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D
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Brooke and Sam are getting ready for school in the Palace bathroom. Sam is wearing this royal blue robe and shes still got that Barely Legal eye make-up happening. Shes also got Boy Georges hairstyle from the "Miss Me Blind" video. And Brooke is the superficial high-maintenance one? Brooke tells Sam that Mike and Va-Jane-Ah have given them responsibility of naming the baby. Sam then has the nerve to go off on Brooke for fooling around with Harrison during Spring Break. Brooke explains -- and quite rightfully, I might add -- that she didnt do anything wrong since, as far as she knew, Sam was with George and had no claim on Harrison. Finally Sam realizes that Brooke isnt to blame and neither is she. They both decide to get revenge on Harrison by playing him like he played them. They give each other a high five.
Credits. Again Jamie Kennedy comes out to tell us that Face Time is brought to you by Dr. Pepper. And that Dr. Pepper makes the world taste better. Wow, the body isnt even cold yet and already the sponsors have forgotten that theres a show called Popular thats actually supposed to be the main attraction of this hour.
Mrs. Fords apartment. Josh is getting ready for school, putting a piece of fruit in his bag and whatnot. Mrs. Ford enters wearing a clingy black Dacron turtleneck with no bra underneath over a sand-colored knee-length skirt. And lets just hope that its chilly in the Ford apartment because otherwise Mrs. Ford appears really really excited to see her son Josh, if you catch my drift. Mrs. Ford has some excellent news. Looks like my days of temping are over, she says, putting her hands behind her waist and thrusting her torso into Joshs line of vision so he can see just how cold it is in that apartment. Temping? Um, last we saw Joshs mom, she was working as a guidance counselor at Kennedy and dating the football coach. Somethings been glossed over here. Sounds like someone lost a job due to sexual misconduct. Did you get a job? asks Josh. I got a great job! says Mrs. Ford. A tax-bracket-changing job! I guess it was only a matter of time before Joshs mother found out about lucrative opportunities in the sex industry.
Josh is all excited for her and starts doing it with her right then and there. After they both climax, Mrs. Ford explains that she actually hasn't gotten a job as a sex worker in a whorehouse that specializes in middle-aged Seven-Sisters graduates; rather, shes going to be a human resources director at a company called Five Comp. Apparently they flipped over my psych background, she says. Um, yeah. Mrs. Ford? Your psych background consists of dropping out of college -- where you were a psych major -- to get married, and then working a connection due to your sons athletics to get a job as a guidance counselor at Kennedy, where you promptly started doing it with one of your co-workers and got fired or something a few months later. Thats not exactly a psych background. And furthermore, who flips over a job candidate who has a bachelors degree in psychology? No offense to anyone who is studying psychology, but isnt psychology the most popular major at most colleges because its the easiest workload? Nevertheless, Mrs. Ford is relieved that she can pay Joshs college tuition. Josh is also happy to hear that, but feels bad about the expense. Maybe if Id have stayed on the team I could have gotten a scholarship, he says. No scholarship is worth your unhappiness, says Mrs. Ford. Huh? I thought Josh loved football. The only reason hes not on the team anymore is because he was kicked off for doing drugs. Whats with rewriting history to make Josh a sensitive mamas boy who always hated football but just went through the motions to please his father? According to his locker room conversations with Sugar, he loved the sport. Oh, and one more thing? says Mrs. Ford gravely. Five Comp is in St. Paul, Minnesota. So were going to have to move. Josh is all, Well, I cant move. My whole life is here! My friends! Lily! Mrs. Ford points out that she has to take the job or they wont be able to send him to college. Josh suggests that they ask Dad for help. Mrs. Ford tells Josh that his father made it abundantly clear that if Josh didnt live with him, he wasnt going to pay for anything. Hello? Mrs. Ford? Theyre called divorce attorneys. For the friggin forty-seventh time, look into hiring one. California is a community property state. Josh gets pissed off that he wasnt consulted about the move. Mrs. Ford assures Josh that the job is the solution to all their problems, and she cant afford not to take it. Josh is all, You mean all your problems.
“ You know Cathy, the desperate binge-eating shopaholic from the Cathy comic strip? The one who has been a single woman on the verge of her thirties for the past fifty years? Okay, imagine a real life version of herbut on steroids. Thats Big Bertha Muffin. ”
Chem lectures about the whole philosophy behind trust falls -- earning your partners trust blah blah blah. Sam falls happily into Brookes arms. Lily, on the other hand, is grimacing as she falls into Joshs arms, and Nicole doesnt lift a finger to catch Mary Cherry, who falls to the floor with a thud. Harrison and George -- still chilly towards each other thanks to Harrison almost hooking up with Sam and being caught by George -- just stand there with their arms crossed. Chem asks Harrison what the problem is. Harrison says he just doesnt feel comfortable. Chem calls Harrison an inherent mistruster for not submitting to a trust fall. Is there a reason no one has your back? she asks him. Sam and Brooke barely hide their amusement.
