wrecks the curve for everybody else.)
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Well, and now but even saying that about the Gay Character feels super-subjective -- any good writer, which teen show writers have to be, more than any other kind of show, is not ever writing a "Gay Character" -- so I'll drop it. But there's a difference between being told there's no difference v. seeing (and being party to, as a viewer**) that lack of a difference.
**(Even with the cringy shots every half-second to the other Liars constantly approving of her homosexuality -- which is also helping, of course -- you still gotta think about how the other option right now is Glee, which is a wonderful show when it's good, and which is like getting tied up and indoctrinated by a sheltered, shaven-headed sophomore Women's Studies major from Vassar's class of '99 when it's not, i.e., Generation X Bullshit + Second-Wave Feminism = DEATH.)
Aria goes to yell at the football players -- who are still oinking at Hanna, somehow -- and they watch Noel for awhile as Aria wipes her tears and learns about the sick magic of bulimia that Ali turned Hefty Hanna onto in the first place. Aria is incredibly awesome in this scene, I'll say it. And now Hanna's doing okay, which is also a good thing; she even admits as a proof of strength that A/Noel who is still hanging around has something on her mom. "What does he want you to do?" Aria immediately gets it. They don't really talk about what it is, though, because that storyline's still happening.
Hanna heads into the bathroom of the cupcake place, pointedly slamming the door in the toilet's face, and then on the paper towel roll it comes out OINK OINK, because A must have assumed she'd run off to barf, and Hanna just growls awesomely, "He is such a bitch!" I kind of wish Noel was A, just so they could keep responding to him that way. But the piece of paper towel, and the one after that, are taped with $100 bills. So Hanna pulls and pulls and gets to the end, tummy issues fully ignored, and of course Aria comes in after a pee-ish length of time to make sure she's not barfing, and she shoves the cash in her giant crazy-girl purse, and they leave together.
While Mrs. Fields is going through Maya's shit, of course, she finds her pot stash we haven't seen or heard about since the pilot, and that's tough on everybody. At school, Noel and Ezra make out for about a million years, but he's still not changing the grade. Then over on the random street, Spencer's still stalking Toby, who is getting abused by like grandmas and little kids, and eventually he runs away to this alley so he can cry about it. Spencer follows, and I honestly thought for a second she was going to cut him a break, but no. She just watches him cry and thinks about her scapegoating habit and how it comes from feeling weird about her own secrets and how the only reason we ever do that to somebody else is to hand off the weight of our own shit, because we find ourselves unbearable. Also, Toby is actually kind of hot sometimes.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Emily's still pissed when her mom comes in and admits that she found drugs, and that possibly smoking pot is what led to lesbianism. Which on the one hand is pretty pathetic and reaching, but on the other hand, with Emily's mom it's possible she actually believes this. I mean, you and I know pot isn't that big of a deal, but you Emily's mom's brain is like a Chick Tract that never stops coming up with shit.
So Mom's like, "I turned it over to Maya's parents. They may well have honor-killed her by now. Stop doing drugs and stop kissing people, but especially Maya who brought drugs into my house. I swear that it's not because you're gay, although that's also a huge problem." Emily's stance -- that she only searched her shit because she's a girl -- is probably a little bit right but mostly wrong, and anyway Mom managed to get to Dad in time too so now he thinks she's doing drugs too. Which sucks, because she's not. She's like, "Um, I am still totally in love with Maya though!" and Mom's heart breaks a little bit more, which was the point.
Things are also pissy at the Montgomerys', because of Mikey's issues with his mom being projected onto his dad, and even though he's clearly spiky in the aura, Aria's gotta know what Noel Kahn was talking to him about. "I saw you with him at school this morning. So are you guys like friends now or something? Since when?"
Every time anybody asks about Noel it sounds like they're asking if you're secretly gay with him, have you noticed this? Am I inventing it? No, it's because these girls are suspicious of everybody because everybody is suspicious, so they're asking people, boys, about their interactions with Noel in a super intense way which makes the boys act like there's something to hide. I'm sure that's all it is. I mean, they can't all be into it. What a crazy season finale that would be, though: "The hell did you think we were doing in Chastity Club?"
