Gus comes to the furniture factory, and Charlie comments that he hasn't been around for a while. Gus babbles about all the things he's able to do now that he doesn't have to run the factory, like take his grandson to a baseball game. Then, Gus tells Charlie that he's gotten an offer from a company called "Standard Home Furnishings" for his company. Could the writers have come up with a more bland, corporate-sounding name? I guess it could have been "Acme Furniture," so I should count my blessings. Charlie points out that his company has beat out SHF for some jobs, and wonders if that's why they are making the offer now, but then realizes that Gus is seriously considering the offer. Charlie acts all injured that Gus never mentioned selling the place before, but Gus says he didn't think he could get the right price. Charlie's still injured that Gus asked him to run the place and now he's going to sell, like Gus owes him anything. I forgot, the world revolves around Charlie. My bad. Gus points out that the new company will likely make Charlie a very generous offer to stay on. Charlie goes on and on about all the plans he had for new furniture lines, and Gus tells him he will still be able to go through with his plans, and it might even be easier because the new company has "deep pockets." Gus asks Charlie to trust him. Charlie gazes off into the middle distance, where he sees a factory worker using a router to carve the following words into a piece of wood: "Everybody wants to be closer to free."
Victor is around, so Owen is let out of the basement. Victor is teaching Owen how to make candy. Claudia enters the kitchen and overhears Owen asking Victor to come into his class for show and tell. As much as it has been shown on television, I never, ever had to bring a person into class for show and tell. Ever. I used to bring like a pretty fall leaf or a new toy, but never a person. Apparently, Owen needs to bring someone in to tell his or her life story. Victor doesn't think his story would be very interesting. Well, no duh! He's in his early twenties. How much interesting stuff could have happened? Really, it would be like, "I was born, I went to school, I came out, I became a nanny." As far as we know, anyway. Owen keeps whining and begging and Victor says no, and then takes the chocolate off the burner and walks out kind of quickly. Claudia offers to take Victor's place, but Owen tells her that would be boring. Dude, she just got dissed by her basement-dwelling brother! Claudia seems concerned about Victor's hasty departure.
Julia and Adam are in class, where their professor is explaining how character detail and style are important in conveying their message. He mentions that Julia has tried a stream-of-consciousness technique. If she writes like she talks, I can't imagine how anyone could read it with all the weird pauses and "God!" every few words. Anyway, the professor asks if she was trying to guide the reader. She starts to answer, but Adam interrupts her to say that Ulysses was all stream-of-consciousness and no one can understand it. While I am not a fan of James Joyce overall, people far smarter than Adam have devoted entire scholarly careers to understanding that particular work. Books have been written about it. Obviously, many people feel that there is something to understand there, and that the form is as important as the content. But this is neither the time nor the place for a discussion of literary theory. I meant in this recap, not in their writing class. Their writing class is actually exactly the time and place for that discussion. The professor disagrees with Adam, and Adam argues that Ulysses is all about passion, which makes me think he has only actually read that famous last line. The professor remarks that if all Adam got from the novel was "passion," he hasn't really understood it. Adam retorts that he thought writing was an art and art wasn't supposed to follow any rules, so how can the professor tell him what the rules are? Whatever, tortured artist. I know no one wants me to go into a discussion of my views on literary criticism, but suffice to say that I think it helps to know what the rules are, and understand why the rules were created, before you go about breaking them.
Bailey is meeting with a career counselor, and tells her he is interested in venture capitalism, consulting and marketing. Don't you have to have money to become a venture capitalist? The counselor stops him because she needs to know more about his background before they go any further. She asks what his degree is in. Bailey tells her that he dropped out in his sophomore year of college. But, he points out that he ran his family's restaurant for two years and totally turned the place around. The counselor tells him that the first thing an employer will want to know about is his degree, and that without one he won't get in the front door. That is such a load of crap! I'm sorry, but it is. He lives in San Francisco. He could call himself a food industry consultant, and walk in the door of any number of dot-coms, and have a job in an hour. Those companies do not care about your degree or if you have one, and would be thrilled to have someone with actual business savvy. I'm not saying college isn't useful. I'm just saying that the job market is such right now (especially in San Francisco) that a degree is not as important as work experience.
