Previously on Popstars: the girls went to New York. They talked about themselves a lot. They met Regis and the other one. Tonight the girls go to Chicago. They find out that people downloaded their song (to silence its constant repetition in our heads). They meet their "biggest superfan." The poor girl finds Travis at her front door and freaks the fuck out. Then the girls perform again for fifteen hundred people. Hey, kids, that's today's secret phrase. Every time you hear the words "fifteen hundred people," scream really loud! Okay? Great! Nicole loves this. Maile hates it. Remember? I already recapped this segment at the end of the last recap. "Eden's Crush in the fast lane of fame." Oh, wretched narrator, how I won't miss one single second of your voice when this ends week.
We start with Ana Maria saying, "We're gonna make it look really hot." Cut to screaming young girls. I mean young. Ivette says she's not prepared at all. More screaming nine-year-olds. Nicole says she'll see it when she believes it. Screaming girls.
The narrator says that the girls are in Chicago, continuing their media tour. Maile screams from the cold. Ivette shares her scarf. I can't imagine that Ana Maria is going to survive the temperature here. Maile sings a song about Chicago and the guards try and push her back on the plane. Rosanna sings and dances "Get Over Yourself" to the camera while waiting for her ride at the airport. How annoying is that? I feel so bad for their cameramen. People are taking pictures of them in the airport. Ana Maria tells us in a split-screen: "It's actually really cool when I get to meet people that know me that I don't know." She says it's strange when they know her name. Rosanna cuts in to give her opinion. She says it has been very strange for her.
Shots of the wet Chicago street. The camera is following some limo around. I have a feeling it's not Eden's Crush's.
The girls are at B96, a Chicago pop music station. Nicole wore the stupid hat. The girls huddle together around one microphone. The DJ puts on so much "excitement" to announce the girls on the show that you can tell he has no idea who he's talking to. Maile cuts in to explain that there's a 99.9\% chance that you won't make it in this business, and there's a 0.1\% chance that you will. She says there's a small voice in the back of her head saying that quite possibly no one will come to the show. Why, did St. Elmo stop paying people to like you? The girls sing on the radio as the narrator tells us that "Get Over Yourself" is the most-requested song on that station, so they should get a full house.
Oh, I love this line by the DJ: "Eddie, you know I love amazing statistics. Here's one. Sixty thousand people downloaded the new single 'Get Over Yourself' this past weekend alone. Sixty thousand people!" "Eddie," the saddest intern in the land, gives the required whistling noise. The girls forget that they are on the radio and just make surprised faces and stick their tongues out at the news.
The girls take pictures with the DJ and hug him while the narrator tells us that the single is a hit and fifteen hundred people will be at the show. Scream real loud!
The cameraman finds Nicole stumbling around the wet streets of Chicago. She's looking all around and spinning. "We're here in the beautiful windy streets of Chicago!" Someone wrangle that girl back in before she catches pneumonia.
The girls pile into the limo as the narrator tells us that there are only a few hours left before their live performance. Ivette shares her feelings: "If kids are like, 'Ivette! I love you!' or something, I don't -- I -- I -- I'm just gonna love it!"
A tiny Björk girl says (completely unprompted to the camera), "I think Ivette has the best personality." Perhaps Björkette missed the first couple of episodes. A blonde girl behind Björkette agrees. She bounces up and down rhythmically and says, "Yeah. She has the coolest hair, too." Hired Young Girl #48 to them turns around and asks, "How long do I have to wear this stupid zebra jacket? I look like a fucking moron. Mom! I told you I don't want to be an extra." Ivette giggles and says, "I don't know! I just want them to -- to -- just see me and us and who we are and...and think that we could like, hang out or something!" Ivette wants to hang out with eight-year-old girls. Okay.
Okay, again I have to say here that recapping young girls is very, very hard. If you're one of the young girls that I'm dissing here, you should know that I think it's wonderful that you're getting attention and that you're proud of who you are and you just go out there and do things you want to do. Having said that, you're in a very weird time in your life where you will constantly make poor decisions like clothing, food, make-up, and Eden's Crush. Later you will also look back on this and laugh. But for right now, we'll probably be the only ones laughing.
Cut to a blonde girl in a purple "Cutie" shirt. "Hi, I'm Jenny, and I'm twelve. And I am the ultimate Popstars fan." She sits in front of a Pooh bear, a Garfield, and something that looks suspiciously like an Alf.
