Previously on Party of Five: Claudia got into Juilliard, but didn't want to go because it meant being far from Todd and her family. Justin went back to Yale, but only temporarily. A client named Bruce Kimball offers to get Bailey into business school. Charlie decides to keep the furniture business small, and wants Bailey to be his partner, and Bailey agrees to think about it.
Fade up on a picture of the cast from the first season. Bailey shuts the refrigerator door, where the picture was hanging. Bailey asks Owen if he wants another piece of French toast before heading back to the basement, but Owen is full. Victor walks in and expresses surprise that Bailey made breakfast. Owen says they're going to "the exploratorium" after school. Victor says, "And it's not even a Saturday," and wonders if it's a slow day at work. Bailey says, "Kind of," and tells Owen to go get ready for school. Bailey takes Owen's dishes to the sink, and sets them in there and then just stands there. Victor points out that they "get cleaner if you get them wet" and then asks Bailey if he's okay. Bailey sighs and says he applied to this college, for their summer school program, which could lead to him being admitted as a junior, which could lead to him being admitted to their business school. Victor takes it they told him no. Bailey says they said yes. Victor doesn't get it until Bailey says that the college is in Pennsylvania. Victor turns away and Bailey asks if he thinks Bailey is being "a bad dad again." Victor asks if he is taking Owen out after school to see if he wants to go with him. Bailey says he hasn't figured it out yet, but he doesn't want Victor to tell anyone else yet. Victor says he should figure it out with Owen, because "the boy's pretty smart" and "Don't you think he's going to have an opinion?" Bailey says, "No, I'm sure he will." Hope you enjoyed Victor in that scene, because that's all you're going to get. Ever. Then the opening credits roll and the song says, "Everybody wants to be closer to free." Gotcha! Wouldn't it have been cool if they did special opening credits that featured a shot of the person when they first appeared on the show, and then now? I guess that would be difficult with the multiple Owens though.
Julia visits Griffin in the shed. She found a newspaper he left on the kitchen counter, that had various apartment listings circled. She knew it was his because of the "palm prints and grease stains." Julia noticed that all the apartments he circled were for two bedrooms. Griffin says "Stephanie" said she wanted to move in together. Wait, Griffin is seeing someone? Wasn't he just with Daphne not that long ago? Then again, she's practically married to someone else. Julia asks why he threw it away. Griffin says he's not ready for that yet. Julia asks if he wants to talk about it, but really she wants to talk about her. Griffin drags it out of her (not really) that she has three summer options and can't decide. She could go to summer school and do more writing, or she could continue to speak at conferences, or she could counsel abuse victims. Plus, she has an interview with the National Organization for Women. She realizes at this point that Griffin (like the viewers) has tuned out, so she says, "which would be good for my upcoming campaign for Congress." Griffin says, "Uh-huh." Julia continues, "Where I would make it a capital crime to be pretending to listen to someone when you're not!" and whaps Griffin with the paper. Griffin says he had a weird thought while she was talking. He really wished Justin were there. Julia starts whapping him with the paper some more. That Griffin is funny.
Todd is sleeping on his side and Claudia reaches up from behind him and starts rubbing his arms. They're both naked! Claudia! He wakes up and asks where they are. Claudia says they're in his bed. Todd wants to know what time it is, because he's worried his mom will come home. Claudia says she already is because she heard "banging" downstairs. Todd gets all freaked out but Claudia points out that the door is locked and if his mom knocked, she could hide, and plus Todd looked so peaceful sleeping. Todd says he looked peaceful because he didn't know he was about to be grounded for life. Claudia starts getting dressed while Todd freaks out some more. Claudia floats the suggestion that if they both end up going to college in San Francisco, they should get an apartment together, like Bailey and Sarah did. Yeah, and we all know how successful Bailey and Sarah's relationship was. Todd says they're only seventeen, and his parents would freak. Claudia points out that Todd has his own car, his own checking account and his own tax guy. Todd says he'd like to, but they have to think of "a good, practical reason." He says he'll go distract his mom while Claudia sneaks down the back stairs and out the alley, and reminds her to put a bag on her head so the neighbor doesn't recognize her. Claudia agrees and says that while the bag's on her head, she'll think of a good, practical reason. Todd doesn't catch the sarcasm and says, "Great!" I have to admit, as a teenager, I was a lot more like Todd than Claudia.
Kirsten and Charlie are setting up a bed on the floor for Daphne and Luke, and apologizing for the lack of accommodations. Kirsten suggests they take her bed, since Charlie will be working nights while he scales down the company. Daphne asks what that's about, because Luke said it was like a base closing. Luke corrects her, saying that he actually said the opposite, but he says it pretty sharply and there is an awkward silence. Kirsten says she's going to get breakfast food, because of her contractual obligation to mention food once per scene, and Luke offers to go with her. Once they leave, Daphne says that she's a terrible girlfriend because Luke has shown her fourteen apartments in Dallas and she didn't like any of them. The one thing missing was Diana. Doesn't she get Diana back soon? Anyway, she doesn't feel like she's being fair to Luke. Charlie asks how putting your family first can be wrong.