Anyway, is Noel piping hot, yes he is, does he ever ask or act stalkery about Aria, no he doesn't. BUT he is totally bringing the hammer down on this one teacher who's banging a student, as of tomorrow. Of course Byron Montgomery's ears perk up at this, stretching his facelift to its limits, because teachers fucking students is a very serious accusation. He asks Aria and her total lack of poise if she knows anything about it, and she looks him right in the eye and goes, "Dad. I totally screwed up." You can see his heart skip a beat and but then Aria's like, "...Because I have a midterm to study for!" So she runs away into the night, and all the forty people that constantly hang out in her front yard spying on her because they are A snigger behind her back, like "Nice save, Aria."
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!...Over hills and vales, through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, wearing a Prom dress, wearing a frilly nightgown, carrying a candelabra and a valise full of poetry by its broken handle, on angels' wings, on clouds of passion and yearning, and she also took a bus that was two transfers and one of them smelled like urine, Aria finally comes in unto the garret of her beloved.
Ezra explains that Noel has him over a barrel -- twice today already, heh -- and so the only way he can keep her okay and not tainted by the grossness of their gross relationship is to quit his job. This is the kind of shit that he says: "What you and I have is the most real and honest thing in my life. And that's something I hope you remember. No matter what happens tomorrow, that won't change. I'm not going to change Noel's grade, and I will not let him hurt you. If I resign tomorrow and get the hell out of Rosewood, he'll have no reason to tell anybody about us. Hey. Even though this doesn't look right, it has always felt right. And I will not let him change this into something that feels wrong. I just can't."
And they kiss and whatever, SWAT comes bursting in the door and fills him with lead for being a skeevy motherfucker, because listen up: If somebody ever says to you "Even though this doesn't look right it has always felt right," you get your ass to a safe location and you call the cops, call your parents, call the JLA, Ghostbusters, Megatron, whoever, because it is: Neither. They just said that, by saying that. God, even Toby Cavanaugh eventually stopped believing Jenna about that. And look what happened to him. You wanna nip these situations in the bud, you see. I don't care if you're a teen or just a forty-year-old with low self-esteem: Things that don't "look" right are generally not right, and that's how come they look that way.
Melissa comes in with shopping and invites Spencer to dinner with the parents, which means Ian won't be around tonight when/if the inevitable Something that always Happens, happens. She drops an ovulation kit on the floor, which Spencer sees before she can whisk it away, and it turns out that having gotten married five seconds ago, Melissa's planning on having six kids by week.
"What about the Wharton School?" Who gives a shit, Broheim? I got my motherfuckin' M.R.S.! What-what?
"Who the hell are you turning into?" Listen Mommalady, I have been getting this weekly newsletter that's really changed my priorities. It's called GOOP and have you heard of it.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Ian comes in and threatens to beat up Melissa's body for telling Spencer about their babymaking idea, but Spence covers and says she found out on her own, and has no opinions beyond how it's disgusting to think that his Eddie Munster face will be passed down another generation, and Ian's like, "Oh, I know Spencer can keep a secret. Like how I molested her when she was a child, for just one example off the top of my head."
Hanna, why are you fussing with that unlucky lasagna box? "I'm not, I'm cooking it! Carbs are no longer a problem for me!" Hanna, why are you really fussing with the lasagna box? "Because I have to cram all this money in it!" Hanna, how did you get that money? "Eating cupcakes and shaming myself!" Hanna, how did you really get that money? "I found it! A wad of hundies on the floor of Lucky Leon's Cupcake Hut & Vomitorium." Hanna, why didn't you return it to the manager? "You, all right? I learned it by watching YOU!" Hanna, are we going to keep this money? "I'll keep eating cupcakes and making my dime, you just worry about spending it little lady." Hanna, I'm your mother so I always know when you're lying. But I'm also about the flakiest person that ever lived, so I accept your terms.
Hanna wonders if she really does have a tell -- Ashley's not giving that one up -- and then stares herself in the mirror: "I am still a virgin." Real or not real? Real or not real: "I am not a virgin."
Am I supposed to know what that was about? Because one of them is a lie and one of them isn't, and I thought she was still a virgin, so I guess this is a thing where she doesn't want people to know that... Right, so yeah, which is why she was all over Sean's poor gay dick that time and then stole his car, when we saw just how much awesome shit can happen when ol' Hanna turns it up to eleven. We need another Hanna rampage STAT.