Cut to poor Jenny Leckie sitting right in front of her giant television watching the video for "Get Over Yourself." Her face is one of, "I'm gonna look dorky if you film me watching this video. I can't believe you're making me sing along with the song. I wore my good purple eye-shadow for this." The narrator tells us that the WB discovered Jenny on the Popstars website. I find this hard to believe. That forum is filled with trolls. Popstars has decided to "surprise" Jenny with a chance to see the girls perform live and meet them in person.
Jenny stands before six videotapes. She points at all of them and says that she's recorded every episode. She's punched out the little tab on the side so they can't get recorded over and put a "Property of Jenny" sticker on them so the rest of her family knows that she doesn't want them recorded over. Okay, Jenny, if you're reading: I used to do the same thing with 21 Jump Street. And they never asked me to meet Johnny Depp, so you're still better than I am. ["Pamie, I did the same thing, and ditto for the lack of results. Obviously, or I'd be stalking Johnny at this very moment." -- niki] The sticker says, "Do not tape over. For Jen's use only. Popstars." They do a close-up on that because this is some important information in the making of an all-girl band.
Cut to Jenny sitting to her Karaoke machine. She says, "The CD that is always in my Karaoke machine is my Eden's Crush 'Get Over Yourself' single." Well, I guess she means the CD that has been in her Karaoke machine since the crew handed it to her five seconds ago, since this had to have been taped about three minutes after this single was released.
Cut to Jenny geeking out in front of the television again. She voice-overs: "Well, I was watching Popstars, and I saw at the end they said Eden's Crush's single 'Get Over Yourself' was going to be in stores Tuesday, March 13th. So, I was thinking, 'Okay. I have to save up money for this. I am definitely going to get that single the day it comes out.'" She read that so well, didn't she?
Jenny stands with her two friends and is dancing. The narrator tells us that Jenny's friends are already "in the know." Okay. So, Jenny's friends. First of all, Jenny is very tall and maybe that's why her friends look the way they look. There are lots of things that I could say about Jenny's friends, but I won't. It's not nice. So, I'm not going to say that one of Jenny's friends is clearly a forty-nine-year-old woman trapped in the body of a seven-year-old. I'm not going to say that this lady is still trying to dress like a forty-nine-year-old woman and has put this tiny girl in a sequined blouse, old-lady jewelry, and granny hair. I'm not going to say that she's awkward and lives in constant fear of getting stepped on by the other two. I'm not going to say that Jenny's other friend must be constantly ignored because she's neither a tall fanatic nor a tiny old-lady pre-teen.
I will say that this segment is incredibly fake. We watch Jenny "innocently" hanging with her friends as Travis pulls up in a limo. I guess Jenny has no idea why she's being recorded with her friends, answering questions about Popstars. Travis runs through the cold in his black sassy clothes. He turns to us and says condescendingly, "We are at the home of Jenny, who's the ultimate Popstars fan. She has no idea I'm here and she doesn't even know that she's going to go see the girls tonight."
Travis just lets himself into the house and knocks on Jenny's bedroom door. The door is decorated with pictures of the girls and some printout that "Jenny" made declaring herself the ultimate fan. Jenny opens the door, looks at the camera, waits for the signal, and then lets out a blood-curdling scream. Once the door opens you can see that Travis wasn't actually at Jenny's bedroom door, but her apartment front door, which makes the placing of the "ultimate fan" printouts that much more ridiculous. The camera from INSIDE THE HOUSE films Jenny turning around in shock. Jenny's older sister shouts from somewhere in the house, "Jenny! Shut up! You're such a spaz! It's just a television show! Turn off the tape!" The cameramen find each other inside Jenny's house as Jenny is running around the living room. Jenny's friends stand in the back of the house. It's time for the little one's medication. I didn't just say that. Jenny's older brother accidentally walks out of the kitchen, sees what's going on, and then hides against the refrigerator. Jenny is freaking out, but she's mostly staring at the cue cards. "Oh my God! You're Travis Payne! You're the choreographer!" Travis leans way in (I do love me some Travis, because he knows that we know that he knows we know) and says, "You're Jenny!" Jenny screams and says she is. "You're the ultimate fan," Travis says, while giving "the signal" with his head to the other friends to come running up as Jenny starts screaming. Oh, God. Jenny's friends. I'm not going to say here that the little old lady friend here almost falls over from laughing at everything. The other quiet friend is open-mouthed. Clearly they were told to give a reaction shot here. Jenny is hugging Travis and screaming "Oh, my God!" as we see the other cameraman filming Jenny's friends.