Charlie is meeting with the management of Giant Furniture Corporation (or, as they are calling it in this show, Standard Home Furnishings, but you know what they mean). They finish watching a video about the company and the head guy tells Charlie that his company's distribution facilities would allow Charlie to concentrate on building and not have to worry his pretty little head about the business end of things. Then he asks whether Charlie has had a chance to look over the compensation package they are offering. I have to say that I never thought I would be using words like "distribution facilities" and "compensation package" while recapping this show. That just goes to show you how boring this storyline is. Anyway, Charlie saw it and it's impressive. The head guy realizes that Charlie is not quite on board yet. Charlie says he's worried about his current designs, as well as designs that he's created but has yet to put into production. The head guy says Charlie should put together a portfolio blah blah blah run it past the Executive Design Group blah blah blah run it past marketing blah blah blah bureaucracy-cakes.
Claudia and Todd are at a street festival. Todd is going to New York for a job, and Claudia tells him to have fun. Todd complains that he's going to be locked in a "smelly recording studio," which is what he told Mabel when she asked him to go out. Claude's all "Who's Mabel?" and Todd's all, "Just a girl I used to know" like that doesn't throw up all kinds of red flags. Todd says they grew up together and then she moved to New York for work. Claudia asks what kind of work, and Todd admits that she's a model. Mabel the model. You'd think she'd have changed her name. Claudia is all jealous and wants to know if they have kept in touch, and Todd tells her that she writes to him. Claudia wants to know if they dated, but I thought we already established a long time ago that Claudia is the first female Todd has dated. Todd says they didn't date (see?) but Mabel did kiss him once. Claudia is getting more and more upset with this conversation, and then Todd says he thinks Mabel was in love with him, but it was a long time ago, and he shouldn't have said anything. Claudia thinks he should have told her all this a while ago, because now she feels like he was hiding it from her, but then she tells him to forget it.
Holly is studying at her apartment and giving Bailey a hard time about not wanting to go back to college. Bailey says that his years of experience in school have shown him that he hates it, and finds it boring. Holly throws out a factoid about the number of minerals a liver filters in a year (2000, if you really must know), and says that it's interesting. Bailey says it's interesting to her, but not to him. Holly points out that college is filled with many subjects, and Bailey just has to find one that interests him. Bailey thinks that life is more interesting than anything you could read in a book. Holly says that when she finds a subject interesting, she always wants to read more about it. I'm not trying to harp on how ridiculous this storyline is (really, I'm not) but there are lots of college programs that offer credit for life experience, and offer many internship and co-op opportunities, if Bailey wants to be such a student of life.
Charlie is telling Kirsten that he isn't sure he can work with a giant corporation looking over his shoulder all the time. Kirsten wants to know how he knows it would be like that. Charlie says he looked at their catalogs and even though they push a "cutting-edge" product, they are still all about "market share" which means making a product everyone likes, which means eventually building something he hates. But if everyone likes it, doesn't that mean that Charlie would, by definition, like it too? Also, welcome to the world of profitable business. Obviously, it's a new territory for Charlie Salinger but his brother Bailey might be able to show him around since he's familiar with the terrain. Kirsten suggests that Charlie leave and work at one of the other million furniture factories in San Francisco. I'm being sarcastic -- how many furniture factories do you think are looking for designers? Charlie points out that Gus owns his designs from the past six months, and that those are the things he wants to build. Kirsten suggests he buy the business himself. Charlie says he's thought about it. Kirsten was just kidding. Charlie says that if they were asking him to run the company for them, he doesn't see why he can't run it for himself, and he knows it's a lot of money, but that's what banks are for. Kirsten says it would be huge amounts of money, but she knows he could do it. Yeah, because banks are just dying to give out money to people who don't care about market share or pleasing their customers, and have no business plan and no idea what it takes to run a business. In fact, I hear in San Francisco, bank managers just stand out on the street and hand out hundred-dollar bills to anyone who walks by. And the streets are paved in gold, I've heard tell. Go west, young man!
Julia goes into Adam's apartment, where he is doing some spring cleaning, starting with his closet. Julia observes that Adam is in "a mood," so they start making out. Julia can't believe Adam didn't ask how her day was, since the world revolves around her. We like to call it the Salinger-centric worldview. I think that's the principle for which Galileo died, actually. Something like that. Adam points out that he knows how her day was because he spent it with her. Julia asks what the deal was in class, and that it was sweet that he defended her, but he might have gone a little too far. Adam says he thinks the professors need to be told off on a regular basis, and he's the man to do it. Well, not in so many words, but that's the gist of it. Then he accuses Julia of being "a drone" who is "taking their crap as gospel" just because the professors have tenure. And there's the little fact that most of them have doctoral degrees, or at the very least, a Master's degree in the subject, and that if it's as prestigious a program as they've made it out to be, have probably done their fair share of writing. Julia points out that they pay a lot of money so the professors can judge their writing. Adam asks if she really means that, which she does, and then he starts going through his clothes again.