Julia is looking at some pictures on a wall when a woman comes by and introduces herself as "Beth Colt." Apparently, this is Julia's internship interview for NOW. More tertiary character praise follows, as Beth congratulates Julia on her speech. She says the internship "pays nothing" and the hours are endless, plus she's "not always a dream to work for." The job involves writing position papers, public speaking and doing one-on-one work with "everyone from abuse victims to reps." Julia thinks that sounds great. Beth says she must be okay with relocating, but Julia hadn't heard about that part of the internship. Beth thinks it's a deal-breaker but Julia says it isn't, and asks if this constitutes an offer. Beth begs her to please accept and give her an address where she can "start sending your pitiful stipend." Julia asks for a day to think about it, because she'd be leaving her home and family, and it's kind of a big deal. Before any of you college women out there start getting funny ideas, I checked the website, and NOW does not offer any paid internships, summer or otherwise. If it was that easy for me to find, you'd think the writers could have found it too.
Bailey talks to Owen about going to Pennsylvania. Bay says he'd do a lot of work at home, so the only time they'd really be apart would be when they were both at class. It would be scary to meet new kids, but they'd both be doing it together. Bay keeps babbling like this and Owen interrupts and asks if he has to go, if Bailey's just pretending to ask but really they're going no matter what. Bailey says no, that he wants to know how Owen feels. Owen wants to stay, and begs Bailey to let him stay. Except he's not a very good actor, so it kind of comes out in a monotone: "No. Please, Bailey. Let. Me. Stay." Bailey says he won't make him go, but what if Bailey wants to go? It would be like when Julia went away because college is important and sometimes you have to go far away to find the right one. Owen wants to know who will do his assignments with him, and who will do the things Bailey does. I'll forgive Owen for making it all about him because he's like seven years old. The rest of those Salingers have no excuse. Bailey says Julia, Charlie and Claudia will all be there. Well, as far as Bailey knows, anyway. Do you see where this one is going? Get it? Because Julia and Claudia are planning on leaving too? Owen says he doesn't want Bailey to go and turns away from him and Bailey stares off into space real hard.
Claudia enters Julia's lair and says she wants to talk. Julia asks what about and Claude hems and haws for a while and then says, "I had sex." Julia's all, "What?" and Claude's all "I had sex. I had sex." Yes, she said it three times total. Julia asks how it was and if Claudia's okay. Claudia says it was fine and it's been nice. Julia catches on and says, "Oh, more than once?" and then asks if Claude's being safe. Claudia snorts, "Julia, we're talking about Todd. The guy's so hygienic you could practically perform surgery in that bed." Julia says it seems kind of fast and asks how long they've been dating, as if Julia has any right to pass judgment. Claudia agrees with me and says they've been dating for months, besides, Julia got drunk and had sex with Justin and they weren't even dating. Well, she's got a point there. Julia asks if she's okay again, and Claude says she's fine about the sex, but other stuff is bothering her. Julia asks what she means and Claudia says nothing right now. She thinks it's good that Julia is around for her to talk to. Julia says of course. Do you get it? Because Julia is planning on leaving and she won't be around? I'm not sure if you got that. Did you get it?
Daphne is talking to Diana at Charlie's apartment. Charlie comes in and offers to take them to lunch with Kirsten because of that contractual obligation about Kirsten and food. He notices that Daphne is crying and asks what's going on. Daphne says that Diana's best word is "bye-bye" and that she loves Luke but all her friends are there. All her friends that came over and offered to help when she was suffering from post-partum depression? Those friends? Yeah, those are great friends. Or did she mean Charlie and Kirsten? Anyway, Daphne says Luke loves his job and he wouldn't be able to get one like it anywhere else, even though San Francisco has like the tightest job market in the country and they're practically hiring toddlers out of pre-school. She can't ask him to give up his job, just like he can't ask her to give up her daughter, so maybe she should give him up.
Bailey tells Joe he wants to be a consultant, and help businesses fix their problems. He babbles on some more about Kimball and college. Joe says he's the wrong guy to talk to about this because Bailey knows how he feels about the Salingers. He hates them? Oh wait, that's me. Joe explains that running the restaurant was not the only life he considered, but Mr. Salinger needed the restaurant to support his family and he needed Joe to run the restaurant, so Joe passed up a lot of opportunities. He doesn't have any regrets, but Bailey's not the only one who can take care of Owen. Bailey asks if Joe is saying he should go to Pennsylvania. Joe says it's the chance of a lifetime, and how can he pass it up?
Claudia plays the violin, but she can't get one part right. Ross tells her to take it easy, because it's not like she's in competition. Claudia mutters, "Not now, anyway," and Ross wonders what that means. Claudia confesses that she got into Juilliard, and says she's not going but she just wanted to see if she could get in. Ross can't believe she wasn't going to tell him, and that she's not going. Claudia says she doesn't have the money, plus there's Todd. Ross says to forget the money because they can always work something out with aid and loans. Ross won't let her pass this up because this could be her big break. He tells her he can help with the money if she'll agree to think about it. He says Todd is a musician so he will understand. Claudia thinks for a minute and then nods yes. Ross says he'll make some phone calls to see if he has any connections to get her a scholarship, but in the meantime, she'd better start practicing.
Julia is standing in the street and Justin runs out and greets her, saying he just got back from Yale. She tells him about the NOW internship, and says it's everything she was looking for and more. He's happy for her but she confesses that there's one little wrinkle. She would have to move to DC. Justin says that selfishly, he's happy she'll be closer to him, but she's probably worried about her family. He says he went through the same thing when he went to Yale, and he was "bummed" to leave his family behind. Julia says this isn't like when she thought about going to Mexico because this job could turn into a career. Shouldn't she first worry about turning the internship into a job? She says her family will still have each other around. Get it? Because Claudia and Bailey are leaving too? It's like an O. Henry story. Anyway, if all the details work out, she's going. She hugs Justin who looks over her shoulder with his face all wrinkled up like he just smelled something bad. I'm not going to cast aspersions on Julia or anything, but he did look like he smelled a fart.