"Casually," all three girls just sit down with Travis to chat. There's almost no room for Little Old Lady Friend, but Quiet One moves over. Travis asks Jenny to tell him what she likes about the show. Quiet One moves forward so she's in the shot. Jenny says, "I -- I -- I don't like it. I love it." Little Old Lady Friend turns to us and smiles. God, help me, I'm not going to say anything bad about this girl but it's obvious that her three divorces over the years have been rough on her. I'm not going to tell you that she looks like a high school drama teacher. I want to find this girl's mother and smack her around for dressing this poor child like she's about to play Bridge. Jenny continues: "Popstars shows that there is a lot of talent out there and there are girls who don't make it even if they do have enough talent. And Ivette, Ana Maria, Maile, Rosanna, and Nicole all proved that they have enough dancing talent and enough vocal talent that they were able to make it into a group." She is good at the memorization, isn't she?
No! Travis is making Jenny get up now in her living room in front of her remaining friends and the nation and learn the dance moves to "Get Over Yourself." Jenny is taller than Travis. Travis pushes her around in a circle, trying to find the best way to make himself look taller and more fabulous. He counts out the moves, but somehow, miraculously, Jenny seems to already know them. Little Old Lady Friend adjusts her new shoulder. Seriously, she's in a sequined dress and hair that looks like she had to sleep in rollers. It's so mean.
They try it with the music, and with Travis supplying the "Ugh!" noise that's so needed to keep a beat. Jenny's friends smile at each other and clap. Where the hell is Jenny's family? Even they're too embarrassed to be seen on the WB. That's so sad. Travis claps and says that it was wonderful and Jenny's friends are trying to stop laughing. They all hug. Seriously, where the hell is Jenny's family?
After the break, Nicole gets lost in some snow. They get ready to perform in front of fifteen hundred fans, sayeth the narrator. That's right, kids. Scream real loud! Jenny and her two friends are whisked away by a limo to the show. Still no sign of parental responsibility. The limo driver has to wipe the smirk off his face when he sees Little Old Lady Friend. Seriously, you like see her and know instantly that you're going to Hell and there's nothing you can do because it's that fucking funny.
After the commercial we have more "candid" "interviews." Someone asks a couple of girls who should know better why they like Eden's Crush. They stare at each other daring the other one to tell the truth: that they love Eden's Crush and totally thought no one would see them come to this performance. The one on the left eventually caves and says, "They're very interesting. Like, they're like, like us, like...real life...girls, like."
Inside the limo, Maile tells us that people heard about the in-store performance and then wanted to come and see it. The problem with this show is if you miss one second of it, you're totally lost for the rest of the half-hour.
Paid Extra Kid (and Stuttering John trainee) #902 says: "Big fans. Watch it all the time." Number 903 looks right into the camera, holds up the CD and echoes, "All the time."
Inside the limo Nicole admits she's "a little scared." We cut before she can tell us that she's scared because she dropped her Percosets behind the back seat.
Paid Extra Kid #201 says that she's always wanted to dance and sing, and the girls "like, inspire [her]." She almost forgets the word "inspire," though, and she has to look up for a second to remember her line.
Hee. This narrator: "It's a day like never before." Normally we only hear those six words if the rest of the cast is about to break out into a song and dance number about getting to the church on time. "A live performance in front of fifteen hundred fans." Scream real loud! It's not even like that's an impressive number of people, really. Kids scream.
The narrator tells us that the girls are getting ready to perform, but we just see Ivette shaking her hips in front of a vanity mirror.
Jenny and her Funny Friends get into a limo.
We see a split screen of a limo driving and the girls sitting in a limo. Ivette admits she's still nervous about the fan part.
Cut to a gaggle of young girls staring at the camera. "Hi, Eden's Crush," they say without any emotion. They all wave the same hand at the same time. Perfect.
Back in the limo, Ivette finishes, "Like, that's the new part that I'm not used to." I guess she's used to people hating her all the time, and she probably assumed that at least two of her fans would be over thirteen, but things don't always turn out the way you planned them, Ivette.
