Props to the town of Las Vegas for having such an excellent selection of mullets and karaoke bars. I will never let de-elevator break us down.
Hill. Businesses of America. Jail. It's all booming. Really.
We fade up on Said and Ryan in the lunchroom. Ryan is serving up a heapin' helping of good lookin', and Said asks after Cyril. Ryan says he has fully recovered from the overdose and will be fine except he suffered from a little brain -- oh wait. Never mind. Said praises Allah and moves on down the line for some mac and cheese. Ah. A Schillinger approacheth. Let's listen in, kiddies! "Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, O'Reily." Schillinger's cell-buddy sneers from his perch high atop Mount Ass-kiss and snarks, "Who's his girlfriend?" "Dr. Nathan. She took a leave of absence apparently, after almost choking to death when her boyfriend Ryan tossed M&Ms in her mouth to see how many times she could catch them." Naw, he didn't say that. He really insinuates that she gagged while giving Ryan good oral lovin' Ryan explodes with a mighty "fuck you Schillinger!" and slams a tin full of unidentifiable mystery food onto said demon, and Vern leaps over the counter to kick some booty. Who knew the old geezer was so spry? While the cued cheer arises from the room of masticating inmates, guards cuff Ryan and restrain Vern. Claire says she will take care of Ryan. Oh man, if only I had known at this point how sick and wrong her idea of "taking care" of someone is. Anyway, she takes the now cuffed Ryan into an un-known bathroom with nary a guard in sight. She puts him on the floor and tells him to stay down, only to have Ryan request that she blow him. I don't write it, people, I just recap. Claire replies (insert recapper's violent twitch here), "Again?" with a sly little smile that makes me raise my clenched fists to the heavens, shouting, "Why God? For the love of all that is holy, whyyyyyyy?" So, she does.
Cut to Stanislofsky wearing a yarmulke in his "safe" cell as a rabbi exits. Enter Martin "You need to know, I love you so, and I'd do it all again and again. Whoa. Whoa" Querns in all his soul-glo glory. Querns asks him if he's feeling better, to which Stanislofsky replies, "A dead man needs to cover all his options. Sometime after you send me back to Emerald City, Ryan will find a way to kill me." Querns croons, "I like you, Stanislofsky. I don't know why, but I do." Querns tell him he can let him hang out a few more days in the cell, but Stanislofsky feels he should face the proverbial music. No sense in postponing being killed, I guess. Querns tells him that it's not necessarily written in stone yet. He'll have a talk with Ryan. He leaves, and Stanislofsky sits on the bed as they shut the cell door. He is so dead.
Cut to Querns in his office, pouring himself a cup of joe. He turns to Ryan, who sits demurely across the desk, and tells him that he is trying to eliminate violence from Emerald City. "And you're doing an amazing job, sir." Querns: "Cut the crap, O'Reily! When Stanislofsky returns, if anything happens to him I hold you responsible." Ryan surmises the situation. "But, Hoyt is the one with the hots for Stanislofsky." Querns doesn't care. "So, in other words, I'm responsible and if anything happens, my ass is grass." Querns confirms this and then tells him to get lost.
Warning: the following paragraph may cause nausea and/or drowsy side effects due to loss of blood flow to the brain and piercing pain behind the eyes. We, uh, cut to the same bathroom Claire took Ryan to after his brawl, where we are treated to Ryan, Claire, and Claire's ass -- which, by the way, is as stunning as her chest -- and we witness the horrifying act of vertical love as Ryan asks her, during the passion of the moment, if she loves him. She does, and that's a duh! He asks her if she loves him enough to do anything for him; I take a call from the red phone in my apartment that I keep under a glass dome, which also works well as a cake plate. It's Toledo, and they're just letting me know they've dispatched the sub-plot and it's heading my way. We've basically established that Claire is now Ryan's go-to heifer.
We trot on over to Ryan's pod, where he stares at his newspaper clipping of Dr. Nathan (in case anyone missed that he's over the moon for this girl). Knock, knock. It's Claire with Cyril, who looks fresh as a daisy from the infirmary. Ryan bear-hugs him. Claire breaks it up with "O'Reily, you know that thing you asked me to look into? Well, it's returning to Emerald City tomorrow." Huh? Hey wait a minute, I think they're talking in some kind of love code! Ryan walks over to the door with his patented wince. Claire tells him that the sitting duck known as Stanislofsky asked Querns to let him take a bath before his return. Ryan says, "You know what to do." They share a meaningful look that only a fox and a hound can share, and off she goes to commence bowing to Ryan's whim. Ryan turns back to Cyril and hugs him again.