Bailey talks to Charlie about school. He's Mr. Hypothetical Man, saying what if he got into school and what if it was in Pennsylvania. Charlie sees through the hypothetical and asks when this all happened. Bailey says it's only been the last few days. Charlie says that Bailey knew about it when Charlie asked him to be his business partner, so he never really considered it. Then Charlie asks about Owen. Bailey says Owen doesn't want to go and Bailey doesn't know what he's supposed to do. Charlie reminds him that he tore the family apart last year over Owen, and now he just wants to hand him off to Charlie. I'm glad someone besides me remembers that. Bailey says it's not easy for him either, but if he waits until Owen grows up and leaves the house, Bailey will be in his mid-thirties and other guys his age will be halfway up the ladder while he is just starting. Charlie says he won't roll over and let Bailey "chase [his] fantasy." He points out that parents make sacrifices for their kids all the time, and does Bailey think he owes Owen any less? Bailey says Charlie is right, and looks disappointed. Bailey should have brought up how he gave his original college money to save the restaurant and Charlie's ass, if Charlie wants to talk about sacrifices for the family.
Julia is on her laptop, marveling that she can look at classifieds online. Yeah, the Internet. It's amazing! She wonders if a one-bedroom apartment would be too big for her. Justin asks if they have information about neighborhoods and crime statistics. Julia makes fun of him for asking, but he tells her a story about his first apartment in New Haven, which was basically in a flophouse. Plus, Justin brings up the weather. It gets really hot there in the summer, like 110 degrees with 100% humidity. Okay, from my limited knowledge of DC, that's almost true. The temperature might be a little high, but not much. Then Justin says in the winter, it gets down to -50 degrees with the wind chill, which is definitely not true. Maybe once in a great while, but not on a regular basis. Hey, I'm from Syracuse. I know from wind chill. Anyway, Julia accuses Justin of thinking she can't handle it on her own. Justin says he's just worried about her and he wishes he could be there with her, and maybe he could come down. He does everything but buy a neon sign that says, "I want to come to DC with you," and Julia misses the point. She hugs him and says that she'll be okay. Justin looks like he wants to say something else, but then stops. I don't know why he doesn't just tell her he wants to go with her. They only have like an hour left of the series ever! He had better hurry up.
Kimball is talking to some clients. Bailey comes up behind them and says he has a question. Kimball says he talked to the admissions office and they're still waiting on a decision from Bailey, and they can't hold the spot forever. Bailey wonders if there is someplace else he could go that's closer to home. Kimball can't believe he'd give up a shot at Wharton. Wharton? Jeez, even I've heard of Wharton! Bailey says it's about his family. Kimball wonders if someone is sick, or if it has to do with money. Where were these benefactors when I wanted to go to an Ivy League School and couldn't afford it. I should have changed my last name to Salinger and people would just throw college money at me, apparently. Anyway, Bailey says it's not those things, but he still wonders if there is anyplace local. Kimball says that only a few Fortune 500 companies are in San Francisco and going to Wharton will give Bailey worldwide opportunities. I really wish someone would mention the fact that there are a ton of startups in San Francisco that would hire Bailey in like a heartbeat. It's really bugging me. Kimball says that Wharton is the only choice and Bailey shouldn't throw it away. Then he just walks away without saying goodbye, like nice way to end the conversation, dude. Obviously they don't teach manners at Wharton.
Todd taps on the back door of Casa Salinger and Claudia answers. He asks where she was, since they had a session. Claudia gives the unbelievably lame excuse, "I had some stuff to take care of." Good one. He asks kind of meanly if she was looking for apartments for them year and if she remembers that plan. Claude doesn't know what he's getting at, so he confesses that Ross came to the session with a scholarship application for the director to sign. Claudia says that she "accidentally" told Ross about getting into Juilliard, and he's made it his personal mission to get her financial help so she can go. Todd basically says that's a load of crap (not in so many words) because her signature was on the application. Claudia tells Todd she really, really doesn't want to leave. Todd tells her that's not very smart, because she must be out of her mind to pass it up, and he'd go. If he were Claudia, he'd be really sad, but he'd say goodbye and he'd leave. Seriously, there are no seventeen-year-old boys who are this kind and understanding, right? I mean, he finally found a girl who would have sex with him, and now he's encouraging her to move across the country? He's so selfless. He's like the anti-Salinger.