Inside Awkward Limo Unlimited, Jenny is bragging to her two friends that she's going to get to meet "Ivette and Rosanna and Ana Maria and Maile and Nicole..." At this point, Little Old Lady Friend tries to bust in with a joke about Jenny freaking out when she meets them, but Jenny just keeps listing off the names of the girls because the crew told her that she had to. Little Old Lady Friend sees the cameraman mouth, "Shut up!" and she stops talking.
Back in the Limo of Delusion, Maile is telling us that her friends and her family are her fans and now there are strangers walking up to her saying they love her show and that she rocks. Nicole has passed out to them.
Jenny tells her friends that she thinks they'll sing "Get Over Yourself." Her two friends have the most patient faces I've ever seen in my life. You know they hate themselves some Eden's Crush and they just have to hear this crap day in and day out. They nod and wait for Jenny to turn one year older so she gets an unhealthy obsession with the skater boy on the corner instead of five whiny girls.
Okay, so Rosanna suddenly has a thick Latino accent. I think the puffy space jacket they've put her in (Ana Maria and Nicole wear them too) makes her think she's a member of TLC and since she's no Left-Eye, she's just Lopez-ing out. She explains fans thusly: "Usually fans are people who don't even know you but like have this incredible attachment to you." Ivette tries to interrupt her, but Rosanna doesn't let her.
Jenny looks out the limo window and sees "all these girls," I guess waiting outside. "I feel so happy," she says. Her two friends have been distracted by the intensity of their shoelaces.
The girls are in their limo singing and singing. Does anyone like that "Good for the Gander" song? Man, that's some dumb songwriting right there. How can you sing "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" with a straight face?
The girls are all trying to pump themselves up before walking out into this "massive crowd." They're all telling each other they're going to be just fine. They all put on their puffy silver jackets so they look like MTV Moonmen. "I love you guys," Ivette says, but no one answers her back. Nicole tells us in a split screen (she's wearing her blue flower and puka shells), "Everything just happened so fast. This whole world. This whole, like, little Popstars world. It all just happens fast. And I know this is just the beginning."
Paid fans hold up a handmade sign saying they love Nicole. They say, "We love you, Nicole," like they're pissed they got the bitchy one.
The Sam Goody lady working the counter on this unfortunate day tells us that they gave away "fifteen hundred" ("AAAAUGH!") wristbands and she could have "easily given away another three or four thousand." Does it count as "giving away" if you have to throw them off a roof and hope that someone picks one up off the street?
Some extras are late, and the narrator tells us that the crowd "grows bigger by the minute." They must have been told they'd be on TRL, because they've brought signs. It must not be a school day or it's a field trip or something because this place is packed with kids.
Some poor girl finally gets her big break on the WB with this monologue: "You don't understand. I've been waiting for this, I bought their CD Tuesday at nine o' clock in the morning! I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up at two in the morning, singing and dancing -- 'Get over yourself, goodbye!'" Her friends to her have the following inner dialogue: "We hate her." "She's so annoying." "I can't believe she dragged us here." "God, she's retarded." "Oh, no. She danced. Now we have to watch this episode in addition to having to come to this stupid in-store performance." "I can't believe she wore that tiny pink belly shirt. Don't let me forget to buy the Outkast CD, okay?" "Huh? Sorry, I'm going into a coma." "Hey, good idea."
Some young girl dances the video moves awkwardly and sings while some guy stands behind her and creepily sips from his straw. I remember this segment when it was the opening to The Making of Michael Jackson's "Thriller".
"It's all about Eden's Crush," three girls say like zombies. Why just girls? Where are the sweet gay boys that love Rosanna the drag queen?
Two young girls are singing "feeling you, loving you, filling your desires." They are maybe six. They are wearing t-shirts that have been spray-painted. You know the shirts you can buy at Six Flags that say your name and your boyfriend's name that you see the trashy ones wearing? Yeah, these poor girls are scarred, yo.
Somehow Bea has showed up to this thing. Well, this girl thinks she's Bea, anyway. She's dancing and singing by the video rack.
I got my wish! Sweet gay boys singing their asses off. They've made their own tie-dyed shirts but one's got a jacket over his, so I can only read part of the words written in marker, but it looks like "Eden's Curtis Crush." The one on the right loves Eden's Crush more than the one on the left. They sort of fade out the song when the one on the left doesn't pick up on Ivette's backup parts. He's just pissed that he's not showcased enough in this segment. He adds some hand movements at the end.