Cut to Stanislovsky in the therapy room taking a bubble bath. I guess we aren't supposed to ask where he got the bubbles. Claire shows up and tells the guard she's there to pick up the prisoner. She lumbers in the room. He asks for five more minutes since he's enjoying himself so much. Claire says, "I bet I can help you enjoy yourself even more." God. Please. No. She reaches into the bubbles and gives him a hand. Thankfully, it doesn't take that long, and as he lies back into his tainted bubbles, Claire makes ominous small talk about how quickly he was satisfied, and that a man like Ryan can please a woman and last longer. Way to bring a guy's ego down before you wax him. She gives Stanislofsky a rubber ducky, which she says is a small token of Ryan's affections (since she got a large one earlier), and while his eyes widen at the sight of this unexpected gift which he immediately begins playing with, Claire picks up a hairdryer and drops it into the bubbles. Claire watches him jerk and roll his eyes (for the second time) until he's still, and then rushes out to tell the guard to call a medic because "the Russian guy is dead!"
Cut to the main room in Em City and Querns striding his way across the room; Ryan approaches and says, "I heard about Stanislovsky. It's weird. A guy dies before coming back to Emerald City?" Querns gives him his patented B-movie stink-eye and snarls before continuing on his way. We see Cyril look up from his seat at a table and look from the exiting Querns to his brother. Claire walks through the room and gives a sidelong wink at the severely depreciated Ryan, who returns the wink while Cyril takes note of this also.
Cut to death row. Schillinger walks in with the mail and delivers a small package of what I guess is more art supplies for the racist pig, who is still working on his self-portrait, which I like to call "Fuckwit In Repose." Schillinger compliments him on his masterpiece, and our resident Van Blow rambles about how it's an amazing work of art, blah blah blah, and Schillinger just makes the "whatever" face and moves on to drop Moses' mail on the floor. "time, hand it to me, Schillinger!" Schillinger departs after a few disparaging remarks and in walks the lunch guy, who is black, and who proceeds to do the same in reverse by dropping Van Blow's chicken nuggets on the floor. Ah, divine retribution. In walks Shirley's former paramour to escort Moses to meet with his lawyer. Van Blow ridicules him for believing he can overturn his death sentence. A few "blow me"s are tossed around, along with a "fuck you" thrown in for good measure. Even the guard o' love tells Van Blow to shut his cakehole, and off they go to meet the lawyer. Moses enters the room with a hopeful smile, which lawyer woman dashes against the rocks of despair with the words, "The judge has denied our appeal." He swears a lot. She tells him the best they can hope for is to go to the state Supreme Court and appeal the appellate court's decision. Moses asks how long that will take. A year. He wigs. "Dawn, I can't sit up on death row another day much less a year!" Dude! You're gonna be alive for another year, so if I were you, I'd relax on the tantrum jest a tad. Dawn tells him she has no control over the length of time their decision takes, and explains that the case load is heavy blah blah blah you're-screwedcakes. Dawn blames Devlin in that he rejects anything he considers to be "tough on crime." Um, isn't his acting a crime? I'm just sayin'. Then she says time is on their side, yes it is! The Rolling Stones call to see if that royalty check can be made out to cash while Dawn explains, "What I'm sayin' is, governor's got prostate cancer. If he dies, retires [falls off a footstool and cracks his oblong head open?], a new chief may look at the death penalty differently; meanwhile, you're alive another year so I suggest you make the best of it." (I'm SAYIN'!)