Justin and Julia are in a sporting goods store and Justin has zipped Julia into a gigantic parka. I'm not saying I've seen bigger coats, but I will say that Glark has a coat that requires its own seat in a restaurant. ["She's not exaggerating, folks. Glark's winter jacket has its own bedroom and a seat on the board of directors of a Fortune 500 company." -- Wing Chun] But this one is pretty close. Anyway, Justin says Julia will need a pair of ice shoes. Julia picks them up and asks, "With spikes?" Justin says the quads freeze up like skating rinks and he's seen grown men go down and never get back up, and their heads hit the ice and it "sounds like coconut drums." Coconut drums? Julia says all the lectures he's given her in the last sixty minutes are beginning to be insulting, and does he really think she's that clueless. He says she must be, because he's been dropping ten thousand hints and she hasn't picked up on them. Oh, Justin, stop with the passive-aggressive nonsense already! He finally says he wants her to ask him to go to DC with her. Julia says that he has a year left at Yale, and Justin says he'll transfer. I'm not going to go into how unrealistic that is, but we all know it is. Julia asks about Yale's incredible English department, and Justin says he'll go to Georgetown, even though it's not as incredible. Hey, don't be dissing the Jesuit institutions or you will have to deal with my mighty LeMoyne Dolphin wrath! I will bring the Green and Gold down upon you! Yeah, that's what I thought, Yalie. Justin says he could justify giving up Yale if Julia asked him. She laughs and hugs him. I notice she still didn't ask, though.
Charlie is on the phone with someone talking about how someone else was supposed to finish the invoices. He answers his apartment door and Bailey walks in. Charlie says that Bailey was supposed to get those invoices out tonight. Bailey says he left early because he has a lot on his mind. Charlie snipes that Bailey has no obligation to become his partner, but he wishes he would finish what he started at the factory. Plus, there's Owen. Wow, non-sequitur much? Bailey says he doesn't need any lectures about Owen, and if Charlie wants him to admit he made a mistake in fighting for custody, he will. But it wasn't a mistake for Owen, it was a mistake for Bailey. He knows it's not good or fair, but he's not ready to settle down and he wasn't then. He's been walking around the last few hours feeling angry and frustrated, because he finally sees what he wants and it's out of his reach. And the thing that's preventing him from getting it is what Charlie wants for his life. Charlie has everything he ever wanted: He has Kirsten, kids, a job, his family. Bailey knows he made a promise, but if Charlie holds him to it and makes Bailey keep putting other people first, he's going to resent Charlie. Charlie's his brother and he doesn't want to look at him that way. Charlie says he won't feel that way. Bailey says he already does. Bailey swallows and then says he's begging Charlie to help him. That was a touching speech by Scott Wolf, even if it really didn't make much sense.
Owen gets out of the basement, or school, or something and runs up to Charlie and Diana. Charlie says he's picking him up today but he wants to talk first. Owen reads a book to Diana. Charlie tells a little story about how Diana was shouting, "When when. When when," and they finally figured out the second "when" meant Owen, and she wanted to know when she would see Owen again. Is Diana really capable of that kind of reasoning? Maybe Charlie was just trying to set up this part. Charlie says he and Kirsten are having a baby and it's a lot of work, and they could use Owen's help with Diana. Owen isn't falling for it, and asks if he's going to live with Charlie because Bailey's leaving. Charlie says that might happen. Owen says that he would be like Charlie, in that he would be Diana's big brother. Well, actually, he's her uncle, but I see where he's going with this. Owen says he could take care of Diana like Charlie took care of him, and that's okay.
Todd is sitting on his bed, tuning his violin, when Claudia enters. She admits that she's been playing games and hasn't been honest. The second she found out she got into Juilliard, she knew she should go. Getting an apartment with Todd would have been an extra reason to stay. She finally told Ross because she knew he would push her to go. Todd guesses she didn't want to hurt him. Claudia thinks she ended up hurting him more. Todd says he's the one who hurt her by playing along, and that he made her feel guilty about something she should have felt good about, and he should have been happy for her. He says they don't have to break up, and that they have three months before she leaves, and he wants to spend every minute with her. Yeah, I bet they break up as soon as Claudia comes home for Thanksgiving Break. Definitely by Christmas.
Julia and Justin are walking up a hill in the middle of the street. I know the director probably wanted to prove they were in San Francisco, but couldn't they have picked a less steep hill? I'm getting tired just watching them walk. Anyway, Justin is babbling about how they should get an apartment within sight of a DC landmark, no matter how small it is. Julia says that she's leaving home and she'll never come back. So when she lived with Ned, she always assumed she'd come back? Hasn't Julia left home like three times now? Anyway, Justin says she'll be back, but Julia says it will just be for a visit, and she won't live there anymore. Justin tells her not to feel guilty. She says her family will still have each other (well, as far as she knows) but she won't have them anymore. She won't know them so well, and she'll only have her memories.
Bailey enters the office to do work, but Charlie tells him to go down the registrar at his college because Penn needs his transcript. Kimball called and needed a commitment, so Charlie committed for Bailey. Daphne runs in and says her taxi is waiting outside but Luke needs some brochures. She thanks Charlie and hugs him, then hugs Bailey and runs out while yelling, "Have a cheese steak for me!" Hope you enjoyed it because that's the last you'll see of Daphne. Charlie says he offered Bailey's job to Luke, because it buys them some time and Daphne can stay in San Francisco. It just happened that morning. He wants Bailey to get his degree, so Charlie will take Owen and move into the house with Kirsten. Maybe being all together with Julia, Claudia and Owen will soften the blow of Bailey leaving. Get it? Because Julia and Claudia are planning on leaving too? Get it? I don't know if they've brought that up during this episode enough times. Bailey asks what happened to change Charlie's mind. Charlie says he thought about what Bailey said, and that Bailey deserves this. Bailey tries to talk but Charlie tells him to go get his transcript in. Bailey starts to leave, but then runs back and hugs Charlie really hard. Okay, I got a little misty at that one. And we're at the halfway point. Go get a refill on your soda and dig in for the final half!