Claudia dares to enter the basement, even though there is the perpetual fear that the door will swing shut and she will be locked down there with the others. Victor is down there (no, he really is) doing laundry. She gets all Nancy Drew on Victor, saying that he spends a lot of time in their house but that they really don't know anything about him. Please allow me a moment to write a letter to these people. Dear Salingers: If you are hiring someone to watch over your little brother pretty much all the time, it might be worthwhile to do a background check and possibly interview the person about his or her background as well. There are a lot of irresponsible and just plain sick people out there, and if you would get your head out of your collective ass for five minutes, you'd realize that your family does not have the best luck in the world. I can't believe you would hire a nanny without knowing where he grew up, his family background, and where he lived before he moved to San Francisco, as Claudia claims in this scene. Consider this a parting gift from me, your faithful recapper. Love, Kim. Anyway, Victor says there isn't much to tell. Due to the incident with Owen and the show and tell, Claudia thought maybe there was more to the story that Victor just didn't want to reveal in front of Owen. Victor says it's personal. Claudia says she won't push, even though that's exactly what she's doing, but if he wants to talk, she's around. Victor says again that it's personal and huffs off.
Charlie is talking to Bailey about buying the business, and how he wants to present it to the bank as a sure thing. I guess he means as opposed to going in and telling the bank, "I'm an idiot with zero business sense. Please give me lots and lots of money, and then I'll default on the loan when the business goes under, as it will do, because I'm a Salinger and I dwell in tragedy." Bailey isn't sure about Charlie's plan, but Charlie thinks the numbers are good. Bailey says they are, but that they are huge numbers. They talk for a while about how huge the numbers are. The word "huge" is used many times.
Claudia gets off the bus and stops to put on her coat. As the bus pulls away, she sees Victor across the street, and it looks like he's arguing with a woman. He gives her an envelope and she hands him some sort of package.
Bailey walks Holly to her lecture. Doesn't he have a restaurant to run? Is he even doing that anymore? Or is he just helping Charlie realize how "huge" his numbers are? Bailey is carrying numerous large books for Holly, and comments that he can't believe she has room in her head for that much information. Holly asks if Bailey wants to sit in on the lecture. Bailey says she wouldn't want him there because he snores, and says that school really isn't for him. She asks why, like he didn't just tell her last night. Bailey admits that other people make him feel stupid, because he doesn't read or write very well, and everybody else is smart like Holly. He knows that she's just trying to help, but school is really not for him.
Back in Adam and Julia's writing class, Adam takes umbrage at a note the professor put on his paper. The professors suggests they talk about it privately, which would be much, much more appropriate, but Adam presses on, asking why the professor wrote, "Brevity, sharpness, we need a point." Julia tries to get Adam to shut up. The professor says that the language made no sense to him, and that it took him longer to read it than it took Adam to write it. Adam says that maybe he just wanted the readers to lose themselves in the language, and that maybe there was no point. They argue this point, and then Adam reveals that the work he turned in was actually written by Samuel Beckett. Oh, aren't you a big man. Adam is really bugging me. Adam even has a review, where a critic said that Beckett's writing was "playful, but still erudite." I don't really get his point though, because does that mean the professor can't dislike Beckett's writing too? Plus, please don't compare yourself to Samuel Beckett, Adam. The professor gets pissed off and asks if Adam thinks he shouldn't be teaching the class. Adam says that maybe no one should be, and leaves.
Charlie is meeting with the banker, and describing the changes he has already made, like computerizing the billing system. The banker says that there's no one they would rather see run the company than Charlie. They must have cut the scene right before this that showed the banker smoking crack. That's the only explanation I can come up with, anyway. The banker says it's hard to make the case for the loan, because they don't have enough collateral. Wasn't this an episode of The Brady Bunch? Charlie says that they are banking on his outstanding orders. The banker is not convinced, so I guess the crack wore off. Charlie wants to know if they can do "something creative," but the banker says he's not in the business of being creative, and neither are other banks. ["I have to say, that is definitely not the case in San Francisco. It isn't even the case in Toronto." -- Wing Chun]
Bailey is waiting outside Holly's lecture because he has no life. He notices that the door across the hall is open, so he peeks in, and finds that it's an economics lecture. He slips in and sits down. The professor asks a question and Bailey whispers the answer under his breath. The guy to him raises his hand and says Bailey's answer, which is correct. The professor asks another question, Bailey whispers, slacker guy answers, but this time it's wrong. The professor says that Bailey's answer is the "street-smart, day-trader" answer, but it won't lead to long-term value.