Cut back to death row, former home of the best damn character ever and I still miss her, where Van Blow is goading Moses about how he always calls him "black boy," and while he was downstairs with his lawyer, Van Blow was thinking of other racial slurs to call him. I'll tell all of you right now, as long as I recap this show, I will not type racial slurs. I will always skip over them, because that's the kind of power the recapper has. I'll type dumb-ass scenes, sex scenes between Ryan and Claire until I'm driven to bang my head against the laptop keyboard causing me to walk around the rest of my life with the home keys embedded in my forehead, but there are lines. I draw them. There you have it. Also, Van Blow's dialogue is just dumb. I have an aversion to dumb-ass dialogue. Moses draws a screwdriver from the cast on the arm he broke hitting the wall the last time Van Blow slurred him); all the while VB is spouting racist nonsense, and Moses begins chiseling away at the wall between them. While the voice of logic and reason inside me says, "There's no way in hell he can dig through -- I mean, the first time someone approaches the friggin' cell they'll see it!" the southerner in me who hates Van Blow with, and I'm gonna quote Djb here, the fire of a thousand suns cheers his screwdriver on and waits for the season finale where the smackdown will surely be delivered.
Cut to the usual flashback of what usually is a new prisoner, but this time it's of our near and dear Stephen King doppelganger, a.k.a. Eli, who apparently landed himself in the gray-bar hotel by throwing boiling oil from a frying pan containing eggs (?) into the groin area of his former boss, who seems to act a lot like the guy I work for, except his screams are way more realistic. Mine screams like a girl. We go to Hill. Eli is helpful in that he says his own prisoner number so that Hill can catch his breath. We go straight to Keller entering the library. Eh? Not only does Hill not drone on, but Keller can read? And Eli can too? Either I need to cut back on the drink or on drinking through a bendy straw, 'cause I'm not believin' what I'm rewindin'. Anyway, Keller puts on his best "I'm gonna git you sucka" voice and says, "Hey." Eli jumps to the ceiling and back down and says he's gotta be somewhere. "No, no, you gotta be here with me," Keller says, with the calmness of a person who's about to teach someone that nobody puts baby in a corner, and proceeds to ask how Eli's daughter's teeth are doing since he raised all the money to have them buffed and shined. Eli eagerly tells him that they're pearls now. Keller's glad. He tells him he's glad he could provide for his daughter before he dies. (Insert pause while doppelganger absorbs. That's okay. We'll wait.) "Jesus, Keller!" Keller holds him in his chair and calmly says in his ear, "You told Tobias Beecher that I killed his kid." "No!" says Eli, "Schillinger made me do it!" Keller basically tells him to get his affairs in order 'cause the smackdown is about to unleash and there's no coming back from it. He rubs Eli's hair.
We cut to a close-up of Eli in Unit B, over the pool table "Are you listening to me? Keller says he's gonna WHACK me!" Schillinger treats the news with all the concern of a snake slithering by a hit-and-run accident involving a truckload of mice: "Will you get off my back? You're ruining my concentration." He hits the ball and it goes not even close to the pocket. "See what you're doing? You're fucking up my game." Uh, no offense there, Vern, but your suck-ass form might also have something to do with it. Eli tells him if Schillinger doesn't protect him, he's going to the hacks. Schillinger: "Look, I said I'll protect you, I'll protect you, okay? Now, buzz off." Off Eli goes, while viewers everywhere wave goodbye to the dead man and shake their head in unison at the stupidity of threatening Satan. Schillinger says, "I thought the Jews were supposed to be tough." His butt tenant replies, "That's just the Israelis." Yeah, ha ha, not! Schillinger considers this for a nanosecond and gives a half-hearted shrug. "Kill him...I'm gonna take that shot again!" Yeah, well, you'll still suck, Vern.
Cut to Eli in a storage room of some sort. Apparently, bathrooms and storage rooms are never heavily guarded. He's facing a shelf, and in walks Keller with all the stealth of a drunken rhinoceros. "You know, this room isn't really that safe, Eli." "Fuck! Keller...no!" In walks the butt-tenant, whom Keller addresses as...Robson? That's his name? His last name? Oh, sue me, I have no idea. I just know he masturbates on the top bunk while Schillinger sacrifices virgins and goats. Keller: "Robson, this is my kill!" Butt tenant: "Take a walk, Keller." Eli is freaking. "Please don't kill me! Please!" They continue to advance, and Eli starts to gasp the way they taught him in the acting workshop he took in '91 on how to die realistically. He still hasn't gotten his money back. Long and short of it? He falls to the floor dead. The funny part? The two killers look at the other and nonchalantly shrug and say "later" to each other. The delivery was priceless. They exit.