Kirsten and Charlie are at the doctor's office, and Kirsten is getting an ultrasound. The doctor asks if she's felt any movement yet, and she hasn't, but the doctor says that's okay. Charlie asks if he's picking up any "spare change or keys" because his wife's been "eating everything that's not nailed down." Oh, please. Thank God this is the last episode, because this is just ridiculous. The doctor says everything looks good and "he looks great." Kirsten says he means he in a generic, non-specific way and Charlie adds that it's kinda like you refer to ships as "she." The doctor says, "No, kinda like you refer to a baby with a penis." Kirsten and Charlie exchange a look and the doctor thinks he messed up and they didn't want to know the sex. Dude, that would suck. Charlie says they did want to know, but they were expecting more of a "drum-roll moment." The doctor does a little drum-roll and says, "It's a boy!" Charlie and Kirsten gaze at each other and kiss and on the ultrasound, the baby holds up a little sign that says, "For the love of God, give me some food! I'm dying here!"
Owen is looking at the picture of the ultrasound, but says he "doesn't see it." Kirsten points "it" out and Owen notes that it is really tiny. Yes, they're talking about the penis. Charlie says that it will get bigger, and Owen says he hopes so, because "kids can be really cruel." Owen Salinger, ladies and gentlemen! He'll be here all week! Try the fish, it's delicious. Owen asks if they've picked out a name and Kirsten says they have a short list. Owen says his friend's parents let his friend name their baby, and he named it Fritzi after the father. Owen thinks it would be cool to name the baby after a relative. Charlie says Owen can name their baby. Owen says, "You'd let me do that?" and Kirsten says, "You'd let him do that?" I don't blame her -- this can't possibly lead to something good. Charlie says it would mean a lot to Owen and the baby. Owen says it's like how Charlie named Diana after their mom and Charlie agrees, and Kirsten relaxes.
Claudia and Bailey are eating lunch outside. Bailey asks what's up, and Claudia asks why she can't treat her brother to a nice lunch. Bailey says she can, but in seventeen years, she hasn't. Bailey Salinger, ladies and gentlemen! He'll be here all week. Try the fish, it's delicious. Bailey says Claudia had that "I need to tell you something" tone on the phone. Claudia says that she's going to Juilliard in the fall. Bailey asks about Stanford, and Claude says it was safe, but she got a good financial aid package and work-study from Juilliard, and she really wants it. Bailey says she should budget for train tickets. Claudia can't believe he expects her to take the train back and forth to San Francisco. Bailey says he meant to Philadelphia. Claudia doesn't know anyone in Philadelphia. Bailey says, "You know me."
Julia is planning a dinner with her family to make her big announcement. Justin wonders why they can't just tell them one-by-one, as they see them. Julia says she wants to make a big deal out of it because she needs the attention and praise. Well, really she says it is a big deal, and she wants to make an event out of it. She doesn't want to have a series of heart-to-hearts and weigh the pros and cons. She wants to stand up at Salinger's with a smile on her face and say she's going and Justin's going with her, and she's excited and they should be excited for her.
At dinner, Claudia asks what all the mystery is about. Julia says she has an announcement, but she wants everyone to order first so she can build the tension. Bailey says before she tells her news, he has some news for her, but everyone else already knows. He tells her about his college deal. Julia can't believe it, because that's her news. She got a job in DC and Justin already transferred to Georgetown, to which I give a big whatever, because that's just not possible. Bailey says he thought she and Justin were engaged, and Julia says, "Engaged? What are you, clueless? Justin just got separated a month ago." Claudia says they're all leaving, since she's going to Juilliard. Julia's all, "What about Stanford?" Charlie tells everyone to wait, and says he talked to Bailey about him leaving. Julia asks if Bailey gets to go just because he talked to Charlie first. What is she, four? Oh wait, it's Julia. I should know better. Bailey says his thing is all set, and Julia says hers is too, and Claudia says hers is too. Owen stops the conversation by asking who's going to stay with him and Charlie if they all go. Everyone looks down at their plate and feels guilty. Check, please!
Bailey is sitting on the porch swing. Julia joins him. Julia says they have a problem. Usually when one of them leaves, they close the circle and wait for that person to come back, but this is different. Bailey says he understands she has a great internship, but she could get another one year, due to her great résumé. What great résumé? She wrote a book that never got published, she went to college for two years, and she had a job for like a week in a museum. Has she ever had a real job? Bailey has a much better résumé, if that's what we're talking about. I think he means Julia is smarter than him, plus she's not a convicted felon. So, there's that. Bailey says he needs help, and luck. He has a guy pulling strings for him, and he'll never have the chance to get a degree from an Ivy League school ever again. Julia says she told her internship yes and made arrangements with her school. Bailey says he's always the one who backs down and gets stuck at home, and he can't give in this time. They both sit in silence. I think in this instance, I have to give the advantage to Bay. His argument is certainly more convincing.
Charlie and Kirsten are in their car, driving home. Charlie says he was worried about the wrong thing in making arrangements with Bailey, and it was a waste of time. In the beginning, when his parents died, he was the one who wanted nothing to do with his family, and now he's the only one left.
Julia comes into her room and stands facing Justin with her back to the camera. He asks what Bailey said, and we can tell from his reaction that Julia said Bailey won't back down. Fade to Bailey sitting outside, looking pensive. Fade to Claudia, watching Bailey through the window. Fade to me, with my finger on the fast forward button, looking at the clock and trying to figure out how many scenes are left in this show.
