I really don't like this show anymore.
Previously on Popstars: a photo shoot. The girls yawned, posed, cried, whined, and bitched.
Tonight the girls will be whisked to New York for media shoots, to meet a fan, perform on Regis and Kelly, and then record the final song for the album. Oh, and then they cry quite a bit. And there're only like two more episodes before we say, "Get over yourself, goodbye." I can't wait.
Yeah, I was right there
Like good writer
I was recapping all you need
Making things seem brighter
I was feeling you, entertaining you, feeding your desires
But that was then, this is now
I stabbed myself in the eye.
Ooh, oooh, oh.
If I could choose sides
Ooh, oooh, oh.
I'd scoop out their insides
The girls are dancing in a van as the narrator tells us that they have been together now for four months and they don't have to keep their identities a secret anymore. We see the girls get their pictures taken by a few crusty men.
Cut to the girls on KTLA, the Los Angeles WB's morning news show. The "news" man asks Nicole if this has changed her life. She's all drugged up on something fierce as she props her eyelids open with her microphone to slur that it's "definitely" changed her life. "It is a dream come true and we all feel very blessed and fortunate to be here but it is a really hard [sic]. But we love it. I mean, we love, I, I love it. Personally." The other girls stand there and hold their microphones. Rosanna looks furious that they've still got her in that bad bob haircut. The newsman asks "what's the thing" that got them picked over any of the other girls. He says this while snapping his fingers, as if there's some sort of magic to all of this. Maile says it's all about if they can interact with each other and work well within a group. This is coming from the person that didn't have to go through any of the workshops or auditions. She lisps around saying that they all work really well together and they knew that from day one. Yeah. After they had been chosen. Does Maile not know we watch the show? Well, I guess it's a pretty safe assumption to think that we don't. Because I wouldn't if I didn't have to. No one watches this show with me anymore. I used to be able to invite all sorts of people over to watch it with me. Now there's nobody even slightly interested anymore.
The girls are now packing to leave for New York. Maile tells us in a split screen that they are going to be in the public eye. Ana Maria tells us in a split screen that she's not going to worry about it. She's going to be herself and not stress about anything.
The plane takes off and the closed captioning says, "Line it up, baby! Hey!" but I don't hear those words from anywhere.
Now we're in New York. We watch the girls, sped up, getting in and out of the van. The narrator explains that the girls are in New York for two days on a promotional tour. Have any of you gotten that yet? It's NEW YORK. They're on a PROMOTIONAL TOUR. You are LOSING VALUABLE MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE.
The girls start with Z100's morning show. "The most listened to radio station in the country." Huh. In a split screen the DJ tells us that you can "spot stars" when they walk in. He says that the girls "walk the walk and talk the talk" and he thinks the song is amazing. So, you know, this guy has clearly been paid to say these things. That and his name is "Cubby." We get a flashback of the Z100 disk jockey that crashed the New York auditions. The girls play nice-nice with him again in the studio, saying they remember him, even when they didn't audition in New York. "You had the kilt on," one of them says. Uh, he didn't. Thinking that anyone cares about him or finds him "amusing," he's going on and on about how he's a little angry with the girls for getting his slot.
Cue Sound Cue #2094: "Finally the big moment arrives." The girls sit down for their radio interview. The DJ is Paul "Cubby" Bryant, and I'm pretty sure he used to DJ in Houston back when I was in high school. I can't remember if he was on 104 KRBE or if he was on the Mix 96 station. I think he did bad pop, though. I'm pretty sure he's the DJ my friend spoke to when she won a New Kids on the Block concert. Why do I care? This is what my brain does to avoid slipping into a coma during this show. He's all pseudo-excited about introducing Eden's Crush, and all of the girls talk on the radio at once. He asks if this is their first radio interview. They all talk over each other to say that it is. He asks if they're excited to be in New York. They all talk at the same time to say that they are. Ana Maria tries to thank him for having them on, but he interrupts her to ask if they were nervous being at the station. Rosanna says she was but then they all seemed "really warm," so she wasn't nervous anymore. Ivette says it's more important to her than anyone else since she's from New York. The clock's time goes back and forth through the ten minutes, showing that this is all chopped out of order. Cubby gives up on getting anything interesting from these girls and has them sing some of "Get Over Yourself." They do. One of them has added these breathy moments during the pauses to get herself some more stage time. Ivette, I'm looking over at your deviated septum.