We go to Butt-tenant returning to the hell cell. He walks in and Schillinger asks, "He dead?" BT says, "heart attack." Schillinger snickers, "I told him you gotta watch that red meat."
Cut to Em City. Said is approaching the laundry room. He sees Beecher macking with another inmate and preparing for some taboo backdoor love. Said is shifting into mad parent mode. He makes a disgusted face, stalks in, and breaks up the fun. Beecher doesn't even try to look guilty. Beecher's a bad, bad boy. They break from their clutch. Unknown bad boy leaves while Beecher buckles his pants. Beecher goes to the dryer to take out his clothes. I suddenly remember I haven't done laundry since getting back from Vegas and begin digging for quarters. Damn. I forgot I lost them all between the hours of 3 and 5 a.m. when I became possessed by the great spirit of the slot machine. I have a little issue with focusing. Said: "You used to be addicted to alcohol, Beecher. But this obsession is the worst...and the most dangerous." Beecher continues to dig his whites out of the dryer. Said confronts him, "Hey, I'm talking to you." Beecher tells him he likes it when he's rough and wiggles his tongue. When did Tobias become so cheeky? Did I miss an episode? Oh, I get it -- he's so distraught he's promoting his own self-hatred and is therefore spiraling downward into the murky oblivion of sluttitude and quiet laundry-room lovin'? Said regards him with disgust: "You're a slut!" He asks how the sex makes him feel. Better? Beecher says it makes him feel worse. "Then why do it?" "Because at least I'm feeling something. I prefer to be happy but...self-hatred will do in a pinch." Said says to not do that to himself. Why hate himself? Beecher: "Why not? My son is dead because of me, my daughter is screwed up because of me. Keller doesn't love me. But I tried this new detergent and it really seems to get my whites clean!" Jeez! Beecher and McManus should totally hang out. Self-pity. It's flowing. Beecher sluts out of the laundry room. Said just looks sad for his after-school-special friend.
Cut to Keller in the gym. Father Mukada enters to broach the subject of Beecher's rapidly declining mental health and active sex life. Mukada tells him Beecher's dying inside, and since they had a loving, intimate relationship, Keller can help. Keller chooses to focus on the sex of the relationship and encourages Mukada to go ahead and use his prepositions at will and describe the fundamentals of the history of Beech and Keller's sex life. Keller then says their relationship started off in violence and ended that way. How very Ellen and Heche. Keller switches gears: "Where do you live, Father?" "In a rectory." Keller focuses on the stigma of Catholic priests having wanton relations, and Father becomes aroused -- I mean, offended. Keller questions him as to whether he's ever had relations with another priest, and Mukada says no. Have I mentioned that I like Mukada? I do. He's very cool and doesn't overact the scenes he's given. With that said, Keller continues with his attempt at baiting Mukada into admitting he's a homosexual, and as Mukada insists on a point somewhere in Keller's little diatribe, Keller says, "You want me to do the honorable thing; well, we're in Oz and the rules don't apply. I'm not expected to change Beecher. Hell, I'd be breaking the code if I did." Mukada: "It only takes one man to change the system." Keller leans forward and gazes at him fixedly, "Well, I'm not that man."
Hill, crime, rural areas. Crime is still bad there. Ma and Pa Kettle.
Fade to Beecher with Sister Pete and Mukada. "Tobias, we have bad news." Beecher's like, "Oh, for a change?" Mukada explains that Hank Schillinger has been released on a technicality and how does that make you feel? Beecher begins to leave. Pete asks him to stay and discuss the anger. Beecher tells her she doesn't want to see his anger because it's a scorcher in there. She says she can handle it. "Where the fuck have you been during all this shit?" He tells her she is nothing but a selfish -- and I will quote Charlotte on Sex And The City here -- C U Tuesday. Beecher leaves as she yells that Holly needs her father.
Cut to Schillinger entering the visiting area to find Hank with a skanky looking extra. Schillinger, "Hank?" Hanks stands, "Yo, Dad." Like, who says that anymore? The nutshell is that Hank wants to go to Florida after the scare of being almost punished for cutting off a child's hand, killing him, then traumatizing another. Schillinger agrees to give him the funds to do so, and Hank promises to return and do the father/son thing that Vern so craves. Perhaps they will go puppy-kicking.