Justin and Bailey are in the basement, doing laundry. I'm guessing they let everyone out of the basement at this point, since the show's nearly over. Bailey says he's sure Justin and Julia talked. Justin tells Bailey not to say anything, because he got what he wanted. Bailey's all, "Huh?" and Justin says Julia called DC to turn down the internship, so Bailey can go and Julia will stay. Bailey tries to explain. Justin's all, "Yeah, yeah, it's your biggest opportunity" but that this isn't just about who makes the best career move. It's also about Julia and him being in love and getting out of there. Bailey asks why they need to get out. Justin says when Julia is there, she can't get away from her family, and as evidence he offers that she threw away her plans for Bailey's sake. Justin says good schools aren't the only chances in life that don't come around twice. Oh, please. Justin could finish up college and in a year, he and Julia could move somewhere outside of San Francisco, but not clear across the country. I don't know why he's being such a drama queen about all this. Their relationship survived a miscarriage and both of them being married to other people. I'm sure they can make it through another year. I think they just have Justin make that speech because they knew if Julia made it, everyone would hate her more.
Owen is in the car with Charlie, and he tells "Char" he decided on a name. Owen thought about what Charlie said about naming the baby after someone who matters, and someone he looks up to. Charlie thinks he knows where this is going, clearly expecting Owen to suggest the name "Charlie." Owen says he wants to name the baby, "Stewy" after a kid on his soccer team who scored five goals, and who is good at flicking boogers across the room. Hey, that's a skill. Charlie asks how Owen is indebted to Stewy, since he wanted to name the baby after someone to whom he owed a lot. Owen just whines that Charlie said he could pick the name. Charlie puts his head in his hands, probably groaning at this non-comic non-relief subplot.
Bailey and Claudia are in the kitchen. Bailey says he "can't let [her] do that." Claudia says it's not Bailey's decision, it's hers. Bailey points out that Claudia told him at lunch that she really wants to go. Claudia says maybe she's meant to go to Stanford, and thinks about how her potential best teacher or best friend could be at Stanford. Bailey asks if she really thinks first or second choice doesn't matter. Claudia says that for the last six years, Bailey has taken care of her and it's been a one-way street. Bailey says it's been both ways, and they're even. Claudia says it's not even close to even. Bailey, Julia and Charlie kept the family together for Claudia and Owen's sake. Bailey was only sixteen, younger than she is now, and he did it for her. Now it's her turn. Aw. I cried a little in this scene, but only because I'm a sucker for the Bailey/Claudia bond. I just keep thinking about in the intervention episode when Claudia told Bailey she loved him the best, but she wouldn't love him anymore unless he got help. Wow. Remember when this show used to be good?
Bailey comes into the office and gives Charlie a hard time about a price on some wood. When Charlie asks what's up, Bailey says he might come crawling back. He's had a nice time thinking he could leave, but if he goes, Claudia and Julia will stay. Charlie asks how he knows that, and Bailey says Claudia told him herself and Justin told him about Julia. Charlie asks why he's staying, then. Bailey says he tried to say that it was his turn to leave. If he goes, and the guilt doesn't kill him, it will certainly make him flunk out, and by then Claudia and Julia will have lost their chance, so he might as well bow out now. Charlie thinks there might be a way. Bailey fights back tears as he says it's not so horrible to put them first because he loves them, and he'll get another chance. Charlie tries to talk, but Bailey tells him not to say anything, and that it's okay. Actually, it's not okay, but it's how it is. Bailey points out that they've said that a lot in the past six years -- it's not okay, but it's how it is. The first time I saw this scene, I thought it was really dumb and out of character that Bailey thought he was such a failure. When I watched it again, I realized that Bailey doesn't think that, but he's trying to convince himself he has good reasons for staying, trying to talk himself into it. I guess I'm just not used to the writers on this show being that subtle.
Charlie comes in the house and calls Julia, Claudia, Bailey and Owen into the living room. They all show up, except Owen, who couldn't undo the locks on his manacles, apparently. Charlie needs to talk to them. He has this thing he does, almost as a reflex, where he asks himself what "they" would do in given situations. If their kids came to them with great opportunities, their parents would tell all three of them to go. Claudia says their parents would want them to stay together. Bailey says they can't all leave. Julia says it's too much. Claudia doesn't think their parents would want that. Charlie says if their parents were still alive, they would have all left a long time ago. Julia and Bailey would have been out the door at eighteen, and Claudia would have gone to college without a second thought. None of them would have known Owen, and none of them would've known Charlie because he would've been out of the house for so long. They'd be living separate lives, and it wouldn't be a tragedy, because it was meant to be. They stayed together so much longer than most families, so it's got to be okay to take care of themselves now. Julia says it's hard to imagine them all in different places. Charlie says it's going to happen eventually. Bailey doesn't know, because staying close works for them, and he doesn't want to mess that up. Charlie asks him how long they're going to stay close, forever? They're not children anymore. They were when their parents died, even Charlie at twenty-five, and they stayed together and held on to each other tightly in order to make it. They all want the others to be happy. They love each other. Doesn't that mean they got it right? Not if they believe that they're only family if they're close enough to touch, that means they've failed. They've survived more than distance, distance is nothing. They should go, all of them. Wow. That was a pretty good speech, huh? Not a dry eye in the house, I bet.