Claudia is on the phone with Todd, telling him about what she saw Victor doing. In the middle of her story, a woman picks up the extension. Do hotel rooms have extensions? Claudia asks who it was, and Todd's all "no one" like clearly he didn't hear Claudia in their last scene together, where she told him that hiding something makes him look more guilty. Claudia points that out, and Todd says he and Mabel were leaving a club and got rained on, so she came to his room to take a hot bath, and then she lost her purse so she's spending the night. Is he really this clueless, or is he playing Claudia? Claude hangs up on him.
Bailey tells Charlie he has talked to a couple of venture capitalist guys he knows. Furniture isn't really their thing, since they're more into dot-coms, but Bailey talked to them anyway. Bailey thinks if they could scrape up a little collateral, they could get the loan. Bailey points out that the house, the restaurant and their cars could all be used as collateral. As if Bailey's Jeep is worth anything after having been in two accidents, and we've seen Julia's car, so I don't need to say anything about that. Plus, aren't they still in debt for Griffin's hospital bills? Anyway, Charlie tells Bailey no way. Bailey doesn't want him to give up. Charlie says he isn't giving up. He just realized that he's asking a lot of people to risk a great deal. Wait, Charlie realized that he's not the only person in the world! Bailey tries to bring him back into the Salinger mindset by telling him that the company needs him. Charlie says he can still be there under Standard, and get a nice salary and have more time to spend with Kirsten. Bailey says that this is the right time for Charlie to take this chance, but Charlie doesn't think it is.
Claudia comes in the kitchen where Victor is talking on the phone. He is telling "Val" that she can't hide from him, and he'll come down there if he has to, but when he sees Claudia he gets off the phone quickly. Claudia asks whether everything is okay, and Victor says it is. Claudia explains about how she saw Victor when she got off the bus. Victor doesn't get what she's trying to say. Claudia basically says she thinks he was buying drugs, without using the words "buying" or "drugs." Victor pulls the race card, saying that she thinks it was "a crack whore selling to the Puerto Rican guy." Claudia says that she doesn't think that, even though she kind of does, and that since he takes care of her brother, she deserves to know what's going on. Victor says he has given her no reason not to trust him, and that if having no privacy is a condition of his employment, then he won't be working there anymore. Wilson Cruz does a good job with those impassioned speeches. You kind of have to on this show.
Julia is watching Adam write, and wants to know why he's so quiet. Maybe because he's writing? She wants to know why one minute he's picking fights with the professor and then the minute he's being sweet, and that the school is going to suspend him. Because he yelled at a professor? Wow, that's a strict school. Adam feels like he doesn't belong there, because he's a rebel, man, a rebel. Julia is just living in a square world, conforming to the bourgeoisie, and buying their scene and Adam wants to go out on the road and howl at the moon, because he's a lone wolf and he can't run with the pack. Well, maybe I got a little carried away. Julia says he thinks she's a lemming for listening to the professor, but at least she can commit to something. Oh, like your marriage? Adam says, "Oh, like your book?" and then reminds us that the book is about Ned (because Ned is coming back week, so they had to say his name at least once this week to remind us about that storyline which has remained unspoken since Ned left the show). Adam basically says that Julia slinks around begging for scraps of approval, but she needs to believe in her own work, and that maybe he could commit to things, but that he is committed to himself. He's true to his art, man. His art is pure. I'll stop, because I could go on all day.
Holly and Bailey are sleeping at Holly's apartment. Boy, this relationship went from zero to fifty-five in about three seconds, huh? One minute they aren't speaking and now they're spending nights together? Anyway, Holly wakes up to see Bailey reading her freshman economics textbook. Bailey says he's been reading it for a few hours, and it's completely fascinating to him. Okay, wouldn't he have taken basic economics in high school? He's acting like he's never heard of economics before. Anyway, Bailey tells Holly about the lecture he went to that day, and that he thought the professor was wrong, but after reading the textbook, he realized the professor was right. God forbid the people on this show realize that university professors might actually know something about their subject matter. Bailey thinks the book is really good. Holly is surprised. Bailey says that now that he's been out in the world, he can see that the contents of the book apply to real life situations, and it's not just words on a page. Holly wonders if this changes his mind about college, and Bailey says he's willing to give it a try.