Cut to Sister Pete in her office with Beecher and Mukada. She tells Beecher she's arranged for visits with Holly three times a week. The words are still suspended in the air above her head when we hear Vern say "mail." Beecher flies across the room and attacks Beelzebub. Sister Pete screams for the guards to break them up and says to take poor Beecher back to Em City. Schillinger: "Wowee, got quite a temper, hasn't he?" We insta-cut to Beecher seeking an audience with Pancamo, who is lying on his bottom bunk pondering the beauty of his massive upper body. Beecher wants a favor. He asks him to kill Hank Schillinger, and fires Pancamo up by explaining how Vern and Hank kidnapped the children and got off on a technicality. Pancamo sums it all up by pointing at Beecher and saying, "Dat sucks." Pancamo wonders how he can be certain Beecher isn't also working with the hacks and won't ultimately turn him in. Well, you see, because Tobias plans to also kill Vern. Pancamo agrees that this exonerates him from karma. Price? One thousand for Pancamo, and a thousand for the job. We see Said looking at them from afar.
Cut to Beecher getting ready for the visit with Holly. He's all decked out in a polo shirt and watered-down hair. In walks Said to tell him he saw him with Pancamo. He knows Beecher is up to some kind of murdering mischief. Said tells Beecher that the madness will never end. That killing Beelzebub will not avenge his son and will not help Holly adjust. I, for one, feel for Beecher. We see Beecher go into the playroom area, and Holly runs over to greet him. She's definitely a punkin. So cute! He sweeps her up and has flashbacks to the last time she visited with Gary. We then see Hank hugging Vern, and Hank lying in a street naked and dead. Naked? Yeah. We realize from this helpful montage that Tobias is having a moral dilemma about killing someone's son.
We go to Beecher with Said, talking about this new revelation. Said is in full agreement and is appropriately posed in his Allah-knows-all half-perched position with a thoughtful head tilt. Beecher runs to Pancamo to call off the hit. Pancamo is playing cards in the main area and thanks him for the prompt payment...but the hit has already taken place. Bullet thru the brain. No one will ever find the body.
Cut to solitary, where Rebadow is told it's time to rejoin the flying monkeys. I pray that we are not treated to a full frontal. Someone hears my prayers, because it doesn't happen. My twitching, thankfully, subsides. We go to Querns in his office with Rebadow explaining that violence is down 92 percent; Rebadow is apparently the one who's screwing it all up. Querns threatens to send him to Gen Pop if he doesn't get a handle on his recently found inner demon. Querns seems to have qualms. Rebadow walks through Em City accompanied by calls and crows of the other inmates, who seem to be vastly amused by the murderous antics of our resident son of Spam. As he enters the pod, Busmalis greets him with a Drunken Fist-style stance. Rebadow seems to genuinely ask for forgiveness, when suddenly he clutches his head and yells in pain. Go to Busmalis pacing in front of the Em City gate. He sees Querns. Querns tells him it's a brain tumor. Busmalis asks to see him, since he didn't shake his hand in forgiveness. Querns says no. Busmalis pleads. Querns: "No."
Cut to Rebadow. He's taken to the hospital, where he just needs to see a familiar face as he is wheeled off to a hospital for emergency surgery. He pitifully calls out first for Dr. Nathan, then Busmalis, then his mommy. He's freaking that he knows no one and is being taken away. Poor Rebadow.
Cut to Em City at night. Bed check. When the guard moves on, Busmalis slips out of bed and crawls under the bed to (obviously) continue digging away underneath his bed on tunnel two, electric boogaloo.
Oh, hello, Hill. Buh-bye, Hill.
We see the gangrene gang lamenting that they never see Mobay actually selling drugs to anyone. They decide they must see him make a transaction if he's to be trusted. Adebesi is such the doubting Thomas. Pancamo knows if he were a cop, he wouldn't be able to snort enough coke to kill a donkey, and gestures towards Adebesi to illustrate his point.
Cut to Mobay with Glynn explaining the tangled web he's weaved. The web being the problem with selling drugs, of course, not doing them. Glynn says they'll just bring in another cop for Mobay to sell to. Mobay brands him a genius. I fixate on the rainbow bead necklace Mobay is sporting. Glynn naturally turns his attention from the matters at hand to which election poster looks the best. Shut. Up. Glynn. Mobay leaves.