Claudia, Julia and Bailey are all sitting in the bathroom, for some unknown reason. Julia proposes that they come up with rules to ensure they stay in touch, like a conference call every Sunday, so that no matter where they are, they connect. Bailey says they should all come home for Christmas. Julia adds Easter. Bailey adds Owen's birthday. Claudia asks about when the baby is born. Julia says they'll come home then, too. For the important stuff, it will just be understood. They'll be racking up the frequent flier miles with that plan.
Charlie and Kirsten are in their apartment Kirsten asks where the spackle is, but Charlie is just sitting in a chair, lost in thought. She comes into the room, holding her non-existent stomach. Couldn't they have given her some padding or something? She asks where Charlie is, and he says he's right there. Kirsten says she won't miss the shower or the disposal, and she's excited to have a dishwasher and a backyard again. Charlie starts pointing out all the bad things about the house, like that there are fifty-two steps from the street, and they have to climb up and down two flights of stairs to do laundry. Kirsten points out that his parents raised a lot of kids in the house regardless of the stairs, and they were happy there. Kirsten thinks that Bailey, Julia and Claudia are all going someplace new, and Charlie is going back to the same place he's always been, and that's what Charlie is bummed about. Charlie says the house will never belong to him, that it will always be his father's house. Kirsten says she doesn't know what he can do about that. Cry me a river, Charlie. I'd kill for that house.
I guess Charlie must have heard me, because in the scene, he's telling Bailey he wants to sell the house. Charlie points out the brokers call all the time, saying they have someone who wants to buy it. Bailey says he can't adjust to everyone leaving, and Charlie's moving at "warp speed." Charlie says everyone will be gone, and they should sell while the market is hot. Cut to Julia saying it's not about the money, that it was their parents' house. Charlie says they'll still have the restaurant. Julia says she needs to be able to come back home, that's why she's able to leave. Charlie says he'll find a place that's big enough for all of them, and that he wants to start his own traditions. Cut to Claudia asking if he's just going to sell to the highest bidder. Charlie says they'll find someone who will love the place as much as they did. Claudia doesn't like it. Charlie says their memories are really expensive. Cut to Bailey, Julia and Claudia sitting across from Charlie at the restaurant, looking glum. Bailey says, "Oh, that's nice, Charlie." Charlie says the bottom line is that selling the house could mean that Claudia won't have to do work study, that her and Bailey's school will be all paid for. Also, that Julia and Justin can get set up in DC and Owen will be taken care of until he's grown up. The house will pay for all of their future.
Julia is talking to Griffin in the shed. Griffin says it must be weird for her. Julia says Charlie already talked to a broker, who said that the house will go fast. Griffin says he had better start clearing out his stuff. He thinks he should have done so long ago, because it's getting harder to explain why he works out of his ex-wife's garage, especially to his girlfriend. Julia asks if Stephanie is threatened by her, and says she likes that idea. Wow, Julia really loves herself a lot. Griffin says that Stephanie understands that it's mostly about being close to Julia's family, because she's big on family. She wants to have a lot of kids. Julia says Griffin was always good with Owen. Griffin says it's a weird thought that someday he'll have kids and she'll have kids, but they won't be the same kids. Julia says their kids will be friends and they'll know that they loved each other, that they still love each other. I'm glad we got a little closure on this relationship. I wish I could say the same for Bailey and Sarah.
A couple is looking at the house while all the Salingers stand in the kitchen and stare at them, like that would happen. ["Actually, it does happen, and it's really brutal when you're looking at a filthy, horrible house and all you want to do is run from the first second you open the door, and then the owner's like, 'Let me show you the high ceilings upstairs!' and you're trying to back out the door with your boots unlaced because you don't want to walk on the flea-ridden bright red shag carpet. Not that I'd know." -- Wing Chun] The couple talks about how they would arrange the house for their two small kids. They go out to check out the yard, and Bailey comments sarcastically, "Terrible people." Charlie says they can all decide what to do. Julia doesn't want to decide, because it's all they have left of their childhood. Bailey asks Claude what she thinks. Claudia think that couple will be okay, and they still have the restaurant and their parents' things, and photographs, and what she has in her head. Claude will want her own home someday, and she's had seventeen years there, and that's enough. The couple comes back in and says they want to make an offer. The Salingers fade out until all that's left is an empty kitchen. Woo, special effects.
Bailey takes down a basketball hoop and Charlie promises to put it up at his new place. Kirsten offers everyone pizza and when no one takes any, she pretends to eat it herself. Can't we put this charade aside? There are only a few scenes left. Julia says Owen and Diana are sleeping. Everyone asks Claudia if everything's okay. Claudia says she doesn't know why everyone's acting "so pissy," she just thought it would be nice to spend the last night in their old rooms. Bailey says that's because she didn't have to lug the mattresses down from the attic, and that the house is not designed to sleep seven. Julia corrects him by saying eight, because of "Stewy." Bailey says, "Stewy Salinger," like rub it in, dude. Claudia says she can't wait to see their kids: "Dewey and Louie." Claudia Salinger, ladies and gentlemen! She'll be here all week. Try the fish, it's delicious. Charlie suggests they finish packing. Bailey and Julia say they are leaving the morning at eight. Charlie says they should split up and check the rooms again, but no one wants to get up. Finally, Bailey's like "Okay, let's go," and they leave. Kirsten stares at the fireplace, and flashes back to when she asked Charlie to marry her, but she had a cold, so it came out "Bury me!" and Charlie thought she was talking about her funeral. I think they purposely picked a clip where Kirsten was sick so we wouldn't notice how terrible she looks now in comparison. Claude comes in and offers to help. Kirsten says she was taking snapshots in her head. Claudia says she videotaped the house earlier today, for when the memories start to fade.