And over on this channel, the Lifetime Original Movie Aria & Ezra: A Couple Of Queerbutts.
Nope, no sir, no today. I get that Aria's a special princess -- and the all-important Shusher -- and that their relationship is the big thing of the show, and the show knows what it's doing, and 'shippers are the toxic but all-powerful Big Tobacco Lobby of all entertainment now, but God those two just make me want to sit on a knife.
So now it's morning and there's this amazing scene where Spencer hilariously corrects Hanna's pronunciation of "nuclear" -- clearly the funniest and best thing in this whole episode -- in reference to Melissa's oncoming scourge of a Rosemary's Baby, and they're like, "Either Ian has brainwashed her with his molester powers, or, you know, Melissa is a bad-ass, which we know to be true... So it's a conundrum." Spencer's going to have to go through those boxes of evidence Ian has helpfully supplied. But before they can talk about that more, Emily runs up under a black and heavy cloud of lesbian trauma, because Maya's off to juvie camp for three months. What happened? "My mother, that's what happened."
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Ezra's humming "To Sir, With Love" as he packs up his shit and gets ready to leave this school he's been teaching at for half a year or so, and just when he's getting to the high part with all his bags packed, bidding a drippy and silent adieu to his nymphet in the hallway, who should be discovered hoarding stolen midterms but one Noel Kahn? That's right. A even sends an awesome gloating text: "A is for Alison, not Amateur." That was awesome! And thanks, A. Thanks so very much for keeping those two crazy kids together.
So now back at Spencer's, Aria's old pastime of defending Noel has become defending A, leading to a hilarious conversation among the Liars where Aria's all, "But A saved my relationship" and the rest of them are "AND RAN OVER HANNA" and she's like, "But my special snowflake love relationship" and they're like, "BITCH, SHE RAN OVER HANNA WITH A CAR" and it's so, so funny. Aria finally compromises that yes, she ran over Hanna, but only because Hanna had figured out that she was Noe... No, that doesn't work out. But for Aria it does, because of love.
Melissa comes in and Hanna crawls right up her ass about how men can't be trusted and marriage is a lie signed in blood and all this shit, and Melissa ignores her with a fair amount of grace considering how inappropriately she is acting out -- I guess used to the big lifelong fight with Spence -- all, "That's how my mom felt... Before my Dad met Isabelle," and whatever, and Melissa's like, "Ian never looks at other women. Only pubescent girls. So I clearly have nothing to worry about."
Emily arrives and the Liars hustle her upstairs, where they are keeping Maya, so they can do their lady-lovin' before Maya ships out, and it's super sweet -- very realistic enjoyment of this by the Liars, very sweet and believable reconciliation scene among a million candles upstairs -- and actually it's very romantic and more than a little hot.
Well, except for how downstairs the other Liars are listening to them do it while looking through Ian's old comic book collection. Or maybe that's just one of those things where this show is too real and I can't handle it. The realness.
Somebody watches through the window as Aria finds a copy of the newspaper the day Alison disappeared -- "Everyone kept that," Spencer sniffs -- and then refreshed and exhausted, the two ladies eventually come downstairs fully loved, and once Maya's gone and they've kissed and cried their little hearts out, Hanna tells a funny/scary story about how this is the same camp, True North, where Betsy Berger was sent "for huffing spray paint" and "came back as a drummer in a gospel band."
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Hanna: Better friends. Even Mona's never huffed paint, for God's sake.
So Aria's all like, "Luckily, Maya's an amazing person," and it's that -- combined with the fact that she is a forty-year-old woman masquerading as a high school student -- which will help her get through this in the end.
Then A sends them a present: "Don't say I never gave you anything. Turn on your computer." And they do, and there's the Kissing Rock video. Including the whole part where Alison turns the camera around and her secret boyfriend is Ian... And the even secreter part where he apparently kills her ass. Or gives her a screaming orgasm, one of the two.
The Liars shriek 1) once when they see Ian's face, 2) again when Alison drops to the ground and starts clutching at the dirt, and 3) finally when that mysterious shape goes zooming past Spencer's window. It is awesome how much and how many times they all jump in the air and scream, in a very short amount of time, and then they run out into the woods yelling for A -- "Bitch moves fast," I think Spencer laughs -- and of course they miss her entirely. Or it's Lucas, you know. Or Noel.