Charlie and Kirsten come to the restaurant to meet up with Julia, Claudia and Bailey. Kirsten has to make a comment about how having family lunch saves her from having to eat at her desk, in case we suspected that she skips lunch. I don't know why we would think that. Maybe because she's a stick figure? Can Paula Devicq have a scene where she doesn't pretend to eat, talk about eating, or talk about throwing up? Claudia says it's not really a family lunch, and Julia says they need to talk. Kirsten worries that something is wrong, but Bailey says they want Charlie to buy the furniture company. Charlie says that they already talked about this, but Claudia says they want to go in on the business with him. Julia says Bailey filled them in and they know that Charlie needs collateral, and they all want to put up their shares of the restaurant. Charlie is shocked, and thinks it's generous. Bailey says it's a good investment. Charlie says that it's risky. Bailey says they would rather own a piece of a growing business, implying that the restaurant is not growing anymore. Charlie says that Salinger's is their father's restaurant and the family business and he can't imagine what would happen if they lost it. I can. The rest of the family would have to go out and get actual jobs. Julia says it's possible they could lose the business, but that the family is different now, and that maybe the family business should be different too. Bailey says that business school talks about investing in what you know, and they all know that Charlie will be a success, so it feels safe to bet on him. I have to say that I really enjoy the scenes with the whole family. I'm not sure if the annoyance gets spread out or if I just enjoy the concept that the series was founded on -- that this group of orphans has to pull together and make it work.
Victor is cleaning up after Owen's lunch. Claudia comes in and sends Owen upstairs so she can talk to Victor about what happened the night before. Victor admits that he lost his temper. Claudia launches into a speech about how his personal life has nothing to do with his job, which I still don't think is exactly true. Victor agrees with me, and tells Claudia that the woman she saw is named Valerie and she was his girlfriend back home in Brooklyn. If Victor grew up in Brooklyn, wouldn't he have an accent? At least a little? That's just lazy writing. Anyway, Victor says he was nineteen and he didn't know if he was gay, straight or something in-between back then. He dated Valerie for a while and then she got pregnant. She wanted to get married, but he was starting to realize things about himself, so he couldn't. When she asked him for help with their baby, Victor panicked and didn't. She moved out to San Francisco to be with her parents. Later, Victor realized that he should help out with his daughter, so he sold everything and moved out to San Francisco, but Valerie's parents wouldn't let him see Val or their daughter. Val lets him give her money sometimes, and that's what Claudia saw. Also, that day, Valerie gave him a picture of their daughter, and Victor shows Claudia the picture. Claudia comments that she looks a lot like him. Victor says Val's parents think he doesn't want to be a good father, but he really does. You know, I know I asked for Victor to get a storyline, but couldn't they have come up with something better than this? This is lame. Couldn't he have gotten a boyfriend or something?
Julia knocks on Adam's door. There's no answer, but she hears music playing so she walks right in. She starts talking to Adam but when she gets into the living room, a strange guy named Blair is in there. Julia asks where Adam is and Blair explains that Adam left and that Blair is staying there until he gets back. Julia asks for details and Blair remembers that Adam left a message on the machine for her. Why wouldn't he leave a message on her machine? Or a note? How strange is it to leave a message for her on your own answering machine? Julia plays it, and I get excited that a man is actually going to reject Julia. Adam says he's going to visit some friends at a commune in Mexico where he can run wild in the desert and sleep naked under the stars while the coyotes howl. Well, he doesn't say that last part, but he should have. Then Adam says that Julia is the only thing that makes sense right now in his life, but that's not enough. Then he says that Ned is coming back week, so he had to get out of the way to make room for him.
Todd comes to the Salinger home to apologize to Claudia. He's carrying a huge bouquet of roses and a gigantic, phallic replica of the Empire State Building. He starts in on a big apology and compliments Claudia, but she cuts him off and says she doesn't need to know everything. He just needs to tell her if she should worry. He says she doesn't need to worry. They kiss while Todd awkwardly juggles the Empire State Building, and I don't want to think about what that was supposed to symbolize.
Charlie and Bailey are in Charlie's office waiting to hear if Gus will accept their offer for the factory. Bailey is all antsy, asking the time every few minutes and suggesting they call Gus. Charlie thinks they should just wait because Gus said he would call. Bailey jokingly asks if he specified a year. The phone rings and Charlie answers. It's Gus. Bailey is trying to figure out what Gus is saying as Charlie just listens and then hangs up. Bailey figures from Charlie's expression that they got turned down, and he starts talking about sweetening the deal. Charlie says that the company is his. Bailey is freaking out and says they have to celebrate and call the family to fill them in. Charlie looks like he's in shock, and he walks out into the factory to look at all that belongs to him in his rightful role as President Salinger.