My apologies to stand up comedians everywhere; I know it's a lost and much-maligned art form, but I just don't get it and don't usually find it funny (unless it's Chris Rock). So, I probably wasn't the best person to recap a saccharine-sweet television movie whose main storyline revolves around a shy bartender wanna-be stand-up comedian caught in some bad Cyrano de Bergerac take-off.
Cue bad jazz-fusion music: "Dooble. Dow. Dweedly. Dwee." Insert Camryn Manheim credit here. The bass is pumping! Dude shaving and saying, "Someone said laughter is the best medicine. They never tried amphetamines." Insert Scott Cohen credit here. One for Alexondra Lee. Cut to shaky camera crap where a guy blows a hair dryer against his face as an impression of an alien. Dude, that's scary, but not in the way you'd like it to be. More credits. More crappy dweeby sounds. Cut to Camryn Manheim, looking nothing, and I mean nothing, like the character Ellenor Frutt she plays on The Practice. Firstly, she's wearing an animal print blouse; secondly, her hair is braided in a couple of places near the front of her face. Thirdly, the braids are wrapped in some sort of ribbon. It might sound bad, but it actually works. Camryn: "I've never been attracted to guys that aren't funny." Pause for comedic timing: "For very long, anyway." Oh, Marlee Matlin's in this movie too. More bad one-liners, followed by more credits. Dabney "The Original Non-King of Comedy" Coleman is also in the movie. Cut to Alexondra Lee on the bus, giggling, "I hate it when a guy paws at me." Giggle. Giggle. "Almost as much as when he keeps a respectful distance." The little old lady on the bus gives her the stink-eye. Some horrible stand-up comic gripes about growing up "beige." More freaking credits. Okay, right now I almost prefer the credits from The Practice. There, you've got thirty seconds of pure hell and then it's over. Kind of like ripping off a Band-Aid stuck to sunburnt skin. Here, the agony of explaining to me that this is a movie about funny people who are supposed to be funny is about as funny as pulling a Band-Aid off of sunburnt skin slowly instead of really fast so you can't avoid the drawn-out aspect of the pain. Throw in the horrible "bleebs" and "dweeps" and "boop-dee-doops" and, well, you get the picture. I'll take this moment to inform you all that Camryn Manheim co-produced this piece of television non-genius.
Okay, we're back to focusing on Camryn, who is opening a beer behind a bar. She's still talking to the magical cameraman filming these short stand-up vignettes. So, according to Camryn, intelligence, warmness, and kindness are "all well and good" but "funny is sexy." This is our cue to actually move inside the movie, where some strange cameraperson-cum-documentary filmmaker totally isn't giving us insight after insight into that ever-strange breed, the stand-up comedian. Dabney Coleman is sitting at the end of the bar. He's yammering on about never meeting a comedian he didn't like. Camryn pours him a shot of Jack Daniels. I know it's only 6 a.m. here in Toronto, but I think I'm going to need one too -- a shot of JD, that is. Not a comedian. Dabney makes some self-deprecating comment that leads me to believe he is the "Norm" of this bar. Then he makes a derogatory remark about the state of comedy today, namely those pesky comedy festivals, and I actually believe he's "Norm." Camryn shoots back, "Sure, it's much more respectable to pimp yourself for five bucks, some cigarettes and free booze." Ah, the younger generation, ensuring that the older generation ends up smack-dab in the middle of that pasture. For a movie about stand-up comedy, these characters sure are stereotypical: a burned-out crabby guy and a wisecracking waitress. Dabney points a finger at Camryn and blathers on about "never having to beg." I'm assuming he means entry to the comedy festival and not the other things they were talking about: cigarettes and booze. Ah, let's throw cheap women in there, just to complete the archetype.
Cue one of the Monologue "Funny Men" to head towards the bar. He whines, "Is he here yet. He said he'd be here by now?" Some other young comic complains that the he's going to miss his set. "Some Like It Hot" Alexondra "Not" Lee comes out from the bathroom, breasts bouncing and breathless: "Sam! Sam! Is he here yet?" Oh, for the love of Pete. We. Get. It. Dude is important, and no, dude is not there yet. Camryn "Sam" Manheim cracks, "Who?" Alexondra snaps, "What do you mean who! Michael True." Blah trumpets blaring blah lights flashing blah. Alexondra, a comedian who has yet to be introduced to the cutting-edge concept of sarcasm, responds to Ellenor's teasing by saying point-blank, "No! Sam, he comes in with spots to fill for the Aspen Comedy festival." Perky grin. "You know! Tickets to stardom." More sarcasm. More pathetic fake comedians making fake references to the very important Michael True. I'm not even going to go there with the whole name thing. Oh, Lord, more fake checking yourself out in the bathroom mirror. Is that an anvil bearing down on my head? Yes, yes it is. Do you think that this Michael True character is important? Oh wait, this is a movie comedy, right, they must be building up to the punch line that is a rousing chorus of "we get it," and then my poor meatball -- oh wait, wrong hellish situation, for a minute there I thought I was a summer camp surrounded by a bunch of hyperactive kids who eat too much sugar and don't know how to calm down. Cue Stand-Up Guy doing his act and blah bad Keanu Reeves impression blah. Many, many fake people are laughing.
Cut back to the bar, where drinks are being mixed. Alexondra "Oh Michael True, Where Are You?" Lee is pumping up for her own performance. Sam gives her some material. Dabney Coleman gives Sam a dirty look. Alexondra doesn't notice but giggle-says she's going to do the Jefferson bit too. With her fingers crossed, she bounces away to prepare for her bit backstage. "Sam" turns to Dabney, who grumps, "Tell me you're not writing material for Malibu Barbie." Heh. Sam thinks it's a good way to see if other people think her ideas are funny. Dabney thinks Sam should get onstage. Cue the "people like me can't get on stage" speech from Camryn. She says, "I'm a heckler's buffet." Sam cajoles "Henry" about his own career. He's washed up and drinking his jokes away. I think I have some bad white wine left over from Christmas. I might just have to break it out and get drunk myself. Cue Dan Duran, a local Toronto television personality, playing a weatherman named "Storm Hale" on the local news. Oh, the jokes just don't stop around here, do they?
Insert Bitter Wanna-Be Actor/Dancer Waiter. Dabney makes some awful crack about "going his way," because it would have saved him a ton of alimony. Wow, my stomach hurts because I'm laughing so hard. Oh, stop it, ouch, yes, oh, damn, ouch, wow, ha ha ha ha ha ha, NOT. They crack some more not-funny jokes about the gay waiter, and Sam shoots "Henry" with her water jet.