The lunchroom, where we see Mobay selling drugs. Poet walks by, wheeling an Ikea shelving unit housing dirty trays. Adebesi is sucking on an orange as Pancamo says, "See? I told you he was okay." Adebesi sticks the orange in his mouth and continues on. Cut to Hill in a room being questioned by the homicide detective about Bruno and the elevator shaft mishap. He pleads ignorance. She ain't buyin'. He tells her no one he knows had a problem with Bruno, least of all him. She's like, "That's not what I heard." That method didn't even work in the seventh grade. Hill isn't breaking. She spots Glynn outside the window and tells Hill she'll be back. She leaves to join Glynn. When asked how it's going, she says she plans to let Hill sit alone and "percolate" for awhile to see what comes up. Detective woman needs a dictionary and thesaurus, stat!
Back to Mobay. Hill enters the pod. Mobay's bad accent asks, "Where have you been?" Hill tells him he was being questioned by the detective lady in the comfortable shoes. Mobay, smug: "She don't know nothing." Except it sounds like "nah-teeeng." Hill regards him with "you have no guilt, do you? You and me [sic] are the same, we both killed cops but -- there isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret what I did." Sniffy McAddict glares at Hill as his necklace begs to be ripped from his neck and smashed into tiny pieces.
We go to Arif hanging up a payphone and turning to find Deluxe Supreme entering with his gang o' bad-ass waiting outside. Supreme is just that, as he says, "Peace, black man." Arif tries to walk around him and trips over a large hair extension. Supreme throws out the fact that he knows Arif asked Adebesi to wax him. "Is that any way to treat a brother?" Arif tells him to move, and Deluxe tells him to watch where he walks or something might "fall on his head."
Arif and Said in the supply room where they give the new inmates pillows, blankets, and razors -- and laminated Yahoo! maps directions to all the unguarded bathrooms and storage rooms where you can have all the sex you want or simply grease the bastard pissing you off that week. Arif mopes, "I have committed a great sin." Said tilts his head thoughtfully. Arif tells him they are in danger and to lead them again. "Lead us, Kareem." Kareem: "Uh, no." Arif tells him, "Stop trying to hide from who you are. From what God wants you to be!" Said tilts.
Cut to puppet show on TV, where we see a puppet rub his head against the female puppeteer's breast. Sick. And. Wrong. The guard whose name I won't know until the episode where he gets killed announces new transfers. All of the gay population, all three of them, are called to grab their Doris Day albums and Accents silicone bra pads and go movin' on up to the B side. We see Keller, Pancamo and Ryan sitting grimly. Keller says it's starting to "look pretty dark in here."
We fade to another flashback of not a new prisoner but one of Adebesi's gang, Mondo. His crime was apparently skinning a woman like a side of beef and blowing smoke in her face. Get this. He doesn't even get life for that! Can you believe it? I mean, he blew smoke in her face! All this to preface Mondo getting into a knock-down with one of the Pancamo boys, and the nameless guard hauls the white one to solitary. Pancamo is livid. We journey into Adebesi's party pod, where everyone is sporting loungewear in loud colors, and we see that not only are they videotaping with a video camera (In jail.), but they also have copious amounts of whiskey, drugs, and boys who like to do naughty pantomimes with large bananas. Large, hot bananas. I mean, the place is jumpin' with party vibes. Up walk Morales and Pancamo to discuss the recent developments in the little partnership that couldn't. Adebesi walks out in his Hawaiian shirt and briefs with the usual amused expression. Not only does he tell them that the partnership is now with the fishes, he tells them they are about to receive a one-way escort to Unit B. When? Let me think -- oh yes, right now. The guards walk up to take them away from pod 54. We then see Querns announcing Poet and Supreme Deluxe as the replacement trustees. Everybody cheers except for Ryan, Beecher, Busmalis, and Keller.