This girl with braces says the word "like" seventeen times to explain that she thinks the girls are full of energy, awesome, and are like "normal teens." Teens? Heh.
A very tiny girl in plaid pushes up her glasses and says she thinks they are "very pretty." Where are all of the parents, people? I'd like to hear just one of them go, "Well, they're really just a bunch of asses and titties, aren't they? I miss hearing 'Muthafuckas forgot about Dre' through her bedroom door. It was a simpler time back then. I mean, if the band has skillz, I can understand, but these bitches and hos ain't shit, you know?"
A young boy has been paid to get on his knees and beg Nicole to marry him. Other girls giggle and squeal.
Two girls by the discount rack go into a Bring It On tribute to Eden's Crush. Lightning strikes them immediately for such blasphemy.
"For Jenny and her friends, it's too good to be true." That sounds like a setup, doesn't it? Jenny gets out with her Tweety Bird backpack, and someone helps Little Old Lady Friend to her walker. Inside the store they stand all by themselves as Jenny points out which part of the store is "the stage."
Travis peeks into the green room to see how the girls are doing. They rehearse "the final touches" on their "moves." Today they've decided to burn my retinas with hot pink tops. I hate Eden's Crush, people. So much. That...flames....flames. On the side of my face...heaving. Breath.
Rosanna dances and in a split screen tells us: "I can feel my entire body just being like, completely turned with energy and that always happens when I go onstage." At this point I'd like to never quote Rosanna again. That would make me very happy. She's never said anything that means anything and she's never added to the show once.
Travis walks Jenny and her friends over to the green room.
Ivette and Rosanna stand behind the door as Ivette slowly opens it. Ivette is turned facing the crew, following directions to "slowly open the door and then see who it is." But she forgets the "see who it is" part and is totally scared by Jenny screaming on cue. Quiet Friend runs in behind Jenny who is screaming, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" Travis looks down and sees that he's almost stepped on Little Old Lady friend who is getting crushed by the crew in the hall. Eden's Crush stands in a line and pretend they have an interest in Jenny, who is still just shouting and screaming.
Time passes and the girls stare at Jenny. She has her arms out stiff and she's still repeating, "This is so cool. Oh, my gosh." Finally, Rosanna puts out an arm and touches Jenny's back. "Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!" she reminds her. Ivette and Nicole touch Jenny. Little Old Lady Friend has been swept away by the undercurrent of Electric Youth perfume. Jenny gets my favorite line of the episode: "I've been wanting to meet you forever." FOREVER. Someone asks her if she likes the show. "It's wonderful! It's my favorite thing!" "Really?" Nicole asks, knowing that it's impossible to have this show be a favorite anything. "It's so cool. You guys are..." Jenny looks up to read the cue card. "Wonderful!" The girls coo back in unison.
Time passes. Nicole is petting Jenny's hand. Jenny turns to Ana Maria and says, "I can totally relate to you because I'm tall, too!" Ivette immediately pouts because she's not the one being related to. Ana Maria shouts, "I know! You're as tall as me [sic]!" In a split screen Ana Maria squints and says with much disdain, "It was really cool because she was, like, twelve years old and here she is coming in here and looking up to you and whatever. She, um, kinda connected to me because I was she was really tall girl [sic] [sic] [sic]." Ana Maria finishes with something about how just being able to make someone smile by giving an autograph is a wonderful thing. How very.
Someone asks Jenny how to spell her name "full-out." Jenny explains that it's "J-E-N-N-Y." The girls sign a poster as the narrator explains that this is only one of seven promotional posters made. Oh, my ass. That room is wallpapered with Eden's Crush posters. ["And doing a print run of seven? That would be oh so economical." -- niki] Travis announces to the girls that he and Jenny have a surprise for her. Jenny's face immediately registers, "Oh, please God. No." But Travis wants to solidify Jenny's place in Loser Hell and makes her stand in front of the rest of the girls. He counts off and says he's going to dance with her. They start dancing to Travis singing the song. The girls all realize that they're supposed to cheer along to this and start making appreciative noises. Ana Maria, Ivette, and Rosanna try not to laugh as Nicole watches with a gaping mouth. Nicole then shouts, "What? What?" The dancing ends and the girls all scream and applaud.