At lunch, Sam and Brooke discuss their plot against Harrison and wonder if theyre being too harsh. George walks by and exchanges hellos with Brooke. Sam also calls out hello to him, but he ignores her. Trust can be restored, Sam, says Brooke. She convinces Sam that the best way to get George back is to tell him the truth: that she thought she was going to die and cant be held accountable for such an irrational action.
Over at another table, Mary Cherry holds an ice pack to her head and demands to know why Nicole didnt catch her during their trust falls. How could you let me fall like thatin public? she asks. Have you seen your fat ass, Mary Cherry? asks Nicole. Thats not an ass, thats a cast member of The Sopranos. Why should I give myself a hernia? Hee! Mary Cherry tries to convince Nicole that shes always had her back. At that moment, Big Bertha Muffin enters. You know Cathy, the desperate binge-eating shopaholic from the Cathy comic strip? The one who has been a single woman on the verge of her thirties for the past fifty years? Okay, imagine a real life version of herbut on steroids. Thats Big Bertha Muffin. And she kind of talks like Frankensteins monster in that each word has a big pause in between. YouHitMyCar, she says to Nicole, showing her the note that Mary Cherry left on her windshield and crushing a Coke can against her forehead. Nicole isnt even fazed. She points out condescendingly that although the note was signed by her, its written on Mary Cherrys personalized stationery, and therefore Mary Cherry is the one who hit her car. Big Bertha turns to Mary Cherry and tells her that shes going to pay for what she did, Wednesday at six PM at the lockers. Were going to fight, says Bertha, cracking her knuckles loudly in Mary Cherrys face. Nicole laughs. Mary Cherry faints and falls, yet again into no ones arms.
Empty classroom. George is studying. Sam enters and sits down to him. He sees her and starts to pack up his books. She gets him to stay and listen to her for a second and gives him the whole we thought we were going to die speech that she and Brooke agreed upon. That makes it okay to betray me? says George, with only slightly more emotion that a two-by-four. Sam keeps apologizing and begging for forgiveness. George is unmoved.
You Don't Tug On Superman's Cape...
“ Id go into more detail, but no matter how many times I replay the scene on my VCR, my mind keeps wandering back to household chores I should be doing. Hell, my mind even wanders back to household chores I shouldnt be doing. Its that boring! ”
The Novak. Tubas and other brass instruments play the humorous he said/she said theme while Lily tells Carmen that she might marry Josh. Carmen points out that 60 percent of teen marriages end in divorce. This makes Lily reconsider her proposal. Over in the locker room, Josh is having the same conversation with George. Because Sugar Daddy seems to have disappeared into the same black hole that swallowed Poppy Fresh, Exquisite Woo, and Adam Rothschild-Ryan, making George Joshs confidante this week. They love each other, but will they feel the same way in three months or three years? Who the hell cares? Well never find out, because this is the second-to-last episode!
Chem class. Sam. Harrison. Mutual feelings are aired. More games. They agree to go out on a date. Id go into more detail, but no matter how many times I replay the scene on my VCR, my mind keeps wandering back to household chores I should be doing. Hell, my mind even wanders back to household chores I shouldnt be doing. Its that boring!
Kennedy Hallway. Mary Cherry, wearing a Proud to be a Military Family sleeveless T-shirt, begs Sugar to protect her from Big Bertha. Sugar turns her down emphatically, but MC eventually wears his resistance down with the promise of money. While watching Behind the Musics portrayal of early nineties rap icon MC Hammer, I realized that anyone can have a posseif theyre rich, she says, holding up a cashiers check. So what do you say, Sugar? Will you hop in my Lincoln Navigator and be mah crew? Sugar agrees, as long as he doesnt have to hurt Bertha. Im only going to scare her off, he says. They approach Bertha, who is in the middle of taking change out of a payphone with a crowbar. Mary Cherry, whistling a new confident tune, introduces Bertha to her new bodyguard. Bertha, wearing a pair of brass knuckles that spell out B-I-G-B, punches Sugar, sending him flying down the hall like a giant torpedo. You hit my carand youre gonna pay, she says, breaking the crowbar in two with her bare hands. Mary Cherry runs away screaming and catches up to Sugar, who has B-I-G-B imprinted on his forehead. She tells him to go after Big Bertha again, but Sugar tells her that Hammer time is over! He rips up the cashier's check.
On the stairs, Sam brags to Brooke about her smooth moves earlier with Harrison and tells her all about the date she made with him. Brooke, barely hiding her hurt that Harrison still has feelings for Sam, congratulates her, then ups the ante by telling Sam not to show up because she will instead. Sam is secretly bummed out that she cant go on the date herself, but in order to hide her feelings, she agrees to let Brooke meet Harrison that evening at a restaurant called Wolfgang Jack's. Is that a layer of dust on my printer? I just went over it with a rag an hour ago, but I thought I might have missed something. Oh wait, its clean. Damn! When was the last time I went over my keyboard with my compressed air duster? Yesterday? Damn!