Said is in the bathroom, shaving with one of those razors that seem to be easy to find and retain in Emerald City. Adebesi walks in: "You should have joined me. I have created a Utopia for us. We finally have the power and control to do whatever we wish!" Said looks at him and places his hands on Adebesi's shoulders. Adebesi looks at his hands as though they need to be removed real quick. "Simon, this is all an illusion." Said is so trancelike when he says this it totally reminds me of Star Wars when Obi Wan waves his hand at the storm troopers and says, "These aren't the droids you're looking for." Anyway, Said continues, "Real power is from God. A bad system run by blacks is as bad as a system run by whites." Like, I say...I don't write it, I just transcribe. Adebesi: "I could crush you if I wanted." Said tells him he won't, because Said is the only one who will tell him the truth. Adebesi: "Your truth. Not mine."
In Unit B, Schillinger and Hoyt play checkers as Pancamo walks up and bitches about the new developments in Em City. Hoyt's like, "What the hell are we supposed to do?" Schillinger: "Create our own country." He gets up and walks over to the office, where McManus waits for someone to ask him how he is so he can tell them his life story and how Diane sucks ass. "McManus, we need to talk." McManus: "Yeah? Make an appointment with my secretary." Schillinger tells him it's important. Tim says, "I can tell. You have that Schillinger scowl." Uh, heh. Schillinger suggests they make Unit B an all-white, all-the-time unit. McManus scoffs as Schillinger tells him how Emerald City is littered with trash, drugs, and scary Claire having sex with hot guys. McManus ain't biting and Schillinger gets feisty. Tim calls for a lockdown.
Cut to the Oz staff meeting. McManus shows up late, because that's a good idea when you've been fired and re-hired. We see Glynn with a blueprint of the new electric perimeter fence that is to be built around the entire facility. McManus bursts out with "Emerald City is a shit house!" I guess that internal editor went out for a smoke again. Glynn starts to cut him off, but McManus can't be stopped once he gets the taste for his own voice. Querns defends it all by pointing out there is no violence now that he's in charge, and Tim stalks out of the meeting because, when you've been recently fired and all, it's a damn good idea. We see Tim signing out at the desk in front of the supply counter, where Said is waiting to hand someone, anyone, a razor. He calls out, but Tim ignores him. But Said is ready; he busts out the head tilt and gets McManus's attention. He has a plan to get Em City back. All we need is the rest of the gang and Scooby to pull it off.
Said and Arif approach Adebesi in the main room in Em City as a fellow Adebesite pours Simon a refreshing product-placed Pepsi. Said: "I was wrong. I see that now. You have transformed this block into a paradise...a Utopia. I want to join you." He starts yelling it out so that everyone can hear and says he will "service him in any way he wants." But before we can all spot the progressing boner Adebesi is working on, he "rises," reaches out for Said's necklace, and tells him to swear on Allah. Said says, "I do so swear." Adebesi: "Now I can raise you to my equal; together, there is nothing we can't do." He starts singing as he reaches out and adjusts Said's knit cap to the side so it looks like his own. Bwa! They sing the word "Nothing" over and over, and Said kind of smiles this creepy-ass smile and looks like he's enjoying himself in a way that is just bad and wrong.
Up on the second floor, Ryan and Keller observe the merger. Keller: "Said and Adebesi, hand in hand." Ryan: "It's the end of the fucking universe." No, Ryan, the end came when you did Claire.
Hill. Politics. Delineating Devlin's evil side. We see a flashback of Clayton threatening to do something about Devlin. Then we see Glynn's wife come to visit her clueless husband to tell him Clayton hasn't been home in days, and she proceeds to show him a poster of Devlin with a bull's-eye drawn in red marker over his head. Glynn patronizes her and sends her on her way. I start tossing sunflower seeds at my TV screen and looking for something to shove under my fingernails. We see Devlin, having yet another press conference. He is showcasing the new "stab-proof" vests he will have all the guards wearing this fall season, because he is just all about fighting crime. The vests have a red heart on them with "second chance" written in white. In walks Clayton; he pulls a gun in slo-mo and empties it in and around Devlin. Glynn throws himself at Clayton and restrains him on the ground while anyone having anything to do the The Bodyguard starts calling their banks to check the balance in their checking accounts. We see the press taking photos as someone, maybe Glynn, yells to call a doctor. Guess that prostate cancer wasn't as dangerous as we all thought.
week: the Season 4, part something-or-other finale.