Jenny stands in the middle for a group photo. "It's a moment that Jenny will never forget," the narrator tells us. Ana Maria hugs Jenny. "And neither will Eden's Crush." Yeah, right. Jenny stands with the poster all rolled up and crumpled in her arms as she tells them it was really cool to meet them. She thanks them. Maile hugs her.
After the break they'll finally perform for Jenny, her friends, and lots of paid extras.
You know what's great? All the people that didn't make the callbacks for Popstars now get much more cash doing the Levi's commercials.
Travis is giving the girls a pep talk before they go onstage. He mentions that there are "fifteen hundred people" (go ahead, I'll wait) and that it's "wonderful." He tells them to have fun and enjoy it. He says if they make a mistake to just go on and have fun anyway. Ivette tells the circle, "No matter what? These people came to see us? And to see us have a good time." No matter what.
The girls slowly walk out of the green room and over to the stage as the narrator builds some sort of "tension" that is not unlike the feeling I have right now that this recap will never be finished. Ana Maria tells us in a split screen that she's usually nervous right before she goes onstage. See? That's the importance of a show like this. You'd never know these kinds of struggles without this confessional part of the show.
Some Limp Dipshit guy announces Eden's Crush like he cares. Some other guy in a ski cap stands to him and cheers. The audience screams their heads off and the girls take the stage. They laugh because they had no idea their budget included paying off fifteen hundred people. People take pictures as the girls all scream things at once into their head mics, so you can't hear anything but the occasional "Chicago!"
Unfortunately the girls immediately begin lip-synching to "What's Good For the Goose Is Good For the Gander," and since none of those young girls have ever heard the song, no one can sing along. The just clap and dance. Hello, Ivette. I know you think you look pretty, but nobody is supposed to actually wear yellow eye shadow. That's only there as a joke.
Hee. Little Old Lady Friend might have a stroke during the concert. I think her hair is a wig. You can't achieve a Golden Girls look under the age of ten naturally, can you? The girls keep lip-synching. Some "fan" has painted her face in lipstick. Some fans are paid to stand on the other side of a pane of glass and cheer. There are some older men that hide when the cameras come around. Someone is wearing a Burger King crown.
Maile gets a split screen: "When I went on that stage and fifteen hundred people [scream it, baby] were all staring up at the stage looking at us. Screaming. There were girls crying in the audience. There is nothing you can prepare yourself for for that. Nothing." I wish Maile liked something.
Some little girl in a stupid cowboy hat screams at the camera. The girls lip-synch. The audience is starting to get tired of screaming. A girl old enough to know better has worn a lime green jacket and lined her eyes in eyeliner so thick she's almost wearing a disguise. The girls finally finish the song and the audience freaks out. Vince Vaughn is somehow in the audience, and he hides his face behind his hand. Nicole gives a "Namaste" bow to the audience. People touch Ana Maria. Rosanna thanks the crowd for coming out and we cut to an older girl who was obviously just laughing at how dumb all of this is, but they cut it so it looks like she's in tears. The girls introduce themselves. Someone's walking around onstage. Maile thanks everyone that came out. "Especially the fans!" Maile must have thought she was giving an acceptance speech.
The girls go into their Boyz II Men ballad. Some of the audience wave their hands in the air. Some scream. Some wonder how much longer they contractually have to stand there.
Oh, man. Nicole is crazy drugged up. Her eyes are all glassy and they've put some sort of smelling salts on her to keep her awake. She says, "I remember being onstage and feeling at home. And I remember my whole body felt so warm. And I wanted to make eye-contact with every single person out there just to say, 'Thank you so much for being here.'" Man, I want some of her drugs.
The crying-laughing girl from earlier is shown snarking to her friend again. Oh, Ivette has a verse in this song. No wonder we rarely hear it. We see the same shot of the lipstick-face girl cheering. Lime Green Older Girl doesn't know the words, but sasses her head around and opens her mouth like she does. Ivette screws up her lip-synching just a bit and we see her inhale before we hear it. The crowd is quite subdued at this point. The cameramen walk onto the stage and the crowd realizes the song is ending, so they start cheering harder. Lipstick girl points at the camera and gives a "number one" sign. Jenny screams.
Ana Maria introduces "Get Over Yourself," as a song that's "in stores right now." Nicole's head wobbles precariously on her shoulders as she shouts again, "What? What?" Which is exactly what I said after I heard her do that. Nicole is always adding just a bit more to her parts, isn't she? About nineteen girls in the audience actually know the words and sing along. The rest of them forgot to do their homework.