Kirsten leaves the room and Claudia remembers setting up her tent with Charlie. Julia is in the kitchen, and she remembers waltzing with Charlie in the kitchen. Griffin comes in and asks what she's smiling at, and she says nothing. Griffin asks for some packing tape. Julia finds a set of glasses and asks if Griffin recognizes them. He says they were a wedding gift. Julia gives them to Griffin, but he tries to give them back. She says they will never survive her cross-country move, and she would feel better knowing that one of them has the glasses. Plus, she's sure he and Stephanie will have a lot of things to toast. Aw, that was nice.
Charlie is in the garage, and he flashes back to Bailey, Julia and him sanding something and singing along to "Stop! In The Name of Love." Bailey is in Owen's room, and he remembers when Owen was a baby and wouldn't sleep. Bailey told him if he didn't find a nanny soon, he would have to sell Owen into the white slave trade. He finishes, "Now I know that's not how you pictured yourself growing up, but hey, join the club." Back in present time, Owen wakes up and asks Bailey if they ever had bunk beds, because Charlie said he could get bunk beds in the new place. Bailey says Owen's crib was across from his bed, where he could always see him. He used to put Owen in striped pajamas because it was easier to tell if he was breathing. Owen asks him to tell about how he used to throw things at him. Bailey tells how if he was snoring, Owen would pop him in the head with his pacifier, and they laugh.
Kirsten and Charlie are in the parents' bed. Hey, there's those lamps I liked so much when Sarah and Bailey had them! Charlie says he always hated the lumpy mattress. Kirsten asks if he remembers the first time they "did it" in that room. Charlie remembers that they did it on the floor because the bed squeaked. Charlie says Diana is a heavy sleeper, and asks Kirsten, "What do you say we go out with a bang?" Then they start making out. God, just when I was starting to think I might actually miss this show, they have to go and do something cheesy like that. Now I have a mental image of Kirsten naked. Ew!
Julia and Claudia are lying in beds in their old room. Julia says the new owners will probably re-plaster the ceiling, and that she knows every crack. She points out the state of Texas, a treble clef and their mother's eyeglasses. If the ceiling has that many cracks, especially in earthquake territory, wouldn't you be a little worried? Julia says she made so many plans while staring at that ceiling. She asks Claudia what time it is. Claudia says she packed the alarm clock. Julia says they had better get to sleep, but Claudia doesn't want to. If she closes her eyes, it will be morning. She wants to stay awake for the last few hours in their house. Julia says she'll stay up with her. Boy, she'll be in great shape to drive across the country, huh?
It's the morning, and Bailey, Julia and Justin are packing up the Jeep. Bailey says he has a plan and Julia teases him, "You have a plan?" Bailey reminds her that he's done part of this trip before, when he went after Sarah. And that's the only mention of Sarah you will get in this episode. Justin says they don't have to be in DC for two weeks. Bailey says his plan involves no more than eight hours of driving per day, no more than two hours of driving per person, and they can stop whenever they want. Bailey says he's waited a long time to see the country. Justin offers to take the first shift. Bailey says he wants to be the one to drive away. See, it's like symbolic and stuff.
Charlie says that some mover named Irv dropped a mirror. He thought Irv's tattoo said "Mama" but then his shirt hiked up and Charlie saw that it said "Yo Mama." I had to include that because I think "Yo Mama" is the best comeback ever. It's so fifth grade. Anyway, Kirsten says, "He's moving." Charlie thinks she's talking about Irv, but she's talking about the baby. Charlie feels her stomach. Claudia walks in and complains about Irv, and then finds out the baby is moving, so she puts her hands on Kirsten's stomach too and calls for Julia. Kirsten complains that they are referring to the baby as "Stewy." Charlie has a solution. They'll throw Owen a bone and make the first name "Stewart," but then call him by his middle name, "Nicholas." He says the full name will be "S. Nicholas Salinger." Julia comes in and asks if they're afraid people will call him "Snick" and Charlie tells her to shut up. Julia puts her hands on Kirsten's stomach as well, like her stomach is big enough for all these hands. I bet they can feel her internal organs. Bailey and Owen walk in, and Bailey says someone needs to slap Irv, and he nominates Charlie. Bailey asks if they are all rubbing Kirsten's stomach for good luck, and then someone says the baby moved, so Bailey and Owen get their hands in there too. Irv comes in and interrupts the moment, so they all move away. Irv moves out a dresser, and Kirsten sees something on the wall. It's a height chart. They all crowd around to check it out, and mention that their dad used to measure them every year, right after they ate their birthday cake. Julia says that Bailey used to stand on tiptoe when he was measured. Owen asks if he's on there, and Claudia looks all the way down at the bottom and finds Owen at three months old. Julia notes that they grew so fast. Claudia points out that Charlie is taller now than their dad was, and everyone kind of reflects on that while "Bookends" by Simon and Garfunkel plays. We pan out of the room while the Salingers stand around the height chart, and it would have been a nice ending except Charlie and Kirsten start making out and I feel sick to my stomach now, which is oddly appropriate.