You know what I hate? The previews for this show are never actually in the show itself. I waited all week to hear at whom Travis bitched, "You're slowing everyone else down."
This show is killing my VCR. At this point, any time I record the show the sound is all garbled. Wait. Oh. Gracias, St. Clare.
Previously on Popstars: We see twenty-six shots of gyrating, over-enunciating girlie-girls. We're told that they're the last twenty-six from the original "thousands." Our narrator: "Tonight, they'll have to prove it again, as they face an intense workshop in Los Angeles with Roger Love, one of the top vocal coaches in the business. Then they'll sing for the man that has the most power over their future, GRAMMY-Award-winning composer David Foster." We see the girls sing and dance around. David Foster tells the girls that if they aren't prepared for the rejection part of this business, then they should get out immediately. ["And then email Mighty Big TV and beg to be interviewed." -- Wing Chun] Nikki tells us that one girl told her that she already knows she got cut, and that she's on the bus out of there. Girls cry and hold each other as the narrator reminds us again that the "stakes are high and the tension is unbearable." Pretty Alexandra cries through her eye-sequins and says, "Everybody's making it so difficult for everyone." Six will be cut by the end of the episode. Tiny Squares of Girls and Fun fill the screen, and my VCR makes a small shrill noise, not unlike a death wail or an alarm.
LAX. The girls arrive at the airport and somehow are all arriving on flights that land at the same time. They greet and hug each other. The narrator tells us that the girls decided to put the pressures aside and "enjoy the moment." Okay. Some are filming each other. Petagay dances and says, "I'm on the West Coast!" The student says she's just happy to be out of school. Alexis has worn giant sunglasses with a tiny rhinestone heart on the bottom of the rim. ["I have a pair of those! Niki's boyfriend Josh got them for me. Only mine are aqua instead of black." -- Wing Chun] She says she's so happy to be in Los Angeles. Isadelle, sans Scarytwin, is proving her ability to learn names quickly. Baby has worn giant pink sunglasses. "We have arrived," she smiles.
Same montage of Sunset Strip clubs flashes by. Shops on the same street (but in the daytime, so it looks like another location). Palm trees. The girls are then "whisked away from the airport" and stuck on top of a double-decker bus for a "grand tour of Los Angeles." Man, that would be a long-ass tour, people. This is clearly just a tour of Hollywood. Alexis raises her hand and says, "This is definitely not New York." The girls all start singing, "Dah-dah-dah-nuh-nah-nah Hollywood!" Again, not a single one of them learned the song before they started singing. The bus heads straight towards Stee's apartment. I watch the bus get closer and closer to his place as Petagay talks about how ethnically diverse the finalists are. Before I have a chance to finish laughing, the girls are driving right in front of my own street. "Are we in Beverly Hills?" one girl screeches. Uh, no. You're in my driveway. Could y'all just back the fuck up? Petagay sings again, and I'm relieved to see Baby staring in the opposite direction from my front door.
Cut to the hotel. "The girls prepare for a big night out." This means each girl helps her roommate choose the worst outfit she can find, and make sure that at least her own roommate looks worse than she does. They're really starting to cancel each other out. Baby and Cheaza are rooming together. Cheaza is wearing an ensemble from the Jimi Hendrix Psychedelic Vomit Collection. Alexandra lines her lips. Ivette puts on a mask and threatens to go to the party like that. Isadelle is trying to hide behind the bathroom door because the camera is filming her in just a towel. Nicole wiggles and tells us she's a little nervous. Now that we're starting to see Nicole more, I have to take back the Beyoncé comment. She no longer resembles her. She looks more like Paula Abdul.
"Then it's off to one of L.A.'s hottest nightspots, The Continental, where the girls will see the judges for the first time since their auditions." Now, I may be new to Los Angeles, but I'm capable of using the Yellow Pages. I've got the street number of this club and the name, and I can't find anything on The Continental anywhere. Unless it's the Crush Bar, and then they're just filming the wrong place. The closest Continental I could find with this matching street number is a check-cashing place. Travis beams into the camera that he's so happy the girls have arrived at the bar.
Cheaza says she's going to have fun and dance tonight. "Travis is gonna break us down a little bit," she says.
We're introduced once again to Travis, Jaymes, and Jennifer. We're told the girls are at the club to "relax and get to know each other." Alexandra shows off this fluid motion thing she can do with her arms. Nikki laughs at someone off-camera. We pan by a group of girls, but all you notice is the remarkable amount of bare flesh on display. We're reminded again that six girls will be asked to leave by the end of this episode. This doesn't stop four of the girls from dancing with each other. Isadelle tells us that it's nice right now because they haven't started working yet, so it hasn't all kicked in.
We watch the girls find their hotel rooms again. This makes some start turning in circles while holding pieces of paper. Weren't they just there a few hours ago? How can you forget your room that quickly?
Baby looks into the camera (still in her pink sunglasses) and asks if the cameras are still going to be there while she's sleeping. Isadelle is closing the bathroom door (in her towel, because this is a clip from earlier). Quick Tiny Squares of Girls and Fun.
Workshop. Day One. 9:00 AM. Kerrie tells us she knows this is going to be "a lot of hard work." Travis twirls around behind her. As we cut to a split screen of girls dancing, Kerrie continues and says that this is what all of them have always wanted.