Okay, so yeah. I have to hear this damn song again. Ana Maria tells us in a split screen how great it feels to be onstage and how she has energy "come out of [she doesn't] know where." She says she just projects it. They've already added an extended dance remix to the end of the song. The girls hold the ending pose while the audience cheers for a long time because it's finally over. The girls thank Chicago and run offstage. The narrator says that "although it's gone well, the girls are overwhelmed." Oh, God. Can't they like anything?
Back in the green room Maile says she didn't expect to hear people screaming. Some man in the back is offering to help Rosanna take off her clothes. Maile's going on about how "unreal" it all was as Nicole sits back with her eyes closed, allowing the recent heroin fix to soar through her veins. Ana Maria has wrapped her hair in a towel and is drinking water.
The girls sit for autographs. It shouldn't take long if there are only six promotional posters left. Rosanna says things about how all kinds of people (mothers, kids, babies, young boys, "old boys and men") came to see them, but I'm not recapping what Rosanna says anymore. Ooh, I do have to say this, because it's great. She goes, "I mean, I was like, 'Who the hell are we?'" Man, that's almost the best line of the episode, but Jenny's "Forever" line is still my favorite.
Speaking of, we flashback to Jenny getting petted by Nicole while she talks to Ana Maria. Jenny stands and says to us, "I'm just so high. This is just one of the best days in my life." So she did get to spend some time with Nicole, then.
Outside there are more paid fans to surround the limo. They cheer and point at the camera. The girls jump into the limo. Ivette is already on her cell phone. Ana Maria pulls hers out. Maile tells us: "It was so overwhelming. But at the same time we pulled through, we, you know, we had so much fun." Behind her Nicole and Travis hold hands and coo at each other. They really do. Ivette gets a close-up so we don't see the love in the backseat. It has to be that because the alternative is that she had something important to say. You be the judge. "I don't know. It's just like...I don't know." "I'm speechless," Maile says off-camera. "I am too," Ivette says. "I don't know." Nicole has stopped mugging with Travis and lifts her eyelids to say, "Every once in a while I'd look up and I'd just have to take a breath." Rosanna says something I'm not going to recap. But it's about her emotions. She lists about nineteen emotions. Maile says that when they started singing "Good For the Gander" that Eden's Crush came alive for the first time. Everyone else is still amazed at how amazing and beautiful they all are. "It was like our first live concert," Maile says. Uh, "like?"
Rosanna's on her cell phone crying to someone about something, but it's not so much that I'm refusing to recap her here, but the fact that they have the mic somewhere else in the limo. All I can hear are Nicole and Travis flirting, Ana Maria and Ivette on their cell phones, and I think the limo driver calling his mother to apologize for ruining his life. Everyone is crying. Ana Maria cries and tells the person on the phone that all kinds of people came to see the show. She says something that gets blanked out and she's holding a pink blankie. I can't hear her anymore because Travis is cracking himself up about something. Rosanna is crying and saying something about signing autographs, but Travis is still cracking himself up. Ana Maria is saying, "People were just reaching out just to like, touch us," but you can hardly hear her talking. The camera pans over to Ivette's monotone voice talking to someone on her cell phone. She's crying and saying something about love and how this was an important show. Behind her, Nicole is passed out in Travis' arms. I'm not kidding. Pan back over to Ana Maria who is still crying, saying she's "happy and so emotional." Over her you can hear Ivette tell the person on the phone that they had "fifteen hundred people" at the concert. I scream and then rip a fingernail out. Ana Maria cries. Pan over to Ivette crying.
Nicole gets her own confessional here, since she slept through the sad part: "I remember sitting in the limo and I think I was so in shock. Everybody else was crying except for me. I think that if I fully digested it...then...I wouldn't be able to...comprehend it that...it's happening." That's some nice talking, there. As she talks we see all of the girls dabbing at their make-up with tissues. Rosanna turns to Nicole and whispers, "You know we're still on-camera, right?" Nicole sits with her arms crossed around her waist, staring at the floor. She looks up and her eyes are completely emotionless.
"See you week at the concert!" the girls all shout and smile into the camera. "We love you!" Ana Maria begins to say, but the star graphic shuts her up.
Oh. My. God. I'm recapping a concert week? How much does that suck?