Or Jenna. I like to think that Jenna's blindness has given her Native American cocaine powers where she can just sort of run through the woods really fast without being tracked or leaving a single sign.
week: Hanna and Ashley take up go-go dancing to support their shared pill habit, eventually moving into a great big house in East Hampton where they can feed the raccoons and trim the privet in peace, with only Toby Cavanaugh the Marble Faun to keep them company. Spencer carries all of Ian's shit to Philly on her own back, stopping only to forage for food, in a desperate attempt to finally live in a barn.
After walking in on Noel and Sean doin' it, Ezra realizes he never loved Aria and is in fact just a garden-variety pedo; he turns himself in for chemical castration, taking along Jenna Cavanaugh for moral support. They open a halfway house for creeps together, and Byron becomes their handyman. Mona makes a deal with the devil to take control of D&D Advertising for good, but it backfires on her in a shocking way that could have grave consequences for the whole apartment complex.
Ella Montgomery reveals that she's been working for the CIA this whole time, and goes back under deep cover after telling Mike a secret about his parentage that will leave you reeling. Maya joins the Polyphonic Spree, causing Emily to break the fuck up with her -- ironically, just as her mother is deciding that Maya's newfound creepy Christian values make her the perfect daughter-in-law!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"More tea, dear? And please: Call me Pam," she'll say, as Emily quietly wails mommmmmm into an embroidered pillow, "Or better yet? Call me Mom."
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"More tea, dear? And please: Call me Pam," she'll say, as Emily quietly wails mommmmmm into an embroidered pillow, "Or better yet? Call me Mom."
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
I mean, that was still great compared to other TV shows, so it seems unfair to call it a crummy episode, but... Between the odd PSA moments for Not Throwing Up and It Gets Better, and the unendingly queer prancing around of Aria and Ezra, this one just wasn't that sparkling. Shame.
Anyway, Emily's mom finds Maya's pot in her knapsack and, grasping at straws, decides that this is what's causing her daughter's lesbianism. Dude, if pot makes you gay, a whole bunch of shit just started making sense. Anyway, Maya's formerly cool parents send her off to Jesus Camp for a long time, but not before the girls kidnap her away for one last romantic night with Emily.
Also having one last romantic night -- all of which, I'm not kidding, include those Italian restaurant Chianti bottle candles, because that is the height of romance -- are Aria and Ezra, who got into a little bit of a chickfight with old Noel and called his bluff. Noel tells Aria's brother Mikey about the "rumor" and how it's all going down tomorrow, so Aria runs over to Ezra's and they mash their tears together and lick each other's palms and play Mother May I well into the dawn. But then morning, A has framed Noel for cheating and busted his entire reputation, so I guess Ezra doesn't have to quit after all.
Hanna -- last seen being tempted after A stole the money that Hanna's mom stole, which whole scenario was so shocking that it made her broken leg heal itself overnight -- gets teased about her bulimia by A some more, and probably some other stuff, too, but I didn't notice because her house is so gorgeous and her mom is so gorgeous and she is so gorgeous that it's hard to believe in complaining when all of that is going on at once.
Spencer feels a modicum of sympathy for Toby, who is wandering the streets now as a pariah, but not so much that she thinks about it one single time after that. She tries to nail Ian down on the Hilton Head visit and even brings up Alison to him, but he stonewalls her. Then Melissa starts talking about how she wants to have his Eddie Munster-looking babies and has become a total Stepford mess, but even A is skeptical about that: She thinks their whole marriage is a sham to give Ian an alibi for Alison's death.
When that FBI lady starts talking about leaving town, the girls know they only have one shot to get a real bead on the killer, or else Toby's going to jail and their real enemy goes free. But in a day full of good deeds by A, the last one's the real shocker: She sends them the entire Kissing Rock video, including Ian's stupid face and what seems to be Alison breathing out her last, clutching at the dirt and then respiring. The Liars chase A out into the woods, but lose her once again... And begin to realize A's agenda is much larger than just messing with their heads -- or occasionally running them over with cars.
Watch the episode below, then discuss it in our forums, then see the show's best moments so far.
What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"More tea, dear? And please: Call me Pam," she'll say, as Emily quietly wails mommmmmm into an embroidered pillow, "Or better yet? Call me Mom."